Original subtitles

Ugh!

Either this thing is broke or I am.

Mom, we're back! Come in here.

Look at what we bought!

I hope it's a cardboard box

'cause otherwise we can't afford it.

It's a DVD player.

And we got valuable

airline miles because we used the credit card.

- Hello, Europe. - Or Hawaii.

Cheyenne, I gave you that credit card to pay for your textbooks.

Yeah, but I don't have to buy textbooks for another two weeks.

By that time, you can call the credit card company and raise my limit.

Or get another card,

transfer the balance from this card to that one,

ignore those, and get a different card.

You know, this might be a little late, but--

[whistling]

Jake! Come on down here. Family meeting!

Jake, why is your hair like that?

Kyra said it scares the ghosts.

Honey, it scares everybody.

Okay, kids. I don't like to talk finances with you,

but I think you need to know the facts.

We're not doing that great.

What are you saying? Are we running out of money?

Well, not yet, but you got to understand...

we can't keep having more goin' out than what's coming in.

- Well, what's coming in? - Nothin'.

Okay, so we know what we have to work with.

You and I have got to think of some way to help out.

Oh! Oh, I know.

You could rent out your handicapped parking pass to your football buddies.

Yeah! Oh, man, they would kill for those spots at the mall.

You should hear them complain about how the handicapped have it made.

Your friends sound lovely, but no.

I'm sure you two will think up some way to pitch in.

And in the meantime, I'm gettin' a job!

[laughing]

Psych!

Oh. Yeah, you really had us going, Mrs. H.

I'm serious.

Well, no offense, Mom, but can you do anything?

You should play for the WNBA. Those chicks rock.

All right. Knock it off, smart alecks.

I've been filling out applications all week.

And tomorrow, I've got an interview

at Ryan's department store for customer service.

I want that job so bad, and I have no doubt in my mind

that I am going to nail it!

[laughing]

- Oh, no doubt. - You really are.

[no audible dialogue]

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ Who I am is who I wanna be ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Um, I'm assuming you're Internet proficient.

Which search engine do you prefer?

Uh, the little one that could?

That's a little joke.

Sense of humor. Write that down.

Actually, the man we let go had a sense of humor.

Now, uh, work experience.

Your last full-time job was--

Uh, domestic consultant, uh,

for a small company specializing in conflict resolution.

- So you're a mom. - I got a promotion recently.

Now I'm a grandmother.

The ad says, "Experience required."

Oh, well, I read the one

that says, "Come on in and get your money."

In all due respect, sir,

mothering gives you plenty of experience.

Customer service is what moms do.

I'd be perfect for the job.

Ms. Hart, thanks for coming in.

If you, uh, don't hear from our personnel office

by the end of the day,

you'll assume that I didn't make the effort to call them.

Well, wait. There's got to be some stuff

that I learned from being a mom that could help you out.

All right. Name one specific work skill that translates.

You got any employees that don't pick up their toys?

Well, I'm just saying I think I'd make a great telemarketer.

Well, for instance, I'm calling you.

Well, I'm sorry you're having your dinner.

Well, I know you are, but what am I?

No, I said I-- Hello?

Hello?

I'm telling you, Jake. Things are really bad.

Am I gonna lose my Nintendo?

Well, I'd worry less about Nintendo and more about your next meal.

- We're running out of food. - Really?

Oh, yeah. And then we turn into cannibals.

And of course we eat the smallest one first.

That's how we lost your brother, Darren.

Mom!

Jake, what are you doing?

Kyra said we're running out of food.

Oh, don't listen to her. She's unpleasant.

Jake, come here.

Honey, you don't have to save up food.

I'm your mother.

And except for bringing Kyra into the world,

I'm never gonna let anything bad happen to you.

- So, you okay? - Yeah.

- You sure? - Yeah.

Okay.

We got groceries!

And not just any groceries.

The kind you actually want to eat. Look.

They made Ding Dongs into a cereal.

After our talk about belt-tightening,

you guys go out and spend a bunch of money on junk?

No, Mom. I think you're gonna be proud of us.

We thought about what you said,

and we decided that we needed to do our part.

Oh, my gosh! You got jobs!

Better! We got on food stamps today.

What?

We're on food stamps! Uh-huh!

Except it's a debit card now. It's just like a bank card,

but you never have to put money in.

It's a miracle.

You two actually did this?

Well, see, the thing you don't know about me and Cheyenne...

- is we're go-getters. - Mm-hmm.

But you guys don't qualify for food stamps, right?

I mean, there's no way.

Not only did we qualify, they felt sorry for us.

Did you tell them you live in a really nice house,

in a really nice neighborhood, for free?

Yep. They don't care.

They say that we deserve it.

And they don't make mistakes at the government.

You should've seen them when they found out we had a baby.

Oh, they eat it up if you have a baby.

Hey, maybe we should have another one. Cha-ching!

Cha-ching!

Hey, maybe that's what we should name her,

Cha-ching!

All right. Cut it out.

We don't do that.

This family does not accept charity.

Look at you with your silly pride.

Some people need a little help gettin' back on their feet, Mom.

That kind of help is for people who have no options.

I don't know what you're so flipped out about.

"That kind of help" is for people exactly like us.

Van is disabled, I'm starting school again, and we have Elizabeth.

Food stamps are for people who have hit rock bottom.

Well, you may not have hit rock bottom,

but, luckily, we have.

He's right.

Hey, let's go upstairs

and do a little financial planning.

- Cha-ching! - Cha-ching!

Sha-shoot me.

I can't believe you're making us do this, Mom.

Yeah. Do you know how embarrassing it is

to be taken off food stamps?

Hi, excuse me. I'm Reba Hart.

My daughter and her husband

signed up for food stamps yesterday.

- Hey, Susan. - Hi there, Van.

Oh, you brought Elizabeth.

I tell you, when I see that little one, it makes me feel

so good about what I do.

We're thinking about having another one.

Cha-ching!

No, they're not.

Now, look, these food stamps were a bad idea.

I'm taking care of everybody just fine.

So if you'll take them off your list, we'll be on our way.

Ah, the proud mother. I understand.

She won't even let me rent out my handicapped parking pass for extra dough.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Opportunity, that's who."

Charity is not for us.

Tippy-tappy.

I know what you're going through.

This whole process is a bit embarrassing.

Don't worry. We'll handle it.

Finally. Thank you.

- How many dependents do you have? - Me?

Um, five, I guess, countin' the baby.

Uh-huh. Any source of income?

No, not at the moment.

Do you have any drug or alcohol addiction?

No. Just an occasional glass of wine at dinner--

Hey, wait a minute. What are you doing?

Putting you on assistance.

Are you at the same address as your daughter?

[chuckles]

Cheyenne, why don't you and Van go over and have a seat? Go ahead.

Now you listen to me. I don't need aid. I don't want aid.

Oh, I know your type.

All your life you've looked down on those who need help,

and now that you're one of them, you can't admit it.

I'm not one of them. I am gettin' a job.

Oh, you have a job lined up?

No, not... not exactly, but I want one.

Oh, I see.

You're the one who wants a job.

Yeah.

Hey, everybody!

This is the woman who wants a job!

Cut it out. I'm going to work.

I'm the type of person who works for her money.

Not like all these other lazy good-for-nothings who just want

to lay around and cash a check.

Hey, everybody! No checks today.

- You're too lazy! - Stop that.

You're twisting my words. [sighs]

What I mean is

I still have options. They don't.

Right. Because they're big losers who have failed.

- Hey, everybody! - Would you stop that!

- That's not what I'm sayin'. - Then what are you saying?

[sighs] We're the type--

Those who--

The kind of--

The kind of scum who take handouts.

Hey, everybody! She just called y'all scum!

You know, thanks to people like you, these people feel awful.

Well, they shouldn't.

If someone's life has come to that,

there's absolutely no shame in taking help.

Really. I believe that with all my heart.

- Finally. - Yeah.

Same address?

Same address.

- [door opens, closes] - [man on TV, indistinct]

[Kyra] Hey, Mom. I'm home.

Hey.

- What're you doing? - Nothing.

Which is apparently all I'm qualified to do.

Well, good news, Mom.

I found a kid who owed me a quarter.

Kyra, you may think this is funny. I don't.

Careful. Red's in a mood.

- Hey. - Hey.

[singsong] There's Grandma, sittin' on the couch.

Still.

Well, lookee here.

Three generations, not a job among us.

Mom, why are you so down?

This is great. This is why I'll pay taxes,

if I ever get a job.

Which I'm not sure that I will because this is great.

You know, if you really feel that way,

then the worst part isn't me not gettin' a job.

It's that I didn't teach you the values I think are important.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

If it's that cute little ol' Girl Scout,

tell her this year there'll be no Thin Mints in this house.

Hey. We're ready to go to the zoo.

Uh, you know, it's a little chilly out there.

- You might wanna grab a sweater. - Oh, okay.

Careful. Red's in a mood.

Reba, you are not gonna believe this.

We were just down at the market,

and they said that the kids were buying food with food stamps.

Well, they won't let 'em buy lottery tickets.

Wait a minute. You mean it's true?

Oh, my gosh. They're on the dole.

It's Cheyenne and Van's way of helping out.

What you don't know about them is they're go-getters.

Well, that's ridiculous.

I mean, first a baby and now this?

We are on a slippery slope here, Reba.

A slope to where, Brock? I think we done slid down.

Yeah, well, no kid of mine is gonna be on assistance.

You gotta tell them to get off.

You'll have to tell them yourself. I don't want to look like a hypocrite.

What are you talking about?

Here. Run down to the store and get yourself something cheap.

You're on food stamps too?

What, did you get a group rate?

Oh, Reba.

Are you sick with the drink?

How could this happen?

I mean, what happened to the money you got in the settlement?

You can't possibly spend more than Barbra Jean.

Now, Brock, perhaps we shouldn't judge Reba.

Especially when she's sittin' here in her bathrobe...

in the late afternoon...

drinkin' whatever's in that cup.

Well, I wish you'd told me you were havin' trouble.

Now, I want you to know that I'm here for you.

Is there anything I can do?

Absolutely. Write her a check.

Well, I... I would, baby,

but it... it turns out she's bad with money.

Plus, we're not exactly loaded right now.

I don't want your money.

See? We're making her uncomfortable.

We should probably go.

Now, Reba, I know it's hard to admit when you need help,

but I had a friend in exactly your position,

middle-aged, no skills,

used to enjoy a little nip now and again.

Barbra Jean--

No, Brock, she needs to hear this.

And do you know what happened to her, Reba?

Neither do I.

Because she was always so drunk and depressin',

I stopped talkin' to her.

I refused to talk to her.

Why are you telling me a story about the luckiest woman in the world?

Because I don't want that to happen to you.

Let us help.

All right, Barbra Jean. That's enough.

She doesn't need our help.

This pathetic robed creature...

sitting on the couch is not who Reba is.

And one day she's gonna snap out of it and do

what the Reba I know would do.

She's gonna go out there and demand the job

she knows she deserves.

Are you sayin' that just so you won't have to write me a check?

Well, of course I am. But I still believe it.

Well, thank you very much.

That's exactly what I needed to hear.

Where are you going?

I'm going to go down there and demand the job I deserve.

The one I wanted in the first place.

Well, good for you.

Ah, whoa, whoa. Where you going with that?

Oh, parking's terrible at the zoo.

Like last time? I parked in "Giraffe."

Had a few beers. Wandered around "Gorilla"--

Give me that.

That's exactly the same kind of attitude

that makes the kids think it's okay to be on food stamps.

Whoo-ee! Red is in a mood.

[Reba] Come on. I don't have all day, Grandma.

[chuckles] Yeah, that's good.

Yes. Yes.

Hey! Hey, that's my spot!

Didn't you see my blinker on? You know what that means?

That means that's my spot! You-You-You--

You spot-taker!

Oh, man. There's no spot around here anywhere--

Oh.

[whistling]

Oh, good. You're still here.

Am I? Damn.

Look, Mr. Lewis. I think we have a difference of opinion.

You look at me and see

a soccer mom that drives a gold Volvo wagon.

But I think a mom is exactly what you need.

I spend every day with a house

full of demanding customers, and I haven't lost one yet.

- [phone ringing] - He's busy.

Now, I don't want to waste any more of your time.

But if I work this hard to get this job,

I hope you can only imagine how hard I'll work to keep it.

Now, it's your choice.

But if you let me walk out that door,

you'll be missing out on an honest person

who's got lots to prove, who plays everything

fair and square, right down the middle.

Bottom line. That's it. I'm done.

[sighs]

You can start Monday.

Thanks! Okay.

That was easy.

Wow. [laughs]

Did you say you drive a gold Volvo wagon?

Yep.

The one in the handicapped parking spot?

Other than that, I'd have gotten the job?

Oh, yeah.

I can't believe you used my parking pass illegally

and got caught.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?"

"The cops, that's who!"

I'm sorry you lost the job, Mom. That's a real drag.

No, it's not a real drag.

It's what you get when you cheat the system.

It's bad mojo.

Well, I thought about what you said.

About, you know, Van and I being

on food stamps and not teaching us the right values and--

Well, I don't want to teach my daughter the wrong values either, so...

- I'm proud of you, honey. - Thank you.

[knocking]

Okay. Hey, I need to talk to your Dad about somethin'.

Why don't you go break it to your husband

that Uncle Sam's no longer springin' for the Ding Dongs.

- Hey, Reba. - Hey.

Sorry about you not getting that job,

but if this is about me lending you money,

I was telling you the truth before. We just don't have it.

Relax. I don't want you to lend me money.

[sighs]

Well, then I apologize.

Anything else, all you have to do is ask.

I want you to give me a job.

Well, I guess we could scrape up a couple of hundred, but that's about it.

Why not?

You're always saying you need help down there.

Yeah, but, hiring your ex-wife?

I mean, that would be like--

Well, there is no worse example.

Look, I'm out of options.

And I need work experience.

You can't get a job unless you've had a job.

I need somethin' to put on my résumé.

Oh, go ahead. Put it on your résumé.

If anybody calls to check it out, I'll lie.

I'll tell them you were a great receptionist,

or a fantastic office manager.

You can be anything you want,

Dr. Hart.

Doesn't anybody understand that I want to do this the right way,

that I want to set a good example for my kids.

Whatever happened to pulling yourself up by your bootstraps?

Come on. Gimme a shot.

[sighs]

Okay. Fine. We'll try it.

Just for the record,

I think this could be a really bad idea.

[laughs] Oh, it's a horrible idea.

Gonna be miserable. I wouldn't be a bit surprised

if I wound up screamin' at you and throwin' a stapler at your head.

If this is what you said in your last interview,

I'm startin' to see why you didn't get the job.

I'll see you Monday.

Wear a helmet.

[theme music playing]

Acme! [coughing]