Original subtitles

Okay, and you want to hear the coolest part?

Every couple living in this dorm is on athletic scholarship.

Sort of like how the circus keeps all the freaks together.

Oh, no. They separate them.

If not, the Fat Lady would eat Lobster Boy.

[laughs] What's up? Upstage Kyra!

Wow! What a view! Hey!

I can see my car down in the parking lot.

Okay, who left their door open?

No, wait! Somebody's in there. Somebody's in my car!

Hey, hey! Somebody's breaking into my car! Stop that guy!

In the Volvo! Stop him!

No, wait.

That's not my car.

Oh, I so cannot wait to move in.

And once football season starts and everybody realizes you are

the star of the team,

we're only gonna be the most popular couple on campus.

Well, there are a lot of great players on the team,

but we might have the most popular baby.

Uh-huh.

You know what? Actually, there are a lot of great babies too.

Yeah, about that...

did you find out what kind of child care they have yet?

- Mom. - Well, I just want to make sure

they have someone that can take care of Elizabeth properly.

What if they don't have a redheaded woman with the voice of an angel?

Look, Mom, I know you're concerned,

but Van and I will take care of this.

But the nursery's very important.

And we'll take care of it.

The whole point of us moving out

is that we're in charge of our own lives now. We're adults.

Yeah, we can vote. We didn't, but we could.

Mom, can we please leave?

I'd like to try and squeeze in a tiny bit of my life today.

Oh, no, wait. You guys can't leave yet. I still have to show you our kitchen.

It has a sink. [laughs]

You're never going back to the prairie, are ya?

- You want to go check out the sink? - I vote yes!

Man, the facilities here are great.

They got a weight room, they got a newsstand,

they've even got a Red Bull machine down in the lobby.

Dad and I watched the girls' volleyball tryouts

for half an hour!

The boy wouldn't leave.

Come on, Jake.

Let's go dangle you out the bedroom window.

Hey! Oh, check on my car.

Be honest, Reba.

Are you okay with them moving out?

Well, part of me wants them to stay because of my grandbaby.

I mean, I'm the only one that's ever taken care of her besides Cheyenne.

Course, the other part of me wants that diaper pail out of my house.

We're only five minutes away. I'm sure we'll be over here all the time.

Heck, volleyball season starts October 9.

Well, at least now, Jake, Kyra, and I will start livin' a normal life.

- Yeah, it's been a hell of a year. - It sure has.

Thanks for that, by the way.

You know, I think our kids turned out pretty well considering.

Yeah, they're tough little boogers, aren't they?

Although sometimes I worry that Kyra's not a little bit too tough.

Naw, she's always been like that.

Hey, remember the time she punched that German shepherd?

[laughing]

Ah, it never pooped in our yard again, did it?

We used to have so much fun together.

Well, you still can. You just have to find something she likes doing now.

Brock, I can only watch so many episodes of The Osbournes.

[Imitating Ozzy Osbourne] Sharon! I got tangled up

in me shirt again! Aa-aah!

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ Who I am is who I wanna be ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Oh, Mrs. H, you're just in time.

Huh? I put up the Christmas lights.

What do you think?

I think it's September.

I figured since Cheyenne and I are moving out,

I'd do a bunch of big jobs to help out before we go.

Oh, well, that's very thoughtful of you, Van.

- Yeah, I know. - It really is.

- Well, thank you. - Take 'em down.

Kyra, can you come down here, honey?

So, let me guess.

You probably don't want the manger set up either?

Is it Christmas already?

Apparently not.

What?

Don't say "What." I got a little present for you, that's what.

Mom, Van and Cheyenne are moving out.

That's the greatest gift of all.

Rollerblades?

Yeah, and elbow and knee doohickeys,

and I got a pair too.

So, if you have a pair,

and I have a pair--

Wait, I must have this wrong.

No! We're gonna be skatin' together. It'll be fun!

- What do we get to do together? - Uh...

Well, you get to help me plan dinner.

Can we have hot dogs?

No, we're gonna have pork chops!

But you get to pick where we're gonna eat 'em.

Can we eat in the bathroom?

No, we're gonna eat 'em in the dining room!

Yea! We planned dinner!

Jake? Put Baby Jesus back.

Oh, man.

- What? - Don't say "What."

Oh, come on, Kyra. Let's at least try it.

We used to like doin' stuff together.

I apologize for wantin' to spend time with you, okay?

I am guilty of wantin' to be with you.

[mock sobbing]

So, now that that ugly little secret's out,

what do you say let's strap these babies on and go make

dang fools out of ourselves?

- [thudding] - [Van groaning]

- Van? - Oh, it-- I'm okay!

That was a close one. [groaning]

Van!

Sorry I took so long.

I came on the I-10, and it was a crawl from the 45 merge.

It's incredible that they haven't figured out they got to widen that corridor.

Every year it gets worse and worse.

Like a dang parking lot.

I'm gonna write a letter to city council, I swear.

Uh, how's Van?

Sorry, you didn't sound too concerned on the phone.

Well, we don't think he broke anything, but he kind of smashed up his knee.

That's not a bad injury for a football player, is it, Daddy?

The knee?

No.

No, no, no. Thank goodness it was the knee.

Mrs. Montgomery. Your husband is doing just fine.

It was a pretty severe strain on the knee, but it didn't need surgery.

He'll be in a brace for a few weeks.

If he works hard, he should make a complete recovery.

Oh, thank God. Oh, and you know, you all.

- Well, that is good news. - Oh, no.

What's the matter, sweetheart?

A couple of weeks? I mean, what about football season?

If Van can't play football, he is gonna freak.

Then we're just gonna have to help him get through this.

He's down, so we lift him up.

That's what families do.

We support each other.

We're just not gonna let him be depressed.

Whoo! Look out for the Vanmobile!

Come on, kiddo. Get your pads on.

Today's the day we finally get out and go skatin'.

Oh, no. Not again.

Jake! I know you have the Baby Jesus, and I want it back.

The Lord is not a toy!

Come on, Kyra. Get on. Let's go.

Could there be anything more embarrassing

than Rollerblading around the neighborhood with your mom?

I didn't want to play Candyland nine hours a day

when you were little, either, but I did.

You owe me.

Come on, Kyra.

I've been asking you to go Rollerbladin' with me for three days.

You going to or not?

Okay. But then we play Candyland till midnight.

Deal! Come on.

You do realize how stupid we're gonna look doing this, right?

Speak for yourself. I'm not the one skatin' with her mom.

Hey, it's the Vanmobile! How was the physical therapy?

Oh, outstanding. Those people down there are incredible.

Do you know there are guys down there playing basketball in wheelchairs?

There's Wheelchair Olympics.

You know, people in wheelchairs can do anything

they set their minds to.

Where you goin'?

I'm gonna go mow the lawn!

Ah.

Well, looks like you finally convinced Kyra to go skating with you.

Ah, you know Kyra. "Take me skatin', take me skatin'!"

Just like a broken record.

- Okay. - Good, Dad, you're back.

- You ready to go? - Yeah, all set.

We're gonna take stuff to the apartment. You want to come?

Oh, sorry. My day's all booked.

Are you sure?

I mean, we could swing by the nursery afterwards.

No, no, no. I heard what you said, honey.

I know you can handle it.

Well, of course I can. I just--

I was thinking... I mean, I don't see why you couldn't just tag along.

You're an adult. You'll be just fine.

Just make sure they answer any questions you may have.

Of course. Heh! I don't have any questions!

Van had the questions! What are the questions?

- Mom, I need questions! - Okay. Okay, I'll go.

Oh, hey, Kyra. You look great!

Hey, listen. Cheyenne needs me to go over to the campus with her. Is that okay?

- I don't care. - You want to come?

- Yeah, right. - Yeah.

Don't take off your pads. We are gonna skate today, okay?

[clicks tongue] All right, I'll be back in 15 minutes.

You and Mom, like, on a hockey team or something?

Actually, this little energy drink's not that bad.

But it's so tiny. I'd have to drink 10 of these.

Okay, and I'll catch your heart when it blows out of your chest.

Hey, why is my door open?

You must've left it open when you brought stuff over earlier.

I haven't brought anything over.

And somebody put a bunch of stuff in here.

We need to call the police.

And report what? A delivery?

[simultaneously] Can I help you?

Well, it's just that I think that you guys have the wrong apartment.

This is 7B, Van and Cheyenne Montgomery.

According to this letter from the athletic department,

7B just became available.

I think this is our apartment.

Well, there's only one way to settle it.

I'll race you for it.

What is going on?

How could they give away our apartment?

Oh, no, baby. I'm sure they didn't. It's just a mix-up.

When the athletic coordinator gets here, he'll straighten it out.

- Jeff is a great guy. - You think so?

Oh, you know what it could be?

Could be they wanna move you to a lower floor, 'cause Van's injured.

A lower floor? Like, where the badminton team lives?

- [sighs] - No. Uh-uh.

Cheyenne, calm down.

You're an adult. Are you gonna deal with this, or are you just gonna fall apart?

- I'm gonna fall apart. - No!

Yes. Yes, I am, Mom.

Oh, yes, I am. Everything is going wrong.

First Van gets injured, and now we're losing our apartment.

You're not losing anything. Look, tell you what.

Take my car, go home, feed the baby and relax.

Oh, and pick up another case of these, okay?

Aha! Make it two.

- Mom, are you gonna deal with this guy? - Oh, you bet I am. Go on now.

You know what?

This is probably just some computer mistake.

Like the time those "900" numbers showed up on our phone bill.

What was that about?

Don't you see what's goin' on around here?

They're tryin' to take Van's scholarship away 'cause he's hurt!

What? No! They'd never do that to him.

Oh, these colleges do that kind of thing all the time.

They did a big story on it on 20/20 or Night-thingie,

or that one where the guy's hair looks like it's made out of wood.

Great theory, except the guy in the kitchen's also hurt.

So why would they give the apartment to him?

Why?

'Cause shut up, that's why!

Jeff is on his way over.

Good, 'cause I'm eager to talk to him, real eager.

I'm gonna unpack some boxes.

Oh, no, Louis.

You gotta rest that arm if you're gonna be able to play again, honey.

She's right. So, Louis,

does this Jeff guy know you're hurt?

No, I don't think so. Why?

Well, you better stop unpackin'.

You may lose your apartment too.

What are you talking about?

Apparently these sleazeballs don't like givin' housing

to football players who can't play.

No, no, no. I don't play football. I play violin in the university orchestra.

Wait. I thought this dorm was for athletes.

Right.

That would be me, women's volleyball.

Oh, yeah!

You were at the tryouts.

Well, she was good.

Hello, Halle, Louis.

Well, hey there, Brock.

[chuckles] Hey, Jeff.

What seems to be the problem?

Oh, it's just a little misunderstanding, that's all.

All I know is what your letter says.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go talk to the painters.

I hope you can work something out.

Who knew playing the fiddle could be so dangerous?

His arm?

No, that happened when some moron grabbed him in the parking lot the other day.

Accused him of trying to steal his own car.

So, what can I do you for?

Oh, it's the craziest thing, Jeff.

Reba has this idea that you're tryin' to take away Van's housing.

I don't have any choice when somebody suspends their scholarship.

Oh, well, there's the mistake.

No, Jeff, no. Van didn't suspend his scholarship.

Oh, sure he did, Brock, yeah. He and I had a long conversation about it.

Was he on some kind of medication at the time?

- No. - Sometimes it's hard to tell.

No, no, this was all Van's idea.

He said he and Cheyenne talked it over and wanted to do it.

I asked him to redshirt, but he said he wanted to take a year off.

Now if you'll excuse me.

Why would Van suspend his scholarship?

Honest to God, Brock. Just when I begin to relax...

and think that those two are starting to act responsibly,

they pull somethin' like this.

When are they ever gonna grow up?

And look who I'm asking!

Oh, hey, sweetie. Sorry that took so long.

We kind of ran into an unexpected problem...

Mom, did you fix that thing?

...that's not quite over yet.

"That thing?" "That thing?"

Oh, "that thing" where you two think you'll still be able to

stay in college campus housing,

even though Van suspended his scholarship?

No, Cheyenne, I wasn't able to fix "that thing."

That's why we lost our housing? You suspended your scholarship?

No. No!

No, no, no! Okay, yeah.

Wait a minute. Didn't you discuss this with her?

Yes. Yes, of course.

Okay, no.

How could you not tell me about this, Van?

Well, I don't know. Sometimes it's hard to talk

about athlete stuff with you,

because you believe in me so much.

- [sighs] - It's like you think I can do anything.

Because you can!

See? It's always like this.

You're my wife.

It would be nice if you could show just a little doubt sometimes.

Doubt? Doubt about what?

Are you afraid your knee isn't gonna heal?

You are gonna be as good as new, honey.

You just won't let up, will you?

No, I'm not worried about my knee.

So why didn't you redshirt so you could start classes?

Oh, right, and risk becoming academically ineligible?

You have to maintain a C-minus average.

Who do you think I am? Albert Weinstein?

It's Einstein, Van.

No, the smart kid in senior class was Albert Weinstein,

Einstein.

Oh, this is a nightmare.

No new apartment or new life.

We were gonna be the most popular couple on campus.

Now we're not even gonna be on campus... or popular.

All we are is just a couple!

Well, at least you can run away.

I'm the one in the Vanmobile.

Van, I know you're injured, but--

You don't make decisions like that without talkin' to your wife!

You guys are a team! These things affect her too!

I guess I was scared to tell her.

Scared? Why?

You were only puttin' it off for a year.

Yeah, I guess.

Van, ever since I've known you, you've planned on playin' college...

and then trying out for pro.

Yeah, but I was a kid then.

That was the high school football team.

I mean, I was always the fastest player on the field.

But now I'm not even close. God!

I was really strugglin', Mrs. H, and that was before I got hurt.

Yeah, you're right.

You'll probably be a lot slower now.

That's sweet, but I know you're just trying to make me feel better.

Boy, you know what'd be cool? If they could do an operation

that turns my knee into some nuclear-powered super knee.

Of course, they'd have to do an operation on both knees,

or I'd just be running a really fast circle.

- And then I'd be dizzy all the time-- - Van!

As hard as it is, I really think

you need to talk this over with your wife.

Hey, Mrs. H. You wanna hear somethin' weird?

What?

When the doctor told me I wasn't gonna be able to play for a while,

you know what I felt?

Mm-mm.

Relief.

Does that make me a coward?

Oh, honey.

Anyone who tries to find

the thing that makes him happy is no coward.

Even though, technically, you are scared of Cheyenne.

Man, what an insane day.

All right. Cheer up, grumpy.

You don't have to go Rollerbladin' today.

But I promise you--

First thing tomorrow, I will humiliate you.

So it looks like Cheyenne and Van will be staying around a while.

But good news, Jake's moving out.

But you know what? Let's make a rule.

Even though they're gonna be here,

we're still gonna make time to do all our stuff together.

- Deal? - You mean like we did today?

Kyra, I'm sorry that I had to blow our skating off,

but Cheyenne had this major crisis, and I had to deal with it.

Yeah, I know you did, Mom.

You always do, and you always will.

No, believe me. We'll skate, we'll play Candyland,

we'll go down to the river and shoot rats if you want.

Honey, I promise I'll be able to make time for us.

Well, you know what? Maybe I won't.

Just because you want to spend time with me

doesn't mean I want to spend time with you.

Hang on. Why don't we go skatin' right now?

No! Can I just have some time for myself?

Would that be okay?

[exhales]

You got a second?

Mom, I'm hungry.

I know, Jake. I'm startin' dinner.

- What are we having? - We're havin' chick--

- We're havin' hot dogs. - Hot dogs? Yes!

And guess what?

We're gonna eat 'em in the bathroom.

I've never eaten in the bathroom.

I'll get some ketchup, mustard,

some chocolate milk,

some relish for Mom.

Where do we keep the buns?

[theme music playing]

Acme! [coughing]