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1
00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:15,932
Morning, sexy.
2
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:20,311
[grunting]
3
00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:25,483
What in the heck
do you think you're doing?
4
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:28,820
Well, right now I'm wondering
why we chose this color grout.
5
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,366
{\an8}You can't come in here
and just attack me like that!
6
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,410
{\an8}Close the curtain.
I can still see the view.
7
00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,998
{\an8}What's gotten into you?
You used to love it when I kissed you.
8
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,332
{\an8}Yeah, when we were married.
9
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,293
{\an8}- We are married.
- What?
10
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,545
{\an8}We're gonna go to the mall.
There's a sale on shoes.
11
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,881
{\an8}I'm going 'cause I'm in love.
12
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,800
{\an8}Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who's gonna be watching Elizabeth?
13
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,178
{\an8}- I'm not sure. Who's Elizabeth?
- Your baby.
14
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,681
{\an8}Mom, the last thing I'd have is a baby.
15
00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:59,100
{\an8}I'm 17. I've got
my whole life ahead of me.
16
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,688
{\an8}- Honey?
- Mom, are you all right?
17
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:06,649
{\an8}No! You say you don't have a baby,
18
00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:11,321
you're talkin' responsible,
and you're acting like a lovin' husband?
19
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,323
What's wrong with you people?
20
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:17,118
What's that smell?
21
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,789
[gasps]
22
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:24,834
Jake. Jake, honey,
go on back to your own room.
23
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:28,755
Is that gum?
24
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:33,426
- [baby crying]
- [crying] I can't turn her off!
25
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:35,261
Bring her here.
26
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:39,682
I haven't gotten any sleep
in three months.
27
00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:42,477
- I'm losing my mind, Mom.
- It's okay.
28
00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:47,816
- Shh, everybody. It'll be okay.
- [Elizabeth crying]
29
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,275
What's wrong with you?
30
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:52,028
[crying] It's just so beautiful.
31
00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:53,238
Come on.
32
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,534
[crying continues]
33
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,702
[sighs]
34
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,498
This is more like it.
35
00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:07,335
[Reba] Ha, hey!
36
00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:10,588
♪ Who I am is who I wanna be ♪
37
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:14,801
{\an8}♪ I'm a survivor ♪
38
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,389
[Kyra] Morning, Mom.
39
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:22,142
Is it technically morning
if you've never gone to sleep?
40
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,771
I need some coffee.
41
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:31,359
If you need more sleep,
try wearing earplugs like me.
42
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,695
- Ooh, can I borrow those tonight?
- Van.
43
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,573
{\an8}What? I need some sleep
so I can start to think clearly.
44
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:39,242
How many years you plan to sleep?
45
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,245
If you didn't want to get up
with the baby, you should say so.
46
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,747
- I don't want to get up.
- Oh, you're gettin' up.
47
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:48,293
{\an8}- I am not doing this alone.
- But what's the point?
48
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:51,254
{\an8}I get up. I hand her to you. That's it!
49
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:54,173
{\an8}I mean, it'd be different if
I was feeding her or something.
50
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:57,927
{\an8}But I'm not built that way.
These wells are dry.
51
00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,095
{\an8}Kids, can I say something?
52
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:02,015
{\an8}Mom, the last thing we need
now is your advice.
53
00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:05,476
{\an8}No, you're right. You're 17,
54
00:03:05,476 --> 00:03:08,313
{\an8}living in my house with
your husband and daughter--
55
00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,773
{\an8}You've got it covered.
56
00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:13,943
{\an8}Hey, Reba. This boy won't stop growing.
57
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,905
{\an8}From now on, no vegetables
and he takes up smoking.
58
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:19,824
{\an8}Well, at this point, I doubt
it would shock the neighbors.
59
00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:24,454
{\an8}- Did you have a good time?
- Yeah! Barbra Jean got me a GameCube.
60
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:28,499
{\an8}See ya at the puppet show, buddy!
61
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:33,129
{\an8}A GameCube, like the one
we both agreed not to get him?
62
00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:35,089
Surprise!
63
00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:37,383
Look, I know we talked,
but I changed my mind.
64
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:41,054
Brock, please tell me you're not letting
Jake play those violent video games.
65
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,640
We have to. The nice ones suck.
66
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,226
{\an8}- Brock.
- No, Reba.
67
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,978
{\an8}Barbra Jean got it so they could
have something to do together.
68
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,522
{\an8}He's having a great time.
She's having a great time.
69
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:52,649
{\an8}I don't see the problem.
70
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:56,027
I don't want Barbra Jean
making the parenting decisions.
71
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,279
I tell you what.
72
00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,782
From now on, you make
the rules at your house...
73
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,034
and don't worry about
who's making 'em at mine.
74
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:06,412
Oh, that's just great, Brock.
What happens when we go to the park?
75
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:09,123
Who makes the rules then?
76
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,542
I call the park!
77
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,715
I don't think it's fair
78
00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:19,842
that you always want me
to change the baby.
79
00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:23,096
Well, I'm taking care of
what goes into the baby, so logically--
80
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,682
So logically you would
clean up what you started.
81
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:29,477
No, Van. Logically--
82
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,688
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Socrates, Plato.
83
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,775
You really need to stop arguing.
84
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:38,695
Hey, I tell you what.
Tonight I'll watch Elizabeth,
85
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:41,197
so you guys can go out and have some fun.
86
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,825
- Is anyone checking on Elizabeth?
- We have a monitor.
87
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,451
Welcome to the 20th century, Kyra.
88
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:48,454
- [clicks]
- [Elizabeth crying]
89
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,124
And it's the 21st century.
90
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,210
[crying continues]
91
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,255
Are ya comin'?
92
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:00,425
Well, of course.
93
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:04,178
If I wasn't there to hand her to you,
the whole system would break down.
94
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,350
- So Jake got a GameCube?
- Oh, your father's so irritating.
95
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:11,894
He told me they have
a different set of rules over there,
96
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:14,772
and I just have to learn
to live with it. So here.
97
00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:17,191
- What's that?
- Five dollars. Tell me the rules.
98
00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:20,570
Five dollars. Gee,
I'll go see half a movie.
99
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:24,365
Look, I swear any information
you give me is confidential.
100
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:25,700
But you're my kids,
101
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,077
and I need to know exactly
what's goin' on over there.
102
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,539
Well, when you put it that way.
103
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,042
- Okay. Well, like, one thing they do...
- Yeah.
104
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,127
...is Barbra Jean doesn't
believe in bedtimes.
105
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:39,255
We go to sleep whenever we want,
even on a school night.
106
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:46,304
[chuckles] Well, isn't that fun?
107
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,431
But I'm sure you don't stay up that late.
108
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,599
It's kind of hard to sleep
109
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,934
with all the candy and soda
she lets us have.
110
00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,855
Candy? Really?
111
00:05:58,900 --> 00:05:59,817
What else?
112
00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:02,153
She gives us fast food
after you tell her not to.
113
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,864
- I told her not to do that!
- I just said that.
114
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:08,076
I'm not talkin' to you!
That's why I don't trust her parenting.
115
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,453
She's just trying to be popular.
116
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:13,581
[groans] She puts her needs over
the welfare of my kids.
117
00:06:15,124 --> 00:06:18,586
You think you could get her
to say some of those things on tape?
118
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,221
Yoo-hoo! Reba!
119
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,223
Oh, hi, Barbra Jean.
120
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,517
I got you a chair.
121
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,645
The little girl who was sittin'
here had to go to the bathroom.
122
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,814
No saveys!
123
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:43,111
My right cheek thanks you.
124
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,488
- My left cheek'll make do.
- [laughs]
125
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:49,367
Thank you all for coming.
Today we're having a puppet show
126
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,702
about a rabbit and a squirrel
127
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:54,747
that learn an important lesson
about how we should behave.
128
00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:58,459
- So what are you doing here?
- Brock had to do a root canal.
129
00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:00,878
It was an emergency.
130
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:03,381
You know, dentists are
the firemen of the mouth.
131
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,011
Only their calendars don't sell as well.
132
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:14,016
Larry, want to sneak
into the school tonight?
133
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,060
I don't know, Davey.
134
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,229
- [talking continues]
- Since school's only a half day,
135
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:21,399
I'd like to take Jakey
to lunch if that's okay.
136
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:25,361
Oh, lunch, huh?
Will there be food at this lunch?
137
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,530
Uh-huh.
138
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,282
You know, I'm glad you brought this up
139
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,076
'cause I've been
wanting to talk to you again
140
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:35,580
about keeping Jakey away from fast foods.
141
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:39,125
Oh, of course. I never give him fast food.
142
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:44,255
'Cause fast foods upset his stomach.
Then he's up all night.
143
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:48,885
And that's why, as his biological mother,
I asked you not to give him any.
144
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,970
We never do.
145
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,889
- You never give him fast food?
- Nope.
146
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,015
- Never?
- Not once.
147
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:56,726
'Cause you can tell me.
148
00:07:56,726 --> 00:08:00,271
I swear I've never given him fast food.
149
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:01,355
Liar.
150
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:08,112
- What?
- I said you're a liar. You lie.
151
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:12,074
You take him for fast food all the time.
You take him, and then you lie to my face.
152
00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:15,536
Well, I refuse to let my son
go to lunch with a liar.
153
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,419
It's also wrong to lie, Davey.
154
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,810
Did I ever tell you, when I was a kid,
we went to a dairy farm?
155
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,903
Oh, good Lord. Okay.
Upstairs. There you go.
156
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,952
Cheyenne, use a coaster.
157
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:01,624
You know, it's your fault
that I have to do this.
158
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:03,751
If you hadn't gotten Van
excited about going out,
159
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:07,964
I wouldn't have to sit here
and have my breasts vacuumed.
160
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:11,217
Our neighbors had hers shampooed.
161
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,719
They're just like new!
162
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,101
Hey, do you think if you fell asleep,
163
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,937
these would just keep sucking
all the moisture out of you
164
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,398
until you became like a raisin?
165
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:31,612
You can imagine how anxious I am
to have dinner with this man.
166
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:35,157
All right. Now, I want y'all
to go have a good time.
167
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,660
Don't talk about the baby.
Don't think about the baby.
168
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,829
Don't even say the word "baby."
169
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:44,083
- What?
- I miss my baby.
170
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:45,626
[Brock] Hey, guys.
171
00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:50,006
- Huh. What's wrong with Cheyenne?
- Gee, I don't know.
172
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:53,009
She's a teenage mother.
You'd think she'd be happier.
173
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:02,268
- What's up?
- I need you to apologize to Barbra Jean.
174
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:05,146
Apologize? Let's see.
175
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:07,690
- What are you doing?
- Checking for flying pigs.
176
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,611
Sorry.
177
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:16,574
- You're out of luck.
- She says you called her a liar.
178
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,909
She is. She said she never
gives Jake fast food.
179
00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:20,202
- She doesn't.
- Yes, she does.
180
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:21,537
- No, she doesn't.
- She does.
181
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,623
Reba, I admitted we had an affair.
182
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,625
I don't think I'd lie about a hamburger.
183
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,965
Hang on a second. I'm gonna
check something in the kitchen.
184
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,221
Quick double check.
Barbra Jean gave Jake fast food, right?
185
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,140
- No.
- Great. Thanks.
186
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:43,809
What?
187
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,936
Barbra Jean did not give Jake fast food.
188
00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:49,065
- But you said she--
- I know. I was just yanking your chain.
189
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,653
You realize your father is out there,
190
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:57,114
and now, because I was wrong,
I have to apologize to Barbra Jean?
191
00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:59,241
This just keeps gettin' funnier.
192
00:11:00,534 --> 00:11:04,372
I tell you what's funny. You're grounded!
193
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:08,084
Oh, and that five bucks
I gave you, it's Canadian. Ha!
194
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:18,260
[laughing]
195
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:19,428
You know what--
196
00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:22,890
I can't remember what all this was about
in the first place.
197
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:26,394
So what do you say next time
we're all out bowling, shoes are on me.
198
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,398
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not done here, Reba.
199
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,525
Barbra Jean didn't lie,
200
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,444
and I'm not leaving until
you promise to apologize to her.
201
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,116
[sighs] Fine. I'll apologize.
202
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:44,829
But she needs to apologize to me
203
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,623
for making me sit on that stupid,
little ol' bitty chair!
204
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,173
[knocking]
205
00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,218
[sighs]
206
00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:05,808
Hey, Reba.
207
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,605
Barbra Jean.
208
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,694
Brock said you wanted to talk to me.
209
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,697
Nope. Don't think so.
210
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:24,618
No?
211
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:27,371
He seemed pretty sure.
212
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:33,252
Oh! Oh, I, I bet I know what it is.
213
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:36,172
You know, we were laughing
and talking earlier about,
214
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,966
you know, how you guys are
always apologizing to me about,
215
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:41,260
you know, all the terrible
stuff you've done.
216
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:43,762
And I said,
217
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:46,891
"Gee, maybe I ought to apologize to you
sometime for something."
218
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,851
So, I'm sorry. See ya later.
219
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,353
Wait a minute.
220
00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:52,771
You're apologizing to me?
221
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:54,982
For what?
222
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:59,236
Oh, all right. Here goes.
223
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,032
I guess because of our history,
224
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:05,951
sometimes I was a little
too quick to judge you.
225
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,995
And that wasn't fair, so I'm sorry.
226
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,709
And I'm sorry I called you a liar.
227
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:18,172
- Oh, Reba!
- [grunts]
228
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:23,219
Yeah, I knew that was comin'.
229
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,181
[sobbing] You don't understand. I lied.
230
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:28,807
What?
231
00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:31,560
I did give Jake fast food.
232
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:35,356
Don't tell Brock, because sometimes
I'm just too tired to cook,
233
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,733
and Jake loves it so much.
234
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:40,277
And he loves me when I give it to him.
235
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,238
Can you ever forgive me?
236
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:45,241
Reba?
237
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:51,080
I'll give you 10 seconds.
Then I release the dogs.
238
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,292
You don't have dogs.
239
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,086
[whistles]
240
00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:00,381
Cannibal! Shredder! Come to Mama!
241
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,886
[barking]
242
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:14,895
This was a great idea.
243
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:17,565
I feel free.
244
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,736
- How's the salad bar?
- Good.
245
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:23,737
What'd you get?
246
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:27,032
Well, I got baby corn
and little baby carrots.
247
00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:33,622
[crying] And baby lettuce.
248
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,249
Okay. Hold it right there.
249
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:37,585
Your mom said we're not
supposed to talk about that.
250
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,753
And why not, huh?
251
00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:42,965
I mean, Van, did you ever think
maybe I'm not obsessing too much,
252
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,341
but you're not obsessing enough?
253
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,802
Oh, so this is all my problem?
Maybe it is.
254
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:50,055
I knew it! You think I'm a bad parent.
255
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,516
- I never said that.
- Well, let me tell you something.
256
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:54,768
I love that little girl.
257
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:57,396
And just because I don't
check on her every 10 seconds
258
00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:00,190
or jump up the minute she cries,
doesn't mean I don't.
259
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:02,234
Well, of course you do.
260
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:05,321
Good. Then I don't want
to hear any more about this.
261
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,656
Okay.
262
00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:13,162
- Van--
- [crying] I'm a terrible parent.
263
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:18,626
I don't like my baby.
264
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:22,880
- What?
- Well, she-she cries,
265
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,883
and she doesn't sleep,
and she-- She smells.
266
00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:31,263
I mean, I-I love her,
but maybe I'm not a baby person.
267
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:34,642
You know, we should have had a 12-year-old
like my cousin. He's really cool.
268
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,480
Van, you poor thing.
269
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,607
Then I watch you, and you're so into her,
270
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,525
and it just makes me feel guiltier.
271
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:45,653
[sighs]
272
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,821
- Can I tell you something?
- Oh, why not?
273
00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:50,366
It can't be worse than me saying
I don't like my own baby.
274
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,993
[crying] I don't know
if I like her either.
275
00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:56,038
- What?
- I don't know. I try, but it's just--
276
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,373
It is never enough.
277
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,416
I thought this would be easier.
278
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:01,335
I mean, Van, I love her too, but,
279
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:06,340
God, she's like this tiny
angry guest that won't go away.
280
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,094
So you're a bad parent too?
281
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,429
Yeah.
282
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:14,390
[crying] I love you so much.
283
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:19,520
So originally, you told the truth,
284
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,980
but then you lied
285
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,108
when I asked you if you lied
about telling the truth.
286
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,866
Yeah, that's right.
287
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:35,703
Okay. So what's going on?
And this time I want the truth.
288
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,623
I was just kidding around at first, but...
289
00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:42,793
then when everything blew up,
I just wanted the arguing to stop.
290
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,795
But you people just won't let it go.
291
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:49,133
Oh, come on. It's not like
we're at each other's throats or anything.
292
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,719
- I mean--
- [chuckles] Your dad won't let it go,
293
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:55,389
but I'm not like that. [laughs]
294
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:57,307
You're both like that.
295
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,685
You ask me about them,
and they ask me about you,
296
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,478
and I'm always stuck in the middle.
297
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:08,402
Oh, honey. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize we were doing that.
298
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,320
It's gonna stop. I promise.
299
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,537
So what do they ask about me?
300
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:25,335
Hey there. Looks like
someone had a good time tonight.
301
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:29,048
Yes, we did. We had a very long talk.
302
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,675
Yeah, we realized
there's nothing wrong with us.
303
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:33,594
- Babies are just a nightmare.
- Mm-hmm.
304
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:37,765
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
305
00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:41,477
You know, you could have told us that
before we got pregnant.
306
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:45,022
Yeah, we think maybe someone
wanted to be a grandparent.
307
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,358
Yeah, I'm living the dream.
308
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:52,488
[knocking]
309
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:57,785
Did you call me over here
310
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,995
- about the hamburger thing again?
- Yes.
311
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:03,123
Ah, terrific. It's the third time today.
312
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:06,001
Cows don't talk this much about hamburger.
313
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,047
Look, I want to trust you
with the kids, but I can't,
314
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:12,341
unless I know everything
that's going on over there.
315
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,719
- Isn't trust believing without knowing?
- No, that's faith.
316
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:19,473
- Well, how about a little faith?
- How about just cough up the information?
317
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,226
Okay, fine. But two can play at that game.
318
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,686
If I have to answer your questions,
you have to answer mine.
319
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,855
Fine.
320
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,485
You already know about
the fast food. What else?
321
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:34,363
- You let them go to bed anytime they want?
- No, they have a bedtime.
322
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:37,032
Do you say nasty things
about Barbra Jean in front of the kids?
323
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,617
- Yes.
- [scoffs]
324
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,372
Do you ever let 'em have
candy and soda at night?
325
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,333
Yes, that's my right
as a father, but not very often.
326
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,710
Do you use our 13-year-old
daughter as a spy?
327
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,045
- Yes.
- Oh.
328
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,883
Do you make Jake take his vitamins?
Does he brush his teeth?
329
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:58,095
- Who puts gum on his feet?
- This is ridiculous.
330
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,098
Why her?
331
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:04,351
What?
332
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:10,607
Why her? Why Barbra Jean?
333
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:13,026
Why? [chuckles]
334
00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:15,154
Come on, Reba. What does it matter?
335
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,364
'Cause it drives me crazy!
336
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,575
I mean, it's not like
I want you back or anything.
337
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:20,951
It's just that...
338
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:23,203
it just doesn't make any sense.
339
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:25,664
I mean, I'd get it if she was Miss NASCAR
340
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,709
or the girl that hands out
the rubber worms down at the boat show.
341
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,799
Did you just want somebody taller?
342
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,677
She needs me, Reba.
343
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,847
- My kids needed you.
- And they still have me.
344
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:45,601
And I will always be here for our kids.
But you didn't need me, Reba.
345
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,020
- Oh, that's ridiculous.
- No, it's not.
346
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,106
I mean, you can make toast.
Barbra Jean can't.
347
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,153
Help me out here, Brock.
348
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:59,031
Is "make toast" code for something?
349
00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:04,119
No. No, see, Barbra Jean
loves makin' breakfast.
350
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:07,456
I mean, omelets, bacon,
fresh-squeezed juice.
351
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:10,584
But she can't make toast.
She always burns it.
352
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,921
So I make it. And when
I bring the toast to the table,
353
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,215
I'm a big hero.
354
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:22,179
Boy, I didn't think
it was gonna sound that stupid.
355
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,226
No, I get it.
356
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:31,813
I don't guess I made you feel much
like a hero last couple of years.
357
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:34,942
Well, maybe that's because
I wasn't much of a hero.
358
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:40,280
We okay?
359
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:43,575
Yeah.
360
00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:47,329
I'll talk to ya later.
361
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,415
- Okay.
- [door opens]
362
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:53,669
[door closes]
363
00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:00,634
What kind of a moron can't make toast?
364
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:10,560
[theme music playing]
365
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:41,550
{\an8}Acme! [coughing]
28557
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