Original subtitles

The baby shower cavalry has arrived!

[chuckles] I've got a punch bowl and a cake stand

and a gold-plated armadillo.

- What do we need that for? - I was just trying to get rid of it.

This giggly girl-fest is gonna be so lame.

Oh, come on, Kyra. Baby showers are fun.

We get to eat and play games.

- What kind of games? - Well, there's this one

where anytime someone says the word "baby,"

you get to take the clothespin off their shirt.

What's a clothespin?

Okay. Mom's starved for fun,

but what's your excuse for coming to the shower?

I'm an adult. I get to drink.

[gasps] Oh, my God. These are so cute! [giggles]

I can't wait for my party. All my friends are coming.

Wait. Who's Gladys Horsted?

A dear old friend of the family.

Who has money coming out her hoo-ha.

Which she had lifted, by the way.

So the only reason we invited your friends is because they have money?

It's not about the money. It's about the gifts. [chortling]

Plus, they've had babies, so they know what you need.

Like a stroller, diaper bag, car seat.

Why do I need a car seat? I don't even have a car.

Unless your baby plans on walking home from the hospital,

she's gonna need a car seat.

- For the car I don't have? - [chuckles]

You know the rule. Your daddy and I will get you a car when you can pay for half.

Oh, like that's gonna happen.

What? She has five bucks to her name and owes me 20.

Jake will have a car before she does.

I'm saving for a Porsche.

Okay. We got the chairs from old Mrs. Jenkins,

but she says she wants a receipt.

Yeah. Apparently, you borrowed a cup of milk from her a year ago,

and you never paid her back.

She can remember a cup a milk,

but she can't remember to wear pants when she goes outside?

Honey, look at the cute plates Mom bought for the shower.

Ohh. Those are adorable. [chuckles]

I don't have to be there, do I?

- Ladies only. - [both] Sweet!

Hey, listen. Thanks for letting Barbra Jean come to the shower.

Can we pin a tail on her?

Right after we hide-and-don't-seek her.

Hey. Just make sure she brings an appropriate gift.

Cheyenne's friends will take care of the thongs and lip gloss.

[chuckles] Don't worry.

I'm on my way to Ed's Video to pick up a big-screen television.

A big-screen television?

Brock, you're supposed to be getting something practical.

That's practical.

Van's gonna need something to do while Cheyenne's taking care of the baby.

Okay. Fine. I'll get something practical.

Oh, and Brock, F.Y.I., foosball table, not practical.

[theme song playing]

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

- [women] Aww! - [woman 1] How cute.

- [all giggling] - [woman 2] Aww.

Guess Cheyenne's weight for a buck? Winner gets $10.

I'm in. Let me take a good look first.

Cheyenne, stand up. Mrs. Horsted wants to see your dress.

Oh.

See? She's huge.

- Mom. - 181 pounds.

Okay. Her gift better be good.

Here. [mouths words]

Wow! One of these!

- It's a breast pump. - Ew.

I mean, thank you.

I'll think of you whenever...

Yeah.

Can I see? Can I see?

Ohh!

Oh, these are nice.

I think I just became lactose intolerant.

Okay. This is from Jeanette, Kimberly, Megan and Shelly.

Also known as "the easy girls."

Oh, my God! This is so cute!

Oh. Your little girl's gonna look precious in that.

No, it's for me when I'm thin again.

I'm gonna wear this home from the hospital.

[chuckling]

Keep dreamin'. [laughs]

Well, thank you, guys, so much for everything.

Not so fast. There may be one present left.

Something special from me to my beautiful granddaughter.

Mom.

[women gasping]

- [woman 3] Ohh. - [woman 4] Gorgeous.

I started sewing on this quilt the day I found out you were pregnant.

Well, maybe a few days later.

That first week, I was sedated.

Each little square is made from your baby clothes.

She said, "Baby!" She said, "Baby!"

I win! Ha-ha! [giggling]

Somebody needs to put her down.

You're the best mom ever.

Whoo. Where am I, the Miss America contest?

Look at all these beautiful women!

You must be security.

I thought we agreed not to hire a clown.

I just stopped by to drop off a little present.

Oh? Where is it?

Close your eyes. All right.

What's that smell remind you of?

I don't know.

A new car?

Oh, tell me you didn't buy her a new car.

No. Of course not.

- It's got 40,000 miles on it. - [gasping]

Oh, my God! You bought me a car?

- Daddy! - [giggling]

Come on. It's in the driveway. Let's go take a look.

A car! I can't believe it!

She'd have been better off with a foosball table.

How could you do that? How could you just go out and buy a car

without consulting me?

You said practical. It's got four doors.

Brock, we had a rule.

Our kids do not get a car unless they can pay for half.

Come on. We also had a rule that said no boys in Cheyenne's room,

but that pretty much flew out the window.

Cheyenne is gonna be a parent soon.

It's more important now than ever that she learn responsibility.

Hey. I hear you, but the situation's different now.

I mean, would it kill us to bend a little?

No. A rule's a rule.

Oh, come on! We've caved on lots of rules.

What about "No toy guns for Jake"?

And how about "Kyra can't wear makeup till she's 16"?

You were the one who bought the six-shooters and the glitter eye shadow.

- She said, "Please." - [Reba groans]

Come on, Reba. Times change.

You have to be flexible with kids.

Oh, I know what flexible means.

We make a rule, you break it,

and once again, I'm the bad guy.

All right. Fine.

You want me to take the car away? I'll take the car away.

- Cheyenne! - No! You can't do that!

You take it away now, they'll know it's just because of me.

Well, it is because of you.

Okay. Fine, fine. My mistake. I'll take full responsibility.

Better get to 'em before they get too excited about it.

[Van] Coach!

A car?

[laughing]

But it's not fair. We need a car.

No, I know, honey, but there's a reason for rules like this.

They teach you responsibility and a good work ethic.

I have a good work ethic, don't I?

For someone who's never worked, you do.

But if our baby doesn't have a car for senior prom,

all her buddies are gonna laugh at her.

Maybe she should have thought about that

before she spent all her wedding money

on a football signed by Troy Aikman.

She loves that ball!

I'm sorry, guys, but a rule's a rule,

so for now, the car stays in the garage.

And when you've earned $3,000, it's yours.

Now, I know you think what I'm doing isn't fair,

but in time, you'll come to see that it's what is best.

- It's okay, Dad. We understand. - Okay.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

So you like your presents?

The ones I got to keep.

"Thank you, Mom, for this great shower

and for spending eight months sewing this beautiful treasure for my child!"

[Imitating sobbing]

- Sorry. And I really do like my quilt. - Great.

I cannot believe you saved all my baby clothes.

Well, actually, this blue square right here is from Jake's sunsuit.

I'll throw in one of your bras when I make his quilt.

[Cheyenne laughs]

Cheyenne, I know you and Van are disappointed about the car,

but your daddy and I think this is the best thing to do.

Van and I are gonna be parents.

It would be so much easier if we had a car.

Yes, it would be easier.

But sometimes the easy way is not always the best way.

Besides, wouldn't you rather earn something

than just have it handed to you?

No.

Big news! You are looking at the new sauce-and-cheese captain

at Fat Tony's Pizza Palace!

Oh, Van, that's terrific!

Or should I say Captain?

Honey, this is so great.

Hey. At minimum wage, we'll be driving on Easy Street in no time.

I wish I could get a job.

Who wants a knocked-up pizza girl?

Hey. I tell you what, Cheyenne. You can come work for me.

You don't do anything.

Well, that's true,

but the little fairies who pick up after you are going on vacation,

so you can help me around the house.

And that way, you and Van can both earn money towards the car.

Thanks, Mom. I'm gonna make your life so much easier.

Hey. Let's go upstairs.

- You can help me memorize cheeses. - Okay.

Fairies?

Anyone? Help!

- Hi, Mom. - Wow.

You at the dishwasher and me without my camera.

Just my fifth load today.

Great.

Do we have that many dishes?

Oh, I didn't just wash the breakfast dishes.

I washed all the dishes. I kinda got into it.

[Reba chuckles]

- Where'd this white one come from? - Your china cabinet.

The bluebonnet plates my great-grandmother hand painted?

- Yeah. They were all dusty. - And hand painted.

Shouldn't that paint be dishwasher safe?

They didn't have dishwashers back in 1898!

- Right. Sorry. - Ohh.

- I could do something else if you want. - No, no, no.

You've done so much already.

Okay. Well, I worked for four hours today,

plus a half hour lunch, so we'll just call it six.

Mom! Dad bought me the solar system!

I wondered how he was gonna top that car.

Hey. Nice call on the planetarium.

- It was very educational. - He fell asleep.

The cosmos is so serene.

Dad, I made $120 today.

No, you didn't.

Oh, that's great, honey.

I'm so proud. My little girl pulling her own weight.

Yeah, and at 181 pounds, that's saying a lot.

I do not weigh 181 pounds.

Then how much do you weigh?

Shut up!

The working man is home!

This is a great job.

At the end of the day, Fat Tony lets us take home day-old calzone.

Plus that snappy uniform. Gee. Why'd I ever go to dental school?

You know, every day I'm getting closer

to that car Mrs. H made you take back from us.

Hey! It was a mutual decision.

Yeah. That's right. You know, you kids are lucky.

It took me a long time to learn how to be responsible.

Talk about a work in progress.

Uh-uh-uh. You are so sexy in that uniform.

- [giggles] - Yeah? You should see me in my hairnet.

[Cheyenna] Mmm.

You wanna know something even sexier? I got a promotion!

You mean there's something above cheese captain?

Oh, yeah. Delivery. That's where the money is.

See, Fat Tony's wife left him, so I'm taking her shift until he can replace her.

Well, good going, son. You see? Hard work pays off.

Oh. Wait a minute. Do they provide you with a car?

No, but they give you a really cool sign to stick on your car.

- But you don't have a car. - [chuckles]

Yeah. About that...

I was kinda hoping you wouldn't mind letting me

drive our new one, just this once.

- Oh, could he, Mom? - Van, we had a deal.

You get the car when you can pay for half, not before.

Right, Brock?

Whatever your mom says.

We're a team on this one.

I gotta go.

Come on, Mom. Why do you always have to be such a stick in the mud?

Hey, Mrs. H, it's to help earn the money.

And the car's just sitting there in the garage.

I know that. That's the whole point of this thing,

is for you to earn the privilege.

- Then let him use your car. - [laughing]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

My car has a job.

It takes Kyra and Jake places. It picks up the groceries.

It gets speeding tickets.

But it's my job and I said I'd do it.

I'm trying to be responsible here. How can I be responsible if I can't drive?

I'm sorry. It's not my problem.

Man! Thirty deliveries in four hours!

Oh, and Fat Tony says if we drive an hour of overtime,

we get today's calzone!

Now I know why Fat Tony's wife left him.

[Lori Ann] Reba, why are you punishing yourself?

Cheyenne is destroying your house.

You've been driving Van around all week.

How many more nights do you have to work till those kids earn the car?

With salary, tips, no bathroom stops, five years.

Remind me again why this is a better idea

than just giving them the car in the garage.

You know, it was a good rule when we made it.

[sighs] Of course, that was back when we thought

Cheyenne was going to college, getting married,

having a baby, in that order.

Just tell the kids you changed your mind. Be the good cop for once.

Don't you think I wanna be the good cop?

But there's a principle at stake!

Cheyenne and Van are finally learning how to stand on their own two feet.

You ready, Mrs. H?

It's only five more years.

Ahh. Hey, Reba.

You look terrible.

Don't you have a new wife to sweet-talk?

Cheyenne's making me brownies.

I gotta tell you, you're doing a wonderful job with both these kids.

Cooking is so much fun. Oh, don't worry.

I'll clean the kitchen tomorrow, no charge.

Oh, thank God. Something without cheese.

Okay. Van's here. What did you two wanna tell me?

- You wanna do it? - No, you.

Okay. Here it is. Our first installment for the car.

[Cheyenne] One hundred dollars.

Already? That's very impressive.

Yeah. Only 2,900 to go. We're almost there.

Oh, and that's just the beginning.

I've been doing all of Mom's housework and she owes me big.

You were right to take back the car, Coach.

Just giving it to us was way too easy.

Yeah, it was really rough at first, but I'm so glad that we hung in there.

Yeah. I just hope someday I can be half as good a parent as you are.

Now, now. I don't deserve all the credit.

Someone else was a big part of this.

You two, for doing all the work!

- Yeah. - [laughing]

All right! Wait a minute!

- You're fired, and I quit! - What?

You can't quit! We have a double shift tomorrow!

No! We don't!

You can't have a delivery job if you don't have a car.

Why am I fired?

Because you're lousy at your job.

I'm gonna pay you what I owe you for ruining my great-grandmother's china

and then you two are on your own.

Coach, she's taking away my livelihood.

I'm sorry, kids, but you heard your mom.

I'm sure she has a good reason for doing this,

even if it doesn't seem to make much sense right now.

$2,900?

Six hours, right?

No way!

That's what we need for the car!

Is this a joke?

You earned some of it. The rest is my shower gift.

I knew there was more than just that quilt!

Of course, Van, you'll wanna keep your job

so you can pay for the gas and insurance, if you think that's fair.

Oh, it is more than fair. It's "fair-tastic"!

- Thanks, Mrs. H! - You're welcome.

Yeah, thanks a lot, Mom.

Oh, come on, Van. Let's go sit in our new used car!

[giggling]

- What just happened here? - I just got credit

for giving them the car you bought 'em.

- Pretty clever, huh? - What about your principles?

Turns out my sanity comes first.

What about teaching our kids responsibility

and a good work ethic and all that other junk we stood for?

Believe or not, I think they really did learn something.

But most important, they love me the best!

[laughs boisterously]

Okay. Fine.

Yeah, you can be the good cop for now.

But watch out.

Cheyenne and Van are gonna want a house someday,

and Jake has always wanted a pony.

You wouldn't.

Oh, I've been compromising my principles a lot longer than you have.

Well, watch out. I'm a fast learner.

[laughing]

[closing theme music playing]