Original subtitles

- [tape ripping] - [muffled cry]

[Cheyenne screaming]

Ready?

[both] Okay!

You're player of the week and we're here to say

that you are being kidnapped, so you better obey.

We love the way you tackle. We love the way you block!

- So come on and-- - What's going on?

Mom, you hold 'em down, and I'll whack 'em with the mallet.

It's Marci and Luanne. They're on the drill team.

Mom, you hold 'em down, and I'll whack 'em with the mallet.

It's okay. They're just doing the kidnap breakfast.

How did you get into my house?

Coach Hart has a key.

Not anymore, he doesn't.

Luanne, why wasn't I told about this?

I mean, don't you think if there's anyone who can get

Van fired up for a game, it's me?

[muffled chuckle]

- What are you smiling about? - [muffled speaking]

Well, you're not on drill team anymore.

And you haven't showed up for the last few spirit meetings,

so we figured you didn't want to do stuff like this anymore.

Hello! I'm pregnant. I'm throwing up at 7:00 a.m.

Well, you're welcome to come with us.

We made Van the Wildcat Breakfast. Bacon, sausage and ham,

all scrambled up in eggs and swimming in salsa!

Ugh! Did you have to say salsa?

- [muffled speaking] - Don't worry. I'll take care of her.

Let's go!

It's 5:00 a.m. Somebody oughta whack me with a mallet.

[theme song playing]

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

[Marci and Luanne grunt] Ungawa! Van has got the power!

Okay! Well, thanks for breakfast! I'll see you all at school.

[Marci and Luanne] Go, Van!

So, looks like being a football player makes you pretty popular with the girls.

Yeah, they'll do anything for you.

That's how Cheyenne and I got together.

Oh, that's so nice to hear.

Oh, so you're back.

How was your little breakfast?

Oh, come on, you're not mad, are you? I had to go. It's tradition.

- Well, it's a stupid tradition. - Cheyenne, how can you say that?

You're a Pepette. You took the oath.

Don't you remember last year, when you broke into my house to kidnap me?

- Yeah. - Remember?

After you tied me up, you told the other girls to go warm up the car?

- [chuckles] Yeah! - Yeah.

Good Lord! What exactly was in that oath?

Hey, uh, Mrs. H, I got a little problem.

See, the Player of the Week, that's me!

So I heard. "Ungawa!"

Anyway, his parents are supposed to throw. a pregame steak dinner for the team.

But since my folks hate me, I was kind of wondering if you wouldn't mind doing it.

Gee, Van, I've never been to one of those dinners before.

Brock used to tell me about 'em, but... [chuckles]

I'm pretty sure I don't want a busload of hungry football players

invadin' my livin' room.

Oh, no. Please, Mom?

It'd be great to have it here. Come on. You've fed the drill team before.

Yeah! Forty weight-conscious girls!

You almost ate me out of carrots.

I'll even help you.

I knew it was a lot to ask, but I don't have anyone else.

And everyone knows you're the awesomest cook ever!

I guess I can just tell them that maybe somebody with parents can do it.

Oh, all right. I guess I am the mother of a football player now.

Aww, thanks, Mom!

You're the best!

Boy, he sure makes it hard to say no.

Tell me about it. [laughs]

- Hey there! - I thought I had your key.

- Aw, this is B.J.'s. - It's just for emergencies.

In case of an emergency, you keep her away from my house.

So, if you'll excuse me, I have to go dig a pit in the backyard,

so I can grill 60 steaks at one time.

That's why we're here.

We're about to do you a big favor.

We're going to introduce you to the bible.

A couple of nice young boys came by earlier and told me all about it.

Not that Bible. This bible.

"The Westchester Wildcat Pregame Steak Dinner Bible."

Oh, you got to be kiddin'.

This is football, Reba.

There's no kiddin'.

This was created in '79, and honed and perfected for over a decade.

Now, before every home game,

the Wildcats gather and feast upon this winning formula.

"Linemen must never sit at the same table as backs."

"Offensive players must face the east, defense the west."

This is crazy!

Look. Why don't you just let B.J. do the dinner?

She thrives on this kind of thing.

I do! I really do!

Hold on. I never said I wasn't gonna do the dinner.

Though I think a steak dinner bible

that's bigger than the real Bible is a bit much.

See, yeah-huh, that's what I'm talking about. This isn't your cup of tea.

You know, you've never really been a diehard football fan.

Hey, I'm a fan!

Do you have a Wildcat tattoo on your fanny?

- Really? - [groans]

It's very tasteful.

[mouthing inaudibly]

Let's just let B.J. handle the dinner.

Oh, no. I'm not letting B.J. handle anything else of mine.

I told Van I was gonna do this, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

So, thanks for the fellowship and the bible study,

but if you'll excuse me, I have to go find a compass,

so I can figure out which way to aim my tables.

All right. But one word of advice--

[Kyra] Steaks?

Charcoal grilled and individually branded with each player's number.

Cute. Corn?

Shucked by hand, soaked in butter and served with football corn-holders.

You're scarin' me.

Hey, I don't have to have a Wildcat on my fanny to prove I've got spirit.

Okay! [chuckles nervously]

Iced tea?

Sweetened with molasses and stirred by Jake.

- That's enough stirring, buddy. - I'm not stirring. I dropped my gum.

[Cheyenne] Hi.

Oh, there you are. Did you get everything?

The potato salad was easy.

Finding a coconut shaped like Coach's head took a while.

Hey, the bible calls for Ed's Famous Potato Salad.

This is Gerland's.

[groans] I must have grabbed the wrong one.

You were probably excited about finding the coconut.

No, I should've never cut through the baby aisle.

I just stood there for five minutes looking at all that stuff a baby needs.

By the time I got to the potato salad, my head was spinning.

I'll go back.

There's not enough time.

But, Mom, it has to be Ed's. It's a tradition.

You just dump it in here,

and now, it's Ed's.

I think we just witnessed a miracle.

- Thanks, Mom. - [doorbell rings]

[gasps] They're here!

You get the bible, you finish up on the potato salad

and you, keep lookin' for that gum.

Okay, championship pennants.

Wine goblet filled with dirt from the opposing team's field.

Stuffed wildcat in attack position.

Poor fella.

Okay, wait, hold on. Before you open the door,

should I be standing here, or should I go upstairs and make an entrance?

Why don't we just rig a trapeze and you fly in?

Too showy. I'll make an entrance.

Hey, Reba.

Holy moly! This place looks incredible!

You sound surprised.

All right, Barbra Jean. Go ahead and check around.

- Here's the bible. - Oh, I don't need the bible.

I got it memorized.

Both of them.

Okay. If we're ready,

Coach Harrell will lead the way and tell you how pretty you look.

Then the rest of the team enters, and they kiss the hostess.

Here we go.

Hey, Reba.

Whoo-whee!

Don't you look pretty tonight!

Thanks, Coach.

- We gonna have a good dinner tonight? - I hope so.

I said, are we gonna have a good dinner tonight?

Yes, sir, Coach!

All right then. Let's bring it on!

[all] Go Wildcats!

Oh, everything looks really great!

Thanks.

Hey, I'm a football mom now.

Come on, Montgomery. Quit hogging the hostess.

Yeah, move it, Montgomery. I got a whole football team to kiss!

Uh, attention, everybody.

I'd just like to take a moment to thank our hostess for doing such a super job.

And I think that we should dedicate tonight's game to Reba.

[all chanting] Reba! Reba! Reba! Reba! Reba!

Thank you. It's been my pleasure.

You know, it's not every day a girl gets to kiss every guy on the football team.

She obviously doesn't know Maria Cartwright.

And now, if everyone will join hands and bow your heads,

Barbra Jean will say grace. Barbra Jean?

All right. All right.

Dear Gracious Lord,

thank you for the wonderful food we are about to receive.

Tonight, we ask your favor once again,

as we do battle in your name against our archrival, Shadowdale.

Help us play our best, O Lord,

especially late in the game, when we have a tendency to come up short on third down.

- Amen. - Amen!

- All right, everybody dig in! - Okay!

Time for the Wildcat cheer!

Hey, Cheyenne! Why don't you join us?

Oh, me? Well, I'm not officially a Pepette anymore.

Oh, come on, Cheyenne. Everybody wants to see you cheer.

Yeah! It'll be like old times.

Well, I don't know, you guys.

I mean, I don't have my uniform on,

and I hardly remember the routine.

But if everybody wants me to. All right! [chuckles]

Hey Cheyenne, why don't you "ready-okay" us?

Oh, my God. Thanks, Luanne.

Ready? Okay!

We're going to rock 'em and sock 'em and knock 'em till they drop.

'Cause the Westchester Wildcats are the cream of the crop.

- [girls] Whoo! - [cheers and applause]

[all cheering]

Oh, Mom. Thank you for having this dinner tonight.

I'm gonna go put on my uniform,

and I'm gonna go sit with Marci and Luanne at the game.

It's like I'm back. [giggles]

You sure are.

Aww.

We need more gravy!

- Already? - Jimmy thought it was soup.

Reba, I just have to tell you.

You have done an absolutely wonderful job tonight.

You know, it feels to me like we're really sharing something.

- You mean, besides my husband? - [giggling]

I'm so glad we can joke about that now.

- [B.J. gasping] - What?

[gasps] Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

- Barbra Jean. Now, calm down. - No, no, no, no!

No! You got the wrong potato salad.

- Let's not panic. - You poisoned the team!

Potato salad is potato salad!

Oh, no, it's not. No, it's not. Now we're gonna lose!

Barbra Jean. Hand me the bucket.

Everybody's havin' a nice little dinner.

Let's just keep this between the two of us.

Okay. Okay, W-W-J-D. What Would Jesus Do?

Hey, where's that gravy?

Reba got the wrong potato salad.

We're gonna lose! We're gonna lose!

Apparently, Jesus would've ratted me out.

[B.J.] What are we gonna do?

What are we gonna do?

Oh, come on, y'all. Let's not blow this out of proportion.

It was perfectly good potato salad. You all ate it!

[groans]

Hey, Coach. If I barf up the potato salad, do we still have a chance of winnin'?

I don't think so, son.

- But I like your spirit. - [sighs]

I'm sorry, Bobby. I blame myself.

I never should've Reba do the dinner.

No, it's my fault!

I'm the one with no parents.

No. Actually, it wasn't Mom's fault at all--

I'm sorry. I made a mistake. [chuckles]

Let's focus on the big picture here.

What is potato salad, anyway, but a silly side dish?

Well, this might seem silly to you, but it's not to us.

Ninety percent of the game of football is mental.

And you just flushed that 90% right down the crapper.

Coach, you're not buying into this, are ya?

Hello? Coach?

Uh, no. No!

Because this is a team that always gives 150%.

And 150 minus that 90% that just went down the crapper

that leaves approximately 60%.

And that's almost half. We're still in this people!

Yes, we're still in it! Come on, y'all.

The reason you win games isn't because of the food you eat.

Although, you really shouldn't eat such a heavy meal before the game.

But that's beside the point.

The reason the Wildcats are so good is not because of what's in here.

It's because of what's in here!

Breasts!

No! Heart!

That's what wins football games!

All right! Now, you all heard the little lady.

Let's hit the road! We got a game to play!

- Go, Wildcats! Go! Go! Go, Wildcats! - Yeah! Come on now!

Yes! Yes!

Thanks, Coach. I appreciate it.

You killed us.

[gasp] "What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?"

Mom, who are you talking to?

Myself. Nobody else will listen to me.

Hey, why aren't you at the game?

I'm having trouble getting my uniform on.

- Can you zip me? - Oh, sure.

- Okay. - All right. Breathe in.

I tried that.

[grunts] Honey, I'm sorry. This train just ain't gonna make it up the track.

Who am I kidding?

It doesn't fit. Nothing fits anymore.

I'm trying so hard to be the old me, but let's face it, I'm not.

Oh, baby.

You know when you want something so badly,

and then once you get it, you wonder why you wanted it in the first place?

Yeah, that's pretty much how I'm feelin' about throwing the Wildcat dinner.

You know, I used to live for the drill team and kidnap breakfasts.

But I'm having a baby now. [chuckles]

I know this may sound weird,

but it makes all that other stuff seem so silly.

Yep, that's pretty weird.

But, you know, we all have to grow up sometime.

You're just having to grow up a little sooner.

The curse of the potato salad lives.

What?

I just heard the Wildcats are losing by 21 points,

and it's only the first quarter.

Wait, the team found out about the potato salad?

Everybody must hate me.

Actually, it wasn't your name they mentioned.

Better start thinking about moving, Mom.

Oh, for crying out loud. It's a side dish!

But it was my fault. Why didn't you tell them that I did it, Mom?

It doesn't matter who did it.

You can't lose a game because of the potato salad!

Not according to the radio announcer.

I cannot let you take the rap for this.

You wouldn't have had this stupid dinner if it hadn't been for Van and me.

I'm gonna go talk to the team.

Cheyenne, your bra is showing.

Yeah, well, I need something to get their attention.

[marching band tunes playing]

24-zip.

Coach, please don't make us go back out there.

Now, I'm not gonna put up with that kind of an attitude. I...

Oh, hell. Let's just try to keep 'em under 50 points.

Uh, Cheyenne, you're not supposed to be in here.

Well, I'm sorry. What I have to say cannot wait.

Look, everybody, listen up.

God, it stinks in here.

There's been a mistake. My mom did not buy the wrong potato salad.

I did.

So, you shouldn't be mad at her. You should be mad at me.

[crowd cheering in distance]

Okay, that's all I wanted to say.

Thanks for coming down, hon.

Wait a minute.

My wife may have made a horrible,

horrible mistake, but...

She came down here and took responsibility for it.

Now, that took guts! And she's been puking her guts out, so she knows guts.

Now, why are we losin'? Because of what we ate

or because we're lousy?

Or are we lousy because of what we ate?

I don't know.

Thank you.

Okay. Come on, boys. We got a ball game to lose.

All right! Did someone order Ed's Famous Potato Salad?

Come on. You eat this, you win the game.

The bible tells me so.

You heard the lady! Let's go!

[players whooping and cheering]

Nice play, Reba.

I came down here to rescue you, and you ended up rescuing me.

That's what moms do.

Hey, how'd you get Ed's Potato Salad so fast?

Shh.

- [chuckling] - [laughing] You're bad!

- [cheering] - [band playing drums]

- [all cheering] - Yahoo!

What a comeback, boys!

- Wildcat history was made tonight. - [whooping]

And I won 50 bucks.

Honey, you were amazing tonight.

Hey, guys! Great game! That was exciting!

[cackling]

[sighs]

[sucks teeth] Reba, I have done you a terrible, terrible wrong.

Could you possibly find it in your heart to forgive me?

Never.

Oh, you mean about the potato salad?

Oh, sure!

Now, who wants a kiss?

- [grunting] - [giggling]

[closing theme music playing]