Original subtitles

Van, Cheyenne, hurry up. Your eggs are gettin' cold.

I don't think Cheyenne's gonna want eggs.

She's been barfing for an hour.

Uh-oh. That sounds like morning sickness.

Actually, it sounds like this,

[retches] "Van, get me water."

[retches] "Van, hold my hair."

Van, stop breathing on me!

Mommy, I don't feel good.

Yep, you're pregnant.

Honey, morning sickness is just one of the perks.

It can't be morning sickness, Mrs. H.

It's been going on all night.

Morning sickness is what some liar called it.

When I was pregnant with Cheyenne, I was sick for months.

Months?

Oh, God! How am I supposed to get through this?

Why isn't there a cure?

Because men don't get pregnant.

- Here, eat this. - Okey-dokey.

Honey, I'll go make you some dry toast.

Mmm. I just love busting the yolk

and watching all the gooey, yellow stuff just run...

[gags]

Kyra, that was awful.

And so easy.

Van, your wife needs your help.

But she's mean.

I'm going.

Leave the food.

Mom, can I go to Robbie's after school?

Again?

Honey, you've been over there every day this month.

Are you sure you're not workin' late at the office?

Huh?

Sorry. That was the other guy.

Listen, I think it's time Robbie came over here.

His house is more fun.

More fun than this?

Duh.

Look, I know that things have been a little crazy lately,

what with the wedding and everything.

But the fun will come back. I promise.

She threw up on my shoe.

See? The fun's back already.

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

How am I supposed to do trig homework when I have morning sickness?

Well, the trick is you're supposed to finish trigonometry

before you get pregnant.

Here. I got you a little something.

"What To Expect When You're Expecting."

It helps you understand what your body's going through.

- [doorbell rings] - Excuse me.

But stay away from the pictures until you're sure you can keep down solids.

Hi, Caroline. Hey, boys.

Hey, Reba. Sorry we're late. The boys were doing crafts.

A pasta necktie!

Hey, Jake. This'll go great with your Italian suit.

Oh, Caroline, you're amazing. You put us mortal moms to shame.

Oh, Reba, you know me. It's either stay busy or get liquored up.

[both laughing]

You've been such a great help

through all this that's been going on around here lately.

Let me return the favor.

Hey, boys, how about you come over Friday night for a sleepover?

[both] Yay!

"Fatigue, heartburn, bloating,

engorged breasts"?

Cheyenne, honey, read to yourself.

Okay, come on, Robbie. Let's go.

So, the sleepover, you wanna bring Robbie by after school?

Well, Reba, I'm not so sure about the sleepover.

Robbie gets scared sleeping away from home.

No, I don't.

Ah, kids! [chuckles]

But I really would hate to put you out.

It's no trouble. Jake would love it.

- Besides, I want to. - But you don't have to.

- I want to. - But you don't have to.

I want to.

Then it's settled. See you Friday.

I am never having sex again.

[chuckles]

Kids.

Hey, Montgomery, think fast.

Are you feeling all right, son? You've been draggin' all week.

I know, I know. I'm tired. I've been taking care of Cheyenne.

- Why? What's wrong? - She caught mornin' sickness.

She's really sick.

Yeah, been there, cleaned up after that.

You must be going through the same thing with Barbra Jean.

No, no. That was Reba.

B.J.'s a rock.

She's not sick?

Well, she had one queasy day,

but a couple of saltines, a little ginger ale,

she was good to go.

You ask me, most of it is mind over matter.

- You really think so? - Oh, yeah.

B.J. doesn't wallow in it and she's fine.

You know what I think Cheyenne could use?

A change of scenery.

Well, she always wanted to see Arkansas.

I meant, why don't you guys come over to our place this weekend?

See, B.J. loves to entertain.

That's a great idea, Coach.

- That's exactly what Cheyenne needs. - You're damn skippy.

She's got to get up off the bench,

- get back in the game. - That's right!

This game ain't over. She needs to walk it off.

- That's the spirit. - Team Montgomery's gonna beat this thing.

Thanks, Coach. I'm gonna go tell Cheyenne right now.

All right. Go get her, son.

Whoa, Van. Van! Towel.

Oh, sorry, Coach.

No!

Hey, honey, how you doing?

I think I threw up my actual stomach.

Here you go.

I know how you're feeling.

When I was carrying Jake,

I could smell a chicken while it was still on the farm.

Oh!

Mom...

And Italian food, huh-ho!

Just the thought of garlic and tomato would clean me out.

Mom, stop helping, please.

Sorry. Just remember that morning sickness doesn't last forever.

Once you get through this part, it gets a lot easier.

Really?

No.

Good news, Cheyenne.

I have the cure for your morning sickness.

Step one, saltines and ginger ale.

Okay, step two.

It's time for you to stop wallowing in this pregnancy.

Wallowing?

Look, B.J.'s as pregnant as you, and she's not sick at all.

- She isn't? - No.

And why do you think that is?

I dunno. Something to do with Jesus?

No, it's attitude. Imagine it's the big game.

You're playin' your crosstown rival,

Morning Sickness.

It's the fourth quarter.

You got nothing left, but you dig down deep inside.

You get up and shake it off!

You can't be serious.

I've never been seriouser.

Cheyenne, I care about you.

And I hate to see you feeling bad.

What do you want me to do?

I want you to stop vomiting.

If I could control it, I'd do it on you right now.

Okay. All right, here's the game plan. Friday, we're going to your dad's.

Get you up and out of here with a new, winning attitude.

It's now or never, move it or lose it, take no prisoners,

- go Team Montgomery! - Stop that.

Okay.

[Reba] Drop it.

You're good.

Honey, that's for Jake's sleepover tonight.

See, I'm gonna fill the flower pot with cookies and chocolate ice cream,

and then I'm gonna use the gummy worms as garnish.

Isn't that cute?

Mom, they're seven-year-old boys. They play "pop my snot bubble."

Oh, gross! They do not.

Do they?

Mom, guess what Robbie and I are doing!

I don't wanna think about it. And go wash your hands.

We're having a campout at his house tonight.

Wait a minute.

I thought Robbie was coming over to our house for a sleepover tonight.

I want to go to Robbie's. They've got a tent and everything.

- Are you sure it's tonight? - Yeah. Can I go?

I have to talk to Robbie's mom first.

I'm just gonna run down the street.

Oh, don't let your sister eat any more of that candy.

[Jake] Gotcha.

[doorbell rings]

- Reba. - Hey.

Hi. Uh, come on in.

I was just, uh, baking some animal cookies for the boys' campout.

Oatmeal raisin rhino?

No, thanks. Rhinos go straight to the hips.

Hey, I... I thought the boys were supposed to come over to my house

for a sleepover tonight.

Oh, shoot. Was that tonight?

Yeah, that's what I meant when I said, "See ya Friday."

Is today Friday? Oh, I'm such a ditz.

But, you know, the tent's up, and the boys are so excited.

So why don't we just have your sleepover another night?

Okay. When?

When? Uh, let me check my calendar.

Caroline, I'm getting the feeling you don't want Robbie over at my house.

I can't believe this. I thought we were friends.

Maybe I'm being overprotective,

but there are... things going on at your house.

What... what kind of things do you think are goin' on?

I mean, I'm there. Nobody's running around naked.

There's no teenage orgy out in my front yard.

I do have a pair of frisky squirrels, but I told the boys they're just dancing.

What would you do in my position?

For starters, I would've talked to you

instead of planning a sneaky campout.

And I wouldn't have avoided you just because your daughter

and your husband's mistress were both pregnant.

Brock's mistress is pregnant?

Yeah, you think you were stunned.

Things change. Hourly.

I'm just learning to go with the flow.

Well, I'm sorry,

but I'm just not comfortable with Robbie being at your house.

But Jake is welcome here anytime.

I don't think so.

Suddenly I'm not comfortable with Jake being at your house.

[sighs]

I'm ready for my campout.

Do you know where my binoculars are?

Oh, Jake. Honey, you're not gonna need your binoculars.

Yes, I will.

We like to look at the bugs up close before we smash them.

Honey, there's not gonna be a campout at Robbie's house tonight.

Is Robbie coming over here?

- No. - Why?

You know what?

It doesn't matter

'cause you and I are gonna have our own bigger and better campout.

It's gonna be a blast.

Camping inside's dumb. There's no bugs.

Some people would see that as a plus.

Hey, come on.

Let's warm our hands by the old campfire.

That's a flashlight.

With a very hot bulb.

Wanna sing some campfire songs?

♪ Oh, give me a home Where the buffalo roam ♪

Join in anytime.

- ♪ Where the deer-- ♪ - Mom.

- What? - Singing is lame.

Sorry. Well, then, what do you and Robbie like to do?

We like to pee in the yard.

No wonder my begonias are wilting.

I think I know why Robbie didn't come over tonight.

You do?

We don't have a pool.

Oh. Yeah, pools are a big draw.

But we've got the marshmallows

and the smell of the great outdoors.

Mom, I know you're having fun, but can I watch TV instead?

I know this would be more fun for you if I were seven.

And not my mom.

Can I go to Robbie's tomorrow night?

- Is it too late to go pee out in the yard? - Mom.

- Doesn't Cheyenne look nice tonight? - Very nice.

Yes. I feel pretty.

You're gonna love these jalapeno poppers.

Oh, I'd eat a shoe if it was deep fried and stuffed with cheese.

Cheyenne, would you care for a popper from your papa?

[laughs]

No, thank you.

Cheyenne's saving room for my famous tuna casserole.

Three kinds of tuna and two brands of potato chips.

Can we talk about something other than food, please?

Oh, Cheyenne, come in the kitchen and let me show you my new Texas ice tray.

Come see. I'm thinking of getting one from every state

and making an ice sculpture of America.

[chuckling]

Honey, you've got to perk up.

You're bringing my party down.

Well, uh, I'm sorry. It's hard to be the life of the party

when all you feel like doing is vomiting.

Hey, I'm doin' it.

You're sick?

Sicker than a cat with a five-pound fur ball.

Wait. What do you mean you're sick?

I just saw you put away six jalapeno poppers.

"Put away" is the operative word.

[giggles]

Voila.

Oh, my God. You filthy liar.

I know. And it's so easy.

I get up an hour before Brock, so he doesn't see my tummy trouble.

And if I feel indisposed, I make some excuse to step away.

Last weekend, I threw up in your mother's begonias.

B.J., that's crazy. Why would you do all that?

To keep my man happy, of course.

Well, why should they be happy while we're miserable?

Because that's our job. Cheyenne, honey, come here.

Look at your man out there.

He's happy because he thinks you're happy.

Now, why do you wanna go and spoil that with the truth?

- Well, he does look happy. - You're darn right he does.

Now let's get out there and do what we women do best,

fake it.

[doorbell rings]

Reba, uh--

I take it back. Jake can come over here.

Wait a minute.

Please don't make me say all that again.

I've been standing on your porch for ten minutes

trying to get up the courage to say what I just said.

Well, I'm just happy that you understand my side.

I didn't say that.

But I'm willing to set my feelings aside

because I think our boys have a nice little friendship,

and I don't wanna see it ruined over something they had nothing to do with.

Reba, do you wanna come inside and we can talk?

Nope.

Had my fill of crow tonight,

and, frankly, don't like the taste of it.

I don't know what to say.

I wish you'd said you trusted me.

But since that's not gonna happen,

I gotta go home and get ready for my weekly orgy.

You oughta see the cookies I bake.

[B.J.] Ready for dessert?

Yeah, hold on. Let me get this tuna out of my pocket.

You did great out there. I'm very proud.

B.J., I can't do this anymore.

You don't have to.

A couple of cookies tossed over your shoulder, and it's small talk time.

Are we leaving?

Your dad's taking us out for dessert.

I know a place that serves the best coconut cream pie in town.

That sounds great.

Right, Cheyenne?

No.

- What's wrong, honey? - Nothing's wrong.

She's fine.

No, I'm not fine. I am sick.

Well, what happened? You were doing so good.

- So good. - No, I wasn't.

And I am sorry, B.J., but I cannot fake it as well as you can.

Okay, what are we talking about here?

Nothin', honey. Let's get that pie.

What happened to Team Montgomery, goin' strong?

Well, it's not. And I'm sorry if that makes you unhappy,

but I can't lie anymore.

- I never told you to lie. - You told me to shake it off.

- Because I wanted you to be happy. - Well, I'm not happy.

And the only reason I was trying to be happy was to make you happy.

But I was only happy because you were happy.

But if you were faking happy, then I... I was faking happy too.

I've been lyin' to myself.

Cheyenne,

I just hate seeing you this way when I can't do anything about it.

It's scary.

Well, I'm scared too.

So, you've been feeling sick too?

[mouths inaudibly]

You've been lying about it this whole time just to make me happy?

[mouthing]

That's my girl.

Kyra, let me ask you somethin'.

With everything that's been going on in our house,

do people treat you differently?

Definitely. At school the word's out

that you let teenagers sleep together in the house.

All of a sudden, I'm popular.

I was actually worried about your self-esteem.

But thank you very much for another sleepless night.

- Hey. - Hey.

How was the dinner?

Ooh, B.J. made her famous tuna casserole.

Oh, Barbra Jean's casserole. Good Lord!

Go upstairs and lie down. I'll go get some cold towels.

Not necessary. I'll do it.

Cheyenne and I are in this together.

Well, good for you.

Yeah, once we get over this morning sickness thing,

the worst is over.

It's time you showed him the pictures.

[doorbell rings]

Well, if you've got any of that crow left, I'll take a big helping.

Come on in.

Hey, Robbie, Jake's upstairs.

Maybe I did overreact.

Those squirrels do look like they're dancin'.

So, you wanna stay around and help me chaperone?

That's okay. I trust you.

Thanks.

[Van] I am never having sex again!

I'm on it.

[closing theme music playing]