Original subtitles

How does this look?

Like a truck on a wall.

Perfect!

Man, it feels good to have all my stuff back!

I can't believe your parents chucked it on the front lawn.

Yeah, but it was cool of the gardeners to help, though.

That guy with the leaf blower really rounded up my socks fast.

Where are you gonna put the rest of this crap?

Well, I'm gonna put my clothes in the--

Or maybe the--

Or right here on the floor.

I hope one of those trash bags has a maid in it.

Mrs. H, I'm giving the room a touch of Van.

It's not a gentle touch, is it?

You wanna give me a hand here?

- What's that? - My lucky comforter.

Wildcat colors. The orange and black attack.

More like Halloween vomit.

Obviously, Cheyenne hasn't seen this.

Isn't it great? She's gonna freak.

My girls.

You're gonna hang that in here?

Yeah, to help me get worked up.

Not like that. For the game.

But something's missin'.

Certainly not implants.

Oh, I know.

See, the head cheerleader's cheerin' me on.

"Go, Van!"

She really didn't say that, but it's sort of like she did.

You're gonna wish you had a bubble over your head

when your wife gets here.

It's all right, Mrs. H.

Cheyenne knew I was bringin' my gear. She wants me to feel at home.

Van, listen to me.

This isn't good. I know my daughter.

She was moody before she was pregnant.

Hey.

What do you think?

Oh, my God.

I... I...

I love it.

Liar.

No. No, I... I do.

What's your favorite part?

The headlights on the truck or the ones on the cheerleaders?

It's hard to say.

I guess it's the way it says...

"Mr. and Mrs. Van Montgomery..."

live and love here." [chuckles]

- Well, that sucked. - Big time.

[theme song playing]

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Hello. Hello?

Did it ever occur to you that I might need some help?

I'm not a mind reader.

Wait a minute. What are you doing here?

I don't know.

Your father was supposed to pick you up half an hour ago.

Why do I bother makin' a schedule if nobody's gonna stick to it?

I don't know.

Who put an empty carton of milk back in the refrigerator?

I don't know.

- [clanking] - What is that?

What is this contraption?

This is the Exer-cist.

This little puppy's great for your abs and butt.

Sorry. I didn't mean to talk about your butt.

Why is this in my living room?

There's no room in the garage,

and I figure this way, everybody can use it.

Plus, there's a good airflow, so the sweat smell won't knock you out.

And luckily, it's downwind from the fancy eatin' table.

Don't worry. It's totally portable. I can have it moved on a day's notice.

Pretend I told you yesterday.

- [Brock] Hey. - Well, it's about time.

Your son's been waiting.

It upsets him when you're late.

Yes! Level three!

- He's a man. He hides his emotions. - [chuckles]

Ooh! The Exer-cist!

Cool, huh?

Maybe I'll keep a pair of shorts here, and we can work out together sometimes.

It's not stayin', in spite of what it could do for my butt.

Let's go, buddy.

Okay. I've made a list for you two.

Oh, you made a list of things I should do with my son?

No, I would never do that.

I made a list of things not to do.

Like last week, you took him to the dog track.

He won 75 bucks.

You told me it was $50!

Hey, those nachos weren't free.

Come on. Let's go, Jake.

[scoffs] No golf?

Reba, this list is ridiculous. The kid loves to caddy.

Come on. Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

You sound just like Coach Harrell.

Now, tell me I'm worthless and I hit like a girl.

Ew!

Ew. Oh!

If only you'd read that a couple of months ago.

Shouldn't Van be here by now?

He'll be here.

He's a football player. He's very busy.

So how is the room you "live and love in"?

It's fine.

It's a little more crowded with the exercise machine, thanks to you.

You let him put that in your room?

My husband has a hot bod, and I fully support that. [chuckles]

Oh. So how's Van's cheerleader posters growin' on ya?

Not that those gals need to do any growin'.

Mom, come on.

No. I'm curious.

Which one's your favorite? Brandi with an "I" or Brandy with a "Y"?

All right. All right. Ugh. They're all stupid.

And two of them aren't even that cute.

Oh, thank the Lord. My little girl's back.

Mom, marriage is hard.

I actually have to think about his feelings.

It's so unfair.

Tell me about it.

You know, it's like...

It's scary when you're dating and it ends.

It's, like, who cares? You're going to college.

But when your marriage breaks up, you're just a loser.

No. I-- I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean you.

I meant for young people.

- Are you through? - Yeah, I think so.

Look, you're gonna have to tell Van how you're feelin'.

You're right. I'll tell him. As soon as he gets here.

Well, at least he's comin'.

When I was pregnant, your father wouldn't get

within 50 feet of a gynecologist's office.

Oh. Hey, Reba.

- Mom! - Brock.

Guess what I just saw.

I even got a picture of it.

Oh, the baby.

Yeah.

Why is he here? Why are you here?

Oh, Dr. Schmidt and I are doing this trade thing.

He's taking care of B.J., and I'm giving his wife a root canal.

I'm comin' out way ahead on the deal. [chuckles]

Hey, Reba.

Dr. Schmidt is T-rific.

[giggles]

[sighs]

What's wrong with you? This is supposed to be father-son time,

not father-son-mistress-gynecologist time.

Oh, come on. The kid had a blast.

And besides, you're always after me to do stuff with him that's educational.

Jake, Jake, put that down.

The uterus is not a toy.

This is why I give you lists.

Yeah, well, the gynecologist office wasn't on the "not to do" list.

You don't see "strip club" on the list,

but I can write it down if there's any question.

[Brock] Oh, boy, here we go again.

- You never change. - Mom!

Can you talk about this later?

Let's everybody take a deep breath...

[inhales deeply] ...and visualize the beach.

You wanna know what I'm visualizin'?

All right. We're leavin'.

- Let's go, Jake. - Where are we goin'?

Well, son, I don't know, but we certainly won't be

"getting our new shoes wet."

[mouthing]

- Hey, Coach. How's it goin'? - [scoffs]

Hey, babe. I'm sorry I'm late. I hope you're not mad.

Of course, I'm not mad.

You're my husband, and I love you.

I couldn't decide what to wear.

I've never been examined by a gynecologist before.

- Montgomery. - Wish me luck.

Hello, hello!

- Where's Brock? - He seemed a little tense,

so I dropped him off at the drivin' range after dinner.

Dinner?

I had a banana split, a Snickers and an iced mocha.

Can I stay up all night?

Just a doll.

Please thank Brock for bringing him home late

and all jacked up on sugar.

I know what's really bothering you, and I just want to assure you

that Jake was out of the room with Brock while I was being looked at by the...

[whispering] ..."down there" doctor.

I'll call later. Okay.

[clanking]

Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me.

[clanking continues]

Cheyenne.

I thought you were gonna tell him to get that machine out of your room.

I was, but then I realized it doesn't really bother me.

Van needs his space, and I didn't wanna make a big deal about it.

Well, I do.

Mom. Mom!

Mom, stop!

Go, Van. Come on.

[grunting] Yeah! Come on, come on.

Yeah!

[straining] Go, Van. Go!

Come on-- Hey, Mrs. H.

You can't keep this thing in here.

It's okay. Cheyenne said it was cool.

- Tell him. - Tell me what?

Tell him you don't want this thing in here.

- What? - Mom, not now.

He's been livin' out of trash bags for a week.

- I don't mind. - But she does.

What?

You don't like my trash bag system?

Well...

it's not really a... a system, Van. It...

It's more like a big, disgusting mess.

Big, disgusting mess?

Is that your fancy way of saying you don't like it?

- Yeah. - Oh, I can't believe this.

What's next? Are you gonna tell me you don't like the cheerleaders?

Oh, man! This is a nightmare!

It's like I don't even know you.

How could you possibly think

that I would wanna wake up every day and see that in my room?

- I'm sorry. I thought it was our room. - [sighs]

- Come on, girls. We're outta here. - No. Van.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

Now, Cheyenne.

It was gonna happen sooner or later.

You can't live like this.

Oh, and screaming at each other is so much better?

Just because you're married, you shouldn't be afraid

- to say what's on your mind. - [sighs]

I don't know why you weren't honest with him in the first place.

Maybe 'cause I didn't wanna drive him away like you drove away Dad.

Whoa, whoa! Get back here!

Look, Mom, I'm sorry, okay? Just forget about it.

No, I'm not gonna forget it.

Do you actually think I'm the reason your father left?

Well, isn't it obvious?

You pretty much control everything that happens around here.

I'd rather not take credit for this.

You know what? If something isn't exactly the way you think it should be,

you just have to say something.

Why can't you just leave things alone?

I mean, do you really think

dad would care what kind of comforter's on the bed?

No. It's obvious, your father's not picky about what's on his bed.

- Hello, Reba. - You're late.

I'm sorry.

I got here as soon as I could.

Is the rest of the family coming in for therapy?

No, I figured it's easier to fix 'em when they're not here gettin' in the way.

So... what's the big emergency?

Where do I start?

My seven-year-old son spent yesterday at the gynecologist.

My daughter blames me for everything wrong in her life.

And nobody bothers to put milk on the list.

Why don't we start with the thing that is bothering you the most?

The milk.

Uh-huh.

You know, Reba,

sometimes when life becomes chaotic,

we tend to focus on controlling the smaller issues

to avoid the bigger issues.

This isn't the first time I've been accused

of this controlling thing,

and frankly, I'd like to put a stop to it.

I see.

I mean, I was the one that stuck by her.

He wasn't even gonna come to her wedding, which I planned myself.

And don't get me started on that Exer-cist in her bedroom.

No matter what I do, I get the blame.

I should just let them fend for themselves for a change.

They'd fall flat on their face in five minutes.

Or they'd learn to take care of themselves.

[scoffs] Fat chance.

Well, you never know until you give it a shot.

So what do I do?

- Nothing. - Say again.

Look, I know it's a scary concept, but try it.

You're losing me.

Take some time for yourself.

Get a massage. Go to a movie.

Take up a hobby.

Couldn't you just write me a prescription instead?

So what did Mom say exactly?

She said, "Feed your brother and sister. I'm going to the movies."

She's lost it.

What are we going to eat?

I don't know.

There's, like, nothing in here.

What's goin' on?

So you're talking to me now?

Only because I'm hungry.

Well, we're in a crisis, so go away.

What's the crisis?

Mom bolted, so we have to make dinner for ourselves.

No way! What are we gonna eat?

You eat the most. Why don't you make something?

I can make chili.

You got a can of chili?

- We're all going to die. - [Cheyenne groans]

Do I have to do everything myself?

Daddy?

Pizza man.

Yay!

Thank you, Daddy.

I was this close to rolling Jake in a tortilla.

Thanks, Coach. Mmm, onions.

If you have any interest in kissing me tonight, you'll not eat those.

Mmm!

Onions.

So what's up with you two?

We're having our first married fight. It's awful.

Honey, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Yeah. That's what Mom said.

Well, she should know.

We had a thousand of those little fights,

and then, of course, the one big one.

Well, the whole thing's her fault anyway.

I mean, I do not know how you lived with her.

She is such a control freak.

Tell me about it. I got lists up the wazoo.

She's constantly interfering, telling people what to do.

Or what not to do.

It's no wonder she drove you away, Dad.

Say, listen... Could you guys take your pizza and eat it in the living room?

Mom doesn't let us eat in the living room.

- Well, she's not here. [chuckles] - Cool!

No, no, no. Wait a second.

If that's the rule, then... use napkins.

And give yourself a time-out after you've finished.

Cheyenne, honey, you got it all wrong.

Your mama didn't drive me away.

Dad, it's me. You don't have to defend her.

Sweetheart, I'm not the easiest guy to get along with.

You know, the fact that your mama stayed with me as long as she did

shows just how amazing she really is.

I can't believe you said that.

Look, I know she can be tough sometimes,

but I've always admired the way she speaks her mind.

[sighs] Then what happened with you guys?

Well, we had some little problems.

And little problems become big problems when you don't communicate, and...

that's not exactly my strong point.

Yeah. That's what Mom said.

Oh, yeah. Like she's perfect.

- Hey. - Hey.

So, when did you get home?

A little while ago.

It's nice out here.

So how was the movie?

Good.

Did you know the last time I went to see a movie was before Jake was born?

They're a lot louder now.

So how'd you guys make out tonight?

Okay.

Dad brought pizza.

We also talked.

That's nice.

Mom...

he made me realize that...

I was wrong about a lot of things.

I am so sorry

about the horrible thing that I said to you.

You have every right to kill me if you want to.

Wow. There really is something to this "doin' nothin'."

What does that mean?

Well, I had a little talk with someone today myself.

Course, my talk cost me 80 bucks.

What'd you learn?

That you and Van are married now,

and that I have to let you make your own mistakes.

That's how you're gonna learn.

So no more interferin'.

Sometimes, the best thing I can do for the two of you

is nothin' at all.

- I love you, Mom. - Oh.

But you're still gonna do laundry, right?

[scoffs]

No.

So when you wanna look at it, just open the door,

and the rest of the time, keep it shut.

That's gonna work great. We have an awesome marriage.

I know.

But remember, this honesty thing works both ways,

so if anything that I do bothers you, you can tell me, okay?

Okay.

Well, I kind of wasn't gonna say anything, but...

I kind of wish you wouldn't put that potpourri stuff in my underwear.

I went through a whole practice with an acorn in my jockstrap.

I didn't do that.

Well, then who did?

I've been under a lot of stress.

[closing theme music playing]