Original subtitles

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♪ Tell me why I love you like I do

♪ And tell me who can stop my heart

♪ As much as you

♪ Let's take each other's hand

♪ And jump into the final frontier ♪

Okay, Mabel, let me ask you.

She's your mother, so you know her.

Which do you think she would rather have for Mother's Day?

Choice A, a lovely scarf. See?

That she can wear about the neck,

and when she gets older, about the head.

All right, sure.

Or potential gift number two,

nut clusters.

Okay.

You know what?

You're really not helping much here.

And need I remind you

that both our names are gonna be on this gift,

so you might wanna shape up, my little honey.

Yeah.

Hey, Paulie, James home?

Uh... No. She and Fran went to Nike town.

Great. Marvin, bring it in.

Bring what in?

It's my Mother's Day gift for James.

I brought it today because I'm working on Sunday.

A rocking chair?

Yes.

That's a great present.

I know. She can sit, she can rock.

Oh, look at this.

She can hold Mabel,

she can rock her to sleep, and she can sing to her.

She could sing. Of course.

Old MacDonald, farmer in the dell,

do you know the muffin man?

I get it. All songs would work with the chair. This is...

This is a great present.

Well, thank you.

You know what this means, don't you? What?

My wife is getting a better Mother's Day present from you

than she is from me.

Why? What are you giving her?

Ah, nut clusters.

Nut clusters?

Or a scarf.

Anything else?

Maybe nut clusters and a scarf.

I know what you do.

You're keeping the standards low.

That way, next year, Mother's Day rolls around,

and you get her like a pizza or something,

you're a big star.

Okay, here's what's gonna happen.

I'm giving her the rocking chair.

What's the matter with you?

Please? Let me give her the rocking chair.

It's such a great present.

Paulie, come on. Please?

Listen, I'll give her the rocking chair,

you can give her the scarf,

and then you keep the nut clusters for yourself.

I know how much you like them,

and everybody walks away happy.

You would do that. You would steal my thunder like that.

Yeah.

That hurts, Paulie.

Oh, come on. She's my wife,

and I've been wracking my brains.

I'm totally out of ideas now.

Oh, Paul...

Ye of little imagination.

What's that?

Mother's Day offers the imaginative man

a wealth of possibilities.

Listen to him, Paulie.

When it comes to Mother's Day,

Marvin is the champ.

All right, champ.

I'm serious. Tell him what you're doing for your mom.

You know those giant video screens in Times Square,

about a block high?

It's amazing.

I'm having a Mother's Day message

displayed for her there.

It'll be dazzling and special,

and she'll love it.

Okay. I'm giving Jamie the video screen message.

No way! Yes, I am.

Come on, come on. I'll give you the rocking chair,

you can give it to your mother.

You give Jamie the scarf,

and then you guys split the nut clusters,

and everybody walks away happy.

Wait a minute. I don't even like nut clusters.

I'll eat the nut clusters, all right? I'll eat

the nut clusters and I'll return the scarf.

We'll both have a little message up on the Times Square board.

You can give Jamie the rocking chair, like you wanted.

Everybody walks away happy.

Not everybody. Yeah, but I do.

All right, what do you think of this?

"To Jamie, you're some kind of mom."

Will she like that?

Or you think, like, maybe she'll be wondering,

you know? "Okay, I'm some kind of mom,

but maybe he doesn't know what kind."

I can't imagine anybody taking it that way.

What do you think, Marvin?

You stole my idea.

Don't be like that, Marvin.

Why don't you have some joy in your heart

that you reached out, and you helped your brother?

Drop dead. If you can.

"You're some kind of mom"?

Did a light bulb appear above your head

before you thought of that one?

What are you putting up there, big shot?

Oh, wouldn't you like to know?

Well, if you're gonna mock me, I'd like to see.

Okay.

Just so you know what true artistry is.

Look at this.

Next, please.

"Is there anything purer than your sweet love

in Earth beneath or sky above?"

What? No, nothing.

It's a little schmaltzy, you know?

No.

Hey, hey, hey, easy, easy.

Okay. That's all I need is this criticism

from the author of "you're some kind of mom."

All right, Marvin.

What else have you written, Paul?

"Get well soon"?

Just keep reading. Now, what you got?

"No sunset has your warmth.

No ocean has your depth.

You hold me when I ache.

You stroke me when I wepth."

What?

"Wepth"?

What about it?

Nothing.

"Always thinking of your milky skin."

Hmm.

"Your raspy little laugh,

the time we talked till dawn."

This is your actual biological mother?

Read the ending.

Oh. "Oh, so sweet, so coy, so sassy.

I'll always love you, my beautiful Cassie."

Cassie's... My mother.

Of course she is. Okay. All right, all right.

And then after they show the message,

I'm gonna have them scan in a picture of her.

I'm gonna do that. That's a great idea, Marvin.

Thank you for that idea.

Next, please.

Hi. How are you?

Here's what I've come up with so far.

Is to my wife. "To Jamie, you're some kind of mom."

What do you think of that?

"You're some kind of mom." Is that good? You like that?

It's the best one we've ever had.

Wow. Isn't this lovely?

Wait till you hear what I'm doing for Jamie. What?

At exactly 7:37, I'm gonna take her up to the Marriot Marquis,

and we're gonna look out the window,

and she's gonna see this huge and gigantic Mother's Day greeting

That I wrote up on the Times Square screen.

Wow. You are really pulling out all the stops.

And I should know because I'm still using

The bath powder you gave me last year.

Ma, you know, don't you?

There's a big surprise for you, too.

Me? I don't need a fuss. I've had 'em.

I'm ashamed to tell you how many Mother's Days.

What kind of surprise?

What's that?

What kind of surprise?

A present.

Big, very thoughtful present.

And a card. A card and present together with the card. One second.

Okay, I got a big problem.

I forgot to get mom a present.

Oh, Paul.

I was so busy with the Jamie stuff, I totally slipped my mind.

Did you get her anything?

Yeah. Make it from both of us.

No. Oh, come on. Why not?

Because it's not the kind of thing...

Oh, Debbie, please, please?

Debbie please what?

Okay. Uh, Ma, you remember last week

when I took you to see The Scarlet Pimpernel?

Yeah. Yeah, well, that was from Paul, too.

Told ya.

I'm sorry, Ma. It's just...

In my myopia, I forgot.

Fine.

In my myopia, I'm saying.

Paul, please, it's nothing.

Really? Nothing.

She says it's nothing, but in fact...

Yeah. It's something.

Now, hold the calendar a little higher.

Point to the date.

What's the matter with this damn thing?

Oh, Burt, are you okay?

Hey, how are you? Jamie Buchman?

Uh, no, but...

I don't care who you are.

Just sign here.

Okay. Here you go.

"Klondike Pete"?

Yeah, well, you don't care who I am. There you go.

More flowers for you. Oh! From Mark and Fran.

Oh, how sweet.

Isn't that nice? I'll put this

with the other 743,000 flowers.

Oh, how nice. Ma...

I'm saying, "how nice."

Okay, I think we should open some presents.

There's a good idea, opening gifts.

Oh, what a lovely looking rocking chair.

Good idea. We'll start with something big.

No. I think there may be something here for you, Deb.

Oh, from Ira. "With love to my favorite mother Jamie."

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Cake? Yeah, cake.

Cake! That's a good idea.

Come on in and have some of Jamie's cake.

Cake for all the mothers.

Later for me.

Help me!

Ma? Oh, my God!

Sylvia! Are you okay?

I've broken a leg.

Are you sure?

Oh, it's definitely broken.

All right, Sylvia. Don't move. I'm gonna call an ambulance.

Oh, no, no, please, dear.

Finish your cake,

then we'll worry about me.

How do you feel, Ma?

I'm fine, thank you.

Don't be so concerned.

It's only a limb.

Oh, Ma.

You know what's really killing me?

The cling.

The what?

The static cling.

My pants are clinging to the sheets,

it's driving me crazy.

God bless you, Sylvia,

worrying about static cling at a time like this.

Do me a favor. Get me the static guard.

It's in my purse. Thank you.

Sure, Ma.

You poor thing.

I feel so terrible that this happened.

All I can say is better me than you.

Found the doctor.

Mrs. Buchman, hi, I'm Dr. Hill.

Doctor, thank goodness.

Let's take a look, shall we?

Yes.

Mrs. Buchman...

You do what you have to do.

Okay.

Ow.

Oh, boy, Mom's got some grip, huh?

How would you describe the pain?

Like a squeezing sensation.

I can't even feel the pinky. It's so.

Your mom's pain.

Of course, of course.

It's unrelenting and severe.

Oh, my little fragile dove.

Ah! Ohh!

Bad there?

Oh, my God.

You go ahead. Do what you have to do.

You're a very brave woman, Mrs. Buchman.

I know.

All right. I wanna send you over for a couple of X-rays,

just in case.

Oh, my God.

Why don't you all meet her back here

in about 25 minutes?

Okay, okay.

Bye, Ma. We love you.

We'll see you shortly, sweetheart.

Courage, Sylvia.

Best mom in the world, that's what you are.

I'd wave, except for the pain.

Those darn Amish.

Amish?

Well, they invented the rocking chair, didn't they?

I don't think it was them.

I forgot my coat. I'll meet you down there.

They invented the shoehorn years ago.

Hi, Sylvia.

I was, uh... You know...

I was just testing it out.

How'd that go for you?

Oh, fine. It's fine.

Responded well, the leg?

Surprisingly well, yes.

Sylvia, you didn't actually hurt your leg, did you?

Sure, I did. Sylvia.

Well, for your information, even as we speak,

I'm in the midst of wave upon wave of searing pain.

Sylvia.

I mean, walk a mile in my shoes before you judge.

Not that you could, in my condition.

Sylvia.

All right. I didn't hurt my leg.

I mean, you have one baby, and suddenly I'm nothing.

What?

I mean, it's not that I begrudge you

the outpouring of love from your family.

No, of course not.

Except when it comes at my expense.

I understand.

I'm so ashamed.

Oh, no. Sylvia, don't be.

No, I'm ashamed. No, don't be.

I'm telling you I'm ashamed!

Then be ashamed, be ashamed.

For God's sakes, someone says they're ashamed,

let them be ashamed.

I shudder to think of the weakness of character that I have shown.

Sylvia.

You won't tell anyone, will you?

No. Of course not.

Because I would die of the humiliation.

I won't tell them.

They'll take the x-rays, they'll be negative,

I'll limp around a little, I'll get a little better,

and then it'll be like our little secret.

I promise.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You're a good girl.

Thank you.

Maybe I should've given you...

A fairer shake all these years.

Why, Sylvia...

Yeah, yeah, right. What's done is done.

Boss.

Marvin, what are you doing here?

It's only half an hour until your Times Square message.

Cassie and I just had a fight.

Cassie? My mother.

Oh, yeah.

A fight? About what?

She got real flirty with the taxi driver.

I hate when she does that.

Oh. And I told her so.

I said, "how do you think that makes me feel?"

One thing led to another.

She said she didn't need this crap.

She got out of the cab and rushed home.

Wow.

Women.

Yeah, yeah.

They just don't get it.

No. You know what? They really don't.

But it hurts so much.

Hey, Marvin, we've all been there, you know?

Well, sort of.

Hey, boss, will you do me a favor?

Will you talk to her?

What, me?

Yeah. Just tell her how bad I feel,

and how much I love her.

Ask her if she'll ever see me again.

Marvin, I don't wanna meddle in family business.

But I feel so empty without her.

The air's a dusty gray,

food has no taste,

and sleep is just a shallow, sarcastic illusion.

You haven't even been to sleep yet.

I'm predicting.

Marvin, I will go, I will talk to her.

You take care of this, okay?

I will. Okay.

Thank you.

And tell Cassie that I love her.

Cassie?

My mother.

Mom?

Hi. Oh...

All you people, you walk so quietly.

Wow. Somebody seems to be feeling a little better.

Ohh... I only wish.

The X-ray girl noticed that my polish was chipping,

so I fought through the pain.

Oh.

You fought through the pain to polish your toenails?

What? When a woman's in pain,

she needs to feel pretty.

Yes.

Sylvia, doesn't it hurt your leg to bend it like that?

Well, I'm obviously in shock.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, Ma.

Wasn't it the other leg that you hurt?

Deb, I'm sure Sylvia knows which leg she hurt.

No, she's right because when we found you,

you were on your right side.

Remember, you fell on your right side,

which means you would've broken the right leg.

You don't know that.

How else would that have happened?

Maybe she bounced.

She bounced from the left side over to her right side.

Maybe.

You know, when you come to think of it,

how did you catapult out of that chair anyway, mom?

Well, I... Debbie...

Clearly she lost control of the chair.

Lost control?

What is it, a Lamborghini now?

She lost control of the chair.

She was rocking excitedly, and she lost control.

She catapulted herself out of the chair,

and onto the floor,

landing on and severely injuring her left leg,

whereupon she apparently bounced,

coming to land on her right side.

Is that right, Sylvia?

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

See? Yeah.

What?

Nothing. I just find it hard to believe

that my mother would just bounce over like that.

My God, my God, my God. What are you saying?

Are you saying that she faked an injury?

And why? Just to get attention?

Is that what you're saying?

No, of course not.

Then come on, apologize to your mother.

No. We weren't saying anything. Jamie, I...

You both apologize to your mother.

I'm sorry. Sorry, Mom.

No, really, we were very thoughtless.

Thoughtless, thoughtless, thoughtless.

Thank you. Jeez.

I can only hope that my children have more respect

if I ever injured myself on Mother's Day...

Jamie... Yeah?

I think I made my point.

Well, Mrs. Buchman, your fibula and tibia are integrated,

longitudinally aligned,

and still articulating in concert with your femur.

What?

You're fine.

Isn't that nice?

But considering the pain that you are clearly in,

something is probably amiss,

and we really should immobilize the leg.

Immobilize?

The cast should stay on for six to eight weeks,

and then we'll take it from there, all right?

Good.

A cast? Really?

This is the price you pay

when you take a horrible spill.

Okay.

In a moment, someone will be in

to wheel you up to orthopedics.

Why don't you guys meet her up there?

Okay.

Great, fine. Okay, good.

Hold tight, buttercup.

See ya.

What a good Ma.

All right.

I can't believe that I accused my own mother of faking an injury.

I know, sweetie. We've all had a tough day.

And on Mother's Day, I... Ohh!!

What?

Now we're gonna miss your Mother's Day surprise.

Why?

Because it's across town,

and we gotta be there in just a minute.

Can't we make it if we hurry?

Maybe, but don't you think we should be here for mom?

I think we can go.

Did you talk to her?

Yes, Marvin, I did.

And?

And she is a very lovely lady.

And? Really lovely.

And I must say, attractive and youthful.

And?

And I told her what you said.

And?

And she forgives you.

Really? Yes.

Wow.

Thank you, boss, thank you.

No problem. Thank you so much.

Listen, do me a favor, will you, if you don't mind?

Stick around till closing and lock up for me.

Why?

Nothing. I got a little date.

With who, Cheryl?

Uh... No.

Molly.

Uh, no.

Rebecca?

No.

Sarah?

No.

Oh, God. Marvin.

You're going on a date with my mother.

It is not a date.

Where you taking her?

Actually, we were thinking of staying in.

Baaaa!

What it is, it's just the tallest,

most elaborate Mother's Day card ever.

Oops. Sorry.

Just hope we didn't miss it.

Oh...

Maybe it's after this lame one.

"You're some kind of mom."

Bet a light bulb really went off

over that guy's head.

Yeah.

That is lame, huh?

It's not even clear. What is that?

"Some kind of mom"?

What kind of mom is she, guy?

I don't know if anybody would be thinking that.

Well... Whatever.

So I guess we missed it.

Oh, honey! What?

"Is there anything purer than your sweet love

in Earth beneath or sky above?

No sunset has your warmth.

No ocean has your depth.

You hold me when I ache.

You stroke me when I wepth."

Honey, is that your message to me?

Yes, it is.

You really know me.

If not me, then who?

And then she told me that she never really loved me.

And then she held me one more time,

and then she opened the door, and she just left.

She just walked right out of my life,

and she's never coming back again.

And I'm never ever gonna see your mother ever again.

I-I'm sorry, boss.

I really am.

So...

She's available.

And then she told me that she never really loved me.

And then she held me one more time,

and then she opened the door, and she just left.

She just walked right out of my life,

and she's never coming back again.

And I'm never ever gonna see your mother ever again.

I-I'm sorry, boss.

I really am.

So...

She's available.