Original subtitles

And then we'll baby proof the rest of the apartment.

We'll shorten all the telephone cords,

because, of course, the child could accidentally

pull the phone down onto herself.

God, I never thought of that.

I've seen it happen.

Oy.

Then we'll putty down all your pictures

and your bric-a-brac.

The bric-a-brac?

Bric-a-brac could hurt a person?

I've seen it happen.

All right. Listen, we have a guest coming shortly

then we'll magnet-lock all your wall unit doors,

just like we did to the kitchen cabinets and drawers.

There's nothing in there but videotape.

My friend, she could yank one out,

Unravel it, twirl it.

Oh, I don't think she...

I've seen it happen.

We'll need to do something with this wine rack here.

We should just get rid of that,

'cause we never drink anymore.

That's true, I'm still breastfeeding,

he's got this tannin allergy.

Yeah, so you can imagine

imagine the wild Saturday nights around here.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna go downstairs

and get the rest of my stuff,

and then we'll get started.

Thank you so much. Thanks.

I'll take a wild guess,

This guy's bathtub

covered with those rubber daisies.

You think?

Honey, he's your baby proofer.

You want him to be a paranoid freak.

I guess. I suppose so. Hey, hey.

Professor Twilley is gonna be here, like, any minute.

Twilley?

Yeah. Professor Twilley.

Isn't that funny... Nathan Twilley.

That's the guy whose class I'm speaking at.

By the way,

I invited him back here after class for lunch,

'cause he knows a lot of critics.

And I just think the more I suck up, the better.

Yeah, perfect.

Did I tell you the subject? Violence in film.

So I'm gonna talk about Pulp Fiction.

I figured it was a great idea.

I'll talk about the character Marsellus

And the foot rub and how... what?

Wow. Nathan Twilley.

Nathan Twilley. Why, you know him?

Um, I know who he is.

He taught at Yale when I was there.

Of course. So you know him.

Yeah, uh, took his class, actually.

Oh, so you know him.

Yeah, I sort of know him a little bit...

Socially.

Good. Then you know him.

Yeah. We were pretty darn social, actually.

I understand. So you know him.

Yeah...

Honey?

Oh.

Oh, so you... You know him.

I know him, yes, I do.

Wow. Yes.

Well, that's something.

Yeah.

That's interesting.

Boy, that just doesn't seem right.

I mean, that's an Ivy League school.

Honey, once the lights go out,

nobody cares what you got on your SATs

That's such a cliche, you know,

a college professor taking advantage of his position

and swooping down on an innocent young...

No, no, no. He did not swoop.

There was no swooping.

No, he swooped.

No. I pursued him.

He was so sexy and brilliant.

He had this, like, electric mind.

And he was kind and sensitive.

You know what, honey, big swooper.

No. Yes.

I would sit there every Wednesday in the same place,

second row on the end

and I would flirt with him,

The whole class long.

I would smile. I'd do this sensual thing,

This little hand thing. It was me.

What do you mean? What did you do with your hands?

Whatever. This little... it was a hand thing.

Whatever. Nothing.

Now you've gotta tell me what the hand thing is.

I would go...

Here is the church...

Here is the steeple,

open the door and see all the people.

I have got to have you right now. All right, you know what?

It was very, very sexy at the time.

Sweetie, can I tell you something?

He swooped down, and you was swooped upon.

No.

Hey, there. Hi, Nat.

I was the one who was hungering

for my first sexual experience.

Ho, ho, there.

What? What?

I didn't want to waste myself

on some frat boy who'd never...

Have I come at a bad time?

'Cause I could just...

No, no, no, no.

So this is the guy who took your virginity?

I could just face west.

Honey, is this upsetting you?

No. It's just, you know,

It's just news. That's...

No, it's not upsetting me, 'cause it's a long time ago.

And listen, you graduated, so...

With, I'm gonna guess, an "A" in film.

Am I right?

Hey, listen, onward we move.

All right. Don't worry about it.

Is it gonna be awkward for you, though?

I mean, that's... Being around a guy who

opened the door and saw all those people?

No. No, it'll be fine.

You sure? 'Cause no kidding, that's a very odd thing

to be around an old sexual partner.

♪ Alouette

♪ Gentille alouette ♪

Honey, it was one night.

Oh.

One solitary

incredible night.

He was a phenomenal lover.

All right, all right. I'll bite.

What?

Why? Why phenomenal?

He had a gift.

Okay, okay.

What do you mean? What kind of gift?

It was a gift, whatever it was. It was a gift.

Not "whatever it was." Now, come on,

Now you have to tell me what the gift was.

He,

without touching you,

with, with everybody fully clothed,

He could stare at you,

This long, focused stare

and he could bring a woman to orgasm.

Well, Merry Christmas. That's a gift. Yeah.

No, no, no. Nat, no.

No need for that.

Nat.

Yeah, if I might,

because then you can just finish your fight.

Come on, uh...

Come on, Murray.

Come on, Murray, the, um, dog.

Honey, promise me this isn't upsetting you.

I'm really not upset.

Because, A, it was way before my time,

and, two, you know, listen,

although I use my eyes for more conventional purposes,

like, for example, seeing,

I happen to be totally secure in my sexual prowess.

And well you should be.

And by the way,

You know, I had wonderful teachers in college, too.

I'm sure you did. Didn't sleep with them.

I didn't sleep with them. I would just ask them things,

Like, hey, when is the final?

But, you know, that's me.

Where you going?

Run a comb through my hair.

Okay, you fix yourself up nice,

and I'll welcome into our home

the first man with whom you ever slept.

Hello, Paul.

Professor Twilley.

I have just heard so much about you.

Really?

Yeah. Please. Please, come on in.

Please. You know my wife, I believe.

Jamie Buchman.

Nee Stemple.

Hello.

Actually, no.

I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

Nathan Twilley.

Nathan.

Think back.

Okay.

Yale.

Nineteen eighty-four.

Postmodern cinema.

Second row on the end.

Uh...

I'm terribly sorry.

I just don't recall.

Hey, no staring.

Hello. Can I help you?

Hi. Um, I'm looking for a Mr. Ira Buchman.

Hey, you got him.

Oh, hi.

I'm Cheryl Gendelman.

Gendelman. Gendelman.

How do I know that name?

I'll give you a hint.

"Max Gendelman,

"Loving husband to Minnie.

"Devoted father of Toots and Leon Gendelman.

1909-1988."

Wait a minute. I know that epitaph.

Yes, of course you do.

The Buchmans and the Gendelmans

have adjoining burial plots

at the gates of Damascus cemetery.

Ah. Nice to meet you. Yeah.

Nice to put the face together with the stone.

Um, here's the thing.

My cousin, Leon, passed away suddenly over the weekend,

And, um, his last words were,

"Bury me sideways."

So we promised that, that we would.

Well, it's, uh, a little out of the ordinary.

Well, in order to bury him sideways,

we need another plot.

Um, specifically that of a mister

"Paul, Paul Buchman."

Paulie?

Yeah.

No. I don't think Paulie's gonna go for that.

But I tell you what, why don't you do this?

Why don't you take your cousin Leon,

you bury him regular,

but you tell him that you're gonna bury him sideways.

Oh.

I didn't mean to...

All right. Hey, hey, hey. How about this?

Sideways, but folded nicely.

Okay. Bad idea.

I've just had a really difficult couple of days,

and I just need a little compassion, okay?

Okay, okay.

Do you think it would be...

What? What?

Would it be okay

if we just went for a cup of coffee or something?

Sure, yeah. Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Did I miss it? I hope I didn't miss it.

No, it didn't even start yet.

Oh, good.

So, what do you think?

This looks like a crowd that would like to hear

a talk about Pulp Fiction, huh?

How could he not remember me?

'Cause you were easy?

Seven Beauties to me was the film

that, although flawed in some respects,

put Lina Wertmuller on the map because it...

Because it...

Because it...

Because it unified comedy and political philosophy

in a manner in which could reach the masses?

Uh, yeah.

Would you all excuse me just one moment?

Jamie.

Yes.

I am so sorry.

Of course I remember you.

Well, thank God.

That was quite a night.

It was, wasn't it?

I'll say.

I'm sorry, it's entirely inappropriate

for me to talk about it now.

You're married, you have a child.

I'm very happy for you.

Thank you.

Wait a minute. Does Paul know about...

Uh-huh.

Does he know that it was your

world premiere?

Yeah, uh-huh.

Good Lord.

Jamie, don't you have a diary or a clergyman

you could talk to about this kind of thing?

I don't think he believed me about the stare.

Oh, my God. You told him about the stare?

Are you crazy?

He's fine about it, Nathan, really.

Jamie, Jamie, a man may tell you

that he's untroubled by being in the company

of the man who first made love to his wife,

who first took her to places

both physically and emotionally

that she had never been before,

in ways that she had never got there before

or, I'm going to go out on a limb and say, since.

Yeah.

But believe me,

such a man is just putting up an antic disposition.

In his heart, he's filled with rage.

Nah.

Oh, you had to do the stare, didn't you?

Couldn't help yourself, could you, stud?

No. Idiot!

Ladies and gentlemen,

would you please help me welcome

the director of a wonderful new film, Buchman,

Mr. Paul Buchman.

Thank you, thank you, professor,

for those kind words.

You know, today's subject being violence in film,

I thought we could discuss one of the more jolting films

in recent memory, Pulp Fiction.

Now, if you recall, in the beginning of the film,

we hear of a man named Marsellus,

who has thrown a guy through a window

simply because the guy massaged the foot

of Marsellus' wife.

So, think about that.

Think about that.

Marsellus was willing to take a man's life

and violently,

violently,

just because the guy rubbed his wife's toes.

Now, that gets your attention, doesn't it?

Doesn't it?

Mmm mmm mmm.

So, Cheryl, tell me something.

What is it with you Gendelmans and sideways?

So, you don't think you're going to have any trouble

getting Paul to sign over his burial plot?

Oh, no problem.

He'll understand.

You're a good soul.

Mmm-mmm.

Oh, I'm glad I already have a burial plot,

'cause you're killing me.

"Die!

"Die, pig!

"That'll teach you to massage the foot

Of the wife of another man."

"Revenge is mine."

Um, yeah, thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you, Mr. Buchman.

Wasn't that wonderful?

Just could make your hair stand on end.

Well, thank you.

Well, I guess that's it. Class dismissed.

Sweetie, that was great.

I gave it a shot.

So, what do you say?

Ready for lunch? Oh, you know what?

I don't think that I can.

Of course you can. We're going to pick stuff up on the way home.

I...

Come on, a little socializing wouldn't kill you.

No, no, really.

You know what it is?

I forgot I have student conferences.

What students here would like to have a conference?

Student conferences being held right now.

Extra credit for any student who would like to confer.

I urge you to do it right now

for both our sakes, please.

Now. Help me

help you.

So, lunch?

Uh-huh.

After you.

Great.

Been looking forward to this a long time.

I can't believe the elevator's still out.

Set it down anywhere.

I am so hungry,

I could eat, like, a fried human being.

Me, too. Very hungry. Yeah.

Let me take your coat, professor.

I'll just hang it up.

Oh, this is going to be irritating, honey.

Any thoughts?

Boy, I just don't know.

Just had the place baby proofed.

Oh.

I'm not even sure what we were supposed...

Oh!

Oh, professor, I'm so sorry.

Ah, I'm fine.

Let's put some ice on that. That would be nice.

This baby proofing just gets,

look at this. Proofs everything,

then he leaves a nail gun out. How careless is that?

Oh! Oh, honey!

Oh, my God!

Oh, let me apologize.

I am so sorry.

It's okay. Are you sure?

Oh, yes. Let's get you some ice.

That would be good.

I'll put some ice on that, fix you right up.

I loved that vase.

Hey. Hey, splink.

Your elevator is out.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Paulie, listen, if I asked you to sign something

without telling you what it was, would you do it?

What? Of course, yeah.

If I told you it was really important to me

and just to trust me and sign it without asking any questions,

Would you do it?

Of course.

Okay, good. Sign this, would you?

What is it?

I'm so sorry that happened.

Ah, what are you going to do?

What, are you crazy? - What?

Are you out of your mind?

Listen to me,

I want that burial plot.

I need that burial plot.

I plan to make very good use of that burial plot.

I don't care if this guy is cut up and buried in sections, all right?

All right, boss, I got it.

I wish I could remember what I did with those ice packs.

How about I go buy one?

No, no, no, I'll find it.

He's so...

Ow! Oh, did I hurt you again?

It's okay. No problem.

It's off. It's off.

Not hot. Not hot. See?

Honey, what did we do with those ice packs?

The ice packs?

They're under the sink. I'll get it.

No, no, I'll get it.

No, there's no reason you should do that.

Please, I will get it. I will do the getting.

The getting will be done by me.

Sure.

Boy, this is tricky.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

This guy puts these magnets on every door.

The trick is you got to swivel the magnet

just till you get it to the exact right spot.

Ow! Oh!

What a day you're having, huh?

Don't touch me, please. I'm fine.

I'm sorry.

It's perfectly all right. But I really should be going

Because I'm... Cold!

Ow! Cold!

Oh, you poor thing.

Ooh.

Okay, it's okay. I'm so terribly sorry.

We've got to get you something to eat.

What I need is liquor and a lot of it.

So, what did Paul say?

He said, "No."

I got to go.

What?

I have to go find a member

of the, uh, Cowchuck family.

Cowchuck?

The burial plot on the other side.

All right, some lovely beverages.

Jamie?

No, no, that's the professor's.

Oh.

That's yours. That's mine. That's yours.

Thank you.

You know, that class was such an honor for me today,

It's such a thrill.

Because when I saw those kids,

they seemed like they were captivated. They were really...

Oh, no, no, you don't want mine.

That's just grape juice in there.

Oh?

Yeah, I have an allergy to tannin.

So, I couldn't, uh... What, are you trying to kill me?

But I really felt they were hanging on my every word.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Still breast-feeding.

Ah. Oh. You know what?

I'd like to make a toast if I might,

to, uh,

to violence in film.

Come on, drink up, drink up.

Ah-choo!

Oh, golly, I'm so sorry.

Let me get something...

Oh, no, no, no, I'll get some...

Ah...

For God sake, buy a bigger cord!

Got to get to the gym.

Got to get out. Got to get free!

Professor, what was...

Back off!

I'm busting out of here!

Not safe!

Not safe!

Not safe here at all!

Who are you?

I work for the Buchmans.

I clean up the messes.

Aah!

What kind of coat is that?

What is it, some sort of gang uniform?

This is goose down.

Sorry, I forgot the gun.

Ah!

It's a chamber of horrors!

Run fast!

It's all a terrible mistake!

I don't know what's it with this place.

Nathan, please!

I'm warning you, people will come looking for me!

Just leave me alone!

Nathan! NATHAN: Stand back!

He's on the roof of the elevator car there.

That I've never seen happen.

Well, give me your hand.

Not on your life. Get away from me.

Thank you for a lovely lunch.

So, he was your first. Uh-huh.

Anything at all?

Give it up, will you? I know.

Anything at all?

Give it up, will you? I know.