Original subtitles

Trick or treat.

How old are you?

Seven.

What are you supposed to be dressed up as?

An adult.

It's... Good costume.

♪ Go to sleep, go to sleep

♪ Go to sleep, little baby

♪ Go to sleep, go to sleep

♪ Go to sleep, for cryin' out loud ♪

Can't remember a time we weren't putting this baby to bed.

Okay, okay...

Come on, Mable, sweety.

Okay, come on, honey.

Thousand o'clock. Come on.

You know, I got that big meeting in the morning.

Uh-huh. I told you about that meeting with Ira.

We're meeting the Belgians. Yeah.

Yeah, they might distribute our film.

Mm-hmm.

Big meeting, you know.

Big meeting.

I have to be fresh and rested f...

All right, what are you saying?

I'm saying would it be completely wrong if I asked briefly,

can I possibly sleep for a little while,

while maybe, for a little while,

you took the baby in the other room, the two of you?

Wrong. Probably wrong.

Yeah. Okay.

Forget I asked. Ohh...

In the meantime, can I just say one thing?

We're not getting a nanny.

Okay, A, how do you know that's what I was gonna say?

And... And Two, why? Why?

Because I don't want my child being raised by an intermediary.

I'm not talking about raising, just holding...

In the other room for a little while.

Give me another song.

What? Another song.

I want you to sing her another song.

I don't have any more songs. I'm totally out of songs.

I got Louie, Louie

and The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

Good. The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

Seriously? Sing to your daughter!

♪ Ah wimoweh, ah wimoweh

♪ Ah wimoweh, ah wimoweh

♪ Ah wimoweh, ah wimoweh

♪ Ah wimoweh, ah wimoweh

♪ In the jungle

♪ The mighty jungle

♪ The lion sleeps tonight

♪ Ooh-wheee... ♪

See what happens?

Here. Get over here. Take her. Take her. Okay.

I'm calling the doctor.

Oh, he's such a great singer?

I'm worried. She's never done this before.

Sweetie, granted I'm just a layman here,

but my understanding is that babies often cry quite a lot.

Not like this. She's not hungry, she's not gassy,

she doesn't have a rash. I'm calling the doctor.

She's got the appointment tomorrow anyway.

Good. We'll be early.

Okay.

What? What is your problem with calling the doctor?

Honey, listen, if that's the first impression you want to make...

What?

It's just...

You know, here we are,

this is the first time we're calling him, in the middle of the night

for basically a marginal...

First of all, it's not marg...

Bounce her, bounce her, bounce her.

Second of all, I don't care

what kind of impression we make.

We were very lucky to get this guy.

He's only seeing us as a favor to Joan.

Most of his patients are big, fancy, famous people.

I don't care how big and fancy he is. All right.

I don't care who his famous patients are. Fair enough.

Who are they? What?

His famous patients.

All right. Rosie O'Donnell,

Donald Trump,

Sinead O'Connor.

Wow. Exactly.

Well, who are we to call this guy?

All right, that's it. I'm calling the doctor.

Honey, hon... He's our doctor.

It's his job.

Betcha Sinead O'Connor was no treat.

Hello. Don Kekitch. Dr. Kekitch,

this is Jamie Buchman calling.

I'm one of your new patients.

We're actually seeing you tomorrow for the first time.

Our daughter Mabel woke up about two hours ago,

and she's crying, and she hasn't stopped.

She's not warm, she's not listless, her color is good.

Sort of a very light aubergine.

Hello?

So we're just gonna bring her over now if that's okay?

Mrs. Buchman, it seems like you've covered all the bases.

So, why don't you just bring her into the office tomorrow,

and we'll have a look.

So we're gonna bring her over now if that's okay?

I understand your concern, Mrs. Buchman,

but I think it'll be just fine

if you bring her in tomorrow and we check her out.

Okay, so we're gonna bring her over now if that's okay?

You know what? Why don't you bring her over right now?

Okay. If that's what you think.

Hello?

Joan? Don kekitch.

Oh, hi, Don, everything okay?

Paul and Jamie Buchman are bringing their baby in.

Why? No reason. The baby's fine.

She's just crying, and they're wildly overreacting is all.

Oh...

I just wanted to thank you so very much for the referral.

I'm sorry. Night now.

Good night.

What's up? Oh, it's nothing.

Paul and Jamie are just taking the baby to the doctor.

What? Why? What's happened? Oh, it's nothing.

Nothing. No, no, she's crying,

and they're just flipping out a little.

Well, is she okay? How do you know she's okay?

Deb, believe me... I'm calling them.

What's the difference? They're up.

What's wrong?

What's wrong with the baby?

Ma? Debbie?

Oh, my God, I must've pushed the wrong speed-dial button.

What's wrong with the baby?

Nothing. Why would you think something's wrong with the baby?

I never got good news after 9:30 at night.

What's wrong with the baby?

Nothing. She's, she's crying a little.

Oh, my God. Ma...

Oh, my God. Ma!

You know what this means? What?

I can only imagine.

Ma? Ohh!

All right, how do I look?

You look fine. Why?

Ah, I don't want to look too fine.

You know, you wake up a doctor in the middle of the night,

you want to look a little bedraggled and disheveled.

You look bedraggled and disheveled.

Aah, you're just saying that.

Burt, get up.

Why? We're going to the kids'.

Why? Because we have to.

Okay.

Ma, get off the phone.

What are you doing?

I got mom all upset.

What now? I'm going to my parents'.

One baby cries, and the whole world gets woken up?

My mother will die of worry.

She will go back to sleep.

Not after hearing news like this.

News like what? She can only imagine.

Okay, oh, okay.

61 east 67th street, please.

Remember all the other times in my life I said I was tired?

Yeah. I was a big sissy.

You know, some nannies will actually go with you

in the middle of the night to the doctor,

so one of the parents could get some sleep.

Would you really rather be sleeping?

Yes.

Really? Yes.

Really?

No.

Hey, look at that.

Hey! She stopped crying!

Good, sweet girl.

Good, sweet girl.

Sweet girl.

Paul? Jamie?

Are you here?

It's us!

Your parents!

Burt and Sylvia Buchman.

Oh, my God.

Is anybody here?

Oh, Murray.

Murray!

Where did they go?

Tell us, boy.

Tell us where they went.

Thank you very much.

What are you doing?

Gonna find out where they went.

Deb? Who?

Hello? Joan.

Mom? I'm not ready for you to call me that.

Okay.

Where are they? Who?

Paul and Jamie.

They went to the doctor's.

Oh! I knew it. But it's nothing.

Oh, my God.

The baby was crying a little, and they're just overreacting.

In this family, we do not overreact!

Okay.

Where's the doctor?

Sylvia, I really don't...

Where's their doctor?

All right... Okay.

Mom? Dad?

It's Deb! Hello.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

We...

Are going...

To the doctor.

The Doctor!

Why don't you tell him one more time?

The doctor!

Oh, boy.

Okay.

Hello. They're not here.

Mom?

It's Deb. Oh.

I'm not ready for you to call her that.

Okay.

They're not here. I know. She called.

They went to the doctor's.

Where's their doctor? Oh, Deb, I really don't...

Where is their doctor? All right.

Look at that. She stopped crying.

It's movement.

It's movement. When the cab was moving, she slept.

When it stopped, she started crying.

Now in the elevator it's the same thing.

So she just needs movement.

Actually, I've read about this. This is very common.

We've just got to keep her moving.

Yeah. For the rest of our lives.

No, no. Just for ten minutes or so. That's all it takes.

We're at the doctor's office now.

We don't need him anymore.

I know.

If we see him now, we'll make a horrible first impression.

Yes, I know. He's a big famous guy.

That's right. What are we gonna do?

Are you the Buchmans?

No. No.

Oh, okay.

See, now that, to me,

was not a good first impression.

He'll never remember us.

Especially if you send the nanny tomorrow.

What nanny? Aha.

Hey. Hey, look at that.

It's just a miracle.

It really is.

All right, so you know what, ten minutes here, quick cab home,

I still get three hours before the Belgians.

Oh, my God, someone just pushed 12.

Oh, honey, if this thing stops...

I know. She's gonna cry.

All right, all right. Stand back.

Hello?

Hi. When your parents lived on Columbus Avenue,

what did we used to do to make the elevator skip floors?

Pauly, what?

It's for the baby.

Okay, okay, open the panel.

Okay, I got it. Got it.

You should see two buttons,

a red express button and a blue local button. Got 'em.

Push the red button.

Got it. Not the blue button.

I didn't push the blue button.

Pauly, whatever you do, do not push that blue button.

I'm not pushing the blue button. You were very clear.

Stop telling me not to push the blue button.

All right. That should do it.

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Yes! Yes!

Congratulations.

You're on the express

from the roof to the lobby.

You are a genius. Go back to sleep.

Yeah, right.

Okay, how cool am I?

You are very cool.

How long have we been in the elevator?

We have been here exactly a minute and 15 seconds.

Oh, that's too bad. Why?

Because we've reached the lobby.

Oh, okay. Oh, no.

There's gotta be a sure-fire way of keeping her moving.

Like what?

Is she sleeping? She sure is.

All right, how smart am I? Pretty smart.

See? Little jaunt, go home 2 and a half hours before the Belgians.

That's right. Okay, one problem.

What's the matter? I'm gonna pass out.

Oh, honey...

Are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay.

I'm all right.

How much did we miss it by?

Nine minutes and 40 seconds.

Okay. All right, okay. Aww.

Hey. Huh?

A health club.

I understand. I will work out, I swear.

No, no, no. I got an idea.

You are a genius.

Honey... Believe me, I never would've thought of this.

This is so smart of you.

Sweetie, when I said... Although you know what? I gotta say,

in the final analysis, it's kind of funny 'cause,

this is not all so different than the street.

Oh, man.

I got the lungs of sir Walter Raleigh.

Honey. What?

That would work.

Look at all the doctors.

It's a medical building.

But still.

Push 42.

Ma, wait! Debbie?

What are you doing? Are you coming?

Ma, you don't have to make yourself crazy...

Okay, up we go.

What do you think is wrong with the baby?

Ma, there is no right answer to that question.

So I won't honor it with some speculation

that will only torment everyone.

Could be a fever.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What are we doing on the roof?

What kind of wacky doctor is this?

How much time left?

Uh, four minutes.

We're gonna make it, we are gonna make it.

Excuse me. I need the treadmill, if you don't mind.

Oh, oh, you know, uh,

if you could just wait like four minutes, we'd really appreciate it.

Sorry. No can do.

You can't wait four minutes?

Nope. Gotta go.

Gotta keep this heart rate up.

Very important, heart rate.

Uh... Yeah, we've got a little baby,

also important.

Heart rate.

Baby. Heart rate.

Little baby.

Are you members?

Are you?

Um, we're, like, um, trial members.

You know, we're trying it out.

Like "first month free" kind of...

We're inspect... inspect...

You know, just looking it over.

Repeat after me, "Yes, we're members.

"Wanna make something of it?"

Okay.

Now what are we gonna do?

All right, stand back.

Taxi!

What do you suppose happened to Al Losalvo?

What?

Well, look, year after year,

Al Losalvo signed the inspection certificate.

Then suddenly, boom,

Lloyd Cunningham.

How did we get in the lobby?

I don't like this building.

Ooh, are you Dr. Kekitch?

Yes. We're the Buchmans.

You are?

Uh-huh. I'm their daughter.

I see your crying has stopped.

Excuse me, could your kid cry louder

and, like, even closer to my head?

Okay, sir...

We... I know, I know.

Baby on board, drive carefully.

Go really slow,

avoid sharp turns,

don't hit any potholes,

and there's a couple of bucks in it for me.

Blah, blah, blah.

Actually, uh, no.

What we need is for you to just drive

for ten minutes without stopping.

Really? That's the only way she'll stay asleep.

Huh?

Can you do this?

Can you keep this baby rolling

for 10 minutes without stopping?

Are you our man?

Welcome to cab number KB 1847.

Looks like we've got our answer.

Oh, yeah.

Great.

What's your name?

Keanu.

Pleased to meet you.

Hey... ♪ It's working

It sure is.

All right. So...

Nine more minutes in here,

home, and I still get a hearty little catnap before the Belgians.

Oh, man. What's the matter?

Fire truck, dude. I gotta pull to the side.

Ohh...

Do you, really?

It's just a fire.

Well, actually, there is one other thing I could do.

What's that?

That was very nicely done, Keanu.

I'm gonna go back later and pick up my liver.

Thanks, Keanu.

No problem.

All right, okay, here we go.

All right, eight minutes to go.

Clear sailing. Good, good.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I'm runnin' the dude.

You're gonna what? What?

I'm running him. I'm not stopping.

Oh, Keanu, really? Many thanks.

I think that's above and beyond the call of duty.

Hey, you got a little munchkin back there that needs to get some sleep.

Boy, do I. I have this meeting tomorrow.

The baby, dude!

Yes, of course. Yes.

All right, how much time?

Uh, seven Minutes.

♪ Stay asleep

♪ Stay asleep

♪ Stay asleep, little baby ♪

Hi, room 511, please.

'Allo. Hey,

Bruno, how ya doin'?

This is Ira buchman. Listen,

my partner's kid is having a really bad night, see?

And because of that, like, half the universe is awake, right, so...

I didn't know whether to call you now

and cancel the meeting or wait till you woke up and cancel the meeting,

'Cause, you know, I know how you Belgians are about your sleep...

So, you know, I thought I'd call now.

I hope that's okay.

But of course.

All right. Good.

You go back to sleep.

Sure. No problem.

Oh, he doesn't look very happy.

No, what's the matter, officer dude?

Amazed that, like, the world didn't end

'cause you turned on your big ol' roof lights?

You know, Keanu, in my own life, personally,

I've had very few brushes with the law.

How much time left?

Two Minutes.

'Allo.

How much time? 30 seconds.

We may make it.

I just wanna say right now, okay,

like, no matter how many millions of points this is on my license...

I really love you guys.

Oh, well, we feel very close to you, too, you know. We've been...

And time!

Okay, Keanu, you can pull over, Dude.

Success.

Great. Cool.

Can I see your license and registration...

Shh!

Boy, that was a very understanding cop.

Hey, he has kids.

I'm not brushing my teeth again.

Good night. That is correct.

Hello? Paul!

Hello? Jamie!

Hello, Saturn. What's wrong with the baby?

In Front.

Hello, Saturn. What's wrong with the baby?