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1
00:00:06,644 --> 00:00:08,611
[WHISTLING]
2
00:00:13,236 --> 00:00:15,998
Sweetie, could you
please get that
away from me?
3
00:00:16,136 --> 00:00:19,933
'Cause of the nausea?
I'm sorry. Okay...
4
00:00:20,071 --> 00:00:21,555
How's it over here?
All right?
5
00:00:22,591 --> 00:00:24,765
No.
Okay.
6
00:00:26,146 --> 00:00:27,216
Good right here?
7
00:00:27,354 --> 00:00:28,355
No good.
8
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,600
Standing here?
9
00:00:31,738 --> 00:00:33,947
I just...
I really can't.
Okay.
10
00:00:34,085 --> 00:00:35,673
Over here?
11
00:00:35,811 --> 00:00:36,881
No.
12
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,056
I'll see you later.
13
00:00:54,519 --> 00:00:58,316
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
14
00:00:58,454 --> 00:01:02,838
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you
15
00:01:02,976 --> 00:01:06,807
♪ Tell me all your secrets
and I'll tell you most of mine
16
00:01:06,945 --> 00:01:10,915
♪ They say nobody's perfect
Well, that's really true
this time
17
00:01:11,053 --> 00:01:14,850
♪ I don't have the answers,
I don't have a plan
18
00:01:14,988 --> 00:01:16,265
♪ All I have is you
19
00:01:16,403 --> 00:01:18,336
♪ So, darling,
help me understand
20
00:01:18,474 --> 00:01:20,165
♪ What we do
21
00:01:20,303 --> 00:01:22,064
♪ You can whisper in my ear
22
00:01:22,202 --> 00:01:24,135
♪ Where we go
23
00:01:24,273 --> 00:01:26,482
♪ Who knows
what happens after here
24
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,622
♪ Let's take
each other's hand
25
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:32,695
♪ As we jump into
the final frontier
26
00:01:32,833 --> 00:01:35,215
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
27
00:01:35,353 --> 00:01:37,079
♪ Yeah!
28
00:01:37,217 --> 00:01:39,771
♪ I'm mad about you ♪
29
00:01:48,573 --> 00:01:50,299
Please don't do that.
Oh, relax.
30
00:01:50,437 --> 00:01:52,577
You're stealing.
That is stealing.
31
00:01:52,715 --> 00:01:54,579
You have to taste this.
Ah, look at this.
32
00:01:54,717 --> 00:01:56,477
It's like
shopping with Thelma
and Louise now.
33
00:01:57,789 --> 00:01:59,308
Oh! I got the Tang.
34
00:01:59,446 --> 00:02:02,656
Just please tell me,
how do your parents
subsist on this stuff?
35
00:02:02,794 --> 00:02:05,728
Instant coffee,
instant soup...
[GASPS] Swiss Miss!
36
00:02:05,866 --> 00:02:08,317
Remember when mom
used to make this for us?
37
00:02:08,455 --> 00:02:10,837
So the words
"just add water" they find
very appealing?
38
00:02:12,528 --> 00:02:13,633
They're gonna be
here for two days.
39
00:02:13,771 --> 00:02:14,841
Let's feed them
what they like.
40
00:02:14,979 --> 00:02:16,118
Whatever
they don't eat
41
00:02:16,256 --> 00:02:18,051
we can put
in the bomb shelter.
42
00:02:18,189 --> 00:02:19,639
[EXCLAIMING] Oh, oh, oh...
43
00:02:19,777 --> 00:02:21,261
Fat free.
44
00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:24,644
This is how we
ate it when Mom
wasn't around.
45
00:02:24,782 --> 00:02:27,094
Ugh.
Oh, don't be
a food snob.
46
00:02:27,232 --> 00:02:28,371
Ugh. I'm not a snob.
47
00:02:28,509 --> 00:02:30,891
I just don't like to eat
like an astronaut.
48
00:02:31,029 --> 00:02:34,999
If you need me, I'll be
by the bottled water.
49
00:02:35,137 --> 00:02:36,586
We could get
something for
you and poppy
50
00:02:36,725 --> 00:02:37,898
to take
to the Jet game.
51
00:02:38,036 --> 00:02:40,521
Well, do they make
a powdered beer?
52
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:41,971
Candy corn.
He likes candy corn.
53
00:02:42,109 --> 00:02:43,559
Grown man,
he likes candy corn.
54
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,526
What tickets did
you end up getting
for your mom?
55
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:48,357
Bring in Da Noise,
Bring in Da Funk.
56
00:02:48,495 --> 00:02:51,532
I'm sorry.
"Da noise? Da funk?"
57
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,258
That's right.
"Da noise, da funk."
58
00:02:53,396 --> 00:02:55,744
Yeah, right. I think
maybe in your case
it might be,
59
00:02:55,882 --> 00:02:57,918
"The noise, the funk."
60
00:02:58,056 --> 00:03:00,231
Title of the show is
Da Noise, Da Funk.
61
00:03:00,369 --> 00:03:01,819
Yeah, well,
you know what?
62
00:03:01,957 --> 00:03:04,373
Let's just agree
there's noise and
there's funk,
63
00:03:04,511 --> 00:03:07,997
and at some point
during the evening
it's brought in.
64
00:03:08,135 --> 00:03:10,172
I don't know if
it's just late, or
I'm getting older,
65
00:03:10,310 --> 00:03:11,898
but I'm actually
looking forward to
seeing my parents.
66
00:03:12,036 --> 00:03:13,106
I am, too.
67
00:03:13,244 --> 00:03:14,486
Not that late.
68
00:03:14,624 --> 00:03:16,316
What, I can't
enjoy your parents?
69
00:03:16,454 --> 00:03:19,112
You know, your father and I
are up to three things
we can talk about.
70
00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:22,771
We got sports, politics,
and recently we added
the stock market.
71
00:03:22,909 --> 00:03:24,289
'Course, after that
there's a lull
72
00:03:24,427 --> 00:03:27,292
that makes you wanna put
your head through a wall.
73
00:03:27,430 --> 00:03:29,536
They are so excited
about their trip.
74
00:03:29,674 --> 00:03:31,503
Why will
they not tell us
where they're going?
75
00:03:31,641 --> 00:03:33,747
I don't know. They want
to keep it a surprise
for some reason.
76
00:03:33,885 --> 00:03:36,232
Huh. You know what'd
be a real surprise?
77
00:03:36,370 --> 00:03:38,338
Like, Yemen.
78
00:03:38,476 --> 00:03:39,857
I bet they're gonna go
to the South of France.
79
00:03:39,995 --> 00:03:41,375
My mother's always
wanted to go.
80
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,412
France is good.
81
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:45,897
I hope we get to take
a big, romantic trip
like that.
82
00:03:46,035 --> 00:03:47,761
So where would we go?
Where would you wanna go?
83
00:03:47,899 --> 00:03:49,625
I don't know.
Kentucky?
84
00:03:50,868 --> 00:03:52,904
Kentucky? That to you
is the payoff of life?
85
00:03:53,042 --> 00:03:54,872
Maybe. Puerto Rico?
86
00:03:55,010 --> 00:03:56,874
Oh, man, how do
you get out of bed
in the morning?
87
00:03:58,116 --> 00:03:59,255
I didn't do anything.
88
00:03:59,393 --> 00:04:00,532
This was partially
open already.
89
00:04:00,670 --> 00:04:02,086
I thought it was
a sample.
90
00:04:08,851 --> 00:04:10,163
They're gonna be here
any minute.
91
00:04:10,301 --> 00:04:11,405
I know, I know.
I'm almost done.
92
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:14,546
Okay, here's my father,
Lake George, 1953.
93
00:04:14,684 --> 00:04:17,342
A perfect reason
why you don't wear
sandals with socks.
94
00:04:20,035 --> 00:04:21,312
Ow.
Ow?
95
00:04:21,450 --> 00:04:23,935
Mother jumper.
96
00:04:24,073 --> 00:04:26,282
Mother jumper?
I'm trying
to give up swearing.
97
00:04:26,420 --> 00:04:28,181
For the baby?
Yes, for the baby.
98
00:04:28,319 --> 00:04:29,423
You think the baby
doesn't know
what you mean
99
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,047
when you say
"mother jumper"?
100
00:04:32,185 --> 00:04:33,738
I thought all this
was gonna be out
of here by today.
101
00:04:33,876 --> 00:04:36,016
It is. I just need
a little more time.
102
00:04:36,154 --> 00:04:39,226
How much?
Just a couple of,
like, six months.
103
00:04:39,364 --> 00:04:41,332
I was hoping this could
be the baby's space.
104
00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:43,990
Here? No. No.
This is perfect
for all my storage.
105
00:04:44,128 --> 00:04:45,785
Can't we put the
baby somewhere else?
106
00:04:45,923 --> 00:04:47,925
Where were you thinking?
Under the sink?
107
00:04:48,063 --> 00:04:50,134
Yeah. You know,
just till it's three.
108
00:04:51,894 --> 00:04:53,378
Can you at least
put it into piles?
109
00:04:53,516 --> 00:04:55,380
Yeah, look,
perfect. Nice piles.
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
110
00:04:55,518 --> 00:04:57,003
Ow! Fu...
111
00:04:57,141 --> 00:04:58,694
For crying out loud!
112
00:05:00,869 --> 00:05:03,009
For the baby.
Yes, for the baby.
Coming!
113
00:05:03,147 --> 00:05:04,700
All right,
tell me again
with your mother,
114
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,219
because I blew it
last time.
115
00:05:06,357 --> 00:05:08,048
When she says
something is bad,
that means it's good.
116
00:05:08,186 --> 00:05:10,361
No, no, no.
Good is bad.
Good is bad.
117
00:05:10,499 --> 00:05:12,881
Good is bad,
like is loathe,
love is hate.
118
00:05:13,019 --> 00:05:13,985
When are you
gonna get this?
119
00:05:14,123 --> 00:05:16,194
I got it. So what
is actually good?
120
00:05:16,332 --> 00:05:17,230
Nobody knows.
121
00:05:17,368 --> 00:05:19,163
Hi.
122
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,068
You made it.
You made it.
123
00:05:28,206 --> 00:05:30,139
We made it.
We made it.
124
00:05:30,277 --> 00:05:31,934
Hi.
How was
your drive in?
125
00:05:32,072 --> 00:05:34,730
Oh, good.
Good.
126
00:05:35,973 --> 00:05:37,181
Oh.
127
00:05:37,319 --> 00:05:38,458
Can I get you
anything?
128
00:05:38,596 --> 00:05:39,700
Are you
thirsty at all?
129
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:40,874
Oh, am I.
130
00:05:41,012 --> 00:05:42,876
"Am I."
Yeah?
So you are?
131
00:05:45,016 --> 00:05:46,017
Yeah...
132
00:05:46,155 --> 00:05:47,605
What'd she just say?
No. Okay, all right,
133
00:05:47,743 --> 00:05:48,848
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
134
00:05:48,986 --> 00:05:50,159
Oh, hold it.
135
00:05:50,297 --> 00:05:52,161
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
That's poppy.
136
00:05:53,059 --> 00:05:55,337
Hi.
How's my girl?
137
00:05:57,339 --> 00:05:59,168
Ah, my little girl.
138
00:06:04,173 --> 00:06:07,314
Look at that
beautiful little face.
[GIGGLING]
139
00:06:07,452 --> 00:06:10,145
Same little face
as when she was
11 years old.
140
00:06:10,283 --> 00:06:13,734
Am I right, Theresa?
Same little face.
141
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,323
How you doing, Gus?
Ah, yeah.
Fine, fine, Paul.
142
00:06:16,461 --> 00:06:18,429
Nice to see you.
Take your coat?
Yeah, who needs it?
143
00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:21,570
You didn't by any chance, uh,
buy some instant coffee?
144
00:06:21,708 --> 00:06:23,158
Yes, I did!
[THERESA GIGGLING]
145
00:06:23,296 --> 00:06:24,366
We'll be right back.
146
00:06:26,816 --> 00:06:27,921
So, Gus,
how you doing?
147
00:06:28,059 --> 00:06:29,785
Can't complain.
Can't complain. You?
148
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,476
Good. Good.
Work going well?
149
00:06:31,614 --> 00:06:34,203
Work very well.
Uh-huh.
150
00:06:34,341 --> 00:06:36,481
Who do you like
in the Super Bowl?
Super Bowl, uh,
151
00:06:36,619 --> 00:06:38,449
either Pittsburgh,
or, uh...
152
00:06:38,587 --> 00:06:39,622
Who's the ones
with the big, uh...
153
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,659
Green Bay.
Green Bay, yeah.
154
00:06:43,454 --> 00:06:44,627
Stock market's
doing well.
155
00:06:44,765 --> 00:06:46,077
Stock market, hey,
god bless.
156
00:06:46,215 --> 00:06:47,665
Who'd you vote for?
I don't wanna
tell you.
157
00:06:47,803 --> 00:06:49,391
All right.
There it is.
158
00:06:56,605 --> 00:06:59,435
So, uh...
159
00:06:59,573 --> 00:07:02,093
So, uh, so, uh, so
tell us about this big trip
you're taking.
160
00:07:02,231 --> 00:07:04,578
Where you going?
I guessed the
South of France.
161
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:05,717
Uh, guess again.
162
00:07:05,855 --> 00:07:07,029
Huh, I got it.
Greek Isles.
163
00:07:07,685 --> 00:07:08,686
Guess again.
164
00:07:08,824 --> 00:07:10,101
Uh...
165
00:07:10,239 --> 00:07:11,861
I don't know,
African safari?
166
00:07:12,483 --> 00:07:13,518
Guess again.
167
00:07:16,038 --> 00:07:18,040
PAUL: Wow.
An RV?
168
00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:22,527
Come on in
and tell me
how you like it.
169
00:07:22,665 --> 00:07:23,908
Ah, it's really nice.
170
00:07:24,046 --> 00:07:26,324
Yeah, it's
really, really nice.
171
00:07:26,462 --> 00:07:27,912
This little puppy
is gonna take us
172
00:07:28,050 --> 00:07:29,776
all over
the United States.
173
00:07:29,914 --> 00:07:31,502
We're gonna stop
at every campsite
174
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,469
between here
and Saskatchewan.
175
00:07:33,607 --> 00:07:35,437
Saskatchewan.
Really?
176
00:07:35,575 --> 00:07:37,818
It gets dark at 11:00
in the morning.
177
00:07:39,613 --> 00:07:41,443
Now, how long is
that gonna take you?
178
00:07:41,581 --> 00:07:43,376
Oh, two glorious months.
179
00:07:43,514 --> 00:07:44,998
We're very
excited.
180
00:07:46,586 --> 00:07:48,553
Well, would you
like a tour?
181
00:07:48,691 --> 00:07:50,521
Sure.
Yeah.
182
00:07:50,659 --> 00:07:51,763
This is the kitchen.
183
00:07:51,901 --> 00:07:53,041
This is the
living room,
184
00:07:53,179 --> 00:07:54,801
the bedroom,
the dining room,
and the den.
185
00:07:57,252 --> 00:08:00,462
Well, should we all adjourn
to the dining room?
Yes.
186
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:01,808
Sure.
Let's do that.
187
00:08:01,946 --> 00:08:03,534
There's
the table there
behind you.
188
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:05,639
Take it easy
with the table.
189
00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,401
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
190
00:08:08,539 --> 00:08:09,989
The table
goes in here.
191
00:08:12,060 --> 00:08:14,476
The pole,
put the pole
in the hole in the floor.
192
00:08:16,409 --> 00:08:17,548
Pole's in.
193
00:08:17,686 --> 00:08:19,343
Don't strip
the threads,
now.
194
00:08:21,276 --> 00:08:22,794
Don't break it, Theresa.
195
00:08:24,279 --> 00:08:25,763
I'm only trying
to help here.
196
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,835
Turn it.
That's it.
197
00:08:28,973 --> 00:08:30,871
You did it.
All right, sit.
I'm sitting.
198
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,287
All right,
I'm sitting, too.
199
00:08:34,461 --> 00:08:35,945
No, no, no.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
200
00:08:37,326 --> 00:08:39,052
Don't worry about that.
That's the way to do it.
201
00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:40,605
I'll get that
with the sponge later.
202
00:08:43,194 --> 00:08:44,885
[GUS LAUGHING]
203
00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:55,517
[TIMER DINGING]
Dinner!
204
00:09:06,474 --> 00:09:09,029
THERESA: I'm sorry
it's such a tight
little squeeze.
205
00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:10,927
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
[TIMER DINGING]
206
00:09:11,065 --> 00:09:12,032
Oh!
207
00:09:12,170 --> 00:09:13,585
Dinging, dinging.
It's dinging.
208
00:09:13,723 --> 00:09:15,380
Yes. You know,
209
00:09:15,518 --> 00:09:18,901
it's just a
blessing about
this broiler.
210
00:09:19,039 --> 00:09:21,904
Fact that it
only fits one
steak at a time.
211
00:09:22,042 --> 00:09:25,424
That way, the meal
stays hot from
beginning to end.
212
00:09:27,737 --> 00:09:29,981
The mashed potatoes?
Oh, they're
under the table.
213
00:09:30,119 --> 00:09:32,535
Oh, and...
I got them.
214
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,088
If anybody wants
some rolls,
215
00:09:34,226 --> 00:09:38,265
I have them
warming here under
the map light.
216
00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:41,199
Theresa, darling,
sit down and
enjoy your meal.
217
00:09:41,337 --> 00:09:42,303
Mom, sit down.
218
00:09:42,441 --> 00:09:43,615
All right,
all right.
219
00:09:44,789 --> 00:09:46,480
Everybody's happy now.
220
00:09:47,895 --> 00:09:49,690
[TIMER DINGING]
The carrots.
221
00:09:49,828 --> 00:09:52,590
Mom, I don't think
there's gonna be room.
That's what you think.
222
00:09:52,728 --> 00:09:54,868
Now watch this.
Show them, Theresa.
223
00:09:55,006 --> 00:09:56,214
Oh. All right.
224
00:09:56,352 --> 00:09:59,217
Paul, you take
the butter and
the sour cream,
225
00:09:59,355 --> 00:10:01,978
and you put it up
there on the shelf
above your head.
226
00:10:02,116 --> 00:10:04,740
Darling, you take
the wine bottle
227
00:10:04,878 --> 00:10:07,674
and squeeze it
down there by the
fire extinguisher.
228
00:10:07,812 --> 00:10:11,056
All right, now
everybody put their
coleslaw bowls
229
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:12,540
in their laps...
230
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,233
And if
anybody wants the
salt and pepper,
231
00:10:15,371 --> 00:10:16,475
they're in the sink.
232
00:10:22,412 --> 00:10:23,828
Ta-da.
233
00:10:26,278 --> 00:10:27,694
Ooh, I hate
to do this to you.
234
00:10:27,832 --> 00:10:29,419
Oh, what, darling?
Want some ketchup?
235
00:10:29,557 --> 00:10:31,870
No. I,
believe it or not,
236
00:10:32,008 --> 00:10:34,424
I actually have
to get up and
use the, uh...
237
00:10:34,562 --> 00:10:35,702
Are you kidding me?
Sorry.
238
00:10:37,876 --> 00:10:40,499
Um, all right,
I'm sure I can
climb out.
239
00:10:40,638 --> 00:10:42,363
I did it last time.
Wait, wait,
darling,
240
00:10:42,501 --> 00:10:45,401
I think I might have
a better idea. Um...
241
00:10:47,921 --> 00:10:50,717
All right,
everybody slide
your mashed potatoes
242
00:10:50,855 --> 00:10:53,409
over to the side
of your plates.
243
00:10:53,547 --> 00:10:55,445
Now, put
your glasses
244
00:10:55,583 --> 00:10:59,173
in the place where
the mashed potatoes
were on your plate.
245
00:10:59,311 --> 00:11:01,866
Now hold your plates
above your heads.
246
00:11:02,004 --> 00:11:03,764
I'll steady
all of this.
247
00:11:03,902 --> 00:11:05,904
Now, Gus, you
lift up the table,
248
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:08,148
and Paul, you crawl
under the table.
249
00:11:08,286 --> 00:11:09,805
Who's gonna hold
the plate over my head
250
00:11:09,943 --> 00:11:12,048
if I have to crawl...
Here. I will.
I will.
251
00:11:12,186 --> 00:11:13,498
PAUL: You know what,
everybody? It's okay.
It's okay.
252
00:11:13,636 --> 00:11:14,948
False alarm.
253
00:11:15,086 --> 00:11:16,915
False alarm.
254
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:19,021
You sure?
255
00:11:19,159 --> 00:11:21,195
Yeah, it's okay.
Really. I don't
have to get up.
256
00:11:21,333 --> 00:11:23,991
Ah.
Well,
I'm sorry, Paul.
257
00:11:24,129 --> 00:11:25,303
I apologize.
258
00:11:25,441 --> 00:11:26,822
I think a person
ought to be able
to get up
259
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,858
and go
to the bathroom
like a person.
260
00:11:28,996 --> 00:11:30,239
It's okay, really.
It's not a problem.
261
00:11:30,377 --> 00:11:32,551
In the army, we were
taught to hold it.
262
00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:36,003
Yes, well, this
is peacetime.
263
00:11:37,971 --> 00:11:40,525
But it builds character
holding it in.
264
00:11:40,663 --> 00:11:42,285
It doesn't
build character.
265
00:11:42,423 --> 00:11:45,047
It builds an obstruction
in your urinary tract.
266
00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:50,328
No, it does not.
The boy has to pee.
267
00:11:50,466 --> 00:11:52,986
That's okay.
I really don't.
I really don't.
268
00:11:53,124 --> 00:11:54,539
Yes, you do.
No, he doesn't.
269
00:11:54,677 --> 00:11:57,438
He really doesn't.
THERESA: He really does.
270
00:11:57,576 --> 00:11:58,957
The boy stays here.
271
00:11:59,095 --> 00:12:01,304
Then the boy
pees in his pants.
272
00:12:04,273 --> 00:12:05,239
No, he doesn't.
273
00:12:05,377 --> 00:12:06,482
You have to pee
in your pants
274
00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:08,656
in this
godforsaken box.
275
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:10,037
That's ridiculous.
276
00:12:10,175 --> 00:12:12,522
That's it.
We should all be
wearing diapers.
277
00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:14,766
We don't need diapers
in this unit.
278
00:12:14,904 --> 00:12:16,009
It's state-of-the-art.
279
00:12:16,147 --> 00:12:17,286
It's a nightmare.
280
00:12:17,424 --> 00:12:19,460
This is a nightmare!
281
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,191
[TIMER DINGING]
282
00:12:27,537 --> 00:12:29,850
Who wants
the first Jell-O?
283
00:12:34,441 --> 00:12:35,683
PAUL: Oh, that was weird.
284
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,271
Oh, it was not weird.
That was just
horrible.
285
00:12:37,409 --> 00:12:38,617
It wasn't horrible.
286
00:12:38,756 --> 00:12:40,102
To erase that
from my memory,
287
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:43,346
I would gladly
give up a finger
or something.
288
00:12:43,484 --> 00:12:45,107
I would
lose the pinkie
of my left hand
289
00:12:45,245 --> 00:12:46,453
to have never
witnessed that.
290
00:12:46,591 --> 00:12:48,075
Thank you.
I get it.
291
00:12:48,213 --> 00:12:51,216
You're saying that's
no big deal?
It was no big deal.
292
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:52,735
Excuse me, that
explosion of anger,
293
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:53,943
that was nothing?
294
00:12:54,081 --> 00:12:55,876
Who knows my parents
better, me or you?
295
00:12:56,014 --> 00:12:57,878
Okay, you.
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
296
00:12:58,016 --> 00:12:59,535
Okay, and
I'm telling you
297
00:12:59,673 --> 00:13:01,848
that twice a year
for two seconds
they have an argument.
298
00:13:01,986 --> 00:13:03,125
It passes,
and that's it.
299
00:13:03,263 --> 00:13:05,265
All right, so good.
You know your parents.
300
00:13:06,956 --> 00:13:08,786
I'm leaving
your father.
301
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,455
Listen, mom,
you're going right
back downstairs.
302
00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:22,628
Come on, this is ridiculous.
303
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:24,630
I am not going
right back downstairs.
304
00:13:24,769 --> 00:13:26,805
I told you, your father
and I are done.
305
00:13:26,943 --> 00:13:27,910
You're not done.
306
00:13:28,048 --> 00:13:29,912
You don't end a
37-year marriage
307
00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:31,465
because
of a vacation.
308
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:34,261
[SCOFFS] This trip was
just the final straw.
309
00:13:34,399 --> 00:13:38,058
This has been brewing
ever since the electric
can-opener incident.
310
00:13:39,576 --> 00:13:42,338
The electric
can-opener incident
was in 1971.
311
00:13:42,476 --> 00:13:44,167
Fine. Fine.
312
00:13:44,305 --> 00:13:46,998
Paul, do you know
of a good hotel
in this neighborhood?
313
00:13:48,171 --> 00:13:49,517
You know, uh...
314
00:13:49,655 --> 00:13:51,243
Uh, I don't recall.
315
00:13:54,177 --> 00:13:57,456
You slept
in my house
for 18 years.
316
00:13:57,594 --> 00:13:59,873
All right, all right,
oh, my god. All right.
317
00:14:00,011 --> 00:14:02,599
You can stay here
tonight, but first thing
tomorrow you've gotta go...
318
00:14:02,738 --> 00:14:04,153
You know what I'm
going to do?
319
00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:08,157
I'm going to take a long,
hot bath
320
00:14:08,295 --> 00:14:09,814
in a real bathroom.
321
00:14:12,092 --> 00:14:13,921
Okay, see,
I still haven't peed.
322
00:14:18,339 --> 00:14:19,893
What am I gonna do?
323
00:14:20,031 --> 00:14:22,412
I don't know...
There's nothing much
you can do.
324
00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:25,001
She's left your father.
She hasn't
left my father.
325
00:14:25,139 --> 00:14:27,555
Okay, maybe I'm just going
off of her sentence,
326
00:14:27,693 --> 00:14:29,661
"I've left your father."
327
00:14:29,799 --> 00:14:32,457
THERESA: Your mildew
is in such interesting
patterns.
328
00:14:37,117 --> 00:14:38,394
Oh, it's bad,
so she saying
it's good.
329
00:14:38,532 --> 00:14:40,396
I get it. No, I get it now.
All right.
330
00:14:40,534 --> 00:14:42,225
So you're going to the
game tomorrow. You...
331
00:14:42,363 --> 00:14:44,089
We're still gonna
go to the game?
You're going to the game.
332
00:14:44,227 --> 00:14:45,746
You talk to him.
I'll talk to her.
333
00:14:45,884 --> 00:14:47,644
Afterwards we'll
bring them both
back here.
334
00:14:47,783 --> 00:14:49,405
They'll sit down
and they'll discuss it.
335
00:14:49,543 --> 00:14:50,544
Ten minutes,
it'll be solved.
336
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,097
You think that's
gonna actually work?
337
00:14:52,235 --> 00:14:53,996
They're acting
like children. We'll treat
them like children.
338
00:14:54,134 --> 00:14:55,652
Good. So our parents
are our children.
339
00:14:55,791 --> 00:14:57,516
Our children will
be our children.
340
00:14:57,654 --> 00:14:59,864
Which makes me
my own grandfather.
341
00:15:09,252 --> 00:15:11,323
Do you think the Jets
are gonna win one game?
342
00:15:11,461 --> 00:15:12,842
Well, it ain't
gonna be this one.
343
00:15:14,671 --> 00:15:17,536
Did you see what
that guy Perot said?
344
00:15:17,674 --> 00:15:18,814
Oh, yeah.
I read that.
345
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,195
Nutcase.
Oh, Perot?
[WHISTLES]
346
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,338
But IBM, huh?
347
00:15:26,476 --> 00:15:28,099
Oh, IBM, yeah.
Wow.
348
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:30,826
[ALL CHEERING]
349
00:15:34,415 --> 00:15:37,246
You know, Gus, I'm
sure you don't want
to talk about this,
350
00:15:37,384 --> 00:15:42,009
but last night
the, the whole thing,
I mean...
351
00:15:42,147 --> 00:15:44,149
I just... No pressure,
but if you want
to talk about it,
352
00:15:44,287 --> 00:15:46,738
I'd be more
than happy to talk
to you about that.
353
00:15:47,704 --> 00:15:48,740
You're a nice kid.
354
00:15:48,878 --> 00:15:50,811
Throw the ball.
355
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,166
Tequila, straight up.
356
00:16:01,304 --> 00:16:02,685
Club soda, please.
357
00:16:02,823 --> 00:16:04,514
Club soda?
Have a drink, you freak.
358
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,207
I don't
want a drink.
359
00:16:07,345 --> 00:16:08,553
Well, I do.
I'm nervous.
360
00:16:08,691 --> 00:16:09,968
I mean, look,
361
00:16:10,106 --> 00:16:12,453
my whole identity
is based on Mom and Dad
362
00:16:12,591 --> 00:16:14,317
being trapped
in a loveless marriage.
363
00:16:14,455 --> 00:16:16,388
If they break up and
find happiness, well,
364
00:16:16,526 --> 00:16:18,494
what happens to me?
365
00:16:18,632 --> 00:16:21,704
They're not trapped
in a loveless marriage,
and they're not breaking up.
366
00:16:21,842 --> 00:16:23,775
Are too.
Are too.
367
00:16:24,983 --> 00:16:26,847
She's been in there
a long time.
368
00:16:26,985 --> 00:16:29,022
Yeah. Probably
weeping uncontrollably.
369
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,610
[LAUGHING]
You're so right.
370
00:16:31,748 --> 00:16:33,543
Well, it was lovely
talking to you.
371
00:16:33,681 --> 00:16:35,131
Look, here's
my daughter's number.
372
00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:36,822
That's where I'm
staying temporarily,
373
00:16:36,961 --> 00:16:40,654
and look, you
call me and we'll hit
that spinning class.
374
00:16:42,828 --> 00:16:44,900
Mom, you are really
weirding me out.
375
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:46,349
Well, get over it.
376
00:16:56,532 --> 00:16:58,465
Hello.
BOTH: Mom!
377
00:17:00,432 --> 00:17:01,606
You're embarrassing us.
378
00:17:01,744 --> 00:17:03,228
Look, this has gone
far enough.
379
00:17:03,366 --> 00:17:05,265
As soon as this play
is over, we are
marching back home.
380
00:17:05,403 --> 00:17:07,129
You are gonna
sit down and
talk to Poppy
381
00:17:07,267 --> 00:17:09,683
and work this thing out,
and I don't want to hear
another word about it.
382
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:12,755
No, I'm not,
and you can't make me.
383
00:17:23,317 --> 00:17:25,423
I don't want
to overstep any bounds
as a son-in-law here.
384
00:17:25,561 --> 00:17:27,666
I just...
I just want us...
385
00:17:27,804 --> 00:17:30,393
Don't you think
that after all...
386
00:17:30,531 --> 00:17:33,155
I mean, don't you think
that before you go on
this trip without your wife
387
00:17:33,293 --> 00:17:35,191
that it's worth
trying to sit down
388
00:17:35,329 --> 00:17:36,606
and talk to her
one more time?
389
00:17:36,744 --> 00:17:38,919
I don't think so.
Fumble! Fumble.
390
00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:41,094
[CROWD EXCLAIMING]
391
00:17:41,232 --> 00:17:44,062
Come on, defense.
Let's go, defense.
392
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,995
Think about it,
think about all
the years in there.
393
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:48,446
Look, you're
a nice kid,
sweet kid.
394
00:17:48,584 --> 00:17:49,930
You're a lovely kid...
395
00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:51,518
But you don't have
all the answers.
396
00:17:51,656 --> 00:17:53,554
How many years
you married?
397
00:17:53,692 --> 00:17:55,177
Five years.
Oh, five years.
398
00:17:55,798 --> 00:17:57,075
37 years.
399
00:17:57,213 --> 00:17:59,560
Imagine
for 37 years
400
00:17:59,698 --> 00:18:02,908
trying to translate
everything your
wife is saying.
401
00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:04,082
Why?
402
00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:06,464
Because she
talks in a code.
403
00:18:08,431 --> 00:18:10,192
Well, I can't
crack that code.
404
00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:13,195
All I know is she's
always unhappy,
405
00:18:13,333 --> 00:18:15,507
and it's always
my fault.
406
00:18:15,645 --> 00:18:19,132
So now I want
to take this nice
little trip around the country
407
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:23,032
and if she wants
to go, she can go.
408
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:24,827
But if she
doesn't wanna go,
409
00:18:24,965 --> 00:18:26,242
I'm gonna go
by myself.
410
00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:28,175
That's all there is.
That's it.
411
00:18:31,523 --> 00:18:33,215
Come on,
tackle somebody.
412
00:18:43,811 --> 00:18:46,504
Is he with you?
No.
413
00:18:46,642 --> 00:18:48,885
They're in the RV.
They're saying
good-bye.
414
00:18:50,335 --> 00:18:52,475
Wow.
I know.
415
00:18:53,407 --> 00:18:54,408
What are they doing?
416
00:18:54,546 --> 00:18:56,652
You don't split up
after 37 years.
417
00:18:56,790 --> 00:18:57,825
What is that?
418
00:18:57,963 --> 00:18:59,448
Well, maybe you do
if you're...
419
00:18:59,586 --> 00:19:01,139
If you're
really unhappy.
420
00:19:01,277 --> 00:19:02,451
They're happy.
421
00:19:03,659 --> 00:19:04,970
Okay.
422
00:19:05,109 --> 00:19:06,938
They were happy.
I'm sure they were.
423
00:19:07,076 --> 00:19:08,664
No, no, honestly,
they were.
424
00:19:08,802 --> 00:19:10,976
They were like us.
It's like they
were meant to be.
425
00:19:11,115 --> 00:19:12,564
I understand.
426
00:19:12,702 --> 00:19:13,876
So what,
so suddenly now,
427
00:19:14,014 --> 00:19:15,188
not so much
meant to be
428
00:19:15,326 --> 00:19:17,776
as totally wrong
for one other?
429
00:19:17,914 --> 00:19:19,399
I don't know.
You know, people change.
430
00:19:19,537 --> 00:19:20,848
You know, things change.
431
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:24,990
Wow.
432
00:19:27,062 --> 00:19:29,754
You base your life
on a few simple
principles.
433
00:19:29,892 --> 00:19:31,997
Gravity, the earth
revolves around the sun,
434
00:19:32,136 --> 00:19:34,069
your parents
should be together.
435
00:19:35,553 --> 00:19:37,244
You know what, baby?
436
00:19:37,382 --> 00:19:38,901
I think the
two of them have been
together so long...
437
00:19:39,039 --> 00:19:40,109
That's what
I'm gonna do.
438
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:42,180
What?
I'm gonna tell them.
439
00:19:42,318 --> 00:19:45,149
Tell them what?
About the baby.
Come downstairs with me.
440
00:19:45,287 --> 00:19:46,840
No, I didn't say baby.
I was calling you baby.
441
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:48,083
I didn't say baby.
442
00:19:49,153 --> 00:19:50,326
They're not
gonna split up
443
00:19:50,464 --> 00:19:51,741
if they know
I'm carrying
their grandchild.
444
00:19:51,879 --> 00:19:53,295
That would be
in horrible taste.
445
00:19:54,675 --> 00:19:56,505
First of all, we're
not telling people yet.
446
00:19:56,643 --> 00:19:58,023
These aren't people.
These are my parents.
447
00:19:58,162 --> 00:20:00,129
Okay, whatever.
Two, do you want that
448
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:01,510
to be the reason
they stay together?
449
00:20:01,648 --> 00:20:03,650
If that's what it takes.
They're making a mistake.
450
00:20:03,788 --> 00:20:05,134
Maybe they are.
451
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:07,412
So, am I supposed
to let that happen?
452
00:20:07,550 --> 00:20:09,449
No. You tell them
how you feel,
but you've done that.
453
00:20:09,587 --> 00:20:12,003
Anything more that,
I don't think it's
our place.
454
00:20:12,141 --> 00:20:13,453
Just indulge me.
Please.
455
00:20:14,523 --> 00:20:16,111
Okay.
Thank you.
456
00:20:17,491 --> 00:20:19,079
Your father
just left.
457
00:20:20,701 --> 00:20:22,427
Oh, my god.
458
00:20:23,048 --> 00:20:24,360
Here.
459
00:20:24,498 --> 00:20:25,982
Oh, honey.
460
00:20:26,121 --> 00:20:28,985
It's okay.
It's okay.
461
00:20:29,124 --> 00:20:30,573
No, it's not.
462
00:20:32,334 --> 00:20:33,611
We said good-bye,
463
00:20:33,749 --> 00:20:35,406
and it was nice,
464
00:20:35,544 --> 00:20:39,272
and we said we'll talk again
in a couple of months,
and we'll see.
465
00:20:41,929 --> 00:20:45,036
You know what
I think you need?
466
00:20:45,174 --> 00:20:47,521
A nice cup
of Swiss Miss.
467
00:20:48,729 --> 00:20:50,179
Okay.
468
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:51,870
As luck
would have it,
469
00:20:52,008 --> 00:20:53,044
we have some
in the house.
470
00:20:54,183 --> 00:20:55,943
Of course you do.
471
00:20:56,081 --> 00:20:58,325
You know, that's why
I think that someday
472
00:20:58,463 --> 00:21:01,673
the two of you
are gonna make
terrific parents,
473
00:21:01,811 --> 00:21:04,642
and I think
I'll make an even
greater grandmother
474
00:21:04,780 --> 00:21:06,126
than I am a mother.
475
00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:08,887
I can't wait.
476
00:21:11,787 --> 00:21:13,858
Mom.
Mmm?
477
00:21:18,863 --> 00:21:20,002
Me, neither.
478
00:21:33,740 --> 00:21:37,053
The Tums? Go to the
overhead compartment.
479
00:21:37,192 --> 00:21:40,712
No, no, not that one.
The one next to the
sun porch.
480
00:21:40,850 --> 00:21:43,853
You know?
Step up on the spare battery.
481
00:21:43,991 --> 00:21:46,856
No, those are the flares.
Yes, they are.
482
00:21:46,994 --> 00:21:49,065
Yes, they are. Yeah.
483
00:21:49,204 --> 00:21:51,516
Okay, now the Tums are
next to the devilled ham.
484
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,934
Ice fishing? Really?
485
00:21:56,521 --> 00:21:57,971
Sounds good.
35376
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