All language subtitles for Mad About You - S05E03 - Therapy-ing

♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do

♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you

♪ Let's take each other's hand

♪ As we jump into
the final frontier

♪ I'm mad about you, baby ♪

HERB ON TV:
...also, personally, myself,

I loved Lou Costello.

Your father hated him. Couldn't stand him. Loved Abbott.

Only person I ever met
who loved Abbott
and hated Costello.

PAUL ON TV: Really? Why was that?

Actually, there's a funny story.

Where's a funny story?

So far, nowhere.

I'm making a film
about Buchmans

that Buchmans
won't even wanna see.

It'll come together.
It always does.

Aren't you shooting
your parents today?

Yeah. That'll
spice things up.

They're entertaining,
aren't they?

Oh, they are
wildly entertaining.

Wow, you look nice.

I do? You swear?

Hand to God,
you look good.

Thank you.

[MURRAY BARKING]

Murray, calm down.

He's scared of that thing,
that bibli, b...

Bibliotheque.
Whatever it is.

[BARKING]

Look, honey,
nice bibliotheque.

I think it's the word
"bibliotheque" that
he's scared of if we just,

if we just called it
what it is, a spinning,
wooden book thing...

[BARKING]

Hates that, too.

I like it.
I think it's unique.

Unique is not
the same as good.

You hate it?

Not to the point
of barking at it,

but I don't love it.

Uh-oh.

What's the matter?
What's today, the 15th?

Uh, okay.

We're supposed to see
that therapist today.

What therapist?
You remember that therapist?

We don't have
a therapist.

When we were having troubles,
and we thought
we should see one,

Fran recommended one.

Oh, the therapist
that Fran recommended.

When we were having
trouble, and we thought
we should see one?

Yeah.

Remember?
No, she couldn't see us.

She couldn't see us
right away.

We still made an appointment,
and it's today at 10:00.

Call her and tell her
we don't need her anymore.
We're fine now.

Okay. You sure?

What?
Well...

What, we're not fine?
No, we're fine.

Didn't you
say you felt that

we're closer than ever?
Yes, I did.

So?

Okay.

It's really hard to get
an appointment with her.

Yeah, but so what?

That's like, if somebody got
me a great deal on a tractor.

Okay, plus it's right smack
in the middle of the day.

Aren't you working?
Yeah, and you're working.

That's exactly
when I'm filming
my parents.

All right, we'll cancel.
Cancel.

She may make us
pay for it anyway.

You know what?
I'm canceling.

What I'm hoping is
if this thing goes well
with my parents,

I'd love them
to be the centerpiece
of the film.

If I get them
talking about
other relatives,

then I cut to interviews
that I get with all
the other relatives,

and my parents become
the through line

for the whole...
What's the matter?

Maybe we should go.
Why?

I don't know.

We're happy, aren't we?

Yes.
So?

What if we're happy
for the wrong reasons?

[STUTTERS] I'll take that.

What if it's just because
we're having a baby?

I'll take that.

What if the baby
is just distracting us,

like the problems
are still there,

growing and festering
beneath the surface?

I'll take that.

I'm sure that's not
what's happening.
It's really not.

Wouldn't it be reassuring
to hear that from
a professional therapist?

You know what,
sweetie, my feeling
is if it ain't broke,

don't ask it
about its childhood.

I really think
we need to do this.

[SIGHS] Really?

So I'll call work
and tell 'em I'll be late?

Okay. I will
call my parents.

I'll tell them
I'll be there late, too.

Thank you.
I'm not telling them
why, though.

God, no.

[BARKING]

Let me
just understand this.

You and I,
who are very happy,

we're gonna go
see a shrink,

but a dog who's
barking at furniture,

he gets to stay
home and relax?
Uh-huh.

All right.

So what brings you here?

Um, actually,
nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing.

We are here literally
for no reason.

So for those
few weeks there,
it was pretty rough.

THERAPIST: Mmm-hmm.

But since then,
we've been closer than ever.

Mmm-hmm.

It's like the whole thing
made us appreciate
what we have.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, at this moment,
I gotta say,

it seems like you have
a very easy job.

So, are we okay?
Tell us we're okay.

Please tell her.

It's hard to say.

It's really not.

Can we try something?

Okay.

What I'd like you to do
is to talk to each other,

each of you pretending
to be the other person.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay. Boy, can I just tell you
that's not something...

I know, I know. You'll feel
a little self-conscious,

but just give it a try.

Okay. You go first.

You go first.

I did. That was me
pretending to be you
saying, "Go first."

All right.
Jamie...

Yes, Paul?

This is
incredibly silly.

It really is.

Okay, your turn.

Go ahead.

Okay. Don't rush me.

I'm you. Would you
wanna be rushed?
No.

All right.

Hey, Paul...

Yes, Jamie?

You were right.
We didn't need
to come here.

I feel...
[EXHALES]

I feel...
What do I feel?

I feel, I feel nothing
in my right leg,
I know that.

Can we try something else?

Sure.
Okay.

I'd like you to try
being totally honest
with each other.

We're always honest.
We really are.

Tell Jamie
how you feel about her.

Good. Really good.

Tell her.

Jamie...

I feel good about you.

Be honest.
What? I do. I feel good.

Is that all?
Yeah.

Because if you keep
your feelings inside,

you're not helping anyone.

Who's keeping?
I'm not keeping.

How do you feel about Jamie
right now? Totally honest.

[EXHALES]

Good. Really good.

Just good?
Yeah.

Okay. Maybe with like
the tiniest dollop of angry.

But mostly really good.

Angry?

Just like a sprinkle,
a sprinkle of angry
in a big bowl of good,

just for flavoring in there.

Angry about what?

Making me come to this
when I got a movie to shoot,

but it's not a big deal.

Okay, Jamie, how do you feel
about what Paul said?

Angry.

You went straight
to the angry?

I gave you all that good
right up front.

It's harder for me to get here
than it is for you,

but I made time because
it's important to us.

Jamie, instead of becoming
defensive at conflict,

try making yourself
vulnerable.

[SCOFFS]

Expose yourself.
Take an emotional risk.

Most anger comes from fear.

Share your fears with him.

My fears, my fears, my fears.

I'm afraid of heights,
and you're selfish

to put your job
ahead of us.

First of all, not wanting
to come here doesn't mean

that I don't care
about the marr...

I care enormously
about the marriage.
You know that.

I just didn't wanna
waste a whole half
a day of shooting.

This is so typical.
What?

Never mind.
No, no, never mind.
See what happens now?

If you're asking...
Never mind. Never mind.

No, because you...
What?

What did I do?
I'm trying...

There's that tone.

There's no tone.
Oh, I hear a tone.

What you're hearing
is not tone.

Well,
I'm hearing a tone.

Maybe you're tone-deaf.
Maybe I am.

THERAPIST: Uh, excuse me.

Excuse me. I'm afraid
our time is up.

I beg your pardon?

PAUL: Here's
what's gonna happen.

I'm gonna
sit under the camera,
I'm gonna say action,

and I want you guys
to start with
how you met, okay?

Talk about how you met,
and the main thing is,

just relax, okay?
Forget about the cameras.

Forget we're all here.
Just be yourselves, all right?

Roll film.

We're speeding.

Okay. You ready?

And...

Action.

Which, as you know,
means talk.

But the light's not on.

There's no light.

This is film. Video has light.
Film-video, film,
not the same thing...

All right. All right.
All right.

Let's try it again.
And, action.

Which I mentioned earlier
means to talk.

BURT: About what?

About how you two met.

All right. Yeah. Uh...

A friend introduced us,

he asked me out,

and I said yes.

PAUL: And then what?

We went on a date.

PAUL: Okay. Where did you go?

To the movies.
And dinner.

We went to dinner
and the movies.

Okay. Good. Did, um,
do you remember, uh,

do you remember anything,
anything special,

anything interesting
about that night?

No.
No.

Any details
or anything like that?

No.
No.

Okay, cut.

All right,
you know what?

I may have
misled you when
I said, "Be yourselves."

Forget it.
I want you to perform,

but pretend like
it's Broadway,
it's opening night,

your own
two-person show.

You're telling a story.
Dazzle them.

I want you
to dazzle them,
all right?

So why didn't
you say that
the first time?

'Cause I'm an idiot.
I don't know why.
All right.

All right, roll film.
All right.

CREW MEMBER: We're speeding.
Here we go.

Plenty of energy, enthusiasm.

Pop, you ready?
And, action.

A friend introduced us,
he asked me out,
and I said, "Yes."

I took her
to the movies
and dinner.

Dinner and the movies.

Okay. Cut.

So what was
wrong with that,
Mr. DeMille?

Nothing.
You did terrific.

I'm just wondering if
maybe we could do it

a little bit
more terrific.

More terrific?
How?

What are you saying?
Nothing.

What do you mean?
I can see by your face.

If there's something wrong,
just tell me.

Okay. Well,
let me be honest.

Yes. Absolutely.

Because you know,
you keep your feelings inside,

you're not
helping anybody.
SYLVIA: Right.

My fear, okay?
SYLVIA: Yeah.

My fear is that
the two of you...

You may be coming off
in an uninteresting way.

I see. We bore you.

No, no, no, no, no,
you don't understand.
You don't bore me,

but to the camera...

Did you hear that, Burt?
We're not boring him,

we're just boring
to everybody else.

No, that's not
what I'm saying.

If we're so boring,
why don't you shoot the couch?

It's got
a very lively pattern.

Uh, Mom, that...

[DOOR CLOSES]

So, we're done?

TROY: Well, look who missed
all the excitement.

I... I had an appointment
that I couldn't get out of.

[GASPS] An appointment
you couldn't get out of.

You had to have
your roots done?

You didn't wanna
miss cardio-funk?

♪ There's a bright
golden haze on the meadow

♪ There's a bright
golden haze on the meadow

♪ The corn is as high
as an elephant's eye ♪

Lance,
what's going on?

[LAUGHS] Well, it's kind of
a funny story, actually.

I was giving my speech
on health care to a group
of schoolchildren,

and I thought it germane
to mention some ways

I personally have benefited
from modern medicine.

The example sprang to mind
of how I've been helped

by Prozac, so...
Oh, my God.

See? See what you missed?

I don't know what you two
are so concerned about.
I'm not worried at all.

Of course not 'cause
you're on... Prozac?

I'm finding it very hard
to get upset about this.

Okay.

Okay. Okay. Um...
Here's what we'll do.

I have a plan.
The news is out, so,
so we'll go with it.

If I might...
You will explain
that you take Prozac

to treat a very
minor condition,

and that it isn't
a big deal.

Why do you
actually take it?

To control debilitating
panic attacks.

Oh, good.

Not that anyone asked,
but if it were up to me,

I would just merely admit
that you were on Prozac
ever so briefly,

a long, long time ago,
and that you haven't
taken it in years.

Also, I'd move
that table that way,
but that's for later.

Okay, that's ridiculous.
That would never work.

That's completely absurd.

First of all, you'd
have to give up Prozac.

Now, hold on, Jamie.
Troy might be right.

You're gonna
stop taking Prozac?

Yes, you see,
the great thing
about Prozac

is that being on it
gives you the strength
to get off of it.

Well, if I may say,
as your campaign manager
rather than your gopher,

I think it's
a huge mistake.

Now, now, Jamie,
a good idea is a good idea,

no matter
where it comes from.

Look, Paul, why don't
we just take off?

Listen, we're gonna
get this on film.

Ma, let me, again,
let me say I'm sorry.

It's not your fault
I'm boring.

Maybe I should
apologize to you

for making you
listen to me.

Uh-uh, sonny, excuse me,
you're gonna make a mess.

Ma, it was wrong of
me to say that.

And I see that.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Forgive...

Pop, you're not
mad at me, are you?

He's furious.

Can I at least
explain to you
what happened?

Jamie and I
went to therapy.

You went to therapy?
We went one time.

You're in therapy?

I wouldn't say
we're "in."

Oh, now I understand.

You do?

Everything's blamed
on the mother,

and I am the mother.

No. No.
Nobody's blaming you.

No. Listen,
it's not my fault
you were bottle-fed.

That's what they did
in those days.

Who was saying anything
about bottle feeding...

Listen, I am no worse
than the other mothers.

What about
Jerry Markowitz's mother?

She wouldn't even let him
join the Cub Scouts.

She was afraid the kerchief
would choke him.

Nobody, Ma...
You happy now, Burt?

Me?
Yes. Your daughter's gay,
your son is a mental case.

Thank God,
Sharon lives
in New Jersey.

Ma, there's no reason,
sit on the couch...

Apparently I was bottle-fed.

Lance?

Ahhh!

You have got to
help me, Jamie.

I'm in over my head,
and I cannot get out.

Help me, Jamie. Help me.
Okay, okay.

[WHIMPERS]

I should not
be going out, Jamie.

I am in no condition
to go out.

Ever since
I went off Prozac,
I am at wit's end.

Okay. If I may say,
you've only been off
Prozac for 13 minutes.

It's possible
it's your imagination.

No, no, no.
I realize perfectly

that this is
a psychosomatic disorder,

but the most salient aspect
of psychosomatic disorders

is that knowing
that they're psychosomatic

does nothing to ameliorate
the terror they instill.

The New England Journal of Medicine...

Lance...
Jamie, I'm talking!

Jamie, I think
the best thing
for Lance right now

is for you to
stay out of his hair
a little while.

Excuse me.
That's all right.

Can I talk to you
for a minute?

Look, Troy...

I'm going to take
an emotional risk.

I feel uncomfortable

with the expanded role
you've taken in this campaign.

I feel you're
not respecting
my boundaries,

and if I may
be honest,

my fear is you're
making a play
for my job,

which makes me
feel hurt
and frightened.

Can I be honest with you?

Sure.

I don't care.

Things have changed,

and you're gonna
have to start treating
me like an equal.

Equal? I'm a salaried
campaign manager.

You're the coffee boy.
Why don't you get me
some Equal?

Okay, but Lance...
No, no, no. I'm not having
this conversation.

I'm running this campaign.
You're getting the coffee.

All right,
I'll get the coffee,

but no more
running across the street
for frozen yogurt.

Really?

All right.

TROY: I'm going on
a yogurt run, people.

Lance...

You're going back
on Prozac.

I am?

Wow, what a waste of a day.

Would you please
look at the mess you made?

Ma, I can only say
I'm sorry.

Let me run
to the bathroom,

and we'll be
out of your hair.

In two minutes,
we'll be gone.

I don't know what
he's so upset about.

We went to dinner
and the movies.

Everybody goes
to dinner and the movies.

There's nothing special
about that.

Oh, yeah?
Which restaurant?

Would you
remember the name
of the restaurant, Burt?

Emilio's.

Right. And we
had pot roast.

That was a tender
piece of meat.

Oh, please. It was marbled...
It was marbled just like
Michelangelo's David.

Do you remember that man
who sat behind us?
He was a gangster.

What was his name?

Oh, Frank Costello.

Yeah. He was alive then.

He walked over
to our table and
he said to me,

"You have a very
beautiful young lady
with you tonight."

Meaning me.

And then he said,

"Do you mind
if I dance
with her?"

And I says,
as a matter of fact, I do.

And then, wait...
Frank Costello patted
the left side of his jacket

because he had a gun,
and Burt reached
for his belt,

and Costello thought
he had a gun, too,

but, actually, he was
just loosening his pants.

I had two desserts.

Can you imagine?

The so-called
"King of the Mobsters"
backed down.

He died two days later.

My husband,
Paulie's father,

stood up
to Lou Costello.

What was that?
Who stood up
to Lou Costello?

Frank Costello.

Frank Costello,
the gangster?

It's no big deal
to stand up
to Lou Costello.

What's he gonna do,
hit you with his hat?

You stoop up
to Frank Costello?

Ah, look, look,
now he's interested.

Wait. Did you get any of this?

We can get it now.
Yes!

I don't...
Why didn't you
tell this to me?

What? I thought you knew.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

JAMIE: Hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.

Hey. Hi.

Hi.

I called
the therapist today

and told her
we weren't coming back.

That's good.

Isn't it?

I guess. It was
stupid to go, right?

Well, nah,
it wasn't stupid.

You didn't know.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

What?

I didn't know?

It was your idea
to go to therapy.

So you're saying
it's my fault.

No. I did not use
the word "fault."

Oh, but that's
what you meant.

I wanted us
to go to therapy.

I bought
the bibliotheque.

I kissed
Doug Berkus.

We never
seem to mention

that you almost
went home with
some woman

whose name
I never even
asked you.

Wow. Where'd this
all come from?

I'm not sure.

Want to talk about it?

At therapy?

Okay, so we'll go.

You sure?
Yeah.

You know, obviously
we have some problems,

not big problems,
not a lot of problems,
but it's, you know

it's not like,
we're not without,
not, no problems.

What?

We'll go to therapy.
Okay.

'Cause you have problems,

therapy is the way
you work 'em out.

[GROWLING]

Unless you're a dog,
and then you just eat them.

[MURRAY BARKING]

Paul and Jamie Buchman-,
session one.

Conservatively speaking,
only five to 12 years
for this couple.

Speaking of which,
call broker, buy.

Paul seems defensive
and frightened of
his own feelings.

They appear to be
very much in love,

but I sense
repressed anger

which he seems
happy to ignore.

She, on the other hand,
has a vulnerable core

which is masked
in a shark-like surface.

Major conflicts will arise,

but, uh, that's
what keeps us in business.