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1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:06,672
♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND
2
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:09,608
♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN
3
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:12,210
♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE
4
00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:16,481
♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE
5
00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:21,153
♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY
6
00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:24,155
♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW
7
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:29,895
♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME
8
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,764
♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY
9
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:39,070
♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪
10
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:56,988
YEP.
11
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,390
YEAH.
12
00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:02,460
UH-HUH.
13
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,529
- YEP.
- WELL?
14
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,543
YOUR INFESTATION
PROFILE IS THREEFOLD.
15
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,834
YOU HAVE SILVERFISH AND WATER
BUGS IN THE DRAINAGE AREAS.
16
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:12,770
UNDER THE BASEBOARDS YOU
HAVE BLATTARIA ANDROPOLIS.
17
00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:16,675
HEAR THAT? THE GREEK PRESIDENT
LIVES UNDER OUR BASEBOARD.
18
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,279
BLATTARIA ANDROPOLIS
IS A COCKROACH.
19
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:23,648
MAYBE HE'LL BE VOTED
OUT NEXT ELECTION.
20
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,984
WHAT DO YOU DO
TO GET RID OF THEM?
21
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,387
THE NEXT STEP IS TO ASCERTAIN
THE CONDITION OF YOUR EXTERIOR.
22
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:31,600
FOR THIS I NEED TO
PERFORM A CURSORY
23
00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:34,293
INSPECTION OF YOUR
SUBTERRANEAN SUBSTRUCTURE.
24
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:38,063
- CRAWL UNDER THE HOUSE?
- EASY TO MAKE IT SOUND STUPID.
25
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,334
POOR MAN, HOW DOES HE
FACE HIMSELF EVERY DAY
26
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:45,437
KNOWING HIS LIFE IS DEVOTED
TO KILLING LIVING THINGS?
27
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:48,340
ROSE, I DON'T THINK A
GUY WHO DRIVES AROUND
28
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,809
WITH A FIBERGLASS
TERMITE ON HIS VAN
29
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:53,211
PONDERS MANY DEEP QUESTIONS.
30
00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:57,182
- OH!
- BLANCHE, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
31
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,017
OH, GIRLS, I'M JUST IN ECSTASY.
32
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,453
MY BODY IS TINGLING ALL OVER.
GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
33
00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:07,092
WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. WHAT
PART OF THE MIDDLE EAST IS HE FROM?
34
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:11,830
I JUST WON THE RAFFLE
AT THE MOVIE THEATER.
35
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:15,333
TICKETS TO THE PREMIERE OF BURT
REYNOLDS' NEW MOVIE TOMORROW.
36
00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:17,569
- THAT'S NICE.
- YES.
37
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,705
AND PASSES FOR ME
AND MY TWO BEST FRIENDS
38
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,540
TO THE PRIVATE PARTY AFTERWARDS
39
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:27,745
TO BE HOSTED BY NONE OTHER
THAN MR BURT REYNOLDS HIMSELF.
40
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,223
WHOO-OO! WHOO-OO!
41
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,558
WHOO-OO! WHOO-OO.
42
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,962
- SOPHIA, HONEY...
- OH, NO.
43
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:47,699
NOT THIS TIME. I'M TIRED OF
BEING TONTO OF THE GROUP.
44
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:50,202
I COULDN'T GET ANOTHER TICKET.
45
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:54,072
THEN THIS TIME WE'LL DRAW
CARDS. I MISSED OUT ON EVITA.
46
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,575
MA, I'M NOT GIVING UP A
CHANCE TO MEET BURT REYNOLDS.
47
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,545
- ME NEITHER.
- ET TU, BLANCHE?
48
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,983
SOPHIA, BURT REYNOLDS IS ONE
OF OUR FINEST LIVING ACTORS.
49
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,952
HE SHOULD HAVE WON THE
OSCAR FOR DELIVERANCE.
50
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:09,955
NOT TO MENTION STARTING OVER.
51
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,756
THAT ACADEMY'S JUST JEALOUS.
52
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:16,428
PUT SIR LAURENCE OLIVIER IN
CANNONBALL RUN, SEE WHAT HE CAN DO.
53
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,565
OH, I'M SORRY, SOPHIA,
BUT THE ANSWER'S NO.
54
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:22,401
FINE. BREAK AN OLD LADY'S HEART.
55
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:26,605
I'LL BE OUT BACK WITH
THE REST OF THE GARBAGE.
56
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:29,274
DON'T WORRY, SHE'LL GET OVER IT.
57
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,677
AND EVEN IF SHE
DOESN'T, WHO CARES?
58
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,679
WE'RE GONNA MEET BURT REYNOLDS!
59
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:43,555
I ALWAYS GET THIS REACTION
WHEN I WEAR THE TIGHT JUMPSUIT.
60
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:46,524
- WHAT DID YOU FIND?
- BAD NEWS. YOU'VE GOT TERMITES.
61
00:03:46,626 --> 00:03:51,195
- NO! CAN YOU GET RID OF 'EM?
- HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OUR MOTTO?
62
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:53,998
- WHAT IS IT?
- "WE GET RID OF TERMITES".
63
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:58,336
WE'LL TENT THE HOUSE. YOU'LL
HAVE TO MOVE OUT FOR TWO DAYS.
64
00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:00,272
WHERE WILL WE STAY?
65
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:03,341
HOW ABOUT A BEAUTIFUL
HOTEL OVER ON MIAMI BEACH?
66
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:07,278
WE'RE MEETING BURT REYNOLDS.
LET'S MAKE A WEEKEND OUT OF IT.
67
00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,381
WE CAN'T AFFORD A HOTEL THERE.
68
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,751
I'LL FIND ONE WE CAN
AFFORD. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
69
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:15,419
- I THINK IT'S A TERRIFIC IDEA.
- OK.
70
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:18,956
OK, YOU CAN START TOMORROW.
71
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:23,028
I'M OFF TO FIND US THE PERFECT
HOTEL FOR OUR PERFECT WEEKEND.
72
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:26,931
MA, MA, A HOTEL ON THE BEACH.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN?
73
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:30,835
I CAN GO? I DON'T GET
GASSED WITH THE TERMITES?
74
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,940
OH, DOROTHY, YOU'RE
SUCH A GOOD DAUGHTER.
75
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:38,309
SHE'LL GET OVER IT. AND IF
SHE DOESN'T, WHO CARES?
76
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:40,345
WE'RE GOING TO
MEET BURT REYNOLDS!
77
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:52,223
YOU WANT THE BED NEXT
TO THE TV OR THE WINDOW?
78
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:54,759
THE BED NEXT TO BURT REYNOLDS.
79
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,196
FINE, I'LL TAKE THIS ONE.
80
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:03,168
- MA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH, YEAH.
81
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,037
JUST A LITTLE RELAPSE FROM
MY PNEUMONIA. YOU REMEMBER.
82
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:11,676
I RAN SIX MILES IN THE RAIN TO BRING
YOU THE CANNOLI FOR YOUR LUNCHBOX.
83
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:14,112
MA, PLEASE.
84
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:15,914
DON'T WORRY, I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
85
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:19,017
YOU ALL GO SCHMOOZE
WITH BURT AND HIS BUDDIES.
86
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,820
I'LL STAY HERE AND HACK
MYSELF UNCONSCIOUS.
87
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:25,490
THAT'S BEING A GOOD SPORT.
88
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:29,561
DOROTHY, YOU THINK BURT'S
GONNA LIKE THIS DRESS?
89
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,029
YEAH.
90
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:35,900
THAT PLUNGING NECKLINE WILL
REALLY SHOW OFF HIS CHEST HAIR.
91
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,971
THE LAST TIME I WORE THIS WAS AT
THE 1972 PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION.
92
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,840
I DANCED IN THE ARMS
OF THE PRESIDENT.
93
00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:46,411
THE NEXT MORNING I
WOKE UP STILL IN HIS ARMS.
94
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,347
BLANCHE! YOU AND NIXON?
95
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:52,317
NIXON? YUCK!
96
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:53,951
NO.
97
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,354
I CAN'T EVEN
PICTURE NIXON NAKED.
98
00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:01,759
HE MUST LOOK LIKE ONE OF
THOSE LITTLE DRESS-UP DOLLS.
99
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:06,097
LITTLE MOUNDS OF PLASTIC TO
INDICATE WHERE THINGS OUGHTA BE.
100
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,568
NO, I WAS TALKING ABOUT
MR WILLIAM "BUSTER" COLLIER.
101
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:12,237
THE PRESIDENT OF THE
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE.
102
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:15,039
OH, THAT PRESIDENTIAL
INAUGURATION.
103
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,642
BUSTER WANTED ME
TO BE HIS FIRST LADY
104
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,612
- BUT HE DIED TWO DAYS LATER.
- OH, I'M SORRY.
105
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,081
HE WAS PERFORMING HIS
FIRST OFFICIAL FUNCTION:
106
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:26,017
BREAKING A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE
OVER THE NEW TOLLBOOTH.
107
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:29,053
BUT BEFORE HE COULD
STEP OUT OF THE WAY,
108
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,923
HE WAS RUN OVER BY
TEN SHRINERS ON MINIBIKES
109
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:35,927
WHO JUST HAPPENED TO
HAVE THE EXACT CHANGE.
110
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:40,265
SO MANY OF OUR GREAT
LEADERS HAVE GONE THAT WAY.
111
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:43,501
THERE'S A STORY IN THE PAPER
ABOUT THE PARTY TONIGHT.
112
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:46,037
- REALLY?
- LOOK WHO'S GONNA BE THERE.
113
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,806
- DOM DELUISE.
- WOW!
114
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,409
- LONI ANDERSON.
- WOW!
115
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:53,678
CHARLES NELSON REILLY.
116
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,417
CHARLES NELSON REILLY!
117
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,986
WHO ELSE?
118
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,355
- JOHN FORSYTHE.
- MR JOHN FORSYTHE!
119
00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:07,659
OH, MY GOD. HE'S JUST THE
SEXIEST MAN IN TELEVISION.
120
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,862
AND BURT IS THE SEXIEST
MAN IN THE MOVIES.
121
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:14,999
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS. ALL THAT
MANLINESS IN ONE CROWDED ROOM.
122
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,303
HOT CROWDED ROOM. EVERYBODY'S
STEAMY BODIES ALL PRESSED...
123
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,272
BLANCHE, BLANCHE, BLANCHE.
124
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:22,707
RELAX. YOU'LL SET OFF
THE SMOKE DETECTOR.
125
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,212
HELLO? THIS IS ROSE NYLUND.
126
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:31,883
WHAT?
127
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:36,354
I'M ONE OF THE WINNERS OF THE
PUBLISHERS CLEARING HOUSE?
128
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:40,625
ED MCMAHON WANTS
TO SEE ME RIGHT AWAY?
129
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:44,629
LEAVE MY BURT REYNOLDS TICKET
ON THE DRESSER BEFORE I GO?
130
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:49,100
MA, GET OFF THE PHONE!
131
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,336
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
132
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:56,941
GUESS WHAT. I
THINK THIS IS SOPHIA.
133
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,889
WHICH ROOM'S AVAILABLE?
134
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,591
ROOM 506.
135
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:16,328
THE ROOM IS 50, THE
YOUNG LADY'S 100.
136
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:19,864
MAKE IT QUICK. I'M NOT
RUNNING A HOTEL HERE.
137
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,842
GIRLS, DON'T YOU
JUST LOVE OUR HOTEL?
138
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:34,912
IT'S MUCH NICER THAN THOSE
BIG CHAINS. HOW DID YOU FIND IT?
139
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,615
IT'S IN OUR PRICE
RANGE, NEAR THE BEACH
140
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:40,552
AND IT HAD THE MOST
MEN IN THE LOBBY.
141
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:43,455
LET'S GO. WE DON'T
WANNA KEEP BURT WAITING.
142
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:47,291
WAIT A MINUTE. LET'S HAVE
A QUICK DRINK IN THE BAR.
143
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,361
- OH, BLANCHE.
- COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN.
144
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:53,064
OK, BUT LET'S
MAKE IT QUICK. MISS.
145
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:59,271
GIRLS, YOU SEE THAT MAN
OVER THERE STARING AT ME?
146
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,340
HE'S UNDRESSING
ME WITH HIS EYES.
147
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:06,878
- DO YOU WANNA MOVE TABLES?
- NOT YET, HE'S ONLY HALF DONE.
148
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:12,484
EXCUSE ME, I COULDN'T HELP BUT
NOTICE YOU FROM ACROSS THE ROOM.
149
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:16,887
MY FRIENDS AND I WOULD
LIKE TO BUY YOU LADIES A DRINK.
150
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:19,624
THANK YOU, BUT WE
DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
151
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:23,828
- THIS IS CARL AND THIS IS JOHN.
- WE'RE ALL FROM KENOSHA.
152
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,130
I KNOW A JOHN FROM KENOSHA.
153
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:30,835
I'LL BET YOU KNOW
A LOT OF JOHNS.
154
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:32,870
THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
155
00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:35,006
IT MUST BE REGIONAL HUMOR.
156
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:39,310
- WE'RE AT THE CLOTHING SHOW.
- OH, IS LEATHER BIG THIS YEAR?
157
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,179
IT IS WITH CARL.
158
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:45,016
YEAH. AS LONG AS I
DON'T HAVE TO PAY EXTRA.
159
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,489
EVEN I DON'T GET THAT ONE.
160
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,759
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
161
00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:57,796
BLANCHE. THESE ARE MY
FRIENDS ROSE AND DOROTHY.
162
00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:01,866
SO, HOW LONG HAVE
YOU GIRLS BEEN WORKING?
163
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,101
THAT'S AN ODD LEAD-OFF
QUESTION, CARL.
164
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:07,438
BUT ACTUALLY I'VE BEEN
WORKING, OH, ABOUT 30 YEARS.
165
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:11,476
YOU MUST REALLY
KNOW YOUR BUSINESS.
166
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,545
DOROTHY'S A VERY
EXPERIENCED TEACHER.
167
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,247
EVERYBODY WHO'S HAD
HER SAYS SHE'S GREAT.
168
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:22,921
LET'S GET SOME DRINKS, GO UPSTAIRS
AND HAVE DOROTHY TEACH US THE THREE RS.
169
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,589
READING, WRITING,
RUNNING AROUND THE BED.
170
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:28,793
AS ENTICING AS THE OFFER IS,
171
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:32,296
- WE REALLY MUST PASS.
- OH, SCUSAMENTE.
172
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:38,035
IF YOU LADIES DON'T WANNA PARTY, THERE
ARE YOUNGER GIRLS THAT'LL TAKE OUR MONEY.
173
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:42,006
GIRLS WHO'LL TAKE THEIR MONEY.
YOU KNOW WHAT HE THINKS WE ARE?
174
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:44,175
WAITRESSES?
175
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,178
NO, ROSE. HOOKERS!
176
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,814
GOD, THAT MUST MEAN
EVERYBODY HERE IS...
177
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:52,650
EVERYBODY IS UNDER
ARREST. IT'S A RAID.
178
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,536
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY
STAY RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE.
179
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:13,558
THE WAGONS WILL
BE HERE MOMENTARILY
180
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,341
TO TRANSPORT ALL
OF YOU DOWNTOWN.
181
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:19,010
DOWNTOWN? HE MEANS JAIL!
182
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:22,881
OH, REALLY, ROSE. I THOUGHT
HE MEANT NEIMAN MARCUS.
183
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,816
OH, I'VE NEVER BEEN IN JAIL.
184
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:28,887
I WON'T MAKE IT. THEY ALWAYS
PREY ON THE WEAK AND INNOCENT.
185
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:33,524
THEY'LL TAUNT ME FOR TRYING TO
EXCEL AT MY WORK IN THE LAUNDRY.
186
00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:36,694
I'LL FALL IN WITH A BAD CROWD
187
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:39,197
WHOSE LEADER LOOKS
LIKE ETHEL MERMAN.
188
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:43,501
I'LL BE FORCED TO ENGINEER A
PRISON BREAK USING MY LAUNDRY CART.
189
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:46,771
FROM THAT TIME ON I WON'T
KNOW A MOMENT'S PEACE.
190
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,040
I'LL SCAR MY FINGERPRINTS
WITH BATTERY ACID
191
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:55,513
AND RUN FROM TOWN TO TOWN TAKING
JOBS THAT PEOPLE HAVE WHO GOT BAD GRADES.
192
00:11:55,615 --> 00:12:00,517
THEN ONE DAY THEY'LL FIND ME, HOLED
UP IN A SHACK IN THE LOUISIANA BAYOU.
193
00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:04,288
A SHERIFF NAMED BULL WILL
CALL MY NAME OVER A MEGAPHONE.
194
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,458
WHEN I RUN, HE'LL RIDDLE
MY BODY WITH BULLETS.
195
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,894
PLEASE DON'T LET THEM
TAKE ME DOWNTOWN!
196
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:12,196
I WANNA LIVE! I WANNA LIVE!
197
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,601
YOU'RE NOT GOOD IN A
CRISIS, ARE YOU, ROSE?
198
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:19,303
DOROTHY, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
199
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:23,307
WE'LL HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT
THIS IS ALL A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
200
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,110
OFFICER.
201
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:30,114
WHAT CAN I DO FOR THE SENIOR
STATESMAN OF THE GROUP?
202
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:35,586
I'LL LET THAT PASS BECAUSE
YOU HAVE THE UPPER HAND.
203
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:37,889
MY FRIENDS AND I ARE
TOTALLY INNOCENT.
204
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:40,324
- I'M INNOCENT TOO.
- ME TOO.
205
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,660
QUIET, YOU TRASH.
206
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:45,964
GO ON, DOROTHY.
207
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:49,366
OFFICER, IF I COULD SEE
YOU FOR JUST A MOMENT,
208
00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:52,670
I'M SURE WE COULD SETTLE THIS
MATTER TO YOUR SATISFACTION.
209
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,606
FORGET IT. I HAPPEN
TO BE A MARRIED MAN.
210
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:57,975
ALL OF YOU DOWNTOWN.
WE'RE MOVING NOW.
211
00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:02,480
OFFICER, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE
WERE ON OUR WAY TO SEE BURT REYNOLDS.
212
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,983
DON'T YOU DARE DRAG
BURT'S GOOD NAME INTO THIS.
213
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:07,318
MOVE.
214
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,688
MOVE, ALL OF YOU! LET'S
GO. MOVE IT. COME ON.
215
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,023
COME ON, COME ON.
216
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,298
I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. ARRESTED.
217
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,833
I'VE NEVER BEEN
IN JAIL IN MY LIFE.
218
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:25,965
RELAX, HONEY. WITH THE
NOTCHES YOU MUST HAVE
219
00:13:25,989 --> 00:13:28,973
ON YOUR GARTER BELT
IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN.
220
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:36,180
OH, ROSE. ROSE, HONEY.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
221
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:39,717
I WAS BOOKED.
FINGERPRINTS, MUG SHOTS.
222
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,721
I'M A KNOWN CRIMINAL. I CAN'T
GO BACK TO MY HOME TOWN.
223
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:47,625
- NOBODY'S EVER GONNA FIND OUT.
- OH, YES, THEY WILL.
224
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:49,660
THE ST OLAF COURIER DISPATCH
225
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:53,064
IS KNOWN FOR ITS
INVESTIGATIVE REPORTING.
226
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,100
YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT SERIES
THEY DID ON OAT FUNGUS
227
00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:58,836
WAS AN UNCOMPROMISING
PIECE OF JOURNALISM.
228
00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:02,506
DAMN. I BET YOU BURT IS
GREETING HIS GUESTS RIGHT NOW.
229
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:04,842
I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE'RE GONNA MISS IT.
230
00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:07,178
I WON'T ACCEPT IT.
231
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,518
OH, EXCUSE ME. OH, OFFICER.
232
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:18,689
A GRIEVOUS INJUSTICE HAS BEEN
PERPETRATED AGAINST MY FRIENDS AND ME.
233
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,458
WE ARE TOTALLY INNOCENT.
234
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,061
WE'RE JUST THREE
HELPLESS FEMALES,
235
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:28,466
DESPERATELY IN NEED OF A BIG
STRONG STRAPPING MAN LIKE YOURSELF.
236
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:35,706
OOH, WHAT CUTE EARRINGS.
237
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:38,809
DID YOU REALLY THINK
YOU COULD GET US OUT
238
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,744
BY FLIRTING WITH THAT GUARD?
239
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:43,247
- YES, IF HE'D BEEN A MAN.
- SURE.
240
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:47,318
IT'S ALWAYS A MAN WITH YOU.
MEN AND SEX, SEX AND MEN.
241
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:50,421
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH BEING CAREER-ORIENTED.
242
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:55,493
IT'S YOUR OVERACTIVE SEX
DRIVE THAT GOT US INTO THIS MESS.
243
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:58,930
WHO PICKS A HOTEL
BECAUSE OF ALL THE MEN?
244
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:05,903
JUST GET OFF MY BACK. YOU THINK
I'M HAPPY ABOUT BEING ARRESTED?
245
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:08,706
YOU THINK I'M HAPPY ABOUT
MISSING BURT REYNOLDS
246
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,809
OR ABOUT BEING LOCKED
UP WITH THIS GUTTER TRASH?
247
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,078
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
248
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,115
OH... WHAT CUTE EARRINGS.
249
00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:20,818
NOBODY CALLS ME NAMES.
250
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,222
COME ON, I'LL LET YOU
HAVE THE FIRST PUNCH.
251
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:26,257
PUNCH? HEAVENS.
252
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,325
FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT.
253
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,728
FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!
254
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:33,030
YOU CUT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW.
255
00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:34,999
I'M GONNA TEAR YOU APART.
256
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,735
FIGHT, FIGHT,
FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!
257
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:40,037
LISTEN... YOU PUNK!
258
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:44,208
YOU WANNA FIGHT,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGHT ME.
259
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:47,512
BUT I WARN YOU, I
DID TIME IN ATTICA.
260
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,414
ATTICA'S A MEN'S PRISON.
261
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:54,485
I KNOW. I WAS THERE A YEAR
BEFORE THEY FOUND OUT.
262
00:15:56,923 --> 00:16:00,357
SORRY, CHIEF. I DIDN'T MEAN
TO RUFFLE YOUR FEATHERS.
263
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:04,628
OH, DOROTHY. THAT
WAS MAGNIFICENT.
264
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,864
HOW DID YOU EVER PULL THAT OFF?
265
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,868
I WORK IN THE PUBLIC SCHOOL
SYSTEM. IT'S NOT THAT DIFFERENT.
266
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:17,641
OH, BLANCHE. I'M SORRY I
YELLED AT YOU. I APOLOGIZE.
267
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,910
DON'T YOU WORRY.
WE'RE ALL ON EDGE.
268
00:16:20,012 --> 00:16:22,713
THIS IS THE BIGGEST
DISAPPOINTMENT OF MY LIFE.
269
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,248
YES.
270
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,917
AND I'VE KNOWN SOME REAL
DISAPPOINTMENT, BELIEVE ME.
271
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:33,090
YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL US THAT STORY
ABOUT THE EXPLODING PIG AGAIN, ARE YOU?
272
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:36,794
I NEVER TOLD YOU A STORY
ABOUT AN EXPLODING PIG, DOROTHY.
273
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,197
IT WAS A PEG-LEGGED PIG.
274
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:46,003
OUR POSSUM WAS THE
ONE THAT EXPLODED.
275
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:52,009
FORGIVE ME, ROSE. THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY
POSSUM EXPLOSIONS, IT'S HARD TO KEEP TRACK.
276
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:55,079
SO WHAT WAS THIS GREAT
DISAPPOINTMENT IN YOUR LIFE?
277
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:58,115
BUTTER. I WANTED
TO BE BUTTER QUEEN.
278
00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:00,752
AW, YEAH. WHAT AN ACTRESS.
279
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:04,088
SHE WAS SO GOOD IN
GONE WITH THE WIND.
280
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:09,793
I WANTED TO BE MISS
OLIVIA DE HAVILLAND MYSELF.
281
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:12,696
- BLANCHE, ARE YOU LISTENING?
- BITS AND PIECES.
282
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,632
GO ON, ROSE.
283
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,234
WELL, BUTTER QUEEN WAS
OUR TOWN'S HIGHEST HONOR.
284
00:17:17,336 --> 00:17:20,504
FROM THE TIME I WAS BORN
MY FOLKS GROOMED ME FOR IT.
285
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:24,008
SINGING LESSONS, DANCING
LESSONS, JUNIOR BUTTER PAGEANTS.
286
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:28,779
FOR 16 YEARS MY ENTIRE LIFE
REVOLVED AROUND BUTTER.
287
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:34,152
YOU WERE VERY FORTUNATE. SO
MANY OF US WASTED OUR YOUTH.
288
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,989
WHEN THE TIME CAME FOR
THE PAGEANT, I WAS INCREDIBLE.
289
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:41,125
I SHOWED POISE IN THE
EVENING-GOWN COMPETITION.
290
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,828
I WAS BRILLIANT IN
THE BUTTER QUIZ.
291
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:48,232
THEY COULDN'T EVEN TRIP ME UP
WITH A TRICK MARGARINE QUESTION.
292
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:51,669
THAT EVENING BUTTER
WAS SPELT R-O-S-E.
293
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:55,639
ROSE, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING
YOURSELF. PLEASE DON'T GO ON.
294
00:17:55,741 --> 00:18:00,044
I HAVE TO. I'VE KEPT THESE BITTER
BUTTER MEMORIES TOO LONG.
295
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,648
AS THE PAGEANT DREW
TO ITS FRENZIED FINALE,
296
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,351
THERE I WAS, ALONGSIDE
THE OTHER TWO FINALISTS,
297
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:09,186
CHURNING MY GUTS OUT.
298
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:14,158
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, FOR NO
APPARENT REASON, MY CHURN JAMMED.
299
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,527
- OH, NO.
- YES.
300
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:19,597
AND JUST LIKE THAT, IT WAS OVER.
301
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,766
I'D LOST.
302
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:25,503
IT WAS THE BIGGEST
DISAPPOINTMENT IN MY LIFE.
303
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:29,239
IT WAS SMALL CONSOLATION
TO FIND OUT, YEARS LATER,
304
00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:33,076
THERE HAD BEEN
CHURN-TAMPERING INVOLVED.
305
00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:37,681
BLANCHE. ROSE, WE'RE GOING
TO THE OTHER END OF THE CELL.
306
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,584
DON'T CROSS THIS LINE.
307
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:51,161
DID I HEAR YOU SAY THAT
YOU WERE FROM ST OLAF?
308
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:54,298
- YES.
- I'M FROM ST GUSTAF.
309
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,467
WE'RE NEIGHBORS. MY NAME'S MEG.
310
00:18:57,569 --> 00:19:01,005
I'M ROSE. WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE, MEG?
311
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:03,841
I WAS ARRESTED FOR
BEING A HOOKER, LIKE YOU.
312
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,944
I'M NOT A HOOKER. I WAS
ARRESTED BY MISTAKE.
313
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,747
THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS
TELL THE JUDGE, TOO.
314
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,583
HOW DID YOU GET
MIXED UP IN THIS?
315
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,618
I DON'T KNOW.
316
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,553
THINGS WERE BAD AT HOME.
317
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,555
I ENDED UP IN MIAMI.
318
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,625
IT JUST... HAPPENED.
319
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,826
NOTHING COULD BE
BAD ENOUGH AT HOME
320
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:26,297
FOR YOU TO END UP
DOING... WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
321
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,700
I DON'T NEED A LECTURE.
322
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:32,569
BUT YOU CAN'T BE
HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE.
323
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:36,607
- I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.
- IF YOU EVER WANNA TALK,
324
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,743
YOU KNOW, NEIGHBOR
TO NEIGHBOR, I'M HERE.
325
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,784
- OH!
- MA, THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.
326
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:49,486
ARRESTED FOR PROSTITUTION.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
327
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,288
SOPHIA.
328
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:52,990
SOPHIA, WE'RE INNOCENT.
329
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:57,628
HOW CAN THESE COPS THINK ANYONE
WOULD PAY TO SLEEP WITH YOU?
330
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,769
SOPHIA, DID YOU
COME TO BAIL US OUT?
331
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:09,740
NO, ROSE, SHE'S DROPPING
OFF A MANICOTTI WITH A FILE IN IT.
332
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,709
WE'RE GONNA SEE BURT AFTER ALL.
333
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,745
I THOUGHT THESE TICKETS
WERE GONNA GO TO WASTE.
334
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:17,281
WHICH ONE OF YOU ISN'T GOING?
335
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:23,053
WELL... I'M THE ONE
WHO WON THE TICKETS.
336
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:25,322
IT'S MY MOM WHO'S
BAILING US OUT.
337
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:28,726
I LOST BUTTER QUEEN.
HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?
338
00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:31,729
- WE'LL DRAW STRAWS.
- NO.
339
00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:33,797
- WE'LL FLIP A COIN.
- NO.
340
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,199
SOPHIA, NOW TRY AND
BE UNDERSTANDING.
341
00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:40,537
UNDERSTANDING? I CAME TO BAIL
YOU OUT AND YOU WON'T LET ME GO?
342
00:20:40,639 --> 00:20:43,607
MA, STOP COMPLAINING
AND GET US OUT OF HERE.
343
00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:46,043
WHERE ARE YOUR
ROOMMATES, MRS PETRILLO?
344
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:48,178
- THEY'RE NOT HERE.
- MA!
345
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:52,015
DON'T "MA" ME, YOU CHEAP FLOOZY.
346
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:55,553
MA, YOU WOULD DO THIS TO
YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD?
347
00:20:55,655 --> 00:21:01,358
YOU'LL GET OVER IT. IF YOU DON'T, WHO
CARES? I'M OFF TO SEE BURT REYNOLDS.
348
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:14,071
AND THEN, YOU'RE
GONNA LOVE THIS,
349
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:17,608
DOM DELUISE INSISTS I
TELL BURT THE STORY.
350
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:20,044
SOPHIA, I DON'T
WANNA HEAR ANY MORE.
351
00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:24,748
NOT EVEN THE PART WHERE BURT
AND DOM INSISTED I TELL IT TO LONI?
352
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:27,884
THAT'S IT. I DON'T WANNA
HEAR ANOTHER WORD.
353
00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:29,786
CINDERELLA'S BACK FROM THE BALL
354
00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:32,389
AND HER WICKED
ROOMMATES ARE JEALOUS.
355
00:21:35,694 --> 00:21:40,164
WE ARE NOT JEALOUS, MA. WE
ARE ANGRY. YOU LEFT US IN JAIL.
356
00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:43,467
I SENT BAIL MONEY. YOU
WERE OUT AN HOUR LATER.
357
00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:48,972
THAT WAS ABOUT THE TIME I WAS NIBBLING
A GIANT SHRIMP OUT OF JERRY REED'S HAND.
358
00:21:49,074 --> 00:21:52,342
YOU'RE MAKING THIS
UP JUST TO RUB IT IN.
359
00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:54,578
YOU HAVE NEVER MET THESE PEOPLE.
360
00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:59,083
JEALOUSY IS A VERY
UGLY THING, DOROTHY.
361
00:21:59,185 --> 00:22:01,718
AND SO ARE YOU IN
ANYTHING BACKLESS.
362
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:15,765
I'VE DECIDED THAT LAST NIGHT WAS A BIGGER
DISAPPOINTMENT THAN LOSING BUTTER QUEEN.
363
00:22:15,868 --> 00:22:18,802
- DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?
- NO.
364
00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:24,808
MEG! COME IN.
365
00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:26,744
I CAN'T, MY TAXI'S WAITING.
366
00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:30,213
I JUST WANTED TO STOP
BY AND SAY THANK YOU.
367
00:22:30,315 --> 00:22:33,684
- FOR WHAT?
- FOR CONVINCING ME TO GO HOME.
368
00:22:33,786 --> 00:22:36,052
I FIGURED I'D GIVE
IT ANOTHER TRY.
369
00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:38,388
OH, THAT'S GREAT!
370
00:22:39,058 --> 00:22:41,025
WHAT WAS IT I SAID?
371
00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:42,426
NOTHING.
372
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:47,531
I DIDN'T WANNA BE YOUR AGE
AND STILL BE IN THE BUSINESS.
373
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:53,103
WELL, GOOD LUCK.
374
00:22:58,477 --> 00:23:00,710
I'VE NEVER FELT SO GOOD...
375
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,815
AND SO CHEAP IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
376
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:10,220
AT LEAST SOMETHING GOOD
CAME OUT OF THAT HORRIBLE NIGHT.
377
00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:19,863
HELLO.
378
00:23:36,949 --> 00:23:39,483
- SOPHIA AROUND?
- OH, HI, BURT.
379
00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:46,389
- HOW ABOUT A LITTLE LUNCH?
- HOW ABOUT A BIG LUNCH?
380
00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:48,659
MY GOD.
381
00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:50,661
YOU'RE MR BURT REYNOLDS.
382
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:54,264
I HOPE SO, OTHERWISE I GOT
THE WRONG UNDERWEAR ON.
383
00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:56,733
- THESE YOUR ROOMMATES?
- YEAH.
384
00:23:56,836 --> 00:23:59,670
- WHICH ONE'S THE SLUT?
- I AM.
30748
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