Original subtitles

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All right.

What's up now?

So, you don't like that brand either?

Come.

"These exquisite pieces of chicken, free-range chicken,

enriched with mineral salts and vitamins

are the ideal diet for your cat."

It says so here.

You're spoiled rotten.

Ham constipates.

And then come the crying and the gnashing of teeth.

There's a lot of hunger in the world.

Or don't you watch TV?

All those starving people

would love to find a can like this one.

Yes?

Tell me, sweetheart. How are you?

Of course.

What do you mean you're not coming?

Ah!

At the gas station at kilometer fourteen.

And what's going on at that gas station?

Yes.

Okay. At half past twelve, road to la Coruña,

kilometer fourteen.

See you later, honey.

More hysterical every day. Must be menopause.

One day I'll show her the door.

I know what you want.

Come here.

You need to poop, right?

That must be the community manager.

I'm sure he wants to get paid.

Hello. Are you Juan Peñasco Palanca?

Yes, can I help you?

Do you remember Caty?

Caty?

-Caty from Catalina? -Caty, from Alicia Alonso's ballet.

Holy crap! Of course, Caty, Cuban, a dancer.

-Fuck, what a long time ago. -She's my mom.

And…

-Does she remember me? -Of course.

How can she not remember, if you're my father?

No shit.

Wait a minute. What do you mean you're staying in Spain?

Well, in Cuba there are many good people and I'd never become an Olympian.

But my marks are better than those of Spanish women.

I become Spanish, win a few races and join the Spanish team.

Becoming Spanish is not so easy.

Hey, can you give me that spoon, the one next to the TV, please.

I have a high instep and

without a shoehorn it's very difficult.

Thank you.

Look, my mother inquired at the embassy.

If you acknowledge me as your daughter, there's no problem.

Nothing to eat around here?

No, there's nothing to eat because I hardly ever eat here.

I eat in restaurants.

Let's get one thing straight.

Look, what happened between your mom and I

was wonderful.

Yes, it was.

But ephemeral, momentary.

The proof is that it's been a long time since we've been in touch.

She wrote you a lot, but all her letters were returned.

Yes, address changes,

I'm sure.

But,

they're waiting for me, I'm going to be late.

Why don't you go back to the hotel with your team?

I can't.

-Why not? -I escaped at Barajas.

The others must be halfway over the ocean by now.

Well, take the next plane then.

Besides, I was wondering a while ago,

how did you find me?

I don't really know.

I think my mom… A friend gave her the address.

But if you don't want me to stay, I'll leave.

Now they'll repatriate me and kick me off the team.

And to hell with my sports career.

No dramas.

I've already gone through mine.

Well,

you can stay.

But you can see how I live, alone with my cat.

Tomorrow you're going to a hostel.

Thanks, daddy.

Here, take this.

Here's some money.

There's a supermarket around the corner and you can buy something to eat.

I don't know, ham, fruit, cheese, whatever.

Here's the key.

-But tomorrow you're going to a hostel. -Yes, daddy.

Oh, if you buy ham, don't give it to the cat.

He likes it a lot, but it makes him ill. He gets constipated, you know?

-What's his name? -Manolo.

And you?

Caty, like my mother.

Caty.

But tomorrow you're going to a hostel.

Hello, darling. What's going on, why all the mystery?

Juan, my husband knows everything.

-What are you saying? -For both our sakes,

-Juan, we have to end it. -Sweetheart.

I'll never forget how happy we were, but…

-Listen… -Impossible.

-He could kill us, especially you. -Stop for a minute, damn it.

He could kill us, especially you. I don't want you killed.

-A kiss Juan, and I'm going. -No, don't do that to me.

What am I going to do without you? What do I do?

Find someone else, fall in love, be happy.

I'm not like that.

I don't go from flower to flower. You're my one and only love.

Ha!

What do you mean by "Ha!"?

Do you know what your true love has cost me?

What's that?

-You wrote it all down? -Yes, even your quickies. Want to see?

[in Latin] Viperam sub ala nutricare!

-Stop talking Latin, this is not the time. -I'll tell you in Spanish.

All this time I've been feeding my heart to a viper!

I beg you, darling, forgive me! I'm going through a crisis.

I know, especially in bed. But sex isn't the most important, right?

No?

-Feelings. -Ha!

You don't care of course, because you're a nymphomaniac.

Okay, I'm a nymphomaniac and you're impotent.

Tell me why we should stay together.

It's over, Juan.

Here's half a million.

Give me back my pictures and I'll give you another half, okay?

Hello? Madam…

Do you know what that man said?

This is a monkey, not a man. Come on, you have to stop drinking.

Yes, you're right.

This monkey, whose name was Darwin, said that man descended from the monkey.

What he didn't say is what evil beast woman descends from.

You're a chauvinist.

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, gentlemen!

Women!

Madam!

-Another glass of Monkey Anisette! -Well…

Good evening, Don Juan.

Don Juan.

Tenorio.

I was bored so I fixed all this up a bit. It needed it.

You shouldn't have tidied up anything.

I have my order in my disorder.

What, you are is plastered.

I mean, you do a lot of drinking.

True.

I overdid it a little.

But I got some really bad news.

Well, tell me about it later.

Now go take a shower, dinner will be ready in ten minutes.

Everything's great, you'll have to give me the recipe.

Well, you take the pork fillets,

pound them well, add some garlic and orange juice.

But the market had no sour orange so I made it with a little lemon.

Which isn't the same thing, of course.

You're a gem.

And what's wrong with you? The pains of love?

No.

Did you lose a trial?

A trial?

Yes, my mother told me you were a lawyer.

Ah yes, but I don't practice.

And what do you do?

Well, a bit of everything. Here and there.

Public relations.

Excuse me, but I'm going to make your bed,

for tonight.

-But tomorrow you go to a hostel. -Yes, daddy.

-Don't call me daddy. -No, daddy.

To a hostel.

Yes, Manolo, that's what he thinks.

-Hey, does your mother still dance? -No, now she has a Paradar.

-What's that? -A private restaurant.

She taught me to cook.

Could you lend me something to wear?

It's just that all my clothes left with the team.

Look,

I don't like you walking around the house naked.

-But I'm not naked. -And I'm not your father.

My mother's not a whore, do you hear?

Hey, Caty…

Forgive me please, Caty.

It's just…

I don't feel like I'm your father.

I'll get used to it, won't I?

-Hey, are you listening to me? -Yes, daddy.

Why don't we go tomorrow

to the Corte Inglés to buy you some clothes?

Okay?

You're a good man, daddy.

SALES. THE BEST OF THE SUMMER.

Sir, La Farola.

Madam, La Farola.

Hey, I've decided you're not going to a hostel.

Until you get your residence permit.

Acknowledge me as your daughter and I won't need it.

They told my mom at the embassy.

Well, nationality is a very complicated thing,

fraught with problems.

But with a residence permit you can start working and live on your own.

Now we're going to see a friend who'll help us.

-A lawyer? -No, a policeman.

My daughter Carmela's ex-husband.

Hey, you have another daughter?

Well, that's just life, isn't it?

So, another daughter.

And from abroad.

-Does Carmela know about this? -Why does she have to know?

And the inheritance?

If you acknowledge this young lady, Carmela will lose half of her inheritance.

-What inheritance, man? -That tobacco, don't even touch it!

I was being theoretical.

You may not have a place to drop dead, but you're a bastard and a bad father.

Because this guy is a bastard and a bad father.

Fuck, what manners.

Let me explain, Caty.

Pepe talks like that because he thinks I'm to blame for Carmela leaving him.

Pepe, no way.

To you, I am Sergeant of the Municipal Police Don José Cardoso Guimeraes.

I'd put this delinquent in jail without a moment's hesitation,

but I'm going to help you.

The mother country has always had very strong ties with its children overseas.

-Magaña! -At your orders!

You're going to take this young woman to Immigration

and help her obtain her residence permit.

Right away!

At your orders!

Well, thank you very much, my Sergeant.

Goodbye, Pepe.

-Did you see that? -What a motherfucker.

Shut up!

-I'm sorry. -No.

Well, go with the officer and tonight you can tell me what happened.

-Aren't you coming with me? -No.

I can't, I've got some pending business.

-Gentleman, take care of her. -Don't worry.

There's a gentleman here to see you. He says his name is Juan Peñasco Palanca.

No!

Hello.

How are you, my love?

What a question, eh?

Beautiful, as always.

Well, I was passing by, you know?

And I said to myself…

You said to yourself,

"Let's see if I can get some money out of that dumb Alicia."

Well, not a cent. And I'm no fool.

-You taught me to smarten up. -But what are you saying about money?

Look, I've got plenty.

What I'm looking for.

What I'm looking for, honey, is your forgiveness.

-We could start over, couldn't we? -So, Paulina left you.

Don't be so mean, Alicia.

Not exactly, I left her.

It's hard for me to tell you, but it's true.

I couldn't make love to her, I was constantly thinking about you.

My mind would block.

-Do you understand? -Yes.

And your dick, your mind, was blocked for three years.

Yes. I'm a scumbag, so what?

I love you. You turn me on. Here, touch me.

I get a horse's erection as soon as see you.

Pull out that erection so that I can cut it into slices, sucker.

Well…

I'm sorry to have bothered you

laying bare my feelings.

Listen,

are there any complete games?

Not for you.

But I don't want credit, I have money. Why can't I play?

Because you're a fool who always loses, dear.

This time you're wrong.

I have a hunch.

It's up to you.

In the blue room there's a table.

They started yesterday, try it.

Well, that's a plus for me, that way they'll be tired.

Alicia…

My God,

you're a delight.

Hey, beautiful, could you get me a glass of that Monkey Anisette?

-Good morning, Mr. Peñasco. -Good morning.

-Six hundred thousand a game, interested? -Yes.

While I wait for the cashier, give me some chips.

-How are you, Graciela? -Here are 800.

It's been a long time, right?

What a pleasure to feel cards again.

-The gentleman speaks. -Pass.

-Pass. -Bid.

Six hundred thousand total.

What's this?

Nothing, daddy. We were just talking.

Talking about what?

Yes, about the residence permit.

Do you think that's nice? I leave for a moment and…

The gun?

How shameless.

And while on duty.

And you, irresponsible.

What if I hadn't arrived on time?

Nothing. Or do you think I'm stupid?

That guy was so nice to me that I invited him for a beer.

Anything wrong with that?

-Hey, what about the residency permit? -Ah, very well.

The guy jumped the line and helped me file all the paperwork.

He also took me to a friend of his who's an athletics trainer,

How about that?

If I don't get here in time, she screws him out of gratitude.

So you've been here for seven years?

Seven, I came for a little while and I'm here for life.

And don't you want to go back?

Yes, it's just that I've been here for so long…

You know what I miss?

The Malecon.

Yes, very much.

They're already separated.

This is unbelievable!

No word for ages,

and now you show up with my 'sister' to ask for a job.

You're absolutely right, Carmela. I'm a bastard.

But as the classic saying goes,

-Quis amicior quam frater fratri? -What the hell does that mean?

Who's a better friend to a brother than his brother?

-Does she have papers? -Well, we've just applied for residency.

And how funny, thanks to Pepe, she'll get it.

Don't even mention that son of a bitch to me!

Okay, you're absolutely right.

How wonderful, I'm going to be a grandfather.

Stop it!

Hey… Who's the father?

Who's it going to be?

-Tony. -Tony.

I can't believe it.

Yeah, because you're a wimp.

Just so you know, Tony is much more of a man than Pepe,

and you.

Than both of you together.

Look, I can't hire her without papers.

But honey, for God's sake, what am I going to do with that poor girl?

I'm completely broke.

You know what?

Paulina left me.

Fuck.

And what will you do now?

Because at your age,

where can you find another asshole to support you?

That's the real problem.

What about working, have you ever thought about it?

At my age?

But what a beauty!

-Do you like it? -You're beautiful, girl. You…

-Yes, Tony is an artist. -Ah!

-Always modest. -Modesty aside, an artist.

-Well? -Phenomenal.

Don't worry about the residence permit.

With these marks the Federation will get her Spanish nationality in no time.

Great, but the Federation has to deal with me, as I'm her agent.

A gazelle!

The coach says you're a gazelle. So, keep training.

I've got to earn a living.

-And how do I go? -By bus.

Which one do I take?

Well, a bus that leaves you at Plaza de España.

Here.

Keep training! Great to meet you!

Don't listen to him, I'll take you on my bike.

FOR THE ATTENTION OF MR. POZUETA.

IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR WIFE TO APPEAR IN THE TABLOIDS…

Here sir, La Farola.

Damn, that's hard!

Here sir, La Farola.

-Hello. -Hello.

This is for Mr. Pozueta.

-I'll give it to him. -Yes, but hand it to him personally.

-Don't worry, I will. -It's urgent.

-Yes, I'll give it to him right away. -Thank you.

Oh, how nice! Oh, how nice! Oh, papito!

Mr. Pozueta's office.

Sorry…

What the hell! Again? And with another one?

Daddy, this is different, I really like Carlos.

In my own bed!

You tell him, Carlos. Tell him we've fallen in love.

Well, yes…

Well, get married and fuck in your own bed like everybody else.

-Come on, out! -Yes, I was just leaving.

Carlos!

Carlos, wait.

And now the door!

Yes?

Juan Peñasco?

Yes, that's me, what's wrong?

But… I… Hey, please!

Not a word!

No, Caty, daughter!

Daddy?

Daddy?

-How strange, it looks like he's gone. -And me, in case he comes back.

See you tomorrow.

Fuck!

Fucking Peñasco.

As smart as you are,

what made you think you'd get ten grand out of me with these little things?

Sorry, but the originals are in a safe.

Have you ever had a rat up your ass?

A live rat, I mean.

And without anesthesia.

I stick a rat up your ass and you'll bring me the originals on a silver platter.

And framed, mind you.

What do you want to drink?

Anything.

But if you've got Monkey Anisette…

I've got everything, asshole.

Those who are too greedy end up with nothing, Peñasco.

Why didn't you settle for what Paulina offered you?

But how do you know?

I know everything, Peñasquito.

So you knew

that Paulina and I were having an affair?

From the first day.

-Cheers. -Cheers.

And you didn't mind?

I'm a man of the times, Peñasco.

While she was having fun with you, she left me alone.

So if you didn't mind,

why did she leave me?

Excuse me for getting involved in things that are none of my business, but…

You didn't water her properly, Peñasquito.

Look,

you're unemployed and I need people like you.

Well, thank you very much.

People with your moral character, I mean.

Look, I have a small problem.

I might get thrown in jail.

Just for a matter of hours, a couple of days,

until the judge sets bail and my lawyer pays it.

Thing is I'm dealing with a case in which millions are at stake.

If they put me in jail, the business could go to hell.

Of course.

Imagine the effect it would have on my partners.

Yes, of course.

Sorry.

Would you do me the favor of going to jail for me?

Come on, Mr. Pozueta, don't ask me that.

Okay, not another word.

You'd rather I shove the rat up your ass.

Girondo!

You called me?

Your signature

or the rat.

My signature.

-You put this one on my payroll. -Yes, sir.

-Here's my card. -Thank you.

Come on, Peñasquito, make a career out of it, it's your life.

Another signature here.

I see that you have a notary's signature, very elegant.

Seriously, I like it very much. It's very aesthetic.

Would you be so kind as to give me your ID card?

Hey, what are my chances of going to jail?

At the moment, I'm afraid very good.

The problems of coexistence are back.

This time in Terrasa, Barcelona, the Can Anglada district.

Twenty thousand people live there.

Ten percent are immigrants from North Africa.

Last night, during a demonstration, stores of Moroccan citizens stores were stoned.

It started last Sunday with a fight during the main neighborhood festival.

It was the starting point of what followed.

Daddy, I was worried.

-Shall I heat up your dinner? -Hello, daughter.

Since you were late, I already had dinner.

No, I'm not hungry.

Are you mad at me?

No, I'm not.

It's business, you know?

Manolo's been complaining for a while.

-What? -Yes, I don't know what's wrong.

He probably hasn't peed, that often happens.

His urethra gets inflamed.

-That comes with age. -Poor thing.

-You really don't want dinner? -No, honey.

Shall I make you some tea?

I've already had tea.

Here, hold on.

Yes?

Oh, it's you.

Great, that's all I needed.

No, I'm happy.

Which medical center did you say?

Okay, I'll go tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

Carmela, she's had the baby.

Look at that sunshine!

Hey,…

-Hold her. -But she's got your eyes.

Right?

-Careful. -Can I?

Yes, you'd better, because I know very little about this.

What a beautiful thing, mommy.

-Are you going to breastfeed? -Of course.

-Especially at the beginning. -Damn, you've made me a grandfather.

Let's see if you'll settle down once and for all.

Hey, come here.

I've got this nagging feeling, you know.

-Would you mind if I ask you a question? -No, go ahead.

Well,

the baby,

is she really yours?

Hey, tough guy, who do you think you are? I'm bisexual.

You don't know what a weight you're taking off my shoulders.

-The baby girl. -No, Manolo, the cat.

I'm taking him to the vet because the poor thing can't pee.

Poor animal.

Well, she'll get big and screw people left and right.

Kids screw?

-Well,… -You start very young there, don't you?

No, not screwing, I mean playing.

Here, my present. I nearly forgot.

A bankbook with 25,000 pesetas.

That way you can teach her the virtue of saving.

Thanks, Dad.

Come on, daughter.

Don't worry, we'll get there.

Well, I'd stay, but I have a training session.

-Ciao. -Go train.

Thanks for coming.

Let me take her. A kiss.

And another one for you.

Where did he get this money?

Well, he must have found another old lady.

No, I know him. The poor guys broke.

-Easy. -Please, it's my first.

We'll see you now.

If he doesn't pee soon, his bladder will burst.

And if his bladder bursts, he'll get peritonitis.

-We have to go to the vet right away. -But I can't, I have to train.

-Well, take that cab. -Okay.

-Good luck and see you later. -Bye, daddy!

-Is anybody inside? -A lady with a dog.

-Has she been in there long? -A little.

Hey girl, would you let me go first? My cat's in bad shape. Can you hear him?

Okay, if you give me a hundred pesetas.

Well, you start early.

Here.

Hey.

How nice, a carp.

-A piranha. -Fuck!

Remember, five drops at every meal.

-Okay. -All right, see you Friday.

Next!

-Where's Don Hilario? -Don Hilario's on vacation. Come in.

-What's his name? -Manolo.

And he can't pee. It's happened before.

Old age.

Okay, here it is.

Well, don't worry, we'll fix that right away.

-You hold him. -All right, Manolito.

Be careful.

Last time he almost cost Don Hilario an eye.

Don't worry. Let's see, Manolo, where's that member?

Here it is. Oh, and what a member it is!

There we are.

No scratching whatsoever.

That's it, little cat.

He seems to prefer a woman's hand.

It's understandable. The same would happen to me.

But you don't need a catheter. Or do you?

Excuse me,

even though I shouldn't say this, my urinary tract works perfectly well.

And if I ever have problems,

it won't be Don Hilario who puts the catheter in.

You'd insert the catheter with those divine hands of yours that…

My piranha drowned.

… relieve any sick person. Whoa!

How about that, eh?

Oh, how nice!

No, wait a minute.

Wait for me!

Oh, you bitch, how nice!

What are you laughing about, honey?

It's the first time this happened to me in my life.

You with a face full of pee and the poor girl crying for her piranha.

What's wrong? Didn't you like me?

In bed, I mean.

-No, I liked you a lot. -So, what's wrong?

I'm in trouble.

Are you married?

No.

Financial problems.

It's just that

I asked the bank for a loan, you know,

to play the stock market and I lost it all.

The bank wants to take away my house.

I thought that maybe

if I had a guarantor…

And as you have

a stable business,

maybe you could lend it to me, right?

You're kidding me, right?

You want me to pay for a fuck?

Choirboy!

It was just a comment.

You're too old to go through life as a gigolo, kid!

No, don't get me wrong.

Look, you're not browbeating me, neither is your cat.

Come on, 50,000 pesetas.

Fifty thousand pesetas for what?

Well, for the consultation of this other golden cock.

Well, this is all a bit unpleasant.

Thank you.

I'll call you back. Here he comes.

-Juan Peñasco? -Yes, that's me.

Police.

There's a warrant for your arrest.

-Let's go. -But what about the cat?

I'll take it.

Tarsicio, If you'd be so kind, excuse me,

to give this card to my daughter.

Tell her to inform that man that I've been arrested.

-Don't worry. -Let's go.

No, not here, not in front of people, please.

Well!

Peñasco never told me he had a daughter as pretty as you.

Because you're really beautiful.

-Cheers! -Thank you.

But what about my father?

I can't believe a person as serious and formal as Peñasco got himself into a mess.

So Cuban…

You know, I've never met a Cuban lady before.

As a friend, you know what I mean?

Is it true that you're so temperamental?

-Yes! And my father? -Don't worry.

Tomorrow I send my lawyer, he pays the bail and he's out of there.

But you have to be good.

Do you study or work?

I run, sir.

Oh, you're going to run, doll.

Don't make a mistake with me, you fucking bastard!

Dwarf! I'll rip your balls off!

Fuck, how temperamental!

I'm going to go for her with all I've got.

Isn't freedom great?

Up to a point.

If I'm sentenced at trial, what will happen to me?

Tell me, you're such a good lawyer.

I'm sorry, but I don't speak unless my client is present.

Come in.

Damn!

Peñasco, how was jail?

Well, fine. Well, actually not good. But I…

We're going to eat. Do you like seafood?

-Yes, but… -Do you like it or not?

Of course I like it, a lot, especially barnacles.

-But if I'm convicted in a trial, what… -Girondo!

Who's going to convict you with Girondo as your lawyer?

Of course.

Tell him how many cases I have pending in court.

-As of today, 57. -Fifty-seven. And do I look worried?

Let's suppose that a trial takes place.

Who knows when that will be.

And that you're sentenced. Explain it to him.

You appeal, challenge the court, appeal, allege defects of form,

change lawyers, have appendicitis surgery if necessary. The point is to gain time.

And one day or another the statute of limitations expires. Understood?

You make it look so…

-But another thing, you promised me… -Call me by my first name!

After what you did for me, you and I are brothers.

Thank you very much, I'm very grateful.

But I wanted to remind you that you were going to put me on the payroll.

On the payroll! I'm going to make you rich, Peñasco.

But man, looking like that… Come on, get a shave.

Let's go.

Girondo, ask if the barnacles are fat. And if they are, book a table for three.

Very well.

You know, I'd like to invite your daughter to lunch.

My daughter, why?

I owe her an explanation.

The other night, when she came to see me… Well, you know what men are like.

I kind of lost my head.

It's just that she's so hot and I want to apologize.

Is that all right with you?

-Do you have any of this in Cuba? -Of course, we do.

But we don't have these bugs, what are they?

Barnacles. They're the best.

Eating a barnacle is like eating the sea, isn't it?

Yes, very well said, sir.

The bad thing is the uric acid.

The bad thing is a helping of whiting hake.

I remember when I was poor…

And some people say money doesn't bring happiness.

And it doesn't.

Did you hear that, Caty? How beautiful!

He says he's not happy.

You can't buy love with money, Peñasquito.

You know,

I'm very unhappy in my marriage.

-Yes? So why don't you get a divorce? -And what do I get?

Being even more lonely?

Besides, I'd have to give my wife a lot of money.

Millions of pesetas.

Of course, if I were to find true love…

You know how long it'd take me to get a divorce?

True love knows no limits.

[in Latin] Verus amor nullum novit habere modum.

Yes, of course, true love.

And wouldn't you ask me if I'm in love with you?

Well, now that you mention it,

would you fall in love with me?

But, to get married?

She doesn't beat around the bush.

Let's see, you as a father,

would you be willing to give me her hand?

Hypothetically? I'd be very happy to.

Hypothesis, no way.

You drive me crazy, girl. Come on, let's go.

Daddy…

I'm coming, daughter.

Nothing important.

Go on, let's go.

-Do you know how to drive? -No.

Well, this gentleman will teach you.

And the car is yours.

I've got it all under control Peñasquito!

-Really? -You shouldn't go training by bus.

Thank you, that's very sweet.

Shall we go?

Just a minute.

-Aren't you going to finish lunch first? -No!

What do you say?

[in Latin] Auro loquente, omnis sermo inanis est.

When gold speaks, all language is vain.

Did you study to be a priest or what?

Great!

People with a career is what I need.

Look, I'm thinking of making you mayor.

Mayor of where?

A village in the mountains.

There's a piece of land ideal for building one or two hundred villas.

But the town hall has it classified as rustic.

I could buy it for a bargain,

and then, when you're mayor,

you can requalify it and…

But, how can I become a mayor?

Leave it to me.

Get down here, dammit! Didn't I tell you I'd make you rich?

Yes, how nice.

-Excuse me. -Yes.

It's for me.

Excuse me. Yes! Tell me.

-My daughter? -Let me…

No, it's another daughter I have. She's made me a grandfather.

-I'll wait for you inside. -Tell me, daughter.

Ah, but why do I have to go?

Marchioness?

You have beautiful hair, Marchioness.

-It's nice to work with hair like that. -Thank you very much.

-Tell me, what's your name? -Tony, with a "y".

They say we're as old as our arteries.

Nonsense! We're as old as our hair.

And yours, if I may say so, is that of a twenty-year-old.

You may, Tony. I love to be flattered.

Oh no, Madam, I'm talking as a professional.

Well, even better, keep going!

-Well, what do you think? -A little old, isn't she?

Dad, please!

-What do you know about her? -Not much.

This is her first time here.

She must live in one of those villas down there.

Just look at the stones she's wearing.

But, daughter, I have a position.

-Don't make me laugh. -Yes, with a financier.

-I have great responsibility. -Sure.

She told me she has no one.

Just imagine, your smooth-talking, the way you carry yourself…

It's just a little short. If it were longer, you'd look even better.

You should have known me when I was twenty.

Blonde and with a braid that reached my ass.

-And what an ass! -The things you say, My Lady!

Even the Guardia Civil would whistle at me, I won't say more.

-Are you pleased, My Lady? -Well, Tony is wonderful.

-Oh, and this beautiful girl? -My daughter, and this is my father.

At your feet, My Lady.

So young and already a grandfather?

Modestly.

-Please. -Nice to meet you.

Hey man, I finished picking up the curlers, now what do I do?

-Sweep, dear. -At your orders.

I'd like to book for Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, all right?

Yes, My Lady.

I'm leaving too. I'll accompany you, Madame.

-Very kind of you. -See you soon, Tony! Bye, daughter!

-This way. -Goodbye.

-Thank you, My Lady. -Goodbye, dad!

Do you mind if I call you by your first name?

I'd love it.

What a fool.

-Know what he said? -What?

That she's too old.

Fuck, what about him?

EL BUEN REPOSO RETIREMENT HOME

No, the cane isn't to help me walk,

It's because since Franco died, the streets are unsafe.

But who has the balls to assault me?

-I'll knock him stiff. -Allow me, my dear.

As I was telling you, since my husband died, may he rest in peace,

the palace's been too much for me.

So many memories and so many expenses.

Because you can't imagine

how much it costs to support a household of twenty people,

the butler, the gardener, the maids, the cook…

-A fortune! -A shitload!

-What's your name? -My name's Juan.

Well, a shitload and a bit more, Juan!

What a woman!

So, I closed the Palace and since I never liked hotel life, I came here.

A wonderful residence,

a doctor twenty-four hours a day, a chaplain and a five-star cook.

Sorry, I just remembered I have to go to the dentist.

And it's not that I feel old, by God, by all means.

I still have my period, a very abundant one.

Congratulations but my dentist is waiting.

Do you like dry martinis?

We have a bartender who makes a divine dry martini.

He's the one who used to make them for that movie director,

what's his name?

The one from Aragon who liked to play the drums.

Ah, Luis Buñuel, at Easter.

-Yes! -But I have to go to the dentist.

-Let's have some martinis! -No, what I like is Monkey Anisette.

You can invite me another day.

It's been a real pleasure but the dentist won't wait.

Oh, my God, you're divine!

-Thank you. -Goodbye, Juan!

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Cut!

For fuck's sake!

You can't run so slowly! You have to run with more joy.

Like this, smiling and with your chest out.

-With my boobs out? -No, not your boobs.

Your chest, smiling.

-Do you agree? -Okay.

Okay, honey, let's do it again!

But what's going on here?

Take it easy, man.

What's Caty doing?

Some guys came and said they wanted to give her a test.

They've been here for three hours.

-A film test? -What else?

-And you don't like it. -Well, no.

-You're a little jealous, aren't you? -It's not jealousy.

But if they like and hire her, she'll leave me for sure.

-You're absolutely right about that. -Daddy!

Just a moment, please.

Did you see? They're auditioning me for the movies!

-Of course, Pozueta Productions. -Pozueta is a film producer?

If it's necessary to get you into bed, he will be.

All right, everyone to the front.

I'm starting to like that son of a bitch.

We can continue.

Get ready to launch the play-back!

What did she say?

She's leaving you for sure.

I'm sorry, son.

But I told you so.

Well, if you can't pay, kill yourself! Jump out the window!

Goodbye!

Easy, isn't it?

Very easy.

What you want is for me to hand you Caty on a platter.

-But, Peñasco… -Not Peñasco, no way. I can't do that.

I have great respect for you as a father.

You may not believe it,

but I've got a big crush on your girl.

-Anisette, right? -Monkey anisette.

-Here. -Thank you.

Listen to what I'm telling you.

For Caty, I'd tell my wife to fuck off.

But what are you saying.

The thing is that if I ask that bitch for a divorce, she won't give it to me.

What a bitch!

Sorry.

-Would you help me? -Man, I…

Take this key.

It's a copy of the key to the apartment where she's now seeing your replacement.

Because Paulina has a new pimp.

Black, by the way.

Well,

about Paulina and me…

Our thing, it was sentimental.

Yes, but subsidized.

Look, with this key, you surprise them in bed,

you record it on video,

and with that video I can shut up my wife in front of the judge.

Don't you understand?

The judge declares her guilty and grants me a divorce on the spot.

And you save on alimony and all that, right?

That's it!

But…

Well, what I don't understand is why I have to do that job?

Who better than you? First, you make your daughter happy.

Second, you take revenge on Paulina.

Third, you don't make me waste my time because I'm really busy.

Something else…

Tell me.

Is the part about working in the movies true?

I'm talking about Caty.

If it works, why not?

I already signed an exclusive for her, I may even get some money out of it.

-Tell me you love me. -Yes, I love you.

-But tell me for real. -Really, I love you.

-Will you always love me? -Yes, forever.

Oh, my little hunk.

Hey, what's wrong? Why are you stopping?

Why don't you keep going?

Bastard! You want to blackmail me like the other one?

No, that must be your husband's doing.

You son of a bitch!

-Tell me you love me. -Yes, I love you.

-But tell me for real. -Really, I love you.

-Will you always love me? -Yes, forever.

-So, is there a case or no case? -There is a case.

You get divorced for nothing, not a peseta.

And then we can ask for damages.

-What for? -We'll figure that out later.

Do you realize, Peñasco? It's all for your daughter.

Turn off the light.

Why?

-Just turn it off, it's a surprise. -But why?

Here it is!

You can turn it on now.

Today's my mother's birthday.

Of course!

What a liar. You didn't remember.

Well, just so you know,

the day you went to Toledo my mother turned twenty.

Twenty?

-She didn't tell me. -She did tell you.

And you took her to the river.

What was the name of that river?

The Tagus. That's true!

She says that's where you won her over.

I remember perfectly.

I made her put her hand in the water and I said,

"Squeeze the heart of Spain!"

She was always very romantic.

And I'm a bit of a poet.

Let's call her on the phone.

No, because you can't call with a cell phone.

And why don't you have a normal phone?

I had a little problem with the phone company and they cut it off.

Yeah, for non-payment. It doesn't matter.

We can call her from the phone booth downstairs.

No, that's more complicated

I mean, we need coins.

Hey, daddy! We can get change at the bar on the corner.

Come on, let's go!

Mom! A man who's swimming in money gave me a car.

Of course he wants to get married, but he has to get divorced first.

What?

-If we're marrying in a church? -Pozueta's very right-wing.

He says he's very Catholic.

Yes. No, don't worry.

Until I get married, I'm not getting into bed with him.

Yes. Handsome?

Well… Not handsome, very interesting.

Well, he's not handsome, but he is interesting.

Mom, how can I be in love with him?

Of course, that's what I think.

Of course.

-What's she saying? -That love comes later.

-Always, of course. -Yeah.

Well, a kiss, I'll put him on. Okay, Happy birthday, ciao.

How are you, Caty?

It's been a long time!

[in Latin] Agnosco veteris vestigia flammae.

That means "I recognize the traces of the ancient fire".

How's life, my love?

Are you comfortable, my little kitten?

-Yes, I'm comfortable, little bastard. -Hey.

Come, I want to show you something.

-What's that? -Oh, you'll see.

I'm going to show you a little something.

It's a surprise.

Come!

-But what is it? -You'll see.

Come on upstairs.

-Come on! -But…

You'll see. Come on.

Yes, Richard…

-Let's take a nap. -A nap?

A lamb's nap.

-But we haven't eaten. -So what?

-Do you know what a lamb's nap is? -I really want to…

Those kids!

-…you know what I mean? -Excuse me.

Just listen to what… No, listen to me.

When you're Pozueta's friend, you're his friend forever.

But when you are Pozueta's enemy, you are in deep trouble, you know.

You know what Pozueta says in these cases? Let me tell you.

Pozueta says "you fucked up", you know.

See what a big bed?

I have other big things too.

Your titties.

-Show me your titties. -No, not my titties.

-Just let me see them. -Well, easy. Sit down.

-Let's see your hands. -Okay, no hands.

-No hands. -Quiet.

The other one. Show me the other one.

-I want them, they're mine. -No. Hey!

-No, what? But… -Your pussy.

No! No pussy until we get married.

-And what do I do with this until then? -Well, I can help you out if you want.

Do anything you want to me!

Fuck! She's just like me.

-Why'd you sell your car? -It was ready for the scrap heap.

-I'm telling you, I won't be your driver. -As soon as Pozueta pays me…

Come on, spray him till he's blind.

Over there! Spray him!

-Paulina's black guy. Hey, what's up? -Leave him blind!

Fuck you, you motherfucker!

-Daddy! -What did he do to my eyes?

Aah! What did he do? What happened to my eyes?

-What happened? -Nothing.

What's wrong with my eyes? I can't see!

Goodbye, you bastard!

What a son of a bitch! He made me blind!

Calm down.

-Nobulina! -What happened?

It was that black idiot of Paulina's!

She's poison. That woman's poison!

Oh! What a bitch.

I don't understand why she didn't spray Alex.

Alex? Who is Alex?

-Pozueta. -Ah.

Why didn't she spray Pozueta?

How do I know?

-She must have got her wires crossed. -Aren't you going to report her?

No, I don't like pressing charges.

Besides, I'm feeling better all the time.

Look, I can see.

I see perfectly. Hey, Manolo! See? Look. Hello, Manolo!

-And why didn't he spray me? -Well, I don't think Paulina knows you.

But if I live with him, she'll find out.

What?

So Pozueta, Alex, asked you to move in with him?

Yes.

He says that without pre-marital experience he won't get married.

And with premarital experience, even less.

You don't know me.

Yes, girl, I think I'm getting to know you.

But I don't want you to get hurt.

Come on, don't get serious, it doesn't look good on you.

Tomorrow we'll take our things and go to his house.

Awesome!

Of course we'll go.

That way I won't pay the five months' rent I owe.

Nothing, don't worry, I've got him by the balls.

No, he won't report us, I'm telling you.

Because I've got him by the balls, dammit!

[in Italian] Good morning!

Three hundred kilos, yes.

Well, that's what we tell him, then we'll see if we give it to him.

No shit! Don't use names, I'm using my cell phone!

That idiot doesn't know how easy it is to tap these gadgets.

He doesn't understand.

Can I let the cat out in the garden?

-What cat? -I'm asking because of the dogs.

Well, you're happy, aren't you? We've already moved in.

-Who's moved in? -Caty and I.

And the cat, of course.

No, not you!

You out.

You and the cat, out, off!

-Alex, please! -Don't call me Alex!

What's wrong with you, little bastard?

Who told you to bring this fantasizer here?

Hey, what do you mean? My father can't stay here with me?

-Exactly! -If he doesn't stay, neither will I.

Don't come to me with demands. That's enough, damn it!

-Sorry! -Let's go, daddy!

-Daughter, wait a minute. -Let's go!

Hey, Alex…

Daughter, wait!

Pozueta is right.

-I shouldn't have come. -I don't care.

-I'll get dressed and go right now. -No, girl.

You're staying, please.

Can I give you some advice?

-Tell me. -You stay,

you get married,

you get divorced.

And when you get all of this,

you call me.

I swear I'll leave him in the street, daddy.

That's the way I like it.

Well, what? Are you staying or not?

-Yes, I'll stay, little bastard. -Of course.

Come on, jump!

Come on!

Come here.

Hello Tarsicio! Thanks.

Here you are.

-Well. -But where are you going?

I don't think you've rented the apartment yet.

I'm back, Tarsicio.

I haven't rented it, but I gave the keys back to the owner.

By the way,

when I told him you'd left, owing him five months' rent,

he filed a complaint right away.

Well, no shit.

Taxi!

Goodbye, Tarsicio!

Goodbye, don Juan!

Silence, please!

Now, smile everyone!

I'm coming.

Sorry, there's someone at the door!

They're phylacteries.

-Looks like you're wearing the batteries! -Carmela.

What's wrong?

Your father.

Well, tell him to come in and have a drink.

-He is the grandfather. -Yeah, he's got two suitcases.

Oh, my God. I knew he was a bastard.

They must have kicked him out of the apartment.

Juan Luis, let me introduce you to someone.

We're doing great! Let me introduce you to Juan Luis.

-Hello. -He looks like the girl.

Hey, why did you grow a mustache?

-You're having a party? -We baptized the baby.

And you didn't invite me?

It's a private party,

Only a few friends of Tony's.

What's with the suitcase?

I'm working on the apartment and I thought maybe I can spend a few days with you.

We don't have room.

-Hello! -What about the Cuban?

Are you ashamed of me?

-Dad, I don't want you to embarrass us. -Me?

Do I embarrass you?

I know you.

If I let you in, you'll try to get money out of everybody in no time.

Some very important people have come, doctors, lawyers, engineers…

Here.

I have plenty of money.

What I don't have is love.

I'm going to give you something so you can go to a motel.

No, that won't solve anything.

Do you remember that Marchioness I introduced you to?

The old lady?

She's smitten with you.

She always asks about you,

doesn't she?

She says you promised to have a martini with her.

Look honey,

I never drank martinis nor champagne.

The only thing I drink is Monkey Anisette.

Listen to me, Dad.

Go and see her.

-She lives down the road. -Yes.

In a retirement home.

Carmela, honey,

your father isn't for sale.

Well, don't sell yourself.

Rent yourself out, damn it!

-Is the cheese good? -It's fine.

Mine is chorizo again. I wish they'd make paella sandwiches.

The problem is the bread.

-As long as we eat so much bread… -Thank you.

…this country can't get back on its feet.

-Enjoy your meal. -Thank you.

Gentleman, would you mind playing a bolero?

We only play regional stuff.

Excuse me.

Something romantic, even if it's regional.

-That's done. -We'll make it bolero-like.

Beautiful!

Oh!

-Shall we dance? -Juan!

I'd be delighted!

-Two more, Hilario. -Yes, My Lady.

For later.

Will you excuse me for a moment?

-Yes. -I'll be right back.

Come on out, Manolito.

You'll be the good of my life.

You will be the good of my soul.

You'll be the bird that happily sings in the morning.