Original subtitles

So, I love what Janice

had to say about gratitude.

That's what does it for me.

That's what helps me endure.

And I have so many reasons to be grateful.

Today, I walk through life with a beautiful wife and partner,

a family that loves me

and a job that fills me with a sense of purpose.

And I have all of you.

I still feel like I don't deserve any of it,

but I'm getting better and better

at embracing the good things and letting go,

of the past and that fear.

And for that, I'm grateful.

Thank you all for showing up and for sharing.

I guess that about wraps it up for tonight.

Unless anybody else has a burning desire to share?

I have something I'd like to share.

Great.

My name is Amir.

Hi, Amir.

And I shouldn't be here.

But I am.

Ten years ago,

an apartment fire in Minnesota almost took my life.

And there were times I wish it had.

It did for 148 other people,

including the one I was supposed

to walk through life with.

She never even made it to the hospital.

So now I walk alone.

And the one responsible for the fire, well...

he just walked away.

So I had a choice to make.

I could either nurse my anger and resentment,

or I could nurse other people.

To ease their suffering as a way to ease my own,

so that's what I did, and-and it worked.

It worked for a long time, but you know,

life is such a pitiless thing.

Just when you think you have everything under control,

that you're on the right path, something can happen

something as simple as seeing one person's face,

and then, suddenly, in that instant...

...everything that you have struggled with,

the loss, the misery,

the fear, the anger,

rages up until it consumes you all over again.

Like a fire.

As firefighters, we all know that, when that bell sounds,

we're called to duty.

And we answer that call.

But Captain Nash, he need not hear that bell

in order to rise to the occasion.

And apparently, he even likes to do it when he's off duty.

- Which is why we're presenting to you

our Honor of Bravery Award in recognition of your bravery

and your dedication both in and out your uniform.

Oh, wow. Thank you. Um...

You know, when you tell people you run

into burning buildings for a living,

they tend to look at you like you're nuts,

which we probably are.

But the thing that we know that they don't

is that living a life of consequence,

a life in service,

is a privilege.

So, yes, I will treasure this.

But I'm gonna treasure tomorrow more

because I get to get back to work.

- Thank you all.

Thank you so much.

Hear, hear.

Whoa. Whoa.

You get any braver, you're gonna run out of room here, Nash.

Well, yeah... Did you hear that, Deputy Chief?

Time to give my husband a raise so he can get us a bigger house.

Oh... Mwah.

Now you know why I married her.

Hey, Tim, how many is that?

And now you know why I'm gonna divorce her.

Hey, Mom, can I go to Jody's?

Shouldn't you have asked me that question

before you put on your coat?

You didn't just roll your eyes at your mother.

It's okay. You can go.

Just, in a minute.

Your youngest son has something he wants to give you.

- Yeah? - Hey, Bobby?

What's that?

- Here, Dad. - Whoa.

For me?

What's this?

Whoa.

This is...

This is really something, Bobby.

You must have worked real hard on this.

He's been taking trips to the library,

using their Xerox machine.

It's got all the people you've saved.

Thank you, son.

Hey, Bobby, maybe you could

make me one of those.

Yeah, you could do it

- on the back of a napkin.

Can I go now?

I thought you already did.

Wow.

Charlie.

- Oh... come on. - Hey.

Hey, Bobby, grab that glass, would you?

There. Okay. There we go.

Know what?

Go ahead. You've earned it.

Just don't tell your mother.

Oh!

- Okay.

- What did you do?

Oh, it's...

Come here, honey.

Family.

That's all that really matters, right?

Right.

Guacamole is done.

Did you add a squeeze of lemon?

Why would I do that?

Keeps it from turning brown.

That's-- - You need the acidity.

- That's a real thing? Mm-hmm.

Why did we let him make the guacamole?

So you could focus on that unfortunate

tree bark situation you got going on there.

- Oh, okay. - Ooh. Shots fired.

Oh, there he is. Just in time.

Hi, Bobby.

- Hey, May.

Wasn't expecting you. What's the occasion?

- Well, I haven't seen you guys in a minute. She ran out of food

- at her place.

All right, sit down, you.

- Ooh, tortillas first. - I think so.

Oh, it's just so good to have the family all together.

All right. We got you.

Oh, did I wake you?

Secret 4:00 a.m. Google searches?

Handsome couple.

Do you know them?

I killed her.

The fire at the apartment building?

She was victim number 57.

She never even made it to the hospital.

Her husband told me that.

- When? - Yesterday.

He, uh...

showed up at my AA meeting.

Where did this man come from? I mean, how did he find you?

Uh, divine intervention, maybe.

I was bringing Catherine Morris's daughter

back to her in the hospital and he was there.

He works in the burn unit.

And he didn't say anything to you then?

I mean, he gave no indication that he recognized you?

- I don't think so. - What was he doing at your AA meeting?

- Was that just a coincidence? - Oh, no.

He came there with a purpose.

He wanted to share his grief and his pain,

and he wanted me to see what I'd done.

- And what did you say to him? - Nothing.

He was talking about what had happened to him,

what I did to him, and I just froze.

I was pinned to my seat, and by the time

I got my bearings back, he was gone.

Okay, well, maybe it's for the best.

I mean, he got to say

whatever it is he needed to, and maybe that's enough.

I don't think it's enough.

When I think about that night, I always count the bodies,

the lives lost, but...

I never counted the survivors.

The people left behind.

You were battling your own grief.

Step nine.

"Make direct amends to such people wherever possible."

I need to make amends.

I am not a patient, I am a Los Angeles City Fire captain.

I'm just trying to get in touch with the man.

Yeah, no, I understand.

I will fill out a formal request, thank you.

Captain Nash? Good to see you.

- Are you visiting a patient? - Camila, hi.

Uh, actually, I was trying to visit a coworker of yours.

- Are you working in the burn unit? - Still working ICU.

We're actually transferring a patient up here.

Our departments have quite a bit of overlap.

- Oh, so you might know Amir. - Oh, God, yes.

Love him.

Wish we had him full-time.

Yeah. Yeah, he's great. It's--

It feels like he just got here and now he's already gone.

- I know, the life of a travel nurse. - Right. Yeah.

Well, listen, I-I was trying to catch him before he left

but I guess I missed him, and I thought that

the staffing agency might help me get in touch with him--

Don't take it personally. They're slammed.

Everyone's panicking about a nursing shortage.

They're probably mad at Amir for taking a month off.

Well, I guess everybody needs a vacation, right?

It's not exactly my idea of a vacation.

Jacumba?

What's there?

A migrant encampment.

Apparently, Amir volunteers with a group a couple weeks a year

that provides food and medical assistance.

Okay, so, that's where he is.

You said that you want to make amends to him,

and I understand that, but surely this can wait

until he comes back.

It's been over ten years. I think he's waited long enough.

I will call you from the road.

I love you.

I love you, too.

But you're not the same man you were ten years ago.

I don't think that matters to him.

I need that to matter to you.

I love you.

- You got supplies in that truck? - No, I'm here

looking for Amir Casey. He's a volunteer.

Who's asking?

- My name's Bobby. You a cop?

You look like a cop.

No, I am a firefighter,

but I am not here in an official capacity.

Why are you looking for Amir?

It's a personal matter. I just need to speak with him.

He was here about two hours ago

when he brought in that last group.

That was his third trip today already.

- Do you know when he might be back? - No idea.

Someone told him there was a pregnant woman out there

with her husband, so he's gone out to look for them.

- Okay. Need a hand here!

Where did you find them?

On the marker 12 service road.

- Amir's not with you? - No, I haven't heard from him.

And I tried to call him on the radio.

Can you ask her if she's having any contractions?

No pain, but she's dizzy,

- and the baby's kicking. Okay, that's good.

She's got a strong pulse, but she's dehydrated.

Can we get her on an IV drip?

We're not that kind of operation,

but we've got a shuttle

making runs to a local clinic.

Okay, let's get her on that.

In the meantime, let's get her some water,

all right? Ah. Thank you very much.

Here you go.

Gracias.

All right, let me check on him.

Oh.

You do not look like somebody who's been in the sun all day.

No, no, no. No bien.

What do you got going on here? Can I take a look? Okay?

All right.

They forced her to walk alone,

so he jumped off a moving truck to be with her.

All right, well, I love the sentiment, Luis,

but this wound is infected. We gotta clean it out.

There's hydrogen peroxide in here.

That might damage the tissue. We need a water.

Can I get another one of those waters?

All right.

I am gonna need some gauze,

and I'm gonna need some tape.

What truck did he jump off of?

- Coyotes? - Yes.

They make a deal to get across,

but once they get here, the deal changes.

- Upcharge? - Correct.

These coyotes are all cartel now.

They double, triple the price.

If they can't deliver, they force them to walk.

Teach 'em a lesson. Then they come back

to threaten them again.

Unless you guys get to them first.

You're catching on.

Those coyotes must love you.

Well, between the cartel and the local ranchers,

I don't think we've made many friends.

Last one.

All right, Luis, you stay with me, okay?

Let's get off this truck.

He's on the brink of sepsis.

If this infection spreads into his bloodstream,

it's not gonna end well.

How close is that shuttle?

- About ten minutes out. - All right, well,

if you can, tell 'em to step on it.

Can you guys get him out of the sun?

All right. Her, too?

Do you know which one of these roads Amir travels?

I do, but you'd be crazy to go out there on your own.

And I don't have anyone to send with you.

- Oh, Amir's out there on his own. - He knows the terrain.

And he's a little crazy.

I'll write you the directions.

Thank you.

It's 8:00 a.m. on a Sunday,

and you're already sloppy drunk.

Just a little hair of the dog.

This is why we're leaving, Tim.

You've gone too far.

Hey, I wouldn't go in there.

I am worried about the boys--

God on a wheel, Ann.

That was weeks ago.

And it was one drink, okay?

You know, when I was his age,

I was stealing cases of 3.2 out of the back of the Red Owl.

Why do you tell that story like it's supposed to be funny?

- Because it is funny. - It's not funny!

- No it's-- - You just don't have a sense of humor!

What's happening?

Hey, bud.

- Bobby, where's your book bag? - Buddy.

Bobby, go grab it and get

- in the car right now. No, you're good.

We're going somewhere?

We're going to stay at your Aunt Kitty's.

No, you can go stay with Aunt Kitty.

You're not gonna take my boys.

'Cause them? They're mine.

My legacy.

- And you're not gonna take them. Whoa. - Dad. Stop.

- This isn't helping. - That is exactly the problem. - Oh.

- I don't want them following in your footsteps. - Big man. Yeah.

First to the bottle. Then probably

- to an early grave. Bobby. Oh, yeah?

- Get your bag and get in the car. No.

I want to stay with Dad.

Bobby, stop being an idiot and get in the car.

Why are you always so mean to Dad?

- That is an excellent question, young man. - Sweetheart,

I know this is really hard to understand. You love your dad.

He's a hero!

You stick your nose any further

- up Dad's ass, you're not-- - Charlie!

- What?! - Just don't.

It's not like he's gonna remember tomorrow.

He's too drunk.

- Show some respect.

- You first, Dad. Oh, yeah?

- What are you gonna do, big guy? - Tim!

- Charlie, stop!

That's my son! - Charlie, stop!

Tell Mom that you don't want to go, either.

If we both stay,

- maybe she will, too. - You saw what

he just did to me, and you still want me to stay?

Come with us.

Dad needs me.

Hey.

- Drop the tire iron.

Amir...

it's Bobby Nash.

Nash?

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm looking for you. What happened?

- I got shot. - Sit down.

Come on, sit down.

All right.

- Get this off.

- All right. - Whew.

Bullet fragment is still in there.

All right, we're gonna need to clean this out,

make some kind of pressure dressing

before we do anything else.

Infection could set in real quick out here.

Yeah. I'm aware.

I'm a medical professional, remember?

Was having a hard time doing it myself.

Well, now you don't have to.

The couple you were looking for here-- they made it back

to your group staging area.

I think they're gonna be fine.

- I want you to tell me what happened.

Seems like you already know what happened here.

I was out here looking for that couple.

I was checking out the structures,

leaving supplies. I heard a truck pull up.

I went outside.

I saw my vehicle was being firebombed.

I'm guessing you had something to say about that.

I certainly did. I got to him

before he pulled his gun... almost.

Got him pretty good, though, but he was able to drive off.

All right, I'm gonna need you to lean forward.

- Hang in there.

That guy that shot you?

Yeah? - He didn't get very far.

I saw him about a mile back.

He's dead.

All right. That is about as good as we're gonna do

until we get you to a hospital.

Let's go.

- Come on. - I got it.

Looks like we're not going anywhere.

Edwin.

What is for dinner?

Salisbury steak?

Fish and chips.

Oh.

I thought you liked fish and chips.

- I do.

I'm just gonna miss that brownie.

I got us cookie dough.

Nobody likes that watery cobbler.

Oh, you.

- You're a good man.

Let's eat.

Yes.

Thank you.

- Ah... - Mom called.

She wanted to talk to you.

Did you tell her I was working?

She'd already called the firehouse looking for you.

They told her you were sick.

Why would they tell her something like that?

I guess you were supposed to be on shift.

Oh, damn it.

It's not Monday, is it?

Tuesday. I told them you were sick.

Oh.

Sorry, kid.

It's okay, Dad.

All right. They're finally leaving.

They firebombing your vehicle or just stealing it?

- Just stealing it.

What are you doing out here, Nash?

I told you, I was looking for you.

Why?

The ninth step, I owe you an amends.

So you followed me out here to the desert?

Yeah.

You think that earns you something?

No, I just needed you to know I heard everything you said.

Thank you.

I feel seen.

Of course, I always feel seen.

Mostly because people are always staring at me.

I know that there is nothing I can say

to make up for what happened.

Stop!

Let me be real clear, Captain.

I don't need anything from you.

I know you think I came to that meeting

to call you out.

I didn't.

I was sizing you up.

I wanted to understand

how someone who was responsible for so much loss,

so much pain,

was able to carry on.

Pretty damn easy, it seems.

That's not actually true.

No?

I heard everything you said, too, Bobby.

Talking about how blessed you've been.

That's why I stood up.

I felt that required an answer.

I get that.

Good. Now get this.

You can keep your amends.

I didn't ask for it.

And doesn't mean a damn thing to me.

There's a service road about eight miles west.

The cartels don't really use it.

The locals do.

About two miles past there is the highway.

You get that far,

someone will be sure to pick you up.

What am I supposed to do, just leave you here?

You didn't kill the man, I did.

- You didn't have a choice. - I didn't say I did.

Okay.

You need to get up, and we need to walk.

Honestly...

I don't think I can, Nash.

This infection is already starting to set in.

Then will you let me help you up?

I mean, I don't know what's worse,

dying out here in the shade,

or letting your ass save me?

Well, given where things are at,

there's a pretty good chance I'll fail.

Yeah, now you're just trying to cheer me up.

Come on.

Let's walk.

- Dad, Dad, wake up! Ah, let me try.

- That usually does the trick.

Phil?

What are you doing here?

- Looks like

someone was trying to make cookies using the broiler.

I-I'm sorry, Dad.

You're probably gonna need a new stove.

I think the rest is just paint and some elbow grease.

I-I'll clean it up.

- I promise. - Bet your ass you will.

Hey, it's not the kid's fault

there's no fire extinguisher in here.

No, that would be his mother's fault.

She always hated the looks of it,

so I keep it on the back porch.

So, she gets a new kitchen out of it.

That should bring her back.

You done here?

Yeah, we're done.

I-I can fix this.

Do you know what happens when you call 911?

They keep a record of it.

How do you think that's gonna look? Hmm?

- I-I'm sorry. - If I get fired,

it's your fault.

I don't even want to look at you right now.

You should've gone with your mother.

Get up.

- This is it, I'm done. - You're not done.

Come on, I think I see a road up ahead.

Yeah, man, you thought that two miles back.

Hey, you have to get up, we have to keep moving.

Look, you know as well as I do, every step I take

just pushes this infection deeper in my system.

Get up.

- Come on.

All right, all right.

- Come on.

See? I told you there was a road.

Come on.

We got it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

Stop! Come on, he's stopping, he's stopping.

What the hell are you doing out here?

We're a little lost.

I'll say you are, too.

What are you? Relief workers?

That's about all we got out here.

Cartel, migrants and relief workers.

And a few old stubborn ranchers