All language subtitles for 9.1.1.s07e08.step.nine.720p.web.dl.hevc.x265

So, I love what Janice

had to say about gratitude.

That's what does it for me.

That's what helps me endure.

And I have so many reasons
to be grateful.

Today, I walk through life with
a beautiful wife and partner,

a family that loves me

and a job that fills me
with a sense of purpose.

And I have all of you.

I still feel like
I don't deserve any of it,

but I'm getting
better and better

at embracing the good things
and letting go,

of the past and that fear.

And for that, I'm grateful.

Thank you all
for showing up and for sharing.

I guess that about
wraps it up for tonight.

Unless anybody else
has a burning desire to share?

I have something
I'd like to share.

Great.

My name is Amir.

Hi, Amir.

And I shouldn't be here.

But I am.

Ten years ago,

an apartment fire in Minnesota
almost took my life.

And there were times
I wish it had.

It did for 148 other people,

including the one I was supposed

to walk through life with.

She never even made it
to the hospital.

So now I walk alone.

And the one responsible
for the fire, well...

he just walked away.

So I had a choice to make.

I could either nurse
my anger and resentment,

or I could nurse other people.

To ease their suffering
as a way to ease my own,

so that's what I did,
and-and it worked.

It worked for a long time,
but you know,

life is such a pitiless thing.

Just when you think you have
everything under control,

that you're on the right path,
something can happen

something as simple
as seeing one person's face,

and then, suddenly,
in that instant...

...everything that
you have struggled with,

the loss, the misery,

the fear, the anger,

rages up until it consumes you
all over again.

Like a fire.

As firefighters, we all know
that, when that bell sounds,

we're called to duty.

And we answer that call.

But Captain Nash,
he need not hear that bell

in order to rise
to the occasion.

And apparently, he even likes
to do it when he's off duty.

- Which is why we're
presenting to you

our Honor of Bravery Award
in recognition of your bravery

and your dedication
both in and out your uniform.

Oh, wow. Thank you. Um...

You know,
when you tell people you run

into burning buildings
for a living,

they tend to look at you
like you're nuts,

which we probably are.

But the thing that we know
that they don't

is that living
a life of consequence,

a life in service,

is a privilege.

So, yes, I will treasure this.

But I'm gonna treasure
tomorrow more

because I get
to get back to work.

- Thank you all.

Thank you so much.

Hear, hear.

Whoa. Whoa.

You get any braver, you're gonna
run out of room here, Nash.

Well, yeah...
Did you hear that,
Deputy Chief?

Time to give my husband a raise
so he can get us a bigger house.

Oh... Mwah.

Now you know
why I married her.

Hey, Tim, how many is that?

And now you know why
I'm gonna divorce her.

Hey, Mom, can I go to Jody's?

Shouldn't you have
asked me that question

before you put on your coat?

You didn't just roll
your eyes at your mother.

It's okay. You can go.

Just, in a minute.

Your youngest son has something
he wants to give you.

- Yeah?
- Hey, Bobby?

What's that?

- Here, Dad.
- Whoa.

For me?

What's this?

Whoa.

This is...

This is really something, Bobby.

You must have worked
real hard on this.

He's been taking trips
to the library,

using their Xerox machine.

It's got all the people
you've saved.

Thank you, son.

Hey, Bobby, maybe you could

make me one of those.

Yeah, you could do it

- on the back of a napkin.

Can I go now?

I thought you already did.

Wow.

Charlie.

- Oh... come on.
- Hey.

Hey, Bobby, grab that glass,
would you?

There. Okay. There we go.

Know what?

Go ahead. You've earned it.

Just don't tell your mother.

Oh!

- Okay.

- What did you do?

Oh, it's...

Come here, honey.

Family.

That's all that really matters, right?

Right.

Guacamole is done.

Did you add a squeeze of lemon?

Why would I do that?

Keeps it from turning brown.

That's--
- You need the acidity.

- That's a real thing?
Mm-hmm.

Why did we let him
make the guacamole?

So you could focus
on that unfortunate

tree bark situation
you got going on there.

- Oh, okay.
- Ooh. Shots fired.

Oh, there he is. Just in time.

Hi, Bobby.

- Hey, May.

Wasn't expecting you.
What's the occasion?

- Well, I haven't seen
you guys in a minute.
She ran out of food

- at her place.

All right, sit down, you.

- Ooh, tortillas first.
- I think so.

Oh, it's just so good
to have the family all together.

All right. We got you.

Oh, did I wake you?

Secret 4:00 a.m.
Google searches?

Handsome couple.

Do you know them?

I killed her.

The fire
at the apartment building?

She was victim number 57.

She never even made it
to the hospital.

Her husband told me that.

- When?
- Yesterday.

He, uh...

showed up at my AA meeting.

Where did this man come from?
I mean, how did he find you?

Uh, divine intervention, maybe.

I was bringing
Catherine Morris's daughter

back to her in the hospital
and he was there.

He works in the burn unit.

And he didn't say anything
to you then?

I mean, he gave no indication
that he recognized you?

- I don't think so.
- What was he doing
at your AA meeting?

- Was that just a coincidence?
- Oh, no.

He came there with a purpose.

He wanted to share
his grief and his pain,

and he wanted me to see
what I'd done.

- And what did you say to him?
- Nothing.

He was talking about
what had happened to him,

what I did to him,
and I just froze.

I was pinned to my seat,
and by the time

I got my bearings back,
he was gone.

Okay, well,
maybe it's for the best.

I mean, he got to say

whatever it is he needed to,
and maybe that's enough.

I don't think it's enough.

When I think about that night,
I always count the bodies,

the lives lost, but...

I never counted the survivors.

The people left behind.

You were battling
your own grief.

Step nine.

"Make direct amends to such
people wherever possible."

I need to make amends.

I am not a patient, I am
a Los Angeles City Fire captain.

I'm just trying to get
in touch with the man.

Yeah, no, I understand.

I will fill out
a formal request, thank you.

Captain Nash? Good to see you.

- Are you visiting a patient?
- Camila, hi.

Uh, actually, I was trying
to visit a coworker of yours.

- Are you working
in the burn unit?
- Still working ICU.

We're actually transferring
a patient up here.

Our departments
have quite a bit of overlap.

- Oh, so you might know Amir.
- Oh, God, yes.

Love him.

Wish we had him full-time.

Yeah. Yeah, he's great. It's--

It feels like he just got here
and now he's already gone.

- I know, the life
of a travel nurse.
- Right. Yeah.

Well, listen, I-I was trying
to catch him before he left

but I guess I missed him,
and I thought that

the staffing agency might
help me get in touch with him--

Don't take it personally.
They're slammed.

Everyone's panicking about
a nursing shortage.

They're probably mad at Amir
for taking a month off.

Well, I guess everybody
needs a vacation, right?

It's not exactly my idea
of a vacation.

Jacumba?

What's there?

A migrant encampment.

Apparently, Amir volunteers with
a group a couple weeks a year

that provides food
and medical assistance.

Okay, so, that's where he is.

You said that you want
to make amends to him,

and I understand that,
but surely this can wait

until he comes back.

It's been over ten years.
I think he's waited long enough.

I will call you from the road.

I love you.

I love you, too.

But you're not the same man
you were ten years ago.

I don't think
that matters to him.

I need that to matter to you.

I love you.

- You got supplies in that truck?
- No, I'm here

looking for Amir Casey.
He's a volunteer.

Who's asking?

- My name's Bobby.
You a cop?

You look like a cop.

No, I am a firefighter,

but I am not here
in an official capacity.

Why are you looking for Amir?

It's a personal matter.
I just need to speak with him.

He was here about two hours ago

when he brought in
that last group.

That was his third trip
today already.

- Do you know when
he might be back?
- No idea.

Someone told him there was
a pregnant woman out there

with her husband, so he's
gone out to look for them.

- Okay.
Need a hand here!

Where did you find them?

On the marker 12 service road.

- Amir's not with you?
- No, I haven't heard from him.

And I tried to call him
on the radio.

Can you ask her if she's
having any contractions?

No pain, but she's dizzy,

- and the baby's kicking.
Okay, that's good.

She's got a strong pulse,
but she's dehydrated.

Can we get her on an IV drip?

We're not that kind
of operation,

but we've got a shuttle

making runs to a local clinic.

Okay, let's get her on that.

In the meantime,
let's get her some water,

all right? Ah.
Thank you very much.

Here you go.

Gracias.

All right, let me check on him.

Oh.

You do not look like somebody
who's been in the sun all day.

No, no, no. No bien.

What do you got going on here?
Can I take a look? Okay?

All right.

They forced her to walk alone,

so he jumped off a moving truck
to be with her.

All right, well,
I love the sentiment, Luis,

but this wound is infected.
We gotta clean it out.

There's hydrogen peroxide
in here.

That might damage the tissue.
We need a water.

Can I get another one
of those waters?

All right.

I am gonna need some gauze,

and I'm gonna need some tape.

What truck did he jump off of?

- Coyotes?
- Yes.

They make a deal to get across,

but once they get here,
the deal changes.

- Upcharge?
- Correct.

These coyotes are
all cartel now.

They double, triple the price.

If they can't deliver,
they force them to walk.

Teach 'em a lesson.
Then they come back

to threaten them again.

Unless you guys
get to them first.

You're catching on.

Those coyotes must love you.

Well, between the cartel
and the local ranchers,

I don't think
we've made many friends.

Last one.

All right, Luis,
you stay with me, okay?

Let's get off this truck.

He's on the brink of sepsis.

If this infection spreads
into his bloodstream,

it's not gonna end well.

How close is that shuttle?

- About ten minutes out.
- All right, well,

if you can,
tell 'em to step on it.

Can you guys get him
out of the sun?

All right. Her, too?

Do you know which one
of these roads Amir travels?

I do, but you'd be crazy
to go out there on your own.

And I don't have anyone
to send with you.

- Oh, Amir's out
there on his own.
- He knows the terrain.

And he's a little crazy.

I'll write you the directions.

Thank you.

It's 8:00 a.m. on a Sunday,

and you're already sloppy drunk.

Just a little hair of the dog.

This is why we're leaving, Tim.

You've gone too far.

Hey, I wouldn't go in there.

I am worried about the boys--

God on a wheel, Ann.

That was weeks ago.

And it was one drink, okay?

You know, when I was his age,

I was stealing cases of 3.2
out of the back of the Red Owl.

Why do you tell that story
like it's supposed to be funny?

- Because it is funny.
- It's not funny!

- No it's--
- You just don't have
a sense of humor!

What's happening?

Hey, bud.

- Bobby, where's your book bag?
- Buddy.

Bobby, go grab it and get

- in the car right now.
No, you're good.

We're going somewhere?

We're going to stay
at your Aunt Kitty's.

No, you can go stay
with Aunt Kitty.

You're not gonna take my boys.

'Cause them? They're mine.

My legacy.

- And you're not
gonna take them. Whoa.
- Dad. Stop.

- This isn't helping.
- That is exactly the problem.
- Oh.

- I don't want them following
in your footsteps.
- Big man. Yeah.

First to the bottle.
Then probably

- to an early grave. Bobby.
Oh, yeah?

- Get your bag
and get in the car.
No.

I want to stay with Dad.

Bobby, stop being an idiot
and get in the car.

Why are you always
so mean to Dad?

- That is an excellent
question, young man.
- Sweetheart,

I know this is really hard to
understand. You love your dad.

He's a hero!

You stick your nose any further

- up Dad's ass, you're not--
- Charlie!

- What?!
- Just don't.

It's not like
he's gonna remember tomorrow.

He's too drunk.

- Show some respect.

- You first, Dad.
Oh, yeah?

- What are you
gonna do, big guy?
- Tim!

- Charlie, stop!

That's my son!
- Charlie, stop!

Tell Mom that you don't
want to go, either.

If we both stay,

- maybe she will, too.
- You saw what

he just did to me,
and you still want me to stay?

Come with us.

Dad needs me.

Hey.

- Drop the tire iron.

Amir...

it's Bobby Nash.

Nash?

What the hell
are you doing here?

I'm looking for you.
What happened?

- I got shot.
- Sit down.

Come on, sit down.

All right.

- Get this off.

- All right.
- Whew.

Bullet fragment
is still in there.

All right, we're gonna need
to clean this out,

make some kind
of pressure dressing

before we do anything else.

Infection could set in
real quick out here.

Yeah. I'm aware.

I'm a medical professional, remember?

Was having a hard time
doing it myself.

Well, now you don't have to.

The couple you were looking for
here-- they made it back

to your group staging area.

I think they're gonna be fine.

- I want you
to tell me what happened.

Seems like you already know
what happened here.

I was out here looking
for that couple.

I was checking out
the structures,

leaving supplies.
I heard a truck pull up.

I went outside.

I saw my vehicle
was being firebombed.

I'm guessing you had something
to say about that.

I certainly did. I got to him

before he pulled his gun...
almost.

Got him pretty good, though,
but he was able to drive off.

All right, I'm gonna need you
to lean forward.

- Hang in there.

That guy that shot you?

Yeah?
- He didn't get very far.

I saw him about a mile back.

He's dead.

All right. That is about
as good as we're gonna do

until we get you to a hospital.

Let's go.

- Come on.
- I got it.

Looks like
we're not going anywhere.

Edwin.

What is for dinner?

Salisbury steak?

Fish and chips.

Oh.

I thought
you liked fish and chips.

- I do.

I'm just gonna miss
that brownie.

I got us cookie dough.

Nobody likes
that watery cobbler.

Oh, you.

- You're a good man.

Let's eat.

Yes.

Thank you.

- Ah...
- Mom called.

She wanted to talk to you.

Did you tell her I was working?

She'd already called
the firehouse looking for you.

They told her you were sick.

Why would they tell her
something like that?

I guess you were
supposed to be on shift.

Oh, damn it.

It's not Monday, is it?

Tuesday.
I told them you were sick.

Oh.

Sorry, kid.

It's okay, Dad.

All right.
They're finally leaving.

They firebombing your vehicle
or just stealing it?

- Just stealing it.

What are you doing
out here, Nash?

I told you,
I was looking for you.

Why?

The ninth step,
I owe you an amends.

So you followed me out here
to the desert?

Yeah.

You think
that earns you something?

No, I just needed you to know
I heard everything you said.

Thank you.

I feel seen.

Of course,
I always feel seen.

Mostly because people are
always staring at me.

I know that
there is nothing I can say

to make up for what happened.

Stop!

Let me be real clear, Captain.

I don't need anything from you.

I know you think
I came to that meeting

to call you out.

I didn't.

I was sizing you up.

I wanted to understand

how someone who was responsible
for so much loss,

so much pain,

was able to carry on.

Pretty damn easy, it seems.

That's not actually true.

No?

I heard everything you said,
too, Bobby.

Talking about
how blessed you've been.

That's why I stood up.

I felt that required an answer.

I get that.

Good. Now get this.

You can keep your amends.

I didn't ask for it.

And doesn't mean
a damn thing to me.

There's a service road
about eight miles west.

The cartels don't really use it.

The locals do.

About two miles past there
is the highway.

You get that far,

someone will be sure
to pick you up.

What am I supposed to do,
just leave you here?

You didn't kill the man, I did.

- You didn't have a choice.
- I didn't say I did.

Okay.

You need to get up,
and we need to walk.

Honestly...

I don't think I can, Nash.

This infection is already
starting to set in.

Then will you let me
help you up?

I mean,
I don't know what's worse,

dying out here in the shade,

or letting your ass save me?

Well, given where things are at,

there's a pretty good chance
I'll fail.

Yeah, now you're just
trying to cheer me up.

Come on.

Let's walk.

- Dad, Dad, wake up!
Ah, let me try.

- That usually does the trick.

Phil?

What are you doing here?

- Looks like

someone was trying to
make cookies using the broiler.

I-I'm sorry, Dad.

You're probably gonna need
a new stove.

I think the rest is just
paint and some elbow grease.

I-I'll clean it up.

- I promise.
- Bet your ass you will.

Hey, it's not the kid's fault

there's no fire extinguisher
in here.

No, that would be
his mother's fault.

She always hated
the looks of it,

so I keep it on the back porch.

So, she gets a new kitchen
out of it.

That should bring her back.

You done here?

Yeah, we're done.

I-I can fix this.

Do you know what happens
when you call 911?

They keep a record of it.

How do you think
that's gonna look? Hmm?

- I-I'm sorry.
- If I get fired,

it's your fault.

I don't even want to
look at you right now.

You should've gone
with your mother.

Get up.

- This is it, I'm done.
- You're not done.

Come on, I think
I see a road up ahead.

Yeah, man,
you thought that two miles back.

Hey, you have to get up,
we have to keep moving.

Look, you know as well as I do,
every step I take

just pushes this infection
deeper in my system.

Get up.

- Come on.

All right, all right.

- Come on.

See? I told you
there was a road.

Come on.

We got it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Stop, stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop!

Stop! Come on, he's stopping,
he's stopping.

What the hell
are you doing out here?

We're a little lost.

I'll say you are, too.

What are you? Relief workers?

That's about all we got
out here.

Cartel, migrants
and relief workers.

And a few old stubborn ranchers