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1
00:00:01,368 --> 00:00:03,636
[upbeat music playing]
2
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:06,139
[audience applauding]
3
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:13,346
Hello, and welcome
to "Totally Funny Animals."
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00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:15,048
I'm your host, Andy Woodhull.
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00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,649
We have a show for you tonight
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00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,853
that is as refreshing and fun
as a newly filled water bowl,
7
00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:21,454
a recently scooped litter box,
8
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:24,257
and a brand-new paper
at the bottom of a bird cage
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00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:25,692
all rolled into one.
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00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:27,060
[audience laughter]
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00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:29,729
We set the bar
mighty high around these parts.
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00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,197
[audience laughter]
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00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:33,800
Did you know that the average
person sees a minimum
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00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:37,337
of 17 different animals
every single day?
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00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,839
You couldn't have known that
because I just made it up.
16
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,475
- [audience laughter]
- But it sounded true, right?
17
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:46,179
Probably a combination of me
sounding really sure about it,
18
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,681
and let's face it,
animals are everywhere you look.
19
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,283
[upbeat music playing]
20
00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:51,551
Check this out.
21
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:54,387
Spectacular.
22
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:56,623
WOMAN: Yeah, I hear their wings.
23
00:00:57,490 --> 00:01:00,293
ANDY: I just hope none of them
have to go to the bathroom.
24
00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:01,861
[woman exclaiming]
25
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,798
[groans] Ew, your face!
26
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:06,966
[dogs barking]
27
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,238
ANDY: Only one thing made
Murphy and Matilda madder
28
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:14,941
than when the Henderson's cow
was in their pool.
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[dogs barking]
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And that was
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00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:21,381
when the Henderson's cow
was in their jacuzzi.
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00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:27,387
And he is out of here.
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[audience laughter]
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00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:30,990
Mr. Martinez
was always forgetting
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00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:33,293
to lock the door
to the science lab.
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00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:34,828
But what's the worst
that could happen?
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[audience laughter]
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ANDY ON PA: Mr. Martinez,
Winkles is in the hall again.
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WOMAN: Hi.
40
00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:46,773
ANDY: Hi. Hello.
41
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- Yes, hi.
- WOMAN: Hi.
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00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:51,544
- ANDY: Hi there. Okay.
- WOMAN: How's it going?
43
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ANDY: I should really
get back to work.
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[audience laughter]
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[audience applauding]
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When your mom or dad seem to pay
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00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:02,522
a little too much attention
to the family pet,
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00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:04,624
does it ever make you feel
a little inadequate,
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00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:06,759
- or is it just me?
- [audience laughter]
50
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,361
Well, tonight,
we're counting down
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00:02:08,394 --> 00:02:11,931
the top ten signs your parents
like the dog more than you.
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00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,733
We'll kick it off
with number ten.
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WOMAN: Luce, why are you crying?
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Lucy, why are you crying?
55
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Where's Bandit?
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ANDY: Because they gave
the dog first choice
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00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,910
when it came
to sleeping arrangements.
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00:02:23,943 --> 00:02:26,079
[audience laughter]
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00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:31,384
Every doorbell ring or knock
at the door is a mystery.
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00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:32,819
Who's on the other side?
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Who could it be?
Is it friend or foe?
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Nosy neighbor or hopelessly
lost pizza delivery guy?
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You'll never know
until you open it.
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[mysterious music playing]
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Oh, hi. Don't mind me.
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Just a quick bite
and I'll be on my way.
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MAN: You get out of here
right now.
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00:02:51,804 --> 00:02:54,307
ANDY: Uh, yeah.
Look at these antlers.
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I think I'll be staying
as long as I like.
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00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:58,578
MAN: Get.
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I'm serious.
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That is my tree. Hey.
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00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:07,720
ANDY: And you weren't eating it,
so finders keepers.
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00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,422
[audience laughter]
75
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,125
Excuse me.
76
00:03:12,158 --> 00:03:13,960
I'm collecting for
the all-turkey drill team's
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00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:15,495
annual trip to Florida.
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[thumping on glass]
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WOMAN: There's a bunch
of them back there.
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00:03:23,836 --> 00:03:26,272
ANDY: Last year I collected
enough to go to a theme park.
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00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:33,446
Okay, fine.
Off to the neighbor's house.
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00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:35,982
Maybe they won't be so cheap.
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00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:37,417
[audience laughter]
84
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:41,254
Jackson didn't care if
it did keep the flies out.
85
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:44,290
He was not a fan
of the new screen door.
86
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:45,892
[audience laughter]
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00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:53,433
And it was just this morning
that Pa said to Ma,
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00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:56,402
why doesn't Hoppy come around
the house like he used to?
89
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,271
And then there he was.
90
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:01,975
Perfect timing,
because Ma had just made
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00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:04,244
a batch of her oatmeal
fly cookies.
92
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:05,878
Hoppy must have smelled them.
93
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,313
[audience laughter]
94
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:09,215
They were gonna
install a doggy door.
95
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,718
- But no need to.
- WOMAN: There she goes.
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00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:13,987
[audience laughter]
97
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,522
And there she is. [chuckles]
98
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,524
ANDY: A lot of households
are replacing
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00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:22,161
the more traditional
attack dog with an attack deer.
100
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,496
[hooves clicking]
101
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,633
[audience laughter]
102
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,334
Bambi don't play.
103
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:31,904
Here comes Nutty.
104
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:35,908
Hiya, Nutty.
105
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,910
Nutty was always up to no good,
106
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,646
and the cops were onto him, too.
107
00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:42,482
He probably wants in
so he can lam it,
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00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:44,317
you know,
until things cool down.
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00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:46,185
[audience laughter]
110
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,289
Looks like he hears something.
111
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:52,058
Yep, it's the police.
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00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:55,228
Be cool, Nutty. Be cool.
113
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:56,996
[audience laughter]
114
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,665
[audience applauds]
115
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:03,703
We are counting down
the top ten signs
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00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:06,039
your parents like
the dog more than you.
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00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:08,941
And it may sting a little,
but here's number nine.
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00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,377
The dogs get a weekly mani-pedi,
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complete with
a clear coat finish.
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00:05:13,746 --> 00:05:15,014
They won't even get you
121
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,016
a pair of fingernail clippers
that work right.
122
00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:21,421
It's never easy when they choose
the dogs over their children,
123
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:22,855
but it happens.
124
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,357
[audience laughter]
125
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,192
[audience applauds]
126
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:29,595
What happens when the
unstoppable force of an animal
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00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:32,965
is headed right towards
some sort of immovable object?
128
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,968
You get yourself
a Critter Collision Course.
129
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,304
[upbeat music playing]
130
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:47,847
WOMAN: Come here. Come here.
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[woman chuckling]
132
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:54,921
[woman laughs]
133
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,123
[kid screams]
134
00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:59,092
WOMAN: Oh, dear, poor baby.
135
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,360
Oh, oh.
136
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:01,461
MAN: Are you ready?
137
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:02,595
Three.
138
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:03,663
[woman laughs]
139
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:09,502
WOMAN: Oh, my gosh, Libby.
140
00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:13,806
[woman laughs]
141
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,477
ANDY: And the countdown
continues with number eight.
142
00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:20,012
MAN: What's two plus one?
143
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,582
[dog barks three times]
144
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,884
- Good girl.
- [audience laughter]
145
00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:26,886
ANDY: They helped the dog
with her homework.
146
00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:30,323
MAN: What's one plus one?
147
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:33,126
- [dog barks twice]
- Good girl.
148
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:35,328
ANDY: While you got grounded
for a C in algebra,
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00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:37,196
they wouldn't even
get you a tutor.
150
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,631
MAN: What's one plus three?
151
00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:41,300
[dog barks, growls]
152
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,202
ANDY: It's just not fair.
153
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,871
- [dog barks]
- MAN: There you go.
154
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,540
[audience applauding]
155
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,842
Drop it. Drop it.
156
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,378
Drop that remote. Good dog.
157
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:55,515
Because more "Totally Funny
Animals" is coming right up.
158
00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:57,917
[audience cheering]
159
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,024
[upbeat music playing]
160
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:10,196
[water running]
161
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:15,868
[audience laughter]
162
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:23,776
- WOMAN: Are you okay?
- [audience laughter]
163
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,411
[audience applauding]
164
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,349
Tonight, we are counting down
the top ten signs
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00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:33,085
your parents like
the dog more than you.
166
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,121
The first step is acceptance.
167
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:37,557
Here's lucky number seven.
168
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,460
WOMAN: What's with that
silly napkin, Wenzo?
169
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:42,995
[gasps] Is it your birthday?
170
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Are you the birthday boy today?
171
00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:48,634
ANDY: When for his birthday,
Wenzo got a prime rib dinner.
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00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:51,170
WOMAN: Prime rib
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dinner.
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00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:55,208
So good.
175
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:56,909
ANDY: And all you got
for your birthday meal
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00:07:56,943 --> 00:08:00,213
was mac and cheese from a box.
177
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:01,948
WOMAN: Happy birthday, bubbas.
178
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,950
[audience laughter]
179
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,751
[audience applauding]
180
00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:07,920
If you're ever feeling on edge,
181
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,755
stressed out, or aggressive,
182
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:11,991
might I recommend
playing some golf?
183
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,726
Oh, you'll still feel on edge,
184
00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:15,461
stressed out, and aggressive,
185
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:18,297
but they'll give you a bag
of clubs to whack stuff with.
186
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,398
[audience laughter]
187
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,067
You can also whack a few balls
188
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,768
at the Animal Golfers Club.
189
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:26,405
It's the perfect time of year
to hit the links
190
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,108
here at the Animal Golfers Club.
191
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:31,377
[man laughing]
192
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:38,150
We're here to help your game.
193
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,090
Our staff will always give you
194
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:46,092
helpful feedback on your swing.
195
00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:49,128
[seagulls squawking]
196
00:08:50,429 --> 00:08:51,998
- [man laughs]
- [audience laughter]
197
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:55,968
ANDY: Add a little challenge
to up your handicap.
198
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,605
- [audience laughter]
- [man laughs]
199
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,308
And our caddies
will return your balls
200
00:09:02,341 --> 00:09:04,577
to the clubhouse
when you're done playing.
201
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,546
And sometimes
before you're done.
202
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:07,947
[man laughs]
203
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:10,883
Though occasionally
we get a little distracted.
204
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,222
[audience laughter]
205
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,724
There's never
a dull moment on our green.
206
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:21,327
BOY: Go, Dad, go,
go away from this turkey!
207
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,963
ANDY: Looks like this
little golfer scored a birdie.
208
00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:26,666
The Animal Golfers Club.
209
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:29,569
BOY: Oh, he's got my ball.
210
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:32,471
ANDY: The most fun
you'll have on the fairway.
211
00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:34,941
[audience applauding]
212
00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:38,444
Pigeons are surprisingly smart.
213
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:40,680
They're one of only
a few rare species
214
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:42,615
that pass the mirror test.
215
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:44,350
They're able to
look at their reflection
216
00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:46,819
and understand
they're looking at themselves.
217
00:09:46,852 --> 00:09:50,389
Of course, a lot of them will
fly smack dab into a window.
218
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,391
So they may be smart,
219
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,760
but they're not geniuses
or anything.
220
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:56,395
[audience laughter]
221
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,564
Peter Pigeon
found a piece of pizza.
222
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,232
[audience laughter]
223
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,834
It's his lucky day.
224
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:03,769
That is, until it vanished.
225
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,137
[audience laughter]
226
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,041
Rover felt the bird was getting
227
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:11,344
a little too comfortable
in the house.
228
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,813
[audience laughter]
229
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:16,415
And it was time
to say something about it.
230
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:20,286
♪♪♪
231
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:22,355
But not today. Maybe tomorrow.
232
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:23,756
[audience laughter]
233
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:28,828
Julia saw pigeons not as pets,
but as role models.
234
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:31,030
[audience laughter]
235
00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:32,264
[girl screams]
236
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:34,900
MAN: Babe, can you go help her?
237
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,936
ANDY:
Oh, there is no helping her.
238
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,972
GIRL: Mommy. [screams]
239
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,207
[child laughs]
240
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,975
ANDY: She's one
with the pigeons now.
241
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,044
- WOMAN: Throw far.
- [girl screams]
242
00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:46,812
ANDY: Best to just
leave her and move on.
243
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:48,381
- [girl screams]
- [audience laughter]
244
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:50,082
ANDY:
Being a natural pigeon whisperer
245
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:52,351
was both a blessing and a curse.
246
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,186
- But usually a curse.
- [man exclaims]
247
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,755
[woman laughs]
248
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,290
[audience applauding]
249
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,161
Your parents probably don't
wanna hurt your feelings,
250
00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:04,163
- but we will.
- [audience laughter]
251
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:06,399
So we're counting down
the top ten signs
252
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:08,701
your parents like
the dog more than you
253
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,302
with number six.
254
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,340
They always
let the dog upstage you.
255
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:16,575
[man groans]
256
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:19,545
[audience applauding]
257
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,649
Let's take a long,
nostalgic look back
258
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,484
at the animals
of yesteryear.
259
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,787
It's time for Pet-Tastic Pets.
260
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,589
♪ I got a perfect... ♪
261
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,459
ANDY: She had always
seen herself as a solo act,
262
00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:36,929
but secretly, the dog had been
working on a harmony line.
263
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,131
- [dog barks]
- [woman screams]
264
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:40,533
[audience laughter]
265
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,368
ANDY: There was
a reason tourists called these
266
00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:44,403
the friendliest waters
on the planet.
267
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,839
The locals were quick to
welcome them with open arms.
268
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,041
[woman exclaims]
269
00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:52,778
Now that is
a welcoming committee.
270
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,214
[man laughs]
271
00:11:55,247 --> 00:11:58,517
Let the other neighborhood dogs
play fetch and dig holes.
272
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,487
Puddles just wanted to grab
some branch and hang out.
273
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,022
[audience laughter]
274
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,390
This is why Leonard started
275
00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:05,925
wearing a bathing suit
every night.
276
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,462
[audience laughter]
277
00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:12,064
MAN: There's a chipmunk
in this bathroom.
278
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:14,767
Don't know where he is,
but he's in this bathroom.
279
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,802
- [audience laughter]
- And I made this thingy
280
00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:20,940
so that, uh, he can get out.
281
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:22,641
All right, we're going.
282
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,777
ANDY: Listen,
it's a solid enough plan,
283
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:27,313
but after years of working
with chipmunks myself,
284
00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:30,015
I can tell you
they're not big on plan.
285
00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,917
MAN: There he is.
It's him. He's back there.
286
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:34,019
All right. Ready?
I'm gonna let him out.
287
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:36,555
Why don't you come out?
[screams]
288
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,658
He's going, he's going.
It's working.
289
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:40,860
ANDY: Well, I'll be darned.
290
00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:42,294
MAN: But he's going, he's going,
291
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,963
- it's working.
- BOY: There goes the chipmunk!
292
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,531
- Yes. Yes.
- BOY: Yes.
293
00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:48,801
Yes, yes. Shut up, chipmunk.
294
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,470
ANDY: Our countdown rolls on.
295
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:52,872
Here's number five.
296
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,407
[upbeat music playing]
297
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,276
[audience laughter]
298
00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:59,612
When they bought
the baby chair for Bruno
299
00:12:59,645 --> 00:13:01,447
and only for Bruno.
300
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:03,516
[audience laughter]
301
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:05,985
[audience applauding]
302
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,954
Don't touch that dial.
303
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:10,689
If your TV still has a dial,
304
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,424
this might be
the only channel you get.
305
00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:14,660
We have a whole lot more
306
00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:16,595
hilarious videos
coming your way.
307
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,531
When "Totally Funny Animals"
returns.
308
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:20,900
[audience cheering]
309
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,173
[upbeat music playing]
310
00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:32,344
WOMAN: Are you okay?
311
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,652
I'm exercising.
312
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:41,887
[man chuckles]
313
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:44,156
[audience laughter]
314
00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:47,660
[audience laughter]
315
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:50,262
[audience applauding]
316
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:53,399
All night long, we've been
counting down the top ten signs
317
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:56,035
your parents like
the dog more than you.
318
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:58,637
There are probably
at least a hundred signs,
319
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,206
but we're just
doing the top ten.
320
00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:01,273
[audience laughter]
321
00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:02,975
Let's check out number four.
322
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:06,145
Your wardrobe totally suffers
323
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:09,048
because your parents
let the dog have first dibs
324
00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:10,282
on the hand me down.
325
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:12,718
WOMAN: [laughs]
What are you doing?
326
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:14,386
[audience laughter]
327
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,088
[audience applauding]
328
00:14:16,121 --> 00:14:18,457
If the hustle and bustle
of everyday living
329
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:19,825
is getting you down,
330
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,428
it's always a good idea
to take a deep breath,
331
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:26,232
exhale slowly
and Slow Your Roll.
332
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:29,635
♪♪♪
333
00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:31,070
Make way for Milo.
334
00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:36,675
And look out below.
335
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,043
[audience laughter]
336
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:39,245
Open up.
337
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,047
[audience laughter]
338
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:47,586
It's monster mouth time.
It's monster mouth time.
339
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,988
[audience laughter]
340
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:50,456
He loves this game.
341
00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:51,757
[audience laughter]
342
00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:53,626
He escaped so often,
343
00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:55,694
they just caved
and left a blanket there.
344
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:58,063
[audience laughter]
345
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,532
[audience laughter]
346
00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:05,471
Casper wants a beat.
347
00:15:09,875 --> 00:15:11,377
[audience laughter]
348
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,279
[audience applauding]
349
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:16,515
We are headed back to
the countdown with number three.
350
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:18,717
WOMAN: Is that enough?
351
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,686
Oh, you want them done again?
Okay, hold on.
352
00:15:20,719 --> 00:15:24,023
ANDY: The fact that Petunia gets
flossed to her heart's content
353
00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:27,159
while you've been squeezing that
same empty tube of toothpaste
354
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:28,460
for three weeks.
355
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:29,929
Get your teeth dental flossed.
356
00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:32,231
Ah, there we go.
357
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:33,832
[audience laughter]
358
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,134
[audience applauding]
359
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:37,903
Sure, most dogs
would prefer to run free,
360
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,674
chase the horizon,
maybe sneak into a PG-13 movie.
361
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:45,277
But if they did that,
the world would be chaos.
362
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:47,746
That's why our pets need
to learn to love the leash.
363
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,648
It's for their safety and ours.
364
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,093
ANDY: Sounds like a plan.
365
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,964
This kid clearly knows
the basics of fetch,
366
00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:07,433
but he still has
a few things to learn.
367
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,501
- MAN: Now, it's--
- [boy groans]
368
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:11,470
[audience laughter]
369
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:15,774
ANDY: Wow, that is a lot of dog
for a little lady.
370
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,843
WOMAN: She's only two years old.
371
00:16:17,876 --> 00:16:19,011
[woman laughs]
372
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,814
[woman laughs]
373
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:24,350
ANDY: Fluffy spends
all of outside time
374
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,684
looking for squirrels.
375
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,787
And from now on,
Kyle's gonna spend it
376
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,356
looking where the leash is.
377
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,858
[audience laughter]
378
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,695
It was Kyla's
greatest idea to date.
379
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:39,832
- [Kyla exclaims]
- A dog propelled vehicle.
380
00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:42,001
The only thing
that would make this better
381
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:44,303
would be brakes.
382
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,271
[woman laughs]
383
00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:48,140
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
384
00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:50,943
ANDY: Dad said
bring me your leash
385
00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:52,478
and we can go out for a walk.
386
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,480
[audience laughter]
387
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:57,149
At this rate, it'll be dark
before they get outside.
388
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,984
[audience laughter]
389
00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:01,687
If you took Rascal back in
390
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,689
before he was done
with his business,
391
00:17:03,722 --> 00:17:04,890
he'd let you know.
392
00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:08,694
[audience laughter]
393
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,096
WOMAN: Okay, girls,
time for a walk.
394
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,297
Go ahead, Kelly.
395
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:14,500
Take Toto.
396
00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:18,537
ANDY: Calm,
even keel, and responsible.
397
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:19,605
WOMAN: Let's go bye-bye.
398
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:23,175
ANY: That's why I get to be
the one holding the leash.
399
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:27,479
WOMAN: Go ahead,
cross the street.
400
00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:28,981
ANDY: Don't forget
to look both ways.
401
00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:31,250
WOMAN: This is
how you walk your dog.
402
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:32,885
[audience laughter]
403
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:35,087
[audience applauding]
404
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,022
We have reached
the penultimate video
405
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,224
on our countdown
of the top ten signs
406
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,860
your parents like
the dog more than you.
407
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,962
This is it. Number two.
408
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,764
[upbeat music playing]
409
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,199
[child crying]
410
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,401
ANDY: They let the dog wear
all your best jewelry.
411
00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:51,637
WOMAN: Your necklace?
Where's your necklace?
412
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:54,106
[child crying]
413
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:56,475
WOMAN: You don't wanna
share with Tundra?
414
00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:57,776
[audience laughter]
415
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:58,977
[audience applauding]
416
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,646
There are a whole lot more
417
00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:02,648
hilarious videos
coming your way.
418
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:06,051
And you'll see the number one
video on our countdown
419
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,153
when "Totally Funny Animals"
continues.
420
00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:09,988
[audience cheering]
421
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,895
[upbeat music playing]
422
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:22,201
[woman laughs]
423
00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:30,242
[woman laughs]
424
00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:32,611
[audience laughter]
425
00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:34,213
- [audience applauding]
- [Andy laughs]
426
00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:38,150
All show long,
we have been confronting
427
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:41,854
the top ten signs your parents
like the dog more than you.
428
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,388
But before we reveal
429
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:45,524
the uncomfortable truth
of number one,
430
00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:47,759
let's take another look
at the first nine.
431
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,394
[upbeat music playing]
432
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,763
Number ten, the crib cribber.
433
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,500
WOMAN: What is Bandit
doing in your bed?
434
00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:57,069
ANDY: Number nine,
the pampered pooch.
435
00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:00,906
Number eight,
the menacing mathematician.
436
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:02,007
MAN: What's two plus one?
437
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,576
[dog barks three times]
438
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:07,646
ANDY: Number seven,
the aristocratic pup.
439
00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:10,115
Number six, dogpile on Kinney.
440
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,416
[girl groans]
441
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,453
ANDY: Number five,
rockabye puppy.
442
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:18,757
Number four,
designer T-shirt canine.
443
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:23,929
Number three,
top-notch dental care.
444
00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:25,297
Top-notch!
445
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,499
WOMAN: Oh, good girl.
446
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:28,834
ANDY: Number two,
447
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,903
they let the dog wear
all your best jewelry.
448
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:33,071
- [child crying]
- [audience laughter]
449
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:34,439
[audience applauding]
450
00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:37,409
And now on our countdown
of the top ten signs
451
00:19:37,442 --> 00:19:39,745
your parents like
the dog more than you,
452
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:42,748
we are proud
to present number one.
453
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,753
Every single video
of you as a child
454
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,622
very quickly became...
455
00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:55,194
a video of the family dog.
456
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:56,695
[audience laughter]
457
00:19:56,728 --> 00:19:57,930
MAN: Snoopy.
458
00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:59,464
Hi, Snoopy.
459
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,935
Snoopy. Hi, Snoopy.
460
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,737
ANDY: You just can't compete
with canine charisma.
461
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,640
[audience applauding]
462
00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:12,511
Who has more fun than we do?
463
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:13,645
Nobody.
464
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:15,881
In fact,
we'll have even more fun
465
00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:19,117
when we do this again on the
next "Totally Funny Animals."
466
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,252
Good night, everybody.
467
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,788
[audience cheering]
468
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:30,128
[upbeat music playing]
31287
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