Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,368 --> 00:00:03,403
[theme music plays]
2
00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:06,473
[audience cheers and applauds]
3
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,346
Greetings,
I'm your host, Andy Woodhull,
4
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:15,448
and welcome
to "Totally Funny Animals."
5
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:17,951
This show
is like a trip to the vet,
6
00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:20,720
but without any of the shots
and uncomfortable probing.
7
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,956
[audience laughs]
8
00:00:22,989 --> 00:00:25,191
The stereotype
is that cats and dogs
9
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,559
are natural enemies
10
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:28,028
and are constantly fighting
11
00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:30,597
in the most intense
and brutal ways imaginable.
12
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,832
Sort of like me
and my girlfriend
13
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,367
when there's just
one cookie left.
14
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:35,568
[audience laughs]
15
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,138
Oh, she will throw down
for baked goods.
16
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:41,207
At least cats and dogs
have their own way
17
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:42,275
of working things out.
18
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:47,213
Blinky and Jerry were meeting
for the very first time,
19
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,948
and it would define
the parameters
20
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,683
of their relationship forever.
21
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:51,885
[owners exclaim]
22
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:53,486
Yeah, these two
are gonna get along
23
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,088
just fine.
24
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:57,290
[sneaky music plays]
25
00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:59,125
Maisie was a fidgety cat.
26
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,394
Always had to be fiddling
with something.
27
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:05,165
Especially when Roscoe
was trying to take a nap.
28
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:07,901
Drove him crazy.
29
00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:10,403
So, it was time
to get Maisie to stop it.
30
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:12,539
Then Roscoe upped his game.
31
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,007
[Roscoe growls, barks]
32
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:19,079
"Listen, Kitty,
I know you're new around here,
33
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,347
"but there's a hierarchy
in this house."
34
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:22,749
[audience laughs]
35
00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:24,451
When Mitch and Murray
were chowing down,
36
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,352
they could focus
on nothing else.
37
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:30,123
No matter how hard Luna tried
to distract them.
38
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:32,158
OWNER: Luna!
39
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:35,695
Leave them alone.
40
00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:39,265
[audience laughs]
41
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,767
Biting him?
42
00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:45,472
- ANDY: They were laser focused.
- [audience laughs]
43
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,207
They'll play with Luna
after dessert.
44
00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:49,742
"Tag! You're it."
45
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,480
"Listen, cat,
46
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:55,648
"I don't know how to make it
any more clear.
47
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,751
"Stop playing with my foot."
48
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,421
[audience laughs, applauds]
49
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,125
They are cute,
cuddly, and loving.
50
00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:07,093
But they also refuse
to pay you back
51
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,295
the money you lent them
for chew toys.
52
00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:12,265
So, tonight,
we are counting down
53
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:14,567
our top ten animal arguments.
54
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:16,703
The debate begins
with number ten.
55
00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:19,005
- [cat meows]
- OWNER: What's your problem?
56
00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:20,940
ANDY: Oh, do you really
want to get him started?
57
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,109
- [cat meows]
- You asked for it.
58
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,245
- Do you have an attitude?
- [cat meows]
59
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,646
- [audience laughs]
- Are you rude?
60
00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:27,714
[cat meows]
61
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:31,818
- Are you sassy?
- [cat meows]
62
00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:32,886
Do you talk back?
63
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,322
- [cat meows]
- [audience laughs, applauds]
64
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,493
It happens to all of us.
65
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:43,563
You stand at a safe distance,
nowhere near the action.
66
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:45,165
You feel like
you're out of harm's way
67
00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:46,266
and then, bam!
68
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:47,967
A ball bounces off
a dog's nose
69
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,469
and hits you
right in the face.
70
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,404
You are collateral damage.
71
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:55,708
You got to throw it
as far as you can,
72
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:56,976
because if you come up short...
73
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,344
MAN: [indistinct]!
74
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,146
ANDY: ...then you could
just be in the way.
75
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,916
MAN: Not now, [indistinct]!
[laughs]
76
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,085
You okay, buddy?
77
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:08,488
Yay, Jack!
78
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:09,989
[audience laughs]
79
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,926
ANDY: When all you have
is a sofa and a chair,
80
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:15,962
the sofa is where all the action
is going to take place.
81
00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:20,600
♪♪♪
82
00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:23,736
You shouldn't play chicken
with a sheep.
83
00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:27,740
- [man blows raspberries]
- [woman laughs]
84
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,709
MAN: Here, buddy.
You want some corn?
85
00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:32,078
ANDY: Deer may have a reputation
of being peaceful,
86
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:33,379
even skittish.
87
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,315
MAN: Here, Matthew,
give him some of this.
88
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:37,350
ANDY: But you should still
watch your back around them.
89
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,186
- [man laughs]
- [audience laughs]
90
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,022
Renata loved watching
her big sister train the dog
91
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,391
- in the backyard.
- [indistinct].
92
00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:47,694
- ANDY: Very impressive.
- [indistinct].
93
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:50,230
But Renata
didn't only want to watch.
94
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,034
Renata wanted to help
train the dog.
95
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,971
[man laughs]
96
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,406
What is it, Gord?
97
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,142
ANDY: Gordy was doing his best
to assess the situation.
98
00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:06,446
He'd never seen
anything like it...
99
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:07,614
[woman laughs]
100
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:08,881
...and didn't want anyone
to get hurt.
101
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:12,218
- WOMAN: Oh, my God.
- ANDY: Especially Grandma.
102
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,754
WOMAN: Oh! [laughs] Oh, God!
103
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:17,857
ANDY: When it was bath time
for Larry...
104
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,527
it sometimes became bath time
for Linda.
105
00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:25,098
- [man laughs]
- [audience laughs]
106
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:32,639
We are counting down
the top ten animal arguments.
107
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:35,308
Things are getting mighty heated
with number nine.
108
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,711
Every day, the same argument.
109
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:41,247
- OWNER: Your breath stinks.
- [dog howls]
110
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:45,318
- Your breath stinks.
- [dog howls]
111
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:46,786
Your breath stinks.
112
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,689
- [dog barks]
- Your breath stinks.
113
00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:51,624
[audience laughs, applauds]
114
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,662
The ocean is great,
lakes are lovely,
115
00:04:55,695 --> 00:04:57,597
sitting poolside is amazing,
116
00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,099
and we all love
a raging river.
117
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,101
But when you can't hit
one of those locations,
118
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,636
you can always do what I do.
119
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,571
Turn on the sprinklers
in the backyard
120
00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:06,839
and close your eyes.
121
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,675
Just pretend
you're somewhere magical.
122
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,543
It works
if you've been drinking enough.
123
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,381
♪ Don't worry about it,
I got it ♪
124
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,917
♪ Anything you want,
I got it ♪
125
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,753
♪ Don't worry about it,
I got it ♪
126
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:23,489
♪ Anything you want,
I got it ♪
127
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:26,693
♪ Saying yes to you
is a habit ♪
128
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:29,329
♪ Whatever you want,
you can grab it ♪
129
00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:30,563
♪ You can get two ♪
130
00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:32,265
♪ Of the same if you want ♪
131
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,801
♪ Go and grab something
for your mama and your aunt ♪
132
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,670
♪ You know I like
putting a smile on your face ♪
133
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:40,073
♪ Treat you
like every day's your birthday ♪
134
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:42,442
♪ I can have anything I want? ♪
135
00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:45,178
♪ Anything you want,
go, get it, baby ♪
136
00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:47,113
♪ It ain't tricking
if you got it ♪
137
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,816
♪ I ain't tripping
because I got it ♪
138
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:53,419
♪ Hey, don't worry about it,
I got it ♪
139
00:05:56,956 --> 00:06:00,059
And the countdown continues
with number eight.
140
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,961
So, early this morning,
Snickers hit me,
141
00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:03,296
like, right square
in my forehead.
142
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:05,665
I'm trying to see
if I can get her to do it again.
143
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:07,533
ANDY: Behave, you two.
144
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,035
- [Snickers meows]
- [owner laughs]
145
00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:11,104
[audience laughs, applauds]
146
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:13,373
You think that was great?
147
00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:16,008
You ain't seen nothing yet.
So, don't go anywhere.
148
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,477
We're going to be right back
149
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,212
with more
"Totally Funny Animals".
150
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:22,281
- [theme music plays]
- [audience cheers, applauds]
151
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:29,389
♪♪♪
152
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,325
[audience laughs]
153
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,165
- [woman laughs]
- [audience laughs]
154
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:42,802
[audience laughs]
155
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:44,937
- [balloon pops]
- [woman gasps]
156
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:47,140
- [laughs]
- [audience laughs]
157
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,642
[baby laughs]
158
00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:52,979
[woman laughs]
159
00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:56,048
[audience laughs, applauds]
160
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,719
Now, I don't want
to fight about it,
161
00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:02,588
but we've been counting down
the top ten animal arguments
162
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:03,790
all show long.
163
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:05,658
Let's take a look
at lucky number seven.
164
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,060
[gobbles]
165
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,729
OWNER: Flower,
what in the heck
166
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,063
are you doing
in my kitchen?
167
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,266
[gobbles]
168
00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:14,767
[audience laughs]
169
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:17,503
I've just been mopping,
the floor's not even dry yet,
170
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:19,138
and I have a buzzard...
171
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,607
ANDY: Whoa!
Name calling isn't necessary.
172
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:23,109
OWNER: ...mucking up the floor.
173
00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:25,511
Mayflower, what do you have
to say for yourself?
174
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:28,581
[gobbles]
175
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:32,251
I'd say if you plan to live
past Thanksgiving...
176
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:34,854
don't ever
pull this stunt again.
177
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:37,223
- Do you hear me?
- ANDY: Oh, Mayflower hears you.
178
00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:38,958
- [audience laughs]
- [gobbles]
179
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:42,662
OWNER: Are we understood?
No turkeys in the kitchen, ever.
180
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:45,164
Period. You were not invited.
181
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,899
- [gobbles]
- Yeah.
182
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:50,203
[audience laughs, applauds]
183
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:52,939
All right, folks,
we here at "Totally Funny
Animals"
184
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,274
are thrilled and honored
to introduce you
185
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,576
to our new sponsor.
186
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,911
An exciting new animatronic
stuffed animal
187
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,746
named Mr. Happy.
188
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,348
A great gift for any kid.
189
00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:04,884
They're also perfect
for young looking adults.
190
00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:06,853
- [audience laughs]
- I have two of them.
191
00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,421
[audience laughs]
192
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:10,256
Hey, kids!
193
00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:12,959
Allow me to introduce you
to Mr. Happy,
194
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,894
the dancing doggy.
195
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,797
Mr. Happy busts the move
all on his own,
196
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,266
without the need
for batteries or wires.
197
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,168
Incredible!
198
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:25,137
After a series
of class action lawsuits,
199
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:28,174
we here at TFA Industries
are proud to announce
200
00:08:28,207 --> 00:08:31,477
that the new Mr. Happy doll
is totally non-toxic.
201
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,012
And that's not all!
202
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:35,615
Mr. Happy is 100% ferret powered
203
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:37,316
and ferret operated.
204
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,384
That's right.
205
00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:39,852
Just slip your pet ferret
206
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:43,289
into Mr. Happy's patent pending
secret compartment.
207
00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:45,391
Mr. Happy, the Dancing Dog.
208
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:48,828
Available in toy and pet stores
almost anywhere.
209
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,663
Product unavailable
in Alaska, Hawaii,
210
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:51,964
or any of the other states.
211
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,966
- Ferret not included.
- [audience laughs]
212
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,535
[audience applauds]
213
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:58,971
We all grew up
with the fairy tale
214
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:00,172
of a frog prince.
215
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,874
A princess kisses a frog,
216
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:04,010
and it turns
into the man of her dreams.
217
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,212
If you ask me,
that's way more convenient
218
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:07,914
than any of those dating apps.
219
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,215
[audience laughs]
220
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:12,451
That's why I kiss every frog
I come across,
221
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,420
hoping one will turn
into a smart,
222
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:15,655
beautiful princess.
223
00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:17,723
Of course,
if she was all that smart,
224
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:19,859
how'd she get turned
into a frog in the first place?
225
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,027
[audience laughs]
226
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,795
But I'll keep kissing
those frogs.
227
00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:25,298
One might just turn
into a princess one day.
228
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:28,534
And if that never happens,
I sort of dig kissing frogs.
229
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,002
- [audience laughs]
- Who knew?
230
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,606
MAN: You could look him
in the eye and kiss him?
231
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,175
ANDY: Sometimes
the whole kissing the frog thing
232
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:37,643
is easier said than done.
233
00:09:38,544 --> 00:09:40,346
MAN: Kiss his mouth,
why are you kissing his back?
234
00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:41,881
[indistinct]
235
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,482
ANDY: You can
psych yourself out.
236
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:44,550
MAN: Come on.
237
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:46,919
Gonna kiss him?
238
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,956
ANDY: Best to let someone else
do it first.
239
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:52,258
- Like the dog.
- MAN: Oh, that's a good dog.
240
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,493
- Hey.
- [laughs]
241
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,561
Okay.
242
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,631
ANDY: And if all else fails...
243
00:09:58,664 --> 00:09:59,799
MAN: Miles, sit down.
244
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,002
...some help
from your sister.
245
00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:04,770
[screams]
246
00:10:05,504 --> 00:10:08,140
- Hop attack!
- WOMAN: Oh! [laughs]
247
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,208
What'd you catch?
248
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,644
The [indistinct] frog.
249
00:10:12,878 --> 00:10:14,013
WOMAN: Let me see.
250
00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:16,048
ANDY: Um, are you sure
about that?
251
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:17,383
[screams]
252
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,621
Olivia found a frog.
A baby frog.
253
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:23,889
- Baby.
- WOMAN: Yeah, it's a baby frog.
254
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:25,558
Baby frog.
255
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:27,660
ANDY: A baby frog
that's a little clingy.
256
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:30,062
WOMAN: If the frog kisses,
maybe he'll turn into a prince.
257
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:31,163
- [woman gasps]
- [Olivia exclaims]
258
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:34,500
- [woman laughs]
- [Olivia cries]
259
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,135
[audience applauds]
260
00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:40,673
We've been counting down
the top ten animal arguments,
261
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:42,541
and I'm getting
pretty worked up over it.
262
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:45,544
- [audience laughs]
- Sorry. Here's number six.
263
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:48,180
Tucker has something to say.
264
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:49,682
[Tucker snorts]
265
00:10:50,182 --> 00:10:53,019
And it is something
I will not be repeating.
266
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,253
OWNER: What's your problem
today?
267
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:57,223
- Hmm?
- [Tucker snorts]
268
00:10:57,256 --> 00:10:58,891
- [audience laughs]
- Why are you so grumpy?
269
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:00,760
[Tucker snorts]
270
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,062
Well, happy Friday to you, too.
271
00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:05,831
- [Tucker snorts]
- [audience laughs, applauds]
272
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,168
Let's put on
our white cotton gloves
273
00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:11,070
and enter
the temperature controlled vault
274
00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:12,204
of animal videos
275
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,272
to check out tonight's...
276
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,441
pet-tastic pets.
277
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:19,545
"I just haven't seen it
since the summer,
278
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:22,648
"but I know that tennis ball
is out here somewhere."
279
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,116
[audience laughs]
280
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,685
[man laughs]
281
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,156
This is the last time
he rode Samson
282
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:31,891
- without a helmet.
- [boy laughs]
283
00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:35,661
[man laughs]
284
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:41,434
Best night ever!
285
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:44,870
[sneaky music plays]
286
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:48,107
[groans] "Tap water?
Really? In a bowl?
287
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:52,178
"Could I get some sparkling
and a wine glass, please?"
288
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,746
[audience laughs]
289
00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:57,116
This roomba had
some real attachment issues.
290
00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,686
- [woman laughs]
- [audience laughs]
291
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,756
WOMAN: She's saying no, honey.
292
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:05,858
ANDY: It was
a once in a lifetime experience
293
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:09,161
to be this close to buffalo
in their natural habitat.
294
00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:11,163
WOMAN: [laughs]
He's all confused.
295
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:12,431
- MAN: He's like--
- WOMAN: Ow!
296
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,266
ANDY: Then things got
a little too real.
297
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,769
[woman exclaims]
298
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,671
- MAN: Oh, my word.
- [woman laughs]
299
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:20,039
ANDY: I'm sure
that'll buff right out.
300
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,374
[audience laughs, applauds]
301
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,543
ANDY: Our countdown rolls on.
302
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,178
Here's number five.
303
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,480
WOMAN: Mom's gonna be
right back.
304
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:29,949
- [Pugsley shrieks]
- I'll be right back.
305
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:33,152
ANDY: Leaving Pugsley was hard
and she never came back.
306
00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:35,221
[audience laughs, applauds]
307
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:38,124
Don't you dare go anywhere,
308
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:40,726
because "Totally Funny Animals"
will be right back
309
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,194
with more of our countdown
310
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,730
and a whole herd
of hilarious videos.
311
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,966
[audience cheers]
312
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:53,038
♪♪♪
313
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:54,974
OWNER: Go on!
314
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:58,511
[laughing]
315
00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:02,548
- [woman laughs]
- [audience laughs]
316
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,316
[woman laughs]
317
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:08,587
[woman laughs]
318
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:12,291
[audience laughs, applauds]
319
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:16,195
All show long
we've been counting down
320
00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:18,497
the top ten animal arguments.
321
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,833
It's time to check out
number four.
322
00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:24,036
[dog cries]
323
00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:27,273
Uh-oh. Bo went up
the stairs again.
324
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,175
OWNER: Come on, no.
See?
325
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,477
You gotta come down the stairs.
326
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:32,545
[dog cries]
327
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,381
Who told you
to go up the stairs anyway?
328
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:38,050
- [dog cries]
- Who told you to go upstairs?
329
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:40,753
ANDY: And he is not happy
about it.
330
00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:43,522
[dog cries]
331
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,691
OWNER: Look,
don't be mad at me.
332
00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:47,760
[dog cries]
333
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,497
When I left,
you was downstairs.
334
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,800
ANDY: Okay,
you better bring him down
335
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,368
before the neighbors complain.
336
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:59,205
- [dog cries]
- [audience laughs, applauds]
337
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,143
When I'm alone in my house,
I do some things
338
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,011
that I would never feel
comfortable doing here.
339
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:09,381
I dance around in my pajamas,
340
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,250
sing show tunes
in the shower,
341
00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:13,285
and I eat
bologna sandwiches.
342
00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:14,687
[audience laughs]
343
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,188
That last one
isn't embarrassing.
344
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,190
I just would never eat
a bologna sandwich
345
00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:21,193
in front of you
because, well, I chew funny.
346
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:22,528
[audience laughs]
347
00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:24,263
It's just one of
the many things you do
348
00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:25,631
when you think
no one is looking.
349
00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:29,268
The coast was clear,
350
00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:31,837
so Petunia the pig
figured it was time to party.
351
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:38,043
Oh, yeah!
Let's go hog wild!
352
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,615
Ray was a master of disguise.
353
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,018
It took Nutty a second
to notice the camera.
354
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:48,587
And just like that,
355
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,890
four years in the witness
protection program
356
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:53,792
- went right down the drain.
- [audience laughs]
357
00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:56,228
[woman exclaims]
358
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,031
It was then she knew
to never tie him
359
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,399
to loose objects again.
360
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:03,869
Then the whole neighborhood
knew too.
361
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:05,971
[woman screams]
362
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:11,176
Most of the family love
Sarge the German shepherd.
363
00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:12,912
But for whatever reason,
364
00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:14,647
he and Lucy
just never hit it off.
365
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:18,517
LUCY: Mom!
366
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:22,488
[audience laughs, applauds]
367
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:25,491
We are headed back
to the countdown
368
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:26,659
with number three.
369
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,495
MAN: I said yes.
370
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:30,796
[crow imitates speech] Uh-uh.
371
00:15:30,829 --> 00:15:32,064
MAN: I said yes.
372
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:33,999
[crow imitates speech] Uh-uh.
373
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:36,368
ANDY: There is no arguing
with a crow.
374
00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:37,836
- [audience laughs]
- [crow imitates speech] Uh-uh.
375
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:38,904
MAN: I said go.
376
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:42,841
- [crow imitates speech] Uh-uh.
- MAN: You better leave.
377
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:46,178
- [crow imitates speech] Uh-uh.
- [audience laughs]
378
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:47,913
MAN: You better get going.
379
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:48,981
[crow imitates speech] Uh-uh.
380
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:51,016
ANDY: Okay, now he's bored.
381
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:53,585
[audience laughs, applauds]
382
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:57,222
Fewer things
bring more joy to a dog
383
00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:58,924
than the humble tennis ball.
384
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,492
They love them so much,
385
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,062
they probably shouldn't even
be called tennis balls at all.
386
00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:05,331
Call them
"puppy funtime spheres."
387
00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:08,534
- [audience laughs]
- Or dog drool sponges.
388
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:09,702
[audience laughs]
389
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,837
Not many dogs
play tennis anyway.
390
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,105
They can't really hold
the racket.
391
00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:18,577
"Too high!"
392
00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:20,179
[audience laughs]
393
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:24,216
[groans] "I hate
when Grandma visits.
394
00:16:27,219 --> 00:16:30,389
"She has no idea
how to use these things."
395
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:34,460
♪♪♪
396
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:37,763
"A little help?
397
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,269
- "Hey, thanks, fellas."
- [audience laughs]
398
00:16:45,537 --> 00:16:48,374
- [Butters chirps]
- [dog barks]
399
00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:52,411
Butters was one cruel cockatoo.
400
00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,214
- [dog barks]
- [Butters chirps]
401
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,418
- [audience laughs]
- [dog barks]
402
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:01,787
MAN: Where's your ball?
403
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:04,990
ANDY: "It's right through there.
404
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,959
"Right next
to that little white dog."
405
00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:08,761
MAN: Can you get your ball?
Can you get it?
406
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:11,163
Look, it's right here. Look.
407
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:14,400
[dog whimpers]
408
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,769
ANDY: "As soon
as that little white dog
409
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:18,370
"gets distracted,
410
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:19,838
"it'll be time to strike."
411
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:22,241
WOMAN: Hunter.
412
00:17:22,274 --> 00:17:24,309
ANDY: Hunter is a dog
who wants it all...
413
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,377
Ready?
414
00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:31,750
ANDY: ...and gets it all.
415
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,553
[audience laughs, applauds]
416
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:40,826
It's been a real brawl fest
as we count down
417
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:43,062
the top ten animal arguments.
418
00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:45,697
Let's get it going.
Number two, coming at you.
419
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,935
[pig squeals]
420
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,940
- WOMAN: You better stop it.
- [pig squeals]
421
00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:56,575
Little boy, you better quit.
422
00:17:57,276 --> 00:17:59,445
ANDY: This is exactly
why they can't bring him
423
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:02,748
to restaurants, movie theaters
or church on Sunday.
424
00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:05,150
- [pig squeals]
- WOMAN: You don't-- Hey!
425
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:06,952
You stop back talking.
426
00:18:06,985 --> 00:18:08,921
[audience applauds]
427
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:12,758
Stick around, folks,
because when we come back,
428
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:14,393
we will share
our number one video
429
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:15,761
on today's countdown.
430
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:18,030
There's a whole lot more
"Totally Funny Animals"
431
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:19,498
coming your way.
432
00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:22,367
- [theme music plays]
- [audience cheers, applauds]
433
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:26,405
♪ Hey ♪
434
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,475
♪ In this city,
loyalty means everything ♪
435
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:30,776
♪ Let's go ♪
436
00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:32,244
♪ But in order
to get respect ♪
437
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,679
♪ You gotta earn it ♪
438
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,014
♪ Yeah, turn me up ♪
439
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,617
♪ Hey, what you know
about respect ♪
440
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:39,952
♪ Respect, I got nix ♪
441
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:43,288
♪ Live my life
with no regrets ♪
442
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,424
♪ What you know about respect ♪
443
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:48,227
♪ To be the best,
you gotta work till you get it ♪
444
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:49,761
♪ And grind
until there's nothing left ♪
445
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:56,969
We have been counting down
our top ten animal arguments
446
00:18:57,002 --> 00:18:58,403
all show long.
447
00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:00,072
And while there should be
no argument
448
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:02,007
when it comes
to our number one pick,
449
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,809
let's take
another nostalgic look
450
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:05,043
at our first nine.
451
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,148
Number ten, kitty cat clash.
452
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:10,382
[cat meows]
453
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:12,885
Number nine, the halitosis howl.
454
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,786
- OWNER: Your breath stinks.
- [dog howls]
455
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,722
ANDY: Number eight,
feline face off.
456
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:17,990
[owner laughs]
457
00:19:18,023 --> 00:19:21,226
- Number seven, the turkey spat.
- [gobbles]
458
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:24,363
Number six,
the porcine polemic.
459
00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:27,032
Number five,
severe separation anxiety.
460
00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:28,600
- WOMAN: Be right back
- [Pugsley shrieks]
461
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:30,969
ANDY: Number four,
the staircase deliberation.
462
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,105
WOMAN: Who told you
to go up the stairs anyway?
463
00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:34,940
ANDY: Number three,
the uh-uh-altercation.
464
00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:36,208
MAN: You better get out of here.
465
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:37,276
[crow imitates speech] Uh-uh.
466
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:38,544
ANDY: And number two,
467
00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:40,345
the maximum messy mediation.
468
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,681
- WOMAN: You don't back talk.
- [pig squeals]
469
00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:48,654
And now, on our countdown
of the top ten animal arguments,
470
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,223
we proudly present number one.
471
00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:54,059
- [goat bleats]
- I'm sorry.
472
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,729
- [goat mumbles]
- [all laugh]
473
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,565
ANDY: Never argue with a goat.
474
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:00,832
[goat mumbles]
475
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,869
WOMAN: You made him
get the corn.
476
00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:07,005
ANDY: You'll never change
its mind.
477
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,575
- [goat mumbles]
- [indistinct].
478
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:13,478
[audience cheers, applauds]
479
00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:15,314
Hope you had as much fun
as we did.
480
00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:16,982
And we can't wait
to see you again
481
00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:19,151
on an all new
"Totally Funny Animals."
482
00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:20,619
Good night, everybody.
483
00:20:20,652 --> 00:20:23,455
- [theme music plays]
- [audience cheers, applauds]
484
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:30,662
[theme music plays]
33020
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof