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1
00:00:00,734 --> 00:00:03,770
[theme song plays]
2
00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:06,873
[audience cheers and applauds]
3
00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:11,177
Hello, everyone.
I'm Andy Woodhull
4
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,747
and welcome to
"Totally Funny Animals."
5
00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:16,182
Think of us as your own
personal Noah's Ark,
6
00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:19,486
except we have way more
than just two of every animal
7
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:22,088
and we don't have anyone
on the crew named Noah.
8
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:23,189
[audience laughs]
9
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:25,091
So I guess it's Andy's ark.
10
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,493
[audience laughs]
11
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:28,795
You know, it's funny
how dog is man's best friend
12
00:00:28,828 --> 00:00:31,197
but diamonds
are a girl's best friend.
13
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:33,400
It doesn't seem fair-- to girls.
14
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:34,467
[audience laughs]
15
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:35,835
I've never heard of a diamond
16
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,670
with two million
Instagram followers.
17
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,839
[trap music plays]
18
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,075
Come on, you can get it!
19
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:43,777
Keep going!
20
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:46,780
So close!
21
00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:49,749
It's going to be so worth it
when you finally get it.
22
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:51,051
[audience laughs]
23
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:54,020
♪♪♪
24
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:58,625
That was a lot of work
for a very little reward.
25
00:00:58,658 --> 00:00:59,893
[audience laughs]
26
00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:01,694
"Megan, sit back honey."
27
00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:04,230
[audience laughs]
28
00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:06,366
WOMAN: So what are you doing?
29
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,268
Putting snails on my face.
30
00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:09,569
WOMAN: Why?
31
00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:10,937
I don't know, they're cute.
32
00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:12,172
WOMAN: They are cute.
33
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:14,607
ANDY: "Cute" is such
a subjective term.
34
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:16,176
[girl screams] Oh, my God!
35
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:17,243
ANDY: The best thing about
36
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:18,878
sledding with Allie pulling is,
37
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,413
you don't really need the sled.
38
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:22,682
[audience laughs]
39
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:25,919
Charlie
is the most patient dog...
40
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:27,520
MAN: Charlie, stay.
41
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:29,389
- CHILD: Stay.
- MAN: Stay.
42
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,623
ANDY: ...in the world.
43
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:31,758
MAN: Stay.
44
00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:33,426
CHILD: Stay.
45
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,762
[children and man laughing]
46
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:37,897
ANDY: What he won't do
for his family?
47
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,466
MAN: I can't hold
my phone steady
48
00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:40,834
I'm laughin' so hard.
49
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,504
ANDY: Even the most patient dog
in the world has limits.
50
00:01:44,537 --> 00:01:46,106
MAN: Aw! [indistinct]
51
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:48,641
ALL: Aw!
52
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:51,444
[rock music plays]
53
00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:53,346
ANDY: And we're off!
54
00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:54,814
♪♪♪
55
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:57,817
[baby laughs]
56
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,285
Come on, baby Emily,
57
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:01,654
it's time
for a little doggy rodeo!
58
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:03,790
[baby laughs]
59
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:06,659
Yeehaw, baby Emily, yeehaw!
60
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:08,995
WOMAN: Kenna.
61
00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:10,663
Kenna, tell me what happened.
62
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:13,199
I got into the cupboards
63
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,702
and I looked at
something pretty.
64
00:02:16,402 --> 00:02:18,771
- WOMAN: Was it the paint?
- Yeah.
65
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,107
ANDY: Oh, it was the paint,
all right.
66
00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,877
WOMAN: Let's look at Jasper
over there.
67
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,145
Here kitty, kitty, kitty.
68
00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:27,547
Well, he's not white anymore,
isn't he?
69
00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:29,048
Jasper.
70
00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:31,618
Yeah, he's orange and pink.
71
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,454
ANDY: You know, orange and pink
is the new calico.
72
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:38,491
[audience applauds]
73
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:41,594
Animals are often the most
treasured members of the family
74
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,263
and I use the word "treasured"
75
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:45,498
because they can cost
a small fortune.
76
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:47,300
So, tonight,
we're counting down
77
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:51,004
the top 10 times you wondered
why the pet got so expensive.
78
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:53,206
Let's start it off
with number 10.
79
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:54,908
[mysterious music plays]
80
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,243
Hmm, a money trail.
81
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,679
Time to track down the culprit.
82
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:01,748
[man laughs]
83
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:04,150
Eddie, how could you?
84
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,652
[audience laughs]
85
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,954
[audience applauds]
86
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:11,090
When people enviously say,
"It's a dog's life,"
87
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,725
I think they're referring
to the fact
88
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,595
that some dogs sleep
about 17 hours a day,
89
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,463
which is what I aspire to.
90
00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:19,532
[upbeat music plays]
91
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:21,501
Kailyn was enjoying
her vacation
92
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,803
away from the daily
grind of kindergarten.
93
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,073
Wind in her hair
and plenty of snacks.
94
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:29,342
[audience laughs]
95
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,311
Well, still has
the wind in her hair.
96
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:33,179
[audience laughs]
97
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,714
WOMAN: The bubble's coming?
98
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:36,149
Are the bubbles coming?
99
00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:38,418
ANDY: Oh, the bubbles
are definitely coming
100
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:41,521
and the anticipation
is palpable.
101
00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:45,358
[dogs barking]
102
00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:52,432
It really is
the highlight of their day.
103
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:53,766
[audience laughs]
104
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,268
- WOMAN: Look in that bucket.
- Wow!
105
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:57,804
ANDY: In her defense, the only
crabs she had ever seen
106
00:03:57,837 --> 00:04:00,306
were animated in cartoons
about mermaids.
107
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,709
- WOMAN: Don't touch it!
- [girl screams]
108
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:08,248
ANDY: Other dogs may be content
with the doggie paddle
109
00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:09,816
but he likes to shoot the curl,
110
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:12,352
hang ten
and break with the waves.
111
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,389
It's why locals call him
Whitewater Jones.
112
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:22,161
"And that concludes
my morning laps."
113
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,597
"Jeeves, fetch me my towel
114
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:26,165
and a tuna martini."
115
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:30,270
MAN: Bluto...
116
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:32,238
What are you doing?
117
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,640
ANDY: "You know what I'm doing.
118
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:35,642
"Today is spa day.
119
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:36,809
"Where's my cucumber?"
120
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:39,946
When you're a tiny creature
on vacation
121
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:42,548
and often dismissed
for being cute,
122
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,417
you need to stand up
for yourself.
123
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,319
WOMAN: Ow, he's pinching me!
124
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,487
I feel it there.
125
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,821
ANDY: Oh, he may be little
126
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,057
but he will not let you
ruin his vacation.
127
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:52,659
WOMAN: Ow, oh, my God!
128
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:55,228
[audience applauds]
129
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:58,998
Having a dog costs so much,
I should be able to claim mine
130
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,900
as a dependent
when I do my taxes.
131
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,068
[audience laughs]
132
00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:04,070
And so we count down
the top 10 times
133
00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:06,706
you wondered why the pet
got so expensive.
134
00:05:06,739 --> 00:05:07,874
Here's number nine.
135
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:09,642
♪♪♪
136
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:11,411
When Midnight gets
his weekly allowance,
137
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:14,113
don't be thinking
that you can ask him for a loan
138
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,349
because it will not go well.
139
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:17,984
WOMAN: Can I get the money?
140
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:20,153
- [woman screams]
- [man laughs]
141
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:22,555
[audience applauds]
142
00:05:22,588 --> 00:05:24,223
I love that my dog snores.
143
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,426
When I hear it,
I know she's close by,
144
00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:29,262
plus I've gotten
so many cute pictures of her
145
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:30,863
in her sleep apnea mask.
146
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,198
[audience laughs]
147
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:34,701
[gentle piano music plays]
148
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:37,203
[dog snores]
149
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,408
[audience laughs]
150
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,711
[dog snores]
151
00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:48,348
- [audience laughs]
- [dog snores]
152
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,485
[dog snores]
153
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,091
[dog snores]
154
00:05:58,124 --> 00:05:59,726
[audience laughs]
155
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,095
[dog snores]
156
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,963
[audience laughs]
157
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,769
[audience applauds]
158
00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:13,239
ANDY: And the countdown
continues with number eight.
159
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,142
WOMAN: Give that to me, no!
160
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:17,610
No, give it to me.
161
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:19,278
Give it to me.
162
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,848
ANDY: Why does Gigi
always grab the C note?
163
00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:23,983
WOMAN: Bring it back!
164
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:25,385
ANDY: Stakes are just too low
165
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:26,986
if it was a twenty or a ten.
166
00:06:27,353 --> 00:06:30,656
When Gigi grabs a hundred,
she knows the chase is on.
167
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,258
WOMAN: Gigi, bring it back!
168
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:34,227
Give it to me.
169
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:38,264
[audience applauds]
170
00:06:38,297 --> 00:06:40,733
We have only just begun
to bring you the goods,
171
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:43,703
so stick around for more
"Totally Funny Animals."
172
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:46,439
[audience cheers and applauds]
173
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:50,943
[electronic music plays]
174
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,545
♪ One ♪
175
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,347
♪ Two ♪
176
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:55,548
♪ Three ♪
177
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:56,716
♪ Now work ♪
178
00:06:57,683 --> 00:06:59,051
[audience laughs]
179
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:00,720
♪ [indistinct lyrics] ♪
180
00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:02,722
♪ Now work ♪
181
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,624
[audience laughs]
182
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:07,994
[dog snarling]
183
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:09,162
WOMAN: I want your bone.
184
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:10,396
[dog growls]
185
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,931
♪ Now work ♪
186
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,599
♪ To the left ♪
187
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:15,401
♪ To the right ♪
188
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:16,903
♪ Go back ♪
189
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,571
[woman laughs]
190
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:21,140
[audience applauds]
191
00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:25,077
We are counting down
the top 10 times
192
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,780
you wondered
why the pet got so expensive
193
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:30,082
and ka-ching, ka-ching!
194
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,918
We're up to lucky number seven.
195
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,886
♪♪♪
196
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,254
Polly want a cracker?
197
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:38,958
More like Polly want a pizza
delivered in the next half hour.
198
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:40,526
[audience laughs]
199
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,862
And a tip for the driver.
200
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,297
[audience laughs]
201
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:48,334
[audience applauds]
202
00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:50,570
I love big, wacky comedies
203
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:53,873
with crazy characters
in totally absurd situations,
204
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:55,908
and the more animals in it,
the better.
205
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,543
The only disappointment
I ever had
206
00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:58,978
was the movie Animal Farm.
207
00:07:59,011 --> 00:08:01,247
Whoo!
That movie wasn't funny at all.
208
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:02,315
[audience laughs]
209
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:03,683
Actually kind of depressing.
210
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:08,054
That's why I'm so excited
about this new movie coming out.
211
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,758
Butch is a city dog.
212
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,894
Cowabunga!
213
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,964
But when his owner decides
to move to a horse farm...
214
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,832
WOMAN: You ready?
Give me the paw.
215
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:23,135
ANDY: ...this old dog will
have to learn some new tricks.
216
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,570
[country music plays]
217
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,772
"That's enough runnin'
for today."
218
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:28,941
With the help
of some new friends,
219
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:31,410
he'll have to learn
to strut his stuff...
220
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:35,081
"Right foot,
left foot, right foot."
221
00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:36,616
[audience laughs]
222
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:38,451
...and pull his weight.
223
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:42,255
"This is humiliating."
224
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:45,758
Because sometimes,
you hit your lowest lows...
225
00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:49,762
"I'm just a no-good
skateboarding punk city dog,
226
00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:51,564
"and that's all I'll ever be."
227
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:54,800
...before you can reach
your highest highs.
228
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:57,270
Coming this summer.
229
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,139
City Lickers!
230
00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:01,207
Rated PG.
231
00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:04,544
[audience applauds]
232
00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:05,745
I love the snow.
233
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,079
It's pretty, it's fluffy
234
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,248
and it can really wake you up
when you're tired
235
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,050
if you put a handful of it
down your pants.
236
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:13,452
Whoo, boy, that is brisk!
237
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,889
Let's go
to a magical winter wonderland.
238
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:20,960
WOMAN: Paige,
what are you doing?
239
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:22,428
Are you gonna go out, or not?
240
00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:24,297
ANDY: "I am ready
for adventure!"
241
00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:29,268
[man and woman laughing]
242
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,070
MAN: She disappeared!
243
00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:33,339
Look, look, where's she going?
244
00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,441
ANDY: "Where no kitty
has gone before."
245
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:36,576
MAN: She's over there!
246
00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:39,478
[woman laughs]
247
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:40,813
Sage!
248
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:43,683
[man and woman laughing]
249
00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:44,917
What are you doing, Sage?
250
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:47,286
ANDY: "Yeah, on second thought,
251
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,821
"adventure is kind of chilly."
252
00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:50,323
[audience laughs]
253
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:53,292
...two, three!
254
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:55,394
[man laughs]
255
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,563
ANDY: Is it possible
to be bad at snow?
256
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,533
Because I think
Miko is bad at snow.
257
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,969
[audience laughs]
258
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:07,073
One, two, three!
259
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:08,975
[audience laughs]
260
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:12,612
ANDY: Nothin' like a warm dip
in the jacuzzi on a snow day.
261
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,915
[audience laughs]
262
00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:18,084
No need to shovel the walkway...
263
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,154
[woman laughs]
264
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,689
...the dogs will get it.
265
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,791
[woman laughs]
266
00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:29,028
[woman laughs]
267
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:31,931
Snow angels
are for everyone!
268
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:36,602
Snowy weather means cold paws,
269
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:40,039
and dogs with cold paws
sometimes need some comfort.
270
00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:43,509
[audience laughs]
271
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:44,810
"There, there, buddy,
272
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,278
"spring's just around
the corner."
273
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:48,314
[audience laughs]
274
00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:50,616
[audience applauds]
275
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:53,853
We've been counting down
the top 10 times
276
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:56,355
you wondered why the pet
got so expensive.
277
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,858
Let's cash in, with number six.
278
00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:02,495
Whiskers loved it
when the tooth fairy was lazy
279
00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:04,664
and just put the cash
on the bedside table
280
00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,399
instead of under the pillow.
281
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:08,467
Made it so much easier to lift.
282
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,403
"Thank you, tooth fairy!"
283
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:14,273
[audience laughs and applauds]
284
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:15,875
Throw on a velour shirt,
285
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:18,678
some platform shoes,
a wide, plaid tie
286
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:21,514
and maybe even a teal-polyester
leisure suit
287
00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:23,382
because we are totally
rewinding time
288
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:26,152
to watch some Retro Pets.
289
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,354
[retro music plays]
290
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:34,860
If Buck hadn't held her back,
that vacuum would've been sorry.
291
00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:40,666
"It's hard out here for a dog."
292
00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:46,305
WOMAN: What're you doin', boy?
293
00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:47,940
ANDY: "Uh, little help?"
294
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:49,542
WOMAN: What're you doin'?
295
00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:51,877
[woman laughs]
296
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:54,980
ANDY: "Hello?"
297
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:56,515
[audience laughs]
298
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,218
"Some messes you just gotta
clean up yourself."
299
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:02,321
"Oh, no!
300
00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:05,624
"That inflatable killer whale
seems to be in trouble!
301
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,827
"I got this!
302
00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:11,897
"A canine lifeguards job
is never done."
303
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:13,299
[audience laughs]
304
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:16,902
"And thanks for not eating me."
305
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:18,738
[audience laughs]
306
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,640
They did this every morning.
307
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,442
Hammy's lost a few ounces,
308
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,745
Beakley, not so much.
309
00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:28,581
Exercise is easier
when you have a buddy.
310
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:30,382
[audience laughs]
311
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,184
Terry knew the mouse
was in there...
312
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:33,552
[audience laughs]
313
00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:36,856
...and he was not coming out.
314
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:41,594
But Terry was a problem solver.
315
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:43,329
[audience laughs]
316
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:48,067
"There ya go."
317
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,369
[audience laughs, applauds]
318
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:53,873
Our countdown rolls on.
319
00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:55,374
Here's number five.
320
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:59,111
WOMAN: What'd you do, huh?
321
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,247
What'd you do?
322
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,751
Did you do this?
323
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,053
ANDY: What? He needed half
a dollar for bubble gum.
324
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:09,855
WOMAN: Did you eat this?
325
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:12,358
Did you eat this?
326
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,629
[audience applauds]
327
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,664
Don't even think about
going anywhere
328
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,566
because there's more
"Totally Funny Animals"
329
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:21,667
coming right up.
330
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,069
[audience cheers and applauds]
331
00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:30,109
[jazzy music playing]
332
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,629
[audience applauds]
333
00:13:52,364 --> 00:13:54,733
All show long,
we have been counting down
334
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:58,137
the top 10 times you wondered
why the pet got so expensive,
335
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:01,574
and we have gleefully
reached number four.
336
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,577
WOMAN: Now, Linda,
337
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:07,479
do you want the coffee,
or the money?
338
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:08,914
[audience laughs]
339
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:10,549
ANDY: Linda's not
a coffee drinker.
340
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:14,787
[audience applauds]
341
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:17,456
In this country,
all accused animals are innocent
342
00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:18,924
until proven guilty,
343
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,393
even though
they're almost always guilty.
344
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,062
[audience laughs]
345
00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:26,699
And that process always unfolds
judiciously in Critter Court.
346
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,436
WOMAN: Look at these dogs.
347
00:14:30,469 --> 00:14:31,804
ANDY: These are the culprits.
348
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:35,407
WOMAN: Look at my house.
349
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,243
[audience laughs]
350
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:41,413
ANDY: And this is
the crime scene.
351
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,283
[audience laughs]
352
00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:46,485
Children, avert your eyes.
353
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:48,120
[audience laughs]
354
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:50,389
WOMAN: It gets better.
355
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:52,124
ANDY: I don't think
she means that.
356
00:14:52,157 --> 00:14:53,759
[audience laughs]
357
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:55,561
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
358
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:57,463
[audience laughs]
359
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,366
ANDY: Rare footage
of the neighborhood
360
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,067
late-night marshmallow napper!
361
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:07,907
This dog
is guilty of being a rebel.
362
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:09,008
MAN: Sit.
363
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,309
I gotta talk to you,
364
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:11,977
you gotta stop
biting people, okay?
365
00:15:12,811 --> 00:15:14,246
ANDY: Ow!
366
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,349
It's as easy as stealing
flowers from a child.
367
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:19,818
Oh, no!
368
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:26,225
WOMAN: So I heard a noise
coming out of the one bedroom...
369
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,161
and what did I find?
370
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,598
Oh, what happened here?
371
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:33,966
[audience laughs]
372
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,334
What happened?
373
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,703
ANDY: "Uh,
it's kind of a long story."
374
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:44,243
Caught red-handed...
375
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,678
[audience laughs]
376
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,046
and blue-eyed?
377
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:51,884
[audience applauds]
378
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,019
We are headed back
to the countdown
379
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:55,287
with number three!
380
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:57,756
WOMAN: Hey, Reba.
381
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,758
We're not gonna go
to the store for a new bone.
382
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,860
You have all
kinds of bones here, okay?
383
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,162
Mama doesn't have the money
384
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:04,797
to go to the store
for a new bone.
385
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:06,765
ANDY: Like
a Charles Dickens tale,
386
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,234
the story of Reba
was a harrowing journey
387
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:11,136
of struggle and suffering...
388
00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:13,806
WOMAN: Okay? Come on,
389
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:15,307
let's find one
you have here, honey.
390
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:16,408
Come on.
391
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:18,110
ANDY: ...and some pickpocketing.
392
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:19,178
WOMAN: Hey!
393
00:16:19,778 --> 00:16:20,913
Excuse me.
394
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,349
What are you doing?
395
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:25,284
Reba!
396
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,153
ANDY: It's not much,
but it's a start.
397
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:31,256
WOMAN: Did you just
take money out of my purse?
398
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:34,927
[audience applauds]
399
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,029
Sometimes you really
gotta slow down
400
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:38,564
and take your time to enjoy
401
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:40,799
every last bit
of something you love.
402
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,868
A good book,
an ice cream sundae,
403
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:45,838
an entire pizza alone
in your house on a Friday night.
404
00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:47,439
[audience laughs]
405
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:49,174
The same goes
for animal videos.
406
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:52,311
It's always a good time
to Slow Your Roll.
407
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:55,581
Make a wish!
408
00:16:58,217 --> 00:16:59,551
Now make a run for it!
409
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:07,326
The best way
to make dental hygiene fun.
410
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,269
Ah, uhh, itchy nose!
411
00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:21,206
Ahh, that's better.
412
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,176
Time to leap over Boomer...
413
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,114
and he didn't even
move a little.
414
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:30,783
[audience laughs]
415
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,285
[audience applauds]
416
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:38,323
We've been spending cash
like it's goin' out of style,
417
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:40,626
as we count down
the top 10 times
418
00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:42,828
you wondered why the pet
got so expensive.
419
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:44,663
Here it is, number two.
420
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,000
She didn't even care
that it was out in the open.
421
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:51,904
Kitties do brazen things
to get that next hit of catnip.
422
00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:53,105
[audience laughs]
423
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:55,774
"Oh. Hey, Lenny."
424
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:58,977
[audience applauds]
425
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,747
Don't even think
of changing that channel
426
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,382
because we're so close
to revealing
427
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,918
the number one entry
on our countdown
428
00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:08,454
when "Totally Funny Animals"
continues.
429
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:11,023
[audience cheers and applauds]
430
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:16,361
[Western music plays]
431
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:37,349
What are you doing?
432
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,018
WOMAN: Justice at his ball.
433
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:44,022
Oh, Kerry! Oh, no!
434
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,858
Dwayne, he popped it!
435
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,193
[audience laughs and applauds]
436
00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:52,164
Okay, enough horsing around.
437
00:18:52,564 --> 00:18:54,133
All night,
we've been counting down
438
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:57,736
the top 10 times you wondered
why the pet got so expensive,
439
00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:00,272
but before we pony up
with number one,
440
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,207
let's take a look back
at the first nine.
441
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,644
Number 10--
The money shredder.
442
00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:09,615
Number nine-- The cash grab.
443
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:12,885
Number eight--
100 reasons to run.
444
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,286
WOMAN: Bring it back!
445
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:17,322
ANDY: Number seven--
Sticky Talons McGee.
446
00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:21,260
Number six--
The anti-tooth fairy.
447
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:25,063
Number five-- Digesting dinero.
448
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:26,165
WOMAN: What'd you do?
449
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:28,367
ANDY: Number four-- Gimme that.
450
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,335
WOMAN: Hey!
451
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:31,937
ANDY: Number three--
Puppy purse perpetrator...
452
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,172
WOMAN: Excuse me!
453
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:35,974
ANDY: ...and number two--
The buck boost.
454
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,576
[audience applauds]
455
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:40,913
And now, on our countdown
of the top 10 times
456
00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:43,248
you wondered why the pet
got so expensive,
457
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:46,018
we proudly present number one.
458
00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:49,755
MAN: Mikey's tryin'
to get twenty dollars.
459
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:52,357
ANDY: It blew right off
the table when he got his check
460
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:53,792
and if he didn't get it back,
461
00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:56,161
they were gonna make him
wash dishes for his meal.
462
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,629
[audience laughs]
463
00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:59,331
MAN: Get your
twenty dollars, Mike!
464
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,633
ANDY: And then,
a furtive fish fiend
465
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:04,736
used his five-fin discount
and took Mike's money.
466
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:07,306
MAN: No! The fish took it!
467
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:09,274
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
468
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:12,277
[audience cheers and applauds]
469
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:14,947
The ark is back on land
470
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,682
and we're ready to let
the animals off,
471
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:17,883
two-by-two.
472
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,618
Let's do this again real soon,
473
00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:21,153
on "Totally Funny Animals."
474
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:22,387
Good night, everybody!
475
00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:25,657
[audience cheers and applauds]
476
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:33,498
♪♪♪
30570
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