Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,368 --> 00:00:02,802
[theme song playing]
2
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,338
[audience cheering]
3
00:00:10,276 --> 00:00:11,511
Hello, everyone.
4
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,213
Welcome to
"Totally Funny Animals."
5
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,514
I'm Andy Woodhull.
6
00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:16,649
This is your regular
gathering place
7
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:20,120
for the domestic,
wild, exotic and unique.
8
00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:23,556
I will warn you, however,
not all of us are housebroken.
9
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,091
[audience laughs]
10
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,393
After a hard day's work,
11
00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:28,395
I think we all want
to be welcomed home
12
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,063
with happiness and joy.
13
00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:31,831
Here's how
you can guarantee that.
14
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,501
Just name your dogs
Happiness and Joy.
15
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,004
[baby screams]
16
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,808
There's an emotion we should
all feel at least once a day.
17
00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:46,379
Cat really doesn't seem
to be reciprocating, though.
18
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,816
One sided glee is better
than no glee at all.
19
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:51,418
[audience laughs]
20
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:55,055
- You want to walk?
- ANDY: Oh, yeah.
21
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:56,956
[audience laughs]
22
00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:00,527
WOMAN: You wanna...
23
00:01:01,661 --> 00:01:02,695
go...
24
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:04,931
to...
25
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,868
Grandma's house?
26
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,638
[dogs whining]
27
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:14,574
ANDY: "Grandma always
had the good treats."
28
00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:16,076
[audience laughs]
29
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:18,945
[Andy laughs]
30
00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:20,980
"With the kids
finally back in school,
31
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:23,883
I had the sit
and spin all to myself."
32
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,885
[audience laughs]
33
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,088
"Carpe diem, bonkers."
34
00:01:29,622 --> 00:01:33,426
The anticipation was palpable.
35
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,095
They knew what was coming.
36
00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,464
MAN: They're waiting
at the door, they see all this.
37
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,132
ANDY: Oh,
they're waiting all right.
38
00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:42,035
There would be no digging
through trash cans on this day.
39
00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:44,704
It was marshmallow time.
40
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,707
MAN: Get back. Come on, now.
41
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:51,678
ANDY: And if they think
this is great,
42
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:54,380
next weekend he's going
to make them s'mores.
43
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:56,516
And they can't wait.
44
00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,052
MAN: Who's next?
45
00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:02,122
WOMAN: Charlie,
get him. [barking]
46
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,424
ANDY: Charlie is super happy
to be at the beach,
47
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,892
and he wants
the world to know it.
48
00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:07,360
[Charlie screams]
49
00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:10,063
Sounds like
Charlie could use a lozenge.
50
00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:11,931
[Charlie screams]
51
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,436
Or maybe some chamomile tea.
52
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,171
[Charlie screams]
53
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,772
[audience laughs]
54
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,307
[audience applauding]
55
00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,343
Dogs are trustworthy and loyal.
56
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:26,312
But are they good at childcare?
That's kind of a gray area.
57
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,748
Tonight,
we are counting down
58
00:02:28,781 --> 00:02:32,051
the top 10 reasons
dogs shouldn't be babysitters.
59
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:35,021
We'll start to prove
our point with number 10.
60
00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:37,891
[kids laughing]
61
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:39,993
Kisses good night
can be painful.
62
00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:41,194
[thudding]
63
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,428
[audience laughs]
64
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,364
[audience applauding]
65
00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:45,765
When someone
is fond of you,
66
00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:47,834
you may notice
they start talking like you
67
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:49,169
or dressing like you.
68
00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:51,304
Gotta admit, it's flattering.
69
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:55,175
This morning, my dog greeted me
wearing this exact same outfit.
70
00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:58,011
I'm kind of bummed
she wore it better.
71
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,983
"Listen, I'm a frog.
72
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:07,053
I puff out my cheeks
to attract females.
73
00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:12,091
It doesn't seem
to be working for you, dude."
74
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,593
[audience laughs]
75
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,730
The way
of the mantis teaches
76
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,300
that it is the skill
of the particular practitioner,
77
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,268
and not the size
of the opponent.
78
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,471
[audience laughs]
79
00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:26,806
Who has the advantage?
80
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,909
Clearly, it is the mantis.
81
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,211
[audience laughs]
82
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:35,782
It is the goat version
of monkey see, monkey do.
83
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:38,051
[both laughing]
84
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:40,420
-He's copying me.
-WOMAN: Do it again.
85
00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:43,823
ANDY: More like
Emily jump, goat jump.
86
00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:48,394
[audience laughs]
87
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:51,030
Now if only she can get
the goat to do her homework.
88
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:56,970
Nellie never danced
like this at the clubs.
89
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:01,007
But that is because Nellie
never found a dance partner
90
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,576
as good as
Polar Bear Pete before.
91
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,478
[audience laughs]
92
00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:08,214
Neighbors have called
the authorities repeatedly.
93
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,883
[dog screams]
94
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,285
Because they could swear
95
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:15,121
there was a baby in distress
in that apartment.
96
00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:16,889
[dog screams]
97
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:20,727
But it's just Hector.
98
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,100
Sophia wanted to be
a snail for Halloween,
99
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:29,869
so mommy made her
a top notch costume.
100
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,273
But that shell was making her
a little top-heavy.
101
00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:34,774
[audience laughs]
102
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:38,411
"Come on, everybody.
Do the ostrich."
103
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:42,315
Yeah, ostriches actually
don't like to be imitated.
104
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,083
[audience laughs]
105
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,618
[audience applauding]
106
00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:49,489
You may be able
to pay them next to nothing.
107
00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:51,691
But take heed,
because we're counting down
108
00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:54,994
the top 10 reasons dogs
shouldn't be allowed to babysit.
109
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,429
We're at number nine.
110
00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,832
Fortunately,
this is only a doll,
111
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,968
but it drives home the point
112
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:06,272
dogs should never
be allowed to babysit.
113
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,443
KID: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
114
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,011
Oh. Oh.
115
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:13,212
[audience laughs]
116
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:14,981
[audience applauding]
117
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,718
Everyone has a dog breed
that they're partial to.
118
00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:20,720
But we all know
the overall favorite
119
00:05:20,753 --> 00:05:22,588
is the golden retriever.
120
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,524
I should know.
I live with one.
121
00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:26,592
And she told me this morning
if I didn't say
122
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,861
goldens are the best
on today's show,
123
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,364
we would have a real problem
when I got home tonight.
124
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:35,768
♪♪♪
125
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:37,303
[audience laughs]
126
00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,374
WOMAN: Come on.
Let's go for a walk.
127
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,744
It's the best way
to walk a dog.
128
00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:47,013
WOMAN: No.
129
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:50,750
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
[laughs]
130
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,353
WOMAN: Oh, good boy! [screams]
131
00:05:58,691 --> 00:05:59,792
[all laughing]
132
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:05,031
[all laughing]
133
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:09,569
ANDY: And the countdown
continues with number eight.
134
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:13,339
They are just too selfish
to comfort.
135
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,174
[all laughing]
136
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,809
[girl crying]
137
00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:20,480
[audience applauding]
138
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:23,416
Put that leash down.
139
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,017
You can go
for a walk later
140
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,719
because you'll want
to be right here
141
00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:29,288
when "Totally Funny Animals"
continues.
142
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:32,358
[audience cheering]
143
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:39,665
♪♪♪
144
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,701
[kid screaming]
145
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,002
[woman screaming]
146
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:47,173
WOMAN: Ooh. [laughs]
147
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,079
[pig screaming]
148
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:54,313
MAN: Eight seconds.
149
00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:57,550
[man laughs]
150
00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:00,453
[audience applauding]
151
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,888
We've been counting down
152
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:04,690
the top 10 reasons
dogs shouldn't babysit.
153
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,526
Here we are
at number seven.
154
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:07,860
[lullaby playing]
155
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:10,830
They go to extremes
to keep the baby warm.
156
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,467
[audience laughs]
157
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:17,603
[audience applauding]
158
00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:21,107
One of the biggest hassles
of homeownership
159
00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:22,975
has to be yard maintenance.
160
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:25,711
I'm terrible at it.
I get bored with mowing.
161
00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,413
So halfway through, I quit
162
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,081
and my lawn ends up
with a mullet.
163
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,516
[audience laughs]
164
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:33,252
But if you want real help,
call the professional.
165
00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:35,955
"Is your lawn too overgrown
166
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:37,857
for you and your pets
to be comfortable?
167
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:41,894
Then call the canine
lawn care service.
168
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:45,531
There is no job too big.
169
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:48,034
[woman laughs]
170
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:51,003
And no branch
too high.
171
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,606
[man laughs]
172
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:59,111
And no tree too
whatever is happening here.
173
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,246
[audience laughs]
174
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:02,682
For the canine
lawn care service,
175
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:04,851
you won't be barking up
the wrong tree.
176
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:08,588
Worried your lawn is too big?
177
00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:09,822
We'll bring backup.
178
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:12,592
Or should I say ba-a-a-ack up?
179
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:16,762
Call the canine
lawn care service.
180
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:19,031
We'll be so happy to help."
181
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,700
[kid laughing]
182
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,435
[audience applauding]
183
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,738
Most animals seem
to have endless energy.
184
00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:28,841
But every once in a while,
even an overcaffeinated bunny
185
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,010
can have a case
of the lazies.
186
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:37,016
Majesty, grace, speed
187
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:40,052
are all traits
that Rusty doesn't have.
188
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,555
[audience laughs]
189
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:46,425
MAN: Max, get up.
190
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,795
ANDY: "Do I have to?"
191
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:52,131
MAN: Max, get up.
192
00:08:52,164 --> 00:08:54,133
[audience laughs]
193
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,935
- ANDY: "Did I do it?"
- MAN: Get up.
194
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,539
ANDY: "Yeah,
that's all you're getting."
195
00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:01,507
WOMAN: Tonk,
do you want to play?
196
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:05,845
ANDY:
I don't think he does.
197
00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:08,147
Oh, you can keep trying.
198
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,982
[audience laughs]
199
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:15,655
Tonk's
not feeling it at all.
200
00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:17,690
[audience laughs]
201
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,426
Oh, sure,
it wrinkles all the papers,
202
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:22,361
but look
how comfortable he looks.
203
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,297
No one could move that cat.
204
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:26,098
[audience laughs]
205
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:29,302
When it comes to walking dogs
on a leash chain,
206
00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:31,871
you're only as fast
as your slowest member.
207
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,873
[audience laughs]
208
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,808
[dog barking]
209
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:39,579
Yertle is off
to a big adventure.
210
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:41,981
It's not his fault that you
happen to be right behind him.
211
00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:43,416
WOMAN: No.
Where are you going?
212
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:45,351
Don't start walking down
the middle of the road.
213
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,520
Hey, man, get to the side.
214
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:48,621
Come on, turtle.
215
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,890
No, you seriously
gonna lay down?
216
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,191
What?
217
00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:54,527
ANDY: Adventuring is exhausting.
218
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:55,895
GIRL: One...
219
00:09:56,929 --> 00:10:00,266
two, three.
220
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:01,434
[man laughs]
221
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,536
ANDY: Dawson's
not a fan of magic.
222
00:10:03,569 --> 00:10:05,638
WOMAN: What do you think about
that, Dawson? Where'd she go?
223
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,640
GIRL: Nap time.
224
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,275
[audience applauding]
225
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:11,544
We've been counting down
226
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:14,413
the top 10 reasons
dogs shouldn't babysit.
227
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,415
Let's check out number six.
228
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:21,587
Because a playground day
with Dozer
229
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,056
can be a little perilous.
230
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:27,460
[audience laughs]
231
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:29,061
[audience applauding]
232
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:34,500
Sometimes our retro pet videos
need a little more context.
233
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,502
That's why I'm so thankful
that old cameras
234
00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:39,205
used to include a little marker
of the date and time.
235
00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:40,773
Now we know the full story.
236
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,975
It's time
for Retro Pets presents.
237
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:45,611
Butch is the only farm hand
in history
238
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,213
to also be a bull.
239
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:51,784
And it all started on this day,
December 19th, 1990.
240
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:55,221
When he redistributed a haystack
in record time.
241
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,357
[kid laughing]
242
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,029
[audience laughs]
243
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,332
First contact between the dogs
and the prairie dogs
244
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:09,935
took place on the 15th June
in the year 2000.
245
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:15,408
And to this day,
relations remain tenuous.
246
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,476
[audience laughs]
247
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:21,380
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
248
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:25,284
ANDY: Lollipop the parrot's
birthday is December 15th.
249
00:11:25,317 --> 00:11:28,621
♪ Happy birthday, Lollipop ♪
250
00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:32,792
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
251
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:35,594
ANDY:
And in 2004,
no one remembered.
252
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:36,929
[audience laughs]
253
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:40,466
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
254
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,302
ANDY: Sarah would later
tell her therapist
255
00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:47,373
that her fear of dogs
started sometime in August 1997.
256
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:50,042
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
257
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:52,912
February 4th, 1996.
258
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:55,681
A blizzard devastates
the American Midwest
259
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,050
and Slappy Thurman invents
horse skating.
260
00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:01,020
[audience laughs]
261
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,288
"Yee haw."
262
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:05,324
[audience applauding]
263
00:12:05,357 --> 00:12:08,828
Our countdown rolls on.
Here's number five.
264
00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:10,696
CHILD: Go, Wesley, go.
265
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,598
ANDY: Because
snow days with Wesley
266
00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:14,600
tend to be pretty uneventful.
267
00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:17,002
WOMAN: Yeah, snowballs.
He likes snowballs.
268
00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:18,771
ANDY: Until they aren't.
269
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:21,674
WOMAN: Oh. [laughs]
270
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:22,842
[audience laughs]
271
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,777
[audience applauding]
272
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,012
Don't go anywhere,
273
00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:28,981
because "Totally Funny Animals"
will be back
274
00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:30,416
with more hilarious videos
275
00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:32,551
that'll really get
your tail wagging.
276
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:36,021
[audience cheering]
277
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:42,128
♪♪♪
278
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,799
-[thudding]
-MAN: Tried to help him.
279
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:48,033
[audience laughs]
280
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,637
[woman laughs]
281
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:56,675
♪♪♪
282
00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:58,310
[audience laughs]
283
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,348
[audience laughs]
284
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,221
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
285
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,422
[audience laughs]
286
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,091
[audience applauding]
287
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,395
All show long, mom and dad
have been out on the town
288
00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:17,797
while we've been counting down
289
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:20,533
the top 10 reasons
dogs shouldn't babysit.
290
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:22,334
Here we are at number four.
291
00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:25,638
WOMAN: Poor Rue.
292
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:28,474
ANDY: Rue was mostly
a great babysitter.
293
00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:30,910
WOMAN: Yeah, I said it.
Poor Rue.
294
00:13:30,943 --> 00:13:33,279
ANDY: But sometimes
he would reach his limit.
295
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:38,317
[woman laughs] Oh, baby.
296
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,618
[audience laughs]
297
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,787
[audience applauding]
298
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,056
We are just speeding
through my nap time.
299
00:13:44,089 --> 00:13:46,258
But that's okay,
I'll grab some shut eye
300
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:48,994
while you enjoy
these sleepy time videos.
301
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:54,066
Sometimes during
a really good nap,
302
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:55,868
your weight can shift.
303
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,370
[audience laughs]
304
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:01,407
When Stripe
is really relaxed,
305
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,143
he seems to gain
like eight more legs.
306
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,679
[audience laughs]
307
00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:09,548
It had been a long day,
308
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:12,151
a walk, the dog park,
309
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,019
and a squirrel sighting.
310
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:15,721
You can't blame him.
311
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:17,223
WOMAN: Oop. [laughs]
312
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,826
Jinxy has been
sending emails all day
313
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,929
and just needed
to grab a little cat nap.
314
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:26,498
[audience laughs]
315
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:28,500
He's only a few days old,
316
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:32,238
and already he is fighting
to stay awake past his bedtime.
317
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:34,440
[audience laughs]
318
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:38,077
"But it is so hard
not to slumber.
319
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,714
I'm up. I'm up.
Did I miss anything?
320
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:43,282
I was just resting my eyes."
321
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:44,550
[audience laughs]
322
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:49,188
KID:
You're getting very sleepy.
323
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:52,291
You're getting very sleepy.
324
00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:55,227
You're getting very sleepy.
325
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,495
ANDY: Nighty night, flippy.
326
00:14:57,296 --> 00:14:59,498
[audience laughs]
327
00:14:59,531 --> 00:15:02,167
Oh, she was fine
on the windowsill
328
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:04,470
until she had
that falling dream.
329
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:06,505
[audience laughs]
330
00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:09,942
Sandy's favorite show's on.
Wake her up.
331
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:15,447
WOMAN:
There's nothing. She's out.
332
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:16,515
Watch it.
333
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:21,120
ANDY: Ah, she can
watch it tomorrow online.
334
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,254
[audience laughs]
335
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:24,223
[audience applauding]
336
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:27,026
We are headed back
to the countdown
337
00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:28,560
with number three.
338
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,831
Because the dog teaches them
some pretty gross habits.
339
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,667
WOMAN: Allison.
Get out of there. Yucky.
340
00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:38,137
Hey, get out of there.
341
00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:39,238
[audience laughs]
342
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,740
[audience applauding]
343
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,609
It's a game
we all play with our pets.
344
00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:45,811
Are you staying in
or going out?
345
00:15:45,844 --> 00:15:48,013
I spend more time
at the door with my dog
346
00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:49,515
than anywhere else
in the house.
347
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:51,517
Make a decision already.
348
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:56,055
WOMAN: What are you doing?
Do you want out?
349
00:15:57,323 --> 00:16:00,092
-Do you want out?
-ANDY: "Yeah, lady, open up."
350
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,729
WOMAN: You don't think there's
any other way to get out?
351
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:05,631
No other way?
352
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,500
ANDY: "Well, sure, if you want
to be obvious about it."
353
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:11,503
[meowing]
354
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,172
This was always
how it worked.
355
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:17,977
Ginger would meow and meow
and never get what she wanted.
356
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:19,778
Then it dawned on her.
357
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:23,849
Could she do it?
Is it even possible?
358
00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:28,487
Well, I'll be darned.
359
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,322
[audience laughs]
360
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:37,096
Bingo was just two
hind legs away from freedom.
361
00:16:37,896 --> 00:16:39,965
But he was a good boy
362
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,434
and had to weigh
the moral implications.
363
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:44,770
On one hand,
364
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:46,805
he's not supposed
to leave the house.
365
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,674
[audience laughs]
366
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:50,943
But on the other,
it's not his fault
367
00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:53,746
the screened in window could
be chewed through so easily.
368
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,182
A dog could lose it
369
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:59,952
thinking of all
the philosophical implications.
370
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,926
"I did it.
I ripped off the safety door.
371
00:17:10,162 --> 00:17:12,064
I gotta tell Leo about this."
372
00:17:14,466 --> 00:17:17,803
When Spot's ready to come in,
you'll know.
373
00:17:17,836 --> 00:17:20,406
"All done.
Time to come in.
374
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:22,808
Open up.
It's chilly.
375
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:24,309
Hello?"
376
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,444
[audience laughs]
377
00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:27,780
[audience applauding]
378
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:30,582
The kids are in bed and mom
and dad are on the way home.
379
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,151
And not a moment too soon
380
00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:34,920
because it's time
for number two on our countdown
381
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:38,190
of the top 10 reasons
the dog shouldn't babysit.
382
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,358
Let's check it out.
383
00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:43,162
Lola's still figuring out
the stroller.
384
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,597
[audience laughs]
385
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,533
[audience applauding]
386
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:49,368
When we return,
I'll get to share
387
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,804
the number one video
on tonight's countdown.
388
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:53,572
Get ready
to have your mind blown
389
00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:55,974
when "Totally Funny Animals"
continue.
390
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,077
[audience cheering]
391
00:18:03,048 --> 00:18:08,921
♪♪♪
392
00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:10,556
[all laughing]
393
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,027
[audience laughs]
394
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:18,897
[kid laughing]
395
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,402
WOMAN: ...on the table?
396
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,304
[all laughing]
397
00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:31,043
WOMAN: Wanna go potty?
398
00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:33,479
No? [laughs]
399
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:36,915
WOMAN: Good girl. You got it.
400
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,250
[audience laughs]
401
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:39,852
[audience applauding]
402
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:42,955
All show long
we've been counting down
403
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:46,091
the top 10 reasons
dogs shouldn't babysit.
404
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,193
But before
we reveal number one,
405
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:50,596
let's take another look
at the first nine.
406
00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:54,867
Number 10. Ooh, icky.
407
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:59,271
Number nine.
Somebody save the baby.
408
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,108
Number eight.
"I'll be taking that."
409
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,112
Number seven.
Better than earmuffs.
410
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:11,383
Number six.
Slidy-slide shenanigans.
411
00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:15,621
Number five.
Brace yourself.
412
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:17,289
WOMAN: Oh. [laughs]
413
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:20,225
Number four. "Take that."
414
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,426
[woman laughs]
415
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,495
Number three.
Refreshing.
416
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:24,663
WOMAN: Allison!
417
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,000
Number two. Runaway stroller.
Runaway stroller.
418
00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:29,835
-WOMAN: Oh. [laughs]
-[kid laughs]
419
00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:31,370
[audience applauding]
420
00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,438
And now, on our countdown
421
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:36,441
of the top 10 reasons
dogs shouldn't babysit
422
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:39,244
we proudly present
number one.
423
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,047
WOMAN: Cooper.
424
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,350
Stop it. Cooper.
425
00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:46,852
ANDY:
When it is time for bed,
426
00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:49,354
Cooper didn't want
to hear any excuses.
427
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:51,557
No bedtime story.
428
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:54,059
No "I want
a drink of water"
429
00:19:54,092 --> 00:19:56,828
and no "Can I stay up
five more minutes?"
430
00:19:57,329 --> 00:20:00,132
To Cooper,
bedtime meant bedtime.
431
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:01,300
So go to bed.
432
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:05,370
Not a lot of compassion
from Cooper as a babysitter.
433
00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:08,207
WOMAN: Drop the baby.
434
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,242
[audience applauding]
435
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:13,478
I want to thank you
for spending
436
00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:15,247
some of your time
with us tonight.
437
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,815
We can't wait
to do this all again
438
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:19,117
on the next
"Totally Funny Animals."
439
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,285
Good night, everybody.
440
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,854
[audience cheering]
441
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:32,998
♪♪♪
28816
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof