Original subtitles

Announcer: Live from the Old Curmudgeon Auditorium

in Nashua, New Hampshire it’s the--oh, boy, 53rd debate

of the 1988 Republican Presidential Candidates

sponsored tonight by the disabled yachtsmen

of Portsmouth.

And now here is your moderator,

Colorado Congresswoman Pat Schroeder.

Thank you. Thank you.

( cheers and applause )

Hi again.

I’m Pat Schroeder.

You know, a lot of people were surprised when they heard

that I was going to moderate the Republican Presidential Debate.

But don’t worry, I’m not the Presidential

or the Democratic pitbull.

Pitbulls don’t cry.

( laughs )

( sighs ) Okay.

Let’s introduce our five candidates,

and please hold your applause until the end,

in fairness to Pete du Pont.

( laughter ) Okay.

George Bush, Vice President of the United States,

Jack Kemp, congressman from New York,

Pierre du Pont, former Governor of Delaware,

The Reverend Pat Robertson,

and Senate Minority Leader Robert Dole of Kansas.

( cheers and applause )

First, Vice President Bush.

Your campaign attacked Sen. Dole in Iowa

calling him mean-spirited and accusing his wife

of financial misconduct,

obviously this tactic didn’t work very well.

And my question is, are you gonna apologize?

Well, first of all let me say that Bob Dole and I are friends

and I never authorized the flyer that said Bob Dole

is mean-spirited.

But I’m not gonna disavow it

because I wanna stay above the fray,

on the high road.

So apologize, no. Above the fray, yes.

Can I say something here, Pat?

Go ahead Sen. Dole.

I don’t believe my good friend George Bush. He’s lying.

He knows it, you know it, I know it,

the people at home know it,

American people know it, we all know it.

Now it’s one thing to attack an opponent’s record

in the heat of a campaign.

When you come after an opponent’s wife,

well, to me, that’s another thing.

Now my wife, Elizabeth Dole, ran the buses in this country

for three years so it’s unfair.

Maybe if we had a life of privilege like George Bush,

you don’t know that.

See, Bob Dole grow up in Kansas in a small farm town,

didn’t have the prep school education

or the sterling silverware or the bumper pool table

in the basement,

didn’t have the shower massage,

the five-way adjustable heads or the sit-down lawnmower.

Bob Dole didn’t have these things.

Now wait a minute. Can I say something here?

- George, I’m not finish yet. - No, I’m not gonna back down from this Bob.

- I didn’t have a little chrome hat. - I wanna say something here.

Well, George, why don’t you take a rest?

’Cause I know it, you know it,

and the people here tonight know it,

American people know it, we all know it,

Bob Dole from Russell, Kansas

is gonna be the next president of the United States

so why don’t you just go on back home

to your summer home in Maine,

your automatic garage door opener,

your electric steak knife,

run around Kennebunkport Bay in your powerboat

while I take care of real issues in the White House.

- I’m not gonna stand for that, that’s a cheap shot right there. - Gentlemen, please.

Please gentlemen. We’ll get back to you later.

Let’s turn to Jack Kemp.

Jack, as much--as much as anyone, you have been identified

with the supply-side economics.

But hasn’t supply-side caused these huge deficits

and since you’re offering simply more of the same,

how do you plan to balance the budget?

Well, the whole thing boils down to leadership, Pat.

You know, when I played quarterback

for the old Buffalo Bills, I gave a 110 percent

and that inspired the guys around me

to give a 110 percent or better.

The same thing applies to this budget.

With the proper leadership,

you can get that budget to give a 150 percent.

That means that you can spend 80 percent on the military,

40 percent on education and still have 30 percent left over

for rebuilding our infrastructure.

Let’s turn now to Pat Robertson, Pat.

Yes, Pat.

( chuckles ) It’s easy to remember your name.

Rev. Robertson, you bristled Monday

when Tom Brokaw called you a television evangelist.

Why?

Well, Pat, this is a...

A deliberate attempt by the media to belittle me,

and I’m just not gonna stand for it.

( cheers and applause )

I’ve been so many things besides a religious broadcaster.

I’m a businessman,

I’m president of the sixth largest cable TV network

in the country,

um, I’ve mowed lawns,

uh, I’ve been a babysitter, uh,

I’ve watched peoples’ homes while they went on vacation,

uh, I’ve been a caddy at a country club,

one of the largest country clubs in the state of Virginia.

And I think that the media

by ignoring these other positions I’ve had

and focusing on 25 odd years

of my hosting an evangelical show,

I think it’s just unfair

and it’s just religious bigotry.

Now come on now, Pat, that’s a load of bunk.

You know and I know that you’re an old Bible-thumping,

revival show con artist from way back

who claim to heal people.

Well, I’ll tell you something Pat Robertson,

you turn to me and heal my right arm

and I’ll be glad to step aside

and let you be president of United States.

Now Pat...

Pat, that last comment-- that last comment

is what people are talking about when they say Bob Dole

is mean-spirited and wicked tempered.

You don’t wanna a man like Bob Dole, a hot head like that,

in the White House with his finger on the nuclear button.

Now George Bush, don’t you call me wicked tempered.

I saw you slap a Senate page once,

slapped a page right to the ground,

- and a female one, at that. - Yeah, she had it coming.

- Gentlemen, please. - Well...

Please gentlemen. Let’s now turn to Pete du Pont.

Pete, you’ve been running on what you call

"Damn Right Ideas," like privatizing Social Security.

They didn’t exactly catch on in Iowa.

How are the people of New Hampshire responding

to your idea that teenagers should be tested

before they can get a-- for drugs

before they can get a driver’s license?

Well, they love it, Pat. They do.

They understand that it’s a damn good idea

to link the privilege of driving with being drug free.

In fact, I’ve decided to expand the idea to Social Security.

Now I say, tell our senior citizens,

"You do drugs, you don’t get your Social Security check.

I mean, it’s just that simple.

Can I say something, Pat.

I don’t know what my good friend Pierre du Pont,

and that’s your name, Pete.

I mean, come on now, it’s Pierre, not Pete.

Don’t go around telling people

your name is Pete when it’s Pierre.

( laughter )

Besides, Pierre, I don’t know what you know about what--

I don’t know what you know about Social Security,

what I mean, Bob Dole didn’t grow up with a 150-foot yacht,

didn’t have the convertible for graduation,

the sterling sliver cocktail shaker

or the machine that serves the tennis balls at you.

Now wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I’m getting sick of this!

Why won’t you pick on someone your own size?

I’m not gonna let you pick on my friend Pierre here.

Now come on, Bob, you’re a millionaire.

And I’m not sure all that money was made on the up-and-up.

George, how would you like this pen stuck right in your neck?

- Oh. - Hey, wait a minute.

- Gentlemen please. - I’d like to see you try.

I could take you with my one good arm,

George Bush, and you know that.

- In a fair fight, you could use two. - Okay.

Please, gentlemen.

Gentlemen, we are nearing the end

and I’d like to ask one question and address it to each of you.

You are all articulate and attractive candidates,

but only one of you can win the presidential nomination.

Now starting with Gov. du Pont, would you accept the second spot

- on the Republican ticket? - No, Pat.

I have a no interest in being a vice president.

I don’t really wanna spend the next four years

going to funerals.

( laughter )

- Cong. Kemp? - Pat, absolutely not.

I’ve been a quarterback.

I have no interest in being the water boy.

Pat Robertson?

Pat, the answer is no.

I’ve had so many different jobs,

but frankly, being called vice president

would make me as angry as being called a TV evangelist.

Sen. Dole?

Oh, Pat, I think the people know the vice presidency to me

is just a lowest form of political existence.

I think the only person I can think of

who’s spineless enough to want the job

is my good friend, George Bush.

( cheers and applause )

Mr. Bush.

Well, Pat, I intend to be the presidential nominee

of this party, let’s make that clear.

But am I gonna stand here and rule out the vice residency, no!

And I’m the only one with guts to say so. And why?

’cause I think I make a damn good vice president,

because I’ve been there, I’ve done it for eight years

and I could do it for eight more.

Well, thank all of you for joining us.

Remember, Tuesday is Primary Day,

so all of you here in New Hampshire,

remember: Vote Democrat.

Just kidding.

No, not really. ( laughs )

Good night. And thank all of you.

- Can I say something, Pat? - Yes.

- May I say something? - Sen. Dole.

Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.

*

Announcer: It’sSaturday Night Live.

With Dana Carvey...

Nora Dunn...

Phil Hartman...

Jan Hooks...

Victoria Jackson...

Jon Lovitz...

Dennis Miller...

and Kevin Nealon.

Musical guest, Terence Trent D’Arby.

Featuring G.E. Smith and theSaturday Night Live Band...

and starring Justin Bateman.

( cheers and applause )

You know, when I star on Family Ties,

I was 16 years old.

And well, 6 years and 147 episodes later,

the show is still going strong.

Now... ( cheers and applause )

But you know, you know, of all the episodes we’ve done,

my favorites are what we like to call the flashback episodes.

Now those are the shows where our characters reminisce

about some of our favorite moments from the past episodes.

It’s a great way of filling up a show with a lot of old clips

and the best part is that,

well, everybody gets paid for a brand-new show.

Now my favorite one, my favorite flashback show is--

Yeah, it’s tough.

But my favorite flashback is just one that we just taped.

It’s called "If These Old Walls Could Talk,"

and well, we shot it in five minutes.

I can’t believe we’re leaving this house

and moving to Colorado.

Honey, I can always turn down that new job.

Dad, turn down that job?

Dad.

( cheers and applause )

Dad, don’t get sentimental at a crucial stage like this.

I guess Alex is right.

For once.

We sure have done a lot of living in this kitchen.

Yeah.

( laughter )

If these old walls could talk, the things they’d say...

Remember that time you’re gonna elope with Nick,

and I got really upset?

Oh, it seems like only yesterday.

I can’t believe it.

( cheers and applause )

I just--I cannot believe you two are eloping now.

But I love Nick, Mom..

But, Mallory, Nick doesn’t even have a job.

Yeah.

( laughter )

Hey-ee, Mr. Keaton...

you forget, I’m an artist.

No, Nick, the problem is we remember you’re an artist.

- Alex. - Mallory...

Mallory, as a Keaton with the highest potential earning power,

I feel it’s my duty to tell you that, you know,

if you wanna borrow money from me in the future,

don’t come to me for any loans.

- I wouldn’t do that, Alex. - Oh, yeah!

Yeah, what about the time I leant you money

for your first date?

Huh, it seem like it was yesterday.

I can’t believe my little girl is going out on her first date.

But it’s not a real date, Mom, it’s a group date.

Yeah!

Mom! Mom, I can’t believe you’re letting her go.

Alex.

Mom, have you met these guys?

Well, Mom, the average 15 year-old boys

are sex-starved animal.

I mean, a group date is just a teen euphemism for an orgy.

Alex, I trust your sister.

Yeah!

That’s our Jennifer, huh?

And to think it wasn’t so long ago

we thought Jennifer was gonna die, huh?

Yeah, I remember it like it was yesterday.

I can’t believe my little Jennifer is going to die.

I just wish we could be at the hospital.

Mom, you know the doctor said

we could do far more good for Jennifer

- if we’d just stay here in the kitchen. - Well...

( laughter )

( applause )

I suppose so, but I’ll tell you,

we have had some real memories with Jennifer.

Yeah, remember the time we all went to Holland

and Jennifer and Mallory were mistaken

for international art smugglers?

( chuckles )

And they chased them all through the streets of Amsterdam.

Yeah, that was really something.

Yeah, it sure was.

( sighs )

Oh, boy.

And to think that Jennifer is dying.

Hey, but we’ve had some great times together!

- Yeah. - Remember the last time we watched TV altogether?

Yeah, we all watched this-- an episode of The Jeffersons.

I wish I had a club right now to hit that crook with.

What’s he doing out there, anyway, messing up the place?

Don’t worry about that.

Florence will help me straightened it up.

Hey, remember when we first hired Florence?

Boy, that was some episode of The Jeffersons.

It sure was.

I can’t help thinking about Jennifer dying, though.

( phone rings )

I’ll get it.

Hello?

It’s the hospital, Jennifer is not going to die.

- Oh, God! - All right! All right!

( sighs )

We almost lost you, honey. That was a close call.

Yeah!

But I don’t know about this group date business.

Mom!

( phone rings )

Hello?

Yeah, okay. Thanks.

Two of the boys have the flu.

The group date has been cancelled.

- Oh! - Oh, honey. Come here.

Well, that sure was a close call with that group date.

Yeah. And now you’re eloping with Nick.

Hey, hold it everybody.

Hey, while you were all reminiscing,

I was doing some thinking.

Sorry, Mallory, I just don’t think we’re ready.

( sighs ) You know what, Nick, you’re right.

( phone rings )

Hello?

Yeah, we know.

He’s reconsidered. Thanks anyway.

Just think you almost eloped with Nick.

Yeah, it sure was a close call.

And now we have to move.

Yeah!

( laughter )

( phone rings )

Well, I don’t wanna give away the ending.

This is gonna be on in April.

But the phone call was from the company

that offered my dad the job and they--

Well, I don’t wanna give it away.

We’ll be right back!

( cheers and applause )

*

Announcer: The people and problems you are about to see

are real and unscripted.

Denise Venetti, PhD, will help them with their problems.

Tina Ryan feels guilty about moving out

of her parents’ home.

Neil Simons feels that his life

is a continual roller-coaster ride.

Cyril and Nonie Landis are struggling

with a surprisingly common sexual problem.

Let’s watch now as Denise Venetti, PhD,

meets with Tina, Neil, and the Landises.

Hello, Tina.

Welcome to Learning to Feel.

Now you had a problem

moving out of your parents’ home?

Yes. My mother and I have always been very close.

She’s my best friend.

I confided in her, told her everything.

Since I moved out, she’s become very distant

and very depressed, and I feel responsible for that.

So, what are you feeling, Tina?

Well, guilt.

I feel guilty about leaving. I don’t know what to do.

I--but I can’t move back.

I know what you can do.

Look at yourself.

What?

Take a look at yourself, Tina.

Had you looked at yourself, you wouldn’t feel guilty

and your mother wouldn’t feel bad.

I guess you’re right.

You forgot to look at yourself.

Oh!

Oh!

- Oh, thank you. Denise, I’ll do that. - All right.

Yes. All right. Thank you.

( applause )

Hello, Neil.

Welcome to Learning to Feel.

Tell me about the roller coaster, Neil.

I just feel like I’m on a roller coaster, you know.

Life is so full of some many ups and downs, just when you think,

oh, everything is going real smooth, bam!

The whole bottom comes up from underneath you.

You never know which way you’re gonna turn.

I’m scared. I’ve had enough. Now please, I wanna get off.

I just wanna get off!

- Neil. - Yeah.

- Neil. - What?

Have you looked at yourself?

Have I what?

Have you taken a long look at yourself?

Because if you don’t look at yourself, I can’t see you.

I can’t help you. You have to look at yourself.

Life will pass you by, people will pass you by

because you don’t look at yourself.

And Neil, you’re not on a roller coaster.

I’m not?

Take a look.

I’m not!

- No. - God bless you, Denise.

Look at yourself. Yes. Thank you.

( applause )

You are?

- Cyril. - Cyril.

- Nonie. - Nonie.

Hello, welcome to Learning to Feel.

Now Nonie, you have a sexual problem?

I don’t have the problem.

It’s my husband Cyril.

I found him in the bathroom... masturbating

and...

( laughter )

he said he was shaving

and then he started shaving more and more often,

sometimes two and three times a day,

but I knew that he was...

Masturbating.

Cyril, how do you respond?

Well, you know, what do you want me to say?

Have you looked at Nonie lately?

I guess not.

Why don’t you look at Nonie now? Go on look at Nonie.

Don’t look at me, look at Nonie.

Look at her!

Now look at yourself.

Look at yourself.

( laughter )

Cyril, if you look at yourself, you wouldn’t wanna masturbate.

( applause )

Now there’s no problem here.

You have to look at each other and look at yourselves.

Go look at yourselves.

( both chuckle )

- Thank you. - Yes!

Thank you.

( applause )

This is theLearning to Feel with Denise Venetti, PhD.

*

Don Pardo: And nowWeekend Update

with anchorperson Dennis Miller.

( cheers and applause )

Thank you. Good evening. And what can I tell you.

Presidential hopeful Pierre du Pont convinced

that his poor showing in Iowa

is due to the foreign sounding name

has had a change to something

that would be more familiar to the ears

of mainstream America

and will heretofore be known as Pepe Le Pew.

( laughter )

After getting 0 percent at the Iowa Caucus vote,

that 0 percent,

Al Haig pulled out of the race yesterday

and said he was throwing all of his support to Bob Dole.

( chuckles ) Well, thank you, Al.

As the campaign heated up this week,

Pat Robertson accused Congressman Jack Kemp

of being soft on pornography.

Kemp responded by saying that’s exactly why I gave it up.

Well, the final tabulations are in for the Iowa Caucus,

and on the Republican side,

the figures reveal that Vice President George Bush

actually finished fourth in Iowa behind Dole, Robertson

and the new third place finisher, Drew McLemore.

For those of you not familiar with McLemore’s candidacy,

he classifies himself as anti-ruralist

and has promised, if elected,

to destroy Iowa with a thermonuclear device.

McLemore edged Bush by a scant 80 votes.

The FBI released its 10 most wanted list today

and for the first time in the Bureaus’ history,

the top five are women.

They are Miss Kentucky, Miss Rhode Island,

Miss New Mexico, Joanne Chesimard,

and Miss District of Columbia.

You know, it may have been 92 degrees

in Managua, Nicaragua,

but a vicious snowstorm hit the city’s snarling local traffic.

The street value of the snow has not yet been determined.

When President Reagan leaves Washington D.C. next year,

he’ll leave behind the newly commissioned

Ronald Reagan Republican Center already under construction.

This minimum security penitentiary

will host most of Reagan’s current staff.

Real estate super mogul Donald Trump

was threatened by the City of New York

with legal action this week over discrepancy

in his best-selling book, Trump: the Art of the Deal.

Officials say the book exceeds the city’s maximum height limit

by 16 stories and cast a vicious shadow on Central Park.

Doctors in Mexico claimed they have developed the contraceptive

that is 100 percent effective against pregnancy

and is simple to use.

The new device called "The Cork"

will be available in the U.S. next week.

America’s best hope for a gold medal

on the upcoming Winter Olympics appears to be the luge event.

For those of you unfamiliar with the event,

it’s the small sled that you lay down on on your back,

here is the American number one sled

under the able command of Team Captain Donna Rice.

( laughter )

U.S. Olympic figure skater Debi Thomas

suffered minor injuries on a practice session

in Calgary last night

when she lost control on a double axle,

skidded into the boards and burst into flames.

( laughter )

A challenging new completion makes his debut

at the Winter Olympics at Calgary next week,

the ski jump relay.

Now timing in this event is crucial

especially for the guy at the bottom of the ramp.

What price to the gold, huh?

Howdy, right, and Hidy,

the mascots of the Calvary Olympic Games,

arrested fugitive financier Robert Vesco

at the Canadian border yesterday.

A new kind of plane that crashes into parking lots

was tested this week in San Jose, California.

The results were described as very encouraging.

Well, Bassie and Wan-Wan left San Diego this week

for their home in China and San Diego Zoo officials

report there were some tiles missing from their room.

Those cheap bastard bears.

British actor Michael Caine announced he will star

in every movie made in the continent

of United States next year.

Caine will receive the flat sum of $800,000 for his efforts

and says, "Hey, I’m just glad to be working."

Penthousemagazine notorious

for printing nude celebrity photographs

without consent plucked another feather

for its racy cap this week when it release these pictures

of Dino Flintstone,

taken from the X-rated movie Mesozoic Love Machine.

( laughter )

In his own defense, Dino told reporters,

"Hey, it’s the time I was prehistoric

and I needed some quick cash.

Remember it’s Valentine’s Day this--tomorrow,

so at 2 a.m., set your EKG back exactly one heartbeat.

Guess what folks, that’s the news,

and I am out of here.

( cheers and applause )

Hello, Michael?

Michael, it’s me Derek.

Yes, Derek Stevens! That’s right.

Well, I know you haven’t heard from me in five years,

but I’ve called to tell you that I’ve gotten over the block.

Yes, I’m writing again.

In fact, I can’t stop at all.

I’m turning out tune after tune, it’s fabulous!

Well, you know they’re pretty much ballads, but--

Well, you know, what it is, is I’ve met this girl, you know,

and I think I’m in love with her.

Wait--Michael, can you hear this?

Hold on a second!

( piano plays )

* She stops me She moves me *

* She scorns me And approve me *

* She’s my little baby She’s my little baby *

* She’s my little baby *

Hey, what do you think, Michael? I mean, it’s fabulous, right?

Right! It’s a bigger hit than "Chopping Broccoli" ever was.

Yes, and I’ve got lots more just like that.

All right. We’ll talk. We’ll talk.

( piano plays ) * We’re gonna talk Going to talk *

- Derek. - Ciao, baby!

- Good morning, love. - Good morning.

Derek, before we go any further, get away from the piano.

- Come. Sit somewhere else. - All right.

Don’t--no, no, no. Not on top of me.

Back over there somewhere, somewhere.

Sit! Derek, I want you to move out.

- It’s not working. - Oh, but it is working.

In two weeks I’ve known you, I’ve written over a 139 songs.

I know. I know. I know. I know. Get out.

Well, I can’t get out. It’s a giant chemistry here.

It’s like a humongous, monstrous, out-of-control vibe.

I mean, can’t you feel it?

Remember last night when you walked into the kitchen

and threw that entire set of dishes at me.

Do you remember that?

- I apologize. - No!

Don’t apologize! Just listen! Listen!

( piano plays )

* She comes in unexpected And I stand unprotected *

* And it comes flying at me *

* Her love comes flying at me *

* Well, she’s my little baby She’s my little baby *

* Well, she’s my little baby Hey, hey *

I mean, don’t you see?

You are magic!

You’re magic. You’re my muse.

Don’t you understand?

I mean, every millennium,

the gods open a porthole in the heavens

and a muse descends to help out a mortal.

Did you ever see the movie Xanadu?

Well...

My cable must have been out.

But in this film, Olivia Newton-John

is sent by the gods to earth

to help Gene Kelly open a roller rink.

Don’t you see?

You’re sent to help my career get back on track.

No, no, look! I had no idea who you were.

I’ve never heard your records.

A friend told me you used to be Derek Stevens.

Because of you, I’m going to live to be 30.

Oh, please, I can’t accept that responsibility.

Listen, Derek. Listen to me.

There’s something I have to say, it ain’t--this isn’t love.

This is over. Okay.

And you’re going to have to go on your way.

- You--You’re going to have to go on your way? - Yes!

- You--You’re going to have to go on your way. - Yes!

- You’re going to have to go on your way. - No!

( piano plays ) * I listened to my lover *

* There was nothing more to say *

* This isn’t love, it’s over *

* And you have to go away *

* Then she ran Her ivory fingers *

* Through her flowing Sable hair *

* And then she turned her back On me *

* As if I wasn’t there *

* She’s my little baby *

* She’s my little baby *

* She’s my little baby *

Look at you. Look!

I mean, you don’t even know you’re doing it, do you?

I mean, inspiration goes through you,

goes into my head

and the music just bloody pours right out of me.

I know, and you get it on everything.

Derek, hear this.

I’m going for a walk,

and when I come back, you won’t be here.

You’re going for a walk,

and when I come back, you won’t be here.

I’ll be gone.

- Yes. - Gone.

- Yes. - Gone.

- No! - Gone.

( piano plays ) Oh!

* She’s picking up her coat And purse *

* And now she’s in the hall *

( glass shatters )

* From the noise *

* She must have broken Something on the wall *

* She’s on the sidewalk now *

* She crossed the streets *

Woman: Shut up!

* She says, "Shut up" *

* She’s moving Through the street *

* With her tiny feet *

* She’s getting smaller now *

* She’s getting really small *

* She’s getting very tiny *

( piano plays out of tune ) * She’s my tiny baby *

* She’s my little baby *

* She’s my little tiny baby *

* She’s getting tiny *

* She turned the corner *

Oh, my God, I’m blocked.

( applause )

( indistinct chattering )

All right, boys. Now listen up.

Plan is foolproof, all right?

We make the hit tomorrow morning.

The bank should be-- I’m sorry.

First of all, if there’s anyone here who’s not a bank robber,

I may have to ask you is to leave.

And don’t say nothing about this to no one, huh?

All right. Good. All right.

All right.

Now like I was saying, the plan is foolproof,

in and out, nobody gets hurt.

Okay. Now pay attention.

Here is a diagram of the bank, okay.

We get in, we get out.

Nobody gets hurt.

Okay. It’s very clear and its cut.

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

Any questions?

Let me understand this, we enter the bank

and then we--we--

I’m sorry, we...

We get out, nobody gets hurt.

Now what if a guy tries to stop us?

I mean, do we hurt him?

No! Nobody gets hurt. In and out, nobody gets hurt.

Yeah. Anybody gets in my way, they’re gonna get hurt big-time!

Shut up! You play by my rules or you don’t play at all.

Nobody gets hurt. In and out, nobody gets hurt.

- All right, let’s do it. - Ho, ho, ho. Scarpetti--

Scarpetti, sit down. Sit down. Sit down.

Now listen, I wanna make sure

that you all understand this, all right?

So repeat after me, in and out, nobody gets hurt.

( all speaking indistinctly )

No, no, in and out, nobody gets hurt. Question?

Yeah, well, we go out the same door we come in?

Good question. Good question. The answer is yes.

Probably the same door.

All right, let me understand this,

when we come out after first, going in first,

- nobody has been harmed-- - Hurt.

Hurt. Nobody’s been hurt because we came in and went out then?

- Exactly. - Yeah. Okay.

- In and out, nobody gets hurt. - Okay, let’s do it!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, sit down, sit down, sit down.

Sit down. Now listen, this plan is simple, all right.

It’s like you’re in a big hurry at the grocery store,

only this time, you’re taking stuff

that doesn’t belong to you and it’s not food.

And unlike the grocery store, nobody gets hurt.

Okay, let me understand this,

nobody, meaning even before we enter the bank

- or just when we’re inside or... - Listen, listen, listen.

- When do we go back outside? - You’re all overthinking this, all right.

It’s very, very simple.

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

Let me write it out for you.

In and out,

nobody gets hurt, okay?

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

It’s got kind of a rhythm to it, doesn’t it?

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

* Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *

- * Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa * - Good.

- * Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa * - In and out... * Pa, pa, pa, pa *

- * Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa * - In and out, nobody... * Pa, pa *

- Good. In and out, nobody gets hurt. - In and out, nobody gets hurt.

Good. In and out, nobody gets hurt. Good. Good.

That’s a good way to remember it.

All right. Tony, what’s the plan?

* Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *

* Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

All right, now listen.

If everything goes according to plan,

there shouldn’t be any trouble.

Oh, I got some news, if there’s any trouble,

the only thing that’s going in and out is gonna my blade.

- Oh, yeah. That’s my plan, in and out, ba-ba! - All right, all right.

All right, all right. Slammer, settle down.

All right. Any other questions?

So, what you’re saying is we’re gonna walk in the door

and I don’t know, I just don’t...

Let me understand this, we’re all going together?

- Yeah, I mean, how many times are we going in and out? - We’re going one at a time?

- You know, do we shoot somebody going in there... - Yeah.

or once we’re in, how long before we get out.

- I mean, what is the whole-- - It’s not a one-shot deal.

Oh, you better believe it’s gonna be a one-shot deal

because I won’t think twice about lodging a bullet

in somebody’s brain, I’m a bad apple!

- All right, let’s go. - All right. All right. Sit down.

Sit down. Sit down. Sit down. All right, come on. Sit down.

Everybody sit down. I’ll put a lid on it.

Listen up, I did a little research on banks, okay.

Their hours are 10 to 3.

So, why don’t we make the hit before they open?

Before they open?

How are we supposed to get in?

We wait till they open then it’s in and out, nobody gets hurt.

Okay, let me understand this, so we’re in after 10

and went out sometime before 3, then?

Exactly. Exactly.

And boys, let’s stick to the plan this time, huh?

And if this works out,

I got another plan to knock over a jewelry store.

The plan is hit him hard and hit him fast.

( chuckles ) How hard do we hit them?

- And what do we hit them with? - How long do we hit them?

- Hit hard, all right. Let’s do it tomorrow. - All right, let’s do it.

- Come on. Let’s go. Let’s go. - Settle down. Settle down. Settle down.

All right, let him go. Let him go.

All right. Now remember, first things first.

Tomorrow morning with the bank,

the plan is in and out, nobody gets hurt, okay?

What are we gonna do?

- Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba! - No, no, no, no.

In and out, nobody gets hurt.

* Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa *

- * Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa * - Good.

- * Pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa * - In and out, good, good.

( cheers and applause )

*

Whoa. Was that a great show or what?

Thank you for watching.

I’ve had a great time.

Come back next week.

Good night everybody.

( cheers and applause )

*