Original subtitles

Previously on Danger 5...

You took those photos to get back at Khrushchev?

Aaagh!

Game's up, my friend! Drop the wiener!

Sonofabitch!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hitler has possessed Holly

and now I think he's messing with the space-time continuum!

Quickly, friends! Take a drink!

We're going back in time!

Goal!

Hmm.

Ma perche...? Ma che cosa...?

Hoo-hoo!

Ugh!

It worked. We're back in World War II.

What the hell did you put in that time travel cocktail, Pierre?

Mozzarella! You can't go back in time without cheese!

No! Don't shoot!

Shut up! Shut up!

It's the space-time continuum.

Anything we alter here, in the past, can change the future.

So, we can't shoot Nazis? No.

We can't shoot Nazis?! Heil Hitler!

Nein! Nein! Nein!

Aaagh!

Aaagh! Aaagh!

My neck! Oh! The continuum!

The continuum, my friend! The continuum!

Whoa, whoa! Easy, pal. Easy, easy. Let me see, let me see.

Oh, your neck is fine!

There's nothing there!

You're cool! Be cool!

Calm down, you silly billy.

Just listen to me, my friends.

Hitler possessed Holly. He has come back here to alter the future.

And we have to stop and make sure we don't alter the future in the process.

Huh?

Ohh!

Alright, we were here before!

This is the last Christmas of the war!

The mission was to rescue the Colonel.

We flew the Danger Zeppelin with the Deluxe Danger Rocket attachment.

While I took care of the guards.

Then we freed the Colonel and discovered the cocktail waterfall!

Hey! I forgot about the waterfall!

We all got so drunk!

Wait! That means Claire's here!

I'll see her again!

Oh, no, no, don't get any ideas, Tucker.

All we have to do is capture Holly - uh, Hitler Holly -

and return to the future before any damage is done.

Da... Yeah! Yeah!

No! NO!

Don't touch anything,

don't talk to anyone, don't shoot any more Nazis

and don't do anything foolish like talk to your past self.

Yes. You're right, Pierre.

It would be foolish of me to embrace this opportunity

to see my wife alive again...

..or to hold her...

..to kiss her.

Mmm! Ah-ha-ha!

No, no, no! Tucker!

Stop Holly before she ruins the future!

Merry Christmas, my friends. We come, bearing gifts!

That little girl looks and sounds like Hitler.

And it looks like she's packin' some sort of heat.

Aaaaaaagh!

Nice shot, my friend, huh?

Alright, team.

Let's go rescue the Colonel.

Your plan is as repulsive as this vegetarian cuttlefish, Hitler.

Oh... Ah...

Ohh...

Huh?

Ha!

Toodle-oo! That'll do.

Hmm-hmm-hmm! Stop it, Tucker!

You're doing irreversible damage to the fabric of time!

And my mind! I'm sorry, Pierre.

But I'm in love! Claire, I'm coming for you!

Aaagh...

Merry Christmas, Pierre!

Aaagh!

Aaaaaaagh!

Oh...

No, no, it's me!

The continuum! It's OK, my friend. Come.

Join the Christmas luau, huh?

Aaaagh!

Oh. Huh?

It looks like trouble.

Only Americans drink the nog.

Go, go, Danger Net Pack!

No, not the Net Pack!

Freeze, you Kraut bastards!

Sigaretu? Hmm?

Huh?

Yes! Yes!

Let go of me, you brute!

Let go of YOU, you brute!

Claire.

Ha! En garde, Kaltenbrunner!

Oh!

Oh... Off with your toupee!

Ahh! Ohh! No!

It burns!

Are you ready for prime time? What's that?

It's when I show you my stiffy.

Oh!

Not so fast, you Nazi pastie!

I'll save you, Claire. Tucker!

There's only room in the world for one Tucker.

Ohh!

Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, wunderbar! Wunderbar!

Excellent! Excellent shooting.

Lieutenant, would you care to join us in the dungeon

to, uh, unwrap this tasty little Christmas present?

Yes. Yes.

Yes, I would.

This is the best Christmas miracle a man could wish for.

A visit from my future self.

No, no, I can't be talking to you.

I could be totally ducking up the continuum.

How did you know I was from the future?

Hey, hey, hey. Take it easy, my future friend, huh?

Here.

Have a drink of some Honolulu Lullaby.

Drink.

Man, that's a tasty drink!

And nothing bad seems to be happening.

Mm. Yeah.

Maybe a little partying with my past self

won't hurt the continuum after all.

Hey...

This calls for a celebration!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey. What is that?

It's the future!

Play.

Uh... Hmm.

Let me get this straight - you guys came back from the future

to stop an invincible girl, possessed by Hitler,

from changing the future?

That means we don't kill Hitler, right?

Yeah, but we got more important things to worry about.

More important? What's more important than...?

You gotta do something about Ilsa while YOU still have a chance.

Do something? Like... what do you mean?

You gotta man up and move in, before she goes 100% Commie.

And tell her how you feel.

Tell her how I feel? Yeah.

Feelings? What - do I become some sort of fruit in the future?

Mm.

Shit! Shit!

Aagh!

Get the hell down, man! Go!

Go, go!

Go, go, go! Get in the hole!

♪ Springtime in Vienna! ♪

Stop working so fast, Kaltenbrunner.

Can't you see I want her to cower at the terror of my 40 chickens?!

WE agreed on the bricking, Ali Baba.

Anyway, I only count eight chickens.

Alas, many chicken fell on the journey

from Damascus to Aqaba.

But what if we entomb her with these?

Yes! Think of the honey!

Hey! I love honey!

What you think about that, Lieutenant?

Ugh!

The jokes ON you, Kaltenbrunner.

An imposter! Quick, chicken! Protect the gold!

Oh, man!

Ice-cream?

Oh...

Because the cow is cold. Yes!

Very clever. Tucker?!

Now that we're married, you can have it all!

Ahh!

Birds! Bla... Aah...

Splendid job. Now, come on, let's go rescue the Colonel.

I don't think the million-dollar Danger-Gator is expensive enough

to blow up Dog Mountain.

Just shoot, already!

You guys would have won the war three times over by now

if you shot your guns off as much as your damn mouths!

Aagh! Aagh!

Aaaagh!

Aaagh!

That oughta seal it up.

I could do that. I could DO that. I can do...

Whoa.

Ha!

Aah... Avalanche!

Noooo!

Whoo!

Man, you just can't get

waterfall-fresh cocktails like this in the future.

It just needs, uh, you know,

a little bit of relish.

Whoa!

Mmm!

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

What's the big idea?!

Don't be mouthin' me!

You should be mouthin' him!

Ilsa, what...?

Old?

Damaged?

Why would Hitler be keeping the Colonel in this... romantic bedroom?

You must be... worn out from all that torture, Claire.

Mm!

Why don't you, uh, make yourself comfortable on this, uh, bed?

Oh, lovey-dovey. Ohh!

What is wrong with you?!

I just... know how much you like roses.

No, I don't. I... can't stand the smell.

Oh... Yes, you're right!

Ooh, stop beating around the bush, Tucker, Tucker!

Just say it!

Claire, I want to show you something.

Have you found sensitive dossiers?

No.

Are you ready for... prime time?

Hmm. What's prime time?

It's, uh...

..when I show you my stiffy.

Speak up, Tucker! Stiffy!

Oh! Aah!

Can't you see I'm trying to foreplay you, Claire?

Tucker, you're acting like a man!

It's Christmas, Claire, and I'm going to intercourse you -

no two ways about it.

Two-way intercourse? Mmm!

Ohh! Mmm!

Claire? How could you?

Two Tuckers?

My God.

You're me.

Yes. From the future.

And I'm a Nazi?

Goodbye, Claire. No!

Yes, do it! There's only room in the world for one Tucker.

You're right. Ohhh!

I can't wait for the future.

I love this synth!

♪ Bee-boo-ba-ba-boo! ♪

This telephone!

These computer disks!

These...! Hey, what are these?!

Uh, cheer-up movies!

I LOVE cheer-up movies!

Aaaagh!

Aagh! Aaagh!

Stop it, Tuckers!

Run, Pierre! The future people have come to get us!

Sure! Uh, no, they are our friends.

Two Tuckers? Two Pierres?

Where's Ilsa and Jackson and... me?

You're right here.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

If you don't come away with me, Claire,

then this will be your fate!

Ohh! Now...

Stop being a flannel and let's live happily ever after.

Tucker, you've had your Claire. You can't have another one!

"Why try future marmalade on your crumpet

"when... present marmalade does the job just fine?" I say.

Oh, leave me alone!

Tucker, we've been consumed by the temptations of time travel

and forgotten the real reason we're here.

I thought you were here to party. Yes! Uh... no.

Wait. No.

Hitler has come back from the future to change the world.

And if we do not stop him, then we may never exist!

We should fight them together!

Yes! I won't work with these murderous future scoundrels!

Hear, hear.

Come on, my friends, huh?

It's Christmas.

Yes! Yeah.

Oh...

Oh... alright, then.

Oh-ho-ho! Yes! Yeah!

Oh!

Wow!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Cheers. Cheers. Oh, hey, hey, stop!

We've done it again! We're supposed to be killing Hitler!

Come on, Pierre.

One more waterfall-fresh Shirley Temple.

No! Yes!

Sorry, my friend. I thought he was talking to me!

I thought he was talking to me!

'Cause we are the same...

Let's go win some war.

Yeah!

Hey? Hey, you? Huh? Huh? Huh?

I'm on your side. I'm a spy.

Spy? Look.

Huh? Uh...

Oh!

Aaagh!

Ahh!

Shut up, Leanne!

I don't wanna go to school!

Hey.

Where am I?

There's that shiny piece of shrimp!

This one! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, Hitler. I have the power.

Sit... down... you!

Huh? Oh...

Damn it.

Now original Hitler is invincible.

He's won! Shit!

We need a Christmas miracle.

And we need it fast. This place is falling apart.

Claire, do you still have...?

Claire?

We're here to rescue you, Colonel.

No, naive Pierre.

Get down, Claire. Get down.

Get down!

No!

No!

Aaagh!

No! Aaagh! Aah!

We're still here, right?

Are you alright, my friends? Do you feel like you don't exist?

No. Uh, me neither.

I, uh, feel pretty good.

Then the continuum was bull-fish!

Not so fast, Johnny!

I'm putting you in detention!

Aaaagh!

Nice one, my friend!

Whoa! Whoa-whoa!

More like gun power.

Aaagh! Aaagh! Aaagh!

I'm so sorry, Claire.

I suppose this means...

..I'm just not meant to have you.

Here, take this, in case you get peckish in the afterlife.

I'm sorry, Colonel.

We came from the future to stop this from happening.

Nice work, you migrant.

Yes, Ilsa.

I think it's safe to assume Hitler is proper dead.

Adolf Dead-ler.

Yes. I like the sound of that.

Ohhh! Just get me the hell out of here!

Lucky I brought extra mozzarella.

Here, take one. Yes, here, one for you!

Here, Tucker, Jackson.

Wait!

Can we spare an extra drink...

..for the Colonel?

Don't be a prawn cracker, Tucker!

Now you're gone, I'm gonna get all the credit for winning the war!

Now, nick off, before you ruin it somehow!

To the future!

Yeah! Ugh!

Ohh...

Ohhh!

Hey, hey!

Smells like our original time line.

We're home!

Yeah!

Yeah! Fast-food joint! Bonus!

Let's go pat that horse!

I'll take five guacamole wieners and an extra medium cheese-shake.

A German horse. Ooh.

Huh?

Hitler Hat?!

Hitler Hat?!

Mm.

Uh-oh.

New from Tamico,

Das Fuhrer, the board game!

Listen to Hitler's orders and survive.

All players eat one mushroom.

Yes, mein Fuhrer!

Ugh!

Progress around the board using Hitler's dice dome!

Oh, no!

I landed on war crimes!

Take your cyanide before the Allies find you.

Yes! Honourable death bonus!

Be the first to escape to Argentina

and live off untold stolen riches!

Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha!

Victory.

Das Fuhrer board game, available now

at all good pro-Nazi retailers, from Tamico.