Original subtitles

Previously on Danger 5...

Danger 5 will hunt you down, you...

Carlos killed The Colonel. Carlos has to pay.

You said it, Jackson.

Don't ever run away from me again, my friend!

OK!

- Corey Adams? - Present.

Holly de Palma?

Here.

Johnny Hitler?

Hitler?

Hitler?

Heil.

SCHOOOOOOOL!

We're going to make you all pretty

for your first day of school, Claire.

Oops! Let me remove that pesky sandman from your eye.

That's better.

Good morning, Pierre!

Eat me, my friends.

Hey! My latest single!

Oh, nice. Yeah.

Man, I'm so excited!

High school was the best time of my life!

The golden age of house parties, the rock'n'roll wrestling.

Uh, there won't be any rock and roll anything, Pierre.

We're on an important mission.

And thanks to Ilsa, we know Hitler has his eyes on a female student.

So I stayed up all night making this identikit.

Hm. Nice. Meh?

I think this is the kind of girl Hitler would be after.

We'll find this girl, use her as bait to kill Hitler.

Breakfast cakes! They smell SO nice!

Then, Hitler's magic will wear off and Claire will come back to life!

Easy-peasy...

Ohh!

Are you alright, my friend?

I'm perfectly fine.

Got a date yet?

Eat me, Michelle!

You can't go to the dance alone.

You'll look like a total lesbo.

I'd rather look like a lez

than go to the dance with any of these duds, boneheads or gweebs.

Hey, Holly. Got a date for the dance?

C'mon, this gweeb's got needs!

What's that, Dwayne?

You laminate your porn so you can take it in the shower?

Laminated porn?

Why didn't I think of that before?

C'mon, Hol.

Don't you wanna stop Stacey and Corey from being crowned

King and Queen of Christmas?

Hey! Get a room and have sex in it!

That's a great idea!

C'mon, babe. Let's flex to sex.

This water's too cold, Pierre. It's hurting my teeth!

Hurry up, Tucker. We'll be late for class!

Where's Claire!

I forgot to bring Claire!

I can't do this without her!

Claire!

Claire? Be cool my friend.

Hey! Is that Pierre?

Ah, no, my friends. My name is Pablo Lamborghini!

I'm a kid! Holy cheese!

It IS Pierre! You're totally famous!

No, no. It really isn't me.

Sign my goddamn thigh!

Ah... yes, it is me!

What are you doing here, Pierre?

Well, I've come back to learn school again!

C'mon!

Whoa! Who's that?

That's Lisa Lopez. She's from Australia.

Yo, Kowalski, I heard Australian chicks are, like, permanently horny.

Yo, Australia!

Got a date for the dance tonight?

My collar bone!

Slater, bro, she's incredible!

There she is.

Don't screw it up this time.

Ah, Ilsa...

..maybe when this is all over we could, you know, uh...

..catch up, uh, or something?

I have ham at my place.

Freeze, Hitler!

I'll take that popgun, young man. I'm a cop, man!

Lies are gonna get you just one place, son,

and that's detention!

What!?

No, no, no, no.

This is the boys' rest room, and you're not a boy, are you?

Unless you're a ladyboy.

Oh, oh! You're an exchange student.

OK, well, senoritas' rest room is over there.

Felix Navidad!

What about Sandy Cameron? Ew! Slimeball.

Michael Crisci? Perv.

D-Van?

Oh, my God. She's bald like a robot.

Here we go.

Gun penis!

Please have mercy!

No, not again! Ahhh!

No.

Not quite.

Hitler.

Hey, Johnny Hitler's screwing with Mr Teacherman!

Johnny Hitler?

Ohhh...

No!

Stop it!

Stick it to him, Johnny Hitler!

Check out that sports wallet.

Dearly beloved, we have all gathered here today...

Oh!

Johnny Hitler! Johnny Hitler! Johnny Hitler!

Johnny Hitler! Johnny Hitler! Johnny Hitler!

Sit down, Mr Johnson. It's not three o'clock just yet.

I'm not a kid, dammit!

My name is Detective Jackson, MCPD. I'm a cop!

Well, your file says your name's Billy Johnson,

that you're sixteen years old, and these files are always right.

That is just cover.

It's infiltration, it's secret cop stuff.

Look, just listen to me, man.

Adolf Hitler is in your school. Everybody is in danger.

You just gotta set me free. Just give me my gun, man.

You're not going anywhere

till you write out your punishment 1,000 times.

I already did it.

What? These drawings of flowers?

They're dicks! Oh, yeah. I see it now.

Well, I've gotta do some principalling.

In the meantime, Mr Mendez will supervise you.

Mendez?

So, do you know any girls who like Germany or National Socialism?

Alright. It's ready!

Oh! Totally laminated!

It's like a placemat! You could eat off this!

I can't wait to have a shower.

Let's have a shower!

Hey, Michelle, what do you think of Johnny Hitler?

He looks like an old Italian dude

pretending to be an even older German dude!

Someone give me a goddamn gun!

But Ilsa, you must find that schoolgirl before Hitler does!

Must I praise the leaves where no fruit I find?

Shhh...

Goddammit! Someone gimme a piece!

He's, like, a total loser.

Here it comes!

You're out! Yeah! I am king! King of lunch ball!

I guess I'll have another shower.

Huh?

Wow.

Hitler?

Johnny Hitler? You know him?

Word is he hates books and juice.

I think Johnny Hitler is calling Famous Pierre

to a lunch ball challenge.

Nobody can beat Famous Pierre. He's too famous to lose.

Why isn't he trying to kill me?

What are you playing at Hitler?!

Ohh!

I have not held this ball since Normandy.

Many points were won, but many lives were lost.

You will not defeat me again! Ergh!

Ich bin body lob.

Ich bin foxy.

Damn him!

Ich bin slingshot.

Noooo!

Ich bin king.

Johnny Hitler's the coolest kid on campus!

Hey, Johnny.

Heil.

I was just wonderin'...

Ah, hello?

Anybody home?

Sweet.

Pick me up at seven.

Ja...

Stop gloating, Johnny Hitler, and pick up 10 papers!

For all those books you burned.

Ergh!

See you later, Johnny!

Keep your eyes off of my date, Lisa Lez-pez.

I'm not a flower, McKenzie!

Why must you water me?!

No time to talk! Have to get ready for the dance!

I'm broken, McKenzie!

You need to fix me!

Hitler has a hot date tonight, huh?

The girl must be his target!

But we will show him, huh?

I like this one.

Yes, the silver one.

Shiny. I like shiny.

Of course!

He wants to be the King of Christmas!

No, no, no, no, no! Me first!

Ya! Ya! Ya! Phwoar! Ha.

Not quite, my friend!

Now we are ready!

I killed this dog and harvested its owner's tears - just like you said.

Hai-ya!

Hai-ya!

Hai-ya! Stop it!

Jelly beans!

Jelly beans! Jelly beans!

Ah, jelly beans.

Welcome to Burger Hat. Can I take your order?

Backup! I need backup!

One extra-medium backup bacon meal.

Son of a bitch.

Golly gosh! What a beautiful corsage!

You look amazing, honey.

Shut up, Leanne. I know how I look!

I got a good feeling about this guy, hon.

You seem like a real stand-up guy, Johnny.

College material.

Stop embarrassing me, Stu!

I've had enough of these foster bozos, Johnny.

I'll see you in the car.

Hey, tiger, just remember - have Holly back before ten.

Mom? Dad?

Are you Santa?

Cool.

Looks like 30 inches. Very good.

You're a great dancer, Johnny.

Great. Very good.

And now the moment for which you've all been waiting!

The crowning of MDW Trinity High's King and Queen of Christmas.

Carlos!

The only fete I'm after

is one held on a public holiday at a reputable primary school.

Stop chuckling at me!

Hya! Hya! Hya! Ahh!

Yaaaa!

Ninja Tucker! Daddy long legs spider!

And this year's King and Queen of Christmas are...

I'm sorry I threw up so much in the limo.

..Famous Pierre and Lisa Lopez!

Well, Lisa's Australian, so she wins by default.

And Pierre taught us how to make bootleg schnapps

and gave us fake IDs.

Mine says I'm 27. See?

Nein!

Where'd ya go, Johnny?

Well, now that's done, I can finally enjoy my potato chips.

Cheese and chives?

Knock off the fish, Hitler! Come out and face us!

Yeah, Johnny! Come out and stop these perverts from feeling me up!

Kowalski! Kowalski!

Over here, bro. Oh!

There's plenty of room.

Johnny Hitler will never find us in here.

There's, like, 10 lockers.

Let's smoke some serious doobage.

Oh, my God!

I gotta wash off all this fear!

Huh? Oh, hey.

Whoa! Whoa!

We gotta get outta here, babe! There's a psychopath on the loose.

Don't you wanna bone one last time before you die?

Definitely.

You gotta save me from these fruitcakes, Johnny Hitler!

Be quiet, peanut!

His name is Adolf Hitler and it looks like he wants to kill you.

But he's my date!

What the hell is that?

Ilsa, I got this!

Oops. Ah, fish!

This is the police! Put your hands in the air!

Hey, it's OK! We're the good guys!

Go! Go! Go, go, go!

Go! Go!

Huh?

Suck a stiffy, Mendez.

Yeah!

Goddammit.

Those slimy pieces of shit got away scot-free!

No prints.

No leads.

We ain't got shit.

Who the hell are you?

New from Tamico!

♪ Baby Hitler He's so cute

♪ He's allergic to anything made of fruit

I hate juice!

♪ Rolls-Royce stroller Riding in style

♪ Making all the babies heil

Heil Hitler!

♪ He's covered in pollen

♪ From head to toe

♪ Make it fall like snow

My eyes!

♪ Got a big day tomorrow

♪ Lots of fun things to do

Goodnight, Baby Hitler.

♪ Baby Hitler's your best friend

♪ And he's a night light too! ♪

Baby Hitler stroller, juice,

pollen and faeces sold separately. From Tamico.

Maybe someone set him up? Yeah.

Got you, you sonofabitch.

Hello, Ilsa.