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1
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For one thousand centuries...
2
00:01:40,326 --> 00:01:45,034
the Falafel family has ruled
the deserts with one thing:
3
00:01:45,118 --> 00:01:46,784
Speed!
4
00:01:47,076 --> 00:01:51,367
We have the fastest camels
and the fastest horses!
5
00:01:51,451 --> 00:01:54,325
Now, due to...
6
00:01:55,618 --> 00:01:58,034
...you know what...
7
00:01:59,368 --> 00:02:02,784
...we have the fastest planes...
8
00:02:03,368 --> 00:02:06,367
...the fastest boats
and the fastest cars!
9
00:02:06,535 --> 00:02:08,909
Except for one: yours!
10
00:02:09,451 --> 00:02:14,075
Last year I sent you
to America for one simple task.
11
00:02:14,285 --> 00:02:15,867
So simple.
12
00:02:15,951 --> 00:02:20,284
To emblazon the Falafel name
as the fastest in the world
13
00:02:20,368 --> 00:02:24,159
by winning the Cannonball Run.
14
00:02:24,868 --> 00:02:27,784
And you... failed!
15
00:02:29,701 --> 00:02:32,909
A thousand thanks!
- But Lion of the deserts...
16
00:02:33,035 --> 00:02:35,284
...King of Kings...
17
00:02:35,368 --> 00:02:41,200
...Pop! - No excuses,
you son of my ugliest wife!
18
00:02:44,451 --> 00:02:46,700
A thousand thanks!
19
00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:56,659
How come you have a blond,
blue-eyed slave, hm?
20
00:02:58,326 --> 00:03:02,075
He's an actor.
Hasn't had a series in seven years.
21
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,700
Nine!
22
00:03:07,826 --> 00:03:11,075
Two thousand thanks!
- I know I didn't win, Pop.
23
00:03:11,285 --> 00:03:14,284
I was sick. My ulcer...
24
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:18,284
I order you back to America...
25
00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:21,659
...to win the Cannonball Run!
26
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:24,784
I give you one last chance, because...
27
00:03:25,576 --> 00:03:28,200
...you are my only son
with a driver's license.
28
00:03:28,326 --> 00:03:32,575
But Pop, there is no
Cannonball Run this year. - So?
29
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:38,117
Buy one. - Of course!
30
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:03,784
Couple of wise guys behind us.
- Slow down. Let's see how ballsy they are.
31
00:04:05,368 --> 00:04:11,284
Wow! What a couple of great-looking chicks!
- So much for boredom! - Let's nail 'em!
32
00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:14,784
Wise broads.
- They can't outrun the radio.
33
00:05:14,826 --> 00:05:18,034
Charlie, you got one heading your way.
You'Il see it in about three minutes.
34
00:05:18,076 --> 00:05:22,034
You're three minutes are up!
Man, a couple of great-looking chicks!
35
00:05:35,285 --> 00:05:38,909
Road's straight as an arrow. I can see
for five miles. Wonder where they are?
36
00:05:39,035 --> 00:05:43,617
Don't panic. Just watch the side roads
for dust. No way they can shake us.
37
00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:56,534
You heard me? I think we lost 'em.
- How can you lose a white Lamborghini
38
00:05:56,618 --> 00:06:02,200
with two chicks in the middle of nowhere?
- What is this? A quiz? We lost 'em, okay?
39
00:06:02,326 --> 00:06:05,784
Haha. I just found 'em, son.
This here's the end of the hunt.
40
00:06:05,910 --> 00:06:07,617
Good luck, buddy!
41
00:06:11,868 --> 00:06:15,617
Figure, they gotta be between us.
Just pull out and block the damn' road.
42
00:06:16,826 --> 00:06:19,867
You got any other bright ideas?
43
00:06:40,035 --> 00:06:43,117
I'm eastbound in pursuit
of a white Lamborghini.
44
00:06:43,201 --> 00:06:45,867
This is not a recording.
45
00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:11,909
Hey, thanks for the hose job!
46
00:07:27,535 --> 00:07:30,825
If I tell you boys something, you
won't think I've been drinking, will ya?
47
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:35,534
The white Lamborghini is vanished, but
there's a red one behind me honking its horn.
48
00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:40,325
Correction! It's passing me, and it's
got two great-looking chicks in it!
49
00:08:02,285 --> 00:08:06,784
You know Marcie, we've got this routine down.
- Yeah, I think we're ready for the Cannonball.
50
00:08:06,910 --> 00:08:09,659
Oh yeah, I think so.
How far is Redondo Beach?
51
00:08:10,118 --> 00:08:12,784
150 miles. - Hm, an hour flat.
52
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,617
What are we waiting for? Let's go!
53
00:08:46,118 --> 00:08:49,867
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen
to the fifth annual Madera air show.
54
00:08:50,076 --> 00:08:54,825
The greatest, most sensational gathering
of stunt pilots and daredevils in the US.
55
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:58,784
Displays of flying and courage
like you've never seen before...
56
00:08:59,035 --> 00:09:01,867
...concluding with the most
death-defying stunt of them all:
57
00:09:02,035 --> 00:09:05,617
The human Bomb!
So grab your kids, grab your hats.
58
00:09:05,785 --> 00:09:08,659
The festivities will begin shortly!
59
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,200
Are you sure this is a good idea, J.J.?
60
00:09:18,410 --> 00:09:20,575
A good idea?
61
00:09:21,285 --> 00:09:23,617
We're gonna get so rich.
- Rich? - Rich!
62
00:09:23,826 --> 00:09:27,534
We're gonna split everything 50/50
right down the middle. We're partners!
63
00:09:27,618 --> 00:09:30,784
Partners? - You bet. We're friends,
aren't we? - Partners and friends.
64
00:09:30,826 --> 00:09:34,409
And we're gonna be rich. - Rich
partners and friends. - That's right!
65
00:09:35,285 --> 00:09:38,617
What if something goes wrong?
- What could go wrong?
66
00:09:40,201 --> 00:09:43,825
We've got the ace dive
bomber pilot from World War II.
67
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:47,325
Dive bomber? - Oh yeah.
He'll let you go right out of the plane...
68
00:09:47,785 --> 00:09:51,200
...with this. And you'll go right through
that target. - Target? - Right through...
69
00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:53,950
...and into a net, strong net... - Net?
70
00:09:54,201 --> 00:09:57,825
And if you go through the net, then you'll
land in some hay. I mean, so much hay
71
00:09:57,951 --> 00:10:01,659
you could feed all the cattle in Texas.
- What am I worried about?
72
00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:04,867
Nothing! Are you crazy?
- I'm so glad you're laughing.
73
00:10:05,035 --> 00:10:09,700
He can't miss! He can't miss!
I bless you. You will not miss.
74
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:13,075
J.J., I'm still scared.
- You're still scared? - Yeah.
75
00:10:13,285 --> 00:10:17,450
Well, if you're scared,
you could always have "him" do it.
76
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:21,700
"Him" doesn't come unless
there's grave danger to human life.
77
00:10:22,701 --> 00:10:24,367
Right...
78
00:10:25,535 --> 00:10:27,950
You oughta call "him".
79
00:10:31,618 --> 00:10:33,409
Hello, this is Jack Smith.
80
00:10:33,910 --> 00:10:38,200
We've brought our cameras to record for
our 30 million viewers a vintage dive bomber,
81
00:10:38,285 --> 00:10:42,325
flying on a simulated attack run,
drop a human bomb.
82
00:10:42,618 --> 00:10:45,784
A man encased in steel,
risking life and limb,
83
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:48,950
hurtling to the ground
at 140 miles per hour!
84
00:10:49,076 --> 00:10:51,950
Now, this is a man
of such great courage
85
00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:54,367
that he's destined to become
a household name.
86
00:10:54,576 --> 00:10:57,200
He'll be besieged for autographs,
87
00:10:57,285 --> 00:11:00,534
his picture will be on magazine
covers all over the world.
88
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:03,700
Millions of adoring women
will be at his feet.
89
00:11:03,785 --> 00:11:06,617
He's bound to become
a national celebrity.
90
00:11:11,368 --> 00:11:13,325
Oh, shit...
91
00:11:15,826 --> 00:11:19,700
J.J.! Long time no see!
- Nice to see you, Captain Chaos.
92
00:11:20,326 --> 00:11:24,284
Listen, I'd like to take your place in
the bomb. - Have no fear. "Him" is here.
93
00:11:24,368 --> 00:11:27,409
It'd make me very happy.
- You want it? - Yes. - You got it.
94
00:11:27,951 --> 00:11:30,784
Thank you. - Suck in! - Okay.
95
00:11:31,785 --> 00:11:33,034
What a guy!
96
00:11:41,035 --> 00:11:44,575
Give me a D, give me a D,
give me a D-E-U,
97
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:48,075
give me a T, give me a T,
T- S-C-H.
98
00:11:48,326 --> 00:11:51,450
Yea, Deutschland!
Listen...
99
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,659
You think you might like a beer? - Hey!
100
00:11:55,535 --> 00:11:59,075
Hey! - Deutschland, Deutschland...
- I want outta here!
101
00:11:59,368 --> 00:12:02,034
You asked for it!
102
00:12:11,701 --> 00:12:14,159
Here he comes, folks...
Here he is...
103
00:12:14,285 --> 00:12:17,075
One of the most dangerous stunts
we've ever had performed in Madera.
104
00:12:20,535 --> 00:12:24,159
On his final approach... This has
to be perfect the first time around.
105
00:12:51,785 --> 00:12:54,200
That's my partner.
What a team!
106
00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:57,784
The crash trucks are on their way.
We'll have word on his condition in a minute.
107
00:12:57,868 --> 00:13:00,659
What a pilot! What a pilot!
Are you okay?
108
00:13:00,785 --> 00:13:04,284
Oh my goodness, did you see that?
Wasn't that fantastic?
109
00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:07,409
I'm so terrifically happy...
- Oh, shut up and get me outta here!
110
00:13:07,535 --> 00:13:09,784
Did you hear the crowd?
We were terrific! - Get me out!
111
00:13:09,868 --> 00:13:13,659
I can just see us on PEOPLE
magazine. We're gonna be a big hit!
112
00:13:13,868 --> 00:13:16,367
J.J., you seem a little shorter!
113
00:13:16,826 --> 00:13:20,534
J.J., are you okay? You know
something? I figured it out. - Yeah?
114
00:13:20,618 --> 00:13:23,575
If we do this ten times a day...
- Yeah? - ... by the end of the year
115
00:13:23,701 --> 00:13:25,950
we're gonna be billionaires!
116
00:13:26,868 --> 00:13:29,284
What is that? - Oh don't worry
about that. It's the CannonbalI Race.
117
00:13:29,326 --> 00:13:33,325
It's on again. A million dollars' the prize.
Don't worry. We're gonna be billionaires.
118
00:13:36,201 --> 00:13:39,700
What did I say? - You want me
to do this ten times a day?
119
00:13:40,201 --> 00:13:41,784
Nine?
120
00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:45,409
What a grouch!
121
00:13:53,201 --> 00:13:57,034
I asked you to come here
out of respect for the family.
122
00:13:57,910 --> 00:14:00,950
In the past, the Cannelloni family
123
00:14:01,076 --> 00:14:06,117
was the richest and most
powerful family of all the families.
124
00:14:06,785 --> 00:14:11,450
We controlled drugs,
prostitution, extortion,
125
00:14:12,035 --> 00:14:15,784
prostitution, gambling... - Eh.
126
00:14:16,118 --> 00:14:18,950
You said "prostitution" twice.
127
00:14:19,076 --> 00:14:21,825
Well, I like it. And now...
128
00:14:22,285 --> 00:14:26,534
...the Rigatonis, the Tortellinis,
the Fettucinis...
129
00:14:27,118 --> 00:14:30,784
...and even the Raviolis
are bigger than we are.
130
00:14:32,201 --> 00:14:33,409
And why?
131
00:14:34,035 --> 00:14:40,034
High interest rates?
- Acid rain? - Japanese imports?
132
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:47,784
None of the above.
133
00:14:48,576 --> 00:14:51,450
No... No... No.
134
00:14:51,660 --> 00:14:53,575
You I'm not even gonna answer.
135
00:14:54,118 --> 00:14:58,159
Gee boss, if I knew there was gonna
be a test I... I would have studied.
136
00:14:58,785 --> 00:15:02,409
When I passed on
the powers of the Don...
137
00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:05,034
...to my son Don,
138
00:15:05,201 --> 00:15:08,075
making him Don Don,
139
00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:10,409
I had high hopes for him.
140
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,367
And what has he done?
He has only brought us disgrace...
141
00:15:15,618 --> 00:15:17,784
...and shame.
142
00:15:20,076 --> 00:15:22,117
Wait a minute...
143
00:15:24,576 --> 00:15:27,075
This cat is dead.
144
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:31,617
Get me a new cat.
145
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,784
Oh God...
146
00:15:37,410 --> 00:15:40,034
The cat could have been a contender.
147
00:15:40,285 --> 00:15:42,617
I should have thought...
Thank you.
148
00:15:44,035 --> 00:15:47,159
It's a tabby. Very nice.
149
00:15:49,535 --> 00:15:51,325
It's a boy.
150
00:15:55,868 --> 00:16:00,534
Boys, go to Vegas.
Lean on Don.
151
00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:05,784
Don Don. - Hm? - We're here
to straighten out your affairs.
152
00:16:06,451 --> 00:16:09,075
What are your assets?
153
00:16:10,326 --> 00:16:14,200
Well, I'm good-natured and I dress well.
And some people think...
154
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:20,325
What about your liabilities?
- Well, there is...
155
00:16:20,451 --> 00:16:22,784
...one smalI liability.
156
00:16:23,035 --> 00:16:24,117
What?
157
00:16:24,576 --> 00:16:27,409
Well... I could use a tummy tuck.
158
00:16:27,868 --> 00:16:30,200
A tummy tuck? A tummy tuck?!
159
00:16:32,035 --> 00:16:35,200
I'll kill him... I'll kill him.
- Calm yourself. - I'Il kill him.
160
00:16:36,285 --> 00:16:40,075
Don Don, do you have any
outstanding markers?
161
00:16:40,535 --> 00:16:43,534
Look in the in-box.
- Look in the in-box.
162
00:16:45,868 --> 00:16:50,284
30,000... It's not too
outstanding, but it's a start.
163
00:16:52,451 --> 00:16:56,409
Fenderbaum? - Hm.
- Fenderbaum...
164
00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:05,284
You better call Jim and tell him where his
car is. - Me? I called last time. You call Jim.
165
00:17:10,368 --> 00:17:13,534
Well, hi there!
- Hi! Could I help you girls?
166
00:17:14,035 --> 00:17:17,784
This thing's stuck. - Oh yeah. Yeah.
167
00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:21,867
Take a hike, Mike. - Yeah, get lost.
168
00:17:26,535 --> 00:17:31,034
Ugh. What a jerk! - Okay.
What are we gonna do? Marcie, hey.
169
00:17:31,285 --> 00:17:35,034
Hey, honey. Right here, yeah.
Come on here, baby.
170
00:17:35,285 --> 00:17:37,200
Hi, sugar.
171
00:17:40,118 --> 00:17:43,325
You girls all right? - Could be.
172
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:46,075
This is a beauty.
Doesn't sound stock.
173
00:17:46,285 --> 00:17:50,534
It isn't. I took the six out
and shoe-horned in a 383 hemi.
174
00:17:50,576 --> 00:17:54,034
It's hot, baby.
- Hey, you got room for two more?
175
00:17:55,618 --> 00:17:59,367
I'm Marcie. - Yeah, and I'm Jill.
- I'm George. - Let's go, Georgie.
176
00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:07,534
L.A. Tower to Japan cargo.
Report to hangar three.
177
00:18:07,660 --> 00:18:09,575
Roger, Tower.
178
00:18:10,451 --> 00:18:14,075
No luck. They want us in customs.
They'll impound your car for two days.
179
00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:17,409
That means, you're gonna miss the race.
What do you want to do?
180
00:18:18,535 --> 00:18:20,784
Okay, down! - Okay.
181
00:18:21,285 --> 00:18:23,534
Change of plans. You're bailing out.
182
00:18:25,451 --> 00:18:27,575
Button up! - Roger.
183
00:18:29,618 --> 00:18:32,367
Battle stations!
184
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:14,700
Okay, make us invisible.
185
00:19:59,618 --> 00:20:03,450
I know you're in there, Blake.
I can hear the ice cubes.
186
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,950
This is me, Fenderbaum.
So open up!
187
00:20:10,035 --> 00:20:12,325
Blake, I know you're in there!
188
00:20:29,285 --> 00:20:31,784
The Candy Man can.
189
00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:42,117
Everybody loves somebody, sometime...
190
00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:48,867
When I make a dry martini,
I make a dry martini.
191
00:20:54,951 --> 00:20:58,367
There's somebody at the window.
- That's just the window cleaner.
192
00:21:00,785 --> 00:21:04,409
Honey, who is it? - I don't know.
There's nobody there.
193
00:21:04,826 --> 00:21:06,034
Blake!
194
00:21:07,410 --> 00:21:12,159
Open up the window! - I'll be back
in a minute. Don't go away.
195
00:21:13,451 --> 00:21:15,784
I'm gonna kill him.
196
00:21:17,535 --> 00:21:20,867
There's nothing out here.
- Blake! Down here!
197
00:21:24,035 --> 00:21:27,034
I don't care what it is.
Not now!
198
00:21:27,076 --> 00:21:29,284
But I gotta talk to you now.
199
00:21:29,535 --> 00:21:31,575
You gotta? - Yes.
200
00:21:38,451 --> 00:21:42,075
Do you know that I'm eighteen
stories above the ground? Eighteen!
201
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,284
Eighteen? - Yes, eighteen!
202
00:21:48,285 --> 00:21:50,075
Eighteen?
203
00:21:57,618 --> 00:22:00,284
You know you're the tallest
short guy I've ever seen?
204
00:22:02,035 --> 00:22:05,700
Read this, will you? Just read that.
That's from the Sheik.
205
00:22:06,035 --> 00:22:09,034
They're gonna start the Cannonball again.
And the sheik's putting up
206
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:14,200
$1 million to the winner. And you know
who the winner will be? $1 million!
207
00:22:14,868 --> 00:22:18,075
Take it easy now.
No, don't come out.
208
00:22:18,285 --> 00:22:20,700
I'll come in. - Blake?
209
00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:26,784
Where are you going?
- I gotta do it. It's a million dollars.
210
00:22:27,201 --> 00:22:29,325
You creep!
211
00:22:31,201 --> 00:22:36,034
Where did you get the scaffold?
- Huh? I thought this was the elevator.
212
00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:52,867
I see you got my telegram, Doctor.
213
00:22:53,951 --> 00:22:56,825
Was that that yellow thing
with the printing on it?
214
00:22:56,910 --> 00:23:00,784
Yes. - I got that, yes.
I read that. It's uhm...
215
00:23:01,035 --> 00:23:03,700
It was... What does it say?
216
00:23:04,868 --> 00:23:07,617
It said I wish to employ your services
217
00:23:07,785 --> 00:23:11,200
to take care of my royal ulcer
during the Cannonball Run.
218
00:23:12,326 --> 00:23:14,909
Do you know much about ulcers?
219
00:23:14,910 --> 00:23:18,534
Proctology's my specialty.
220
00:23:18,868 --> 00:23:21,200
I'm very probably...
221
00:23:21,576 --> 00:23:25,117
...the world's most famous
expert on ulcers.
222
00:23:26,576 --> 00:23:30,950
I should probably give you an
examination right now. Open up there.
223
00:23:35,618 --> 00:23:39,284
I sterilized it.
Before we go any further...
224
00:23:40,701 --> 00:23:44,825
There's the matter of my fee.
We should discuss my fee...
225
00:23:47,035 --> 00:23:51,034
It's... just about that amount.
226
00:23:54,618 --> 00:23:57,575
Hey, wait a minute.
You gonna drink milk? - Yeah.
227
00:23:57,701 --> 00:24:00,534
Aren't you afraid it's gonna curdle
when it hits your liver?
228
00:24:00,618 --> 00:24:03,284
My liver died last year.
229
00:24:04,660 --> 00:24:09,534
Can I help you? -?
- Anybody around here speak OrientaI?
230
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:15,867
Sure. One sake coming up.
231
00:24:21,035 --> 00:24:24,784
What he said was:
"Blackjack and water"
232
00:24:25,785 --> 00:24:27,534
Now!
233
00:24:29,326 --> 00:24:32,117
You got it?
- Yes Sir. Coming right up.
234
00:24:34,035 --> 00:24:38,284
We'll get a nice big bottle of champagne,
and then we'll go up to my place.
235
00:24:38,451 --> 00:24:40,867
Father, what are you saying?
236
00:24:41,951 --> 00:24:44,617
Didn't you ever see THORNBIRDS?
237
00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:50,367
Hey paI, I'll never get laid
in this outfit.
238
00:24:50,535 --> 00:24:54,034
From now on, I'm gonna wear
nothing but open collars.
239
00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:58,784
No man can live by bread alone.
- I can. I love bread.
240
00:24:58,826 --> 00:25:02,409
You know, my favorite is a
Parker House roll. It just is so nice.
241
00:25:02,535 --> 00:25:05,950
And then the Russian rye. You know,
there's so many raisins in it that...
242
00:25:06,451 --> 00:25:09,534
I'm not talking about that.
- O... Okay.
243
00:25:09,826 --> 00:25:12,700
I'm talking about women.
- Women? - Women.
244
00:25:12,910 --> 00:25:17,450
I want a girl that's sensitive and
vulnerable. I really... I need a girl.
245
00:25:17,910 --> 00:25:20,950
Yeah! Me too. - You?
246
00:25:21,076 --> 00:25:25,867
Sure. Hey J.J., I'm not a eunuch, you
know? - Of course you're not a eunuch.
247
00:25:25,951 --> 00:25:28,409
Don't put yourself down like that.
248
00:25:28,535 --> 00:25:31,534
You have a striking resemblance
to a eunuch, but you...
249
00:25:32,535 --> 00:25:36,034
I'm just kidding. You want a girl?
You can have one of my girls.
250
00:25:36,118 --> 00:25:39,450
I couldn't take one of your girls.
- Oh, you can. - Well, maybe just one.
251
00:25:39,618 --> 00:25:41,409
To clear up my complexion.
252
00:25:44,076 --> 00:25:47,284
So tomorrow... - Tomorrow.
- ... we turn over a new leaf. - A new leaf.
253
00:25:47,576 --> 00:25:50,450
Up and clean! - Up and clean.
254
00:25:53,535 --> 00:25:56,034
And tonight... down and dirty.
255
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,575
Hi J.J.! - Hi! Are you guys
doing anything tonight?
256
00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:05,450
Not now. - Let's go somewhere
and talk about customs and camshafts.
257
00:26:05,535 --> 00:26:07,784
Coming, J.J.!
258
00:26:23,660 --> 00:26:27,450
Do we still owe Don Don $30,000?
259
00:26:28,118 --> 00:26:30,325
Did you pay him? - No.
260
00:26:30,660 --> 00:26:33,075
Well, then we still owe him $30,000!
261
00:26:34,618 --> 00:26:37,659
Well, one of his collection men
came to collect it.
262
00:26:37,868 --> 00:26:41,867
Wh... wh... where?
- He's at the front door, but don't look.
263
00:26:43,868 --> 00:26:46,534
I said don't look!
264
00:26:46,785 --> 00:26:50,159
If he's at the front door,
we'll go out the back door,
265
00:26:50,285 --> 00:26:53,284
since he can't be at two places
at one time, right?
266
00:26:53,535 --> 00:26:56,450
That's a good suggestion. - Split city.
267
00:26:59,285 --> 00:27:02,325
We're gonna die. - Aye.
268
00:27:06,201 --> 00:27:10,117
What are they gonna do to us?
- Don't know what they're gonna do to you,
269
00:27:10,285 --> 00:27:14,784
but since Mr. T. ain't here, I'm gonna be
too busy lickin' their boots to see!
270
00:27:22,451 --> 00:27:25,034
The money, or I'll blow you away!
271
00:27:25,201 --> 00:27:27,409
I'll take the money.
272
00:27:29,368 --> 00:27:34,534
Listen guys, why would a couple of
operators like us be in Redondo Beach
273
00:27:34,660 --> 00:27:38,367
with a bunch of hayseeds in jumpsuits?
- Okay, wise guys.
274
00:27:38,535 --> 00:27:42,325
You tell us! - We're gonna race to
Connecticut and the one that wins
275
00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:46,700
gets $1 million in cash! - Only a moron
would back up a race like that.
276
00:27:47,785 --> 00:27:49,867
Ahh, Fenderboom, Blake!
277
00:27:50,410 --> 00:27:54,034
Good to see you!
You should be sleeping at this hour.
278
00:27:54,118 --> 00:27:56,534
Remember, we leave at noon tomorrow.
279
00:28:00,326 --> 00:28:03,825
Wingtips...? Barbarians.
280
00:28:06,535 --> 00:28:10,284
Come, come! Buy yourselves
a decent clothing store.
281
00:28:10,535 --> 00:28:13,534
Infidels! - That's the moron.
282
00:28:14,410 --> 00:28:18,117
You know, these liars
could be telling the truth.
283
00:28:37,951 --> 00:28:40,784
Hymie Kaplan, what a surprise!
284
00:28:41,410 --> 00:28:43,950
Oh wow! You look wonderful!
285
00:28:45,035 --> 00:28:49,284
What brings you to the Pinto Ranch?
Is it business or pleasure?
286
00:28:53,285 --> 00:28:55,534
May I have a chair? - Oh, certainly.
287
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,284
Oh, it's business.
288
00:29:03,660 --> 00:29:05,784
I just spoke to Dad, isn't that funny?
289
00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:09,575
Don. You don't mind if I
call you Don Don, do you? - No, no.
290
00:29:09,660 --> 00:29:14,325
Oh good, Don Don. When your father was
having a little trouble with you in Brooklyn,
291
00:29:14,451 --> 00:29:18,534
he called me and asked me for a favor.
Could he send you out here to Vegas
292
00:29:18,868 --> 00:29:22,075
so that I could watch over yours.
So what do I do?
293
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,784
I give you a job working at the casino.
And what did you do?
294
00:29:24,910 --> 00:29:28,825
You spend all your time working
on the chorus lines! - One line!
295
00:29:28,951 --> 00:29:31,617
I slept with one lousy chorus line!
- Shut up!
296
00:29:33,285 --> 00:29:36,075
The second favor I do for yours:
you come to me
297
00:29:36,368 --> 00:29:39,659
and I lend you the money
to start this... - Hymie,
298
00:29:39,785 --> 00:29:43,034
the recession has hurt every
small businessman. - Oh yeah.
299
00:29:44,660 --> 00:29:47,325
What does he owe? - As of 9:30,
300
00:29:47,535 --> 00:29:51,617
the compounded 24% interest
weekly brings it to exactly
301
00:29:51,910 --> 00:29:57,117
9 million, 332 thousand,
448 dollars and 55 cents.
302
00:29:57,368 --> 00:29:59,284
Hymie, I'm doing the best I can!
303
00:29:59,576 --> 00:30:02,117
What?! I'll kill you.
304
00:30:05,201 --> 00:30:09,325
That's what's so tragic.
I'm gonna do you another big favor.
305
00:30:10,035 --> 00:30:13,284
I'Il give you exactly until
tomorrow to pay everything off.
306
00:30:13,368 --> 00:30:15,367
Well, it's no problem 'cause...
- Shut up.
307
00:30:17,035 --> 00:30:19,700
Exactly 24 hours, Don Don.
308
00:30:19,826 --> 00:30:21,950
I mean, Dumb Dumb.
309
00:30:22,951 --> 00:30:25,450
I think I call you
Dumb Dumb from now on.
310
00:30:26,201 --> 00:30:29,159
What do you think about that, chaps?
311
00:30:31,076 --> 00:30:33,700
It's very funny, boss!
- It ain't funny!
312
00:30:33,826 --> 00:30:36,159
Now, I'll tell you
when somethin' is funny!
313
00:30:37,826 --> 00:30:40,075
Ma๏ฟฝana, Dumb Dumb.
314
00:30:40,951 --> 00:30:42,784
Hymie, one question.
315
00:30:44,035 --> 00:30:46,367
Oh my God!
316
00:30:49,326 --> 00:30:51,409
What was the question?
317
00:30:51,785 --> 00:30:54,117
It'll keep, Hymie.
318
00:30:59,785 --> 00:31:03,367
Are you sure this guy's your uncle?
- Yeah, and I told you he's your uncle too.
319
00:31:03,451 --> 00:31:06,325
Listen, I told you, don't tell me,
don't explain it to me again, please.
320
00:31:07,035 --> 00:31:10,284
He's my mother's brother,
who moved to California, and my mother
321
00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:13,159
is your father's sister,
and you're my mother's brother's son.
322
00:31:18,910 --> 00:31:22,784
Is that our uncle?
- As... as they said, he had... er...
323
00:31:22,868 --> 00:31:25,950
...er... a white limo.
I ain't seen him in 20 years.
324
00:31:26,410 --> 00:31:28,867
He's from your side of the family.
325
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,409
Uncle Cal?
326
00:31:34,868 --> 00:31:39,075
Howdy, boys!
CaI's the name and cars is my game.
327
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:43,325
Got some real sweetheart
for little down and 9.9% financing.
328
00:31:44,076 --> 00:31:48,867
Uncle CaI, I'm... I'm your nephew...
er... Melvin from North Carolina.
329
00:31:49,285 --> 00:31:53,534
You're my brother and sister's boy?
- And I'm your nephew Tony from Brooklyn.
330
00:31:53,868 --> 00:31:56,284
What pair are you out of?
331
00:31:56,535 --> 00:32:00,075
Well, it don't matter. Guess you boys
are wandering about my driver?
332
00:32:02,368 --> 00:32:05,034
He sure looks a little...
er... little... er... little...
333
00:32:05,451 --> 00:32:07,284
He... he's weird.
334
00:32:07,326 --> 00:32:10,075
Yeah, I mean, is it easy
to get a license in this town?
335
00:32:10,201 --> 00:32:13,284
Oh, he ain't got no license! Come here.
336
00:32:14,035 --> 00:32:18,784
I do all the driving from here. He just
sits there and looks like he's driving.
337
00:32:18,868 --> 00:32:21,659
It's a publicity gimmick.
I got a slogan:
338
00:32:21,785 --> 00:32:25,034
"If a monkey can drive, so can you!"
339
00:32:29,118 --> 00:32:32,825
I love this boy.
He's part of our family.
340
00:32:33,826 --> 00:32:36,825
Come on, son. Ain't he cute?
341
00:32:37,951 --> 00:32:41,700
Hey look. Hey, Uncle Cal.
We got a real real problem.
342
00:32:41,785 --> 00:32:45,700
Hey Uncle Cal, we ain't got any
money right now. We're flat broke.
343
00:32:45,785 --> 00:32:48,117
Yeah, but we need a car right away.
344
00:32:49,535 --> 00:32:53,617
What are you boys doin' out here?
- Uncle Cal, we... er... we're Ca...
345
00:32:53,951 --> 00:32:56,575
We're... we're Cannon...
- We are Cannonballers.
346
00:32:57,368 --> 00:33:00,534
Stop it, boy! I told you
not to play with the phones.
347
00:33:02,826 --> 00:33:06,034
Damn chimp costs me
$300 a month in wrong numbers.
348
00:33:07,285 --> 00:33:11,700
Hey, stop it, you primate!
That's it! I've had it with you!
349
00:33:12,035 --> 00:33:15,534
Excuse me, fellas. I've gotta
teach this old boy some manners.
350
00:33:16,535 --> 00:33:17,784
Son!
351
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:21,784
Now you've stepped in it!
352
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,284
Boys, I got one condition on the deal.
353
00:33:29,451 --> 00:33:34,534
I'm gonna give you the limo, but only if you
take this hairy son-of-a-bitch with you!
354
00:33:39,660 --> 00:33:43,034
If he's a choreographer,
I'm an aviator. - Really?
355
00:33:43,535 --> 00:33:48,325
Same old slop. Let's go
to the coffee shop. - Alright.
356
00:33:48,576 --> 00:33:51,075
See you at the matinee? - Yeah.
357
00:33:52,076 --> 00:33:55,325
If I have to sing "Sound of music"
one more time, I'm gonna croak!
358
00:33:55,410 --> 00:33:59,284
I'm so sick of the Crap family,
I'm gonna scream!
359
00:34:02,868 --> 00:34:06,117
Oh, it's so crowded.
- Why do we eat here at all?
360
00:34:06,951 --> 00:34:10,075
Here Sisters, take this table.
We're finished. - Oh, thank you.
361
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:14,325
Very generous and very sweet
of you. Bless you. Awfully nice of you.
362
00:34:19,576 --> 00:34:22,825
I tell you, I'm sick of coffee shops,
I'm sick of the show.
363
00:34:23,118 --> 00:34:25,617
I'm sick of show business.
- Betty, look at it this way:
364
00:34:25,701 --> 00:34:29,367
It's a stepping stone to Broadway.
- I'm getting out while I'm at the bottom.
365
00:34:29,451 --> 00:34:32,617
Finito, Veronica. I wanna get
married, I wanna have a big house.
366
00:34:32,785 --> 00:34:35,700
I just wanna find some nice,
sweet, bozo millionaire.
367
00:34:35,951 --> 00:34:38,367
You know what I'm gonna do with my
half of the million? - Tell me. - Alright.
368
00:34:38,785 --> 00:34:41,534
I'm gonna buy my mom a great,
big, brand new house.
369
00:34:41,868 --> 00:34:46,200
And I'm gonna buy my nephew a pony.
And I will get the kid a shovel,
370
00:34:46,326 --> 00:34:50,534
because ponies... - I tell you somethin'
- J.J., what are you gonna do with yours?
371
00:34:50,576 --> 00:34:53,325
My money's gonna be gone,
before I even get to the car. - Really?
372
00:34:55,118 --> 00:34:58,950
Come on, let's go introduce ourselves.
- Are you crazy?
373
00:34:59,451 --> 00:35:02,200
Oh my God!
- For Jesus Christ!
374
00:35:06,951 --> 00:35:11,909
Excuse us gentlemen, but we have
just spilled coffee all over the table.
375
00:35:12,035 --> 00:35:14,659
Would you mind, if we
sat with you? - Sit with us?
376
00:35:14,785 --> 00:35:18,534
You wanna join us? - Oh no, don't
get up. - Sure. - Boy-nun, boy-nun.
377
00:35:19,451 --> 00:35:22,200
Boy-nun, boy-nun? - Thank you, Sir.
378
00:35:22,410 --> 00:35:25,284
J.J., they're gonna join us.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
379
00:35:25,368 --> 00:35:27,784
I'm Sister Veronica.
- And I'm Sister Betty.
380
00:35:27,951 --> 00:35:31,784
How do you do? - I'm J.J. McCIure
and this is Victor Prinze.
381
00:35:32,118 --> 00:35:35,075
We're partners.
- Are you boys married?
382
00:35:35,535 --> 00:35:37,784
No, just partners.
383
00:35:40,035 --> 00:35:43,409
Partners? Well, sweet.
- Sister Betty?
384
00:35:43,535 --> 00:35:46,284
That's correct. But we're not partners,
we're Sisters. Not real sisters.
385
00:35:46,410 --> 00:35:51,825
We're just in the same order together.
- So what do you gentlemen do for a living?
386
00:35:52,326 --> 00:35:54,700
We race across the country.
For money.
387
00:35:54,785 --> 00:35:58,034
Oh, and we're gonna have
a race today to the East Coast.
388
00:35:58,201 --> 00:36:00,575
Are you racing to Broadway?
389
00:36:02,868 --> 00:36:05,200
Connecticut. What order
did you say you're from?
390
00:36:05,368 --> 00:36:07,825
Oh, actually it's just a...
a bunch of girls.
391
00:36:07,951 --> 00:36:11,159
Bunch of girls? - We're affiliated
together in the Order of...
392
00:36:11,410 --> 00:36:15,034
Immaculate... - ... Chastity.
The Order of Immaculate Chastity.
393
00:36:15,410 --> 00:36:19,867
The Order of Immaculate Chastity.
I read the Bible all the time.
394
00:36:20,035 --> 00:36:23,284
In fact, I read the Bible that was
printed on the head of a pin.
395
00:36:23,535 --> 00:36:26,075
That was hard.
But I never heard of the...
396
00:36:26,368 --> 00:36:29,659
Well, you have to read the New Testament.
That... It's not even in the New Testament.
397
00:36:29,785 --> 00:36:32,450
It's the New...
- New Wave. - Aha!
398
00:36:32,701 --> 00:36:35,784
New... New Test... very progressive
Testament. - We'll try to catch it.
399
00:36:36,785 --> 00:36:39,075
We have holy work to do. Let's go.
400
00:36:39,410 --> 00:36:41,784
Okay. Well, maybe some other time.
401
00:36:42,535 --> 00:36:47,034
At what time did you say your race is?
- Noon. - At the Portofino Inn, Sister.
402
00:36:47,826 --> 00:36:50,825
Goodbye, Sister Veronica.
- Come, Sister Betty.
403
00:36:51,035 --> 00:36:53,659
Nice meetin' you, Sister.
- Thank you. - Bye bye.
404
00:36:53,785 --> 00:36:56,575
Come on, hurry Sister Betty,
we have lots of lepers waiting.
405
00:36:58,535 --> 00:37:01,325
Don Don? - What is this now?
- Everything is fine.
406
00:37:01,535 --> 00:37:05,034
What we did is,
we put our heads together
407
00:37:05,326 --> 00:37:09,159
and we're gonna rip off the Arab
on the road during the car race.
408
00:37:09,576 --> 00:37:13,950
You put your heads together, huh?
It must have sounded like a bowling alley!
409
00:37:14,368 --> 00:37:18,159
Yes, Don Don. - We need millions
of dollars by... what time is it now?
410
00:37:18,285 --> 00:37:20,367
Oh my God! By tomorrow!
411
00:37:20,868 --> 00:37:24,117
If we can get the sheik,
we got the money.
412
00:37:24,410 --> 00:37:27,950
He wants us to rip off the Arab
and then kidnap him.
413
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:32,284
What for? - What for?!
Ransom, you idiots! Ransom.
414
00:37:32,326 --> 00:37:34,450
R- A-N-S-U-M!
Ransom!
415
00:37:34,701 --> 00:37:37,617
Understand, you imbeciles?
- You got it. Please calm yourself.
416
00:37:37,785 --> 00:37:39,784
Tell this to Hymie!
- Okay, have a nice day.
417
00:38:25,910 --> 00:38:30,867
J.J., is that legal? Both of them?
At the same time?
418
00:38:34,201 --> 00:38:37,950
J.J., you're bad.
Hi Jill, Hi Marcie!
419
00:38:38,368 --> 00:38:40,534
Cute car!
420
00:38:41,368 --> 00:38:44,909
Imagine the stories J.J.'s
making up about last night.
421
00:38:45,035 --> 00:38:49,450
He's driving poor Victor crazy. - Yeah.
Poor Victor's buying every word of it.
422
00:38:49,826 --> 00:38:52,617
Well, what he doesn't know
ain't gonna hurt us. - Never has.
423
00:38:53,076 --> 00:38:55,825
Let's check out our competition.
- Alright.
424
00:38:57,785 --> 00:39:00,700
Well, you look great. You really do.
You look real sexy!
425
00:39:00,868 --> 00:39:02,325
Sexy?
426
00:39:04,410 --> 00:39:09,075
You look... - And I look like a turd. - No,
you don't. - J.J., what am I supposed to be?
427
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,575
You're a career army man.
428
00:39:13,201 --> 00:39:15,534
Forty years in the army,
the backbone of the army!
429
00:39:15,660 --> 00:39:17,617
Alright! - Alright. - Man.
430
00:39:18,285 --> 00:39:22,034
Wish I had a medal. - You want a medal?
- Well, I'd like to have a medal.
431
00:39:22,785 --> 00:39:25,825
Take one. - Oh, no. - Take one,
you're my friend. - I couldn't take
432
00:39:25,910 --> 00:39:29,159
one of your medals. I couldn't do it.
- Take anyone you like. I love you.
433
00:39:29,285 --> 00:39:30,909
Okay.
434
00:39:31,201 --> 00:39:33,700
This is a nice one right here.
- That one. - Thanks.
435
00:39:33,826 --> 00:39:35,950
Oh, this is really swell.
436
00:39:36,785 --> 00:39:39,784
The Congressional Medal of Honor.
Thank you very much!
437
00:39:40,410 --> 00:39:42,534
That's really nice.
438
00:39:42,826 --> 00:39:48,034
Oh boy... Oh, and it's so shiny.
I'm real glad. I love it.
439
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,659
Oh, look, J.J. - Ah.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
440
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:55,575
General? Are you a General?
GeneraI J.J. McClure.
441
00:39:55,826 --> 00:39:58,825
Oh, you're a private.
- National Guard. - Listen...
442
00:39:58,951 --> 00:40:01,909
The Lord asks a favor
and we ask a favor of you.
443
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:06,325
We have an emergency in New York
and it's very important that we get there.
444
00:40:06,701 --> 00:40:10,325
And we've lost our means of transportation.
- And our vows of poverty
445
00:40:10,410 --> 00:40:14,450
prevent us from traveling commercially.
Could we go along with you?
446
00:40:14,868 --> 00:40:17,575
We only have 48 hours to get there,
you see. Otherwise...
447
00:40:18,285 --> 00:40:20,825
...the lepers might cause a panic.
448
00:40:21,285 --> 00:40:25,325
The lepers? - Yes.
We treated lepers on Molokai,
449
00:40:25,451 --> 00:40:28,575
and now several hundred of them
have made their way East to the Big Apple.
450
00:40:28,701 --> 00:40:31,034
We'd like to continue
treating them. - Oh...
451
00:40:31,285 --> 00:40:33,700
Oh, sure Sister, this is
gonna be swell. - Excuse me.
452
00:40:34,035 --> 00:40:37,159
Excuse me. Just one minute.
- What? - Come here.
453
00:40:37,951 --> 00:40:40,534
What? - How could you tell 'em
"The Big Apple"?!
454
00:40:41,118 --> 00:40:44,867
The lepers? Big Apple?
- WelI, The Big Apple is New York, J.J.
455
00:40:45,035 --> 00:40:47,575
I know that. - And I didn't
even know they had lepers there.
456
00:40:47,701 --> 00:40:50,575
Listen to me. We can't take
nuns along. - Oh please. - No!
457
00:40:50,660 --> 00:40:53,450
What, if we're driving along
and I see a pretty girl hitchhiking?
458
00:40:53,576 --> 00:40:56,617
She wants to get in the car,
a little action? And we got nuns along?
459
00:40:56,701 --> 00:40:59,909
I'm good, but I'm not that good.
- Listen, if we take these nuns
460
00:41:00,035 --> 00:41:02,284
I bet that God will be our co-pilot.
461
00:41:02,535 --> 00:41:03,700
Well...
462
00:41:08,410 --> 00:41:09,950
Why not? - Oh, J.J.
463
00:41:10,826 --> 00:41:14,284
You can come along.
- Oh, bless you, my son.
464
00:41:14,410 --> 00:41:17,659
Oh, J.J. You'll get your reward in heaven.
- I don't wanna wait that long.
465
00:41:19,035 --> 00:41:22,534
Snappy bags, huh?
- It's purple for Lent. - Ah. Good.
466
00:41:23,326 --> 00:41:27,409
I should tell you something. When we're
gonna be in the car, it'll be kind of cramped.
467
00:41:28,035 --> 00:41:31,075
It'll be alright? - Of course.
- It'll be alright.
468
00:41:32,035 --> 00:41:36,284
My Milly took a vow of chastity.
She had headaches alI the time.
469
00:41:38,535 --> 00:41:40,700
Well, well, well...
470
00:41:40,910 --> 00:41:45,534
Look who we have here.
General Patton... and General Admission.
471
00:41:48,201 --> 00:41:52,325
Heckle and Jeckle dressed as cops.
Gotta arrest their minds for vagrancy.
472
00:41:52,785 --> 00:41:56,409
Any problems, officers?
- Are you kidding, Ladies?
473
00:41:56,535 --> 00:42:00,575
I might as well tell you something.
We tried it at the last race, dressed like priests.
474
00:42:00,701 --> 00:42:03,784
We didn't win. It didn't help us
and it ain't gonna help you.
475
00:42:05,451 --> 00:42:08,909
Now, as a law enforcement officer
I exercise my rights
476
00:42:09,035 --> 00:42:13,200
to take these two young ladies
and submit them to a very nice long
477
00:42:13,410 --> 00:42:16,784
and thorough body search.
- Shame on you! - Listen.
478
00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:21,784
These are reaI nuns. This is not a
Halloween party. Have a little respect.
479
00:42:23,326 --> 00:42:25,825
I'm up to here with you.
480
00:42:43,368 --> 00:42:44,450
You're sick.
481
00:42:45,035 --> 00:42:48,450
Gather around, look this way.
Fenderboom, Blake, J.J., Victor...
482
00:42:49,618 --> 00:42:52,617
Fellow Cannonballers,
give me your attention.
483
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,617
Allah came to me one night and said:
484
00:42:55,701 --> 00:42:58,325
"Falafel, be a sport!"
485
00:42:58,660 --> 00:43:01,534
"Spread the wealth
before Khomeini gets it all. "
486
00:43:03,076 --> 00:43:06,784
Please, please...
The important thing to know is
487
00:43:07,368 --> 00:43:14,284
that I personally am donating
the purse of $1 million to the winner!
488
00:43:23,285 --> 00:43:28,409
Remember the golden rule:
He who has the gold makes the rules.
489
00:43:28,701 --> 00:43:30,825
I go first.
490
00:43:32,826 --> 00:43:36,450
General, will this trip be dangerous?
- Oh, I don't think dangerous, Sister.
491
00:43:36,576 --> 00:43:39,075
Maybe exciting, but...
492
00:43:41,660 --> 00:43:44,867
Hello everyone...
Good to see you again.
493
00:43:45,451 --> 00:43:49,867
J.J., I shall endeavor to get you the win.
Throw the little nuns in the car...
494
00:43:49,951 --> 00:43:52,825
...and let's be off! - Does your
friend have an identity problem?
495
00:43:53,535 --> 00:43:55,909
No problem and no time, Sister.
496
00:43:57,326 --> 00:44:00,534
General, you should be in the back.
Sister Betty, up front with me.
497
00:44:00,785 --> 00:44:02,450
Boy-nun, boy-nun.
498
00:44:04,451 --> 00:44:07,367
Isn't he adorable? - I heard that.
499
00:44:10,285 --> 00:44:12,034
The jury's still out on that.
500
00:44:12,451 --> 00:44:17,200
Here is to good luck.
May it all be mine!
501
00:45:59,035 --> 00:46:01,700
I don't understand this, Tony.
502
00:46:02,076 --> 00:46:06,284
For the last time:
I hit the back of the Arab's car,
503
00:46:06,826 --> 00:46:10,284
push a button, presto.
These things clamp onto the bumper.
504
00:46:10,868 --> 00:46:14,700
Then I step on the brakes.
We stop, get out of the car,
505
00:46:14,826 --> 00:46:18,825
and snatch him...
Now do you understand?
506
00:46:21,410 --> 00:46:22,825
Yeah...
507
00:46:42,868 --> 00:46:46,784
Attention: Smokey in pursuit.
- O-oh, trouble.
508
00:46:50,035 --> 00:46:53,784
Well, do something high-tech.
- Smokey... gaining.
509
00:46:56,535 --> 00:46:58,325
Afterburner... ready.
510
00:47:09,326 --> 00:47:12,159
Boy, that's what I call a high-tech!
511
00:47:19,035 --> 00:47:23,950
Here they come.
- Still seems complicated, Tony.
512
00:47:24,326 --> 00:47:28,700
It's a piece of cake. I just
speed up and I get to his back bumper.
513
00:47:29,076 --> 00:47:31,034
Here we go. Get ready. Easing up.
514
00:47:31,410 --> 00:47:33,867
Now don't blow it. Just hit the button.
515
00:47:34,118 --> 00:47:38,159
Easing up. Easing up. Now! Now!
516
00:47:38,951 --> 00:47:43,034
You're not holding the wheel
steady, Tony. - Hey, you wanna drive?
517
00:47:43,785 --> 00:47:45,200
Hit it!
518
00:47:47,368 --> 00:47:51,284
Nothing can separate us now.
Nothing! - Nothing!
519
00:47:59,410 --> 00:48:03,284
Maybe it only works
on American cars, eh Tony?
520
00:48:16,576 --> 00:48:18,617
Oh, how sweet.
521
00:48:35,368 --> 00:48:37,450
Can I help you, ma'am?
522
00:48:42,035 --> 00:48:46,284
Aren't we going above the speed limit?
- Yes, 110, Sister Betty.
523
00:48:49,285 --> 00:48:52,284
Oh, this is exciting!
- Are you blessing my leg?
524
00:48:53,410 --> 00:48:54,617
Yeah.
525
00:48:57,826 --> 00:49:00,117
Keep blessing, Sister!
526
00:49:04,410 --> 00:49:08,075
We just passed this police car.
- That's alright. We pass 'em all the time.
527
00:49:08,535 --> 00:49:13,117
Sarge, are we doin' 80?
- Yeah, we sure are!
528
00:49:13,285 --> 00:49:17,075
Did they just pass us like we were standing
still? - Let me tell you what to do, son.
529
00:49:17,451 --> 00:49:22,325
Buckle up. You're taking part in your
first high-speed pursuit and capture!
530
00:49:24,868 --> 00:49:29,784
It's following us. The police car's
following us. - Probably recognized me.
531
00:49:37,035 --> 00:49:40,075
What? - I mean, it's not my life style.
532
00:49:40,201 --> 00:49:41,659
I don't... - No, you're fine.
533
00:49:44,326 --> 00:49:48,284
You're shaking. I'll hold your hand.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
534
00:49:48,451 --> 00:49:51,659
Oh, they're so warm.
- J.J. is the warmest!
535
00:49:52,035 --> 00:49:56,575
Sister Betty, he has such warm skin!
- He has such warm skin?
536
00:49:57,118 --> 00:49:59,159
You should feel the heater up here.
537
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,617
Noticed how I took that last curve?
High and wide, straight through the apex.
538
00:50:04,701 --> 00:50:07,534
Pick up about 15 mph more coming out.
539
00:50:25,951 --> 00:50:28,367
What are you writin'?
- The accident report.
540
00:50:32,576 --> 00:50:33,534
Damn!
541
00:50:34,285 --> 00:50:37,950
Tony, are you sure about this?
- Stop complaining!
542
00:50:38,076 --> 00:50:42,367
Statistics proof flying is safer
than driving. - Is that right?
543
00:50:46,326 --> 00:50:51,575
Sideward and rearward
maneuvering is accomplished by...
544
00:50:52,826 --> 00:50:56,284
Oh, am I mad at you!
You told me you could fly this thing.
545
00:50:56,410 --> 00:50:59,534
We almost got killed
three times already!
546
00:51:02,451 --> 00:51:06,325
Will you shut up an read the instructions?!
Or we'll be killed for the last time!
547
00:51:06,451 --> 00:51:09,575
You're getting me crazy.
This thing can not fly by itself!
548
00:51:27,201 --> 00:51:30,784
We're leveling out!
- Alright, so we didn't crash.
549
00:51:30,868 --> 00:51:34,450
Now, explain to me about the
magnet on the helicopter. - Why?
550
00:51:34,576 --> 00:51:39,034
This scheme is too complicated for me.
- The alphabet is too complicated for you!
551
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:43,867
It's simple: this magnet is powerful enough
to pick a Brinks truck right off the street.
552
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,450
Oh, a Brinks truck, huh?
553
00:51:53,618 --> 00:51:57,867
Here's your sandwich, Your Highness.
- You'd better not, Your Royalship.
554
00:51:58,035 --> 00:52:01,450
That salami will kick the shit
out of your ulcer!
555
00:52:05,285 --> 00:52:09,325
Wait, wait. There's the Rolls!
- Ha! Good.
556
00:52:13,451 --> 00:52:17,534
This flyin' is a piece of cake!
- Now that we found 'em, what do we do?
557
00:52:18,035 --> 00:52:22,034
Are you kidding? I just sneak up behind 'em.
They probably won't even know I'm there.
558
00:52:22,118 --> 00:52:25,034
Then, at the right second:
Zappo! We snatch 'em.
559
00:52:25,118 --> 00:52:27,534
Oh! Smart!
560
00:52:27,701 --> 00:52:32,325
Why did I ever doubt you Tony?
I'm too dumb to question smart people.
561
00:52:32,701 --> 00:52:34,825
This is true.
562
00:52:35,285 --> 00:52:38,409
Tony, don't you think you're too low?
- That's a negative.
563
00:52:39,326 --> 00:52:42,659
It looks a little low, Tony.
- I can see it through the window, okay?
564
00:52:45,785 --> 00:52:48,325
A little bit to the left.
565
00:52:49,076 --> 00:52:52,534
A little more to the left.
- How did you get here? The Tooth Fairy?
566
00:52:52,660 --> 00:52:56,200
I flew you here, shmuck!
- Now, down a little.
567
00:52:56,535 --> 00:52:59,534
Hit the button on the magnet!
568
00:52:59,826 --> 00:53:03,034
I love being a gangster!
569
00:53:05,785 --> 00:53:10,534
We're on like glue. Nothing, nothing
could separate us now. Nothing!
570
00:53:12,785 --> 00:53:15,284
Up, up and away!
- Up, up and away.
571
00:53:17,035 --> 00:53:19,159
Listen!
572
00:53:19,285 --> 00:53:22,700
Up, up and awaaay...
573
00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:29,284
I don't know why it ain't workin'.
- Could be the fan belt.
574
00:53:30,868 --> 00:53:34,409
Maybe it don't work
on nothin' but Brinks trucks.
575
00:53:34,701 --> 00:53:40,284
Don't worry about it.
I'll have it alI figured out in a second.
576
00:53:41,035 --> 00:53:43,200
Tony, is your seat belt on?
577
00:54:09,701 --> 00:54:14,450
Hep. Eatin' time!
You feed him, and... I'll drive.
578
00:54:14,576 --> 00:54:17,409
No, no, no. It's your turn.
You feed him. Come on!
579
00:54:20,618 --> 00:54:22,325
Here you go. Oh...
580
00:54:23,910 --> 00:54:29,450
Son-of-a-bitch! That son-of-a-bitch
is crazy! He's got a mental case...
581
00:54:44,076 --> 00:54:48,034
Corporal. - Yes, Sir.
- You're driving well. - Thank you, Sir.
582
00:54:49,826 --> 00:54:53,659
Sister Betty? You know, I was raised
a Catholic and I'm really interested.
583
00:54:53,785 --> 00:54:57,284
Could you tell us more about
the Order of the Immaculate Charity?
584
00:54:57,660 --> 00:55:00,075
Chastity. - Chastity!
585
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,534
He always get those words mixed up.
586
00:55:03,660 --> 00:55:06,825
Well... I think it's time for us
to get some sleep.
587
00:55:07,076 --> 00:55:11,284
Oh sure. Good. - So if you just excuse us,
we'd like to have a little privacy. - Sure.
588
00:55:11,701 --> 00:55:15,575
Go ahead, there's... Just put that...
- Good night. - Good night.
589
00:55:22,201 --> 00:55:26,034
Hey, am I crazy? Or are those
the friendliest nuns you've ever seen?
590
00:55:26,285 --> 00:55:29,075
Isn't Sister Betty cute? - Ahh. I'd...
591
00:55:30,368 --> 00:55:32,784
I'd like to jump her bones.
592
00:55:33,076 --> 00:55:37,034
J.J., bite your tongue! - Can't help it.
I'm sorry. - Aren't you ashamed?
593
00:55:37,076 --> 00:55:40,534
I would! - Oh my goodness!
Why would you say such a...
594
00:55:45,660 --> 00:55:47,659
That's sacrilegious!
- These are human beings.
595
00:55:47,785 --> 00:55:51,034
And I'd be very interested
to know how you make out. - Huh?
596
00:55:51,660 --> 00:55:54,159
'Cause I been thinking about
getting into Sister Betty's pants.
597
00:56:00,951 --> 00:56:03,117
Oh God, forgive me...
598
00:56:17,660 --> 00:56:20,700
Morning officer! Nice day, isn't it?
599
00:56:20,910 --> 00:56:24,117
Get out of the road, fat boy, before
you get run over. Come on. - Okay.
600
00:56:28,618 --> 00:56:30,950
Good morning! - Goddamn! A General!
601
00:56:32,618 --> 00:56:36,825
Now, what seems to be the problem, officer?
- We have speed limits in this here state.
602
00:56:37,451 --> 00:56:40,367
Even in a nuclear emergency?
- What emergency?
603
00:56:41,118 --> 00:56:44,784
We can't talk about it, officer.
- Let me see your driver's license. - No!
604
00:56:45,118 --> 00:56:47,867
I have radioactive breath.
605
00:56:49,201 --> 00:56:52,659
What are you boys trying to pull?
- There has been a nuclear meltdown.
606
00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:55,784
We're taking some contaminated
material to Connecticut.
607
00:56:55,868 --> 00:56:58,534
Why Connecticut?
608
00:56:59,576 --> 00:57:01,367
They ran out.
609
00:57:02,118 --> 00:57:03,867
Bullshit!
610
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:08,034
Hey, uncle Hinky!
- Homer! My nephew.
611
00:57:08,326 --> 00:57:11,534
We'll wait for you, Homer. - Thanks, Sir.
- How you're doin', Homer?
612
00:57:11,618 --> 00:57:14,284
Goddamn, I didn't know you
was coming home! - Private!
613
00:57:16,618 --> 00:57:18,575
Yes Sir, General!
614
00:57:18,785 --> 00:57:22,325
What are you doing here, son?
- WelI, I had a 3-day pass to come home.
615
00:57:22,410 --> 00:57:25,950
It's the first one I had in two years.
- I'm gonna commandeer you
616
00:57:26,076 --> 00:57:29,284
to drive this car to Connecticut.
Get in the car, son. - Yes, Sir!
617
00:57:29,368 --> 00:57:32,950
Hold it! Ain't nobody goin' no
place till I phoned this here in!
618
00:57:33,201 --> 00:57:37,617
Uncle Hinky, I gotta do what he says. He got
more medals than alI at the base together.
619
00:57:37,785 --> 00:57:40,409
It don't make no difference.
I phone it in anyway.
620
00:57:42,535 --> 00:57:45,367
Good morning, officer. - Sweet Jesus!
621
00:57:45,701 --> 00:57:48,075
General, why are we stopping?
- I'm sorry, Sister.
622
00:57:48,201 --> 00:57:51,034
I was just explaining to the sheriff
the purpose of my mission.
623
00:57:51,660 --> 00:57:55,159
You carry nuns with you?
- In case we don't...
624
00:57:55,285 --> 00:57:57,784
...make it, you know? - Oh, really?
625
00:57:58,326 --> 00:58:01,617
There's a higher purpose involved, officer.
Only the Lord knows what it is.
626
00:58:02,368 --> 00:58:05,784
The safety of our nation depends
on the speed of our mission.
627
00:58:06,618 --> 00:58:08,784
Wow! Praise the Lord!
628
00:58:08,868 --> 00:58:13,409
Well, in that case I'll give you a police
escort alI the way to the county line.
629
00:58:13,535 --> 00:58:15,159
Bless you. - Sheriff...
630
00:58:15,285 --> 00:58:18,159
I just want you to know something:
America needs your help!
631
00:58:18,285 --> 00:58:22,034
There are two communists disguised as
policemen chasing us in a red Corvette.
632
00:58:22,451 --> 00:58:24,909
Commies! - No shit?
633
00:58:25,660 --> 00:58:27,659
No shit.
634
00:58:29,076 --> 00:58:32,617
Now, don't go arguing with me!
I've got it straight from the General!
635
00:58:32,785 --> 00:58:36,784
There are two communists dressed up
as policemen in a red Corvette...
636
00:58:36,868 --> 00:58:39,867
...trying to steal our nuclear shit!
Shoot 'em!
637
00:58:40,035 --> 00:58:43,325
The fate of the country
depends on it, do you hear me?
638
00:58:45,701 --> 00:58:49,034
Headquarters, this is units 2
and 5 eastbound on Highway 10.
639
00:58:49,285 --> 00:58:51,950
We got those commies
in our sights. - Commies?
640
00:58:52,785 --> 00:58:55,950
Now, I been called a lot of things but
I ain't never been called no commie.
641
00:58:56,535 --> 00:59:02,534
I ain't even a Democrat. - You can inform
the GeneraI they're as good as caught.
642
00:59:04,701 --> 00:59:06,617
The General... General!?
643
00:59:08,076 --> 00:59:12,034
J.J! That son-of-a-bitch!
644
00:59:21,910 --> 00:59:25,075
Good, Blake. But not good enough!
645
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:28,950
This is 2 and 5 again.
We're now westbound on Highway 10.
646
00:59:29,035 --> 00:59:32,450
This is the Captain.
I want those two foreigners brought in.
647
00:59:33,076 --> 00:59:35,867
Dead or alive.
- Don't you worry about it.
648
00:59:36,035 --> 00:59:39,200
You know what I'm gonna do? - What?
- I'm gonna turn this car around
649
00:59:39,285 --> 00:59:43,075
and I am gonna block
the whole highway sideways.
650
00:59:43,201 --> 00:59:46,784
And when they come
they have a choice: either to ditch it
651
00:59:47,035 --> 00:59:49,784
or ram right straight into us!
652
00:59:50,451 --> 00:59:54,534
Just ditch it or... ram
straight into us? - Yeah!
653
01:00:11,785 --> 01:00:15,534
Get outta here with these bananas!
I don't want the bananas!
654
01:00:17,201 --> 01:00:20,534
This is humiliating as hell...
er... sittin' up here!
655
01:00:20,660 --> 01:00:26,117
Well, it's no picnic being back here!
Wacked-out monkey!
656
01:00:28,785 --> 01:00:31,075
Stop it! Well, keep your
hands off me, monkey!
657
01:00:40,701 --> 01:00:43,450
What are you doing up here?
- Man, it's safer.
658
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:47,200
Well, who's drivin'? - He is.
659
01:00:59,326 --> 01:01:04,034
Would you boys like to stay for dinner?
I just made noodle soup.
660
01:01:13,118 --> 01:01:16,159
Note, Blake. General Patton's car.
661
01:01:16,535 --> 01:01:18,950
Is the blimp driving?
662
01:01:19,035 --> 01:01:21,867
No. It's the General.
663
01:01:22,201 --> 01:01:24,284
The General, huh? Ha!
664
01:01:24,368 --> 01:01:28,075
Oh, I'm gonna make a private out of him!
665
01:01:35,868 --> 01:01:40,034
It's money in the bank.
A million bucks!
666
01:01:44,910 --> 01:01:48,867
Oh, come on! It'll be
a weekend you'll never forget.
667
01:01:49,285 --> 01:01:51,909
All three of us? - Yep.
668
01:01:52,826 --> 01:01:56,575
It's gonna be a weekend you can tell
your kids about... if they're all boys.
669
01:01:57,118 --> 01:02:01,534
Look, you guys thrashed this gull-wing out.
I didn't even pay for that one yet.
670
01:02:01,660 --> 01:02:05,534
Listen, baby. We're gonna be as gentle
with that car as we're gonna be with you.
671
01:02:05,785 --> 01:02:08,367
Real sound. Come on, what you say?
672
01:02:12,451 --> 01:02:14,284
Okay. - Alright. - Okay.
673
01:02:14,451 --> 01:02:19,034
The keys are in the car, but hurry back.
My friends aren't gonna believe this!
674
01:02:19,451 --> 01:02:21,909
Know what? You just bring them too.
- Really?
675
01:02:22,118 --> 01:02:24,200
Sure. And don't forget your camera.
676
01:02:24,618 --> 01:02:26,450
Really?
677
01:02:31,785 --> 01:02:35,784
You got a full tank of gas in here?
- Please, be carefuI with it. Please!
678
01:02:37,410 --> 01:02:39,284
(I'll be real gentle)
679
01:03:09,826 --> 01:03:12,325
What do you want, Ching-Chong man?
680
01:03:22,035 --> 01:03:25,534
Help? Gee, there's only a dozen of 'em.
By the way, can you split that for me?
681
01:03:28,785 --> 01:03:30,284
Thank you.
682
01:03:49,035 --> 01:03:50,825
I'll be there in a minute!
683
01:04:14,410 --> 01:04:19,284
That was wonderful. You're great. Can you
stay for dinner and meet my parents?
684
01:04:21,535 --> 01:04:24,159
That was so great! What's your name?
685
01:04:25,285 --> 01:04:28,284
Hey, we got a race to finish.
A million bucks!
686
01:04:30,785 --> 01:04:32,575
He can stay for dinner, too!
687
01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:39,075
Dammit! The race is gonna be over,
if they don't get their buns out here soon.
688
01:04:43,285 --> 01:04:46,200
Golly! They changed their clothes.
689
01:04:48,785 --> 01:04:52,117
You think we've gone too far?
- Probably.
690
01:04:54,660 --> 01:04:57,034
Let's go for it.
691
01:04:57,285 --> 01:05:00,825
You know, General? I bet this mission
is so secret you had 'em do this
692
01:05:00,951 --> 01:05:03,367
so Russian spies wouldn't recognize 'em.
693
01:05:11,076 --> 01:05:13,534
We got a six-pack and some
chilli-dogs for the trip.
694
01:05:15,035 --> 01:05:18,284
I got one for you and on for... "him".
695
01:05:30,660 --> 01:05:33,325
You've adapted to
civilian life very well.
696
01:05:37,035 --> 01:05:41,534
Oh my God! Private...
Walk this way.
697
01:05:44,368 --> 01:05:46,325
Nuns, huh?
698
01:05:49,285 --> 01:05:53,034
Get in the car. - Yes, General.
699
01:06:13,451 --> 01:06:17,409
Put that away!
You ain't gonna use it!
700
01:06:23,035 --> 01:06:25,367
To your right, Highness.
To your right.
701
01:06:27,660 --> 01:06:31,325
As soon as this cable rips up the Rolls...
702
01:06:31,910 --> 01:06:34,700
...you grab the money...
- I grab the money?
703
01:06:34,826 --> 01:06:37,409
...and I grab the sheik
or what's left of 'em...
704
01:06:37,701 --> 01:06:39,950
...and we head back to Vegas.
- Vegas?!
705
01:06:42,160 --> 01:06:45,117
Prince Falafel! Buy what?
706
01:06:46,868 --> 01:06:49,117
Nimitz? What's a Nimitz?
707
01:06:50,701 --> 01:06:53,284
The U.S.S. Nimitz, ah!
708
01:06:53,368 --> 01:06:57,034
I want to buy it!
I want to land my 747s on it!
709
01:06:58,035 --> 01:07:01,200
I don't care what it costs. How much?
710
01:07:01,451 --> 01:07:04,950
Feelin' better now, aren't you?
- I can't hear you! Talk louder!
711
01:07:05,076 --> 01:07:08,659
I said, you're feeling better now,
aren't you?! - Yes, a thousand thanks!
712
01:07:08,785 --> 01:07:11,367
No problem! Buy! - Bye.
713
01:07:22,701 --> 01:07:25,075
Tighten it up, they're coming!
- I tighten it! - Tighter!
714
01:07:25,826 --> 01:07:28,534
Come. Hurry. Here it comes!
715
01:07:45,201 --> 01:07:48,325
WelI yeah, you get what
you pay for. - Oh, dammit!
716
01:07:48,785 --> 01:07:51,367
What now? - I don't know!
717
01:07:53,285 --> 01:07:56,367
Well, get out and start smiling.
- Yeah, right.
718
01:08:11,660 --> 01:08:14,034
Don't blame me! I didn't do nothin'!
719
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,034
Me neither. I'm just followin' orders.
720
01:08:30,785 --> 01:08:35,034
We were turning about 8 grand when
the gages lit up like a pinball machine.
721
01:08:35,451 --> 01:08:38,325
Yeah, so we propped the hood
and there's oil leaking.
722
01:08:39,576 --> 01:08:44,534
Right here. - Does it look bad?
- Not from where I'm standing.
723
01:08:44,826 --> 01:08:49,450
Oh, can you fix it then?
- Honey, I got a tool that'll fix anything!
724
01:08:51,535 --> 01:08:53,284
Oh, yeah?
725
01:09:07,118 --> 01:09:10,159
Hey, sugar? - Yeah?
- What have you got under the hood?
726
01:09:10,618 --> 01:09:14,034
Alright. That's a 454, four on the floor.
727
01:09:14,701 --> 01:09:18,409
Full house, with a blower. - Yeah?
- She's a sweetheart, isn't she?
728
01:09:22,076 --> 01:09:24,534
It sure is hot out here, ain't it?
729
01:09:25,035 --> 01:09:28,034
Yeah, it really is.
730
01:09:32,118 --> 01:09:35,784
Why don't you relax, sugar?
Everything's gonna be just fine!
731
01:09:36,035 --> 01:09:39,075
I don't think my boss
wanted this to do 120 mph.
732
01:09:39,826 --> 01:09:44,367
Well, it's doin' it! - Come on, listen.
Why don't you just take me back and...
733
01:09:44,535 --> 01:09:47,784
My... Just take me back to my boss...
Oh jeez, am I gonna get it!
734
01:09:54,285 --> 01:09:57,659
What the heck! It's only a job.
Let's go!
735
01:09:58,701 --> 01:10:01,284
And it's gonna be a weekend
you'll never forget.
736
01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:14,325
Attention... Smokie in pursuit.
Attention... Smokie in...
737
01:10:14,410 --> 01:10:16,409
Battle stations!
738
01:10:17,868 --> 01:10:20,534
Afterburner. - Roger!
739
01:10:22,201 --> 01:10:25,450
Afterburner ready... 3, 2, 1...
740
01:10:25,535 --> 01:10:27,409
Ignition!
741
01:10:37,785 --> 01:10:40,534
Turn it off! -? - Turn it off!
742
01:10:42,285 --> 01:10:45,159
Prepare to crash dive!
743
01:11:00,868 --> 01:11:03,075
We just lost it.
744
01:11:20,660 --> 01:11:23,284
Look, beer cans! - Underwear?
745
01:11:23,535 --> 01:11:26,659
Now let's give 'em the oil slick.
- Yes, man.
746
01:11:31,660 --> 01:11:34,784
Oil slick... Sorry, fellas.
747
01:11:35,410 --> 01:11:38,700
We're just doin' our job.
- Yes, sorry.
748
01:11:40,076 --> 01:11:42,367
Attention... enemy astern.
749
01:11:42,701 --> 01:11:46,034
Let's see what's happening. Up the scope.
- Okay.
750
01:12:03,118 --> 01:12:06,617
Quiet, please.
- Stand by for depth charge attack.
751
01:12:16,410 --> 01:12:20,325
Come on. Catch one. Pay attention!
- We've been coming here for five years!
752
01:12:20,451 --> 01:12:24,284
Five years! - Without a fish. - A big one's
out there for you, boys. - You're sure?
753
01:12:24,326 --> 01:12:28,659
Darn right! I saw him jump the other day.
I took a picture, while it was in the air.
754
01:12:29,285 --> 01:12:31,659
Picture weighed 13 and a half pounds!
755
01:12:32,701 --> 01:12:35,034
I really don't like this guy!
756
01:12:43,535 --> 01:12:45,700
Forward all engines.
757
01:13:03,910 --> 01:13:06,534
Come on, just pay attention
to what you're doing.
758
01:13:12,951 --> 01:13:15,200
All ahead full.
759
01:13:19,285 --> 01:13:21,034
Let him go! - No!
760
01:13:21,285 --> 01:13:24,409
We've caught ourselves a Moby Dick!
761
01:13:25,285 --> 01:13:27,450
God damn, we're going with him!
762
01:13:34,910 --> 01:13:39,534
And you haven't seen your family in 2 years?
- No, but I'm not complaining. Duty calls.
763
01:13:40,535 --> 01:13:44,034
GeneraI? - What? - How long
do you think the national emergency
764
01:13:44,118 --> 01:13:47,075
will require the services
of Pvt. Lyle here, Sir?
765
01:13:48,076 --> 01:13:50,784
I don't know.
- He hasn't seen his family in 2 years.
766
01:13:51,035 --> 01:13:57,325
J.J., that is not nice. Truly isn't.
- A General's work is never done.
767
01:13:58,035 --> 01:14:02,034
Private. - Yes, Sir.
- I've checked the Geiger counter
768
01:14:02,701 --> 01:14:07,784
and the radioactivity seems to be dropping.
I don't think we need your services anymore.
769
01:14:08,285 --> 01:14:10,784
Yes, Sir. - Pull over. - Yes, Sir.
770
01:14:32,701 --> 01:14:36,117
Pvt. Lyle, you've rendered
a great service to this country.
771
01:14:36,576 --> 01:14:40,200
You make me proud to be in the same
army with a man with your character.
772
01:14:41,785 --> 01:14:44,784
I'd like to present you with the
Congressional Medal of Honor.
773
01:14:46,910 --> 01:14:51,200
This Congressional Medal of Honor?
- That Congressional Medal of Honor.
774
01:15:01,118 --> 01:15:03,450
That's French. - I know.
775
01:15:04,326 --> 01:15:07,575
General, for the last 20 years
while I was working in the motor pool
776
01:15:07,660 --> 01:15:10,950
I always knew the Good Lord's gonna give
me a chance to come on a special mission
777
01:15:11,035 --> 01:15:13,825
like this, to serve my country.
778
01:15:26,910 --> 01:15:28,950
Bye, Lyle.
779
01:15:49,118 --> 01:15:52,075
And that's all you have to do, honey.
- Boy, am I sick!
780
01:15:52,285 --> 01:15:56,534
I ain't never gonna fly with you again!
- Will you shut up and read the instructs
781
01:15:56,576 --> 01:15:59,450
and tell me what it says
about landing this thing?
782
01:16:01,785 --> 01:16:05,034
It says: lower the flaps.
- Okay, then do it, quickly!
783
01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:08,075
Where are they?
- Under "F", you idiot!
784
01:16:08,285 --> 01:16:11,284
Well, let's see. There's a "T"
for tabs. Is that any good?
785
01:16:11,326 --> 01:16:16,034
Fantastic! Pull it! - Pull what?
- Anything, dummy! - Okay, Tony!
786
01:16:35,035 --> 01:16:38,325
To look sharp...
787
01:16:38,535 --> 01:16:41,284
To feel sharp...
788
01:16:41,451 --> 01:16:43,867
I like this song so much,
I bought the company.
789
01:16:48,035 --> 01:16:51,367
I don't know why everybody makes such
a big deal about flying. It's a piece of cake.
790
01:16:51,701 --> 01:16:56,159
This better work, Tony. I just called
Don Don, and he's really mad.
791
01:16:57,201 --> 01:16:59,409
Caesar, Caesar...
792
01:17:00,035 --> 01:17:04,409
Simplicity is the hallmark of genius.
This cannot miss.
793
01:17:05,035 --> 01:17:06,534
Yeah?
794
01:17:07,410 --> 01:17:10,034
Relax, alright?
795
01:17:14,410 --> 01:17:17,534
Damn ulcer's killing me.
You got anything for it?
796
01:17:18,701 --> 01:17:21,825
Charlotte russe. How delightful.
797
01:17:23,576 --> 01:17:28,117
Not exactly the Maxim's,
but my compliments to the chef.
798
01:17:42,535 --> 01:17:44,575
A thousand pardons!
799
01:17:45,160 --> 01:17:51,075
I couldn't help noticing.
Obviously you are a damsel in distress.
800
01:17:52,118 --> 01:17:57,575
May I be of service to you?
I am the great Prince Abdul-ben Falafel,
801
01:17:57,868 --> 01:18:01,450
master of all deserts,
Prince of princes,
802
01:18:02,285 --> 01:18:05,284
and one of the world's biggest...
- Yoyos.
803
01:18:05,535 --> 01:18:08,200
How dare you put a gun to my head!
804
01:18:11,201 --> 01:18:14,617
As I was saying,
do you come here often?
805
01:18:19,951 --> 01:18:23,450
I wish you guys would have seen us change
in the bathroom, making this decision.
806
01:18:23,535 --> 01:18:28,034
Know, what she wanted to do? To put the
nun's habit on and the shorts underneath.
807
01:18:28,785 --> 01:18:31,367
And she thought you wouldn't notice.
- I will notice.
808
01:18:31,618 --> 01:18:35,784
Well, I just didn't want you to be upset
when you found out I wasn't a nun.
809
01:18:37,368 --> 01:18:40,034
You're not?
810
01:18:41,785 --> 01:18:46,367
I'm not even a Catholic.
- Well, nobody's perfect.
811
01:18:48,576 --> 01:18:51,784
May I? - Oh, I been waitin' for this.
812
01:19:04,785 --> 01:19:07,909
Sure hate to give the chauffeur a ticket.
- Yeah, it's always the jerk in back
813
01:19:08,035 --> 01:19:10,950
giving the orders. - Yeah.
814
01:19:13,660 --> 01:19:15,409
Pardon me, Sir, we're...
815
01:19:23,868 --> 01:19:27,284
You know what that is, back there?
- Damn right! It's a chimp!
816
01:19:27,910 --> 01:19:31,784
Listen to me. See that dark glass?
Don't look!
817
01:19:32,285 --> 01:19:34,950
You know who's behind
that glass filming us?
818
01:19:35,160 --> 01:19:37,784
Allen Funt.
We're on "Candid Camera"!
819
01:19:38,035 --> 01:19:40,284
Come on, it's our chance! Come on!
820
01:19:41,576 --> 01:19:44,409
Stand right here so they
can see you. Stand right here.
821
01:19:45,785 --> 01:19:48,034
Pardon me, Sir.
I'd like to see your license...
822
01:19:53,618 --> 01:19:57,200
Oh God, I wonder what the
penalty is for assaulting a police officer.
823
01:19:57,910 --> 01:20:00,659
He's not gonna make a monkey out of me!
824
01:20:01,701 --> 01:20:03,617
You're okay? Don't make him mad!
825
01:20:09,618 --> 01:20:13,784
I'm gonna say hello to my mom. I just
wondered if I could say hello to my mother?
826
01:20:19,076 --> 01:20:22,367
This is working great. Let's go sing.
Come on, before they go.
827
01:20:23,451 --> 01:20:28,575
By the light of the silvery moon...
828
01:20:30,035 --> 01:20:32,367
Let's get the hell outta here!
829
01:20:34,118 --> 01:20:38,534
Hey, Mr. Funt! Aren't we supposed
to sign a release? - Oh, shut up!
830
01:20:43,826 --> 01:20:47,450
Oh, listen! Look! Hold it!
Look, Cannonballers ahead of us!
831
01:20:57,118 --> 01:20:59,284
Alright, what the hell happened?
832
01:20:59,535 --> 01:21:04,784
Hm, Sir. I was eating my dessert when
suddenly I saw one of the cat people.
833
01:21:05,160 --> 01:21:07,659
Beautiful body was...
- Now, we have a slight problem.
834
01:21:08,160 --> 01:21:11,409
Two hoods. They parted
with the Sheik and the money.
835
01:21:11,660 --> 01:21:15,159
How that happen? - She was hitchhiking
in a leopard coat and as we approached
836
01:21:15,326 --> 01:21:17,825
she flashed and we stopped.
837
01:21:23,951 --> 01:21:27,200
He's right. Who else knew
the million was in the Sheik's trunk?
838
01:21:37,285 --> 01:21:41,784
I think you two guys have got
something to tell us, right? - Right.
839
01:21:44,535 --> 01:21:47,284
J.J, let me explain to you
as briefly as I can.
840
01:21:47,701 --> 01:21:52,575
Here's what happened. We owed the guys in
Vegas a little chump change. Nothing really.
841
01:21:52,826 --> 01:21:55,784
So they sent down some
torpedoes to collect.
842
01:21:57,660 --> 01:22:01,700
And you told 'em about the Sheik.
- It was tell 'em or else.
843
01:22:02,035 --> 01:22:06,159
Who were these guys?
- The Cannelloni family from Las Vegas.
844
01:22:06,285 --> 01:22:10,075
Well, hell. Let's just go get these guys.
- We can't just go get these guys!
845
01:22:10,201 --> 01:22:14,784
Why? - They hold up at the Pinto Ranch,
and that's guarded like Fort Knox.
846
01:22:14,826 --> 01:22:17,409
Wait a minute.
Maybe "him" can get through.
847
01:22:17,618 --> 01:22:22,117
Maybe "him" can get "himself"
killed and take you with "him".
848
01:22:22,826 --> 01:22:26,450
"Him" is open for other suggestions.
- What's happening? What's going on here?
849
01:22:26,868 --> 01:22:32,700
Gaped at her naked body glistening in the
hot sun and her sweet sweat rolling down...
850
01:22:33,326 --> 01:22:36,867
Hey, wait a minute.
We'll go to the King.
851
01:22:37,326 --> 01:22:39,700
No, no. The Sheik's father hates him.
852
01:22:40,118 --> 01:22:44,034
Hey, he's not the only king.
We have royalty in this country, too.
853
01:22:44,910 --> 01:22:47,159
He'll see you guys.
854
01:23:00,285 --> 01:23:02,450
Sit on this.
855
01:23:04,368 --> 01:23:09,034
How did you enjoy the Halloween party?
- What a guy he is. - What a guy!
856
01:23:10,285 --> 01:23:15,159
Alright. How much this time?
- Frank, you know. It's never for ourselves.
857
01:23:17,535 --> 01:23:21,117
Not this time, Frank.
- And who asked you to sit down? Get up!
858
01:23:24,618 --> 01:23:26,867
Mr. Sinatra...
- You may call me Frank.
859
01:23:27,576 --> 01:23:30,284
I can call him Frank. - Not yet.
860
01:23:30,451 --> 01:23:33,909
I'll let you know when you can.
Not exactly now, but I'll let you know.
861
01:23:34,035 --> 01:23:36,450
What can I call you? - Call me Sir.
862
01:23:37,410 --> 01:23:43,075
Call him Sir. - I got it.
Sir... We are Cannonballers.
863
01:23:43,701 --> 01:23:45,867
What? - Cannonballers.
864
01:23:47,410 --> 01:23:49,367
Oh, wait a minute...
865
01:23:49,785 --> 01:23:52,284
I've been lonely as much as you have,
from time to time.
866
01:23:52,910 --> 01:23:57,284
Come on.
- That's a hot one, Your Majesty. Sir.
867
01:23:58,118 --> 01:24:01,325
You see, the Cannonball is a race
from California to Connecticut.
868
01:24:01,410 --> 01:24:05,034
We have lots of fun.
But the Sheik... - Sheik? - Yes.
869
01:24:05,285 --> 01:24:08,700
With the blue Rolls Royce. - Who is he?
Did I ever sing for him in London, you think?
870
01:24:08,868 --> 01:24:11,534
We can't even pronounce his name.
You see, they kidnapped him
871
01:24:11,618 --> 01:24:15,075
and they took $1 million out of the trunk
of his car. That's why we came to you.
872
01:24:15,826 --> 01:24:20,200
Why come to me? Why don't you
go to the FBI? - Who taught the FBI?
873
01:24:23,618 --> 01:24:26,117
Okay, alright. Who snatched him?
874
01:24:26,451 --> 01:24:28,659
Oh, the Cannellonis.
875
01:24:31,118 --> 01:24:33,034
I got an idea.
876
01:24:33,160 --> 01:24:37,159
I got a trio that I use in my act and this
bum's been trying to steal it for months.
877
01:24:40,451 --> 01:24:42,825
Dorothy, get me Don Don.
878
01:24:46,118 --> 01:24:49,617
They must be terrific for Frank
to recommend them personally.
879
01:24:49,785 --> 01:24:53,700
I guarantee you have never seen
anything like this in your whole...
880
01:24:53,826 --> 01:24:56,450
I'm not saying this,
just because I'm their agent.
881
01:24:56,785 --> 01:25:01,159
You know, I just love auditioning
new talent. I get all excited.
882
01:25:36,118 --> 01:25:39,909
Come on, what's the matter?
- They are a little short on looks.
883
01:25:40,118 --> 01:25:43,700
But didn't you notice the nice
unison? The way they dance?
884
01:25:59,618 --> 01:26:01,659
They're fabulous.
885
01:26:31,326 --> 01:26:34,950
Frank ain't no dummy.
I can't sing...
886
01:26:35,076 --> 01:26:38,784
...but even I can follow that act.
887
01:26:43,035 --> 01:26:44,700
Thank you.
888
01:26:53,285 --> 01:26:55,700
Girls, you're hired!
You're hired, girls! You're hired!
889
01:26:56,160 --> 01:27:00,200
You all have life... lifetime
contracts here at the Pinto Ranch.
890
01:27:00,535 --> 01:27:03,284
I'll just have to move
someplace else... Now, girls!
891
01:27:03,660 --> 01:27:07,784
Lovely. Go to your dressing rooms
and powder your noses... a lot!
892
01:27:08,035 --> 01:27:11,450
Absolutely wonderful. Frank certainly
knows his stuff! Just wonderful.
893
01:27:16,201 --> 01:27:18,534
Bad news.
894
01:27:34,868 --> 01:27:39,034
Oh, girls. How do you spell Laverne?
Is that one word or two? - Two. - Three.
895
01:27:40,201 --> 01:27:42,284
Oh, Hymie, what a pleasant surprise!
896
01:27:48,535 --> 01:27:51,075
Uh, what a pleasant surprise...
897
01:27:51,451 --> 01:27:55,867
Hey! I said I'd be here in 24 hours.
Therefore...
898
01:27:56,368 --> 01:28:01,034
...it ain't no surprise. And it ain't
gonna be pleasant either. May I?
899
01:28:03,451 --> 01:28:05,367
Oh my God...
900
01:28:18,785 --> 01:28:22,284
What are these three bow-wows?
- It's our new lounge act.
901
01:28:22,368 --> 01:28:26,284
What do they do? Scare the
audience to death?... That's funny!
902
01:28:28,368 --> 01:28:30,575
Mr. Hymie?
903
01:28:32,451 --> 01:28:35,617
You girls ever hear of Nair?
- We're working on it. - Huh?
904
01:28:36,160 --> 01:28:38,659
Our doctor has us on hormones.
905
01:28:39,576 --> 01:28:43,534
Well, I suggest you go for a second opinion,
because I think he's over-prescribing.
906
01:28:44,285 --> 01:28:46,825
Hi, I'm Laverne.
907
01:28:53,576 --> 01:28:56,034
Get me those hormones.
908
01:28:57,576 --> 01:29:00,575
Alright, Dumb-Dumb.
Where's my nine large?
909
01:29:03,285 --> 01:29:06,659
One million dollars, Hymie.
And the rest is in escrow
910
01:29:06,785 --> 01:29:09,825
in a bank in downtown Las Vegas.
911
01:29:10,076 --> 01:29:14,200
I'm gonna consider this
interest only, alright?
912
01:29:15,451 --> 01:29:21,825
Now, you have the principal by tomorrow,
or you'll be under downtown Las Vegas.
913
01:29:24,451 --> 01:29:28,284
Girls... So long. - Bye, Mr. Hymie.
914
01:29:30,785 --> 01:29:33,784
Excuse me...
You have a Ladies' restroom?
915
01:29:33,910 --> 01:29:37,325
Yes, it says "Cowgirls". It's the
second door on the left. - On the left.
916
01:29:37,535 --> 01:29:42,117
Now, this is a lifetime contract, as I said.
I presume they'Il have their own wardrobe?
917
01:29:46,535 --> 01:29:48,617
Tits up! - Alright.
918
01:29:51,785 --> 01:29:55,909
Mr. Hymie!
- That Laverne comes near me, waste her!
919
01:29:58,285 --> 01:30:01,409
We were just wondering if you could
give us a little advice on our careers.
920
01:30:01,618 --> 01:30:04,325
Oh, yeah! Get out of show business.
921
01:30:05,160 --> 01:30:06,700
Now!
922
01:30:09,535 --> 01:30:12,284
We got the money!
923
01:30:12,785 --> 01:30:15,200
Hide! Somebody's coming!
924
01:30:25,576 --> 01:30:29,450
Your purses. - Oh, good. We got
the money! - Oh, let's go! - No, no!
925
01:30:30,076 --> 01:30:33,617
We gotta safe the Sheik!
- Come on. - Alright.
926
01:30:37,785 --> 01:30:42,700
Hi, I was wondering if you gentlemen will
be kind enough to help me with my luggage?
927
01:30:45,410 --> 01:30:47,825
Man, those three broads
got a case of the uglies.
928
01:30:47,910 --> 01:30:50,325
Let the boss not hear you say that.
929
01:30:54,160 --> 01:30:57,409
It's torture, I tell you.
Torture! Please. Please!
930
01:30:57,535 --> 01:31:00,200
Hey, it's got a lock on it.
- Break it down. - Come on.
931
01:31:00,868 --> 01:31:03,534
Ladies, at one, two, three!
932
01:31:06,826 --> 01:31:10,409
More Ladies! My beauties,
you must wait your turn.
933
01:31:10,535 --> 01:31:12,867
There is only so much water
in the fountain.
934
01:31:13,576 --> 01:31:18,034
Sheik, it's us! - We're not girls!
- How dare you?
935
01:31:18,076 --> 01:31:21,284
It is out of the question!
Allah will only forgive so much!
936
01:31:21,410 --> 01:31:25,284
Hey Abdul, put your slipper's on. Let's
get outta here. - I don't want to go!
937
01:31:26,118 --> 01:31:29,784
I've tried everything, but...
- Get me out of this. - This is something.
938
01:31:29,868 --> 01:31:33,075
Can I take this with me?
- Okay with me. Come, tickle!
939
01:31:34,910 --> 01:31:39,909
I'm terribly sorry. - Now, listen to me.
If these three uglies get away with my million
940
01:31:40,410 --> 01:31:44,367
Dumb-Dumb, then your father's gonna
owe me a big favor. You know why?
941
01:31:44,535 --> 01:31:47,534
No. - Because I'm
gonna kill you. And then...
942
01:31:47,826 --> 01:31:50,409
...he's gonna kill you.
And then he's gonna kill you.
943
01:31:50,660 --> 01:31:53,867
And then he's gonna kill you!
- Charmed. There's no need to worry, Hymie.
944
01:31:54,035 --> 01:31:57,075
You see, they cannot escape.
There's no way out of here.
945
01:31:57,160 --> 01:31:59,784
You are totally secure!
946
01:32:01,535 --> 01:32:04,284
However, I'm very shaky.
947
01:32:09,535 --> 01:32:12,450
Open! - Oh, shit!
You got the key?
948
01:32:12,660 --> 01:32:16,200
Maybe. - You ungrateful putz! - Hold it!
949
01:32:22,451 --> 01:32:24,784
The three little pigs!
950
01:32:33,368 --> 01:32:35,284
Get me somebody to hide behind!
951
01:32:38,660 --> 01:32:42,117
This is it, boys. Remember the rules...
952
01:32:42,785 --> 01:32:46,200
No rules! - You heard him.
Absolutely no rules!
953
01:32:46,535 --> 01:32:50,284
I told you, there's nothing to worry about.
There won't be any witnesses.
954
01:32:50,868 --> 01:32:53,117
No witnesses?
955
01:32:54,910 --> 01:32:57,367
J.J., they're all around us. I...
956
01:33:20,201 --> 01:33:22,950
My money or your life. - Money!
957
01:33:24,201 --> 01:33:27,034
He's got the money.
- Ha... He's got the money.
958
01:33:28,701 --> 01:33:30,034
J.J.
959
01:33:35,576 --> 01:33:38,325
Hey, did you see that picture where
the bad guys get their last request?
960
01:33:38,660 --> 01:33:42,117
Yeah. - Well, some time on the
late show. - It was really a good movie.
961
01:33:43,785 --> 01:33:46,825
A last meal perhaps?
You could lay a little BBQ on us.
962
01:33:46,951 --> 01:33:49,700
You know, something that you
would go over the coals with?
963
01:33:50,368 --> 01:33:53,075
I'Il have some quiche.
And a little chocolate mousse.
964
01:33:54,326 --> 01:33:57,117
Er, Shish kebab...
No, no. Couscous.
965
01:33:58,076 --> 01:33:59,534
Friggin' chickasee?
966
01:34:01,285 --> 01:34:03,117
Chicken fricasse...
967
01:34:03,868 --> 01:34:06,200
And you? - I'd like a wine list.
968
01:34:08,076 --> 01:34:11,159
Where I'm sending you, baby,
everything's on the menu.
969
01:34:30,201 --> 01:34:31,784
We're saved!
970
01:34:40,285 --> 01:34:42,284
Hey, reminds me of Brooklyn!
971
01:34:48,701 --> 01:34:50,367
Hi there!
972
01:34:58,785 --> 01:35:00,617
Surprise!
973
01:35:05,035 --> 01:35:06,784
You too!
974
01:35:08,701 --> 01:35:11,200
Any questions, boys?
975
01:35:17,368 --> 01:35:20,117
Do you mind a personal remark?
- No, of course not!
976
01:35:20,285 --> 01:35:22,450
That is absolutely gorgeous!
977
01:35:24,451 --> 01:35:26,534
Hey, one's getting away!
978
01:35:28,868 --> 01:35:32,284
I got him. - I'll guard your back.
Be careful and watch out!
979
01:35:32,326 --> 01:35:34,659
No problem. I'll be right back!
980
01:35:42,285 --> 01:35:44,950
You're okay? Must be
a pretty tough guy up there.
981
01:35:45,076 --> 01:35:47,825
Maybe I should take care
of this one. - He's all yours.
982
01:35:52,201 --> 01:35:54,617
I think, he's over his head this time.
983
01:36:09,410 --> 01:36:12,909
Hey! You look like an athlete.
- Wow, thank you. I was an athlete.
984
01:36:13,035 --> 01:36:14,867
Oh yeah? - Yeah, I was...
985
01:36:16,076 --> 01:36:20,659
Oh, then you can probably handle yourself.
- You're in danger. - I'll protect you, Sister.
986
01:36:21,535 --> 01:36:23,534
Four, five, six, seven...
987
01:36:24,951 --> 01:36:26,450
Next!
988
01:36:30,660 --> 01:36:33,909
Oh, don't do that to me again.
This is just beautiful!
989
01:36:34,035 --> 01:36:37,075
That's European, isn't it?
- But of course. - Absolutely stunning!
990
01:36:37,785 --> 01:36:39,700
That's enough. That's enough!
991
01:36:42,326 --> 01:36:44,534
A thousand thanks, Sisters!
- Bless you, my friend.
992
01:36:50,326 --> 01:36:52,159
Over there! Yeah!
993
01:36:52,285 --> 01:36:55,617
Come on, you brat. You pervert!
994
01:36:55,868 --> 01:36:58,284
Hey, how do you like this
for a hose job?
995
01:37:04,035 --> 01:37:06,284
Oh yeah? Salute!
996
01:37:07,701 --> 01:37:11,700
Hello, Chaos!
- Look J.J., a flower! Nice, huh?
997
01:37:12,035 --> 01:37:13,784
See ya!
998
01:37:15,285 --> 01:37:19,034
And I figured that 30,000 we owe you...
This will more than take care of it.
999
01:37:20,451 --> 01:37:23,159
May I buy you a drink?
- Yes. - Cherie!
1000
01:37:23,701 --> 01:37:26,825
Cherie!? I guess everyone...
They seem to be so busy!
1001
01:37:31,576 --> 01:37:32,784
That was fun, J.J.!
1002
01:37:36,285 --> 01:37:38,575
Get those guys! - You got it.
1003
01:37:39,160 --> 01:37:41,450
Fly, baby! Fly!
1004
01:37:42,576 --> 01:37:46,034
Help is on the way!
Justice will triumph!
1005
01:37:48,910 --> 01:37:52,284
Sorry, bad guys! Carry on.
1006
01:37:52,910 --> 01:37:57,117
Raining like a son-of-a-bitch over there.
You need any help here? - Yes. Inject that.
1007
01:37:57,285 --> 01:38:01,284
Fine. Oh, the plague!
I've seen this before...
1008
01:38:12,368 --> 01:38:16,284
No, Jackie! J.J...
Cannonball... You got it!
1009
01:38:28,285 --> 01:38:30,450
Friend or foe? - Have a guess!
1010
01:38:33,285 --> 01:38:36,700
It's a bird. - It's a plane.
- It's Hymie!
1011
01:38:45,535 --> 01:38:48,034
Would you hold this for me, please?
I would like to really...
1012
01:38:48,118 --> 01:38:51,700
...get a good look at that ring again.
It's truly lovely.
1013
01:38:56,118 --> 01:38:57,659
Oh my God...
1014
01:39:05,576 --> 01:39:07,867
Oh, look...
1015
01:39:08,285 --> 01:39:12,575
J.J., it's a vision.
- No... No, it's us.
1016
01:39:17,660 --> 01:39:20,075
Oh, Sister Betty.
1017
01:39:20,535 --> 01:39:23,867
"Him" didn't know you had
that in you. - "Him" wilI.
1018
01:39:25,035 --> 01:39:27,409
We're here to help you win!
1019
01:39:27,910 --> 01:39:32,659
Did you miss me? - So much...
- Oh thanks. A little more than that?
1020
01:39:33,285 --> 01:39:36,034
I'm glad you missed me that much!
1021
01:39:36,826 --> 01:39:39,034
All these wonderful gals!
1022
01:39:40,535 --> 01:39:42,617
Fenderbaum!
1023
01:39:44,368 --> 01:39:47,034
Boy-nun, boy-boy, boy-nun.
1024
01:39:50,368 --> 01:39:54,075
Fenderbaum! What are you
doing with my partner?
1025
01:39:54,535 --> 01:39:56,367
Partner? - Partner?
1026
01:39:56,535 --> 01:40:00,200
Yes! I have bought the Pinto Ranch!
1027
01:40:00,618 --> 01:40:02,075
Yes!
1028
01:40:03,660 --> 01:40:07,200
And why not?
I have a weakness for blondes...
1029
01:40:07,410 --> 01:40:10,284
...and women without mustaches.
1030
01:40:12,535 --> 01:40:18,409
Before you do any hiring you tell
your partner about your liabilities.
1031
01:40:18,535 --> 01:40:20,950
You know, you have a very big mouth!
1032
01:40:22,368 --> 01:40:24,617
My Sheik! - My partner!
1033
01:40:24,826 --> 01:40:28,117
My Sheik, I will need
just a little operating capital.
1034
01:40:28,701 --> 01:40:30,450
How much?
1035
01:40:31,576 --> 01:40:35,159
Nine million dollars? - Nine million?
1036
01:40:35,410 --> 01:40:38,909
A drop in the well!
I will give you 18 million.
1037
01:40:39,035 --> 01:40:43,117
That way you will have some petty cash!
- Thank you, my Sheik. Where are you going?
1038
01:40:43,785 --> 01:40:46,075
To win the race!
1039
01:40:46,535 --> 01:40:50,784
To share in my good fortune
with my fellow Cannonballers
1040
01:40:51,035 --> 01:40:56,034
I have decided to raise the
prize money to two million dollars!
1041
01:40:57,826 --> 01:41:00,784
How many zeros is in that?
- I don't know!
1042
01:41:01,910 --> 01:41:06,034
We'Il split it three ways? -Yeah!
- Come, my sweethearts, we go!
1043
01:41:15,326 --> 01:41:17,325
Hey, Fenderbaum, Blake!
Come here a minute!
1044
01:41:18,035 --> 01:41:20,450
What is it, Frank?
Can't you see we're busy?
1045
01:41:20,576 --> 01:41:24,284
I know that. That's why I want to get
a head start. See you in Connecticut.
1046
01:42:20,785 --> 01:42:25,534
Oh, so sorry. You are average
player. Please try again later.
1047
01:42:54,660 --> 01:42:58,575
You gotta have to stop this thing. I can't
examine you with alI this movin' around.
1048
01:42:58,660 --> 01:43:04,325
I can't stop! I can't stop! Just keep
me alive untiI we reach Connecticut!
1049
01:43:13,201 --> 01:43:15,867
So much for Abdul...
1050
01:43:16,618 --> 01:43:20,534
It's money in the bank,
I tell you. A million bucks!
1051
01:43:20,701 --> 01:43:23,575
The whole of a million bucks apiece!
1052
01:43:29,660 --> 01:43:33,367
That's Frank.
- Where'd he learn to drive like that?
1053
01:43:33,618 --> 01:43:35,950
I don't know, but don't let him pass us!
1054
01:43:36,285 --> 01:43:38,784
Floor it! - It's floored!
1055
01:43:39,326 --> 01:43:42,367
Hi Frank, chicky-lover baby!
Hi there!
1056
01:43:42,535 --> 01:43:46,034
Remember me, Fenderbaum? Listen,
whoever gets to the finish line first
1057
01:43:46,285 --> 01:43:48,534
we split it 50/50, okay?
1058
01:43:50,035 --> 01:43:51,409
70/30
1059
01:43:52,910 --> 01:43:55,409
How about 10%?
1060
01:43:55,910 --> 01:43:57,325
Forget it.
1061
01:44:21,035 --> 01:44:23,825
Forget it, guys!
You're four hours and 15 martinis late!
1062
01:44:23,910 --> 01:44:27,034
Better go in the bar and get gassed up,
'cause you're racing back tomorrow...
1063
01:44:27,368 --> 01:44:31,200
...at noon!
- Park it. I'll see you in the bar.
1064
01:44:32,035 --> 01:44:35,367
Thanks. We'll leave tomorrow
and we'll be back in four days.
1065
01:44:35,618 --> 01:44:39,409
Then Atlantic City and a
weekend you'll never forget.
1066
01:44:39,535 --> 01:44:43,075
Once again you have brought
shame and disgrace to our tribe
1067
01:44:43,201 --> 01:44:47,284
by not winning the Cannonball Run.
- But Pop, there was this doctor in the car.
1068
01:44:47,410 --> 01:44:49,950
He gave me a... It was kismet.
- I warn you!
1069
01:44:50,160 --> 01:44:53,325
Tomorrow's race is the last
Cannonball I am financing.
1070
01:44:53,451 --> 01:44:56,034
If you do not win,
do not bother to come home.
1071
01:44:56,118 --> 01:44:58,867
Pop, don't worry. I can't lose!
1072
01:44:59,076 --> 01:45:03,909
I have hired the winner of this Cannonball
to be my co-driver in the next one.
1073
01:45:04,285 --> 01:45:08,284
I'd like you to meet him. I have
told him so much about you, Pop.
1074
01:45:11,535 --> 01:45:15,575
Excuse me, Sir.
I'd like you to meet my Pop!
1075
01:45:34,118 --> 01:45:37,950
The Cannonball is a race from California
to Connecticut. We have lots of fun.
1076
01:45:38,035 --> 01:45:41,117
And then... The Sheik... What they...
1077
01:45:41,785 --> 01:45:44,659
I can get this. Just a minute.
I can do it. Wait a minute.
1078
01:45:45,118 --> 01:45:47,784
And... - We'll start from the slap.
- From the slap?
1079
01:45:48,368 --> 01:45:50,409
Sir! Er...
1080
01:45:53,868 --> 01:45:56,575
Just pick it up right from the slap.
1081
01:45:58,076 --> 01:45:59,825
Sir!
1082
01:45:59,910 --> 01:46:03,950
Sorry, we get this in a minute.
It's alright. We get it. Here we go.
1083
01:46:04,326 --> 01:46:07,117
Oh, Sir! The Cannonball is a race
1084
01:46:07,118 --> 01:46:09,284
from Connecticut to your ass.
1085
01:46:23,785 --> 01:46:27,034
Now, if your mother
could kiss like that...
1086
01:46:27,368 --> 01:46:30,159
We're just gonna place it. Ready? Huh?
1087
01:46:32,660 --> 01:46:35,117
Is that what you want? You got it.
1088
01:46:35,285 --> 01:46:39,284
Okay? - I don't trust you. - No, you
got it, I swear. I'm just gonna place it.
1089
01:46:42,201 --> 01:46:45,367
Oh shit, if I wasn't getting
a lot of money...
1090
01:46:46,160 --> 01:46:49,409
Don't get it from the ground.
- Where might I gonna get it from?
1091
01:46:49,535 --> 01:46:52,284
Get it from here. This is fresh.
1092
01:46:52,701 --> 01:46:55,784
There'll be a mound here.
- I got fresh stuff here.
1093
01:46:55,868 --> 01:46:59,825
Nobody's ever peed on this.
I'm just gonna place it.
1094
01:47:03,660 --> 01:47:06,367
How animals live on this shit?
1095
01:47:28,326 --> 01:47:32,409
Listen, if we have these nuns
God will be our co-pilot.
1096
01:47:32,785 --> 01:47:35,950
I don't care. You listen to me.
Listen to me.
1097
01:47:38,826 --> 01:47:41,117
We're not taking those nuns along.
1098
01:47:44,118 --> 01:47:47,075
What is the matter with you?
I can't work like this!
1099
01:47:48,826 --> 01:47:53,284
She's winking at me.
- Hold there. - She's to wave.
1100
01:47:53,326 --> 01:47:58,784
Alright. - I have no protection.
She is... Godammit... - Pick it up.
1101
01:47:59,660 --> 01:48:03,450
Lepers? New York?
- No: "Lepers? Big Apple?"
1102
01:48:04,660 --> 01:48:07,409
I order you...
1103
01:48:10,868 --> 01:48:14,659
J.J.! Long time no see.
- Captain Chaos, nice to see you again.
1104
01:48:16,160 --> 01:48:18,784
Would you do it again?
- Yeah, certainly. - Here we go.
1105
01:48:25,701 --> 01:48:28,325
Keep it rollin'. Here we go.
1106
01:48:32,576 --> 01:48:35,784
J.J.! - Captain Chaos! - Long time
no see. - Good to see you again.
1107
01:48:35,910 --> 01:48:39,284
Good to see you! - Listen, I'd deem it
a personal pruverage... privilege,
1108
01:48:39,410 --> 01:48:43,284
if I can get in that bomb and get my
teeth fixed. Turn around, let's start again.
1109
01:48:46,576 --> 01:48:50,200
J.J.! - Captain Chaos. - Long time
no see. - Good to see you again.
1110
01:48:50,868 --> 01:48:53,700
I'd deem it a privilege
you let me ride in the bomb.
1111
01:48:54,201 --> 01:48:57,784
Did you understand that at alI?
Just turn around and let me do it again.
1112
01:49:01,785 --> 01:49:04,659
Listen, isn't somebody gonna say "Cut"?
96735
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