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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:35,576 --> 00:01:39,867 For one thousand centuries... 2 00:01:40,326 --> 00:01:45,034 the Falafel family has ruled the deserts with one thing: 3 00:01:45,118 --> 00:01:46,784 Speed! 4 00:01:47,076 --> 00:01:51,367 We have the fastest camels and the fastest horses! 5 00:01:51,451 --> 00:01:54,325 Now, due to... 6 00:01:55,618 --> 00:01:58,034 ...you know what... 7 00:01:59,368 --> 00:02:02,784 ...we have the fastest planes... 8 00:02:03,368 --> 00:02:06,367 ...the fastest boats and the fastest cars! 9 00:02:06,535 --> 00:02:08,909 Except for one: yours! 10 00:02:09,451 --> 00:02:14,075 Last year I sent you to America for one simple task. 11 00:02:14,285 --> 00:02:15,867 So simple. 12 00:02:15,951 --> 00:02:20,284 To emblazon the Falafel name as the fastest in the world 13 00:02:20,368 --> 00:02:24,159 by winning the Cannonball Run. 14 00:02:24,868 --> 00:02:27,784 And you... failed! 15 00:02:29,701 --> 00:02:32,909 A thousand thanks! - But Lion of the deserts... 16 00:02:33,035 --> 00:02:35,284 ...King of Kings... 17 00:02:35,368 --> 00:02:41,200 ...Pop! - No excuses, you son of my ugliest wife! 18 00:02:44,451 --> 00:02:46,700 A thousand thanks! 19 00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:56,659 How come you have a blond, blue-eyed slave, hm? 20 00:02:58,326 --> 00:03:02,075 He's an actor. Hasn't had a series in seven years. 21 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,700 Nine! 22 00:03:07,826 --> 00:03:11,075 Two thousand thanks! - I know I didn't win, Pop. 23 00:03:11,285 --> 00:03:14,284 I was sick. My ulcer... 24 00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:18,284 I order you back to America... 25 00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:21,659 ...to win the Cannonball Run! 26 00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:24,784 I give you one last chance, because... 27 00:03:25,576 --> 00:03:28,200 ...you are my only son with a driver's license. 28 00:03:28,326 --> 00:03:32,575 But Pop, there is no Cannonball Run this year. - So? 29 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:38,117 Buy one. - Of course! 30 00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:03,784 Couple of wise guys behind us. - Slow down. Let's see how ballsy they are. 31 00:04:05,368 --> 00:04:11,284 Wow! What a couple of great-looking chicks! - So much for boredom! - Let's nail 'em! 32 00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:14,784 Wise broads. - They can't outrun the radio. 33 00:05:14,826 --> 00:05:18,034 Charlie, you got one heading your way. You'Il see it in about three minutes. 34 00:05:18,076 --> 00:05:22,034 You're three minutes are up! Man, a couple of great-looking chicks! 35 00:05:35,285 --> 00:05:38,909 Road's straight as an arrow. I can see for five miles. Wonder where they are? 36 00:05:39,035 --> 00:05:43,617 Don't panic. Just watch the side roads for dust. No way they can shake us. 37 00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:56,534 You heard me? I think we lost 'em. - How can you lose a white Lamborghini 38 00:05:56,618 --> 00:06:02,200 with two chicks in the middle of nowhere? - What is this? A quiz? We lost 'em, okay? 39 00:06:02,326 --> 00:06:05,784 Haha. I just found 'em, son. This here's the end of the hunt. 40 00:06:05,910 --> 00:06:07,617 Good luck, buddy! 41 00:06:11,868 --> 00:06:15,617 Figure, they gotta be between us. Just pull out and block the damn' road. 42 00:06:16,826 --> 00:06:19,867 You got any other bright ideas? 43 00:06:40,035 --> 00:06:43,117 I'm eastbound in pursuit of a white Lamborghini. 44 00:06:43,201 --> 00:06:45,867 This is not a recording. 45 00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:11,909 Hey, thanks for the hose job! 46 00:07:27,535 --> 00:07:30,825 If I tell you boys something, you won't think I've been drinking, will ya? 47 00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:35,534 The white Lamborghini is vanished, but there's a red one behind me honking its horn. 48 00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:40,325 Correction! It's passing me, and it's got two great-looking chicks in it! 49 00:08:02,285 --> 00:08:06,784 You know Marcie, we've got this routine down. - Yeah, I think we're ready for the Cannonball. 50 00:08:06,910 --> 00:08:09,659 Oh yeah, I think so. How far is Redondo Beach? 51 00:08:10,118 --> 00:08:12,784 150 miles. - Hm, an hour flat. 52 00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,617 What are we waiting for? Let's go! 53 00:08:46,118 --> 00:08:49,867 Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the fifth annual Madera air show. 54 00:08:50,076 --> 00:08:54,825 The greatest, most sensational gathering of stunt pilots and daredevils in the US. 55 00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:58,784 Displays of flying and courage like you've never seen before... 56 00:08:59,035 --> 00:09:01,867 ...concluding with the most death-defying stunt of them all: 57 00:09:02,035 --> 00:09:05,617 The human Bomb! So grab your kids, grab your hats. 58 00:09:05,785 --> 00:09:08,659 The festivities will begin shortly! 59 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,200 Are you sure this is a good idea, J.J.? 60 00:09:18,410 --> 00:09:20,575 A good idea? 61 00:09:21,285 --> 00:09:23,617 We're gonna get so rich. - Rich? - Rich! 62 00:09:23,826 --> 00:09:27,534 We're gonna split everything 50/50 right down the middle. We're partners! 63 00:09:27,618 --> 00:09:30,784 Partners? - You bet. We're friends, aren't we? - Partners and friends. 64 00:09:30,826 --> 00:09:34,409 And we're gonna be rich. - Rich partners and friends. - That's right! 65 00:09:35,285 --> 00:09:38,617 What if something goes wrong? - What could go wrong? 66 00:09:40,201 --> 00:09:43,825 We've got the ace dive bomber pilot from World War II. 67 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:47,325 Dive bomber? - Oh yeah. He'll let you go right out of the plane... 68 00:09:47,785 --> 00:09:51,200 ...with this. And you'll go right through that target. - Target? - Right through... 69 00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:53,950 ...and into a net, strong net... - Net? 70 00:09:54,201 --> 00:09:57,825 And if you go through the net, then you'll land in some hay. I mean, so much hay 71 00:09:57,951 --> 00:10:01,659 you could feed all the cattle in Texas. - What am I worried about? 72 00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:04,867 Nothing! Are you crazy? - I'm so glad you're laughing. 73 00:10:05,035 --> 00:10:09,700 He can't miss! He can't miss! I bless you. You will not miss. 74 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:13,075 J.J., I'm still scared. - You're still scared? - Yeah. 75 00:10:13,285 --> 00:10:17,450 Well, if you're scared, you could always have "him" do it. 76 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:21,700 "Him" doesn't come unless there's grave danger to human life. 77 00:10:22,701 --> 00:10:24,367 Right... 78 00:10:25,535 --> 00:10:27,950 You oughta call "him". 79 00:10:31,618 --> 00:10:33,409 Hello, this is Jack Smith. 80 00:10:33,910 --> 00:10:38,200 We've brought our cameras to record for our 30 million viewers a vintage dive bomber, 81 00:10:38,285 --> 00:10:42,325 flying on a simulated attack run, drop a human bomb. 82 00:10:42,618 --> 00:10:45,784 A man encased in steel, risking life and limb, 83 00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:48,950 hurtling to the ground at 140 miles per hour! 84 00:10:49,076 --> 00:10:51,950 Now, this is a man of such great courage 85 00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:54,367 that he's destined to become a household name. 86 00:10:54,576 --> 00:10:57,200 He'll be besieged for autographs, 87 00:10:57,285 --> 00:11:00,534 his picture will be on magazine covers all over the world. 88 00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:03,700 Millions of adoring women will be at his feet. 89 00:11:03,785 --> 00:11:06,617 He's bound to become a national celebrity. 90 00:11:11,368 --> 00:11:13,325 Oh, shit... 91 00:11:15,826 --> 00:11:19,700 J.J.! Long time no see! - Nice to see you, Captain Chaos. 92 00:11:20,326 --> 00:11:24,284 Listen, I'd like to take your place in the bomb. - Have no fear. "Him" is here. 93 00:11:24,368 --> 00:11:27,409 It'd make me very happy. - You want it? - Yes. - You got it. 94 00:11:27,951 --> 00:11:30,784 Thank you. - Suck in! - Okay. 95 00:11:31,785 --> 00:11:33,034 What a guy! 96 00:11:41,035 --> 00:11:44,575 Give me a D, give me a D, give me a D-E-U, 97 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:48,075 give me a T, give me a T, T- S-C-H. 98 00:11:48,326 --> 00:11:51,450 Yea, Deutschland! Listen... 99 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,659 You think you might like a beer? - Hey! 100 00:11:55,535 --> 00:11:59,075 Hey! - Deutschland, Deutschland... - I want outta here! 101 00:11:59,368 --> 00:12:02,034 You asked for it! 102 00:12:11,701 --> 00:12:14,159 Here he comes, folks... Here he is... 103 00:12:14,285 --> 00:12:17,075 One of the most dangerous stunts we've ever had performed in Madera. 104 00:12:20,535 --> 00:12:24,159 On his final approach... This has to be perfect the first time around. 105 00:12:51,785 --> 00:12:54,200 That's my partner. What a team! 106 00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:57,784 The crash trucks are on their way. We'll have word on his condition in a minute. 107 00:12:57,868 --> 00:13:00,659 What a pilot! What a pilot! Are you okay? 108 00:13:00,785 --> 00:13:04,284 Oh my goodness, did you see that? Wasn't that fantastic? 109 00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:07,409 I'm so terrifically happy... - Oh, shut up and get me outta here! 110 00:13:07,535 --> 00:13:09,784 Did you hear the crowd? We were terrific! - Get me out! 111 00:13:09,868 --> 00:13:13,659 I can just see us on PEOPLE magazine. We're gonna be a big hit! 112 00:13:13,868 --> 00:13:16,367 J.J., you seem a little shorter! 113 00:13:16,826 --> 00:13:20,534 J.J., are you okay? You know something? I figured it out. - Yeah? 114 00:13:20,618 --> 00:13:23,575 If we do this ten times a day... - Yeah? - ... by the end of the year 115 00:13:23,701 --> 00:13:25,950 we're gonna be billionaires! 116 00:13:26,868 --> 00:13:29,284 What is that? - Oh don't worry about that. It's the CannonbalI Race. 117 00:13:29,326 --> 00:13:33,325 It's on again. A million dollars' the prize. Don't worry. We're gonna be billionaires. 118 00:13:36,201 --> 00:13:39,700 What did I say? - You want me to do this ten times a day? 119 00:13:40,201 --> 00:13:41,784 Nine? 120 00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:45,409 What a grouch! 121 00:13:53,201 --> 00:13:57,034 I asked you to come here out of respect for the family. 122 00:13:57,910 --> 00:14:00,950 In the past, the Cannelloni family 123 00:14:01,076 --> 00:14:06,117 was the richest and most powerful family of all the families. 124 00:14:06,785 --> 00:14:11,450 We controlled drugs, prostitution, extortion, 125 00:14:12,035 --> 00:14:15,784 prostitution, gambling... - Eh. 126 00:14:16,118 --> 00:14:18,950 You said "prostitution" twice. 127 00:14:19,076 --> 00:14:21,825 Well, I like it. And now... 128 00:14:22,285 --> 00:14:26,534 ...the Rigatonis, the Tortellinis, the Fettucinis... 129 00:14:27,118 --> 00:14:30,784 ...and even the Raviolis are bigger than we are. 130 00:14:32,201 --> 00:14:33,409 And why? 131 00:14:34,035 --> 00:14:40,034 High interest rates? - Acid rain? - Japanese imports? 132 00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:47,784 None of the above. 133 00:14:48,576 --> 00:14:51,450 No... No... No. 134 00:14:51,660 --> 00:14:53,575 You I'm not even gonna answer. 135 00:14:54,118 --> 00:14:58,159 Gee boss, if I knew there was gonna be a test I... I would have studied. 136 00:14:58,785 --> 00:15:02,409 When I passed on the powers of the Don... 137 00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:05,034 ...to my son Don, 138 00:15:05,201 --> 00:15:08,075 making him Don Don, 139 00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:10,409 I had high hopes for him. 140 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,367 And what has he done? He has only brought us disgrace... 141 00:15:15,618 --> 00:15:17,784 ...and shame. 142 00:15:20,076 --> 00:15:22,117 Wait a minute... 143 00:15:24,576 --> 00:15:27,075 This cat is dead. 144 00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:31,617 Get me a new cat. 145 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,784 Oh God... 146 00:15:37,410 --> 00:15:40,034 The cat could have been a contender. 147 00:15:40,285 --> 00:15:42,617 I should have thought... Thank you. 148 00:15:44,035 --> 00:15:47,159 It's a tabby. Very nice. 149 00:15:49,535 --> 00:15:51,325 It's a boy. 150 00:15:55,868 --> 00:16:00,534 Boys, go to Vegas. Lean on Don. 151 00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:05,784 Don Don. - Hm? - We're here to straighten out your affairs. 152 00:16:06,451 --> 00:16:09,075 What are your assets? 153 00:16:10,326 --> 00:16:14,200 Well, I'm good-natured and I dress well. And some people think... 154 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:20,325 What about your liabilities? - Well, there is... 155 00:16:20,451 --> 00:16:22,784 ...one smalI liability. 156 00:16:23,035 --> 00:16:24,117 What? 157 00:16:24,576 --> 00:16:27,409 Well... I could use a tummy tuck. 158 00:16:27,868 --> 00:16:30,200 A tummy tuck? A tummy tuck?! 159 00:16:32,035 --> 00:16:35,200 I'll kill him... I'll kill him. - Calm yourself. - I'Il kill him. 160 00:16:36,285 --> 00:16:40,075 Don Don, do you have any outstanding markers? 161 00:16:40,535 --> 00:16:43,534 Look in the in-box. - Look in the in-box. 162 00:16:45,868 --> 00:16:50,284 30,000... It's not too outstanding, but it's a start. 163 00:16:52,451 --> 00:16:56,409 Fenderbaum? - Hm. - Fenderbaum... 164 00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:05,284 You better call Jim and tell him where his car is. - Me? I called last time. You call Jim. 165 00:17:10,368 --> 00:17:13,534 Well, hi there! - Hi! Could I help you girls? 166 00:17:14,035 --> 00:17:17,784 This thing's stuck. - Oh yeah. Yeah. 167 00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:21,867 Take a hike, Mike. - Yeah, get lost. 168 00:17:26,535 --> 00:17:31,034 Ugh. What a jerk! - Okay. What are we gonna do? Marcie, hey. 169 00:17:31,285 --> 00:17:35,034 Hey, honey. Right here, yeah. Come on here, baby. 170 00:17:35,285 --> 00:17:37,200 Hi, sugar. 171 00:17:40,118 --> 00:17:43,325 You girls all right? - Could be. 172 00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:46,075 This is a beauty. Doesn't sound stock. 173 00:17:46,285 --> 00:17:50,534 It isn't. I took the six out and shoe-horned in a 383 hemi. 174 00:17:50,576 --> 00:17:54,034 It's hot, baby. - Hey, you got room for two more? 175 00:17:55,618 --> 00:17:59,367 I'm Marcie. - Yeah, and I'm Jill. - I'm George. - Let's go, Georgie. 176 00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:07,534 L.A. Tower to Japan cargo. Report to hangar three. 177 00:18:07,660 --> 00:18:09,575 Roger, Tower. 178 00:18:10,451 --> 00:18:14,075 No luck. They want us in customs. They'll impound your car for two days. 179 00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:17,409 That means, you're gonna miss the race. What do you want to do? 180 00:18:18,535 --> 00:18:20,784 Okay, down! - Okay. 181 00:18:21,285 --> 00:18:23,534 Change of plans. You're bailing out. 182 00:18:25,451 --> 00:18:27,575 Button up! - Roger. 183 00:18:29,618 --> 00:18:32,367 Battle stations! 184 00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:14,700 Okay, make us invisible. 185 00:19:59,618 --> 00:20:03,450 I know you're in there, Blake. I can hear the ice cubes. 186 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,950 This is me, Fenderbaum. So open up! 187 00:20:10,035 --> 00:20:12,325 Blake, I know you're in there! 188 00:20:29,285 --> 00:20:31,784 The Candy Man can. 189 00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:42,117 Everybody loves somebody, sometime... 190 00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:48,867 When I make a dry martini, I make a dry martini. 191 00:20:54,951 --> 00:20:58,367 There's somebody at the window. - That's just the window cleaner. 192 00:21:00,785 --> 00:21:04,409 Honey, who is it? - I don't know. There's nobody there. 193 00:21:04,826 --> 00:21:06,034 Blake! 194 00:21:07,410 --> 00:21:12,159 Open up the window! - I'll be back in a minute. Don't go away. 195 00:21:13,451 --> 00:21:15,784 I'm gonna kill him. 196 00:21:17,535 --> 00:21:20,867 There's nothing out here. - Blake! Down here! 197 00:21:24,035 --> 00:21:27,034 I don't care what it is. Not now! 198 00:21:27,076 --> 00:21:29,284 But I gotta talk to you now. 199 00:21:29,535 --> 00:21:31,575 You gotta? - Yes. 200 00:21:38,451 --> 00:21:42,075 Do you know that I'm eighteen stories above the ground? Eighteen! 201 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,284 Eighteen? - Yes, eighteen! 202 00:21:48,285 --> 00:21:50,075 Eighteen? 203 00:21:57,618 --> 00:22:00,284 You know you're the tallest short guy I've ever seen? 204 00:22:02,035 --> 00:22:05,700 Read this, will you? Just read that. That's from the Sheik. 205 00:22:06,035 --> 00:22:09,034 They're gonna start the Cannonball again. And the sheik's putting up 206 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:14,200 $1 million to the winner. And you know who the winner will be? $1 million! 207 00:22:14,868 --> 00:22:18,075 Take it easy now. No, don't come out. 208 00:22:18,285 --> 00:22:20,700 I'll come in. - Blake? 209 00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:26,784 Where are you going? - I gotta do it. It's a million dollars. 210 00:22:27,201 --> 00:22:29,325 You creep! 211 00:22:31,201 --> 00:22:36,034 Where did you get the scaffold? - Huh? I thought this was the elevator. 212 00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:52,867 I see you got my telegram, Doctor. 213 00:22:53,951 --> 00:22:56,825 Was that that yellow thing with the printing on it? 214 00:22:56,910 --> 00:23:00,784 Yes. - I got that, yes. I read that. It's uhm... 215 00:23:01,035 --> 00:23:03,700 It was... What does it say? 216 00:23:04,868 --> 00:23:07,617 It said I wish to employ your services 217 00:23:07,785 --> 00:23:11,200 to take care of my royal ulcer during the Cannonball Run. 218 00:23:12,326 --> 00:23:14,909 Do you know much about ulcers? 219 00:23:14,910 --> 00:23:18,534 Proctology's my specialty. 220 00:23:18,868 --> 00:23:21,200 I'm very probably... 221 00:23:21,576 --> 00:23:25,117 ...the world's most famous expert on ulcers. 222 00:23:26,576 --> 00:23:30,950 I should probably give you an examination right now. Open up there. 223 00:23:35,618 --> 00:23:39,284 I sterilized it. Before we go any further... 224 00:23:40,701 --> 00:23:44,825 There's the matter of my fee. We should discuss my fee... 225 00:23:47,035 --> 00:23:51,034 It's... just about that amount. 226 00:23:54,618 --> 00:23:57,575 Hey, wait a minute. You gonna drink milk? - Yeah. 227 00:23:57,701 --> 00:24:00,534 Aren't you afraid it's gonna curdle when it hits your liver? 228 00:24:00,618 --> 00:24:03,284 My liver died last year. 229 00:24:04,660 --> 00:24:09,534 Can I help you? -? - Anybody around here speak OrientaI? 230 00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:15,867 Sure. One sake coming up. 231 00:24:21,035 --> 00:24:24,784 What he said was: "Blackjack and water" 232 00:24:25,785 --> 00:24:27,534 Now! 233 00:24:29,326 --> 00:24:32,117 You got it? - Yes Sir. Coming right up. 234 00:24:34,035 --> 00:24:38,284 We'll get a nice big bottle of champagne, and then we'll go up to my place. 235 00:24:38,451 --> 00:24:40,867 Father, what are you saying? 236 00:24:41,951 --> 00:24:44,617 Didn't you ever see THORNBIRDS? 237 00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:50,367 Hey paI, I'll never get laid in this outfit. 238 00:24:50,535 --> 00:24:54,034 From now on, I'm gonna wear nothing but open collars. 239 00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:58,784 No man can live by bread alone. - I can. I love bread. 240 00:24:58,826 --> 00:25:02,409 You know, my favorite is a Parker House roll. It just is so nice. 241 00:25:02,535 --> 00:25:05,950 And then the Russian rye. You know, there's so many raisins in it that... 242 00:25:06,451 --> 00:25:09,534 I'm not talking about that. - O... Okay. 243 00:25:09,826 --> 00:25:12,700 I'm talking about women. - Women? - Women. 244 00:25:12,910 --> 00:25:17,450 I want a girl that's sensitive and vulnerable. I really... I need a girl. 245 00:25:17,910 --> 00:25:20,950 Yeah! Me too. - You? 246 00:25:21,076 --> 00:25:25,867 Sure. Hey J.J., I'm not a eunuch, you know? - Of course you're not a eunuch. 247 00:25:25,951 --> 00:25:28,409 Don't put yourself down like that. 248 00:25:28,535 --> 00:25:31,534 You have a striking resemblance to a eunuch, but you... 249 00:25:32,535 --> 00:25:36,034 I'm just kidding. You want a girl? You can have one of my girls. 250 00:25:36,118 --> 00:25:39,450 I couldn't take one of your girls. - Oh, you can. - Well, maybe just one. 251 00:25:39,618 --> 00:25:41,409 To clear up my complexion. 252 00:25:44,076 --> 00:25:47,284 So tomorrow... - Tomorrow. - ... we turn over a new leaf. - A new leaf. 253 00:25:47,576 --> 00:25:50,450 Up and clean! - Up and clean. 254 00:25:53,535 --> 00:25:56,034 And tonight... down and dirty. 255 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,575 Hi J.J.! - Hi! Are you guys doing anything tonight? 256 00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:05,450 Not now. - Let's go somewhere and talk about customs and camshafts. 257 00:26:05,535 --> 00:26:07,784 Coming, J.J.! 258 00:26:23,660 --> 00:26:27,450 Do we still owe Don Don $30,000? 259 00:26:28,118 --> 00:26:30,325 Did you pay him? - No. 260 00:26:30,660 --> 00:26:33,075 Well, then we still owe him $30,000! 261 00:26:34,618 --> 00:26:37,659 Well, one of his collection men came to collect it. 262 00:26:37,868 --> 00:26:41,867 Wh... wh... where? - He's at the front door, but don't look. 263 00:26:43,868 --> 00:26:46,534 I said don't look! 264 00:26:46,785 --> 00:26:50,159 If he's at the front door, we'll go out the back door, 265 00:26:50,285 --> 00:26:53,284 since he can't be at two places at one time, right? 266 00:26:53,535 --> 00:26:56,450 That's a good suggestion. - Split city. 267 00:26:59,285 --> 00:27:02,325 We're gonna die. - Aye. 268 00:27:06,201 --> 00:27:10,117 What are they gonna do to us? - Don't know what they're gonna do to you, 269 00:27:10,285 --> 00:27:14,784 but since Mr. T. ain't here, I'm gonna be too busy lickin' their boots to see! 270 00:27:22,451 --> 00:27:25,034 The money, or I'll blow you away! 271 00:27:25,201 --> 00:27:27,409 I'll take the money. 272 00:27:29,368 --> 00:27:34,534 Listen guys, why would a couple of operators like us be in Redondo Beach 273 00:27:34,660 --> 00:27:38,367 with a bunch of hayseeds in jumpsuits? - Okay, wise guys. 274 00:27:38,535 --> 00:27:42,325 You tell us! - We're gonna race to Connecticut and the one that wins 275 00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:46,700 gets $1 million in cash! - Only a moron would back up a race like that. 276 00:27:47,785 --> 00:27:49,867 Ahh, Fenderboom, Blake! 277 00:27:50,410 --> 00:27:54,034 Good to see you! You should be sleeping at this hour. 278 00:27:54,118 --> 00:27:56,534 Remember, we leave at noon tomorrow. 279 00:28:00,326 --> 00:28:03,825 Wingtips...? Barbarians. 280 00:28:06,535 --> 00:28:10,284 Come, come! Buy yourselves a decent clothing store. 281 00:28:10,535 --> 00:28:13,534 Infidels! - That's the moron. 282 00:28:14,410 --> 00:28:18,117 You know, these liars could be telling the truth. 283 00:28:37,951 --> 00:28:40,784 Hymie Kaplan, what a surprise! 284 00:28:41,410 --> 00:28:43,950 Oh wow! You look wonderful! 285 00:28:45,035 --> 00:28:49,284 What brings you to the Pinto Ranch? Is it business or pleasure? 286 00:28:53,285 --> 00:28:55,534 May I have a chair? - Oh, certainly. 287 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,284 Oh, it's business. 288 00:29:03,660 --> 00:29:05,784 I just spoke to Dad, isn't that funny? 289 00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:09,575 Don. You don't mind if I call you Don Don, do you? - No, no. 290 00:29:09,660 --> 00:29:14,325 Oh good, Don Don. When your father was having a little trouble with you in Brooklyn, 291 00:29:14,451 --> 00:29:18,534 he called me and asked me for a favor. Could he send you out here to Vegas 292 00:29:18,868 --> 00:29:22,075 so that I could watch over yours. So what do I do? 293 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,784 I give you a job working at the casino. And what did you do? 294 00:29:24,910 --> 00:29:28,825 You spend all your time working on the chorus lines! - One line! 295 00:29:28,951 --> 00:29:31,617 I slept with one lousy chorus line! - Shut up! 296 00:29:33,285 --> 00:29:36,075 The second favor I do for yours: you come to me 297 00:29:36,368 --> 00:29:39,659 and I lend you the money to start this... - Hymie, 298 00:29:39,785 --> 00:29:43,034 the recession has hurt every small businessman. - Oh yeah. 299 00:29:44,660 --> 00:29:47,325 What does he owe? - As of 9:30, 300 00:29:47,535 --> 00:29:51,617 the compounded 24% interest weekly brings it to exactly 301 00:29:51,910 --> 00:29:57,117 9 million, 332 thousand, 448 dollars and 55 cents. 302 00:29:57,368 --> 00:29:59,284 Hymie, I'm doing the best I can! 303 00:29:59,576 --> 00:30:02,117 What?! I'll kill you. 304 00:30:05,201 --> 00:30:09,325 That's what's so tragic. I'm gonna do you another big favor. 305 00:30:10,035 --> 00:30:13,284 I'Il give you exactly until tomorrow to pay everything off. 306 00:30:13,368 --> 00:30:15,367 Well, it's no problem 'cause... - Shut up. 307 00:30:17,035 --> 00:30:19,700 Exactly 24 hours, Don Don. 308 00:30:19,826 --> 00:30:21,950 I mean, Dumb Dumb. 309 00:30:22,951 --> 00:30:25,450 I think I call you Dumb Dumb from now on. 310 00:30:26,201 --> 00:30:29,159 What do you think about that, chaps? 311 00:30:31,076 --> 00:30:33,700 It's very funny, boss! - It ain't funny! 312 00:30:33,826 --> 00:30:36,159 Now, I'll tell you when somethin' is funny! 313 00:30:37,826 --> 00:30:40,075 Ma๏ฟฝana, Dumb Dumb. 314 00:30:40,951 --> 00:30:42,784 Hymie, one question. 315 00:30:44,035 --> 00:30:46,367 Oh my God! 316 00:30:49,326 --> 00:30:51,409 What was the question? 317 00:30:51,785 --> 00:30:54,117 It'll keep, Hymie. 318 00:30:59,785 --> 00:31:03,367 Are you sure this guy's your uncle? - Yeah, and I told you he's your uncle too. 319 00:31:03,451 --> 00:31:06,325 Listen, I told you, don't tell me, don't explain it to me again, please. 320 00:31:07,035 --> 00:31:10,284 He's my mother's brother, who moved to California, and my mother 321 00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:13,159 is your father's sister, and you're my mother's brother's son. 322 00:31:18,910 --> 00:31:22,784 Is that our uncle? - As... as they said, he had... er... 323 00:31:22,868 --> 00:31:25,950 ...er... a white limo. I ain't seen him in 20 years. 324 00:31:26,410 --> 00:31:28,867 He's from your side of the family. 325 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,409 Uncle Cal? 326 00:31:34,868 --> 00:31:39,075 Howdy, boys! CaI's the name and cars is my game. 327 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:43,325 Got some real sweetheart for little down and 9.9% financing. 328 00:31:44,076 --> 00:31:48,867 Uncle CaI, I'm... I'm your nephew... er... Melvin from North Carolina. 329 00:31:49,285 --> 00:31:53,534 You're my brother and sister's boy? - And I'm your nephew Tony from Brooklyn. 330 00:31:53,868 --> 00:31:56,284 What pair are you out of? 331 00:31:56,535 --> 00:32:00,075 Well, it don't matter. Guess you boys are wandering about my driver? 332 00:32:02,368 --> 00:32:05,034 He sure looks a little... er... little... er... little... 333 00:32:05,451 --> 00:32:07,284 He... he's weird. 334 00:32:07,326 --> 00:32:10,075 Yeah, I mean, is it easy to get a license in this town? 335 00:32:10,201 --> 00:32:13,284 Oh, he ain't got no license! Come here. 336 00:32:14,035 --> 00:32:18,784 I do all the driving from here. He just sits there and looks like he's driving. 337 00:32:18,868 --> 00:32:21,659 It's a publicity gimmick. I got a slogan: 338 00:32:21,785 --> 00:32:25,034 "If a monkey can drive, so can you!" 339 00:32:29,118 --> 00:32:32,825 I love this boy. He's part of our family. 340 00:32:33,826 --> 00:32:36,825 Come on, son. Ain't he cute? 341 00:32:37,951 --> 00:32:41,700 Hey look. Hey, Uncle Cal. We got a real real problem. 342 00:32:41,785 --> 00:32:45,700 Hey Uncle Cal, we ain't got any money right now. We're flat broke. 343 00:32:45,785 --> 00:32:48,117 Yeah, but we need a car right away. 344 00:32:49,535 --> 00:32:53,617 What are you boys doin' out here? - Uncle Cal, we... er... we're Ca... 345 00:32:53,951 --> 00:32:56,575 We're... we're Cannon... - We are Cannonballers. 346 00:32:57,368 --> 00:33:00,534 Stop it, boy! I told you not to play with the phones. 347 00:33:02,826 --> 00:33:06,034 Damn chimp costs me $300 a month in wrong numbers. 348 00:33:07,285 --> 00:33:11,700 Hey, stop it, you primate! That's it! I've had it with you! 349 00:33:12,035 --> 00:33:15,534 Excuse me, fellas. I've gotta teach this old boy some manners. 350 00:33:16,535 --> 00:33:17,784 Son! 351 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:21,784 Now you've stepped in it! 352 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,284 Boys, I got one condition on the deal. 353 00:33:29,451 --> 00:33:34,534 I'm gonna give you the limo, but only if you take this hairy son-of-a-bitch with you! 354 00:33:39,660 --> 00:33:43,034 If he's a choreographer, I'm an aviator. - Really? 355 00:33:43,535 --> 00:33:48,325 Same old slop. Let's go to the coffee shop. - Alright. 356 00:33:48,576 --> 00:33:51,075 See you at the matinee? - Yeah. 357 00:33:52,076 --> 00:33:55,325 If I have to sing "Sound of music" one more time, I'm gonna croak! 358 00:33:55,410 --> 00:33:59,284 I'm so sick of the Crap family, I'm gonna scream! 359 00:34:02,868 --> 00:34:06,117 Oh, it's so crowded. - Why do we eat here at all? 360 00:34:06,951 --> 00:34:10,075 Here Sisters, take this table. We're finished. - Oh, thank you. 361 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:14,325 Very generous and very sweet of you. Bless you. Awfully nice of you. 362 00:34:19,576 --> 00:34:22,825 I tell you, I'm sick of coffee shops, I'm sick of the show. 363 00:34:23,118 --> 00:34:25,617 I'm sick of show business. - Betty, look at it this way: 364 00:34:25,701 --> 00:34:29,367 It's a stepping stone to Broadway. - I'm getting out while I'm at the bottom. 365 00:34:29,451 --> 00:34:32,617 Finito, Veronica. I wanna get married, I wanna have a big house. 366 00:34:32,785 --> 00:34:35,700 I just wanna find some nice, sweet, bozo millionaire. 367 00:34:35,951 --> 00:34:38,367 You know what I'm gonna do with my half of the million? - Tell me. - Alright. 368 00:34:38,785 --> 00:34:41,534 I'm gonna buy my mom a great, big, brand new house. 369 00:34:41,868 --> 00:34:46,200 And I'm gonna buy my nephew a pony. And I will get the kid a shovel, 370 00:34:46,326 --> 00:34:50,534 because ponies... - I tell you somethin' - J.J., what are you gonna do with yours? 371 00:34:50,576 --> 00:34:53,325 My money's gonna be gone, before I even get to the car. - Really? 372 00:34:55,118 --> 00:34:58,950 Come on, let's go introduce ourselves. - Are you crazy? 373 00:34:59,451 --> 00:35:02,200 Oh my God! - For Jesus Christ! 374 00:35:06,951 --> 00:35:11,909 Excuse us gentlemen, but we have just spilled coffee all over the table. 375 00:35:12,035 --> 00:35:14,659 Would you mind, if we sat with you? - Sit with us? 376 00:35:14,785 --> 00:35:18,534 You wanna join us? - Oh no, don't get up. - Sure. - Boy-nun, boy-nun. 377 00:35:19,451 --> 00:35:22,200 Boy-nun, boy-nun? - Thank you, Sir. 378 00:35:22,410 --> 00:35:25,284 J.J., they're gonna join us. - Yeah. - Thank you. 379 00:35:25,368 --> 00:35:27,784 I'm Sister Veronica. - And I'm Sister Betty. 380 00:35:27,951 --> 00:35:31,784 How do you do? - I'm J.J. McCIure and this is Victor Prinze. 381 00:35:32,118 --> 00:35:35,075 We're partners. - Are you boys married? 382 00:35:35,535 --> 00:35:37,784 No, just partners. 383 00:35:40,035 --> 00:35:43,409 Partners? Well, sweet. - Sister Betty? 384 00:35:43,535 --> 00:35:46,284 That's correct. But we're not partners, we're Sisters. Not real sisters. 385 00:35:46,410 --> 00:35:51,825 We're just in the same order together. - So what do you gentlemen do for a living? 386 00:35:52,326 --> 00:35:54,700 We race across the country. For money. 387 00:35:54,785 --> 00:35:58,034 Oh, and we're gonna have a race today to the East Coast. 388 00:35:58,201 --> 00:36:00,575 Are you racing to Broadway? 389 00:36:02,868 --> 00:36:05,200 Connecticut. What order did you say you're from? 390 00:36:05,368 --> 00:36:07,825 Oh, actually it's just a... a bunch of girls. 391 00:36:07,951 --> 00:36:11,159 Bunch of girls? - We're affiliated together in the Order of... 392 00:36:11,410 --> 00:36:15,034 Immaculate... - ... Chastity. The Order of Immaculate Chastity. 393 00:36:15,410 --> 00:36:19,867 The Order of Immaculate Chastity. I read the Bible all the time. 394 00:36:20,035 --> 00:36:23,284 In fact, I read the Bible that was printed on the head of a pin. 395 00:36:23,535 --> 00:36:26,075 That was hard. But I never heard of the... 396 00:36:26,368 --> 00:36:29,659 Well, you have to read the New Testament. That... It's not even in the New Testament. 397 00:36:29,785 --> 00:36:32,450 It's the New... - New Wave. - Aha! 398 00:36:32,701 --> 00:36:35,784 New... New Test... very progressive Testament. - We'll try to catch it. 399 00:36:36,785 --> 00:36:39,075 We have holy work to do. Let's go. 400 00:36:39,410 --> 00:36:41,784 Okay. Well, maybe some other time. 401 00:36:42,535 --> 00:36:47,034 At what time did you say your race is? - Noon. - At the Portofino Inn, Sister. 402 00:36:47,826 --> 00:36:50,825 Goodbye, Sister Veronica. - Come, Sister Betty. 403 00:36:51,035 --> 00:36:53,659 Nice meetin' you, Sister. - Thank you. - Bye bye. 404 00:36:53,785 --> 00:36:56,575 Come on, hurry Sister Betty, we have lots of lepers waiting. 405 00:36:58,535 --> 00:37:01,325 Don Don? - What is this now? - Everything is fine. 406 00:37:01,535 --> 00:37:05,034 What we did is, we put our heads together 407 00:37:05,326 --> 00:37:09,159 and we're gonna rip off the Arab on the road during the car race. 408 00:37:09,576 --> 00:37:13,950 You put your heads together, huh? It must have sounded like a bowling alley! 409 00:37:14,368 --> 00:37:18,159 Yes, Don Don. - We need millions of dollars by... what time is it now? 410 00:37:18,285 --> 00:37:20,367 Oh my God! By tomorrow! 411 00:37:20,868 --> 00:37:24,117 If we can get the sheik, we got the money. 412 00:37:24,410 --> 00:37:27,950 He wants us to rip off the Arab and then kidnap him. 413 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:32,284 What for? - What for?! Ransom, you idiots! Ransom. 414 00:37:32,326 --> 00:37:34,450 R- A-N-S-U-M! Ransom! 415 00:37:34,701 --> 00:37:37,617 Understand, you imbeciles? - You got it. Please calm yourself. 416 00:37:37,785 --> 00:37:39,784 Tell this to Hymie! - Okay, have a nice day. 417 00:38:25,910 --> 00:38:30,867 J.J., is that legal? Both of them? At the same time? 418 00:38:34,201 --> 00:38:37,950 J.J., you're bad. Hi Jill, Hi Marcie! 419 00:38:38,368 --> 00:38:40,534 Cute car! 420 00:38:41,368 --> 00:38:44,909 Imagine the stories J.J.'s making up about last night. 421 00:38:45,035 --> 00:38:49,450 He's driving poor Victor crazy. - Yeah. Poor Victor's buying every word of it. 422 00:38:49,826 --> 00:38:52,617 Well, what he doesn't know ain't gonna hurt us. - Never has. 423 00:38:53,076 --> 00:38:55,825 Let's check out our competition. - Alright. 424 00:38:57,785 --> 00:39:00,700 Well, you look great. You really do. You look real sexy! 425 00:39:00,868 --> 00:39:02,325 Sexy? 426 00:39:04,410 --> 00:39:09,075 You look... - And I look like a turd. - No, you don't. - J.J., what am I supposed to be? 427 00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,575 You're a career army man. 428 00:39:13,201 --> 00:39:15,534 Forty years in the army, the backbone of the army! 429 00:39:15,660 --> 00:39:17,617 Alright! - Alright. - Man. 430 00:39:18,285 --> 00:39:22,034 Wish I had a medal. - You want a medal? - Well, I'd like to have a medal. 431 00:39:22,785 --> 00:39:25,825 Take one. - Oh, no. - Take one, you're my friend. - I couldn't take 432 00:39:25,910 --> 00:39:29,159 one of your medals. I couldn't do it. - Take anyone you like. I love you. 433 00:39:29,285 --> 00:39:30,909 Okay. 434 00:39:31,201 --> 00:39:33,700 This is a nice one right here. - That one. - Thanks. 435 00:39:33,826 --> 00:39:35,950 Oh, this is really swell. 436 00:39:36,785 --> 00:39:39,784 The Congressional Medal of Honor. Thank you very much! 437 00:39:40,410 --> 00:39:42,534 That's really nice. 438 00:39:42,826 --> 00:39:48,034 Oh boy... Oh, and it's so shiny. I'm real glad. I love it. 439 00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,659 Oh, look, J.J. - Ah. - Good morning. - Good morning. 440 00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:55,575 General? Are you a General? GeneraI J.J. McClure. 441 00:39:55,826 --> 00:39:58,825 Oh, you're a private. - National Guard. - Listen... 442 00:39:58,951 --> 00:40:01,909 The Lord asks a favor and we ask a favor of you. 443 00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:06,325 We have an emergency in New York and it's very important that we get there. 444 00:40:06,701 --> 00:40:10,325 And we've lost our means of transportation. - And our vows of poverty 445 00:40:10,410 --> 00:40:14,450 prevent us from traveling commercially. Could we go along with you? 446 00:40:14,868 --> 00:40:17,575 We only have 48 hours to get there, you see. Otherwise... 447 00:40:18,285 --> 00:40:20,825 ...the lepers might cause a panic. 448 00:40:21,285 --> 00:40:25,325 The lepers? - Yes. We treated lepers on Molokai, 449 00:40:25,451 --> 00:40:28,575 and now several hundred of them have made their way East to the Big Apple. 450 00:40:28,701 --> 00:40:31,034 We'd like to continue treating them. - Oh... 451 00:40:31,285 --> 00:40:33,700 Oh, sure Sister, this is gonna be swell. - Excuse me. 452 00:40:34,035 --> 00:40:37,159 Excuse me. Just one minute. - What? - Come here. 453 00:40:37,951 --> 00:40:40,534 What? - How could you tell 'em "The Big Apple"?! 454 00:40:41,118 --> 00:40:44,867 The lepers? Big Apple? - WelI, The Big Apple is New York, J.J. 455 00:40:45,035 --> 00:40:47,575 I know that. - And I didn't even know they had lepers there. 456 00:40:47,701 --> 00:40:50,575 Listen to me. We can't take nuns along. - Oh please. - No! 457 00:40:50,660 --> 00:40:53,450 What, if we're driving along and I see a pretty girl hitchhiking? 458 00:40:53,576 --> 00:40:56,617 She wants to get in the car, a little action? And we got nuns along? 459 00:40:56,701 --> 00:40:59,909 I'm good, but I'm not that good. - Listen, if we take these nuns 460 00:41:00,035 --> 00:41:02,284 I bet that God will be our co-pilot. 461 00:41:02,535 --> 00:41:03,700 Well... 462 00:41:08,410 --> 00:41:09,950 Why not? - Oh, J.J. 463 00:41:10,826 --> 00:41:14,284 You can come along. - Oh, bless you, my son. 464 00:41:14,410 --> 00:41:17,659 Oh, J.J. You'll get your reward in heaven. - I don't wanna wait that long. 465 00:41:19,035 --> 00:41:22,534 Snappy bags, huh? - It's purple for Lent. - Ah. Good. 466 00:41:23,326 --> 00:41:27,409 I should tell you something. When we're gonna be in the car, it'll be kind of cramped. 467 00:41:28,035 --> 00:41:31,075 It'll be alright? - Of course. - It'll be alright. 468 00:41:32,035 --> 00:41:36,284 My Milly took a vow of chastity. She had headaches alI the time. 469 00:41:38,535 --> 00:41:40,700 Well, well, well... 470 00:41:40,910 --> 00:41:45,534 Look who we have here. General Patton... and General Admission. 471 00:41:48,201 --> 00:41:52,325 Heckle and Jeckle dressed as cops. Gotta arrest their minds for vagrancy. 472 00:41:52,785 --> 00:41:56,409 Any problems, officers? - Are you kidding, Ladies? 473 00:41:56,535 --> 00:42:00,575 I might as well tell you something. We tried it at the last race, dressed like priests. 474 00:42:00,701 --> 00:42:03,784 We didn't win. It didn't help us and it ain't gonna help you. 475 00:42:05,451 --> 00:42:08,909 Now, as a law enforcement officer I exercise my rights 476 00:42:09,035 --> 00:42:13,200 to take these two young ladies and submit them to a very nice long 477 00:42:13,410 --> 00:42:16,784 and thorough body search. - Shame on you! - Listen. 478 00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:21,784 These are reaI nuns. This is not a Halloween party. Have a little respect. 479 00:42:23,326 --> 00:42:25,825 I'm up to here with you. 480 00:42:43,368 --> 00:42:44,450 You're sick. 481 00:42:45,035 --> 00:42:48,450 Gather around, look this way. Fenderboom, Blake, J.J., Victor... 482 00:42:49,618 --> 00:42:52,617 Fellow Cannonballers, give me your attention. 483 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,617 Allah came to me one night and said: 484 00:42:55,701 --> 00:42:58,325 "Falafel, be a sport!" 485 00:42:58,660 --> 00:43:01,534 "Spread the wealth before Khomeini gets it all. " 486 00:43:03,076 --> 00:43:06,784 Please, please... The important thing to know is 487 00:43:07,368 --> 00:43:14,284 that I personally am donating the purse of $1 million to the winner! 488 00:43:23,285 --> 00:43:28,409 Remember the golden rule: He who has the gold makes the rules. 489 00:43:28,701 --> 00:43:30,825 I go first. 490 00:43:32,826 --> 00:43:36,450 General, will this trip be dangerous? - Oh, I don't think dangerous, Sister. 491 00:43:36,576 --> 00:43:39,075 Maybe exciting, but... 492 00:43:41,660 --> 00:43:44,867 Hello everyone... Good to see you again. 493 00:43:45,451 --> 00:43:49,867 J.J., I shall endeavor to get you the win. Throw the little nuns in the car... 494 00:43:49,951 --> 00:43:52,825 ...and let's be off! - Does your friend have an identity problem? 495 00:43:53,535 --> 00:43:55,909 No problem and no time, Sister. 496 00:43:57,326 --> 00:44:00,534 General, you should be in the back. Sister Betty, up front with me. 497 00:44:00,785 --> 00:44:02,450 Boy-nun, boy-nun. 498 00:44:04,451 --> 00:44:07,367 Isn't he adorable? - I heard that. 499 00:44:10,285 --> 00:44:12,034 The jury's still out on that. 500 00:44:12,451 --> 00:44:17,200 Here is to good luck. May it all be mine! 501 00:45:59,035 --> 00:46:01,700 I don't understand this, Tony. 502 00:46:02,076 --> 00:46:06,284 For the last time: I hit the back of the Arab's car, 503 00:46:06,826 --> 00:46:10,284 push a button, presto. These things clamp onto the bumper. 504 00:46:10,868 --> 00:46:14,700 Then I step on the brakes. We stop, get out of the car, 505 00:46:14,826 --> 00:46:18,825 and snatch him... Now do you understand? 506 00:46:21,410 --> 00:46:22,825 Yeah... 507 00:46:42,868 --> 00:46:46,784 Attention: Smokey in pursuit. - O-oh, trouble. 508 00:46:50,035 --> 00:46:53,784 Well, do something high-tech. - Smokey... gaining. 509 00:46:56,535 --> 00:46:58,325 Afterburner... ready. 510 00:47:09,326 --> 00:47:12,159 Boy, that's what I call a high-tech! 511 00:47:19,035 --> 00:47:23,950 Here they come. - Still seems complicated, Tony. 512 00:47:24,326 --> 00:47:28,700 It's a piece of cake. I just speed up and I get to his back bumper. 513 00:47:29,076 --> 00:47:31,034 Here we go. Get ready. Easing up. 514 00:47:31,410 --> 00:47:33,867 Now don't blow it. Just hit the button. 515 00:47:34,118 --> 00:47:38,159 Easing up. Easing up. Now! Now! 516 00:47:38,951 --> 00:47:43,034 You're not holding the wheel steady, Tony. - Hey, you wanna drive? 517 00:47:43,785 --> 00:47:45,200 Hit it! 518 00:47:47,368 --> 00:47:51,284 Nothing can separate us now. Nothing! - Nothing! 519 00:47:59,410 --> 00:48:03,284 Maybe it only works on American cars, eh Tony? 520 00:48:16,576 --> 00:48:18,617 Oh, how sweet. 521 00:48:35,368 --> 00:48:37,450 Can I help you, ma'am? 522 00:48:42,035 --> 00:48:46,284 Aren't we going above the speed limit? - Yes, 110, Sister Betty. 523 00:48:49,285 --> 00:48:52,284 Oh, this is exciting! - Are you blessing my leg? 524 00:48:53,410 --> 00:48:54,617 Yeah. 525 00:48:57,826 --> 00:49:00,117 Keep blessing, Sister! 526 00:49:04,410 --> 00:49:08,075 We just passed this police car. - That's alright. We pass 'em all the time. 527 00:49:08,535 --> 00:49:13,117 Sarge, are we doin' 80? - Yeah, we sure are! 528 00:49:13,285 --> 00:49:17,075 Did they just pass us like we were standing still? - Let me tell you what to do, son. 529 00:49:17,451 --> 00:49:22,325 Buckle up. You're taking part in your first high-speed pursuit and capture! 530 00:49:24,868 --> 00:49:29,784 It's following us. The police car's following us. - Probably recognized me. 531 00:49:37,035 --> 00:49:40,075 What? - I mean, it's not my life style. 532 00:49:40,201 --> 00:49:41,659 I don't... - No, you're fine. 533 00:49:44,326 --> 00:49:48,284 You're shaking. I'll hold your hand. - Oh, thank you, thank you. 534 00:49:48,451 --> 00:49:51,659 Oh, they're so warm. - J.J. is the warmest! 535 00:49:52,035 --> 00:49:56,575 Sister Betty, he has such warm skin! - He has such warm skin? 536 00:49:57,118 --> 00:49:59,159 You should feel the heater up here. 537 00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,617 Noticed how I took that last curve? High and wide, straight through the apex. 538 00:50:04,701 --> 00:50:07,534 Pick up about 15 mph more coming out. 539 00:50:25,951 --> 00:50:28,367 What are you writin'? - The accident report. 540 00:50:32,576 --> 00:50:33,534 Damn! 541 00:50:34,285 --> 00:50:37,950 Tony, are you sure about this? - Stop complaining! 542 00:50:38,076 --> 00:50:42,367 Statistics proof flying is safer than driving. - Is that right? 543 00:50:46,326 --> 00:50:51,575 Sideward and rearward maneuvering is accomplished by... 544 00:50:52,826 --> 00:50:56,284 Oh, am I mad at you! You told me you could fly this thing. 545 00:50:56,410 --> 00:50:59,534 We almost got killed three times already! 546 00:51:02,451 --> 00:51:06,325 Will you shut up an read the instructions?! Or we'll be killed for the last time! 547 00:51:06,451 --> 00:51:09,575 You're getting me crazy. This thing can not fly by itself! 548 00:51:27,201 --> 00:51:30,784 We're leveling out! - Alright, so we didn't crash. 549 00:51:30,868 --> 00:51:34,450 Now, explain to me about the magnet on the helicopter. - Why? 550 00:51:34,576 --> 00:51:39,034 This scheme is too complicated for me. - The alphabet is too complicated for you! 551 00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:43,867 It's simple: this magnet is powerful enough to pick a Brinks truck right off the street. 552 00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,450 Oh, a Brinks truck, huh? 553 00:51:53,618 --> 00:51:57,867 Here's your sandwich, Your Highness. - You'd better not, Your Royalship. 554 00:51:58,035 --> 00:52:01,450 That salami will kick the shit out of your ulcer! 555 00:52:05,285 --> 00:52:09,325 Wait, wait. There's the Rolls! - Ha! Good. 556 00:52:13,451 --> 00:52:17,534 This flyin' is a piece of cake! - Now that we found 'em, what do we do? 557 00:52:18,035 --> 00:52:22,034 Are you kidding? I just sneak up behind 'em. They probably won't even know I'm there. 558 00:52:22,118 --> 00:52:25,034 Then, at the right second: Zappo! We snatch 'em. 559 00:52:25,118 --> 00:52:27,534 Oh! Smart! 560 00:52:27,701 --> 00:52:32,325 Why did I ever doubt you Tony? I'm too dumb to question smart people. 561 00:52:32,701 --> 00:52:34,825 This is true. 562 00:52:35,285 --> 00:52:38,409 Tony, don't you think you're too low? - That's a negative. 563 00:52:39,326 --> 00:52:42,659 It looks a little low, Tony. - I can see it through the window, okay? 564 00:52:45,785 --> 00:52:48,325 A little bit to the left. 565 00:52:49,076 --> 00:52:52,534 A little more to the left. - How did you get here? The Tooth Fairy? 566 00:52:52,660 --> 00:52:56,200 I flew you here, shmuck! - Now, down a little. 567 00:52:56,535 --> 00:52:59,534 Hit the button on the magnet! 568 00:52:59,826 --> 00:53:03,034 I love being a gangster! 569 00:53:05,785 --> 00:53:10,534 We're on like glue. Nothing, nothing could separate us now. Nothing! 570 00:53:12,785 --> 00:53:15,284 Up, up and away! - Up, up and away. 571 00:53:17,035 --> 00:53:19,159 Listen! 572 00:53:19,285 --> 00:53:22,700 Up, up and awaaay... 573 00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:29,284 I don't know why it ain't workin'. - Could be the fan belt. 574 00:53:30,868 --> 00:53:34,409 Maybe it don't work on nothin' but Brinks trucks. 575 00:53:34,701 --> 00:53:40,284 Don't worry about it. I'll have it alI figured out in a second. 576 00:53:41,035 --> 00:53:43,200 Tony, is your seat belt on? 577 00:54:09,701 --> 00:54:14,450 Hep. Eatin' time! You feed him, and... I'll drive. 578 00:54:14,576 --> 00:54:17,409 No, no, no. It's your turn. You feed him. Come on! 579 00:54:20,618 --> 00:54:22,325 Here you go. Oh... 580 00:54:23,910 --> 00:54:29,450 Son-of-a-bitch! That son-of-a-bitch is crazy! He's got a mental case... 581 00:54:44,076 --> 00:54:48,034 Corporal. - Yes, Sir. - You're driving well. - Thank you, Sir. 582 00:54:49,826 --> 00:54:53,659 Sister Betty? You know, I was raised a Catholic and I'm really interested. 583 00:54:53,785 --> 00:54:57,284 Could you tell us more about the Order of the Immaculate Charity? 584 00:54:57,660 --> 00:55:00,075 Chastity. - Chastity! 585 00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,534 He always get those words mixed up. 586 00:55:03,660 --> 00:55:06,825 Well... I think it's time for us to get some sleep. 587 00:55:07,076 --> 00:55:11,284 Oh sure. Good. - So if you just excuse us, we'd like to have a little privacy. - Sure. 588 00:55:11,701 --> 00:55:15,575 Go ahead, there's... Just put that... - Good night. - Good night. 589 00:55:22,201 --> 00:55:26,034 Hey, am I crazy? Or are those the friendliest nuns you've ever seen? 590 00:55:26,285 --> 00:55:29,075 Isn't Sister Betty cute? - Ahh. I'd... 591 00:55:30,368 --> 00:55:32,784 I'd like to jump her bones. 592 00:55:33,076 --> 00:55:37,034 J.J., bite your tongue! - Can't help it. I'm sorry. - Aren't you ashamed? 593 00:55:37,076 --> 00:55:40,534 I would! - Oh my goodness! Why would you say such a... 594 00:55:45,660 --> 00:55:47,659 That's sacrilegious! - These are human beings. 595 00:55:47,785 --> 00:55:51,034 And I'd be very interested to know how you make out. - Huh? 596 00:55:51,660 --> 00:55:54,159 'Cause I been thinking about getting into Sister Betty's pants. 597 00:56:00,951 --> 00:56:03,117 Oh God, forgive me... 598 00:56:17,660 --> 00:56:20,700 Morning officer! Nice day, isn't it? 599 00:56:20,910 --> 00:56:24,117 Get out of the road, fat boy, before you get run over. Come on. - Okay. 600 00:56:28,618 --> 00:56:30,950 Good morning! - Goddamn! A General! 601 00:56:32,618 --> 00:56:36,825 Now, what seems to be the problem, officer? - We have speed limits in this here state. 602 00:56:37,451 --> 00:56:40,367 Even in a nuclear emergency? - What emergency? 603 00:56:41,118 --> 00:56:44,784 We can't talk about it, officer. - Let me see your driver's license. - No! 604 00:56:45,118 --> 00:56:47,867 I have radioactive breath. 605 00:56:49,201 --> 00:56:52,659 What are you boys trying to pull? - There has been a nuclear meltdown. 606 00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:55,784 We're taking some contaminated material to Connecticut. 607 00:56:55,868 --> 00:56:58,534 Why Connecticut? 608 00:56:59,576 --> 00:57:01,367 They ran out. 609 00:57:02,118 --> 00:57:03,867 Bullshit! 610 00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:08,034 Hey, uncle Hinky! - Homer! My nephew. 611 00:57:08,326 --> 00:57:11,534 We'll wait for you, Homer. - Thanks, Sir. - How you're doin', Homer? 612 00:57:11,618 --> 00:57:14,284 Goddamn, I didn't know you was coming home! - Private! 613 00:57:16,618 --> 00:57:18,575 Yes Sir, General! 614 00:57:18,785 --> 00:57:22,325 What are you doing here, son? - WelI, I had a 3-day pass to come home. 615 00:57:22,410 --> 00:57:25,950 It's the first one I had in two years. - I'm gonna commandeer you 616 00:57:26,076 --> 00:57:29,284 to drive this car to Connecticut. Get in the car, son. - Yes, Sir! 617 00:57:29,368 --> 00:57:32,950 Hold it! Ain't nobody goin' no place till I phoned this here in! 618 00:57:33,201 --> 00:57:37,617 Uncle Hinky, I gotta do what he says. He got more medals than alI at the base together. 619 00:57:37,785 --> 00:57:40,409 It don't make no difference. I phone it in anyway. 620 00:57:42,535 --> 00:57:45,367 Good morning, officer. - Sweet Jesus! 621 00:57:45,701 --> 00:57:48,075 General, why are we stopping? - I'm sorry, Sister. 622 00:57:48,201 --> 00:57:51,034 I was just explaining to the sheriff the purpose of my mission. 623 00:57:51,660 --> 00:57:55,159 You carry nuns with you? - In case we don't... 624 00:57:55,285 --> 00:57:57,784 ...make it, you know? - Oh, really? 625 00:57:58,326 --> 00:58:01,617 There's a higher purpose involved, officer. Only the Lord knows what it is. 626 00:58:02,368 --> 00:58:05,784 The safety of our nation depends on the speed of our mission. 627 00:58:06,618 --> 00:58:08,784 Wow! Praise the Lord! 628 00:58:08,868 --> 00:58:13,409 Well, in that case I'll give you a police escort alI the way to the county line. 629 00:58:13,535 --> 00:58:15,159 Bless you. - Sheriff... 630 00:58:15,285 --> 00:58:18,159 I just want you to know something: America needs your help! 631 00:58:18,285 --> 00:58:22,034 There are two communists disguised as policemen chasing us in a red Corvette. 632 00:58:22,451 --> 00:58:24,909 Commies! - No shit? 633 00:58:25,660 --> 00:58:27,659 No shit. 634 00:58:29,076 --> 00:58:32,617 Now, don't go arguing with me! I've got it straight from the General! 635 00:58:32,785 --> 00:58:36,784 There are two communists dressed up as policemen in a red Corvette... 636 00:58:36,868 --> 00:58:39,867 ...trying to steal our nuclear shit! Shoot 'em! 637 00:58:40,035 --> 00:58:43,325 The fate of the country depends on it, do you hear me? 638 00:58:45,701 --> 00:58:49,034 Headquarters, this is units 2 and 5 eastbound on Highway 10. 639 00:58:49,285 --> 00:58:51,950 We got those commies in our sights. - Commies? 640 00:58:52,785 --> 00:58:55,950 Now, I been called a lot of things but I ain't never been called no commie. 641 00:58:56,535 --> 00:59:02,534 I ain't even a Democrat. - You can inform the GeneraI they're as good as caught. 642 00:59:04,701 --> 00:59:06,617 The General... General!? 643 00:59:08,076 --> 00:59:12,034 J.J! That son-of-a-bitch! 644 00:59:21,910 --> 00:59:25,075 Good, Blake. But not good enough! 645 00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:28,950 This is 2 and 5 again. We're now westbound on Highway 10. 646 00:59:29,035 --> 00:59:32,450 This is the Captain. I want those two foreigners brought in. 647 00:59:33,076 --> 00:59:35,867 Dead or alive. - Don't you worry about it. 648 00:59:36,035 --> 00:59:39,200 You know what I'm gonna do? - What? - I'm gonna turn this car around 649 00:59:39,285 --> 00:59:43,075 and I am gonna block the whole highway sideways. 650 00:59:43,201 --> 00:59:46,784 And when they come they have a choice: either to ditch it 651 00:59:47,035 --> 00:59:49,784 or ram right straight into us! 652 00:59:50,451 --> 00:59:54,534 Just ditch it or... ram straight into us? - Yeah! 653 01:00:11,785 --> 01:00:15,534 Get outta here with these bananas! I don't want the bananas! 654 01:00:17,201 --> 01:00:20,534 This is humiliating as hell... er... sittin' up here! 655 01:00:20,660 --> 01:00:26,117 Well, it's no picnic being back here! Wacked-out monkey! 656 01:00:28,785 --> 01:00:31,075 Stop it! Well, keep your hands off me, monkey! 657 01:00:40,701 --> 01:00:43,450 What are you doing up here? - Man, it's safer. 658 01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:47,200 Well, who's drivin'? - He is. 659 01:00:59,326 --> 01:01:04,034 Would you boys like to stay for dinner? I just made noodle soup. 660 01:01:13,118 --> 01:01:16,159 Note, Blake. General Patton's car. 661 01:01:16,535 --> 01:01:18,950 Is the blimp driving? 662 01:01:19,035 --> 01:01:21,867 No. It's the General. 663 01:01:22,201 --> 01:01:24,284 The General, huh? Ha! 664 01:01:24,368 --> 01:01:28,075 Oh, I'm gonna make a private out of him! 665 01:01:35,868 --> 01:01:40,034 It's money in the bank. A million bucks! 666 01:01:44,910 --> 01:01:48,867 Oh, come on! It'll be a weekend you'll never forget. 667 01:01:49,285 --> 01:01:51,909 All three of us? - Yep. 668 01:01:52,826 --> 01:01:56,575 It's gonna be a weekend you can tell your kids about... if they're all boys. 669 01:01:57,118 --> 01:02:01,534 Look, you guys thrashed this gull-wing out. I didn't even pay for that one yet. 670 01:02:01,660 --> 01:02:05,534 Listen, baby. We're gonna be as gentle with that car as we're gonna be with you. 671 01:02:05,785 --> 01:02:08,367 Real sound. Come on, what you say? 672 01:02:12,451 --> 01:02:14,284 Okay. - Alright. - Okay. 673 01:02:14,451 --> 01:02:19,034 The keys are in the car, but hurry back. My friends aren't gonna believe this! 674 01:02:19,451 --> 01:02:21,909 Know what? You just bring them too. - Really? 675 01:02:22,118 --> 01:02:24,200 Sure. And don't forget your camera. 676 01:02:24,618 --> 01:02:26,450 Really? 677 01:02:31,785 --> 01:02:35,784 You got a full tank of gas in here? - Please, be carefuI with it. Please! 678 01:02:37,410 --> 01:02:39,284 (I'll be real gentle) 679 01:03:09,826 --> 01:03:12,325 What do you want, Ching-Chong man? 680 01:03:22,035 --> 01:03:25,534 Help? Gee, there's only a dozen of 'em. By the way, can you split that for me? 681 01:03:28,785 --> 01:03:30,284 Thank you. 682 01:03:49,035 --> 01:03:50,825 I'll be there in a minute! 683 01:04:14,410 --> 01:04:19,284 That was wonderful. You're great. Can you stay for dinner and meet my parents? 684 01:04:21,535 --> 01:04:24,159 That was so great! What's your name? 685 01:04:25,285 --> 01:04:28,284 Hey, we got a race to finish. A million bucks! 686 01:04:30,785 --> 01:04:32,575 He can stay for dinner, too! 687 01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:39,075 Dammit! The race is gonna be over, if they don't get their buns out here soon. 688 01:04:43,285 --> 01:04:46,200 Golly! They changed their clothes. 689 01:04:48,785 --> 01:04:52,117 You think we've gone too far? - Probably. 690 01:04:54,660 --> 01:04:57,034 Let's go for it. 691 01:04:57,285 --> 01:05:00,825 You know, General? I bet this mission is so secret you had 'em do this 692 01:05:00,951 --> 01:05:03,367 so Russian spies wouldn't recognize 'em. 693 01:05:11,076 --> 01:05:13,534 We got a six-pack and some chilli-dogs for the trip. 694 01:05:15,035 --> 01:05:18,284 I got one for you and on for... "him". 695 01:05:30,660 --> 01:05:33,325 You've adapted to civilian life very well. 696 01:05:37,035 --> 01:05:41,534 Oh my God! Private... Walk this way. 697 01:05:44,368 --> 01:05:46,325 Nuns, huh? 698 01:05:49,285 --> 01:05:53,034 Get in the car. - Yes, General. 699 01:06:13,451 --> 01:06:17,409 Put that away! You ain't gonna use it! 700 01:06:23,035 --> 01:06:25,367 To your right, Highness. To your right. 701 01:06:27,660 --> 01:06:31,325 As soon as this cable rips up the Rolls... 702 01:06:31,910 --> 01:06:34,700 ...you grab the money... - I grab the money? 703 01:06:34,826 --> 01:06:37,409 ...and I grab the sheik or what's left of 'em... 704 01:06:37,701 --> 01:06:39,950 ...and we head back to Vegas. - Vegas?! 705 01:06:42,160 --> 01:06:45,117 Prince Falafel! Buy what? 706 01:06:46,868 --> 01:06:49,117 Nimitz? What's a Nimitz? 707 01:06:50,701 --> 01:06:53,284 The U.S.S. Nimitz, ah! 708 01:06:53,368 --> 01:06:57,034 I want to buy it! I want to land my 747s on it! 709 01:06:58,035 --> 01:07:01,200 I don't care what it costs. How much? 710 01:07:01,451 --> 01:07:04,950 Feelin' better now, aren't you? - I can't hear you! Talk louder! 711 01:07:05,076 --> 01:07:08,659 I said, you're feeling better now, aren't you?! - Yes, a thousand thanks! 712 01:07:08,785 --> 01:07:11,367 No problem! Buy! - Bye. 713 01:07:22,701 --> 01:07:25,075 Tighten it up, they're coming! - I tighten it! - Tighter! 714 01:07:25,826 --> 01:07:28,534 Come. Hurry. Here it comes! 715 01:07:45,201 --> 01:07:48,325 WelI yeah, you get what you pay for. - Oh, dammit! 716 01:07:48,785 --> 01:07:51,367 What now? - I don't know! 717 01:07:53,285 --> 01:07:56,367 Well, get out and start smiling. - Yeah, right. 718 01:08:11,660 --> 01:08:14,034 Don't blame me! I didn't do nothin'! 719 01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,034 Me neither. I'm just followin' orders. 720 01:08:30,785 --> 01:08:35,034 We were turning about 8 grand when the gages lit up like a pinball machine. 721 01:08:35,451 --> 01:08:38,325 Yeah, so we propped the hood and there's oil leaking. 722 01:08:39,576 --> 01:08:44,534 Right here. - Does it look bad? - Not from where I'm standing. 723 01:08:44,826 --> 01:08:49,450 Oh, can you fix it then? - Honey, I got a tool that'll fix anything! 724 01:08:51,535 --> 01:08:53,284 Oh, yeah? 725 01:09:07,118 --> 01:09:10,159 Hey, sugar? - Yeah? - What have you got under the hood? 726 01:09:10,618 --> 01:09:14,034 Alright. That's a 454, four on the floor. 727 01:09:14,701 --> 01:09:18,409 Full house, with a blower. - Yeah? - She's a sweetheart, isn't she? 728 01:09:22,076 --> 01:09:24,534 It sure is hot out here, ain't it? 729 01:09:25,035 --> 01:09:28,034 Yeah, it really is. 730 01:09:32,118 --> 01:09:35,784 Why don't you relax, sugar? Everything's gonna be just fine! 731 01:09:36,035 --> 01:09:39,075 I don't think my boss wanted this to do 120 mph. 732 01:09:39,826 --> 01:09:44,367 Well, it's doin' it! - Come on, listen. Why don't you just take me back and... 733 01:09:44,535 --> 01:09:47,784 My... Just take me back to my boss... Oh jeez, am I gonna get it! 734 01:09:54,285 --> 01:09:57,659 What the heck! It's only a job. Let's go! 735 01:09:58,701 --> 01:10:01,284 And it's gonna be a weekend you'll never forget. 736 01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:14,325 Attention... Smokie in pursuit. Attention... Smokie in... 737 01:10:14,410 --> 01:10:16,409 Battle stations! 738 01:10:17,868 --> 01:10:20,534 Afterburner. - Roger! 739 01:10:22,201 --> 01:10:25,450 Afterburner ready... 3, 2, 1... 740 01:10:25,535 --> 01:10:27,409 Ignition! 741 01:10:37,785 --> 01:10:40,534 Turn it off! -? - Turn it off! 742 01:10:42,285 --> 01:10:45,159 Prepare to crash dive! 743 01:11:00,868 --> 01:11:03,075 We just lost it. 744 01:11:20,660 --> 01:11:23,284 Look, beer cans! - Underwear? 745 01:11:23,535 --> 01:11:26,659 Now let's give 'em the oil slick. - Yes, man. 746 01:11:31,660 --> 01:11:34,784 Oil slick... Sorry, fellas. 747 01:11:35,410 --> 01:11:38,700 We're just doin' our job. - Yes, sorry. 748 01:11:40,076 --> 01:11:42,367 Attention... enemy astern. 749 01:11:42,701 --> 01:11:46,034 Let's see what's happening. Up the scope. - Okay. 750 01:12:03,118 --> 01:12:06,617 Quiet, please. - Stand by for depth charge attack. 751 01:12:16,410 --> 01:12:20,325 Come on. Catch one. Pay attention! - We've been coming here for five years! 752 01:12:20,451 --> 01:12:24,284 Five years! - Without a fish. - A big one's out there for you, boys. - You're sure? 753 01:12:24,326 --> 01:12:28,659 Darn right! I saw him jump the other day. I took a picture, while it was in the air. 754 01:12:29,285 --> 01:12:31,659 Picture weighed 13 and a half pounds! 755 01:12:32,701 --> 01:12:35,034 I really don't like this guy! 756 01:12:43,535 --> 01:12:45,700 Forward all engines. 757 01:13:03,910 --> 01:13:06,534 Come on, just pay attention to what you're doing. 758 01:13:12,951 --> 01:13:15,200 All ahead full. 759 01:13:19,285 --> 01:13:21,034 Let him go! - No! 760 01:13:21,285 --> 01:13:24,409 We've caught ourselves a Moby Dick! 761 01:13:25,285 --> 01:13:27,450 God damn, we're going with him! 762 01:13:34,910 --> 01:13:39,534 And you haven't seen your family in 2 years? - No, but I'm not complaining. Duty calls. 763 01:13:40,535 --> 01:13:44,034 GeneraI? - What? - How long do you think the national emergency 764 01:13:44,118 --> 01:13:47,075 will require the services of Pvt. Lyle here, Sir? 765 01:13:48,076 --> 01:13:50,784 I don't know. - He hasn't seen his family in 2 years. 766 01:13:51,035 --> 01:13:57,325 J.J., that is not nice. Truly isn't. - A General's work is never done. 767 01:13:58,035 --> 01:14:02,034 Private. - Yes, Sir. - I've checked the Geiger counter 768 01:14:02,701 --> 01:14:07,784 and the radioactivity seems to be dropping. I don't think we need your services anymore. 769 01:14:08,285 --> 01:14:10,784 Yes, Sir. - Pull over. - Yes, Sir. 770 01:14:32,701 --> 01:14:36,117 Pvt. Lyle, you've rendered a great service to this country. 771 01:14:36,576 --> 01:14:40,200 You make me proud to be in the same army with a man with your character. 772 01:14:41,785 --> 01:14:44,784 I'd like to present you with the Congressional Medal of Honor. 773 01:14:46,910 --> 01:14:51,200 This Congressional Medal of Honor? - That Congressional Medal of Honor. 774 01:15:01,118 --> 01:15:03,450 That's French. - I know. 775 01:15:04,326 --> 01:15:07,575 General, for the last 20 years while I was working in the motor pool 776 01:15:07,660 --> 01:15:10,950 I always knew the Good Lord's gonna give me a chance to come on a special mission 777 01:15:11,035 --> 01:15:13,825 like this, to serve my country. 778 01:15:26,910 --> 01:15:28,950 Bye, Lyle. 779 01:15:49,118 --> 01:15:52,075 And that's all you have to do, honey. - Boy, am I sick! 780 01:15:52,285 --> 01:15:56,534 I ain't never gonna fly with you again! - Will you shut up and read the instructs 781 01:15:56,576 --> 01:15:59,450 and tell me what it says about landing this thing? 782 01:16:01,785 --> 01:16:05,034 It says: lower the flaps. - Okay, then do it, quickly! 783 01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:08,075 Where are they? - Under "F", you idiot! 784 01:16:08,285 --> 01:16:11,284 Well, let's see. There's a "T" for tabs. Is that any good? 785 01:16:11,326 --> 01:16:16,034 Fantastic! Pull it! - Pull what? - Anything, dummy! - Okay, Tony! 786 01:16:35,035 --> 01:16:38,325 To look sharp... 787 01:16:38,535 --> 01:16:41,284 To feel sharp... 788 01:16:41,451 --> 01:16:43,867 I like this song so much, I bought the company. 789 01:16:48,035 --> 01:16:51,367 I don't know why everybody makes such a big deal about flying. It's a piece of cake. 790 01:16:51,701 --> 01:16:56,159 This better work, Tony. I just called Don Don, and he's really mad. 791 01:16:57,201 --> 01:16:59,409 Caesar, Caesar... 792 01:17:00,035 --> 01:17:04,409 Simplicity is the hallmark of genius. This cannot miss. 793 01:17:05,035 --> 01:17:06,534 Yeah? 794 01:17:07,410 --> 01:17:10,034 Relax, alright? 795 01:17:14,410 --> 01:17:17,534 Damn ulcer's killing me. You got anything for it? 796 01:17:18,701 --> 01:17:21,825 Charlotte russe. How delightful. 797 01:17:23,576 --> 01:17:28,117 Not exactly the Maxim's, but my compliments to the chef. 798 01:17:42,535 --> 01:17:44,575 A thousand pardons! 799 01:17:45,160 --> 01:17:51,075 I couldn't help noticing. Obviously you are a damsel in distress. 800 01:17:52,118 --> 01:17:57,575 May I be of service to you? I am the great Prince Abdul-ben Falafel, 801 01:17:57,868 --> 01:18:01,450 master of all deserts, Prince of princes, 802 01:18:02,285 --> 01:18:05,284 and one of the world's biggest... - Yoyos. 803 01:18:05,535 --> 01:18:08,200 How dare you put a gun to my head! 804 01:18:11,201 --> 01:18:14,617 As I was saying, do you come here often? 805 01:18:19,951 --> 01:18:23,450 I wish you guys would have seen us change in the bathroom, making this decision. 806 01:18:23,535 --> 01:18:28,034 Know, what she wanted to do? To put the nun's habit on and the shorts underneath. 807 01:18:28,785 --> 01:18:31,367 And she thought you wouldn't notice. - I will notice. 808 01:18:31,618 --> 01:18:35,784 Well, I just didn't want you to be upset when you found out I wasn't a nun. 809 01:18:37,368 --> 01:18:40,034 You're not? 810 01:18:41,785 --> 01:18:46,367 I'm not even a Catholic. - Well, nobody's perfect. 811 01:18:48,576 --> 01:18:51,784 May I? - Oh, I been waitin' for this. 812 01:19:04,785 --> 01:19:07,909 Sure hate to give the chauffeur a ticket. - Yeah, it's always the jerk in back 813 01:19:08,035 --> 01:19:10,950 giving the orders. - Yeah. 814 01:19:13,660 --> 01:19:15,409 Pardon me, Sir, we're... 815 01:19:23,868 --> 01:19:27,284 You know what that is, back there? - Damn right! It's a chimp! 816 01:19:27,910 --> 01:19:31,784 Listen to me. See that dark glass? Don't look! 817 01:19:32,285 --> 01:19:34,950 You know who's behind that glass filming us? 818 01:19:35,160 --> 01:19:37,784 Allen Funt. We're on "Candid Camera"! 819 01:19:38,035 --> 01:19:40,284 Come on, it's our chance! Come on! 820 01:19:41,576 --> 01:19:44,409 Stand right here so they can see you. Stand right here. 821 01:19:45,785 --> 01:19:48,034 Pardon me, Sir. I'd like to see your license... 822 01:19:53,618 --> 01:19:57,200 Oh God, I wonder what the penalty is for assaulting a police officer. 823 01:19:57,910 --> 01:20:00,659 He's not gonna make a monkey out of me! 824 01:20:01,701 --> 01:20:03,617 You're okay? Don't make him mad! 825 01:20:09,618 --> 01:20:13,784 I'm gonna say hello to my mom. I just wondered if I could say hello to my mother? 826 01:20:19,076 --> 01:20:22,367 This is working great. Let's go sing. Come on, before they go. 827 01:20:23,451 --> 01:20:28,575 By the light of the silvery moon... 828 01:20:30,035 --> 01:20:32,367 Let's get the hell outta here! 829 01:20:34,118 --> 01:20:38,534 Hey, Mr. Funt! Aren't we supposed to sign a release? - Oh, shut up! 830 01:20:43,826 --> 01:20:47,450 Oh, listen! Look! Hold it! Look, Cannonballers ahead of us! 831 01:20:57,118 --> 01:20:59,284 Alright, what the hell happened? 832 01:20:59,535 --> 01:21:04,784 Hm, Sir. I was eating my dessert when suddenly I saw one of the cat people. 833 01:21:05,160 --> 01:21:07,659 Beautiful body was... - Now, we have a slight problem. 834 01:21:08,160 --> 01:21:11,409 Two hoods. They parted with the Sheik and the money. 835 01:21:11,660 --> 01:21:15,159 How that happen? - She was hitchhiking in a leopard coat and as we approached 836 01:21:15,326 --> 01:21:17,825 she flashed and we stopped. 837 01:21:23,951 --> 01:21:27,200 He's right. Who else knew the million was in the Sheik's trunk? 838 01:21:37,285 --> 01:21:41,784 I think you two guys have got something to tell us, right? - Right. 839 01:21:44,535 --> 01:21:47,284 J.J, let me explain to you as briefly as I can. 840 01:21:47,701 --> 01:21:52,575 Here's what happened. We owed the guys in Vegas a little chump change. Nothing really. 841 01:21:52,826 --> 01:21:55,784 So they sent down some torpedoes to collect. 842 01:21:57,660 --> 01:22:01,700 And you told 'em about the Sheik. - It was tell 'em or else. 843 01:22:02,035 --> 01:22:06,159 Who were these guys? - The Cannelloni family from Las Vegas. 844 01:22:06,285 --> 01:22:10,075 Well, hell. Let's just go get these guys. - We can't just go get these guys! 845 01:22:10,201 --> 01:22:14,784 Why? - They hold up at the Pinto Ranch, and that's guarded like Fort Knox. 846 01:22:14,826 --> 01:22:17,409 Wait a minute. Maybe "him" can get through. 847 01:22:17,618 --> 01:22:22,117 Maybe "him" can get "himself" killed and take you with "him". 848 01:22:22,826 --> 01:22:26,450 "Him" is open for other suggestions. - What's happening? What's going on here? 849 01:22:26,868 --> 01:22:32,700 Gaped at her naked body glistening in the hot sun and her sweet sweat rolling down... 850 01:22:33,326 --> 01:22:36,867 Hey, wait a minute. We'll go to the King. 851 01:22:37,326 --> 01:22:39,700 No, no. The Sheik's father hates him. 852 01:22:40,118 --> 01:22:44,034 Hey, he's not the only king. We have royalty in this country, too. 853 01:22:44,910 --> 01:22:47,159 He'll see you guys. 854 01:23:00,285 --> 01:23:02,450 Sit on this. 855 01:23:04,368 --> 01:23:09,034 How did you enjoy the Halloween party? - What a guy he is. - What a guy! 856 01:23:10,285 --> 01:23:15,159 Alright. How much this time? - Frank, you know. It's never for ourselves. 857 01:23:17,535 --> 01:23:21,117 Not this time, Frank. - And who asked you to sit down? Get up! 858 01:23:24,618 --> 01:23:26,867 Mr. Sinatra... - You may call me Frank. 859 01:23:27,576 --> 01:23:30,284 I can call him Frank. - Not yet. 860 01:23:30,451 --> 01:23:33,909 I'll let you know when you can. Not exactly now, but I'll let you know. 861 01:23:34,035 --> 01:23:36,450 What can I call you? - Call me Sir. 862 01:23:37,410 --> 01:23:43,075 Call him Sir. - I got it. Sir... We are Cannonballers. 863 01:23:43,701 --> 01:23:45,867 What? - Cannonballers. 864 01:23:47,410 --> 01:23:49,367 Oh, wait a minute... 865 01:23:49,785 --> 01:23:52,284 I've been lonely as much as you have, from time to time. 866 01:23:52,910 --> 01:23:57,284 Come on. - That's a hot one, Your Majesty. Sir. 867 01:23:58,118 --> 01:24:01,325 You see, the Cannonball is a race from California to Connecticut. 868 01:24:01,410 --> 01:24:05,034 We have lots of fun. But the Sheik... - Sheik? - Yes. 869 01:24:05,285 --> 01:24:08,700 With the blue Rolls Royce. - Who is he? Did I ever sing for him in London, you think? 870 01:24:08,868 --> 01:24:11,534 We can't even pronounce his name. You see, they kidnapped him 871 01:24:11,618 --> 01:24:15,075 and they took $1 million out of the trunk of his car. That's why we came to you. 872 01:24:15,826 --> 01:24:20,200 Why come to me? Why don't you go to the FBI? - Who taught the FBI? 873 01:24:23,618 --> 01:24:26,117 Okay, alright. Who snatched him? 874 01:24:26,451 --> 01:24:28,659 Oh, the Cannellonis. 875 01:24:31,118 --> 01:24:33,034 I got an idea. 876 01:24:33,160 --> 01:24:37,159 I got a trio that I use in my act and this bum's been trying to steal it for months. 877 01:24:40,451 --> 01:24:42,825 Dorothy, get me Don Don. 878 01:24:46,118 --> 01:24:49,617 They must be terrific for Frank to recommend them personally. 879 01:24:49,785 --> 01:24:53,700 I guarantee you have never seen anything like this in your whole... 880 01:24:53,826 --> 01:24:56,450 I'm not saying this, just because I'm their agent. 881 01:24:56,785 --> 01:25:01,159 You know, I just love auditioning new talent. I get all excited. 882 01:25:36,118 --> 01:25:39,909 Come on, what's the matter? - They are a little short on looks. 883 01:25:40,118 --> 01:25:43,700 But didn't you notice the nice unison? The way they dance? 884 01:25:59,618 --> 01:26:01,659 They're fabulous. 885 01:26:31,326 --> 01:26:34,950 Frank ain't no dummy. I can't sing... 886 01:26:35,076 --> 01:26:38,784 ...but even I can follow that act. 887 01:26:43,035 --> 01:26:44,700 Thank you. 888 01:26:53,285 --> 01:26:55,700 Girls, you're hired! You're hired, girls! You're hired! 889 01:26:56,160 --> 01:27:00,200 You all have life... lifetime contracts here at the Pinto Ranch. 890 01:27:00,535 --> 01:27:03,284 I'll just have to move someplace else... Now, girls! 891 01:27:03,660 --> 01:27:07,784 Lovely. Go to your dressing rooms and powder your noses... a lot! 892 01:27:08,035 --> 01:27:11,450 Absolutely wonderful. Frank certainly knows his stuff! Just wonderful. 893 01:27:16,201 --> 01:27:18,534 Bad news. 894 01:27:34,868 --> 01:27:39,034 Oh, girls. How do you spell Laverne? Is that one word or two? - Two. - Three. 895 01:27:40,201 --> 01:27:42,284 Oh, Hymie, what a pleasant surprise! 896 01:27:48,535 --> 01:27:51,075 Uh, what a pleasant surprise... 897 01:27:51,451 --> 01:27:55,867 Hey! I said I'd be here in 24 hours. Therefore... 898 01:27:56,368 --> 01:28:01,034 ...it ain't no surprise. And it ain't gonna be pleasant either. May I? 899 01:28:03,451 --> 01:28:05,367 Oh my God... 900 01:28:18,785 --> 01:28:22,284 What are these three bow-wows? - It's our new lounge act. 901 01:28:22,368 --> 01:28:26,284 What do they do? Scare the audience to death?... That's funny! 902 01:28:28,368 --> 01:28:30,575 Mr. Hymie? 903 01:28:32,451 --> 01:28:35,617 You girls ever hear of Nair? - We're working on it. - Huh? 904 01:28:36,160 --> 01:28:38,659 Our doctor has us on hormones. 905 01:28:39,576 --> 01:28:43,534 Well, I suggest you go for a second opinion, because I think he's over-prescribing. 906 01:28:44,285 --> 01:28:46,825 Hi, I'm Laverne. 907 01:28:53,576 --> 01:28:56,034 Get me those hormones. 908 01:28:57,576 --> 01:29:00,575 Alright, Dumb-Dumb. Where's my nine large? 909 01:29:03,285 --> 01:29:06,659 One million dollars, Hymie. And the rest is in escrow 910 01:29:06,785 --> 01:29:09,825 in a bank in downtown Las Vegas. 911 01:29:10,076 --> 01:29:14,200 I'm gonna consider this interest only, alright? 912 01:29:15,451 --> 01:29:21,825 Now, you have the principal by tomorrow, or you'll be under downtown Las Vegas. 913 01:29:24,451 --> 01:29:28,284 Girls... So long. - Bye, Mr. Hymie. 914 01:29:30,785 --> 01:29:33,784 Excuse me... You have a Ladies' restroom? 915 01:29:33,910 --> 01:29:37,325 Yes, it says "Cowgirls". It's the second door on the left. - On the left. 916 01:29:37,535 --> 01:29:42,117 Now, this is a lifetime contract, as I said. I presume they'Il have their own wardrobe? 917 01:29:46,535 --> 01:29:48,617 Tits up! - Alright. 918 01:29:51,785 --> 01:29:55,909 Mr. Hymie! - That Laverne comes near me, waste her! 919 01:29:58,285 --> 01:30:01,409 We were just wondering if you could give us a little advice on our careers. 920 01:30:01,618 --> 01:30:04,325 Oh, yeah! Get out of show business. 921 01:30:05,160 --> 01:30:06,700 Now! 922 01:30:09,535 --> 01:30:12,284 We got the money! 923 01:30:12,785 --> 01:30:15,200 Hide! Somebody's coming! 924 01:30:25,576 --> 01:30:29,450 Your purses. - Oh, good. We got the money! - Oh, let's go! - No, no! 925 01:30:30,076 --> 01:30:33,617 We gotta safe the Sheik! - Come on. - Alright. 926 01:30:37,785 --> 01:30:42,700 Hi, I was wondering if you gentlemen will be kind enough to help me with my luggage? 927 01:30:45,410 --> 01:30:47,825 Man, those three broads got a case of the uglies. 928 01:30:47,910 --> 01:30:50,325 Let the boss not hear you say that. 929 01:30:54,160 --> 01:30:57,409 It's torture, I tell you. Torture! Please. Please! 930 01:30:57,535 --> 01:31:00,200 Hey, it's got a lock on it. - Break it down. - Come on. 931 01:31:00,868 --> 01:31:03,534 Ladies, at one, two, three! 932 01:31:06,826 --> 01:31:10,409 More Ladies! My beauties, you must wait your turn. 933 01:31:10,535 --> 01:31:12,867 There is only so much water in the fountain. 934 01:31:13,576 --> 01:31:18,034 Sheik, it's us! - We're not girls! - How dare you? 935 01:31:18,076 --> 01:31:21,284 It is out of the question! Allah will only forgive so much! 936 01:31:21,410 --> 01:31:25,284 Hey Abdul, put your slipper's on. Let's get outta here. - I don't want to go! 937 01:31:26,118 --> 01:31:29,784 I've tried everything, but... - Get me out of this. - This is something. 938 01:31:29,868 --> 01:31:33,075 Can I take this with me? - Okay with me. Come, tickle! 939 01:31:34,910 --> 01:31:39,909 I'm terribly sorry. - Now, listen to me. If these three uglies get away with my million 940 01:31:40,410 --> 01:31:44,367 Dumb-Dumb, then your father's gonna owe me a big favor. You know why? 941 01:31:44,535 --> 01:31:47,534 No. - Because I'm gonna kill you. And then... 942 01:31:47,826 --> 01:31:50,409 ...he's gonna kill you. And then he's gonna kill you. 943 01:31:50,660 --> 01:31:53,867 And then he's gonna kill you! - Charmed. There's no need to worry, Hymie. 944 01:31:54,035 --> 01:31:57,075 You see, they cannot escape. There's no way out of here. 945 01:31:57,160 --> 01:31:59,784 You are totally secure! 946 01:32:01,535 --> 01:32:04,284 However, I'm very shaky. 947 01:32:09,535 --> 01:32:12,450 Open! - Oh, shit! You got the key? 948 01:32:12,660 --> 01:32:16,200 Maybe. - You ungrateful putz! - Hold it! 949 01:32:22,451 --> 01:32:24,784 The three little pigs! 950 01:32:33,368 --> 01:32:35,284 Get me somebody to hide behind! 951 01:32:38,660 --> 01:32:42,117 This is it, boys. Remember the rules... 952 01:32:42,785 --> 01:32:46,200 No rules! - You heard him. Absolutely no rules! 953 01:32:46,535 --> 01:32:50,284 I told you, there's nothing to worry about. There won't be any witnesses. 954 01:32:50,868 --> 01:32:53,117 No witnesses? 955 01:32:54,910 --> 01:32:57,367 J.J., they're all around us. I... 956 01:33:20,201 --> 01:33:22,950 My money or your life. - Money! 957 01:33:24,201 --> 01:33:27,034 He's got the money. - Ha... He's got the money. 958 01:33:28,701 --> 01:33:30,034 J.J. 959 01:33:35,576 --> 01:33:38,325 Hey, did you see that picture where the bad guys get their last request? 960 01:33:38,660 --> 01:33:42,117 Yeah. - Well, some time on the late show. - It was really a good movie. 961 01:33:43,785 --> 01:33:46,825 A last meal perhaps? You could lay a little BBQ on us. 962 01:33:46,951 --> 01:33:49,700 You know, something that you would go over the coals with? 963 01:33:50,368 --> 01:33:53,075 I'Il have some quiche. And a little chocolate mousse. 964 01:33:54,326 --> 01:33:57,117 Er, Shish kebab... No, no. Couscous. 965 01:33:58,076 --> 01:33:59,534 Friggin' chickasee? 966 01:34:01,285 --> 01:34:03,117 Chicken fricasse... 967 01:34:03,868 --> 01:34:06,200 And you? - I'd like a wine list. 968 01:34:08,076 --> 01:34:11,159 Where I'm sending you, baby, everything's on the menu. 969 01:34:30,201 --> 01:34:31,784 We're saved! 970 01:34:40,285 --> 01:34:42,284 Hey, reminds me of Brooklyn! 971 01:34:48,701 --> 01:34:50,367 Hi there! 972 01:34:58,785 --> 01:35:00,617 Surprise! 973 01:35:05,035 --> 01:35:06,784 You too! 974 01:35:08,701 --> 01:35:11,200 Any questions, boys? 975 01:35:17,368 --> 01:35:20,117 Do you mind a personal remark? - No, of course not! 976 01:35:20,285 --> 01:35:22,450 That is absolutely gorgeous! 977 01:35:24,451 --> 01:35:26,534 Hey, one's getting away! 978 01:35:28,868 --> 01:35:32,284 I got him. - I'll guard your back. Be careful and watch out! 979 01:35:32,326 --> 01:35:34,659 No problem. I'll be right back! 980 01:35:42,285 --> 01:35:44,950 You're okay? Must be a pretty tough guy up there. 981 01:35:45,076 --> 01:35:47,825 Maybe I should take care of this one. - He's all yours. 982 01:35:52,201 --> 01:35:54,617 I think, he's over his head this time. 983 01:36:09,410 --> 01:36:12,909 Hey! You look like an athlete. - Wow, thank you. I was an athlete. 984 01:36:13,035 --> 01:36:14,867 Oh yeah? - Yeah, I was... 985 01:36:16,076 --> 01:36:20,659 Oh, then you can probably handle yourself. - You're in danger. - I'll protect you, Sister. 986 01:36:21,535 --> 01:36:23,534 Four, five, six, seven... 987 01:36:24,951 --> 01:36:26,450 Next! 988 01:36:30,660 --> 01:36:33,909 Oh, don't do that to me again. This is just beautiful! 989 01:36:34,035 --> 01:36:37,075 That's European, isn't it? - But of course. - Absolutely stunning! 990 01:36:37,785 --> 01:36:39,700 That's enough. That's enough! 991 01:36:42,326 --> 01:36:44,534 A thousand thanks, Sisters! - Bless you, my friend. 992 01:36:50,326 --> 01:36:52,159 Over there! Yeah! 993 01:36:52,285 --> 01:36:55,617 Come on, you brat. You pervert! 994 01:36:55,868 --> 01:36:58,284 Hey, how do you like this for a hose job? 995 01:37:04,035 --> 01:37:06,284 Oh yeah? Salute! 996 01:37:07,701 --> 01:37:11,700 Hello, Chaos! - Look J.J., a flower! Nice, huh? 997 01:37:12,035 --> 01:37:13,784 See ya! 998 01:37:15,285 --> 01:37:19,034 And I figured that 30,000 we owe you... This will more than take care of it. 999 01:37:20,451 --> 01:37:23,159 May I buy you a drink? - Yes. - Cherie! 1000 01:37:23,701 --> 01:37:26,825 Cherie!? I guess everyone... They seem to be so busy! 1001 01:37:31,576 --> 01:37:32,784 That was fun, J.J.! 1002 01:37:36,285 --> 01:37:38,575 Get those guys! - You got it. 1003 01:37:39,160 --> 01:37:41,450 Fly, baby! Fly! 1004 01:37:42,576 --> 01:37:46,034 Help is on the way! Justice will triumph! 1005 01:37:48,910 --> 01:37:52,284 Sorry, bad guys! Carry on. 1006 01:37:52,910 --> 01:37:57,117 Raining like a son-of-a-bitch over there. You need any help here? - Yes. Inject that. 1007 01:37:57,285 --> 01:38:01,284 Fine. Oh, the plague! I've seen this before... 1008 01:38:12,368 --> 01:38:16,284 No, Jackie! J.J... Cannonball... You got it! 1009 01:38:28,285 --> 01:38:30,450 Friend or foe? - Have a guess! 1010 01:38:33,285 --> 01:38:36,700 It's a bird. - It's a plane. - It's Hymie! 1011 01:38:45,535 --> 01:38:48,034 Would you hold this for me, please? I would like to really... 1012 01:38:48,118 --> 01:38:51,700 ...get a good look at that ring again. It's truly lovely. 1013 01:38:56,118 --> 01:38:57,659 Oh my God... 1014 01:39:05,576 --> 01:39:07,867 Oh, look... 1015 01:39:08,285 --> 01:39:12,575 J.J., it's a vision. - No... No, it's us. 1016 01:39:17,660 --> 01:39:20,075 Oh, Sister Betty. 1017 01:39:20,535 --> 01:39:23,867 "Him" didn't know you had that in you. - "Him" wilI. 1018 01:39:25,035 --> 01:39:27,409 We're here to help you win! 1019 01:39:27,910 --> 01:39:32,659 Did you miss me? - So much... - Oh thanks. A little more than that? 1020 01:39:33,285 --> 01:39:36,034 I'm glad you missed me that much! 1021 01:39:36,826 --> 01:39:39,034 All these wonderful gals! 1022 01:39:40,535 --> 01:39:42,617 Fenderbaum! 1023 01:39:44,368 --> 01:39:47,034 Boy-nun, boy-boy, boy-nun. 1024 01:39:50,368 --> 01:39:54,075 Fenderbaum! What are you doing with my partner? 1025 01:39:54,535 --> 01:39:56,367 Partner? - Partner? 1026 01:39:56,535 --> 01:40:00,200 Yes! I have bought the Pinto Ranch! 1027 01:40:00,618 --> 01:40:02,075 Yes! 1028 01:40:03,660 --> 01:40:07,200 And why not? I have a weakness for blondes... 1029 01:40:07,410 --> 01:40:10,284 ...and women without mustaches. 1030 01:40:12,535 --> 01:40:18,409 Before you do any hiring you tell your partner about your liabilities. 1031 01:40:18,535 --> 01:40:20,950 You know, you have a very big mouth! 1032 01:40:22,368 --> 01:40:24,617 My Sheik! - My partner! 1033 01:40:24,826 --> 01:40:28,117 My Sheik, I will need just a little operating capital. 1034 01:40:28,701 --> 01:40:30,450 How much? 1035 01:40:31,576 --> 01:40:35,159 Nine million dollars? - Nine million? 1036 01:40:35,410 --> 01:40:38,909 A drop in the well! I will give you 18 million. 1037 01:40:39,035 --> 01:40:43,117 That way you will have some petty cash! - Thank you, my Sheik. Where are you going? 1038 01:40:43,785 --> 01:40:46,075 To win the race! 1039 01:40:46,535 --> 01:40:50,784 To share in my good fortune with my fellow Cannonballers 1040 01:40:51,035 --> 01:40:56,034 I have decided to raise the prize money to two million dollars! 1041 01:40:57,826 --> 01:41:00,784 How many zeros is in that? - I don't know! 1042 01:41:01,910 --> 01:41:06,034 We'Il split it three ways? -Yeah! - Come, my sweethearts, we go! 1043 01:41:15,326 --> 01:41:17,325 Hey, Fenderbaum, Blake! Come here a minute! 1044 01:41:18,035 --> 01:41:20,450 What is it, Frank? Can't you see we're busy? 1045 01:41:20,576 --> 01:41:24,284 I know that. That's why I want to get a head start. See you in Connecticut. 1046 01:42:20,785 --> 01:42:25,534 Oh, so sorry. You are average player. Please try again later. 1047 01:42:54,660 --> 01:42:58,575 You gotta have to stop this thing. I can't examine you with alI this movin' around. 1048 01:42:58,660 --> 01:43:04,325 I can't stop! I can't stop! Just keep me alive untiI we reach Connecticut! 1049 01:43:13,201 --> 01:43:15,867 So much for Abdul... 1050 01:43:16,618 --> 01:43:20,534 It's money in the bank, I tell you. A million bucks! 1051 01:43:20,701 --> 01:43:23,575 The whole of a million bucks apiece! 1052 01:43:29,660 --> 01:43:33,367 That's Frank. - Where'd he learn to drive like that? 1053 01:43:33,618 --> 01:43:35,950 I don't know, but don't let him pass us! 1054 01:43:36,285 --> 01:43:38,784 Floor it! - It's floored! 1055 01:43:39,326 --> 01:43:42,367 Hi Frank, chicky-lover baby! Hi there! 1056 01:43:42,535 --> 01:43:46,034 Remember me, Fenderbaum? Listen, whoever gets to the finish line first 1057 01:43:46,285 --> 01:43:48,534 we split it 50/50, okay? 1058 01:43:50,035 --> 01:43:51,409 70/30 1059 01:43:52,910 --> 01:43:55,409 How about 10%? 1060 01:43:55,910 --> 01:43:57,325 Forget it. 1061 01:44:21,035 --> 01:44:23,825 Forget it, guys! You're four hours and 15 martinis late! 1062 01:44:23,910 --> 01:44:27,034 Better go in the bar and get gassed up, 'cause you're racing back tomorrow... 1063 01:44:27,368 --> 01:44:31,200 ...at noon! - Park it. I'll see you in the bar. 1064 01:44:32,035 --> 01:44:35,367 Thanks. We'll leave tomorrow and we'll be back in four days. 1065 01:44:35,618 --> 01:44:39,409 Then Atlantic City and a weekend you'll never forget. 1066 01:44:39,535 --> 01:44:43,075 Once again you have brought shame and disgrace to our tribe 1067 01:44:43,201 --> 01:44:47,284 by not winning the Cannonball Run. - But Pop, there was this doctor in the car. 1068 01:44:47,410 --> 01:44:49,950 He gave me a... It was kismet. - I warn you! 1069 01:44:50,160 --> 01:44:53,325 Tomorrow's race is the last Cannonball I am financing. 1070 01:44:53,451 --> 01:44:56,034 If you do not win, do not bother to come home. 1071 01:44:56,118 --> 01:44:58,867 Pop, don't worry. I can't lose! 1072 01:44:59,076 --> 01:45:03,909 I have hired the winner of this Cannonball to be my co-driver in the next one. 1073 01:45:04,285 --> 01:45:08,284 I'd like you to meet him. I have told him so much about you, Pop. 1074 01:45:11,535 --> 01:45:15,575 Excuse me, Sir. I'd like you to meet my Pop! 1075 01:45:34,118 --> 01:45:37,950 The Cannonball is a race from California to Connecticut. We have lots of fun. 1076 01:45:38,035 --> 01:45:41,117 And then... The Sheik... What they... 1077 01:45:41,785 --> 01:45:44,659 I can get this. Just a minute. I can do it. Wait a minute. 1078 01:45:45,118 --> 01:45:47,784 And... - We'll start from the slap. - From the slap? 1079 01:45:48,368 --> 01:45:50,409 Sir! Er... 1080 01:45:53,868 --> 01:45:56,575 Just pick it up right from the slap. 1081 01:45:58,076 --> 01:45:59,825 Sir! 1082 01:45:59,910 --> 01:46:03,950 Sorry, we get this in a minute. It's alright. We get it. Here we go. 1083 01:46:04,326 --> 01:46:07,117 Oh, Sir! The Cannonball is a race 1084 01:46:07,118 --> 01:46:09,284 from Connecticut to your ass. 1085 01:46:23,785 --> 01:46:27,034 Now, if your mother could kiss like that... 1086 01:46:27,368 --> 01:46:30,159 We're just gonna place it. Ready? Huh? 1087 01:46:32,660 --> 01:46:35,117 Is that what you want? You got it. 1088 01:46:35,285 --> 01:46:39,284 Okay? - I don't trust you. - No, you got it, I swear. I'm just gonna place it. 1089 01:46:42,201 --> 01:46:45,367 Oh shit, if I wasn't getting a lot of money... 1090 01:46:46,160 --> 01:46:49,409 Don't get it from the ground. - Where might I gonna get it from? 1091 01:46:49,535 --> 01:46:52,284 Get it from here. This is fresh. 1092 01:46:52,701 --> 01:46:55,784 There'll be a mound here. - I got fresh stuff here. 1093 01:46:55,868 --> 01:46:59,825 Nobody's ever peed on this. I'm just gonna place it. 1094 01:47:03,660 --> 01:47:06,367 How animals live on this shit? 1095 01:47:28,326 --> 01:47:32,409 Listen, if we have these nuns God will be our co-pilot. 1096 01:47:32,785 --> 01:47:35,950 I don't care. You listen to me. Listen to me. 1097 01:47:38,826 --> 01:47:41,117 We're not taking those nuns along. 1098 01:47:44,118 --> 01:47:47,075 What is the matter with you? I can't work like this! 1099 01:47:48,826 --> 01:47:53,284 She's winking at me. - Hold there. - She's to wave. 1100 01:47:53,326 --> 01:47:58,784 Alright. - I have no protection. She is... Godammit... - Pick it up. 1101 01:47:59,660 --> 01:48:03,450 Lepers? New York? - No: "Lepers? Big Apple?" 1102 01:48:04,660 --> 01:48:07,409 I order you... 1103 01:48:10,868 --> 01:48:14,659 J.J.! Long time no see. - Captain Chaos, nice to see you again. 1104 01:48:16,160 --> 01:48:18,784 Would you do it again? - Yeah, certainly. - Here we go. 1105 01:48:25,701 --> 01:48:28,325 Keep it rollin'. Here we go. 1106 01:48:32,576 --> 01:48:35,784 J.J.! - Captain Chaos! - Long time no see. - Good to see you again. 1107 01:48:35,910 --> 01:48:39,284 Good to see you! - Listen, I'd deem it a personal pruverage... privilege, 1108 01:48:39,410 --> 01:48:43,284 if I can get in that bomb and get my teeth fixed. Turn around, let's start again. 1109 01:48:46,576 --> 01:48:50,200 J.J.! - Captain Chaos. - Long time no see. - Good to see you again. 1110 01:48:50,868 --> 01:48:53,700 I'd deem it a privilege you let me ride in the bomb. 1111 01:48:54,201 --> 01:48:57,784 Did you understand that at alI? Just turn around and let me do it again. 1112 01:49:01,785 --> 01:49:04,659 Listen, isn't somebody gonna say "Cut"? 96735

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