Original subtitles

Who's the guy you’re with in this photo?

No. 123 likes isn't "nothing".

Why does it bother me?

How can I put it?

You haven't touched me in months, but with him, no problem.

No, wait, don't hang up.

Excuse me, what's going on exactly?

The last train's in 5 minutes. I can't miss it.

I don't know, a delivery...

Right...

Just tell me: are you in love with this guy?

Wait... Have I got this right?

You're dumping me in a taxi like a worthless shit?

You can’t just end a four-year relationship over the phone!

Nobody does that!

Hello?

Hello!?

He blocked me?!

The bastard has just blocked me.

He blocked me! Un-fucking believable! Bastard!

For fuck's sake!

What's wrong with you!? - Everything’s wrong!

Right!

Out! Go on, get out.

No, it's raining. - Get out!

Hi, it's me. The best lay you ever had.

I have something important to tell you, asshole.

Good evening.

Fuck off and die. You'll never see me again.

I'd like a room.

We're done, forever!

Enjoy your life with that dirty whore.

I'd like a room.

For fuck's sake! Can't you see I'm busy?

I was dictating a break-up message to my ex and you've fucked it up.

So, what do you want? - A room.

We have one room left. I wouldn't take it if I were you.

Why?

Screw up my message and I screw with your head.

Catch!

Okay...

Nice ass available...

Charming...

Soft stocky discreet

Wanna suck now?

Nope, that's not happening, my boy...

Hey. How are you? What are you looking for here?

I feel like... spending some quality time...

a relaxed evening,

with someone who is... who is...

someone friendly... nice... take my mind off things...

That's good.

Do you speak French?

A little.

And what do you do in life?

I'm up for a direct hook-up. Available now?

-Erm yes... - Photos?

And you?

That'll scare him away.

Oh, okay, I see...

That's no good.

Do I like sex hook-ups?

I love sex hook-ups, I'm a real sex beast.

Let me take you hard.

I'm...

Did you find it easily?

Right, okay, you don’t waste any time.

What?

- Take it easy, huh?

Okay, sorry, but this isn't happening.

It’s just that I’ve never... It's just not how I operate.

It's not my thing, the whole... thing.

It's just not me.

I'm not an automatic car.

I need time, you see,

to travel down the motorway, calmly,

shifting gears, clack, clack...

before accelerating and launching myself.

Do you understand?

Exactly. You're not at all my type.

Besides, I hate the English.

Oh shit...

No thanks.

Great idea, Romain. Well done, well fucking done. Great idea. Great...

Right, what do I have to do to get you to leave?

Suck me.

A real romantic...

Sorry...

Leave.

It's nothing personal, all right?

You're very handsome, and very sexy.

But I think it's best if you leave, okay?

I have a lot of work to do, and I'm not feeling horny.

No! Put that out! You'll trigger the alarm!

I'm the fucking Queen of England. And you?

Sounds like a lot of pressure.

I set up a start-up with a couple of buddies.

I'm a manager.

Yes.

No no, I'm 100% straight, me.

What’s with the questions?

You telling me you’re not gay?

Not strictly.

Oh, right. So what are you then? Are you bi?

Heteroflexible?

Pansexual?

Demisexual?

Asexual? No... no...

You're definitely not asexual.

Okay, you're pissing me off now.

You're cute when you're angry.

Do you do this often?

What? Dancing?

Fucking?

With strangers you meet on apps?

No reason.

And you like it?

Yeah, but it’s all just the result of algorithms.

What's the likelihood of meeting someone you really match with?

Not to mention all the freaks and the collectors of photos.

- All these people...the fakes... - Hey...

I don't know, there must be guys who are a lot more...

more attractive than me.

I chose you...

- Because you were the closest. - Oh, okay, great.

- Hey... - No, it's fine.

You might want to think about turning down the sound!

Am I interrupting something?

Oh keep going!

My ultimate fantasy is to watch two guys getting it on.

Oh Jesus, what the fuck am I doing here?

Relax, sweetie.

I'm not going to bite you.

So how did the two of you meet?

- I want to know everything. - By chance.

By sheer coincidence.

You find love on sex apps? You naughty boy!

I don't find anything since I'm not looking for anything.

Right...

Is there anything to drink here?

You want some?

No, I’m fine, thanks.

Do you still believe in it?

In what?

Love?

Here, check this out:

This is my ex,

and this is the bitch he ran off with.

I didn't see it coming.

I have an idea.

Come here.

Show me passion, like you want to fuck me right now.

Come on, make an effort, do something, smile!

Here you go.

Pinch my nipple.

Why are you guys obsessed with nipples?

Kiss me.

We said kissing, not tearing out my tonsils.

Shit, we look gross.

Look at your ugly mug!

How do you expect me to make him jealous with that?

We’ve got it.

I think I have some nice pictures here.

He'll be jealous, definitely.

Hey! You can stop now!

Hey, that's it, we get it!

Don't mind me!

Just pretend I'm not here!

Worry about your own ass!

Exactly!

He's supposed to be here for me, remember?

I know you can shag anyone, but I can't.

Oh chill out, you narcissist! Stop trying to make me feel guilty!

Okay that's enough!

Okay stop, I give up!

I just lost my dignity fighting over a hook-up with a nympho.

Me!? A nympho!?

Look guys, I'm so sorry to hurt your fragile male egos,

but I don't think the three of us are meant to be together.

I'm a free woman, okay? And you're just two little teases!

Bye bitches!

Wow, that was a firecracker!

I'll walk you out.

Nothing.

It's just that it's weird.

We've just made love and...

I don't know anything about you.

You should try to get some sleep.

Can I tell you something?

What?

I suffer from emotional dependency.

I think it means that I get a bit too attached to people...

Something like that.

Hey beautiful stranger, I let you sleep. You looked happy.