All language subtitles for Baby Reindeer - S01E07

That's what abuse
does to you, you know?

It made me this sticking plaster
for all of life's weirdos.

This... open wound for them to sniff at.

I knew she was mad,
and I knew she was dangerous,

but she flattered me.

That was enough.

A random audience member
recorded me on the sly

and uploaded the video to YouTube,
and it went viral.

In a matter of weeks,

I went from a walking ghost
to the center of a media storm.

It was so overwhelming
that I almost didn't notice

that Martha had stopped emailing.

Too distracted by all
the new work opportunities to take notice.

It was like something took over,
and I just started coming out with it.

Podcasts, radio shows,
bigger gigs, better crowds.

Everyone wanted a piece of me,

and my career
sprung into surprising action.

I honestly couldn't believe
it was all happening.

For the first time in my life,
I really felt like I was going somewhere.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to the stage

Donny Dunn!

And there is nothing
like your life going so visibly well

to let your sexual abuser know,

"Fuck you. You failed to break me."

Ah, thank you very much.

Now, for those of you
that have seen the viral video,

don't worry,
I'm not gonna go into all that again.

Although there is a guy in the front row
looking at me a bit funny.

Is it possible
to get a DBS check on this guy, please?

I couldn't keep up with it,
everything that was happening.

It was like my life began
three decades in,

and all I needed to do to achieve it
was to be honest with myself.

It's funny how things work out.

♪ The streets are ours... ♪

And sometimes I would find myself
in the free fall of happiness,

and wonder what it was in me
that kept it in for so long.

What it was in me that felt so afraid.

Hello.

I wasn't gonna
speak to you again,

but I've been putting down the basics
regarding what you said on stage.

Do your parents know
about all that in the video, yeah?

The shirtlifting, and the guy's cock
half hanging out of you.

I mean, should I tell them?

Probably fair to know
their son's an ugly little bumboy.

It's the least you deserve
for all those things you said about me.

I cannot express how furious I am
about the way you shafted me.

And just like that,
at the worst possible time,

during the most important moment
of my professional life,

Martha got my number.

How the fuck could I let her
get my number?

First new message.

You know,
I've been leaving your parents alone

because I didn't have the time for it,

but I think they're gonna wanna know
information like this.

I don't think your dad
looks like the accepting type.

I couldn't tell
if Martha was bluffing,

or if she would actually do something
as awful as tell my family.

Either way, I unplugged from her
for a few days and made plans.

I just had to get to my parents
before she did.

Look, I, um...

I don't know whether you've... seen this...

video of me
that's been going around online.

No, bear, I'm not on social media anymore,
and your dad--

Isn't a fucking moron.

Okay. Thanks for that. Um...

Well...

it's this video where I, uh...

I confess a lot of things.

I just...

I just... I feel very confused,

and, um, I...

I don't really know anything anymore,
but I'm trying to, you know, like,

get through it.

I don't think I'm...
I'm straight anymore. Um...

I think I'm probably, like,

bisexual maybe.

It's a journey, anyway, but it's...

it's one that I... I need to go on
with your support.

These past few years
have been really difficult.

And I think you're gonna have a choice now

between a...

between a bi son or a... or a gay son,
whatever I become,

or a dead one,
because I can't handle it anymore.

Keeping it in.

Oh, love, that's easy.

Giving us a choice like that, there's
no question which one we're gonna go for.

Just... Please, just let me finish.

And I sort of speak about... other things
in the video too.

I was, um...

I was

raped by a man.

Oh my God.

I'm fine, all right? I promise.

But I spoke about it in this online video,
and now everyone knows.

I just feel so fucking embarrassed,

and I guess I never wanted you to know

because I didn't want you
to think less of me,

you know...

...as a man.

Oh, darling, of course we don't.

You're our son, whatever happens.

I just feel less of one,

having let something like that
happen to me.

But you didn't let it happen.
You weren't to blame.

Would you see me as less of one?

What?

Would you see me as less of a man?

Uh, well, no.

I grew up in the Catholic Church.

Uh, sorry, I... I...

I don't understand.

Jesus. I...

I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything.

Just know we are always here.

Oh, Bear, I'm so sorry.

I slept 12 hours that night
and woke up to a new dawn.

I felt lighter somehow.

Amazed, even, by the sudden peace
I found within myself.

I spent the next few days in Scotland
with my phone off, enjoying the quiet.

I told my parents everything.
Teri, Martha, Darrien.

I hadn't felt so at ease in all my life.

There was no need to be afraid anymore.

There was never any need.

And by the time
I boarded the train back down,

I really felt like
there was nothing in my way.

Nothing, of course, apart from Martha.

♪ I'd be sad and blue ♪

♪ If not for you... ♪

Good luck with the transsexual.

Yep, thank you, Dad. Just... Thanks.

You can go now.

♪ Babe, the night
Would see me wide awake ♪

♪ The day would surely have to break ♪

♪ It would not be new ♪

♪ If not for you ♪

Jesus Christ.

Welcome
to your voicemail.

You have 50 new messages.

First new message.

You stood there,
like a fucking guppy,

wafting that bitch right under my nose,

your cock practically in her,

and you're expecting me to do what?

She's ringing me now, literally,
as I stand here.

- I can see that, Mr. Dunn.
Then do something.

You can't ring somebody
that many times in a day, surely.

Well, no, you can't,
but obviously with unknown numbers,

it's very difficult to prove
who is actually calling.

So you're saying I can call anyone I meet
as many times as I want,

and as long as I withhold my number,
I'm free to do as I please?

You're not planning to?

No, I'm not planning to.

I'm making a point.
This behavior shouldn't be allowed.

How'd she get your number anyway?

She'd stopped emailing,
so I set an out-of-office,

and it must have... replied to her.

That's gotta hurt.

Giving it away so easily after managing
to keep it from her for so long.

Why is that helpful?

Wha-- Uh...

What about her phone number?
Have you tried blocking that?

Of course I've tried.
You can't block unknown numbers.

You should know this.

Can't you just go into the back and listen
to the voicemails she's been leaving?

We can't listen to that many voicemails.
We don't have the resources.

Oh my God. So, what? I just change
my number and let her win again?

Well, there is another option.

Now, I need to speak
off the record here, but

it might make sense to keep your number

and wait for her to say something
that we can use to expedite this case.

You're serious?

Merely a suggestion.

Go home. Mark down moments
where she says something threatening.

She's leaving you
numerous voicemails a day.

Chances are there'll be something there
we can use.

First new message.
I'm gonna be frank with you...

Over the next few months, Martha's
voicemails became the podcast to my life.

I listened to her on every bus ride,
every Tube journey,

in the street between meetings.

She was there in my ears all the time.

Don't forget what I said
about confidentiality.

Her voicemails playing out
this retrospective

of our entire relationship together.

When you said
about hanging the curtains,

I assumed you had
a one-night stand in mind.

She remembered everything
with such lucidity.

Do you remember that gig
you performed at back in the day?

The chats, the laughter.

The false promises.

I'm shocked
you did something like that.

I couldn't believe
the meaning she would glean

from the most implausible of places.

You surrendered to me
that day, didn't you? By the water.

I started to download them,
log and categorize them,

color-code them
into different emotions and subjects.

All this fame means fuck all.
They don't love you.

They'll grow bored. I love you. Yeah?

It became an obsession.

I ignored work calls,
canceled gigs and interviews,

devoted my life
to unpacking the mystery of Martha.

Why she was the way that she was.

I'm not sure I ever got close
to finding the answer.

You've got
psychiatric problems, darling.

In fact, over time, I found myself
relating to her all over again.

Our shared insecurities,
our fears for the future.

The same things at night
which kept us from our sleep.

London's full of charlatans
and backstabbers and liars.

The way she managed to distract me
from all the things that I'd lost.

She threatened me many times,
said stuff that was violent or phobic.

Isn't abuse for little boys
and their piano teachers?

About me or Teri or the abuse.

But still, I found myself ignoring it.

Has anything new come up
that we should know about?

No.

Holding off reporting her
out of fascination or empathy or guilt.

- Any excuse to keep her in my life.
Don't you dare!

And sometimes,
in my darkest hours,

as I lay awake,
listening to how much she was suffering...

I get heavy at night.
I sometimes feel so angry.

Angry at the world
and what it's taken from me.

I did have to fight every
fiber of my being not to call her back.

So when I did eventually report her,

I only did it
because she started on my family.

I only did it because it felt like a risk
I couldn't take any longer.

Message.

So you and your family,
you keep your traps shut, yeah?

You're on your final warning.
I fucking mean it this time.

Because I've got a raging PMT

where I could just about stab
anyone in England, in Britain.

So you'd better watch what you're saying
because maybe one day I will stab someone.

Martha was arrested the next day

and charged with three counts
of stalking and harassment.

And by the time a date was set
for her plea hearing,

I couldn't tell whether it was putting
an end to her fascination or mine.

All rise.

Be seated.

Stand up, Ms. Scott.

You are charged with the harassment
of Mr. Donald Dunn

between the dates of 14th August 2015
and 22nd March 2017.

Are you guilty or not guilty?

Guilty.

You are charged
with the stalking of Mr. Donald Dunn

between the dates of 14th August 2015
and 22nd March 2017.

Are you guilty or not guilty?

Guilty.

You are charged
with the harassment of Gerald Dunn

and Eleanor Dunn

between the dates of 6th June 2016
and 22nd March 2017.

Are you guilty or not guilty?

Guilty.

My little reindeer.

My little reindeer.

Ms. Scott, you have pled guilty.

I will ask the CPS
to prepare a pre-sentencing report.

- You will remain in custody until then.
Reindeer.

All rise.

Reindeer.

Martha was sentenced
to nine months in prison,

and a five-year restraining order
was issued that same day.

And there, in that courtroom,
was the last time I ever set eyes on her.

Oh. Keeley.

Hi.

Francis called.

He's concerned about you.

He says you've barely
come out of your room in weeks.

Do you wanna come in?

Yeah.

What's all this?

Oh, it's, uh... It's Martha stuff.

- I thought she'd been sentenced.
- She has. I'm trying to make sense of it.

- And how's that going?
I'm getting closer.

Yeah, you'd hope so, looking at all this.

Yeah, it's crazy.

I have all her voicemails from
when I downloaded them for the police.

I've split them into all these folders
capturing her different emotions.

I've been doing it for weeks.
There's a ton I haven't listened to yet.

It's funny, 'cause when you see them
all splayed out like this,

you really do get a sense
of just how mad she was.

Do you wanna sit down or something?

Yeah.

You look awful.

I feel awesome.

How's the, uh, comedy going?

Oh, I've given up.

Nothing like getting everything you want
in life to realize it's not for you.

So, um,

why are you here?

I want you to move back to my mum's place.
Sort yourself out a bit.

- I can't. I've signed a lease here.
Nah, I'll pay for it.

Just move back.

I can't have you go on living like this.

Having gone through all of that.

That video, Donny, it really upset me.

Okay.

How does it feel?

Yeah, familiar.

I'll leave you to it.
Let me know if you need anything.

Thank you.

I forgot to say, I left a little something
for you in the cupboard,

along with a couple
of bits and bobs I found.

Oh, thanks.

Ah.

Hello.

Can I help with anything?

Yeah, I was, uh...

I was wondering if I could come in.

Sure.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Yeah, please.

So they were just high all the time?

Oh my God, I've never seen two people
consume drugs like them.

Private school boys too.

I mean, the amount of times I caught
people shagging in my bed was insane.

Where've you been?

Oh. You know. Here and there.

I'm sorry I disappeared.

No. No, I get it.

I saw your video, by the way.

Oh yeah?

I thought it was brave.

Really brave.

Oh.

Thank you.

You should come back and work with me.

Uh...

It won't be like last time.

Oh, I... I don't know.
I'm sort of not really doing much anymore.

We're bringing Cotton Mouth back
for a reboot.

Probably be terrible, but

we're staffing up at this very moment.

You'd be paid.

I'd love that.

God, and there was
this other time in the bar

when you were serving
in your tight whites, and I thought,

"Red. Red is your color."

And then the next day,
you were wearing red.

I think you've got
a great jawline, a lovely smile.

You know, I think you're,
you know, very attractive.

You know, when you meet someone sometimes,

you just think they have it.

And you have it.

I dunno. Maybe it's your turn of phrase.

Fine! I fancy you, okay?
I fancy you. There, I said it.

Oh God. I'm blushing
like a teenage virgin here.

Hi there.
- Hi. Yeah, I'll have a vodka Coke, please.

A... a double. Thanks.

That's the thing
I've always wondered.

Why people meet, why people fall in love,
that kind of thing.

And I suppose that brings me
to the baby reindeer thing.

As I think you're probably wondering.

Basically, I had this wee cuddly toy
when I was young.

Went with me everywhere.

Earliest memory I have,
I think, was Christmastime.

This old photo of me,
sitting with this paper hat on my head

and this baby reindeer beside me.

Anyway, this reindeer
was this cuddly, fluffy thing.

It had big lips, huge eyes,

and the cutest wee bum.

I still have it to this day.

It was the only good thing
about my childhood.

I'd hug it

when they fought.

And they fought a lot, you know?

Well, you are the spit of that reindeer.

The same nose.

Same eyes.

Same cute wee bum.

It means so much to me.

You...

You mean so much to me.

I've gotta go.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you.

- It's, uh, £7.25.
Oh yeah.

Oh fuck.

Sorry, man, I...

I think I've left my wallet at home.

Don't worry about it. It's on me.

♪ Farewell, farewell
To you who would hear ♪

♪ You lonely travelers all ♪

♪ The cold north wind will blow again ♪

♪ The winding road does call ♪

♪ And will you never return to see ♪

♪ Your bruised and beaten sons? ♪

♪ "Oh, I would, I would" ♪

♪ "If welcome I were" ♪

♪ The cold north wind will blow again ♪

♪ The winding road ♪

♪ Does call ♪