Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,340 --> 00:00:02,444
(SNORING)
2
00:00:07,782 --> 00:00:09,934
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)
3
00:00:09,935 --> 00:00:12,321
(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)
4
00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:21,956
(SNORING CONTINUES)
5
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,484
Oh...
6
00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:28,403
Morning, Jimmy.
7
00:00:30,222 --> 00:00:32,024
I know you're asleep,
8
00:00:32,516 --> 00:00:35,547
but I just wanted to say our
talk last night really...
9
00:00:35,548 --> 00:00:36,915
(JIMMY SNORING)
10
00:00:36,916 --> 00:00:42,720
It really was just... so unexpected.
11
00:00:42,721 --> 00:00:44,522
And I know we didn't say anything,
12
00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:47,358
- but this morning I'm feeling...
- (SNORING LOUDLY)
13
00:00:47,359 --> 00:00:49,045
Okay! Never mind.
14
00:00:51,381 --> 00:00:53,384
? ?
15
00:00:55,418 --> 00:00:59,137
LINDSAY: What are you
smiling about over there,
16
00:00:59,138 --> 00:01:01,239
like some sort of gooneybird?
17
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,742
Jimmy and I fell asleep
on the phone last night.
18
00:01:04,743 --> 00:01:07,580
Awesome. So, do you think
we'll be in the same homeroom
19
00:01:07,581 --> 00:01:09,415
together next year?
20
00:01:09,416 --> 00:01:13,152
I know. It was just really... nice.
21
00:01:13,153 --> 00:01:16,421
Does that mean you're back
riding that yogurt tube?
22
00:01:16,422 --> 00:01:17,655
I don't know.
23
00:01:17,656 --> 00:01:19,592
We'll see, I guess.
24
00:01:19,593 --> 00:01:21,427
Well, what are you going to do about it?
25
00:01:21,428 --> 00:01:23,861
I'm not really a "do something
about stuff" kind of person.
26
00:01:23,862 --> 00:01:26,065
I'm more of a "it's too
late to buy a wedding gift,
27
00:01:26,066 --> 00:01:28,066
so I'll just stop being friends
with them" kind of person.
28
00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:30,268
Cool. Well, that story finished dumb.
29
00:01:30,269 --> 00:01:32,238
Anyway.
30
00:01:32,239 --> 00:01:34,875
It all ends today, Gretch.
31
00:01:34,876 --> 00:01:37,810
Becca ruined my life,
and she needs to know
32
00:01:37,811 --> 00:01:39,719
how much damage she's caused me.
33
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,913
And then I'm gonna punch
that stupid bitch
34
00:01:41,914 --> 00:01:43,949
in her stupid bitch face.
35
00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:45,516
Ooh, I should probably take these off.
36
00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:47,018
Hooker fights dirty.
37
00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:49,087
GRETCHEN: Okay, let
me just press record.
38
00:01:49,088 --> 00:01:51,290
Before you hit her, I'm
gonna yell, "Worldstar."
39
00:01:51,291 --> 00:01:52,725
Oh, wait. Is it after?
40
00:01:52,726 --> 00:01:54,144
We'll shoot it both ways.
41
00:01:58,714 --> 00:01:59,898
Lindsay!
42
00:01:59,899 --> 00:02:01,252
Mom?
43
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:08,651
Worldstar!
44
00:02:09,666 --> 00:02:15,624
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
45
00:02:16,166 --> 00:02:19,351
? I'm gonna leave you anyway ?
46
00:02:19,352 --> 00:02:22,421
? I'm gonna leave you anyway ?
47
00:02:22,422 --> 00:02:23,840
? Gonna leave you anyway. ?
48
00:02:30,279 --> 00:02:32,064
PARROT (ON TV): Rest in
peace, Penny the Penguin.
49
00:02:32,065 --> 00:02:33,832
I never thought you'd jump.
50
00:02:33,833 --> 00:02:37,803
PARROT 2: She finally flew. If
only for one or two seconds.
51
00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:40,873
Dude, are you sure Birds is for kids?
52
00:02:40,874 --> 00:02:42,875
That's the second suicide
53
00:02:42,876 --> 00:02:45,310
and they haven't even
left the island yet.
54
00:02:45,311 --> 00:02:48,247
When Doug assigned us to parody
this movie, I don't think
55
00:02:48,248 --> 00:02:50,149
- he realized how depressing it is.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
56
00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:53,819
Well, I have some highly exciting news.
57
00:02:53,820 --> 00:02:58,090
The Width of a Peach is a bestseller!
58
00:02:58,091 --> 00:03:02,261
It is number seven on
Amazon's Erotica list,
59
00:03:02,262 --> 00:03:04,496
number five on Amazon's Erotica
60
00:03:04,497 --> 00:03:07,266
subcategory Historical Romance list,
61
00:03:07,267 --> 00:03:11,170
and number one on Amazon's
Erotica subcategory
62
00:03:11,171 --> 00:03:13,572
Historical Romance
subcategories, World War II,
63
00:03:13,573 --> 00:03:15,908
UK and Family Fun.
64
00:03:15,909 --> 00:03:18,049
That is so great!
65
00:03:18,050 --> 00:03:21,364
I really hope you allow yourself
to enjoy this special time.
66
00:03:22,565 --> 00:03:24,516
Oh, Jimmy.
67
00:03:24,517 --> 00:03:25,984
This is Max.
68
00:03:25,985 --> 00:03:28,130
We're co-writers at Doug Loves Sketches.
69
00:03:28,131 --> 00:03:30,806
Bro, you missed a sick
party here last night.
70
00:03:30,807 --> 00:03:31,885
(LAUGHS)
71
00:03:31,886 --> 00:03:33,859
Yeah, I-I wouldn't call it a party.
72
00:03:33,860 --> 00:03:36,929
It was more like a meeting.
73
00:03:36,930 --> 00:03:38,885
With balloons.
74
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,866
Oh, stop. I know all about it.
75
00:03:40,867 --> 00:03:43,369
I talked to Gretchen on
the phone last night.
76
00:03:43,370 --> 00:03:47,138
It was just like old
times. Easy. Natural.
77
00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:50,709
We caught up, we joked about
the many hilarious tragic ends
78
00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:52,310
which may have befallen Killian.
79
00:03:52,311 --> 00:03:56,803
And then, we fell asleep
on the phone together.
80
00:03:58,096 --> 00:03:59,417
Like lovers.
81
00:03:59,418 --> 00:04:00,753
I don't want to get ahead of myself,
82
00:04:00,754 --> 00:04:02,954
Edgar and other person, but...
83
00:04:02,955 --> 00:04:05,103
I think the door is opening.
84
00:04:06,909 --> 00:04:08,427
You have to tell him.
85
00:04:08,428 --> 00:04:09,528
I don't want to tell him.
86
00:04:09,529 --> 00:04:11,230
- Bro.
- Bro.
87
00:04:11,231 --> 00:04:12,398
- Bro?
- Bro.
88
00:04:12,399 --> 00:04:13,732
- Bro.
- Bro!
89
00:04:13,733 --> 00:04:15,052
Tell me what?
90
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,856
Gretchen brought Boone
to the party last night.
91
00:04:21,591 --> 00:04:22,762
Oh.
92
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:26,224
And his daughter Olivia. So cute.
93
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:30,360
Wise, you know? How some
kids just look wise?
94
00:04:30,361 --> 00:04:33,826
Like, there's something in
their eyes that lets you know
95
00:04:33,827 --> 00:04:35,421
they get it, man.
96
00:04:35,422 --> 00:04:38,424
Like, you can just rap to
them, like people, you know?
97
00:04:38,425 --> 00:04:40,097
What?
98
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,724
Hey, where's your friend?
99
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:46,365
So, when my agent called about the role
100
00:04:46,366 --> 00:04:50,001
on ABC's Man in the
Middle, I was so excited.
101
00:04:50,002 --> 00:04:52,404
You know, I'm playing a grandmother,
102
00:04:52,405 --> 00:04:54,372
which is a wink-wink to
the audience, of course,
103
00:04:54,373 --> 00:04:56,908
because as if that were possible.
104
00:04:56,909 --> 00:04:58,977
(LAUGHING)
105
00:04:58,978 --> 00:05:01,217
Oh. Hello, Lindsay.
106
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:04,078
Did your apartment get taken
over by pigeons again?
107
00:05:04,079 --> 00:05:06,083
Thanks for telling me Mom was coming.
108
00:05:06,084 --> 00:05:09,153
Of course she would visit
Tallulah, my baby,
109
00:05:09,154 --> 00:05:11,622
- that I actually had.
- (TALLULAH CRIES)
110
00:05:11,623 --> 00:05:13,771
VERNON: Hey, can someone
take her for a little while?
111
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,147
I'm doing an all-night shift
112
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,427
and I'm running on fumes.
113
00:05:16,428 --> 00:05:19,465
I got these pills they use to
wake people up from comas,
114
00:05:19,466 --> 00:05:21,200
but now I can hear my blinks.
115
00:05:21,201 --> 00:05:24,001
Hey! I had her, you watch
her. That was the deal.
116
00:05:24,002 --> 00:05:27,506
Besides, my mommy's visiting me.
117
00:05:27,507 --> 00:05:28,740
Oh, you know, that reminds me...
118
00:05:28,741 --> 00:05:33,545
Vernon, I received a
welcome bag from the show,
119
00:05:33,546 --> 00:05:35,948
and I thought you might want this.
120
00:05:35,949 --> 00:05:39,184
A real-life Bluetooth speaker! No way!
121
00:05:39,185 --> 00:05:40,652
So sick!
122
00:05:40,653 --> 00:05:43,222
Hope you like Sublime.
123
00:05:43,223 --> 00:05:45,724
Mommy, I'm so happy you're here.
124
00:05:45,725 --> 00:05:48,360
Guess what I'm doing now.
125
00:05:48,361 --> 00:05:50,429
- I...
- Sometimes when I just look around
126
00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:51,864
at the life I've made,
127
00:05:51,865 --> 00:05:55,934
my husband, my baby,
my beautiful house...
128
00:05:55,935 --> 00:05:58,516
Your total estimated
worth of zero dollars.
129
00:05:58,517 --> 00:06:00,339
Your associate's degree in fitness.
130
00:06:00,340 --> 00:06:02,674
VERNON: (WHOOPS) This kid
just dropped a major dook.
131
00:06:02,675 --> 00:06:04,710
I am talking a post Homestyle
Buffet widowmaker.
132
00:06:04,711 --> 00:06:09,147
- Oh, my...
- Mom, I'm a stylist now.
133
00:06:09,148 --> 00:06:10,682
I read a really long book.
134
00:06:10,683 --> 00:06:12,084
I bought a new underwear.
135
00:06:12,085 --> 00:06:13,285
I have a gay friend.
136
00:06:13,286 --> 00:06:15,787
- I tricked a dog!
- Girls!
137
00:06:15,788 --> 00:06:19,958
Girls, you don't have to
compete for my attention.
138
00:06:19,959 --> 00:06:22,761
I'm never gonna tell you
which one I like better.
139
00:06:22,762 --> 00:06:24,396
(ALL LAUGHING)
140
00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:28,105
Oh, you haven't seen the nursery yet.
141
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,122
I am your favorite, though, right?
142
00:06:35,058 --> 00:06:36,338
Let's just go.
143
00:06:37,047 --> 00:06:40,177
You can't just let her win.
144
00:06:40,178 --> 00:06:42,584
This is important to you.
145
00:06:42,585 --> 00:06:44,872
Plus I didn't get my Worldstar video.
146
00:06:45,702 --> 00:06:46,985
You're doing this.
147
00:06:46,986 --> 00:06:48,987
Thanks, Gretch.
148
00:06:48,988 --> 00:06:51,023
- (PHONE RINGS)
- You've always been such a good...
149
00:06:51,024 --> 00:06:54,259
Hey! What's up?
150
00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:58,030
Ooh. Really? (GIGGLES)
151
00:06:58,031 --> 00:06:59,498
Yeah.
152
00:06:59,499 --> 00:07:00,932
Camping sounds fun.
153
00:07:00,933 --> 00:07:03,634
Um, let me just check my schedule.
154
00:07:03,635 --> 00:07:05,855
Okay. Bye.
155
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,795
(SIGHS)
156
00:07:13,830 --> 00:07:15,581
Faye's the best, isn't she?
157
00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:18,016
Did you check out that dope
speaker she gaffled for me?
158
00:07:18,017 --> 00:07:21,053
Seriously, how effing cool is she?
159
00:07:21,054 --> 00:07:22,554
Calm down. You're sweating.
160
00:07:22,555 --> 00:07:24,089
Sorry.
161
00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:26,424
I've had a major bone
for Faye Cottumaccio
162
00:07:26,425 --> 00:07:28,093
since her old Cinemax movies.
163
00:07:28,094 --> 00:07:32,030
Then I discovered Bec has
these old home vids.
164
00:07:32,031 --> 00:07:33,298
Faye looks so hot in them.
165
00:07:33,299 --> 00:07:34,584
You want to check one out?
166
00:07:38,354 --> 00:07:41,273
What's up? I'm getting kind of
de-cranked by your bummer vibes.
167
00:07:41,274 --> 00:07:46,491
Apparently Olivia is begging for
me to go camping with them.
168
00:07:47,447 --> 00:07:49,348
I told Boone we could go down a road.
169
00:07:49,349 --> 00:07:52,083
And now we are, and I'm just not
sure it's the right move for me.
170
00:07:52,084 --> 00:07:54,486
Duck him. When I get a code
blue and I don't want to go,
171
00:07:54,487 --> 00:07:56,588
I just fake diarrhea and
hide in the morgue.
172
00:07:57,377 --> 00:08:00,492
Or... I could let the
universe decide for me,
173
00:08:00,493 --> 00:08:01,984
that way nothing's ever my fault?
174
00:08:01,985 --> 00:08:04,796
Look, it sucks, but more often than not,
175
00:08:04,797 --> 00:08:07,499
the key to interpersonal
bullroar is simple:
176
00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:10,068
you need to communicate
with the other dingus.
177
00:08:10,069 --> 00:08:11,636
(SIGHS) You're right.
178
00:08:11,637 --> 00:08:13,972
I'm just gonna talk to Boone
face-to-face and tell him
179
00:08:13,973 --> 00:08:15,773
I'm not ready for this.
180
00:08:15,774 --> 00:08:17,908
My titty-sucking therapist told me
181
00:08:17,909 --> 00:08:19,510
I should be honest with my feelings.
182
00:08:19,511 --> 00:08:21,812
Yes, this like how I
keep telling everyone
183
00:08:21,813 --> 00:08:25,149
how dangerously exhausted I am,
so that eventually someone...
184
00:08:25,150 --> 00:08:26,536
Yeah, I'm just gonna text him.
185
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:31,910
PARROT: I told you, I don't
want to talk about Penny
186
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:35,553
the Penguin anymore... she
went to the aviary in the sky
187
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,750
I just want to get this straight.
188
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:40,720
Gretchen has the nerve
to bring that geriatric
189
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:45,692
and his filthy spawn into my
home and then call me to chat?!
190
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,093
Like lovers?
191
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,660
Fam, Fam, what you need to do
192
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:50,496
is get your mind off this girl
193
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,966
and just get out there
and bang someone, Fam.
194
00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:57,170
Yeah, maybe that works for a
bro-y man-child like yourself,
195
00:08:57,171 --> 00:08:59,572
but I am a novelist,
196
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:01,408
and an empath,
197
00:09:01,409 --> 00:09:03,743
thus, have a heightened sensitivity
198
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,412
to the pain of others.
199
00:09:05,413 --> 00:09:08,615
If I were to use someone
and make them feel bad,
200
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:11,484
that, in turn, would make me feel bad.
201
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:13,820
Why would you make her feel bad?
202
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,255
Two people can want something
203
00:09:15,256 --> 00:09:16,589
from each other, and both get it,
204
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:19,324
- and part ways happy.
- (SPUTTERS)
205
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:21,512
That's ridiculous.
206
00:09:23,147 --> 00:09:25,498
Happiness is a finite commodity.
207
00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:27,433
You have to steal it from people.
208
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,635
And I'm just... I'm not
the kind of person
209
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,203
who would mistreat someone like that.
210
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,740
Edgar! Can you blow
your nose or something?
211
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:36,009
There's a faint whistle
every time you breathe.
212
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:38,111
A faint whistle every time I breathe?
213
00:09:38,112 --> 00:09:40,046
Listen, find a girl who's down and out,
214
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:43,582
take her for a fancy meal and a
little compelling conversation,
215
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,152
and then drop some ropes on her face.
216
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:49,122
You get laid, she learns
what truffle fries are.
217
00:09:49,123 --> 00:09:50,856
Well...
218
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:53,827
there is someone I know
who fits that bill.
219
00:09:53,828 --> 00:09:55,928
- Katherine.
- Mm.
220
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,731
She was the saddest girl in Manchester.
221
00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:01,101
She moved to L.A. only
to work as a waitress
222
00:10:01,102 --> 00:10:02,435
at The Fox and Hounds.
223
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,571
Bro, you take her to R�publique,
224
00:10:04,572 --> 00:10:08,441
my boy Eli will hook you up
with that dank sparkling ros�.
225
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:12,812
Or better yet, invite
her here and wow her
226
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:15,048
with my architecturally
significant house,
227
00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:17,268
that also contains... what?
228
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:19,252
A bed!
229
00:10:19,253 --> 00:10:21,688
For dropping the aforementioned ropes.
230
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:24,256
Great! So, when next I come upstairs,
231
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,893
- you two will be gone.
- Ah, but we have to finish
232
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:29,095
this movie for work.
233
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,965
I don't care. Go to... his.
234
00:10:31,966 --> 00:10:34,400
Ooh, can't. I ordered a
bunch of oysters off Amazon
235
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:37,337
and forget them in my mud room, so...
236
00:10:37,338 --> 00:10:39,339
Well, then go... go watch at Lindsay's.
237
00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:42,074
(GASPS) She does have tons
of boxed mac and cheese.
238
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:43,710
Macki and cheesy! Yum town!
239
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:45,512
- Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom.
- (LAUGHS)
240
00:10:45,513 --> 00:10:48,481
Does anyone actually
find that endearing?
241
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,350
I cannot imagine so.
242
00:10:50,351 --> 00:10:51,636
No.
243
00:10:53,370 --> 00:10:55,154
PARROT: After Penny
died, things were never
244
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,446
the same between me and Alan.
245
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:59,032
I always said I'd call him
tomorrow... who knew that one day
246
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:02,078
tomorrow would be the day he
got sucked into a jet engine?
247
00:11:02,079 --> 00:11:04,048
- (SEVERAL SOBBING ON TV)
- (SIGHS HEAVILY)
248
00:11:04,049 --> 00:11:07,052
Well, it's gonna be tough to
make this one into a ride.
249
00:11:07,053 --> 00:11:08,453
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
250
00:11:08,454 --> 00:11:09,974
Yes! I'm starving.
251
00:11:11,569 --> 00:11:13,008
Edgar?
252
00:11:13,009 --> 00:11:14,492
- R...
- Yeah, buddy!
253
00:11:14,493 --> 00:11:16,995
Comida Argentina, por
favor. Mi mas gusta.
254
00:11:16,996 --> 00:11:18,615
Oh, thanks a lot.
255
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,252
(MUMBLES)
256
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,102
It's nice to see you, Ricky.
257
00:11:24,103 --> 00:11:27,067
What was that about?
Pretending you don't know me?
258
00:11:27,068 --> 00:11:28,774
I helped you bury that camel.
259
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:31,309
Oh, I-it's just that I... I
don't tell everyone right off
260
00:11:31,310 --> 00:11:32,744
about my combat experience.
261
00:11:32,745 --> 00:11:34,545
They-they see you in a certain way.
262
00:11:34,546 --> 00:11:35,147
Oh, yeah.
263
00:11:35,148 --> 00:11:36,915
Not that I wouldn't.
He's a really cool guy.
264
00:11:36,916 --> 00:11:39,785
No, no, no, I get it.
Mm, you don't want him
265
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,553
to see you like some messed-up vet.
266
00:11:41,554 --> 00:11:42,754
Oh...
267
00:11:42,755 --> 00:11:44,122
Like me.
268
00:11:44,123 --> 00:11:45,390
No.
269
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,999
No, Ricky, I...
270
00:11:49,028 --> 00:11:50,813
(SIGHS)
271
00:11:52,048 --> 00:11:54,131
- Mmm...!
- Delivery foul.
272
00:11:54,132 --> 00:11:57,001
Dude forgot your chimichurri
for your steak.
273
00:11:57,002 --> 00:11:59,270
Aw, no, it's okay. I don't need it.
274
00:11:59,271 --> 00:12:01,290
Bro, it's his job, okay? I got this.
275
00:12:03,159 --> 00:12:06,778
(SOFT, ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
276
00:12:06,779 --> 00:12:08,965
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
277
00:12:10,232 --> 00:12:11,650
Katherine.
278
00:12:11,651 --> 00:12:14,619
Wow. You look shockingly presentable.
279
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:17,255
Um, thanks. Good to see you.
280
00:12:17,256 --> 00:12:18,957
Please, come in.
281
00:12:18,958 --> 00:12:20,659
? ?
282
00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:22,060
KATHERINE: Oh.
283
00:12:22,061 --> 00:12:24,963
I know what you're going to ask.
284
00:12:24,964 --> 00:12:28,132
Who designed this breathtaking home?
285
00:12:28,798 --> 00:12:30,775
It's a Schindler, actually.
286
00:12:31,693 --> 00:12:33,038
It's very quaint.
287
00:12:33,570 --> 00:12:35,474
You know, I hesitated to call you,
288
00:12:35,475 --> 00:12:38,275
but as I was recently reminded,
289
00:12:38,276 --> 00:12:41,045
there is nothing wrong with two
people going into something
290
00:12:41,046 --> 00:12:44,248
eyes wide open, each wanting
to get something out of it.
291
00:12:44,249 --> 00:12:46,584
- Okay.
- Even if one person
292
00:12:46,585 --> 00:12:49,320
demonstrably has far less
to offer than the other.
293
00:12:49,321 --> 00:12:50,956
- That makes sense.
- I've prepared
294
00:12:50,957 --> 00:12:54,459
some of my favorite
hors d'oeuvres for us.
295
00:12:54,460 --> 00:12:56,127
This here...
296
00:12:56,128 --> 00:12:57,695
duck p�t�.
297
00:12:57,696 --> 00:12:59,631
Don't ask what it is; just enjoy it.
298
00:12:59,632 --> 00:13:00,333
(CHUCKLES)
299
00:13:00,334 --> 00:13:02,400
Are you thirsty? Would
you like a drink?
300
00:13:02,401 --> 00:13:07,072
I'd like you to try a
very special scotch.
301
00:13:07,073 --> 00:13:10,575
It's called Laga-vul-in.
302
00:13:10,576 --> 00:13:14,078
16, as in that is how old this is.
303
00:13:14,079 --> 00:13:16,113
Sorry, I just can't
do Lagavulin anymore.
304
00:13:16,114 --> 00:13:19,483
Do you have any Japanese
single malts? Like Hibiki 21?
305
00:13:19,484 --> 00:13:21,852
Kendrick Lamar introduced
me to it when I was doing
306
00:13:21,853 --> 00:13:23,621
the deal for his line
of bulletproof hats.
307
00:13:23,622 --> 00:13:26,323
Wait. (SNICKERS) Hold
on. What's happening?
308
00:13:26,324 --> 00:13:29,394
I thought... I thought you
worked at The Fox and Hounds.
309
00:13:29,395 --> 00:13:31,029
Uh, when I was 22.
310
00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:33,131
But you know I'm an
entertainment lawyer now?
311
00:13:33,132 --> 00:13:35,100
Come on, Jimmy.
312
00:13:35,101 --> 00:13:36,834
You can tell me.
313
00:13:36,835 --> 00:13:38,737
Whose house is this?
314
00:13:38,738 --> 00:13:42,406
- This is my home.
- Okay. How much do you need?
315
00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:45,242
You're not the first person from
home to call me out of the blue
316
00:13:45,243 --> 00:13:46,678
and hit me up for money.
317
00:13:46,679 --> 00:13:48,313
No, I...
318
00:13:48,314 --> 00:13:51,249
I don't need money.
319
00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:54,557
I'm a... I'm a bestselling novelist.
320
00:13:54,558 --> 00:13:55,754
You don't know?
321
00:13:55,755 --> 00:13:58,123
Well, then I'm not that much
higher status than you.
322
00:13:58,124 --> 00:14:00,424
How are you higher status than me?!
323
00:14:00,425 --> 00:14:02,861
(LAUGHS): Oh!
324
00:14:02,862 --> 00:14:06,699
Jimmy, you chav!
325
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:07,987
(LAUGHING)
326
00:14:09,253 --> 00:14:12,703
Hey. What was that name we
used to call you back home?
327
00:14:12,704 --> 00:14:15,541
Oh, oh, I remember... Mouse
Boy and Jizz Magnet.
328
00:14:15,542 --> 00:14:16,895
What was the other one?
329
00:14:18,035 --> 00:14:19,144
Shitty Jimmy.
330
00:14:19,145 --> 00:14:21,546
(LAUGHING): That was it. Shitty Jimmy!
331
00:14:21,547 --> 00:14:23,147
(GASPS) Oh, my God,
332
00:14:23,148 --> 00:14:24,716
I can still remember the song.
333
00:14:24,717 --> 00:14:26,484
? Shitty Jimmy ?
334
00:14:26,485 --> 00:14:28,086
? Look at Shitty Jimmy ?
335
00:14:28,087 --> 00:14:30,789
? Shitty Jimmy with his
little shitty... ?
336
00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:32,357
Wha...? ? With his little shitty ?
337
00:14:32,358 --> 00:14:33,891
? Little, li... ? What was it? Come on.
338
00:14:33,892 --> 00:14:35,492
Come on, what was it? Come on.
339
00:14:35,493 --> 00:14:37,495
? With his little shitty face. ?
340
00:14:37,496 --> 00:14:40,232
Yes! ? With his little shitty face. ?
341
00:14:40,233 --> 00:14:43,434
Ha! Shitty Jimmy!
342
00:14:43,435 --> 00:14:45,621
? Shitty Jimmy with his
little shitty face, whoo! ?
343
00:14:46,639 --> 00:14:51,138
Okay, I texted him.
"Hey. I'm just not sure
344
00:14:51,139 --> 00:14:53,775
I'm ready for camping.
Hope that's okay."
345
00:14:53,776 --> 00:14:56,745
Look at you... telling
someone what you need.
346
00:14:56,746 --> 00:15:00,617
_
347
00:15:00,618 --> 00:15:02,266
Yeah, that'd be fine.
348
00:15:02,267 --> 00:15:05,086
BECCA (LAUGHS): And I was like,
"Sorry you got triggered
349
00:15:05,087 --> 00:15:08,524
Snowflakes. Go back to
your 'safe space.'"
350
00:15:08,525 --> 00:15:10,091
Look, Mommy.
351
00:15:10,092 --> 00:15:13,161
An important Los Angeles
magazine did a piece
352
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,530
on my boss, Priscilla, and you
could see me in the background
353
00:15:15,531 --> 00:15:16,832
with some work friends.
354
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,567
(LAUGHS) "Friends"?
355
00:15:18,568 --> 00:15:20,968
That's why not of them showed
up at your divorce party.
356
00:15:20,969 --> 00:15:22,303
FAYE: Well, that's rude.
357
00:15:22,304 --> 00:15:23,471
I've been hundreds of parties
358
00:15:23,472 --> 00:15:24,673
for people I don't like.
359
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,040
Bob Baliban. Heather Locklear.
360
00:15:26,041 --> 00:15:28,343
- (SIGHS): Ooh.
- Stevie Wonder.
361
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,611
He can see, you know.
362
00:15:29,612 --> 00:15:31,045
FAYE: Okay. I have to go
363
00:15:31,046 --> 00:15:33,014
- get ready for Piloxing.
- Oh!
364
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,850
(LAUGHS)
365
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:38,586
Listen, you backstabbing suck-butt,
366
00:15:38,587 --> 00:15:41,023
my entire life you have been nothing
367
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:45,059
but a source of underminery
and hurtful, bitchy faces.
368
00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,928
- Oh...
- I am not a real person,
369
00:15:46,929 --> 00:15:48,197
and it's all your fault.
370
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,597
So, Becca,
371
00:15:49,598 --> 00:15:51,433
my only sister...
372
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,736
we are officially through.
373
00:15:53,737 --> 00:15:56,371
You're... seriously gonna stand there,
374
00:15:56,372 --> 00:16:00,576
probably softly farting
as usual, and blame me
375
00:16:00,577 --> 00:16:03,516
for your life being an actual 9/11?
376
00:16:03,517 --> 00:16:06,080
I had the same challenges
growing up, and look at me.
377
00:16:06,081 --> 00:16:08,583
I'm living in a real
house with real friends
378
00:16:08,584 --> 00:16:11,363
- who aren't disgusting monsters...
- Hey!
379
00:16:11,364 --> 00:16:14,021
And I'm married to a successful doctor.
380
00:16:14,022 --> 00:16:16,357
Blame me for your life? Uh-uh.
381
00:16:16,358 --> 00:16:17,717
Sorry, peaches.
382
00:16:17,718 --> 00:16:19,961
You can try and blame other people,
383
00:16:19,962 --> 00:16:24,031
but, like the actual 9/11,
you did it to yourself.
384
00:16:24,032 --> 00:16:25,117
(GASPS)
385
00:16:27,238 --> 00:16:28,445
Ow!
386
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:29,637
(GRUNTS)
387
00:16:29,638 --> 00:16:31,739
Oh, you want a titty twist?
388
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,926
- I'll show you a titty twist!
- Ow!
389
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,980
- You don't want none of this!
- I'm the titty twist champion!
390
00:16:37,981 --> 00:16:39,881
Bitch, I will spray your milk
all over this goddamn room!
391
00:16:39,882 --> 00:16:41,449
Give me a tit, and I'll twist it raw!
392
00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:43,284
- It's gonna be like a dairy.
- FAYE: Girls.
393
00:16:43,285 --> 00:16:45,988
- (SHOUTING CONTINUES)
- Girls!
394
00:16:45,989 --> 00:16:48,257
Shit, shit, shit! Don't stop yet!
395
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,758
FAYE (OVER SPEAKER): Well,
Officer, if you're gonna
396
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,427
search the place, I suggest you start
397
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,694
under my sweater.
398
00:16:53,695 --> 00:16:55,396
- (SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
- (FAYE LAUGHING)
399
00:16:55,397 --> 00:16:56,557
Am I talking?
400
00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,060
Vernon!
401
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,587
Oh, shit!
402
00:17:02,914 --> 00:17:05,006
Vernon, your dumb speaker is
403
00:17:05,007 --> 00:17:06,774
blasting filth all over the house!
404
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,476
- Turn that off!
- (FAYE MOANING OVER VIDEO)
405
00:17:08,477 --> 00:17:09,477
Is that...
406
00:17:09,478 --> 00:17:11,379
Mommy?!
407
00:17:11,380 --> 00:17:12,380
G-Get out of here!
408
00:17:12,381 --> 00:17:14,116
Jesus, I'm busy! I'm...
409
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,651
(GASPS) Oh, man, them boobies.
410
00:17:16,652 --> 00:17:18,486
(MOANING LOUDLY)
411
00:17:18,487 --> 00:17:20,540
(LINDSAY LAUGHING)
412
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,625
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
413
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,494
(LINDSAY LAUGHING)
414
00:17:26,495 --> 00:17:28,162
Worldstar!
415
00:17:28,163 --> 00:17:30,731
Okay. I'm off to Equinox.
416
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,188
I just wanted Mom to think I
had everything figured out.
417
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:39,542
I didn't want her to know
that we have no money!
418
00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:44,030
And that I'm married to a
talking penis in a clown wig!
419
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:47,367
(SOBBING)
420
00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:53,681
My life is shit.
421
00:17:54,690 --> 00:17:56,424
(SOBBING)
422
00:17:56,425 --> 00:17:58,359
Why do you think I go through a c...
423
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,461
a case of Kendall-Jackson a week?
424
00:18:00,462 --> 00:18:02,129
(SNIFFLES)
425
00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:04,149
(SOBBING)
426
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,543
We're both messed up.
427
00:18:15,544 --> 00:18:16,777
Who's L.D.P.?
428
00:18:16,778 --> 00:18:19,447
(LAUGHS) Lou Diamond Phillips.
429
00:18:19,448 --> 00:18:21,040
He played La Bamba.
430
00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:23,679
Mom dated him for, like, three years.
431
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:26,104
- He was the best.
- La Bamba?
432
00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:30,992
(YOUNG FAYE LAUGHS IN VIDEO)
433
00:18:30,993 --> 00:18:32,994
YOUNG FAYE (ON TV): I can't
get this bikini to stay on.
434
00:18:32,995 --> 00:18:34,614
Aftershock.
435
00:18:41,819 --> 00:18:46,474
Okay, well, how about
if two pelicans agree
436
00:18:46,475 --> 00:18:49,310
to fill their beaks with rocks
and jump into the ocean?
437
00:18:49,311 --> 00:18:50,464
That's not a parody.
438
00:18:50,465 --> 00:18:52,380
They actually did that in the movie.
439
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,116
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
440
00:18:54,117 --> 00:18:56,117
It's open!
441
00:18:56,118 --> 00:18:59,023
Hope this is really delicious.
442
00:18:59,024 --> 00:19:01,540
I had to pass up three
gigs to come back.
443
00:19:03,292 --> 00:19:04,525
Thanks for that.
444
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:06,687
Sorry.
445
00:19:08,130 --> 00:19:11,999
Hey, did you know me and Edgar
served in Iraq together?
446
00:19:12,510 --> 00:19:13,834
Oh, yeah.
447
00:19:13,835 --> 00:19:15,270
Apparently he's real embarrassed
448
00:19:15,271 --> 00:19:17,271
for people to know that he's a vet.
449
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,617
I guess he thinks he's better than me.
450
00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:22,161
But he ain't shit.
451
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,490
Never was.
452
00:19:28,453 --> 00:19:29,835
You know what?
453
00:19:31,553 --> 00:19:33,287
Why don't you come over here
454
00:19:33,288 --> 00:19:35,842
and spread this chimichurri
sauce on my steak for me?
455
00:19:37,041 --> 00:19:38,826
(SCOFFS)
456
00:19:38,827 --> 00:19:41,362
Yeah, that ain't gonna happen.
457
00:19:41,363 --> 00:19:43,865
(LAUGHS) You spread
458
00:19:43,866 --> 00:19:47,668
that chimichurri on my steak,
459
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:51,138
this 50 is yours and you
get a five star rating.
460
00:19:51,139 --> 00:19:52,509
You don't...
461
00:19:53,121 --> 00:19:56,810
you get nothing and I give you one star.
462
00:19:58,368 --> 00:20:02,350
I don't care either way, 'cause
50 bucks don't mean shit to me.
463
00:20:02,351 --> 00:20:04,169
Oh, damn.
464
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:44,659
(CHILDREN SHOUTING IN VIDEO)
465
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,113
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
466
00:20:47,586 --> 00:20:50,012
Tag, you're it!
467
00:20:50,013 --> 00:20:52,042
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- Mom!
468
00:20:52,524 --> 00:20:53,841
YOUNG FAYE (ON TV):
Kids, please, please,
469
00:20:53,842 --> 00:20:54,843
get out of the frame, kids.
470
00:20:54,844 --> 00:20:56,512
Get out of the frame, kids!
471
00:20:56,513 --> 00:20:57,771
Thanks. (CLEARS THROAT)
472
00:20:57,772 --> 00:21:00,983
Faye Cottumaccio reading
for the role of Marsha.
473
00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:05,499
Mr. Belvedere, did the agency send you?
474
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:07,134
Have you guys noticed a pattern?
475
00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:08,801
It was the '80s, Gretch.
476
00:21:08,802 --> 00:21:10,770
You put some triangles and
squiggly lines on a shirt
477
00:21:10,771 --> 00:21:12,406
and called it fashion.
478
00:21:12,407 --> 00:21:13,407
(LINDSAY CHUCKLES)
479
00:21:13,408 --> 00:21:15,042
Your mother is completely
480
00:21:15,043 --> 00:21:16,843
neglecting you in all these tapes.
481
00:21:16,844 --> 00:21:19,313
- Mom! Mom!
- GRETCHEN: She doesn't give a shit
482
00:21:19,314 --> 00:21:21,300
about anything you're doing.
483
00:21:24,469 --> 00:21:27,154
- Holy shit.
- You're right.
484
00:21:27,155 --> 00:21:30,591
It's Mom's fault you turned out
to be a giant toddler with boobs
485
00:21:30,592 --> 00:21:33,160
and I drink a touch too
much here and there.
486
00:21:33,161 --> 00:21:35,329
I am sorry, Becca.
487
00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:38,532
Me, too.
488
00:21:38,533 --> 00:21:41,533
We should tell her we're the
ones who need a break from her.
489
00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:42,669
BECCA: What's the point?
490
00:21:42,670 --> 00:21:45,372
She'll just start crying and
tell us how she got the clap
491
00:21:45,373 --> 00:21:47,741
from the sound guy on Trapper John, M.D.
492
00:21:47,742 --> 00:21:49,343
Bec.
493
00:21:49,344 --> 00:21:51,545
- Wha...?
- The only way our lives
494
00:21:51,546 --> 00:21:55,005
are going to get fixed is
if we fix them ourselves.
495
00:21:58,569 --> 00:21:59,735
You're right.
496
00:22:06,577 --> 00:22:07,961
She is.
497
00:22:07,962 --> 00:22:10,364
Yo, do you guys mind leaving for a bit?
498
00:22:10,365 --> 00:22:11,865
I need some sleep.
499
00:22:11,866 --> 00:22:13,967
I closed my eyes to
sneeze a little while ago
500
00:22:13,968 --> 00:22:15,943
and I woke up eight minutes later.
501
00:22:16,704 --> 00:22:18,905
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
502
00:22:18,906 --> 00:22:20,366
(KATHERINE LAUGHING)
503
00:22:20,367 --> 00:22:22,709
What about when we locked
you in the school basement
504
00:22:22,710 --> 00:22:24,311
and we wouldn't let you out
505
00:22:24,312 --> 00:22:26,647
until you put your little
willy through the keyhole?
506
00:22:26,648 --> 00:22:28,281
(KATHERINE LAUGHS)
507
00:22:28,282 --> 00:22:30,071
It was so tiny.
508
00:22:30,072 --> 00:22:31,852
- Well, it's not anymore.
- (LAUGHING)
509
00:22:31,853 --> 00:22:33,353
It's bigger now.
510
00:22:33,354 --> 00:22:34,888
And guess what?
511
00:22:34,889 --> 00:22:36,922
You just blew your chance
at ever seeing it.
512
00:22:36,923 --> 00:22:39,159
Oh! Oh, Jimmy!
513
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,453
Did you think we might shag?
514
00:22:41,454 --> 00:22:43,652
(LAUGHS)
515
00:22:43,653 --> 00:22:45,060
All right.
516
00:22:45,061 --> 00:22:47,472
That's it! I think we're done here.
517
00:22:47,473 --> 00:22:49,903
This was a complete waste of time.
518
00:22:49,904 --> 00:22:52,539
I got nothing out of this utter debacle!
519
00:22:52,540 --> 00:22:54,508
Me, neither.
520
00:22:55,608 --> 00:22:57,630
Do you promise it got bigger?
521
00:22:59,631 --> 00:23:02,901
(MOANING, GRUNTING)
522
00:23:09,641 --> 00:23:11,977
(FAINT GRUNTING)
523
00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:18,565
? She was a shark smile
in a yellow van ?
524
00:23:18,566 --> 00:23:22,436
? She came around and I stole a glance ?
525
00:23:22,437 --> 00:23:24,537
? In my youth, a vampire ?
526
00:23:24,538 --> 00:23:28,974
? Evelyn shown quiet as roses sting ?
527
00:23:28,975 --> 00:23:32,290
? It came over me at a bad time... ?
528
00:23:32,292 --> 00:23:33,838
Damn it.
529
00:23:33,839 --> 00:23:37,951
? But who wouldn't ride
on a moonlit line? ?
530
00:23:37,952 --> 00:23:39,553
? Had her in my eye ?
531
00:23:39,554 --> 00:23:43,256
? 85 down the road of a dead-end gleam ?
532
00:23:43,257 --> 00:23:45,258
? And she said, "Woo"... ?
533
00:23:45,259 --> 00:23:48,061
Seriously, what is wrong with me?
534
00:23:48,062 --> 00:23:51,465
(PANTING)
535
00:23:51,466 --> 00:23:53,432
? And I said, "Woo" ?
536
00:23:53,434 --> 00:23:55,473
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
537
00:23:55,523 --> 00:24:00,073
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38619
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof