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1
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_
2
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What are you reading?
3
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Charles's ex-wife wrote a book.
4
00:00:09,330 --> 00:00:11,613
It's like a thinly disguised
tell-all of their marriage.
5
00:00:11,693 --> 00:00:13,696
- Are you in it?
- Shh.
6
00:00:16,060 --> 00:00:17,642
It's supposed to be fiction,
7
00:00:17,742 --> 00:00:20,086
but really it's like a
blow-by-blow account
8
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of their life, like no holds barred.
9
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Yeah, no holes barred either,
10
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judging from the time she spent in LA.
11
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You know what?
12
00:00:27,116 --> 00:00:29,039
I'm actually not really supposed
to let you be reading this.
13
00:00:29,119 --> 00:00:31,022
I'm not reading. I'm... I'm stretching.
14
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Wait, wait, no, no,
don't turn that page.
15
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It's really good, Kelsey.
16
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God, it's so well-written.
17
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Oh, who cares?
18
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I just want to hear
about you and Charles
19
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almost having sex on his desk.
20
00:00:42,419 --> 00:00:44,643
Ugh! I don't know what happened, Maggie.
21
00:00:44,743 --> 00:00:45,845
I just... I, like, went for it.
22
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I wasn't even thinking.
23
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- Well, good.
- No, not good.
24
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I would have had to
have told him my age,
25
00:00:51,954 --> 00:00:54,157
and that would mean breaking
the promise I made with Kelsey.
26
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And then out of nowhere,
27
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Pauline shows up with this book.
28
00:00:57,562 --> 00:00:59,004
It's like the universe is
slamming the brakes on us.
29
00:00:59,084 --> 00:01:00,506
Oh, don't blame the universe.
30
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It's a nut-job ex-wife that caused this.
31
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,633
Maybe she's not a nut-job.
32
00:01:04,733 --> 00:01:06,495
She completely lied to
you about who she was.
33
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Yeah, what kind of nut-job would do that?
34
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[CROWING]
35
00:01:09,420 --> 00:01:11,082
- Did you hear that?
- Since 6am!
36
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I think it's coming from the roof.
37
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[CLUCKING]
38
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What the hell?
39
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Oh, good morning.
40
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I'm Deane and this is my husband Joe.
41
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Hello.
42
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Uh, I think the co-op
board clearly stipulates
43
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no cock on the roof.
44
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Oh, my God, I love you!
45
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[LAUGHS] Please, help yourself
to some freshly-laid eggs.
46
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We just opened our
farm-to-table restaurant.
47
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Yarrow. It's down on Havemeyer.
Have you seen it?
48
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Hey, I walked by there the other day.
49
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It's a beautiful space.
50
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Well, now that you've been to the farm,
51
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you have to come to the table.
52
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Yes, please. It's the least we can do
53
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to make up for all this noise.
54
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- How's tomorrow night?
- Perfect.
55
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You won't believe your mouth.
56
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[CLUCKING]
57
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- Synced and corrected by AngMeng -
- www.addic7ed.com -
58
00:02:02,659 --> 00:02:04,763
Okay, okay, did you read page 58?
59
00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:07,086
Yes, and I'm trying very
hard to forget I ever did.
60
00:02:07,186 --> 00:02:09,690
Oh! I mean, who knew
Charles had it in him?
61
00:02:09,790 --> 00:02:11,733
He's so buttoned up.
62
00:02:11,833 --> 00:02:13,516
I mean, how am I ever gonna
look at him the same way again?
63
00:02:13,596 --> 00:02:15,419
Yeah, but it's not Charles. It's Carl.
64
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Did you read page 58?
65
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I am still sweating.
66
00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,586
Stay professional, Kelsey.
67
00:02:20,686 --> 00:02:22,129
There are so many salacious
details in this book.
68
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It is gonna be huge.
69
00:02:23,771 --> 00:02:25,554
And the prose is literary grade.
70
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She really does have a voice.
71
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No one is more shocked than me.
72
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I mean, I knew Pauline
wrote a few articles for
73
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"Allure" and "Elle," but
74
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I thought after she
had the kids, she just
75
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,069
stopped writing to join the ranks of
the undernourished mommy zombies
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of the Upper East Side.
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Good morning.
78
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- Charles.
- Morning.
79
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- Hi.
- Diana, can I speak to you?
80
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Of course.
81
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Liza, anal... coffee, coffee, eh...
82
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You read it?
83
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I did.
84
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It's good.
85
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I know.
86
00:03:05,874 --> 00:03:07,517
I honestly have no idea
how to handle this.
87
00:03:07,597 --> 00:03:10,461
Well, if someone else publishes it,
88
00:03:10,561 --> 00:03:12,664
then you are cannon fodder
for the New York media.
89
00:03:12,764 --> 00:03:15,909
But if you publish it,
you seem like the bigger person,
90
00:03:16,009 --> 00:03:18,393
and you get to control the narrative.
91
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- Publish it.
- [DOOR OPENS]
92
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And have my private life spilled out
93
00:03:21,738 --> 00:03:23,060
for everybody to see? No, thank you.
94
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I'll have our lawyers shut her down,
95
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serve her a cease-and-desist letter.
96
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I will find out what our options are.
97
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Liza, get Legal on the phone.
98
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There's always time for lawyers.
99
00:03:32,194 --> 00:03:33,816
Why not just talk to her first?
100
00:03:33,916 --> 00:03:35,518
Look, the reason Pauline
came to PitchFest
101
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and gave me the book
102
00:03:37,281 --> 00:03:39,945
was because she wanted
to get your attention.
103
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:41,748
Yeah, well, it's true
104
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I haven't been communicating
with her directly,
105
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but I've been...
106
00:03:47,176 --> 00:03:48,999
Well, it's been difficult.
107
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Have dinner with her tonight.
108
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I'd be happy to stay with the kids.
109
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That's very kind of you.
110
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I'll think about it.
111
00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:59,815
Whatever you decide to do,
do it quickly.
112
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I have sources out there who say
113
00:04:01,678 --> 00:04:03,881
there are other publishers
who've heard about the book
114
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and are circling.
115
00:04:05,684 --> 00:04:08,127
Yeah.
116
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:18,844
You can go now.
117
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Okay.
118
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[ROCK MUSIC]
119
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? ?
120
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[SHRIEKS]
121
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Who are you? I have pepper spray.
122
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No, no, no, no, I'm Ethan.
123
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I don't care what your name is! Get out!
124
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Whoa, whoa!
125
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Diana, this is my son.
126
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Your son?
127
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Your son... Ethan.
128
00:04:48,508 --> 00:04:49,930
Yes, that was the big surprise.
129
00:04:50,030 --> 00:04:51,613
My little man is in the house.
130
00:04:51,713 --> 00:04:53,455
[CHUCKLES]
131
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Your son. Yeah.
132
00:04:55,198 --> 00:04:56,620
Hey, can I get the Wi-Fi code?
133
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Yeah, of course, buddy.
134
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It's "Middlemarch."
135
00:04:59,044 --> 00:05:01,327
Oh, and did you remember the
ice cream and the Reddi-wip?
136
00:05:01,407 --> 00:05:03,410
You bet.
137
00:05:03,851 --> 00:05:05,854
Nice one, Dad.
138
00:05:06,455 --> 00:05:08,598
Richard.
139
00:05:08,698 --> 00:05:10,361
A moment, please?
140
00:05:10,461 --> 00:05:12,464
Yeah.
141
00:05:16,029 --> 00:05:17,972
What is going on?
142
00:05:18,072 --> 00:05:20,736
I was expecting champagne
or maybe a double orchid.
143
00:05:20,836 --> 00:05:22,058
I knew you'd be surprised.
144
00:05:22,158 --> 00:05:23,500
Please explain.
145
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,263
Isn't Ethan in college?
146
00:05:25,363 --> 00:05:27,506
He decided to take a pause.
147
00:05:27,606 --> 00:05:29,389
A pause.
148
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With one semester left.
149
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,275
That's why his mother is so upset.
150
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,078
She won't take him in.
151
00:05:35,178 --> 00:05:38,503
Do you mind if he stays
here for a few nights?
152
00:05:40,212 --> 00:05:42,052
Do I mind? Uh...
153
00:05:43,025 --> 00:05:44,932
Of course not.
154
00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:47,616
- Wonderful.
- [LAUGHS]
155
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Is it "Middlemarch" with no spaces?
156
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,063
- Yes.
- Obviously.
157
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[UPBEAT MUSIC]
158
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:59,675
? ?
159
00:05:59,775 --> 00:06:01,778
I shouldn't be long.
160
00:06:02,819 --> 00:06:04,882
Thank you again for
staying with the girls.
161
00:06:04,982 --> 00:06:06,405
It's no problem at all.
162
00:06:06,505 --> 00:06:08,207
They don't know anything yet,
163
00:06:08,307 --> 00:06:10,971
and I think that it's
important to contain this.
164
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,854
I mean, who knows;
165
00:06:12,954 --> 00:06:14,517
Pauline could get on a
plane again tomorrow
166
00:06:14,597 --> 00:06:16,600
and be gone for another year.
167
00:06:17,922 --> 00:06:19,705
I, uh...
168
00:06:19,805 --> 00:06:21,808
Well, I wish you luck.
169
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:27,596
Um, would you mind texting me in an hour
170
00:06:27,696 --> 00:06:29,159
so that I have an excuse to leave?
171
00:06:29,259 --> 00:06:31,983
And now all I need is my phone.
172
00:06:36,097 --> 00:06:38,117
Thank you... again.
173
00:06:38,873 --> 00:06:41,577
And, Liza, I want you to know something.
174
00:06:41,677 --> 00:06:43,901
When Pauline walked out,
175
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I never thought that I
would stop feeling angry.
176
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And then I met you,
177
00:06:48,568 --> 00:06:52,394
and it was like a cloud lifted.
178
00:06:52,494 --> 00:06:54,797
And even if we couldn't be together,
179
00:06:54,897 --> 00:06:58,202
even if you were just
working in the office,
180
00:06:58,302 --> 00:07:01,607
I felt like me again around you.
181
00:07:01,707 --> 00:07:06,455
And I am just so grateful
that you are in my life.
182
00:07:06,555 --> 00:07:10,260
[GENTLE ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC]
183
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:15,563
? ?
184
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,817
Hi.
185
00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:25,163
Hi.
186
00:07:25,263 --> 00:07:27,286
Look, we don't have to do small talk.
187
00:07:27,386 --> 00:07:29,609
I'm sorry.
188
00:07:29,709 --> 00:07:33,816
I'm not the same woman who
walked out on you a year ago.
189
00:07:33,916 --> 00:07:35,939
Can we just start there?
190
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:39,504
[SPRIGHTLY MUSIC]
191
00:07:39,604 --> 00:07:40,706
Uh, uh, uh... Ooh, ooh, ooh!
192
00:07:40,806 --> 00:07:42,268
Can you read me?
193
00:07:42,368 --> 00:07:43,590
Yes.
194
00:07:43,690 --> 00:07:44,712
- Am I a book?
- BOTH: Yes!
195
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,392
Hey! Whoo-hoo!
196
00:07:46,402 --> 00:07:48,490
? Whoo, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ?
197
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,963
- ? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ?
- _
198
00:07:52,063 --> 00:07:54,166
? Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ?
199
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:57,731
- ? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ?
- _
200
00:07:57,831 --> 00:07:59,855
? Well, I don't want to make you wait ?
201
00:07:59,955 --> 00:08:03,220
? While I make up my mind ?
202
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,383
? No, I don't want to make you wait ?
203
00:08:05,483 --> 00:08:08,788
? While I make up mind ?
204
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:11,272
- ? I said oh, oh, oh ?
- _
205
00:08:11,372 --> 00:08:14,557
- ? I've got nothing but time ?
- _
206
00:08:14,657 --> 00:08:17,040
? Oh, oh, oh ?
207
00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:19,404
? I've got nothing but time ?
208
00:08:19,504 --> 00:08:22,168
- ? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ?
- _
209
00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:25,012
? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ?
210
00:08:25,112 --> 00:08:26,775
? Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ?
211
00:08:26,875 --> 00:08:31,061
? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ?
212
00:08:31,161 --> 00:08:32,624
What time is it?
213
00:08:32,724 --> 00:08:34,346
It's late. I'm sorry.
214
00:08:34,446 --> 00:08:37,506
It got... well,
there was just so much...
215
00:08:38,412 --> 00:08:39,854
Can we talk about it in the morning?
216
00:08:39,934 --> 00:08:42,086
I'm exhausted, and I'm sure you are too.
217
00:08:42,096 --> 00:08:43,921
Oh, yeah, of course.
218
00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:45,483
Um, is everything okay?
219
00:08:45,583 --> 00:08:47,886
I called you a car. It's arriving now.
220
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,369
Oh, okay.
221
00:08:49,469 --> 00:08:52,139
Um... uh, good night.
222
00:08:52,149 --> 00:08:53,516
Good night.
223
00:08:55,998 --> 00:08:58,823
? Sky opens wide ?
224
00:08:58,923 --> 00:09:01,387
? You close your eyes ?
225
00:09:01,487 --> 00:09:04,932
? Now it won't find you ?
226
00:09:08,457 --> 00:09:11,462
[SNORING]
227
00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:21,978
How long will he be... visiting?
228
00:09:22,078 --> 00:09:24,622
Just until we get this
school thing figured out.
229
00:09:24,722 --> 00:09:27,386
His mother is really
digging in her heels.
230
00:09:27,486 --> 00:09:31,111
Not everyone has your
level of compassion.
231
00:09:31,211 --> 00:09:35,438
You are incredibly special that way.
232
00:09:35,538 --> 00:09:38,745
I suppose I do have
upper-level compassion.
233
00:09:41,977 --> 00:09:43,389
So? What happened last night?
234
00:09:43,470 --> 00:09:44,772
I'm dying.
235
00:09:44,872 --> 00:09:47,175
He got home really late.
He didn't say much.
236
00:09:47,275 --> 00:09:48,658
He was... he was pretty exhausted.
237
00:09:48,758 --> 00:09:50,782
- Exhausted from what?
- Talking.
238
00:09:50,792 --> 00:09:52,603
Are you sure they were just talking?
239
00:09:52,683 --> 00:09:54,186
Good morning.
240
00:09:54,286 --> 00:09:55,828
Good morning.
241
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,330
Uh, Liza, can I see you in my office?
242
00:09:57,410 --> 00:09:59,413
Of course.
243
00:10:01,016 --> 00:10:03,019
[WHISPERS] Oh, my God.
244
00:10:16,279 --> 00:10:18,262
I'm sorry I was rude last night.
245
00:10:18,362 --> 00:10:20,345
When things get very emotional,
246
00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:22,068
I have a tendency to shut down.
247
00:10:22,168 --> 00:10:23,189
I know.
248
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,232
I suppose you would.
249
00:10:25,332 --> 00:10:26,654
That's one of the major
themes in Pauline's book.
250
00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:28,677
No, I mean I know you.
251
00:10:28,777 --> 00:10:31,622
And I'm sure last night
was very difficult.
252
00:10:34,145 --> 00:10:38,532
When you are in a long
marriage, it's formative.
253
00:10:38,632 --> 00:10:40,896
You go through profound
experiences together,
254
00:10:40,996 --> 00:10:44,221
like having children,
and it makes you who you are.
255
00:10:44,321 --> 00:10:46,023
It's like when two vines grow together
256
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,586
and they turn into one plant.
257
00:10:47,686 --> 00:10:50,230
Sometimes they grow apart, you know,
258
00:10:50,330 --> 00:10:54,114
searching for sunlight in different
directions, but there is still that
259
00:10:54,124 --> 00:10:57,681
part that's all twisted up together.
260
00:10:57,781 --> 00:11:00,125
I can...
261
00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:01,607
imagine.
262
00:11:01,707 --> 00:11:03,450
And that's why I have decided
263
00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:05,332
to publish Pauline's book.
264
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,896
Though I take issue
with how I'm portrayed,
265
00:11:07,996 --> 00:11:09,939
there's a fundamental truth to it,
266
00:11:10,039 --> 00:11:13,064
and I suppose she has a right
to tell her side of the story.
267
00:11:13,164 --> 00:11:15,427
That's incredibly magnanimous of you.
268
00:11:15,527 --> 00:11:17,530
Pauline would still like
the book to be published
269
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,794
by Millennial if you
are receptive to that.
270
00:11:19,894 --> 00:11:21,477
Of course.
271
00:11:21,577 --> 00:11:23,920
I know Kelsey loves the
chapters she's read.
272
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:26,764
Pauline feels like you in particular
273
00:11:26,864 --> 00:11:28,727
get the material.
274
00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:30,470
In fact, she even asked if
you personally could edit.
275
00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:32,673
But I told her that's
not going to happen.
276
00:11:33,715 --> 00:11:35,297
Why not?
277
00:11:35,397 --> 00:11:36,519
I could guide her through the rewrites,
278
00:11:36,599 --> 00:11:38,422
help protect your image.
279
00:11:38,522 --> 00:11:41,667
And, honestly, I really did
connect with the material.
280
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:45,112
That wouldn't be too, uh, uncomfortable?
281
00:11:45,212 --> 00:11:46,714
I've already read page 58.
282
00:11:46,814 --> 00:11:48,817
How much more uncomfortable
could it get?
283
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:55,167
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
284
00:11:55,267 --> 00:11:59,453
? ?
285
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:01,617
This is where Jake
Gyllenhaal sat last week.
286
00:12:01,717 --> 00:12:04,701
He practically creamed
over our parsnip puree.
287
00:12:04,801 --> 00:12:06,504
He really loves his root vegetables.
288
00:12:06,604 --> 00:12:08,607
- Oh! Thank you.
- Thank you.
289
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:11,952
So, as our guests,
290
00:12:12,052 --> 00:12:14,135
everything�s already been
arranged for you, okay?
291
00:12:14,215 --> 00:12:16,319
- No menus necessary.
- Thank you so much.
292
00:12:16,419 --> 00:12:17,721
- You're welcome.
- Excuse us.
293
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,063
The chef will look after you.
294
00:12:19,143 --> 00:12:20,525
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
295
00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:22,608
This place is so much
nicer than I expected.
296
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:25,532
I know. I cant believe.
It used to be the Bodega.
297
00:12:25,632 --> 00:12:26,774
Which I miss, by the way.
298
00:12:26,874 --> 00:12:28,156
I mean, you can't buy a lottery ticket
299
00:12:28,236 --> 00:12:30,139
in this neighborhood anymore.
300
00:12:30,239 --> 00:12:31,782
- Okay, I have some news.
- What?
301
00:12:31,882 --> 00:12:33,945
You know that book that
Charles's wife wrote?
302
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,628
We're gonna publish it.
303
00:12:35,728 --> 00:12:37,250
You're publishing the nut-job�s book?
304
00:12:37,330 --> 00:12:39,774
It could be a best-seller.
I mean, and the good news
305
00:12:39,854 --> 00:12:41,637
is that Pauline wants me to edit it...
306
00:12:41,737 --> 00:12:43,119
- Oh.
- Which is kind of a big deal.
307
00:12:43,219 --> 00:12:44,641
But the bad news is...
308
00:12:44,741 --> 00:12:47,245
- She's Charles's nut-job wife.
- Yeah.
309
00:12:47,345 --> 00:12:49,682
Well, you have the gelato and the pube.
310
00:12:49,692 --> 00:12:50,971
The what?
311
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,773
My Uncle Frank
312
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:54,656
used to go to this
restaurant in Bayside.
313
00:12:54,756 --> 00:12:57,741
It's a family business,
if you know what I mean.
314
00:12:57,841 --> 00:13:00,785
So for dessert, the owner serves him
315
00:13:00,885 --> 00:13:02,308
this big cup of gelato.
316
00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:04,671
It's beautiful. It's gorgeous.
317
00:13:04,771 --> 00:13:07,676
But on top is this crazy black pube
318
00:13:07,776 --> 00:13:09,832
just right there. So what does he do?
319
00:13:09,842 --> 00:13:11,521
I do not know.
320
00:13:11,621 --> 00:13:13,404
He eats it, 'cause he has to.
321
00:13:13,504 --> 00:13:15,547
Otherwise, he'd have a
bottle broken over his head.
322
00:13:15,627 --> 00:13:17,530
These are not analogous situations.
323
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,654
You got a nice thing with a pube on top.
324
00:13:19,754 --> 00:13:21,757
That's all I'm saying.
325
00:13:25,001 --> 00:13:27,065
[PHONE CHIMES]
326
00:13:27,165 --> 00:13:29,508
Zane again.
327
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:31,511
I'm ghosting him.
328
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:32,953
But I zombied last night.
329
00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:34,075
You ate his brains?
330
00:13:34,175 --> 00:13:35,718
I was drinking,
331
00:13:35,818 --> 00:13:37,941
and I accidentally liked
one of his Instagram posts.
332
00:13:38,021 --> 00:13:40,204
- Maybe that means you still like him.
- Are you kidding me?
333
00:13:40,304 --> 00:13:42,207
He's a total asshole.
334
00:13:42,307 --> 00:13:43,990
All of your ex-boyfriends are assholes.
335
00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:46,734
It's not your fault;
you got a broken picker.
336
00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:48,857
- That is not true.
- Oh, come on.
337
00:13:48,957 --> 00:13:50,259
Thad? Colin?
338
00:13:50,359 --> 00:13:53,244
Manorexic college boyfriend?
Don't even get me started
339
00:13:53,324 --> 00:13:54,405
about the high school mullet cheer boy.
340
00:13:54,486 --> 00:13:56,348
All right. What about you?
341
00:13:56,448 --> 00:13:57,951
What about me?
342
00:13:58,051 --> 00:14:00,194
You have weird dodgeball girl,
343
00:14:00,294 --> 00:14:03,079
psychopath Amy/Montana.
344
00:14:03,179 --> 00:14:05,642
And I love Liza, but your
picker done you wrong there.
345
00:14:05,742 --> 00:14:08,407
Okay, okay, okay.
346
00:14:08,507 --> 00:14:09,788
Maybe we should switch phones,
347
00:14:09,869 --> 00:14:11,411
pick each other's Tinder dates.
348
00:14:11,511 --> 00:14:13,013
I bet I could do better than you.
349
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:14,616
I know I could do better than you.
350
00:14:14,716 --> 00:14:15,938
Give me your phone.
351
00:14:16,038 --> 00:14:17,615
I got a better idea.
352
00:14:17,625 --> 00:14:18,946
Live Tinder.
353
00:14:18,956 --> 00:14:20,745
What is live Tinder?
354
00:14:20,845 --> 00:14:23,088
It's a bar. Come on.
355
00:14:27,775 --> 00:14:29,718
Please tell me that's the last course,
356
00:14:29,818 --> 00:14:31,301
�cause I don�t think
I could take another.
357
00:14:31,381 --> 00:14:32,623
Then I'll just leave you with this.
358
00:14:32,703 --> 00:14:35,968
Oh, actually, we were
invited here by the owners.
359
00:14:36,068 --> 00:14:38,091
Honey, Pete Wells just
gave us three stars
360
00:14:38,191 --> 00:14:39,333
in "The New York Times."
361
00:14:39,433 --> 00:14:41,436
It's a privilege just to eat here.
362
00:14:45,842 --> 00:14:47,826
$500?
363
00:14:47,926 --> 00:14:49,929
Well, there's our pube.
364
00:14:53,895 --> 00:14:55,477
Hey, what about him?
365
00:14:55,577 --> 00:14:56,939
He just fist-bumped his friend, Kels.
366
00:14:57,019 --> 00:14:58,281
He's hot.
367
00:14:58,381 --> 00:14:59,543
You know, that's your problem.
368
00:14:59,623 --> 00:15:01,045
You go after
369
00:15:01,145 --> 00:15:02,948
these super competitive alpha male types
370
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,491
who are just out for themselves.
371
00:15:04,591 --> 00:15:05,913
No, I want to find you someone soulful,
372
00:15:05,993 --> 00:15:07,455
someone real.
373
00:15:07,555 --> 00:15:09,899
Well, no handlebar mustaches, okay?
374
00:15:09,999 --> 00:15:11,922
I don't need to be hooking up
with the guy on the Pringle can.
375
00:15:12,002 --> 00:15:13,825
- Okay, fine.
- Hey, what about her?
376
00:15:13,925 --> 00:15:16,388
- No. High maintenance.
- How do you know?
377
00:15:16,488 --> 00:15:18,191
Rhinestones on her cellphone case.
378
00:15:18,291 --> 00:15:20,795
- Bad sign.
- How about her?
379
00:15:20,895 --> 00:15:22,037
Mm.
380
00:15:22,137 --> 00:15:24,641
I... I think I already slept with her.
381
00:15:24,741 --> 00:15:26,844
Oh, you think.
382
00:15:26,944 --> 00:15:29,969
Hey, don't judge, zombie.
383
00:15:30,069 --> 00:15:31,892
I can't believe you paid that bill.
384
00:15:31,992 --> 00:15:33,193
Well, I don't want to be on bad terms
385
00:15:33,274 --> 00:15:34,916
with the people who live
directly over my head.
386
00:15:34,996 --> 00:15:38,021
I should have pulled their
fire alarm on the way out.
387
00:15:38,121 --> 00:15:39,383
IDs, ladies?
388
00:15:39,483 --> 00:15:41,506
[LAUGHS] Look at my neck.
389
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:44,110
Josh and Kelsey, 12 o'clock.
390
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:47,034
Oh, it's okay. Yeah, we're good.
391
00:15:47,134 --> 00:15:48,516
- Hey.
- Hi.
392
00:15:48,616 --> 00:15:50,600
- Hey.
- You guys here to get stupid?
393
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,482
We already did that.
We're here for a drink.
394
00:15:52,582 --> 00:15:54,585
- Hey.
- Hi.
395
00:15:56,628 --> 00:15:58,411
Drinks on me! What do you guys want?
396
00:15:58,511 --> 00:15:59,813
- Vodka tonic.
- Me too.
397
00:15:59,913 --> 00:16:02,637
- Whiskey, please.
- Okeydokey.
398
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:05,903
- Hi.
- Hey.
399
00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:07,265
What can I get you, miss?
400
00:16:07,365 --> 00:16:08,827
Your accent, for starters.
401
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:11,671
That's only available in a small village
402
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,955
30 miles outside of Dublin, I'm afraid.
403
00:16:14,055 --> 00:16:15,533
Oh, I've always wanted to go to Ireland.
404
00:16:15,543 --> 00:16:17,389
I did a concentration in
Irish literature in college.
405
00:16:17,399 --> 00:16:18,499
James Joyce?
406
00:16:18,509 --> 00:16:20,172
I love James Joyce. Don't get me wrong.
407
00:16:20,182 --> 00:16:21,998
But I secretly love Bram Stoker more.
408
00:16:22,008 --> 00:16:24,691
God love ya and your
dark and populist soul.
409
00:16:24,791 --> 00:16:25,933
[LAUGHS]
410
00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:27,674
- I'm Clare.
- Liza.
411
00:16:27,684 --> 00:16:29,578
What are you drinking, Liza?
412
00:16:29,678 --> 00:16:31,100
Oh, two vodka tonics
413
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,582
and a Widow Jane neat, please.
414
00:16:32,682 --> 00:16:34,585
Oh, I know who that's for.
415
00:16:34,685 --> 00:16:36,588
Muscles over there.
416
00:16:36,688 --> 00:16:38,151
You know him?
417
00:16:38,251 --> 00:16:39,553
Only from here.
418
00:16:39,653 --> 00:16:40,875
He's in that band, right?
419
00:16:40,975 --> 00:16:42,277
But I can tell.
420
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:44,921
Those tattoos. The big smile.
421
00:16:45,021 --> 00:16:46,466
He's a player if there ever was one.
422
00:16:47,304 --> 00:16:48,767
Well, you're wrong.
423
00:16:48,867 --> 00:16:51,464
Josh is the kindest, most genuine,
424
00:16:52,432 --> 00:16:54,190
loyal human being I've ever met.
425
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,181
- Is he, now?
- All right.
426
00:16:56,191 --> 00:16:58,616
Maggie says, and I quote,
"Where the hell is my drink?"
427
00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,606
Josh, will you tell Clare
428
00:17:00,616 --> 00:17:02,447
what your favorite thing
to do on your birthday is?
429
00:17:02,457 --> 00:17:04,650
You know, the thing that
you do every single year?
430
00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:07,435
I... I bake about 100
dog treats at my house,
431
00:17:07,535 --> 00:17:09,117
and I bring them to the pound.
432
00:17:09,217 --> 00:17:10,920
Dogs go crazy for them. They love it.
433
00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:13,964
Josh, this is Clare.
Clare, this is Josh.
434
00:17:14,064 --> 00:17:16,067
[LAUGHS]
435
00:17:17,132 --> 00:17:18,331
Clare?
436
00:17:18,431 --> 00:17:20,314
[LAUGHS]
437
00:17:20,658 --> 00:17:23,064
You don't really bake
your own dog biscuits.
438
00:17:23,074 --> 00:17:24,426
Yeah, I do.
439
00:17:24,436 --> 00:17:26,704
They're made of, like, 90% bacon,
440
00:17:26,804 --> 00:17:28,306
and they're delicious.
441
00:17:28,406 --> 00:17:31,791
I... I notice you make your own bitters.
442
00:17:31,891 --> 00:17:33,754
You pick that up in Ireland or...
443
00:17:33,854 --> 00:17:35,036
Is it that obvious?
444
00:17:35,136 --> 00:17:37,010
Plus the Claddagh ring.
445
00:17:39,823 --> 00:17:41,606
Well, you're very observant.
446
00:17:41,706 --> 00:17:44,284
I also notice the heart
is pointing outward.
447
00:17:44,294 --> 00:17:46,333
And what do you know about that?
448
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:50,553
Well, I think it means
that you are waiting
449
00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:52,767
for your heart to be captured.
450
00:17:52,777 --> 00:17:54,143
Maybe.
451
00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:01,295
[SIGHS]
452
00:18:02,377 --> 00:18:06,804
? ?
453
00:18:06,904 --> 00:18:09,648
Oh, it's bewildering to Irish people.
454
00:18:09,748 --> 00:18:13,186
I mean, New York,
New Jersey, New Hampshire.
455
00:18:13,196 --> 00:18:14,196
Wow.
456
00:18:14,206 --> 00:18:15,834
All named after English places.
457
00:18:15,878 --> 00:18:17,420
Yeah.
458
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,953
I mean, where's your
originality, America?
459
00:18:18,963 --> 00:18:20,116
- Oh!
- [LAUGHS]
460
00:18:20,126 --> 00:18:23,109
How about New Tahiti?
461
00:18:23,209 --> 00:18:25,633
Ah, look. Sun's coming up.
462
00:18:25,733 --> 00:18:27,736
Oh, shite.
463
00:18:28,657 --> 00:18:30,440
Let's go get breakfast, hmm?
464
00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:31,802
I'd love to.
465
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:34,125
But I've got to get to my day job.
466
00:18:34,225 --> 00:18:35,247
Ah.
467
00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:36,609
Well, it's an internship
468
00:18:36,709 --> 00:18:38,212
at a video game design company.
469
00:18:38,312 --> 00:18:41,496
Shut up. You design video games.
470
00:18:41,596 --> 00:18:44,862
Right now, I'm just coding
a teeny part of one game.
471
00:18:44,962 --> 00:18:47,666
- Ahh.
- Which is absolutely thrilling,
472
00:18:47,766 --> 00:18:50,410
but it's in Chelsea, so I have to go.
473
00:18:53,407 --> 00:18:59,781
? ?
474
00:19:00,425 --> 00:19:02,248
Chelsea's English too, isn't it?
475
00:19:02,348 --> 00:19:04,351
[LAUGHS]
476
00:19:04,361 --> 00:19:06,073
- Text me.
- Yeah, I will.
477
00:19:07,538 --> 00:19:10,420
Soon. Like today soon.
478
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:14,766
- I'm gonna text you right now.
- ? ?
479
00:19:14,846 --> 00:19:17,751
? You spin me off the ground ?
480
00:19:17,851 --> 00:19:19,674
? ?
481
00:19:19,774 --> 00:19:21,436
Thank you so much for meeting me
482
00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:23,680
and, well, for everything.
483
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:25,562
I haven't really done anything yet.
484
00:19:25,662 --> 00:19:28,767
But you are gonna edit my book, right?
485
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,169
I thought a lot about it,
486
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:31,852
and I definitely want to do it,
487
00:19:31,952 --> 00:19:33,795
but let's just start
with the first chapter
488
00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:35,738
and see how we work together.
489
00:19:35,838 --> 00:19:38,462
If either one of us is unhappy,
we can just part ways...
490
00:19:38,562 --> 00:19:39,624
no harm, no foul.
491
00:19:39,724 --> 00:19:40,905
Sound good?
492
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:42,388
Yes.
493
00:19:42,488 --> 00:19:44,791
Just don't tiptoe around my feelings.
494
00:19:44,891 --> 00:19:45,933
I need you to be ruthless.
495
00:19:46,013 --> 00:19:47,676
- Oh, I will be.
- Good.
496
00:19:47,776 --> 00:19:50,440
Because I am sick of
polite conversation.
497
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:53,364
I have been drowning in it for years.
498
00:19:53,464 --> 00:19:54,967
If you're gonna be my editor,
499
00:19:55,067 --> 00:19:57,070
I want to hear your
most brutal criticism.
500
00:19:58,472 --> 00:20:00,054
Okay, you want me to be brutal?
501
00:20:00,154 --> 00:20:01,777
Yep.
502
00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:04,020
Your book is wonderful.
503
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,943
But women are not going to understand
504
00:20:06,043 --> 00:20:08,927
how you could leave your
kids for a year to write it.
505
00:20:10,289 --> 00:20:11,311
Fair.
506
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,234
Many women, most women,
507
00:20:13,334 --> 00:20:15,357
give up a lot to be mothers.
508
00:20:15,457 --> 00:20:16,919
What makes you the exception?
509
00:20:17,019 --> 00:20:19,764
I'm not the exception.
510
00:20:19,864 --> 00:20:21,366
I'm the norm.
511
00:20:21,466 --> 00:20:24,571
Women do the emotional
labor of the family,
512
00:20:24,671 --> 00:20:25,973
and it's just expected.
513
00:20:26,073 --> 00:20:27,736
And no one would bat an eye
514
00:20:27,836 --> 00:20:29,278
if a man checked out for
a while to write a book.
515
00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:31,461
They do it all the time.
516
00:20:31,561 --> 00:20:34,786
I was so tired of being a nonperson,
517
00:20:34,886 --> 00:20:37,831
the wife on my successful husband's arm.
518
00:20:37,931 --> 00:20:39,373
And I didn't want my girls growing up
519
00:20:39,453 --> 00:20:41,957
thinking that's the norm.
520
00:20:42,057 --> 00:20:44,000
When I started writing again,
521
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:47,285
I just found this part of myself
I thought was gone forever.
522
00:20:47,385 --> 00:20:50,289
And the stories I wrote
were funny and true,
523
00:20:50,389 --> 00:20:52,052
and they... they gave me insight
524
00:20:52,152 --> 00:20:55,057
into this crazy New York literary world
525
00:20:55,157 --> 00:20:58,301
that had just swallowed me up.
526
00:20:58,401 --> 00:21:03,189
I did this for my family, for my girls.
527
00:21:03,289 --> 00:21:05,753
I just hope Charles realizes that.
528
00:21:05,853 --> 00:21:07,014
Maybe you shouldn't be so focused
529
00:21:07,094 --> 00:21:08,477
on what Charles thinks.
530
00:21:08,577 --> 00:21:10,680
Liza, are you kidding? I love him.
531
00:21:10,780 --> 00:21:12,803
I am out of my mind for him.
532
00:21:12,903 --> 00:21:15,487
I always have been.
533
00:21:15,587 --> 00:21:17,250
Can you understand that?
534
00:21:17,350 --> 00:21:19,533
Yeah.
535
00:21:19,633 --> 00:21:21,496
Yeah, I can.
536
00:21:21,596 --> 00:21:24,501
Look, I know he's gonna
ask you how it's going,
537
00:21:24,601 --> 00:21:26,944
working with me.
538
00:21:27,044 --> 00:21:29,308
And when he does,
539
00:21:29,408 --> 00:21:31,451
please be kind.
540
00:21:33,414 --> 00:21:35,417
Of course.
541
00:21:38,702 --> 00:21:40,324
[SIGHS]
542
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,427
[MUTTERS]
543
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:46,073
Oh. Oh.
544
00:21:53,884 --> 00:21:55,427
Richard?
545
00:21:55,527 --> 00:21:57,550
Get in here.
546
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:00,334
What is this... thing?
547
00:22:02,137 --> 00:22:03,479
Oh, it's a Fleshlight.
548
00:22:03,579 --> 00:22:05,121
Excuse me?
549
00:22:05,221 --> 00:22:06,824
It's like a flashlight
with a vagina on it.
550
00:22:06,904 --> 00:22:08,687
- You know, it's a pocket pussy.
- A what?
551
00:22:08,787 --> 00:22:11,240
Basically, a man uses it to...
552
00:22:12,288 --> 00:22:14,135
pleasure himself.
553
00:22:14,235 --> 00:22:15,297
Oh! Oh!
554
00:22:15,397 --> 00:22:17,847
Oh, g... oh, no, no, no, no.
555
00:22:17,857 --> 00:22:19,149
Ugh.
556
00:22:20,524 --> 00:22:24,350
And I assume that this...
this belongs to your son?
557
00:22:24,450 --> 00:22:25,892
Oh, I'm sure it does.
Where did you find it?
558
00:22:25,973 --> 00:22:28,116
Right between my linen cushions.
559
00:22:28,216 --> 00:22:30,399
What are you... what are you doing?
560
00:22:30,499 --> 00:22:31,861
Well, I'm putting it
back where you found it.
561
00:22:31,941 --> 00:22:35,106
[LAUGHS] I am not going to shame my son.
562
00:22:37,910 --> 00:22:40,514
You are buying me a new couch.
563
00:22:41,517 --> 00:22:43,139
So how was lunch with the pube?
564
00:22:43,239 --> 00:22:44,782
She's a complicated woman.
565
00:22:44,882 --> 00:22:46,003
Evidently, the real
reason she wrote the book
566
00:22:46,084 --> 00:22:47,826
was to win Charles back.
567
00:22:47,926 --> 00:22:50,751
And as her editor,
she wants me to help her do that.
568
00:22:50,851 --> 00:22:53,274
She is not a pube;
she is a goddamn bush.
569
00:22:53,374 --> 00:22:55,778
[PHONE CHIMES]
570
00:22:56,740 --> 00:22:59,143
Josh.
571
00:23:00,786 --> 00:23:01,847
What?
572
00:23:01,947 --> 00:23:03,490
He just thanked me
573
00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:04,952
for setting him up with
that Irish bartender.
574
00:23:05,032 --> 00:23:06,514
You're helping both of
the men in your life
575
00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:08,658
get with other women?
576
00:23:08,758 --> 00:23:10,580
Yup, I'm gonna end up like Jane Austen.
577
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,403
She helped create all these
romantic relationships
578
00:23:12,483 --> 00:23:13,863
and died a spinster.
579
00:23:13,873 --> 00:23:15,648
[KNOCKING]
580
00:23:15,658 --> 00:23:16,658
Oh?
581
00:23:19,814 --> 00:23:21,557
Oh. Hi.
582
00:23:21,657 --> 00:23:22,919
Don't oh, hi me.
583
00:23:23,019 --> 00:23:24,261
What did you do with our chickens?
584
00:23:24,341 --> 00:23:26,364
Hey. Want a bite?
585
00:23:26,464 --> 00:23:28,327
[GASPING]
586
00:23:28,427 --> 00:23:30,170
You're despicable.
587
00:23:30,270 --> 00:23:32,053
So was the $500 tab from last night.
588
00:23:32,153 --> 00:23:33,575
I'm calling the police.
589
00:23:33,675 --> 00:23:34,737
Go right ahead.
590
00:23:34,837 --> 00:23:37,340
And FYI, it's illegal to have
chickens in this building.
591
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:38,903
I mean, I wasn't gonna say anything,
592
00:23:39,003 --> 00:23:41,126
but as long as you're on
the phone with the police.
593
00:23:43,650 --> 00:23:45,473
Whoa. Seriously?
594
00:23:45,573 --> 00:23:46,975
Nah, I called the Health Department.
595
00:23:47,055 --> 00:23:48,056
They came this morning.
596
00:23:48,136 --> 00:23:49,378
This is chicken from the market.
597
00:23:49,458 --> 00:23:51,101
Would you like white meat or dark meat?
598
00:23:51,181 --> 00:23:53,184
Oh, my God, I love you. [LAUGHS]
599
00:23:55,227 --> 00:23:58,372
[LIVELY MUSIC]
600
00:23:58,472 --> 00:24:00,335
Hey, you're in early.
601
00:24:00,435 --> 00:24:03,245
Richard's son, Richard's
college-age son, it...
602
00:24:04,412 --> 00:24:06,825
is living with us now.
603
00:24:06,925 --> 00:24:08,547
That's sweet.
604
00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:09,929
He masturbates into a rubber vagina
605
00:24:10,009 --> 00:24:11,890
on my linen sofa; it's adorable.
606
00:24:13,461 --> 00:24:15,765
- Would you like some coffee?
- Immediately.
607
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,202
- Black. No cream!
- Got it.
608
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:31,783
Do you have a moment?
609
00:24:31,883 --> 00:24:33,886
Yeah. Please, come in.
610
00:24:37,611 --> 00:24:40,355
I, uh... I had lunch
with Pauline yesterday.
611
00:24:40,455 --> 00:24:43,720
She's a lovely, intelligent woman.
612
00:24:43,820 --> 00:24:45,643
And we are separated.
613
00:24:45,743 --> 00:24:46,965
Yes.
614
00:24:47,065 --> 00:24:50,210
But she wrote this book as a
way to reconcile with you.
615
00:24:50,310 --> 00:24:52,854
Her book is not going to
get us back together.
616
00:24:52,954 --> 00:24:54,497
You read the book.
617
00:24:54,597 --> 00:24:57,261
It's basically Eat, Pray,
Win My Husband Back.
618
00:24:57,361 --> 00:25:00,666
Pauline has written a work of fiction.
619
00:25:00,766 --> 00:25:03,911
My feelings for you are real.
620
00:25:04,011 --> 00:25:06,114
- But she...
- Wrote a book.
621
00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:07,877
I know.
622
00:25:07,977 --> 00:25:10,120
Pauline may have made a mess of my life,
623
00:25:10,220 --> 00:25:12,764
but she is not going
to make a mess of us.
624
00:25:12,864 --> 00:25:15,568
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
625
00:25:15,668 --> 00:25:19,230
? ?
626
00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:28,778
- Synced and corrected by AngMeng -
- www.addic7ed.com -
627
00:25:28,828 --> 00:25:33,378
Repair and Synchronization by
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