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00:00:01,174 --> 00:00:12,233
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:13,830 --> 00:00:15,431
(speaking indistinctly)
3
00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:19,234
It's getting chilly out.
4
00:00:19,302 --> 00:00:20,769
You might want to
think about getting
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00:00:20,837 --> 00:00:22,404
your special little
boy a sweater, huh?
6
00:00:22,472 --> 00:00:24,640
Or at least some Omega-3
to thicken his coat.
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00:00:24,707 --> 00:00:26,340
Yeah, I'll... look into that.
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00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,643
Come on, Thomas James.
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00:00:28,711 --> 00:00:29,699
God!
10
00:00:29,819 --> 00:00:31,980
What is happening to this park?
11
00:00:32,047 --> 00:00:33,481
It's being overrun by...
12
00:00:33,549 --> 00:00:35,217
dog weirdos.
Dog weirdos?
13
00:00:35,337 --> 00:00:37,718
People who treat their dogs
like cute, amusing,
14
00:00:37,786 --> 00:00:39,408
four-legged little children.
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00:00:39,528 --> 00:00:41,722
We're descendents of the wolf,
for Christ's sake.
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00:00:41,789 --> 00:00:44,558
Look at this poor bastard.
17
00:00:44,626 --> 00:00:46,760
Bootsies?
Wow.
18
00:00:46,828 --> 00:00:48,829
And check this out.
WOMAN: What have we here?
19
00:00:48,896 --> 00:00:50,563
(baby voice):
"I did a smelly poo poo, Mommy."
20
00:00:50,631 --> 00:00:52,332
You did a smelly
poo poo for me?
21
00:00:52,399 --> 00:00:53,333
"Yes, I did."
22
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:54,534
He's not saying that.
23
00:00:54,602 --> 00:00:55,801
She's speaking for him.
24
00:00:55,908 --> 00:00:58,042
He didn't do a smelly
poo poo for her.
25
00:00:58,110 --> 00:00:59,877
He did it for his dead brother.
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00:00:59,945 --> 00:01:01,846
Hi, baby.
Ooh, you're so cute.
27
00:01:01,913 --> 00:01:04,448
And now she's molesting him,
right in front of us.
28
00:01:04,516 --> 00:01:06,784
Yeah, I guess
that's a little weird.
29
00:01:06,851 --> 00:01:08,786
And here's the worst of all.
30
00:01:08,853 --> 00:01:10,787
This guy must have actually
spoken his mind.
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00:01:10,855 --> 00:01:13,257
Not only do they
emasculate him with a muzzle,
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00:01:13,325 --> 00:01:15,526
but they mask the
obvious rights violation
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00:01:15,594 --> 00:01:16,955
by making it a
comical distraction.
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00:01:16,995 --> 00:01:18,462
A duck bill? Really?
35
00:01:18,530 --> 00:01:21,265
Okay, that's pretty messed up.
36
00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:23,134
See, that's what I
like about you, Ryan.
37
00:01:23,202 --> 00:01:24,735
You treat me like an equal.
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00:01:24,803 --> 00:01:27,171
You don't dress me up
or censor what I say
39
00:01:27,239 --> 00:01:29,440
or not let me drool on your
clothes every now and again.
40
00:01:34,579 --> 00:01:37,081
Ooh!
Wouldn't mind getting
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00:01:37,148 --> 00:01:40,017
my bulbus glandis
dick-anchor stuck up in that.
42
00:01:40,085 --> 00:01:43,254
Yeah, like you said, this place
is crawling with... dog weirdos.
43
00:01:43,321 --> 00:01:44,955
Let's get out of here.
44
00:01:45,023 --> 00:01:46,190
Wait-- are you, like, scared
of that bulbus glandis
45
00:01:46,258 --> 00:01:48,125
dick-anchor chick?
46
00:01:48,193 --> 00:01:50,995
Of course not.
Well, then go and introduce yourself.
47
00:01:51,062 --> 00:01:54,198
I already know her, okay?
48
00:01:54,265 --> 00:01:56,901
Her name's Kim. We went to
high school together, and I had
49
00:01:56,968 --> 00:01:59,369
a huge crush on her.
She was super outgoing
50
00:01:59,437 --> 00:02:01,338
and always starting
these new clubs.
51
00:02:01,406 --> 00:02:03,374
I, on the other hand...
52
00:02:03,442 --> 00:02:06,243
Was an antisocial virgin
with drawn-on pubes-- I get it.
53
00:02:06,311 --> 00:02:08,179
I never actually did that;
it was just a rumor.
54
00:02:08,247 --> 00:02:09,581
Ryan?
55
00:02:09,648 --> 00:02:11,149
Ryan Newman?
56
00:02:11,217 --> 00:02:13,485
Oh... my God.
57
00:02:13,552 --> 00:02:14,452
Kim?
58
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,587
You look great.
59
00:02:16,655 --> 00:02:18,189
What have you been up
to since...
60
00:02:18,257 --> 00:02:21,192
God, graduation, I think?
Well, I...
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00:02:21,259 --> 00:02:23,126
I worked as a lawyer
for a while and, um...
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00:02:23,194 --> 00:02:24,561
Tell her about the time
63
00:02:24,629 --> 00:02:26,296
we microwaved
our toenail clippings.
64
00:02:26,364 --> 00:02:28,165
Uh, but what have you
been up to?
65
00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,066
Well, I recently started
my own business--
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00:02:30,134 --> 00:02:31,902
a dog training facility
in Venice.
67
00:02:31,969 --> 00:02:33,036
That's actually
why I'm here today.
68
00:02:33,104 --> 00:02:34,770
I'm passing out flyers.
69
00:02:34,838 --> 00:02:36,518
I love working with dogs;
They're just such
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00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,107
incredible animals.
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00:02:38,175 --> 00:02:40,777
Speaking of which,
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00:02:40,844 --> 00:02:42,311
is this your handsome boy?
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00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:43,513
Uh, no, no, no.
I actually belong
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00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:44,614
to a gorgeous blonde.
75
00:02:44,681 --> 00:02:46,148
Yeah.
What?
76
00:02:46,216 --> 00:02:48,150
I never took you for a dog guy.
77
00:02:48,218 --> 00:02:51,687
Well, just like you,
I-I love working with dogs.
78
00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:53,822
Uh, I don't mean "working."
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00:02:53,890 --> 00:02:55,290
I'm just...
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00:02:55,358 --> 00:02:57,660
super, super into dogs.
Ryan,
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00:02:57,727 --> 00:03:00,797
you know I don't like feeling
powerless over my own leg.
82
00:03:00,864 --> 00:03:03,233
Oh, shit.
83
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,201
It's happening!
84
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,103
You guys are really cute.
(chuckles)
85
00:03:07,171 --> 00:03:08,672
You know, if your dog
ever needs
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00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:09,773
any training,
you should totally
87
00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:11,542
bring him to Happy Paws.
88
00:03:11,610 --> 00:03:14,144
Or if you, you know, have
any dog-related questions,
89
00:03:14,212 --> 00:03:16,547
you could just...
call me on my cell.
90
00:03:16,615 --> 00:03:18,649
Um... yeah.
91
00:03:18,717 --> 00:03:20,250
Let me get your number.
Yeah.
92
00:03:20,318 --> 00:03:23,687
I'll never understand
why that happens.
93
00:03:23,755 --> 00:03:26,190
So, you're, like,
"super, super into dogs" now,
94
00:03:26,258 --> 00:03:28,927
is that right?
What? I've always liked dogs.
95
00:03:28,994 --> 00:03:30,762
Then why don't
you have your own dog?
96
00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:33,098
Oh, wait, you do.
97
00:03:33,165 --> 00:03:34,766
Come on, I watch you every day.
98
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:36,434
It's almost like I'm...
Bullshit.
99
00:03:36,502 --> 00:03:38,403
You just got intimidated
by your old crush.
100
00:03:38,471 --> 00:03:39,437
And since
you couldn't find a pen
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00:03:39,505 --> 00:03:41,172
to draw on pubes quick enough,
102
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:42,908
you found some other way
to make yourself look good.
103
00:03:42,975 --> 00:03:44,909
There's nothing wrong with
embellishing a little
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00:03:44,977 --> 00:03:46,611
when you're talking
to a pretty girl.
105
00:03:46,679 --> 00:03:48,380
Yeah, I used
to play it like that.
106
00:03:48,447 --> 00:03:51,683
I used to tell chicks lies
about myself just to get laid.
107
00:03:51,751 --> 00:03:54,652
One night, I'd be a pilot;
the next, a doctor.
108
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,288
But these women weren't having
sex with a pilot or a doctor.
109
00:03:57,356 --> 00:03:59,090
They were having sex with a lie.
110
00:03:59,157 --> 00:04:00,791
And more sick and depraved
than that?
111
00:04:00,859 --> 00:04:02,560
They were having sex with a dog.
112
00:04:02,628 --> 00:04:04,362
But I learnt my lesson.
113
00:04:04,430 --> 00:04:06,531
And if Kim isn't gonna be
into the real Ryan,
114
00:04:06,599 --> 00:04:08,633
then why do you want
to be with her?
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00:04:08,701 --> 00:04:09,834
I mean,
for all of Amanda's craziness,
116
00:04:09,902 --> 00:04:11,970
at least she liked you for you.
117
00:04:12,038 --> 00:04:14,239
At least she...
I'm not looking for another Amanda.
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00:04:14,307 --> 00:04:17,676
At the very least, it'd be fun
to go back to school.
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00:04:17,744 --> 00:04:20,178
Unlike you, I was one of the
cool kids, back in the day.
120
00:04:20,246 --> 00:04:21,413
(chuckles)
121
00:04:21,481 --> 00:04:23,348
All the chicks used
to bark at me
122
00:04:23,416 --> 00:04:25,350
and all the guys
used to bark at me,
123
00:04:25,418 --> 00:04:27,752
but, like, in a kind of
admiring way,
124
00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:30,121
not, like, in a sexual way,
like with the chicks.
125
00:04:30,189 --> 00:04:31,823
I already got Kim's number.
126
00:04:31,891 --> 00:04:33,925
Why would I suffer through
a training course with you?
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00:04:33,993 --> 00:04:36,027
Mmm. Because maybe training
would be good for me.
128
00:04:36,095 --> 00:04:38,096
Who knows? Maybe
I could even learn
129
00:04:38,164 --> 00:04:40,799
to one day not drool
all over your clothes.
130
00:04:41,934 --> 00:04:43,568
Nice.
131
00:04:46,105 --> 00:04:47,405
(Wilfred whoops)
JENNA: Wilfred, no!
132
00:04:47,473 --> 00:04:49,641
Yeah! Garbage is the shit!
God...
133
00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:51,643
Wilfred, drop it!
134
00:04:51,711 --> 00:04:54,913
God. Wilfred!
Oh, God. Oh...
135
00:04:54,981 --> 00:04:56,682
Hey, Ryan. Sorry.
136
00:04:56,749 --> 00:04:58,283
I'm gonna clean
this up. Just...
137
00:04:58,351 --> 00:05:00,752
Wilfred has been acting crazy
these past few days.
138
00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:03,689
No problem. Hey, I just wanted
to return your book. I loved it.
139
00:05:03,756 --> 00:05:04,923
What was your favorite story?
140
00:05:04,991 --> 00:05:06,825
"Safari." Totally.
"Safari"? Right?
141
00:05:06,893 --> 00:05:08,427
Thanks for recommending it.
Oh, it's one of my favorites.
142
00:05:08,494 --> 00:05:09,995
I knew you'd like it.
Make it rain on 'em...
143
00:05:10,062 --> 00:05:11,029
Make it rain on 'em.
144
00:05:11,097 --> 00:05:13,531
God! Wilfred!
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00:05:13,599 --> 00:05:15,967
I don't know what has
gotten into him. He's been
146
00:05:16,035 --> 00:05:17,636
tearing up the furniture,
peeing in the house--
147
00:05:17,704 --> 00:05:19,171
he hasn't acted like this
since we first got him.
148
00:05:19,239 --> 00:05:21,140
God... (groans)
149
00:05:21,207 --> 00:05:23,776
All I can think to do is take
him back to obedience school.
150
00:05:23,844 --> 00:05:26,279
I found this, uh,
flyer in my mailbox.
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00:05:26,346 --> 00:05:28,782
It's for this new place
called Happy Paws.
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00:05:28,849 --> 00:05:31,118
I checked it out on Yelp,
and it's got some good reviews.
153
00:05:31,185 --> 00:05:32,705
I'm gonna take him
down there tomorrow.
154
00:05:32,754 --> 00:05:33,887
Hey, why don't...
why don't I take him?
155
00:05:33,955 --> 00:05:35,221
Oh, no, no, no.
I couldn't.
156
00:05:35,289 --> 00:05:36,923
You're way busier than me.
157
00:05:36,991 --> 00:05:38,958
Besides, it'll be fun.
What's the matter, Ryan?
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00:05:39,026 --> 00:05:41,187
Afraid what your old crush
would think if she found out
159
00:05:41,195 --> 00:05:42,995
I didn't belong to you?
Are you sure?
160
00:05:43,063 --> 00:05:44,230
Yeah.
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00:05:44,297 --> 00:05:45,231
(Wilfred whoops)
162
00:05:45,298 --> 00:05:46,232
Feminine hygiene
163
00:05:46,299 --> 00:05:48,467
products are the shit!
164
00:05:50,837 --> 00:05:53,004
165
00:06:09,455 --> 00:06:12,190
Okay, please don't embarrass
me in front of Kim.
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00:06:12,258 --> 00:06:15,294
Embarrass you?! Relax.
167
00:06:15,361 --> 00:06:18,397
I was the cool kid back
in the day, remember?
168
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,700
(dogs barking in distance)
169
00:06:24,205 --> 00:06:26,272
KIM:
Ryan!
170
00:06:26,340 --> 00:06:29,108
Don't be no fool,
just play it cool,
171
00:06:29,176 --> 00:06:31,611
break all the rules
and be yourself.
172
00:06:31,678 --> 00:06:32,845
I'm so glad
173
00:06:32,913 --> 00:06:34,414
you made it.
Yeah, well,
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00:06:34,482 --> 00:06:35,615
Wilfred's got
a few behavioral tics
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00:06:35,683 --> 00:06:37,150
I want to iron out.
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00:06:37,218 --> 00:06:38,651
Well, you came
to the right place.
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00:06:38,719 --> 00:06:40,520
This is Champ, by the way.
178
00:06:40,588 --> 00:06:42,522
(baby voice):
"Hello there, Mr. Ryan.
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00:06:42,590 --> 00:06:45,158
It's so nice to meet you
on this bright and sunny day."
180
00:06:45,226 --> 00:06:48,295
(laughing, kissing)
181
00:06:48,363 --> 00:06:50,664
Holy shit!
She's a dog weirdo!
182
00:06:50,732 --> 00:06:52,866
Little kisses for the mommy.
183
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:55,569
"Does Wilfred's daddy
get kisses from Wilfred?"
184
00:06:55,637 --> 00:06:57,471
I don't know. Does he?
185
00:06:57,539 --> 00:06:59,439
Come on, give him a kiss.
186
00:06:59,507 --> 00:07:02,209
Ryan. Don't do it.
187
00:07:02,277 --> 00:07:05,746
I'm warning you. Neither
of us is gonna like this.
188
00:07:08,016 --> 00:07:10,483
(Ryan grunting)
189
00:07:10,551 --> 00:07:13,220
(chuckling):
Oh, so cute.
190
00:07:13,287 --> 00:07:16,289
Aw!
(gagging)
191
00:07:19,262 --> 00:07:20,185
Remember...
192
00:07:20,305 --> 00:07:21,985
I can't believe you--
Force-Frenching me
193
00:07:22,052 --> 00:07:23,053
in front of the whole school
194
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,888
just to impress
that dog weirdo?
195
00:07:24,956 --> 00:07:27,091
Just leave me out of it
from now on.
196
00:07:27,158 --> 00:07:29,560
I don't want to look wack
in front of my classmates.
197
00:07:29,628 --> 00:07:32,063
KIM: ...so before we get
started, I just want to lay out
198
00:07:32,131 --> 00:07:34,264
a few ground rules:
First of all,
199
00:07:34,384 --> 00:07:36,719
this gate must remain closed
at all times.
200
00:07:36,787 --> 00:07:38,487
We don't want any
of our little babies
201
00:07:38,555 --> 00:07:39,956
running out into the street.
202
00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,159
Blah, blah, blah.
203
00:07:42,226 --> 00:07:44,528
Teachers are so lame,
am I right?
204
00:07:44,595 --> 00:07:46,763
Hey, you guys!
205
00:07:46,831 --> 00:07:48,298
Check out the wiener dog!
206
00:07:48,366 --> 00:07:50,066
It's like,
why aren't you on a bun
207
00:07:50,134 --> 00:07:51,301
with ketchup and mustard?
208
00:07:51,369 --> 00:07:52,402
(laughs)
209
00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:54,070
Oh, shit!
210
00:07:54,138 --> 00:07:55,438
(guffawing)
211
00:07:55,506 --> 00:07:58,474
Oh, hey, what's up, spots?
Nice spots.
212
00:07:58,542 --> 00:08:00,376
It's like,
look at your spots, dude.
213
00:08:00,444 --> 00:08:03,579
I'm totally making fun
of your spots.
214
00:08:03,647 --> 00:08:05,147
Oh, shit!
215
00:08:05,215 --> 00:08:06,482
Okay, who's next? Who's next?
216
00:08:09,152 --> 00:08:10,787
What's up?
217
00:08:10,854 --> 00:08:12,288
(quietly):
Wilfred, pay attention.
218
00:08:12,356 --> 00:08:15,124
Paying attention
is for narcs and dweebazoids.
219
00:08:15,192 --> 00:08:17,127
(chuckles)
Hey, you know what?
220
00:08:17,194 --> 00:08:18,795
You're getting a wedgie,
Poindexter.
221
00:08:18,863 --> 00:08:19,596
(laughing)
222
00:08:21,599 --> 00:08:24,868
...most of our edible products
are organic.
223
00:08:24,936 --> 00:08:27,604
Now, I want to start with
a really basic command,
224
00:08:27,672 --> 00:08:30,007
just to see where we're all at.
225
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:32,443
Let's try "sit."
Oh, oh. Hey, you guys.
226
00:08:32,510 --> 00:08:33,978
Listen up, listen up.
227
00:08:34,045 --> 00:08:35,813
When Teacher says "sit,"
228
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,014
we all gonna shit.
229
00:08:37,082 --> 00:08:38,049
(laughs)
230
00:08:38,116 --> 00:08:39,918
Ready?
231
00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:43,321
(quietly): Wilfred, don't.
Okay, here we go.
232
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:44,756
Sit.
233
00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,792
(Wilfred grunts, poops)
234
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,894
(giddy laughter)
235
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:52,765
Hey! What the hell, you guys?
236
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,867
Looks like some of us
have some work to do,
237
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:57,771
but that's why we're here.
238
00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:01,141
Your boys and girls worked
very hard, so please feel free
239
00:09:01,209 --> 00:09:03,343
to reward them
with a little snacky.
240
00:09:03,411 --> 00:09:06,146
(baby voice): That's not yours.
That's not yours.
241
00:09:06,214 --> 00:09:09,583
All right, so where's
the cool kids' table?
242
00:09:09,651 --> 00:09:12,787
Hey, is that an open seat
over there?
243
00:09:12,854 --> 00:09:14,955
Oh. It's taken?
244
00:09:15,023 --> 00:09:17,525
Hey, what about that seat?
Is that... Oh,
245
00:09:17,592 --> 00:09:18,893
it's taken as well?
246
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,260
It looks like it's...
(barks)
247
00:09:20,328 --> 00:09:23,197
Hey! That wasn't very nice.
248
00:09:23,265 --> 00:09:25,366
(dogs barking)
I was gonna eat that.
249
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:26,400
What...?
250
00:09:27,903 --> 00:09:29,971
I'm not a loser!
251
00:09:30,038 --> 00:09:32,140
Stop chanting it in unison!
252
00:09:34,376 --> 00:09:35,877
KIM:
So...
253
00:09:35,945 --> 00:09:37,612
did you enjoy class?
254
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,615
Yeah. It was really helpful.
255
00:09:40,683 --> 00:09:42,785
Look, a lot of people
don't understand
256
00:09:42,852 --> 00:09:44,586
how much attention
dogs really need.
257
00:09:44,654 --> 00:09:47,356
I mean, they're like little
four-legged children.
258
00:09:47,423 --> 00:09:49,992
I say exactly the same thing.
Except I say
259
00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:52,794
they're like little people with four legs.
Well, I think
260
00:09:52,862 --> 00:09:54,630
"little children"
is probably more accurate.
261
00:09:54,698 --> 00:09:57,567
"Little people" sort of
implies dwarves or midgets.
262
00:09:57,634 --> 00:09:58,935
Right.
263
00:09:59,002 --> 00:10:00,002
They're not like midgets.
264
00:10:00,036 --> 00:10:03,039
Look, Ryan, I have to say,
265
00:10:03,106 --> 00:10:06,008
I'm sort of worried
you're in danger of becoming
266
00:10:06,076 --> 00:10:08,311
one of those irresponsible
dog owners.
267
00:10:08,379 --> 00:10:10,347
Oh.
268
00:10:10,414 --> 00:10:13,550
W-Well, the reason Wilfred seems
a little out of control is...
269
00:10:13,618 --> 00:10:14,884
He's a rescue?
270
00:10:14,952 --> 00:10:17,954
Yes. Yeah. Exactly.
271
00:10:18,022 --> 00:10:21,058
I-I... I rescued him
off the street
272
00:10:21,125 --> 00:10:22,860
a-about a month ago.
273
00:10:22,927 --> 00:10:26,163
I found him tied
to a... fire escape.
274
00:10:26,231 --> 00:10:28,699
He was starving
and showed signs of abuse.
275
00:10:28,767 --> 00:10:31,369
Oh, God, that is so sad.
I know.
276
00:10:31,437 --> 00:10:34,873
Sometimes I wish I could adopt
every stray in Venice.
277
00:10:36,442 --> 00:10:38,677
I never knew you were like this.
278
00:10:38,745 --> 00:10:41,079
Like, don't take this the
wrong way or anything, but...
279
00:10:41,147 --> 00:10:42,915
in high school, you just...
280
00:10:42,982 --> 00:10:44,950
you always seemed a little...
281
00:10:45,018 --> 00:10:46,585
detached.
282
00:10:46,653 --> 00:10:47,620
Me? Detached?
283
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,088
(chuckles) Really?
284
00:10:49,155 --> 00:10:50,689
It's too bad we didn't hang out
285
00:10:50,757 --> 00:10:53,626
more back then, you know?
286
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:56,228
Well, we're here now.
287
00:10:56,296 --> 00:10:59,064
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
288
00:11:00,667 --> 00:11:02,234
(baby voice):
A doggy date?
289
00:11:02,301 --> 00:11:05,204
Yeah.
290
00:11:05,272 --> 00:11:07,806
So, school,
291
00:11:07,874 --> 00:11:10,509
that was pretty fun, right?
292
00:11:10,577 --> 00:11:13,846
Hey, listen, Kim and I...
I'm not going back, Ryan.
293
00:11:13,914 --> 00:11:15,548
What? Why?
294
00:11:15,615 --> 00:11:18,384
You were so excited
about going back to school.
295
00:11:18,452 --> 00:11:20,152
It's just...
(sighs)
296
00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:23,322
this new generation,
they're just so much crueler
297
00:11:23,389 --> 00:11:27,092
than they were-- I mean,
we were-- back in the old days.
298
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,261
Some of the kids from class
299
00:11:29,328 --> 00:11:31,763
have been cyber-bullying me
on Facebook.
300
00:11:31,831 --> 00:11:34,766
This guy, he...
barely even knows me.
301
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:37,368
He called me
"a major dingus."
302
00:11:37,436 --> 00:11:39,437
And-and this other guy,
303
00:11:39,505 --> 00:11:42,440
he said I should
"saw my ears off slowly
304
00:11:42,507 --> 00:11:45,710
"with a dull jigsaw and then
shove my bloody, severed ears
305
00:11:45,777 --> 00:11:48,212
into my own mother's anus."
And that is,
306
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,415
like, really hurtful.
307
00:11:50,482 --> 00:11:52,617
It gets better, Wilfred.
308
00:11:52,685 --> 00:11:54,219
It gets better.
309
00:11:54,287 --> 00:11:56,254
Hey, it's a new school.
310
00:11:56,322 --> 00:11:58,256
You'll fit in eventually.
311
00:11:58,324 --> 00:12:01,426
Besides, if you don't go
back, the bullies win.
312
00:12:02,754 --> 00:12:04,896
You just want me to go back
so you can stick
313
00:12:04,964 --> 00:12:07,232
your non-bulbus-glandis-having,
easily extractable penis
314
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:08,967
into that dog weirdo.
315
00:12:09,034 --> 00:12:10,168
Hey, you were the one
that convinced Jenna
316
00:12:10,236 --> 00:12:11,703
you needed the training.
317
00:12:11,771 --> 00:12:13,104
Then I'll convince her
I don't need it.
318
00:12:13,172 --> 00:12:14,806
I'll just be
on my best behavior.
319
00:12:14,873 --> 00:12:16,775
And you think Jenna's just
gonna let you out of it?
320
00:12:16,842 --> 00:12:19,010
She prepaid for the
whole course, Wilfred.
321
00:12:21,914 --> 00:12:24,849
Okay, look, I'll lie to Jenna
322
00:12:24,917 --> 00:12:27,519
and tell her that I'm still
taking you to Happy Paws.
323
00:12:27,587 --> 00:12:30,355
But you have to do a
favor for me in return.
324
00:12:35,694 --> 00:12:37,928
(toy squeaks)
325
00:12:41,299 --> 00:12:43,133
(doorbell rings)
326
00:12:47,404 --> 00:12:48,971
Hi.
Hey.
327
00:12:49,039 --> 00:12:50,873
You look great.
Thank you.
328
00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:52,441
That pirate hat is...
329
00:12:52,509 --> 00:12:54,509
The cutest thing ever, right?
330
00:12:54,577 --> 00:12:56,444
(chuckles)
Come in.
331
00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,814
Where's Wilfred?
Champy wants to play.
332
00:12:59,882 --> 00:13:02,584
Wilfred!
333
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:05,220
KIM (chuckling):
Bootsies?
334
00:13:05,287 --> 00:13:07,255
I love it!
335
00:13:07,323 --> 00:13:08,990
I've been meaning
to get Champ a set.
336
00:13:09,058 --> 00:13:10,992
I mean, not only
are they adorbs,
337
00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:13,140
(baby voice): but Champs has
got very sensitive paws.
338
00:13:13,196 --> 00:13:15,564
"Yes, I do, Mommy.
339
00:13:15,631 --> 00:13:17,733
I have sensitive paws."
340
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,369
Aw, so cute.
341
00:13:23,973 --> 00:13:25,941
(chuckles)
342
00:13:26,009 --> 00:13:29,378
Um, the other day, I saw
this great YouTube video
343
00:13:29,446 --> 00:13:32,475
with two dogs, like, holding hands.
Oh, yeah,
344
00:13:32,543 --> 00:13:35,251
I saw that! So sweet.
345
00:13:35,319 --> 00:13:37,854
Yeah.
346
00:13:37,921 --> 00:13:40,923
So, listen...
347
00:13:40,991 --> 00:13:44,360
I wasn't gonna
say anything, but...
348
00:13:44,428 --> 00:13:48,864
I heard this rumor back
in high school that you...
349
00:13:48,932 --> 00:13:51,100
Okay, I-I did not use a pen
to draw pubic hair...
350
00:13:51,168 --> 00:13:52,268
...had a crush on me.
351
00:13:53,703 --> 00:13:56,038
O-Oh.
352
00:13:56,105 --> 00:13:57,973
Y-Yeah. Um...
353
00:13:58,041 --> 00:14:01,176
that-that one's true.
354
00:14:01,244 --> 00:14:03,745
'Cause I've had
a really fun night so far.
355
00:14:03,813 --> 00:14:05,246
Really?
356
00:14:05,314 --> 00:14:06,881
Although...
357
00:14:06,949 --> 00:14:08,883
I hope it's not over yet.
358
00:14:08,950 --> 00:14:10,751
Huh, baby?
359
00:14:10,819 --> 00:14:12,453
(baby voice):
"Gee.
360
00:14:12,521 --> 00:14:15,123
"I'm so tired.
361
00:14:15,190 --> 00:14:18,826
"I think I'd like to sleep over
at Wilfred's house tonight.
362
00:14:18,894 --> 00:14:22,858
"Would Wilfred mind
if my mommy and I slept over?
363
00:14:23,082 --> 00:14:24,965
What does Wilfred
think about that?"
364
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,633
No, Ryan.
365
00:14:26,701 --> 00:14:28,168
Don't you do it.
366
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:31,438
Cutesy voices were never part
of our deal.
367
00:14:31,506 --> 00:14:34,340
(silly Australian accent): "Me and
my mate Ryan would love that."
368
00:14:34,408 --> 00:14:35,508
(laughs)
369
00:14:35,576 --> 00:14:37,811
An Australian accent?
370
00:14:37,879 --> 00:14:39,913
That's hilar.
371
00:14:39,981 --> 00:14:41,649
(forced chuckle)
(laughs) I'll just go
372
00:14:41,716 --> 00:14:42,984
grab my stuff.
Okay.
373
00:14:43,051 --> 00:14:45,953
That is not what I was thinking!
374
00:14:46,021 --> 00:14:47,521
I was thinking how ironic it is
375
00:14:47,589 --> 00:14:49,991
that Abraham Lincoln freed
the slaves, yet he himself
376
00:14:50,058 --> 00:14:52,093
was a slave
to a weird beard style!
377
00:14:52,161 --> 00:14:53,761
You crossed the line!
378
00:14:53,829 --> 00:14:57,031
I agreed to help you, and
you totally sold me out!
379
00:14:57,099 --> 00:14:59,567
Calm down! I just used
a stupid, fake voice.
380
00:14:59,634 --> 00:15:00,935
It doesn't matter.
381
00:15:01,003 --> 00:15:02,770
Doesn't matter?!
(grunts) (shouts)
382
00:15:02,837 --> 00:15:04,971
I want my voice!
Wilfred!
383
00:15:05,039 --> 00:15:08,241
(grunts) I'll bite your face, bitch!
Wilfred, no!
384
00:15:08,309 --> 00:15:09,676
(shouting) Stop it!
385
00:15:09,744 --> 00:15:10,844
Ryan, no!
386
00:15:10,912 --> 00:15:12,479
Ryan, what are you doing?
387
00:15:17,893 --> 00:15:20,828
Kim just took off
after lecturing me for an hour
388
00:15:20,896 --> 00:15:23,431
about the proper way
to discipline your dog.
389
00:15:23,499 --> 00:15:25,633
It obviously
doesn't involve violence.
390
00:15:27,269 --> 00:15:29,704
Look...
391
00:15:29,772 --> 00:15:32,541
I-I shouldn't have done
that cutesy voice for you.
392
00:15:32,608 --> 00:15:35,477
I'm sorry.
It's not your fault, Ryan.
393
00:15:35,545 --> 00:15:38,079
Maybe I'd be better off
with a cutesy voice.
394
00:15:38,147 --> 00:15:40,982
My own voice just gets lost
in all the white noise.
395
00:15:41,050 --> 00:15:42,817
You probably noticed
396
00:15:42,885 --> 00:15:45,687
I took down my Facebook page.
I...
397
00:15:45,755 --> 00:15:47,489
did not notice.
I got tired
398
00:15:47,557 --> 00:15:50,192
of all the hate and vitriol.
399
00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:53,028
Champ tweeted tonight
about how earlier
400
00:15:53,096 --> 00:15:56,866
I "totally spazzed out"
like the spaz that I am.
401
00:15:56,934 --> 00:16:00,135
Now everyone at school is
calling me a mental case,
402
00:16:00,203 --> 00:16:03,138
a freak, an outcast.
403
00:16:03,206 --> 00:16:05,140
And they're right.
404
00:16:05,208 --> 00:16:06,675
Well, like we agreed,
405
00:16:06,742 --> 00:16:08,009
you don't have to worry
about going back there.
406
00:16:08,077 --> 00:16:09,277
No, no. You were right.
407
00:16:09,345 --> 00:16:10,945
I have to go back.
408
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,781
Otherwise, the bullies win.
409
00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:15,183
Wilfred, you really don't have to.
I want to.
410
00:16:17,253 --> 00:16:19,985
(sighs)
411
00:16:20,053 --> 00:16:21,985
What are you working on?
412
00:16:22,053 --> 00:16:24,187
I'm drawing a picture...
413
00:16:24,255 --> 00:16:25,588
of mountaintops,
414
00:16:25,656 --> 00:16:27,524
with me on top.
415
00:16:27,591 --> 00:16:29,525
Lemon yellow sun.
416
00:16:29,593 --> 00:16:31,561
Arms raised in a "V."
417
00:16:31,629 --> 00:16:34,630
And the dead lay in pools
of maroon below.
418
00:16:34,698 --> 00:16:36,098
And then...
419
00:16:36,166 --> 00:16:38,367
then there's Spider-Man there.
420
00:16:38,434 --> 00:16:41,303
I just thought
that would be pretty cool.
421
00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:44,405
(bubbling)
422
00:16:44,472 --> 00:16:46,573
RYAN:
Wilfred, lie down.
423
00:16:48,943 --> 00:16:51,177
Good work, everyone.
424
00:16:51,245 --> 00:16:52,945
I see lots of improvements.
425
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,880
So, I'll see you next week.
426
00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:58,250
Kim, I-I just want
to apologize again
427
00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,685
for what happened
the other night.
428
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,354
Oh, you don't need
to keep apologizing, Ryan.
429
00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:04,822
If you're truly sorry,
you'll consider fixing
430
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:06,390
your relationship with Wilfred.
431
00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:08,258
Totally. You're right.
432
00:17:08,326 --> 00:17:09,727
Would you be open
to using a muzzle?
433
00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:12,796
Uh...
434
00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:15,966
Y-Yeah, I...
435
00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,068
Not only is this going
to eliminate the threat
436
00:17:18,136 --> 00:17:19,302
of Wilfred biting,
437
00:17:19,370 --> 00:17:20,703
the one I got you,
438
00:17:20,771 --> 00:17:22,872
it's a total cute-splosion.
439
00:17:22,940 --> 00:17:24,173
(polite chuckle)
(giggles)
440
00:17:24,241 --> 00:17:25,641
Wilfred...!
441
00:17:25,709 --> 00:17:27,476
What are you doing, boy?
Deeper.
442
00:17:27,544 --> 00:17:29,811
More confident.
Remember, you're in control.
443
00:17:29,879 --> 00:17:32,814
Just doing what all freaks do,
at some point:
444
00:17:32,881 --> 00:17:36,917
sewing the seeds
of chaos and anarchy.
445
00:17:36,984 --> 00:17:38,185
(deeper):
Wilfred, stop!
446
00:17:38,252 --> 00:17:40,320
A little firmer.
A little firmer.
447
00:17:40,387 --> 00:17:42,455
You want me to stop?
Fine.
448
00:17:42,523 --> 00:17:44,624
I'll stop. I promise.
449
00:17:44,691 --> 00:17:48,027
In fact...
let's shake on it.
450
00:17:49,462 --> 00:17:50,329
Oh, God.
Everyone,
451
00:17:50,397 --> 00:17:51,930
the gate is open!
452
00:17:51,998 --> 00:17:53,565
There's nothing
standing between you
453
00:17:53,633 --> 00:17:55,167
and the bustling traffic!
454
00:17:55,235 --> 00:17:57,169
You made me the freak!
455
00:17:57,237 --> 00:18:00,873
Now I'll make you the roadkill!
456
00:18:00,940 --> 00:18:02,641
Come on, boys.
Wilfred, no...
457
00:18:02,709 --> 00:18:05,110
Come on, boys!
(dogs barking)
458
00:18:05,178 --> 00:18:06,011
Shit.
Come on, boys!
459
00:18:06,079 --> 00:18:07,446
Come on!
460
00:18:07,514 --> 00:18:07,913
Stay!
461
00:18:07,981 --> 00:18:10,048
(barks)
462
00:18:10,116 --> 00:18:15,888
Noooooo...!
463
00:18:15,955 --> 00:18:18,590
Why can't you just
let the bullying go?
464
00:18:18,658 --> 00:18:20,458
Why do you care so much
465
00:18:20,526 --> 00:18:22,446
about what the other dogs
at school think of you?
466
00:18:22,461 --> 00:18:25,130
(muffled, indistinct talking)
467
00:18:25,197 --> 00:18:26,898
I said, what about you?!
468
00:18:26,966 --> 00:18:29,067
Why do you care so much
what Kim thinks?!
469
00:18:29,134 --> 00:18:31,002
I don't know.
Because I like her!
470
00:18:31,070 --> 00:18:33,305
I just want to have fun!
What's the big deal?!
471
00:18:33,372 --> 00:18:35,307
She has no idea
who you really are!
472
00:18:35,374 --> 00:18:38,277
Why are you so afraid
to show her the real you?!
473
00:18:38,345 --> 00:18:41,013
Because the last time I showed
someone the real me,
474
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,881
she was dragged off
to a mental institution.
475
00:18:42,949 --> 00:18:46,385
Ryan...
476
00:18:46,453 --> 00:18:48,921
what happened with Amanda
wasn't your fault.
477
00:18:48,988 --> 00:18:51,423
Yeah, it didn't work out,
478
00:18:51,491 --> 00:18:53,225
but it proves you're capable
479
00:18:53,293 --> 00:18:55,294
of having a deep, healthy
relationship...
480
00:18:55,362 --> 00:18:56,796
as yourself.
481
00:18:56,863 --> 00:18:58,931
Maybe you won't
find it again today.
482
00:18:59,051 --> 00:19:01,768
Maybe not tomorrow.
But someday.
483
00:19:01,835 --> 00:19:04,337
And it'll be worth the wait.
484
00:19:07,621 --> 00:19:10,189
KIM: Dropping the class
is not a good idea, Ryan.
485
00:19:10,257 --> 00:19:11,691
Wilfred has a long way to go.
486
00:19:11,758 --> 00:19:13,559
I think he'll be okay.
487
00:19:13,627 --> 00:19:16,862
Well... so when will
I see you again?
488
00:19:16,930 --> 00:19:19,865
I'm sure we'll run
into each other.
489
00:19:19,932 --> 00:19:21,166
Take it easy.
490
00:19:21,234 --> 00:19:22,301
WILFRED:
Okay, I'll do it.
491
00:19:22,368 --> 00:19:24,736
(silly voice):
Hi, my name is Ryan.
492
00:19:24,804 --> 00:19:26,939
(laughs)
I'm just chatting
493
00:19:27,007 --> 00:19:28,440
with one of
my homies from class.
494
00:19:28,508 --> 00:19:30,642
(silly voice):
My hobbies include Ping-Pong,
495
00:19:30,710 --> 00:19:32,311
reading and carrying
496
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,413
my friend's turds around
in a plastic bag.
497
00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:36,048
(chuckles)
498
00:19:36,116 --> 00:19:37,683
Oh, you like my Ryan voice?
499
00:19:37,751 --> 00:19:38,884
(laughs)
500
00:19:38,952 --> 00:19:40,853
I know. Nailed it.
501
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,354
Yeah, all right.
502
00:19:42,422 --> 00:19:44,389
Yeah, see you at the party
on the weekend, digger.
503
00:19:44,457 --> 00:19:45,390
I said "digger."
504
00:19:45,458 --> 00:19:47,092
With a "D."
505
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,529
No, no, uh, because you're
a dog and you like to dig.
506
00:19:50,596 --> 00:19:52,597
Digger.
507
00:19:52,665 --> 00:19:54,699
No, I-I d...
I think you missed...
508
00:19:54,766 --> 00:19:56,887
Yep. I'll sh...
I'll shut up.
509
00:20:00,763 --> 00:20:03,965
Huh... I wouldn't have guessed that.
Oh, yes.
510
00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:06,401
The poodle is
a very macho breed.
511
00:20:06,468 --> 00:20:08,603
It takes a tough individual
to pull off that haircut.
512
00:20:08,670 --> 00:20:11,272
If I saw a poodle come at me,
I'd cross the street.
513
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:13,874
Really?
Oh. Mm-hmm.
514
00:20:13,942 --> 00:20:17,644
I'll tell you what breed
is a little iffy, though.
515
00:20:17,712 --> 00:20:21,014
What?
And this'll surprise you...
516
00:20:22,584 --> 00:20:24,651
...poodles.
517
00:20:24,719 --> 00:20:27,588
But... y-you just
said they were tough.
518
00:20:27,655 --> 00:20:30,357
I bet that's
why you're surprised.
519
00:20:33,695 --> 00:20:36,530
Wait, so... and the ship just
sank to the bottom of the...
520
00:20:36,597 --> 00:20:38,699
deep blue sea?
521
00:20:38,766 --> 00:20:40,901
Yep.
They didn't see the iceberg?
522
00:20:40,969 --> 00:20:42,636
Nope.
523
00:20:42,704 --> 00:20:44,639
And they didn't
smell the iceberg?
524
00:20:44,706 --> 00:20:46,641
Nope.
525
00:20:46,709 --> 00:20:48,476
They didn't hear the iceberg?
526
00:20:48,544 --> 00:20:50,779
Nope.
527
00:20:51,981 --> 00:20:53,729
Idiots.
528
00:20:55,084 --> 00:21:06,432
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
529
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:11,032
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