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1
00:00:01,227 --> 00:00:04,221
Oh, baby, look whats in this box.
2
00:00:04,687 --> 00:00:07,405
It's all of Marty and Malcolm's
old school projects.
3
00:00:08,499 --> 00:00:10,578
I remember staying up all night
4
00:00:10,603 --> 00:00:12,531
helping Malcolm build this volcano.
5
00:00:12,556 --> 00:00:15,320
You know we even got spaghetti
sauce to shoot out the top?
6
00:00:15,451 --> 00:00:17,252
Aw, I remember.
7
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:20,210
And Marty scraped it off the
walls with garlic bread.
8
00:00:21,043 --> 00:00:23,175
Those were some good
memories, weren’t they?
9
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:24,234
Yeah. Real good memories.
10
00:00:24,286 --> 00:00:25,839
Ah, its trash.
11
00:00:27,618 --> 00:00:29,720
How could you just throw that away?
12
00:00:29,745 --> 00:00:31,879
Those were some special
memories of Malcolm.
13
00:00:31,904 --> 00:00:33,172
Why we need memories?
14
00:00:33,197 --> 00:00:35,956
The real thing is laying
on our couch right now.
15
00:00:37,491 --> 00:00:38,756
Ha ha!
16
00:00:38,781 --> 00:00:40,800
Look at this, baby, my old beeper.
17
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,643
You know, I remember when
you used to blow me up
18
00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:46,596
whenever you wanted a little
late-night booty call.
19
00:00:47,439 --> 00:00:48,986
I never had your beeper number.
20
00:00:50,861 --> 00:00:53,302
Well, look at that. You know what?
This ain’t even my beeper.
21
00:00:53,977 --> 00:00:56,764
Trash. Yep. Lets go.
22
00:00:58,248 --> 00:01:00,351
Ooh, ahoy, Captain Calvin!
23
00:01:01,064 --> 00:01:02,269
Hey, Dave.
24
00:01:02,527 --> 00:01:04,105
Just getting my daily steps in.
25
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:07,107
Well, you can get in a bunch
more if you just keep walking.
26
00:01:08,755 --> 00:01:11,945
You know, I am actually
a few steps short.
27
00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:13,238
Good.
28
00:01:13,263 --> 00:01:16,659
Uh, Dave, Dave, Dave, stop that.
29
00:01:16,683 --> 00:01:18,627
Your making me dizzy. Stop circling me.
30
00:01:18,652 --> 00:01:20,454
Yeah, no problem. Ill go the other way.
31
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,458
Whoa.
32
00:01:24,483 --> 00:01:25,959
You throwing all this stuff out?
33
00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:28,128
Yeah, its just a bunch of trash.
34
00:01:28,206 --> 00:01:30,589
Well, maybe to you, but not to everyone.
35
00:01:30,614 --> 00:01:31,798
You know what?
36
00:01:31,823 --> 00:01:33,300
You should have a yard sale.
37
00:01:33,325 --> 00:01:34,301
A yard sale?
38
00:01:34,326 --> 00:01:36,136
In this neighborhood? I don’t think so.
39
00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,495
Why, whats wrong with our neighborhood?
40
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,963
Oh, nothing. Nothing. There’s
a lot of good people here.
41
00:01:40,988 --> 00:01:43,542
You know, hardworking, God-fearing,
42
00:01:43,567 --> 00:01:45,396
and I wouldn’t trust a
single one of them.
43
00:01:46,559 --> 00:01:48,557
And I don’t want to waste my time
44
00:01:48,582 --> 00:01:50,127
with a bunch of people
trying to hustle me
45
00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:51,549
so I can make a few bucks.
46
00:01:51,714 --> 00:01:53,799
Hustle you? Oh, come on,
Calvin, that’s crazy.
47
00:01:53,824 --> 00:01:56,240
Oh. You want to hear some crazy? Okay.
48
00:01:56,265 --> 00:01:57,658
You see that house down there?
49
00:01:57,683 --> 00:02:00,493
They claimed Malcolm and
Marty on their taxes
50
00:02:00,518 --> 00:02:01,996
six years straight.
51
00:02:03,588 --> 00:02:05,448
And see those wires hanging from there?
52
00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:08,644
That guy is stealing the
other family’s cable.
53
00:02:08,924 --> 00:02:11,759
But they’re running an illegal day care,
54
00:02:11,784 --> 00:02:13,339
so they cant say nothing about it.
55
00:02:14,014 --> 00:02:15,842
Oh, man, I thought that
was a beauty salon.
56
00:02:15,867 --> 00:02:17,343
Oh, yeah, they do that, too.
57
00:02:18,832 --> 00:02:19,746
Look, man,
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00:02:19,771 --> 00:02:22,015
everybody around here’s
just trying to get by.
59
00:02:22,258 --> 00:02:24,769
I just don’t want them getting by on me.
60
00:02:25,024 --> 00:02:27,359
Well, I guess that’s how you
and I are different, Calvin.
61
00:02:27,573 --> 00:02:29,802
I choose to believe that the
world isn’t out to get me.
62
00:02:29,827 --> 00:02:31,902
Okay. You come see me
63
00:02:31,927 --> 00:02:34,778
once you find out Grover
cosigned for a motorcycle.
64
00:02:35,213 --> 00:02:37,113
Yard sale.
65
00:02:37,854 --> 00:02:40,618
All right, man. I will
tell you, you know,
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00:02:40,925 --> 00:02:43,902
last yard sale I had, I
cleared a cool grand.
67
00:02:43,927 --> 00:02:45,371
Hold on, hold up.
68
00:02:46,658 --> 00:02:48,209
You made 1,000 bucks?
69
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,235
Oh, yeah. That’s right.
70
00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:50,920
Well, ahoy, Dave.
71
00:02:52,932 --> 00:02:55,883
Cause I know my craps got to
be worth more than your crap.
72
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:57,851
I’m having me a yard sale.
73
00:02:57,876 --> 00:02:59,511
Well, you know, I’m happy to help out.
74
00:02:59,536 --> 00:03:00,765
Well, thank you.
75
00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:02,793
And in return, I’m gonna do you a solid.
76
00:03:03,062 --> 00:03:05,570
You see that extension cord
running from your attic window?
77
00:03:05,617 --> 00:03:06,440
Yeah.
78
00:03:06,465 --> 00:03:08,811
You’re supplying the
power to the day care.
79
00:03:13,579 --> 00:03:15,961
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
80
00:03:16,098 --> 00:03:18,740
Ooh, this is gonna be great.
I cant wait to meet
81
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:19,884
more of our neighbors.
82
00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:21,718
Me, neither. Especially the ones
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00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,247
named Benjamin, Washington and Jackson.
84
00:03:25,875 --> 00:03:27,309
All right, Pop.
85
00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:29,558
Here you go. Good luck
with your yard sale, bro.
86
00:03:29,583 --> 00:03:31,550
Hold on, whoa. Where are you going?
87
00:03:31,575 --> 00:03:33,009
I was going to the library.
88
00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:35,947
Oh, no. No, you and Marty
are in charge of security.
89
00:03:35,972 --> 00:03:37,494
What?
90
00:03:38,033 --> 00:03:39,468
Well, whats it pay?
91
00:03:39,493 --> 00:03:40,890
Room and board.
92
00:03:42,871 --> 00:03:44,309
Fine, Ill start today.
93
00:03:44,336 --> 00:03:45,353
Do I get a weapon?
94
00:03:45,494 --> 00:03:46,704
Sure. Yeah.
95
00:03:46,729 --> 00:03:47,861
Here's a whistle
96
00:03:47,886 --> 00:03:49,148
and a wooden spoon.
97
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,442
Don't be afraid to use them.
98
00:03:51,469 --> 00:03:53,336
Oh, great, Pop. If a bowl of soup
99
00:03:53,361 --> 00:03:55,072
tries to steal something, I'm ready.
100
00:03:57,228 --> 00:04:00,054
Hey, you guys. We picked
you up some coffee
101
00:04:00,079 --> 00:04:01,837
and a dozen doughnuts.
102
00:04:02,023 --> 00:04:05,235
Uh, 9 3/4 doughnuts.
103
00:04:05,632 --> 00:04:07,172
See, I told you he was too quiet
104
00:04:07,197 --> 00:04:08,141
in the back of the car.
105
00:04:08,166 --> 00:04:08,860
True.
106
00:04:08,885 --> 00:04:11,489
But way to use your fractions.
107
00:04:11,981 --> 00:04:13,422
Hey, hey, look what I found.
108
00:04:14,189 --> 00:04:15,357
A box full of kitchen gadgets
109
00:04:15,390 --> 00:04:16,792
from all those late-night infomercials.
110
00:04:16,825 --> 00:04:18,902
I remember that stuff.
111
00:04:18,927 --> 00:04:21,141
Whenever that commercial said "act now,"
112
00:04:21,166 --> 00:04:22,598
your mama did.
113
00:04:23,398 --> 00:04:25,351
I had to. Supplies were limited.
114
00:04:25,415 --> 00:04:28,556
Marty, put all that stuff
on the dollar table.
115
00:04:28,581 --> 00:04:29,095
All right.
116
00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:30,815
Oh, no, no, no, no. Uh-uh-uh.
117
00:04:30,873 --> 00:04:32,575
You’re not selling my infomercial stuff.
118
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,412
Put that box back where you found it.
119
00:04:34,444 --> 00:04:35,028
Okay.
120
00:04:35,053 --> 00:04:35,850
Come on, Tina.
121
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,610
You’ve never used any of this junk.
122
00:04:37,635 --> 00:04:38,663
Its not junk.
123
00:04:38,688 --> 00:04:40,028
And I haven’t used any of it
124
00:04:40,053 --> 00:04:40,497
yet.
125
00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:41,522
Marty.
126
00:04:41,665 --> 00:04:42,522
Okay.
127
00:04:42,561 --> 00:04:43,553
Marty.
128
00:04:43,953 --> 00:04:45,121
Marty.
129
00:04:46,335 --> 00:04:47,956
Martin Lawrence Butler.
130
00:04:50,030 --> 00:04:51,491
Its not about you, its about them.
131
00:04:51,553 --> 00:04:52,576
Its not about you, its about them.
132
00:04:52,601 --> 00:04:53,670
Boy, give me this box!
133
00:04:53,951 --> 00:04:56,209
There's some good stuff in here.
134
00:04:56,241 --> 00:04:57,925
Like-like-like this thingy.
135
00:04:57,950 --> 00:04:59,906
Oh, my God, is that a Choppy Chopper?
136
00:04:59,931 --> 00:05:02,115
I’ve always wanted to try one of these.
137
00:05:02,246 --> 00:05:04,928
Finally someone who appreciates
my infomercial instincts.
138
00:05:05,187 --> 00:05:07,084
You never even tried it yourself.
139
00:05:07,109 --> 00:05:09,014
Well, that all changes today.
Lets go to my house
140
00:05:09,039 --> 00:05:10,774
and choppity-chop something.
141
00:05:10,851 --> 00:05:13,454
Okay, Gemma. Lets go.
142
00:05:13,612 --> 00:05:14,776
Don't wait up.
143
00:05:19,404 --> 00:05:21,808
Well, enjoy that toaster, my man.
144
00:05:23,225 --> 00:05:25,326
Looks like somebody got some new teeth.
145
00:05:28,253 --> 00:05:29,382
Hey, Shanice.
146
00:05:29,407 --> 00:05:32,751
You know what, this will
make a great baby bassinet.
147
00:05:32,884 --> 00:05:35,837
You add a few bungee cords,
you got you a car seat.
148
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:37,925
Throw some sandwiches in there,
149
00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:41,021
you going to a picnic. Hmm? Look.
150
00:05:42,032 --> 00:05:44,366
Calvin, this is the best yard sale
151
00:05:44,391 --> 00:05:46,015
I have ever been to.
152
00:05:46,184 --> 00:05:48,142
I’ve met so many fantastic people.
153
00:05:48,167 --> 00:05:50,895
Did you know that Anita
was in the Peace Corps?
154
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,502
Or that Mr. Dorsett just
retired from teaching
155
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,328
after 50 years?
156
00:05:55,353 --> 00:05:56,888
A-And Germaine
157
00:05:56,913 --> 00:05:59,178
with the face tattoo? He
says if anybody asks,
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00:05:59,203 --> 00:06:01,363
that he has been here all day.
159
00:06:06,401 --> 00:06:07,965
You know, I’ve actually been having
160
00:06:07,990 --> 00:06:08,896
a pretty good time, myself.
161
00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:09,547
Uh-huh.
162
00:06:09,587 --> 00:06:11,944
I sold everything on table two,
163
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:13,848
and then I sold table two.
164
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,174
Oh, oh, man! Well, whats your secret?
165
00:06:16,208 --> 00:06:17,490
Watch and learn.
166
00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:20,548
Hey, you know, just so you know,
167
00:06:20,901 --> 00:06:23,287
this grill used to belong to Tupac.
168
00:06:24,358 --> 00:06:26,860
Yeah, he made a hell of a rib eye.
169
00:06:27,590 --> 00:06:29,366
You know, one time he had a barbecue,
170
00:06:29,391 --> 00:06:31,060
and he didn’t invite Biggie, and...
171
00:06:31,102 --> 00:06:32,937
Well, you know the rest.
172
00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:35,647
Oh, okay.
173
00:06:37,247 --> 00:06:38,692
Ah!
174
00:06:40,823 --> 00:06:43,124
Calvin, what are you doing?
175
00:06:43,149 --> 00:06:45,074
You just lied to that guy for money.
176
00:06:45,099 --> 00:06:48,243
Well, yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t
lie to him for no reason.
177
00:06:48,941 --> 00:06:50,955
That would be messed up.
178
00:06:53,124 --> 00:06:54,859
Uh, hey, Marty.
179
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,418
What is with the sunglasses, bro?
180
00:06:57,644 --> 00:06:59,362
Its a little security trick I picked up
181
00:06:59,387 --> 00:07:00,856
so nobody can see where I'm looking.
182
00:07:01,006 --> 00:07:02,436
Right now I got my eye
on that guy over there
183
00:07:02,461 --> 00:07:04,425
licking the nine-volt batteries.
184
00:07:07,164 --> 00:07:08,709
You know, that’s nothing.
185
00:07:08,734 --> 00:07:11,267
A minute ago he was licking
the sewing machine.
186
00:07:12,446 --> 00:07:14,281
Yeah, I better go shut that down.
187
00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:17,982
Hey, man! Store policy:
you lick it, you buy it.
188
00:07:18,741 --> 00:07:20,733
How you doing, Miss Simpson?
189
00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:22,709
Well, I'm still above ground, ain’t I?
190
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,449
Listen, how much y’all want
for this porcelain angel?
191
00:07:27,699 --> 00:07:31,053
Well, you know, there’s a very
special story about this angel.
192
00:07:31,078 --> 00:07:31,703
When...
193
00:07:31,728 --> 00:07:32,997
Cut the crap.
194
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:36,530
Ill give you three dollars for it.
195
00:07:36,555 --> 00:07:37,936
How about four dollars?
196
00:07:37,961 --> 00:07:39,294
How about two dollars?
197
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:42,089
Okay. Fine, two dollars.
198
00:07:42,568 --> 00:07:44,884
Okay. Here's a dollar.
199
00:07:47,811 --> 00:07:50,139
You know this is a Canadian dollar.
200
00:07:53,629 --> 00:07:54,913
Oh, this is awesome.
201
00:07:55,492 --> 00:07:58,122
This is so much fun. What
else can we choppity-chop?
202
00:07:58,147 --> 00:08:00,216
Okay, we’ve done the fruits,
we’ve done the vegetables.
203
00:08:00,248 --> 00:08:01,490
Oh, wait, whats this?
204
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:02,985
I chopped your kitchen sponge.
205
00:08:05,608 --> 00:08:08,083
I get it. Once you start,
you cant stoppity-stop.
206
00:08:09,397 --> 00:08:10,302
Lets try another gadget.
207
00:08:10,327 --> 00:08:10,928
Whats next?
208
00:08:10,953 --> 00:08:11,374
Okay.
209
00:08:11,399 --> 00:08:12,514
Depends upon what
you’re in the mood for.
210
00:08:12,539 --> 00:08:12,968
Mm-hmm.
211
00:08:12,999 --> 00:08:15,646
Okay, we’ve got our
hard-boiled egg sheller.
212
00:08:15,671 --> 00:08:16,538
Oh.
213
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:17,358
Or we have
214
00:08:17,383 --> 00:08:19,252
a bear claw meat shredder.
215
00:08:20,085 --> 00:08:22,522
And we have this thing that makes
216
00:08:22,530 --> 00:08:24,436
pancakes in the shapes of presidents.
217
00:08:26,796 --> 00:08:28,760
Oh, it only goes up to Reagan.
218
00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:31,163
Well, it was the 80s.
219
00:08:31,188 --> 00:08:32,889
You just throw a little
maple syrup on it,
220
00:08:32,914 --> 00:08:34,874
and boom! We got Obama. Huh?
221
00:08:36,997 --> 00:08:38,358
Cal! Calvin!
222
00:08:38,374 --> 00:08:40,296
You are not gonna believe this.
223
00:08:40,335 --> 00:08:41,357
What?
224
00:08:41,382 --> 00:08:43,411
I thought that one of your
statuettes looked familiar,
225
00:08:43,436 --> 00:08:44,803
so I went inside to go look it up
226
00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:47,529
in my guide to antique
dolls and figurines.
227
00:08:50,651 --> 00:08:53,773
Gemmas guide to antique
dolls and figurines.
228
00:08:53,798 --> 00:08:55,413
Look, the point is
229
00:08:55,438 --> 00:08:57,574
it is a genuine Montolfo
230
00:08:57,608 --> 00:09:00,483
worth $1,500.
231
00:09:00,508 --> 00:09:03,841
$1,500? Well, all right!
232
00:09:03,866 --> 00:09:04,920
Which one is it?
233
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:05,272
Oh.
234
00:09:05,297 --> 00:09:08,216
Here you go, look. Right there.
Its the porcelain angel.
235
00:09:08,724 --> 00:09:10,386
The porcelain angel?
236
00:09:12,246 --> 00:09:13,388
Ah!
237
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,222
You were right.
238
00:09:15,247 --> 00:09:17,506
Your crap is way better than mine.
239
00:09:23,266 --> 00:09:27,646
You sold a $1,500 Montolfo angel
240
00:09:27,671 --> 00:09:29,506
for one dollar?
241
00:09:29,976 --> 00:09:31,800
A Canadian dollar.
242
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,466
You see, Dave, this is exactly why
243
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,094
I didn’t want to do a yard sale.
244
00:09:36,119 --> 00:09:37,214
I didn’t want to be hustled.
245
00:09:37,293 --> 00:09:39,429
She didn’t hustle you. She
made an honest mistake.
246
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:41,380
And I'm sure if we go
talk to Miss Simpson,
247
00:09:41,405 --> 00:09:43,374
shell give the angel back to you.
248
00:09:43,826 --> 00:09:46,801
If you believe that shes
gonna give me something back
249
00:09:46,826 --> 00:09:48,695
worth $1,500,
250
00:09:48,864 --> 00:09:51,841
then I’ve got Snoop Doggs
humidifier to sell you.
251
00:09:52,329 --> 00:09:55,261
Okay, well, you’re never gonna
get it if you Don't try.
252
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,972
Fine. Come on, man.
253
00:09:58,692 --> 00:10:00,349
Hey, boys, look,
254
00:10:00,709 --> 00:10:02,772
Dave and I are leaving,
so I'm promoting you
255
00:10:02,797 --> 00:10:04,566
from security to sales.
256
00:10:05,293 --> 00:10:07,403
You get to keep half
of whatever you sell.
257
00:10:07,428 --> 00:10:10,298
Wait, wait, wait, Pop. But all
the good stuff is gone, man.
258
00:10:10,323 --> 00:10:12,821
I know. That’s why you’re getting half.
259
00:10:13,344 --> 00:10:15,313
Malcolm!
260
00:10:15,338 --> 00:10:16,742
Congratulations, brother.
261
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:17,857
Yeah, for what?
262
00:10:17,882 --> 00:10:20,286
Well, this is your first promotion.
263
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,328
That’s very funny.
264
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,833
You know, we should just throw
all this crap away, man.
265
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,376
Nobody gonna buy any of it.
266
00:10:26,401 --> 00:10:29,672
Here's six dollars. I just
sold a broken cell phone.
267
00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:31,297
What? Wait, hey.
268
00:10:31,322 --> 00:10:32,507
How do you do that?
269
00:10:32,657 --> 00:10:35,635
I was just pretending to
talk to Batman on it.
270
00:10:36,088 --> 00:10:38,291
Some lady said I was cute and bought it.
271
00:10:38,316 --> 00:10:41,018
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Just because you were cute?
272
00:10:41,043 --> 00:10:42,599
I get that a lot.
273
00:10:44,514 --> 00:10:46,933
I cant believe it. All
of these TV gadgets
274
00:10:46,958 --> 00:10:49,136
actually worked the way
they were supposed to.
275
00:10:49,161 --> 00:10:50,067
I know.
276
00:10:50,092 --> 00:10:51,926
And Calvin was giving me a hard time.
277
00:10:52,099 --> 00:10:55,487
These things were worth every
easy payment of $19.99.
278
00:10:56,511 --> 00:10:58,491
But wait, there’s more!
279
00:10:58,681 --> 00:11:01,752
These kitchen knives can filet a salmon,
280
00:11:01,918 --> 00:11:05,164
slice a soda can and even
cut through handcuffs.
281
00:11:05,688 --> 00:11:07,590
I wish I had known
that on Valentines Day
282
00:11:07,615 --> 00:11:09,420
when Calvin lost the key.
283
00:11:11,374 --> 00:11:13,840
Wait a minute. Do you smell smoke?
284
00:11:13,865 --> 00:11:15,223
Are the pancakes burning?
285
00:11:15,248 --> 00:11:17,184
Maybe we forgot to flip Nixon.
286
00:11:18,868 --> 00:11:21,638
No, no, no. Tricky Dick is looking good.
287
00:11:24,786 --> 00:11:27,458
Its my super slick,
non-stick panini press!
288
00:11:27,483 --> 00:11:28,288
Oh, oh, okay.
289
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,120
Wait. Wait. Don't wet it.
290
00:11:29,145 --> 00:11:29,995
Don't wet it too much!
291
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,535
Get out of the way. Okay.
292
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,277
Hit it. Hit it.
293
00:11:39,997 --> 00:11:42,774
Thanks again for letting us
try these at your house.
294
00:11:45,090 --> 00:11:48,207
What am I gonna do with a
30-year-old fax machine?
295
00:11:48,967 --> 00:11:51,210
And is that beef jerky jammed in it?
296
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:54,301
Oh, yeah.
297
00:11:54,385 --> 00:11:56,083
Oh. Well, I-I was six years old
298
00:11:56,108 --> 00:11:58,520
and I tried to fax it
to my brother at camp.
299
00:12:00,277 --> 00:12:02,805
Uh, you know, hey, I'm
sorry, little guy.
300
00:12:02,937 --> 00:12:05,473
Looks like you’re gonna have to
wait just a little while longer
301
00:12:05,498 --> 00:12:07,560
to get those, um, eyeglasses.
302
00:12:08,345 --> 00:12:10,688
Yeah, man, the headaches
should go away soon.
303
00:12:11,629 --> 00:12:14,066
Its okay. I understand.
304
00:12:15,922 --> 00:12:18,947
Oh, no. Oh. No. No.
305
00:12:19,330 --> 00:12:21,074
Excuse me, sir.
306
00:12:23,817 --> 00:12:25,052
Here's a ten.
307
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,465
Get that boy some glasses.
308
00:12:26,490 --> 00:12:27,653
Yes, ma’am.
309
00:12:27,678 --> 00:12:28,348
Bless you.
310
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:29,999
- Bless you.
- God bless you.
311
00:12:30,621 --> 00:12:31,789
How was that?
312
00:12:31,814 --> 00:12:33,550
That was perfect. Give me some.
313
00:12:33,575 --> 00:12:37,256
Yes. Now, how do we unload
this one Rollerblade?
314
00:12:37,281 --> 00:12:39,424
Huh. Oh, hey, can you cry on cue?
315
00:12:39,449 --> 00:12:42,386
What do you think?
316
00:12:44,642 --> 00:12:46,325
Oh-ho, I think we gonna get paid.
317
00:12:48,354 --> 00:12:49,651
I have to tell you, Miss Simpson,
318
00:12:49,676 --> 00:12:50,937
you have a lovely home.
319
00:12:50,962 --> 00:12:51,937
Yes.
320
00:12:51,962 --> 00:12:54,022
Love the plastic on the couch.
321
00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:57,442
No crumbs in your cracks.
322
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:01,430
You have to forgive him.
323
00:13:01,455 --> 00:13:04,367
This is only the second
black home hes been in.
324
00:13:05,592 --> 00:13:07,620
The first one didn’t want him either.
325
00:13:08,389 --> 00:13:10,590
So, actually, were here
because Calvin has
326
00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:13,168
something to tell you about the
angel that you bought from him.
327
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,527
Isn’t that right, Calvin?
328
00:13:14,796 --> 00:13:16,211
Well, spit it out.
329
00:13:16,236 --> 00:13:19,047
Unless you got something
else to say about my cracks.
330
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:23,802
Oh, oh. Okay.
331
00:13:24,528 --> 00:13:28,348
Um... now, I'm gonna
be straight with you.
332
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,810
When I first sold you
that angel figurine,
333
00:13:31,835 --> 00:13:34,192
I didn’t realize how valuable
334
00:13:34,217 --> 00:13:35,481
it is...
335
00:13:35,506 --> 00:13:39,444
to... our family, and no one else.
336
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,067
Really, Calvin?
337
00:13:42,092 --> 00:13:42,817
Yes.
338
00:13:42,842 --> 00:13:45,813
It-it was given to my grandfather
339
00:13:45,838 --> 00:13:47,272
by a cranky old white lady
340
00:13:47,297 --> 00:13:49,767
he used to drive around down south.
341
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:52,299
Now, she was a real piece of work.
342
00:13:52,715 --> 00:13:54,276
She was...
343
00:13:54,536 --> 00:13:57,170
but they grew to respect
each other in the end.
344
00:13:59,121 --> 00:14:02,459
That sounds just like that
movie Driving Miss Daisy.
345
00:14:03,258 --> 00:14:04,610
Really?
346
00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:06,278
I never seen it.
347
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:09,863
At any rate, I'm, uh...
348
00:14:10,404 --> 00:14:12,848
I'm willing to buy the angel back...
349
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,161
for $20.
350
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:17,863
$20? Good. Ill get it for you.
351
00:14:17,888 --> 00:14:19,322
Okay.
352
00:14:20,601 --> 00:14:21,769
Good.
353
00:14:22,155 --> 00:14:24,540
I cannot believe that you lied to her.
354
00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:27,701
I know. I’ve seen that
movie, like, three times.
355
00:14:29,972 --> 00:14:32,456
Okay, so Dad gets half.
356
00:14:32,595 --> 00:14:36,004
Which means we get to split the rest.
357
00:14:36,037 --> 00:14:39,173
This is not a bad Saturday.
358
00:14:39,456 --> 00:14:41,881
I mean, I can almost pay
Mom and Dad some rent.
359
00:14:41,906 --> 00:14:43,716
I'm not.
360
00:14:44,452 --> 00:14:45,551
But I could.
361
00:14:46,292 --> 00:14:48,464
And, Grover, here is a whole
362
00:14:48,489 --> 00:14:49,340
ten dollars.
363
00:14:49,365 --> 00:14:50,747
Yeah, hey, little man,
364
00:14:50,793 --> 00:14:52,645
we could not have done this without you.
365
00:14:52,670 --> 00:14:53,473
Yeah.
366
00:14:53,623 --> 00:14:56,521
I know, which is why I want more.
367
00:14:57,224 --> 00:14:58,558
Uh, more?
368
00:14:58,583 --> 00:15:00,012
Yeah, like, how much more?
369
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:01,942
Uh, 50 sounds good.
370
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:04,237
What? Are you out of
your rabbit-ass mind?!
371
00:15:04,752 --> 00:15:06,973
I sold everything you told me to.
372
00:15:07,153 --> 00:15:10,887
I even let those old ladies mess
my hair and pinch my cheeks.
373
00:15:10,912 --> 00:15:12,815
And you think that’s worth $50?
374
00:15:12,986 --> 00:15:14,494
I pretended to be
375
00:15:14,528 --> 00:15:15,106
blind
376
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,415
for you.
377
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:19,293
Malcolm, pay the boy.
378
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,256
Nice try.
379
00:15:22,637 --> 00:15:23,926
This ones Canadian.
380
00:15:26,692 --> 00:15:28,817
Well, that was one hell of a mess.
381
00:15:28,854 --> 00:15:30,309
Oh, you should have tried cleaning it up
382
00:15:30,334 --> 00:15:32,557
with the super-absorbent Sponge-O-Matic.
383
00:15:32,796 --> 00:15:34,973
I did, but after one
minute it started to burn.
384
00:15:34,998 --> 00:15:36,685
I think my thumbprints are gone.
385
00:15:36,710 --> 00:15:39,208
Ugh. You know,
386
00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:41,249
I hate to say it, but Calvin was right.
387
00:15:41,403 --> 00:15:43,380
I Don't know why I was
so determined to hold on
388
00:15:43,405 --> 00:15:44,480
to all that junk.
389
00:15:44,505 --> 00:15:46,069
Don't beat yourself up about it.
390
00:15:46,094 --> 00:15:48,613
You’re not the only one
who holds on to stuff.
391
00:15:49,227 --> 00:15:51,617
Damn, that’s one ugly-ass baby!
392
00:15:53,125 --> 00:15:55,287
Hey, that’s Grover.
393
00:15:57,512 --> 00:16:00,480
I paid an artist on Etsy
to capture him on a plate.
394
00:16:00,505 --> 00:16:02,919
You actually spent money
on a Grover plate?
395
00:16:02,944 --> 00:16:06,092
No. I spent money on a complete set
396
00:16:06,124 --> 00:16:07,696
of Grover plates.
397
00:16:08,389 --> 00:16:10,678
Oh, Gemma, these are
398
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:11,804
bad.
399
00:16:12,069 --> 00:16:13,257
I mean, these are really bad.
400
00:16:13,282 --> 00:16:14,766
Yeah, I know.
401
00:16:15,495 --> 00:16:17,792
Well, you know what its
like when you’re a new mom.
402
00:16:17,824 --> 00:16:18,882
You’re sleep-deprived.
403
00:16:18,907 --> 00:16:21,202
I would just order stuff
on Etsy and eBay.
404
00:16:21,227 --> 00:16:23,762
Yeah, I bought all that stuff
off those infomercials
405
00:16:23,787 --> 00:16:26,092
doing my late-night
feedings with my boys.
406
00:16:26,117 --> 00:16:28,069
Oh, man, those first few
months were so brutal.
407
00:16:28,094 --> 00:16:28,626
Ugh.
408
00:16:28,651 --> 00:16:30,639
I was exhausted all the time.
409
00:16:30,664 --> 00:16:32,077
Constantly changing diapers.
410
00:16:32,102 --> 00:16:33,804
Covered in spit-up.
411
00:16:33,829 --> 00:16:35,328
It never stopped.
412
00:16:35,353 --> 00:16:37,077
I am so glad that’s all behind me.
413
00:16:37,102 --> 00:16:38,640
So am I.
414
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:40,476
But, God, I miss it.
415
00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:41,834
Me, too.
416
00:16:42,782 --> 00:16:46,100
He may have looked like this,
but he smelled like heaven.
417
00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:47,625
Oh... And I miss
418
00:16:47,650 --> 00:16:50,176
Marty and Malcolms little toes. Oh...
419
00:16:50,201 --> 00:16:51,991
Now they just have big, smelly man feet.
420
00:16:52,016 --> 00:16:53,117
Mm.
421
00:16:54,105 --> 00:16:55,515
You know,
422
00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:58,043
maybe I kept all that kitchen
crap because it connects me
423
00:16:58,068 --> 00:16:59,468
to when the boys were little.
424
00:16:59,612 --> 00:17:01,671
Maybe that’s why I cant
bring myself to get rid of
425
00:17:01,696 --> 00:17:03,397
these ceramic nightmares.
426
00:17:04,948 --> 00:17:06,441
Whats up, ladies?
427
00:17:08,469 --> 00:17:11,382
Anyone wanna see me make it rain?
428
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:13,819
Grover!
429
00:17:14,068 --> 00:17:14,873
What...?
430
00:17:14,898 --> 00:17:16,234
Oh, no.
431
00:17:17,232 --> 00:17:18,507
You know what?
432
00:17:18,553 --> 00:17:20,085
You might want to have another one
433
00:17:20,110 --> 00:17:22,040
just in case that one goes bad.
434
00:17:25,313 --> 00:17:27,547
I see you looking at me, Dave.
435
00:17:28,457 --> 00:17:30,159
And its not gonna work.
436
00:17:30,184 --> 00:17:32,217
I’ve already forgiven me.
437
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,548
You know what, Calvin, you were right.
438
00:17:37,573 --> 00:17:41,144
This neighborhood is full
of scammers and slicksters.
439
00:17:41,238 --> 00:17:43,562
And I'm looking at the
biggest one right now.
440
00:17:44,451 --> 00:17:46,482
I'm sorry, did you say something?
441
00:17:47,636 --> 00:17:51,404
I was already spending my
angel money in my head.
442
00:17:52,959 --> 00:17:55,740
Well, you know, since I'm a
part of this neighborhood now,
443
00:17:55,904 --> 00:17:58,119
I'm gonna get in on the action.
444
00:18:01,042 --> 00:18:02,414
What are you doing?
445
00:18:02,439 --> 00:18:06,262
I'm stealing from her,
like I learned from you.
446
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:09,590
Come on, man, put it back.
447
00:18:09,615 --> 00:18:11,550
No. You know what, as a matter of fact,
448
00:18:12,081 --> 00:18:13,805
I'm taking this remote control, too.
449
00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:16,596
Have fun standing up to change
your channels, old lady.
450
00:18:17,616 --> 00:18:19,417
Look, stop playing, man.
451
00:18:19,442 --> 00:18:21,183
Old ladies keep guns.
452
00:18:21,779 --> 00:18:24,103
Give it here. Hey...
453
00:18:24,711 --> 00:18:26,813
What the hell are y’all doing?
454
00:18:28,378 --> 00:18:29,955
Oh, nothing.
455
00:18:29,980 --> 00:18:31,735
Whats that in your pocket?
456
00:18:33,929 --> 00:18:35,323
Nothing.
457
00:18:36,019 --> 00:18:38,116
Are you trying to steal from me?
458
00:18:38,271 --> 00:18:41,508
That’s it, I'm calling
my grandson Jay-Bo.
459
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,999
Hes only got one strike.
460
00:18:45,841 --> 00:18:47,747
Whoa.
461
00:18:47,772 --> 00:18:48,856
Please, please Don't do that.
462
00:18:48,881 --> 00:18:53,059
Look, he was only trying to
get me to do the right thing
463
00:18:53,084 --> 00:18:56,301
and tell you that that angel...
464
00:18:56,507 --> 00:18:59,746
was a valuable antique worth $1,500.
465
00:19:00,255 --> 00:19:03,642
Yes, and he has seen Driving Miss Daisy.
466
00:19:05,122 --> 00:19:07,355
$1,500?
467
00:19:07,632 --> 00:19:11,410
Yeah. Look, sorry for not
being up front with you,
468
00:19:11,435 --> 00:19:14,820
but... seeing that I have now,
469
00:19:14,845 --> 00:19:16,988
because I'm a good person,
470
00:19:18,886 --> 00:19:20,353
what do you say we split it?
471
00:19:20,630 --> 00:19:23,537
Well, $750 is a lot of money.
472
00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:25,051
It sure is.
473
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:26,978
Now, would you see that.
474
00:19:27,095 --> 00:19:28,403
When you give people the chance...
475
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:31,794
But $1,500 is a lot more.
476
00:19:34,346 --> 00:19:35,981
Now, y’all get up out of here.
477
00:19:36,006 --> 00:19:37,074
- What?
- What?
478
00:19:37,108 --> 00:19:38,486
You heard me, beat it.
479
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,075
But, Miss Simpson, he
just told you the truth.
480
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,268
I know, and that’s why I'm giving you
481
00:19:43,293 --> 00:19:46,429
a five-second head start
before I get my pistol.
482
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,253
Okay, hold... But, Miss Simpson,
483
00:19:49,278 --> 00:19:49,716
I think...
484
00:19:49,741 --> 00:19:51,754
Four, three...
485
00:19:51,779 --> 00:19:54,818
Okay, Dave, lets go. Go, go, go, go, go!
486
00:20:00,176 --> 00:20:01,720
I feel like a fool.
487
00:20:01,939 --> 00:20:03,596
I'm listening.
488
00:20:04,715 --> 00:20:06,617
I honestly thought if
we told her the truth,
489
00:20:06,642 --> 00:20:08,476
that she would do the right thing.
490
00:20:09,001 --> 00:20:11,136
Well, actually, she did
do the right thing.
491
00:20:11,161 --> 00:20:12,806
I mean, in this neighborhood,
492
00:20:12,846 --> 00:20:14,759
a five-second head start is
493
00:20:14,784 --> 00:20:15,260
very
494
00:20:15,285 --> 00:20:16,697
generous.
495
00:20:17,361 --> 00:20:19,378
Well, you know, maybe she
really needed the money.
496
00:20:19,403 --> 00:20:21,948
For medicine, food, rent.
497
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:23,928
Keep dreaming, Dave.
498
00:20:23,953 --> 00:20:25,183
Because come Sunday,
499
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:27,412
she is on a church bus to Vegas.
500
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,284
Well, you know, in that
case, I Don't feel so bad.
501
00:20:32,309 --> 00:20:33,743
About what?
502
00:20:35,258 --> 00:20:37,031
I still got her clock.
503
00:20:38,878 --> 00:20:40,197
Well, give it here,
504
00:20:40,222 --> 00:20:42,659
because I paid $1,500 for this thing.
505
00:20:43,434 --> 00:20:44,869
Yo, man!
506
00:20:44,903 --> 00:20:46,890
You got my grandmas clock!
507
00:20:47,047 --> 00:20:48,272
Jay-Bo?
508
00:20:48,450 --> 00:20:52,316
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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