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1
00:00:03,149 --> 00:00:06,719
I'm leavin' on a jet plane
2
00:00:06,753 --> 00:00:11,556
I don't know
when I'll be back again
3
00:00:11,591 --> 00:00:13,325
oh, babe
4
00:00:13,359 --> 00:00:14,126
[sighs]
5
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,660
You know I hate to go
6
00:00:16,495 --> 00:00:17,929
Johnny Unitas, you're
never gonna get that much
7
00:00:17,963 --> 00:00:19,063
for that thing.
8
00:00:19,097 --> 00:00:22,000
I'm leaving on a jet plane
9
00:00:22,034 --> 00:00:23,334
[sighs]
10
00:00:23,368 --> 00:00:27,271
You're insulting me to my
face, but I don't even care.
11
00:00:27,305 --> 00:00:30,440
How could I care about
anything but those dimples?
12
00:00:30,474 --> 00:00:31,575
Much better.
13
00:00:31,609 --> 00:00:33,844
You know I hate to go
14
00:00:35,613 --> 00:00:37,681
So, your brother turned out
to be a real [Bleep]
15
00:00:37,715 --> 00:00:39,182
Who could have
seen that coming?
16
00:00:39,216 --> 00:00:40,684
Um, I believe
I saw that coming.
17
00:00:40,718 --> 00:00:42,218
He arrived,
and I believe I said,
18
00:00:42,253 --> 00:00:44,387
and I quote,
"he's a real [Bleep]"
19
00:00:44,422 --> 00:00:46,156
You all need to lose weight.
20
00:00:46,190 --> 00:00:47,858
He's got that Jaime Lannister
"Game of Thrones" thing
21
00:00:47,892 --> 00:00:48,991
happening, am I right?
22
00:00:49,426 --> 00:00:50,960
- Is that the dwarf?
- No.
23
00:00:50,994 --> 00:00:52,561
Hot blond one with the dragon?
24
00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:54,029
- Can we move on?
- Sorry.
25
00:00:54,064 --> 00:00:55,030
[Sighs deeply]
26
00:00:55,065 --> 00:00:56,531
I can't believe
we're going home.
27
00:00:56,566 --> 00:00:57,599
Do we have to?
28
00:00:57,633 --> 00:00:59,368
Husband, let's go over
the facts again
29
00:00:59,402 --> 00:01:01,503
to make sure that
we're doing the right thing.
30
00:01:01,537 --> 00:01:04,239
Plus, it's smart to catch up
those two Tim Allen fans
31
00:01:04,274 --> 00:01:05,807
who accidentally tuned in.
32
00:01:05,842 --> 00:01:07,009
Of course.
33
00:01:07,043 --> 00:01:09,144
We're barely on speaking terms
with the Weavers.
34
00:01:09,179 --> 00:01:11,546
The community turned against me
in favor of my brother,
35
00:01:11,581 --> 00:01:13,014
who convinced
our 10-year-old genius
36
00:01:13,048 --> 00:01:15,083
to move to Boston
so he can attend Harvard,
37
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,918
and then gave our
teenage son a pill
38
00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:18,920
to enable him to turn human.
39
00:01:19,755 --> 00:01:21,255
Where is it?!
Where's my pill?!
40
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:22,556
I know you hid it, father.
41
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:23,891
I did.
42
00:01:23,925 --> 00:01:25,660
I will not allow my son
to alter his genetic makeup
43
00:01:25,727 --> 00:01:27,194
and become human
just for a teenage crush.
44
00:01:27,228 --> 00:01:29,196
Amber is not
just a teenage crush!
45
00:01:29,230 --> 00:01:30,765
She's the love of my life!
46
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,365
[Sighs]
- Goodness, Reggie Jackson.
47
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,268
Stop talking like
you're in a Kate Hudson film.
48
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:35,535
Yes, and if you insist on it,
49
00:01:35,569 --> 00:01:37,304
at least start using
"Fool's Gold" dialogue.
50
00:01:37,338 --> 00:01:39,206
Oh! My God!
51
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,407
- What?
- Aah!
52
00:01:40,441 --> 00:01:41,541
Oh, it's all right.
53
00:01:41,575 --> 00:01:43,476
I was just...
Under a little bit of stress.
54
00:01:43,544 --> 00:01:44,644
[Inhales deeply]
55
00:01:44,679 --> 00:01:46,413
- Ooh. My left arm is tingling.
- [Gasps]
56
00:01:47,247 --> 00:01:48,648
My goodness,
do you think that you...
57
00:01:48,682 --> 00:01:49,922
No, no, no, no,
I'm... I'm fine.
58
00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:51,350
I am staying with Amber!
59
00:01:51,384 --> 00:01:53,119
Dick:
And I am going to Harvard!
60
00:01:53,153 --> 00:01:54,386
Do you know how rare it is
61
00:01:54,454 --> 00:01:56,155
for someone my age
to get into college?
62
00:01:56,189 --> 00:01:57,756
Here's the roster,
alphabetically...
63
00:01:57,790 --> 00:01:59,691
Butkus, Dick;
Howser, Doogie.
64
00:01:59,726 --> 00:02:01,460
That's it!
So get on board!
65
00:02:01,495 --> 00:02:04,330
The only thing we are getting
on board is our spaceship.
66
00:02:04,364 --> 00:02:06,265
[Door opens, closes] Pack up those
boxes. We leave in eight hours.
67
00:02:06,299 --> 00:02:08,000
Hey, have you guys
seen Max and Abby?
68
00:02:08,034 --> 00:02:09,468
Oh, so now
you're talking to us?
69
00:02:09,503 --> 00:02:10,736
Oh, Jackie, not now.
70
00:02:10,770 --> 00:02:12,690
They're not in their rooms,
they're not anywhere,
71
00:02:12,705 --> 00:02:14,006
and they left a note...
72
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:17,109
"Ran away to outer space.
We'll try to Skype around 8:00."
73
00:02:17,143 --> 00:02:18,376
Dick, where are your friends?
74
00:02:18,410 --> 00:02:20,979
I'll never tell you! You can
waterboard me, for all I care!
75
00:02:21,014 --> 00:02:22,648
Dick.
They're in that box.
76
00:02:25,518 --> 00:02:27,385
Debbie: Guys.
77
00:02:28,219 --> 00:02:30,387
I mean, we had to try.
78
00:02:30,422 --> 00:02:32,189
They're going to outer space!
79
00:02:32,223 --> 00:02:33,958
It does sound like kind of fun.
80
00:02:33,992 --> 00:02:35,759
We could go for a long weekend.
81
00:02:35,793 --> 00:02:37,260
Nah, I got a thing Monday.
82
00:02:37,294 --> 00:02:38,995
83
00:02:39,029 --> 00:02:42,866
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
84
00:02:45,135 --> 00:02:47,671
And don't you go anywhere
near that spaceship!
85
00:02:47,705 --> 00:02:49,773
God!
86
00:02:49,807 --> 00:02:52,509
I'm gonna miss
saying things like that.
87
00:02:52,543 --> 00:02:54,845
I can't believe
the Bird-Kersees are leaving.
88
00:02:54,879 --> 00:02:56,980
We had one little fight.
So what?
89
00:02:57,014 --> 00:02:59,482
We're best friends.
90
00:02:59,516 --> 00:03:00,516
What are you doing?
91
00:03:04,221 --> 00:03:06,022
Got something you want to say
to me about this, Deb?
92
00:03:06,056 --> 00:03:08,057
Why are you holding
a used pregnancy test?
93
00:03:08,092 --> 00:03:09,558
Ugh!
Marty, wash your hands.
94
00:03:09,593 --> 00:03:11,227
How could it happen, Deb?
I don't understand.
95
00:03:11,261 --> 00:03:14,030
We've been so careful.
We've been infrequent.
96
00:03:14,064 --> 00:03:16,032
We've been aggressively
infrequent and...
97
00:03:16,066 --> 00:03:17,467
Wait. Wait.
You don't think...
98
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:18,600
Marty, I'm not pregnant.
99
00:03:18,634 --> 00:03:20,402
Deb, I found this
in our bathroom, okay?
100
00:03:20,436 --> 00:03:22,137
So if you're not pregnant,
then who...
101
00:03:22,171 --> 00:03:23,372
[Exhales sharply]
102
00:03:29,512 --> 00:03:30,512
My father can't do this.
103
00:03:30,546 --> 00:03:31,713
I mean, if I want
to become human,
104
00:03:31,747 --> 00:03:33,081
I should be allowed
to become human.
105
00:03:33,116 --> 00:03:34,349
All right, let's slow down.
106
00:03:34,384 --> 00:03:36,718
Maybe this is a good opportunity
to think about everything.
107
00:03:36,752 --> 00:03:38,253
You said you loved me, Amber.
No backsies.
108
00:03:38,287 --> 00:03:39,586
There's no backsies
on "I love you."
109
00:03:39,621 --> 00:03:40,587
No, no, no, no, no.
110
00:03:40,622 --> 00:03:41,688
Reggie, I do love you,
111
00:03:41,723 --> 00:03:43,824
and I'm very excited
about you becoming human.
112
00:03:43,858 --> 00:03:45,926
It's a game changer.
Total game changer.
113
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,761
I just think maybe you haven't
thought this through.
114
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:49,763
I mean, before, you were
a Zabvronian, you know?
115
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:53,300
And now... you're just gonna be
another Asian guy.
116
00:03:53,335 --> 00:03:54,535
No, I'm going to
work really hard
117
00:03:54,569 --> 00:03:57,771
and excel at math and violin
to distinguish myself.
118
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,640
Oh, my God! I'm not
just going to be human!
119
00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:00,841
I'm going to be Asian!
120
00:04:00,875 --> 00:04:01,875
[Gasps]
121
00:04:01,910 --> 00:04:03,643
Does this mean
I can't karaoke anymore?
122
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,611
It's a little on the nose.
123
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:06,946
And, plus, you don't even
know where the pill is.
124
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,081
Ah, but I have a plan.
125
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:09,615
Dick.
[Snaps fingers]
126
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:12,018
You wanted to see me, brother?
127
00:04:12,053 --> 00:04:13,886
As the youngest Zabvronian,
128
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,356
Dick was born with
a heightened sense of smell.
129
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,590
You follow?
130
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,725
No, but this is the kind
of stuff I'm gonna miss.
131
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,295
Dick, the pill
was last inside this box.
132
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,996
Actually, I'm pretty busy
applying for Harvard, so...
133
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,631
Ooh! [Sniffing]
134
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:27,399
Got it.
135
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:31,403
He'll find it.
He's like a Ginger Lojack.
136
00:04:38,209 --> 00:04:40,645
Honey, we need to prioritize
what we're taking home.
137
00:04:40,679 --> 00:04:42,012
We don't have enough room.
138
00:04:42,046 --> 00:04:44,181
Oh, but we have to take
the toothpick statue
139
00:04:44,215 --> 00:04:46,449
you made of Marty Weaver
when we first met them.
140
00:04:46,484 --> 00:04:48,285
And the critics thought
we wouldn't ever last.
141
00:04:48,286 --> 00:04:49,085
Hmm.
142
00:04:49,119 --> 00:04:51,087
Ohh! Look!
143
00:04:51,121 --> 00:04:53,523
It's the animated
gingerbread man I used
144
00:04:53,557 --> 00:04:54,557
to terrorize the PTA lady
145
00:04:54,558 --> 00:04:56,359
when she wouldn't listen
to Debbie Weaver.
146
00:04:56,394 --> 00:04:57,328
[High-pitched] Hey, guys!
147
00:04:57,329 --> 00:04:58,536
I'm surprised you didn't
bust me out for the holidays.
148
00:04:58,562 --> 00:05:01,564
[Chuckling]
Ohh! He's so creepy.
149
00:05:01,599 --> 00:05:03,633
- I know.
- Can't leave without this guy.
150
00:05:03,668 --> 00:05:04,734
- Mm.
- No! Get off me!
151
00:05:04,769 --> 00:05:06,269
No! Leave me alone!
Not back in the box!
152
00:05:06,303 --> 00:05:07,636
Aah!
[Muffled] I hate the box.
153
00:05:07,671 --> 00:05:09,305
And look!
154
00:05:09,339 --> 00:05:10,973
It's the puppet
that Dick Butkus made
155
00:05:11,008 --> 00:05:13,742
of Marty Weaver
for his first Halloween-ween.
156
00:05:13,811 --> 00:05:16,145
[As Marty] Hey, Deb! Deb!
Fantasy football!
157
00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:17,479
Deb! Deb!
158
00:05:17,514 --> 00:05:18,747
[Both laugh]
159
00:05:18,782 --> 00:05:20,283
Ohh.
160
00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:22,484
We're never going to see
the Weavers again, are we?
161
00:05:22,519 --> 00:05:23,652
With the time change,
162
00:05:23,687 --> 00:05:25,720
they'll be dead by the
time we back to Zabvron.
163
00:05:26,854 --> 00:05:29,356
[Sighs] I don't want to go,
husband.
164
00:05:29,391 --> 00:05:31,292
I don't, either.
165
00:05:31,326 --> 00:05:33,027
But I lost the community.
166
00:05:33,061 --> 00:05:35,629
And our children are
abandoning us one by one.
167
00:05:35,663 --> 00:05:39,199
But, Larry Bird... you don't understand
the complexity of the situation.
168
00:05:39,234 --> 00:05:42,369
You're not dealing with
what I'm dealing with.
169
00:05:42,404 --> 00:05:45,839
Of all the times to not have
my best friend to talk to.
170
00:05:45,940 --> 00:05:48,274
I wonder what she's
doing right now.
171
00:05:52,246 --> 00:05:55,114
Max wouldn't just pee on that
thing for fun, would he?
172
00:05:55,182 --> 00:05:57,851
He might,
but it wouldn't be positive.
173
00:05:58,385 --> 00:05:59,352
Hey. What's up?
174
00:05:59,386 --> 00:06:00,906
- Are you pregnant?
- Are you pregnant?
175
00:06:01,588 --> 00:06:04,090
Oh, my God.
Yes. So pregnant.
176
00:06:04,124 --> 00:06:06,091
Amber, answer your father.
177
00:06:06,125 --> 00:06:07,893
Father, I'm not pregnant.
178
00:06:07,928 --> 00:06:09,795
I know this because the furthest
I've ever gone with a guy...
179
00:06:09,863 --> 00:06:11,497
Stop answering your father.
Stop now.
180
00:06:11,531 --> 00:06:12,798
- All right, go to your room. All right.
- I'll see you at dinner.
181
00:06:12,866 --> 00:06:14,700
Don't forget... make it hearty.
I'm eating for two now.
182
00:06:14,768 --> 00:06:15,835
Go away, please.
183
00:06:15,869 --> 00:06:18,437
Aww.
Your grandson kicked.
184
00:06:18,472 --> 00:06:21,039
She's a terrible person.
Terrible person.
185
00:06:21,074 --> 00:06:22,942
So, wait a minute.
Who is pregnant?
186
00:06:22,976 --> 00:06:25,910
This is what Dick was wearing
when he said his first words.
187
00:06:25,945 --> 00:06:29,414
"I can change myself, woman.
Hands off the merchandise."
188
00:06:29,482 --> 00:06:31,383
[Gasps] So many memories.
189
00:06:31,917 --> 00:06:35,386
Are you absolutely positive
that we have to leave?
190
00:06:35,420 --> 00:06:38,022
Do you want Reggie to become
just another puny human
191
00:06:38,056 --> 00:06:39,390
destined for mortality?
192
00:06:39,424 --> 00:06:40,959
And what about Dick?
193
00:06:40,993 --> 00:06:44,028
Do you want him to become just
another spoiled Harvard grad
194
00:06:44,062 --> 00:06:46,330
destined for
the "Simpsons" writers' room?
195
00:06:46,365 --> 00:06:47,331
I do.
196
00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:49,733
Me too. His spec script
was so good.
197
00:06:49,767 --> 00:06:50,934
- Ohh.
- Oh!
198
00:06:50,969 --> 00:06:53,471
- Husband?
- No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.
199
00:06:53,505 --> 00:06:56,173
Whew. At least my left arm
is completely numb now.
200
00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:57,041
Oh.
201
00:06:57,075 --> 00:06:58,109
[Inhales sharply] Oh!
202
00:06:58,143 --> 00:06:59,543
If you'll excuse me...
Aah!
203
00:06:59,577 --> 00:07:02,279
I'm just gonna take a nap
on the floor of the bathroom.
204
00:07:02,314 --> 00:07:03,381
Okay.
205
00:07:04,748 --> 00:07:05,815
[Inhales deeply]
206
00:07:05,849 --> 00:07:06,949
You're fine, Larry.
207
00:07:06,984 --> 00:07:09,285
Just keep it together
till you get home.
208
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,622
Just eight more hours
and a couple of light-years.
209
00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:15,958
Someone's in here!
210
00:07:15,992 --> 00:07:17,259
[Sniffing]
211
00:07:17,294 --> 00:07:18,360
Wait a second.
212
00:07:18,395 --> 00:07:19,629
[Sniffing]
213
00:07:19,663 --> 00:07:20,530
Dick.
214
00:07:22,232 --> 00:07:23,198
Don't freak out.
215
00:07:23,233 --> 00:07:25,066
[Sniffs deeply]
216
00:07:28,438 --> 00:07:29,337
Does this mean...?
217
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,173
You're the only one
who knows, Dick.
218
00:07:34,743 --> 00:07:36,276
Daddy's pregnant.
219
00:07:44,878 --> 00:07:46,779
Oh, Dick.
220
00:07:46,813 --> 00:07:48,714
What am I going to do?
221
00:07:48,748 --> 00:07:51,317
I personally think
this is very exciting news.
222
00:07:51,351 --> 00:07:53,386
You're going to be
a great father.
223
00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:55,087
Third time's a charm, right?
224
00:07:55,121 --> 00:07:57,790
Thanks, Dick. That hurts
and helps all at once.
225
00:07:57,824 --> 00:07:59,625
I can't tell your mother yet.
226
00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:01,994
She wanted to have a
baby here so badly.
227
00:08:02,028 --> 00:08:04,262
And the truth is, I did, too.
228
00:08:04,297 --> 00:08:07,332
But no Zabvronian has ever
given birth in a human form.
229
00:08:07,366 --> 00:08:10,435
I mean, how do I know
my baby would be safe?
230
00:08:10,469 --> 00:08:13,438
How do I hide my back bump
from the humans?
231
00:08:13,472 --> 00:08:16,108
What hole would it come out of?
232
00:08:17,442 --> 00:08:19,377
Father, who are you
more worried about...
233
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:20,544
The baby or yourself?
234
00:08:20,578 --> 00:08:21,645
Oh, definitely myself.
235
00:08:21,679 --> 00:08:23,847
I haven't gotten
very attached to the baby yet.
236
00:08:23,882 --> 00:08:25,582
Sounds to me
like you've gotten attached
237
00:08:25,617 --> 00:08:27,718
to a great deal of things
around here.
238
00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:30,621
What a wit on him.
239
00:08:30,655 --> 00:08:31,922
[Door closes]
240
00:08:31,956 --> 00:08:35,626
What a shame he'll never
get to run the Harvard lampoon.
241
00:08:38,329 --> 00:08:40,095
Oh. Hello.
242
00:08:40,130 --> 00:08:41,897
Hi, Jackie.
243
00:08:41,932 --> 00:08:44,934
I know we're not speaking,
but we really need to talk.
244
00:08:44,968 --> 00:08:46,636
Oh, I'm so happy to hear you
say that, Debbie Weaver,
245
00:08:46,670 --> 00:08:47,769
because you're my best friend.
246
00:08:47,804 --> 00:08:50,004
Jackie, we found this
in our bathroom.
247
00:08:50,039 --> 00:08:52,006
Oh, it's beautiful!
What is it? Can I hold it?
248
00:08:52,041 --> 00:08:53,408
No, Jackie,
it's a pregnancy test.
249
00:08:53,443 --> 00:08:55,377
You pee on it, and it tells you
if you're pregnant.
250
00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:57,713
What does it tell you
if you poop on it? The weather?
251
00:08:57,747 --> 00:08:58,947
Ha! Up high!
252
00:08:58,981 --> 00:09:00,482
Actually, no.
Don't touch me.
253
00:09:00,516 --> 00:09:03,385
[Gasps] Wait a second.
Debbie Weaver, are you...
254
00:09:03,419 --> 00:09:05,580
No, no, no, Jackie. It's not
from anyone in our family.
255
00:09:05,588 --> 00:09:07,628
And when I think of things
that aren't in our family
256
00:09:07,656 --> 00:09:10,991
but are always in our house,
I think of you guys.
257
00:09:11,025 --> 00:09:12,827
[Laughs] Don't be ridiculous.
258
00:09:12,861 --> 00:09:15,663
You know that the men
in our species carry the babies.
259
00:09:15,697 --> 00:09:19,567
And if Larry Bird were pregnant,
he'd be exhibiting symptoms.
260
00:09:20,701 --> 00:09:22,168
He'd be moody...
261
00:09:23,804 --> 00:09:26,906
Give my son the remote!!
262
00:09:26,974 --> 00:09:29,008
Depressed...
263
00:09:29,042 --> 00:09:30,509
I'm hideous.
264
00:09:30,543 --> 00:09:32,178
If I get any more bloated...
265
00:09:32,212 --> 00:09:34,246
"Something, something,
Rush Limbaugh."
266
00:09:34,281 --> 00:09:37,249
He'd be having symptoms
akin to your... heart attacks.
267
00:09:38,285 --> 00:09:40,686
I think someone must have left
a hole in my cat bag.
268
00:09:41,788 --> 00:09:45,557
The cat's
out... of... the bag.
269
00:09:45,625 --> 00:09:46,792
The cat bag.
270
00:09:46,826 --> 00:09:48,060
Anyways...
271
00:09:48,095 --> 00:09:49,028
Meow.
272
00:09:49,062 --> 00:09:50,695
- I'm pregnant.
- [Gasps]
273
00:09:50,729 --> 00:09:53,731
Yes, you heard correctly,
my darling, my love.
274
00:09:54,865 --> 00:09:57,033
I have a little baby bird
nestling in my back.
275
00:09:58,470 --> 00:09:59,836
We're having a baby!
Ohh!
276
00:09:59,870 --> 00:10:00,971
Oh, my God! [Laughs]
277
00:10:01,005 --> 00:10:03,039
We're gonna have a baby!
278
00:10:03,074 --> 00:10:04,674
I mean, no jumping!
No jumping!
279
00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:06,577
Whoa. Ho. Wait.
One... one s...
280
00:10:06,611 --> 00:10:09,346
What was the pregnancy test
doing in our bathroom?
281
00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:10,647
Well, I'm not gonna pee
on my floor.
282
00:10:10,681 --> 00:10:13,016
We're having a baby! Why
am I still holding this?
283
00:10:13,050 --> 00:10:16,285
Oh, Marty! We can give them
Abby's bassinet!
284
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:17,787
We can give them Abby
for all I care!
285
00:10:17,822 --> 00:10:19,956
No one in our house is pregnant!
This is the best day ever!
286
00:10:19,991 --> 00:10:22,025
[Sighs]
- We have to go, don't we?
287
00:10:22,059 --> 00:10:24,427
Now I see why you
were so insistent.
288
00:10:24,461 --> 00:10:25,194
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
289
00:10:25,229 --> 00:10:26,195
Don't think for a second
290
00:10:26,230 --> 00:10:27,510
I'm gonna let you
guys leave now.
291
00:10:27,531 --> 00:10:29,933
Oh, you don't understand,
Debbie Weaver.
292
00:10:29,967 --> 00:10:32,234
Well, how is Larry
Bird going to hide
293
00:10:32,268 --> 00:10:34,036
his adorable baby back bump?
294
00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:36,805
What hole
will it even come out of?
295
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,540
Or will it make its own hole?
296
00:10:38,574 --> 00:10:39,441
Ugh!
297
00:10:39,475 --> 00:10:40,876
It's not just the baby.
298
00:10:40,910 --> 00:10:43,278
Everything is out of control.
299
00:10:43,312 --> 00:10:45,047
Jackie: Ohh.
300
00:10:46,716 --> 00:10:48,050
- You.
- Unh-unh.
301
00:10:49,784 --> 00:10:50,751
- Me?
- Y... you. You.
302
00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:52,085
Definitely you.
303
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:53,252
[Stomps feet]
304
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,220
Larry!
305
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,555
You're always saying, you know,
306
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:56,956
"I'm the supreme
leader of this,"
307
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,491
"I'm the supreme
leader of that."
308
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,460
You know... lead!
309
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,295
[Theme from "Bridge over the river
Kwai" plays] There'll always be
310
00:11:01,329 --> 00:11:03,896
other Harvards and
genetic-altering pills
311
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,732
and... scary male pregnancies
312
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,600
and DJ Jazzy Jeffs...
313
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:08,975
[Music distorts, slows]
The things that have come
314
00:11:08,976 --> 00:11:10,878
out of my mouth this season...
315
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,265
Baby, stay on point.
Stay on point.
316
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,071
Yeah.
317
00:11:13,105 --> 00:11:14,473
[Music normalizes] Larry...
318
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,876
Going back to Zabvron isn't
fixing your problems, okay?
319
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:19,310
It's running away from them.
320
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:23,047
You are a supreme leader.
321
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:25,684
If you lead, they will follow.
322
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:27,218
I know we would.
323
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,621
'Cause that's
what friends are for?
324
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:30,622
No.
325
00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:34,191
No, because that's
what family is.
326
00:11:34,225 --> 00:11:36,326
Get over here.
327
00:11:36,361 --> 00:11:39,697
You know, that's the first
time we have hugged!
328
00:11:39,731 --> 00:11:41,365
Yes, I know.
And I-I didn't like it.
329
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:42,767
And if you don't do that again,
330
00:11:42,801 --> 00:11:46,504
I shall go out and try
and win back my community.
331
00:11:46,538 --> 00:11:47,505
[Squeals]
332
00:11:47,539 --> 00:11:49,573
Never feels good helping him.
333
00:11:56,412 --> 00:11:57,913
What the hell are you doing?
334
00:11:57,947 --> 00:11:59,147
Oh, hey.
335
00:11:59,182 --> 00:12:00,682
I figured my father maybe
hid the pill in my room
336
00:12:00,717 --> 00:12:02,250
because he knew it'd be
the last place I'd look.
337
00:12:02,284 --> 00:12:05,153
Reggie, I need you
to hear me right now.
338
00:12:05,188 --> 00:12:07,222
I want you to see what it means
to really be human.
339
00:12:07,256 --> 00:12:08,356
What's that?
340
00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:10,759
It's a book.
It's called "Everyone poops."
341
00:12:10,793 --> 00:12:12,227
And it's...
342
00:12:12,261 --> 00:12:13,894
Accurate.
Everyone poops.
343
00:12:13,929 --> 00:12:15,963
If you become human,
you will, too. It's not great.
344
00:12:15,997 --> 00:12:17,264
Amber...
345
00:12:17,298 --> 00:12:20,234
Photographs of Asian men
with male pattern baldness.
346
00:12:20,268 --> 00:12:23,170
Your hair is not human.
It's going to become human.
347
00:12:23,205 --> 00:12:25,005
Can you handle knowing that?
348
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,208
Amber, I love you...
349
00:12:27,242 --> 00:12:28,876
This is a bloomin' onion.
350
00:12:28,910 --> 00:12:31,345
It's 2,200 calories.
351
00:12:31,379 --> 00:12:32,713
You will want to eat it.
352
00:12:32,748 --> 00:12:33,948
You will eat it.
353
00:12:33,982 --> 00:12:35,514
It will make you nauseous.
354
00:12:35,549 --> 00:12:36,649
Amber...
355
00:12:36,983 --> 00:12:38,918
And, eventually,
after you eat enough of them
356
00:12:38,952 --> 00:12:41,154
and do a million other
bad things to your body,
357
00:12:41,188 --> 00:12:42,355
you will die.
358
00:12:42,389 --> 00:12:45,391
You will be old
and bald and weak
359
00:12:45,426 --> 00:12:47,226
and then... dead.
360
00:12:47,261 --> 00:12:50,263
And I need you to hear that...
Really hear that...
361
00:12:50,297 --> 00:12:51,597
Because I don't know
if I'm ready
362
00:12:51,631 --> 00:12:54,100
for you to take all that on
just for me.
363
00:12:55,134 --> 00:12:56,634
I love you, Reggie.
364
00:12:57,203 --> 00:13:01,038
I might even love you too much
to let you do this.
365
00:13:08,947 --> 00:13:11,014
Remember, everyone...
Just the bare necessities.
366
00:13:11,049 --> 00:13:12,116
[Sighs]
367
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:14,351
Kevin, aren't you excited?
368
00:13:14,386 --> 00:13:15,952
[Grunts] - You're gonna be
back to your old self again.
369
00:13:15,987 --> 00:13:17,788
And no one's gonna remember
the joke we played
370
00:13:17,822 --> 00:13:19,502
when we said we were
all coming as alpacas.
371
00:13:19,523 --> 00:13:20,456
[Grunts]
372
00:13:20,491 --> 00:13:22,292
Stop taunting Kevin, brother.
373
00:13:22,326 --> 00:13:24,995
This has gone far enough.
374
00:13:25,029 --> 00:13:28,431
Remember, you're like
my Michelle Obama.
375
00:13:28,465 --> 00:13:30,666
Despite my dip,
your ratings remain high
376
00:13:30,701 --> 00:13:32,936
because of
your aspirational arms.
377
00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:35,071
If this all goes wrong, jump in
378
00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:37,540
and talk about child obesity
or something.
379
00:13:37,674 --> 00:13:40,475
Brother, your time here has...
380
00:13:40,510 --> 00:13:41,543
That's right!
381
00:13:41,577 --> 00:13:42,811
You tell him, Lar!
382
00:13:43,245 --> 00:13:44,379
Sorry.
383
00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:46,215
We got... we jumped the gun
just a little bit.
384
00:13:46,248 --> 00:13:47,549
Community!
385
00:13:47,583 --> 00:13:50,385
We were happy before he arrived,
were we not?
386
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:52,354
"Happy's" a strong word.
387
00:13:52,388 --> 00:13:55,123
Well, we were fond
of this place...
388
00:13:55,157 --> 00:13:58,793
Of their iPhones
and their Adam sandler comedies.
389
00:13:58,827 --> 00:14:00,347
- "Spanglish." - "Spanglish."
- "Spanglish."
390
00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:02,029
And their Starbucks.
391
00:14:02,063 --> 00:14:04,031
Actually, we've got a Starbucks
on Zabvron now.
392
00:14:04,065 --> 00:14:05,365
Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! - Oooh!
393
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,499
Kareem: I was about to
throw out my gift card!
394
00:14:06,534 --> 00:14:08,135
Let's get out of here!
395
00:14:08,169 --> 00:14:09,669
[Clears throat]
396
00:14:09,703 --> 00:14:12,505
[American voice]
Our children are too fat.
397
00:14:13,140 --> 00:14:14,707
The children are very fat.
398
00:14:14,742 --> 00:14:16,809
She really does have
great arms, doesn't she?
399
00:14:16,844 --> 00:14:18,677
My fellow Zabvronians,
400
00:14:18,711 --> 00:14:22,581
I have made some mistakes
since I've been here.
401
00:14:22,615 --> 00:14:25,050
But the one mistake
I won't make
402
00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:27,485
is leaving this planet
and leaving our friends
403
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,087
before our mission is over
404
00:14:29,121 --> 00:14:32,858
just because what we face
is uncertain and a bit scary.
405
00:14:32,892 --> 00:14:33,926
[Grunts]
406
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,361
This isn't a command,
but a request...
407
00:14:37,395 --> 00:14:38,930
stay with me.
408
00:14:38,964 --> 00:14:42,867
Continue our
exploration of earth,
409
00:14:42,901 --> 00:14:45,836
continue growing our
relationship with the weavers.
410
00:14:46,471 --> 00:14:48,905
For if we stand strong
together,
411
00:14:48,939 --> 00:14:51,941
there's nothing
that can break us apart!
412
00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:53,343
[Exhales deeply]
413
00:14:53,378 --> 00:14:55,712
And if that's not reason enough
to stand with me...
414
00:14:55,746 --> 00:14:58,047
I'm having a baby!
415
00:14:58,081 --> 00:14:59,649
Aah! [Laughs]
- I'm having a baby!
416
00:14:59,683 --> 00:15:02,251
- Go, Larry! Ah! Yeah!
- I'm having a baby!
417
00:15:02,286 --> 00:15:03,486
I'm having a baby!
418
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,788
I'm... having...
419
00:15:10,793 --> 00:15:12,660
How will he hide his back bump?
420
00:15:12,695 --> 00:15:14,929
What hole
will it even come out of?
421
00:15:14,964 --> 00:15:18,199
I think we should call this.
The ship is sinking.
422
00:15:18,233 --> 00:15:19,467
DJ Jazzy Jeff:
All right, I'm gonna go ahead
423
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:21,535
and call pre-boarding
for all Zabvronians
424
00:15:21,570 --> 00:15:22,970
with elite status.
425
00:15:23,004 --> 00:15:25,573
Ah...
Oh. No, wait.
426
00:15:25,607 --> 00:15:28,442
That's...
- [Chuckling] That's only me.
427
00:15:28,477 --> 00:15:30,311
Suck it, coach trash.
428
00:15:32,114 --> 00:15:33,380
[Grunts]
429
00:15:33,415 --> 00:15:35,781
[Indistinct conversations]
430
00:15:35,816 --> 00:15:37,150
And remember...
431
00:15:37,184 --> 00:15:42,322
Calisthenics are good
for both mind and body.
432
00:15:42,356 --> 00:15:43,590
Screw it.
[Clears throat]
433
00:15:45,025 --> 00:15:46,593
Well, that's not good.
434
00:15:57,341 --> 00:15:58,874
Kareem, you'd really leave me
435
00:15:58,909 --> 00:16:00,743
after everything
we've been through?
436
00:16:00,777 --> 00:16:02,579
I mean, they have
a Starbucks now, so...
437
00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:03,379
But...
438
00:16:03,414 --> 00:16:04,880
[Exhales sharply]
439
00:16:04,915 --> 00:16:06,616
[Sighs]
440
00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:08,850
There was a month
where I wanted you.
441
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:09,618
Mm...
442
00:16:11,087 --> 00:16:13,121
Mary Lou Retton!
443
00:16:13,155 --> 00:16:15,056
Me too.
444
00:16:15,091 --> 00:16:16,325
Mm...
445
00:16:18,828 --> 00:16:20,529
Surely, not you, too, Johnny U?
446
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,131
It's just... I already made
all the shirts.
447
00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:31,371
Father wants a word.
448
00:16:33,707 --> 00:16:34,841
[Beep]
- Hi, daddy.
449
00:16:34,875 --> 00:16:37,744
Your brother tells me
you're with child?
450
00:16:37,778 --> 00:16:38,711
Mm, I am.
451
00:16:38,746 --> 00:16:40,413
And you're going to stay there?
452
00:16:40,448 --> 00:16:43,150
What hole will the baby
even come out of?
453
00:16:43,184 --> 00:16:45,818
Everyone, stop talking
about the hole!
454
00:16:45,853 --> 00:16:46,886
God!
455
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,688
Son, we will likely
never speak again.
456
00:16:49,722 --> 00:16:52,724
You are a total embarrassment
457
00:16:52,759 --> 00:16:54,860
and an abject failure.
458
00:16:54,894 --> 00:16:56,061
But despite that...
459
00:16:56,095 --> 00:16:57,163
[Tablet chimes]
460
00:16:57,197 --> 00:17:00,432
Oh, crap.
I have another call.
461
00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:01,467
Bye.
462
00:17:05,972 --> 00:17:07,072
Last chance.
463
00:17:09,241 --> 00:17:10,175
[Sighs]
464
00:17:10,209 --> 00:17:12,177
All right.
465
00:17:12,211 --> 00:17:14,345
Goodbye forever.
466
00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:17,983
[John Denver's
"Leaving on a jet plane" plays]
467
00:17:18,017 --> 00:17:21,153
[Engines roaring]
468
00:17:24,555 --> 00:17:30,060
'Cause I'm leavin'
on a jet plane
469
00:17:30,095 --> 00:17:33,696
don't know
when I'll be back again
470
00:17:35,332 --> 00:17:40,103
oh, babe, I hate to go
471
00:17:40,137 --> 00:17:41,504
[leaves rustling]
472
00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:47,110
'Cause I'm leavin'
on a jet plane
473
00:17:47,144 --> 00:17:50,446
don't know
when I'll be back again
474
00:17:52,348 --> 00:17:57,752
oh, babe, I hate to go
475
00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:04,192
[sighs]
476
00:18:04,227 --> 00:18:07,229
I don't know what to do now.
477
00:18:07,297 --> 00:18:11,400
I just don't know what's next.
478
00:18:13,167 --> 00:18:15,736
Dick, if you want Harvard,
you should go to Harvard.
479
00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:16,669
I won't stop you.
480
00:18:16,703 --> 00:18:19,572
Reggie...
481
00:18:19,607 --> 00:18:21,641
If you want to be human,
I won't stop you, either.
482
00:18:23,076 --> 00:18:24,377
I'm all out of answers.
483
00:18:24,445 --> 00:18:25,445
Enough.
484
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:28,948
But I...
- I said "enough."
485
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:31,251
Larry Bird,
I have never doubted you
486
00:18:31,285 --> 00:18:33,753
on this mission...
Not once.
487
00:18:33,787 --> 00:18:35,921
You said "name yourself
Jackie Joyner-Kersee."
488
00:18:35,956 --> 00:18:36,956
You'll fit right in."
489
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,057
I did it.
490
00:18:38,091 --> 00:18:39,591
"New Jersey is
the garden state," you said.
491
00:18:39,626 --> 00:18:41,160
"It will be beautiful."
I listened.
492
00:18:41,894 --> 00:18:43,962
It's a great pep talk,
but do you have a point?
493
00:18:43,996 --> 00:18:46,097
My point, husband,
494
00:18:46,131 --> 00:18:48,734
is that you are wrong
a great deal of the time.
495
00:18:48,768 --> 00:18:50,802
But if there's one thing
I can count on,
496
00:18:50,870 --> 00:18:53,238
it's that you will be confident
and doubtless
497
00:18:53,272 --> 00:18:55,974
even when
you are completely clueless.
498
00:18:56,008 --> 00:18:58,810
It's what I love most
about you, Larry Bird.
499
00:18:58,845 --> 00:19:00,411
Well, that's kind of
depressing, isn't it?
500
00:19:00,445 --> 00:19:01,979
- Shh! - Shh! - Shh! - Shh!
501
00:19:02,513 --> 00:19:05,382
We were surrounded
by our brethren for a decade.
502
00:19:05,416 --> 00:19:08,718
There was safety in that,
but... we're all alone now.
503
00:19:08,753 --> 00:19:09,953
Not entirely.
504
00:19:09,988 --> 00:19:11,654
Hey, you won't be
getting rid of us any time soon.
505
00:19:11,689 --> 00:19:13,257
Uh-huh. The Weavers
aren't going anywhere.
506
00:19:13,291 --> 00:19:14,524
Got nowhere to go.
507
00:19:14,558 --> 00:19:16,493
We couldn't move if we wanted to.
Couldn't afford it.
508
00:19:16,527 --> 00:19:17,694
Adjustable interest rates!
509
00:19:17,728 --> 00:19:19,596
Look like we're gonna be
stuck in our townhome
510
00:19:19,630 --> 00:19:20,864
till the day we die.
511
00:19:20,899 --> 00:19:22,399
[Chuckling] Okay, okay.
Well, you guys... get it.
512
00:19:22,433 --> 00:19:24,300
You know what?
Screw Harvard.
513
00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:27,470
Zuckerberg didn't need them.
Neither does the Butkus.
514
00:19:27,505 --> 00:19:28,971
I stand with you, father.
515
00:19:29,006 --> 00:19:31,140
[The Fray's "Love
don't die" plays]
516
00:19:36,881 --> 00:19:40,884
I would go bald and poop
for you, Amber, in a heartbeat.
517
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:42,919
But there's only four of us left
on this entire planet,
518
00:19:42,953 --> 00:19:46,522
and we can't afford
to lose any more Zabvronians.
519
00:19:47,556 --> 00:19:48,523
Not today.
520
00:19:49,992 --> 00:19:53,528
So...
I won't lie to you.
521
00:19:53,562 --> 00:19:55,964
I don't know what things are going
to look like this time next year,
522
00:19:55,998 --> 00:19:58,099
but I know
we're going to make it.
523
00:19:58,134 --> 00:20:01,403
I can't see the path yet,
but it's there.
524
00:20:01,437 --> 00:20:03,171
- Wednesdays?
- You never know.
525
00:20:03,205 --> 00:20:04,672
I've heard whispers
about ABC Family?
526
00:20:04,706 --> 00:20:06,340
- Oh, screw that.
- Ooh!
527
00:20:06,374 --> 00:20:09,677
Every step along the way,
they've counted us out.
528
00:20:09,711 --> 00:20:12,447
No one thought
we would last this long,
529
00:20:12,481 --> 00:20:14,615
and we did.
530
00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:18,486
And so help me,
we'll do it again.
531
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,087
Love don't die
532
00:20:20,121 --> 00:20:22,657
no matter where we go
533
00:20:22,691 --> 00:20:25,860
we can rebuild this community.
534
00:20:25,894 --> 00:20:28,495
We just need to stick together!
535
00:20:28,529 --> 00:20:31,731
There's nothing coming
that we can't handle
536
00:20:31,766 --> 00:20:35,069
on this or any other planet.
537
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:37,304
Love don't die
538
00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:47,347
Here come the humans.
539
00:20:56,684 --> 00:20:58,985
Well, here we are.
540
00:20:59,820 --> 00:21:01,019
[Sighs]
541
00:21:01,054 --> 00:21:03,488
Honey, I was worried I was
gonna have buyer's remorse,
542
00:21:03,556 --> 00:21:06,858
but I love it more
every time I see it.
543
00:21:06,925 --> 00:21:08,626
Well, it's all yours, baby.
544
00:21:12,732 --> 00:21:15,099
Oh. I wonder
- what the neighbors are like.
545
00:21:15,133 --> 00:21:16,934
Oh, please make them normal.
546
00:21:18,637 --> 00:21:20,772
Oh, crap.
547
00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:25,372
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