Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,027 --> 00:00:04,561
[Indistinct speaking
over telephone]
2
00:00:04,628 --> 00:00:05,862
[Sighs] Yes, I understand.
3
00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:06,996
Uh-huh.
4
00:00:07,064 --> 00:00:08,064
Uh-huh.
5
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:10,533
Who's mom talking to?
6
00:00:10,601 --> 00:00:12,869
I don't know, but her forehead
vein is working overtime.
7
00:00:12,937 --> 00:00:15,138
Okay, well, it sounds lovely,
8
00:00:15,206 --> 00:00:16,673
but I have to think about it.
9
00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:19,808
I got to go.
I'm stirring the sauce, ma.
10
00:00:19,875 --> 00:00:22,077
You have a friend named "ma"?
11
00:00:22,144 --> 00:00:24,312
No.
That was your grandma.
12
00:00:24,380 --> 00:00:25,513
But grandma's dad's mom.
13
00:00:25,581 --> 00:00:26,781
This is your other grandma.
14
00:00:26,849 --> 00:00:28,049
Grandma has a sister?
15
00:00:28,117 --> 00:00:29,651
No! It's my mom!
16
00:00:29,719 --> 00:00:30,785
Both:
You have a mom?!
17
00:00:30,853 --> 00:00:31,953
[Laughing] Yes.
18
00:00:32,021 --> 00:00:33,688
Don't you guys remember
grandma Janet?
19
00:00:33,756 --> 00:00:35,356
Oh, is she the one you said
20
00:00:35,424 --> 00:00:36,925
went off to live on a farm
21
00:00:36,992 --> 00:00:39,761
where she could roam free
with all the other grandmas?
22
00:00:40,830 --> 00:00:42,151
A proud parenting
moment, Deborah.
23
00:00:42,164 --> 00:00:44,065
Oh, zip it. Like you're gonna
be such a good parent.
24
00:00:44,133 --> 00:00:45,667
Another proud parenting moment.
25
00:00:46,335 --> 00:00:47,935
Okay, the reason
that we don't spend
26
00:00:48,003 --> 00:00:50,037
so much time with
grandma Janet is because
27
00:00:50,105 --> 00:00:52,373
she wasn't the best mom to me
when I was growing up.
28
00:00:52,441 --> 00:00:54,208
Marty:
What'd she want this time?
29
00:00:54,276 --> 00:00:57,545
She got a timeshare from
Bruce in her latest divorce,
30
00:00:57,612 --> 00:00:59,347
and she wants us
to come to San Diego
31
00:00:59,414 --> 00:01:01,015
and meet
her special new friend.
32
00:01:01,083 --> 00:01:02,617
I heard a rumor
that in San Diego
33
00:01:02,684 --> 00:01:03,918
it's three hours earlier!
34
00:01:03,986 --> 00:01:06,621
We got to get these
kids out of Jersey. Mm.
35
00:01:06,688 --> 00:01:08,990
I sure would like to meet
my other grandma.
36
00:01:09,057 --> 00:01:10,524
Buenas noches, Weavers.
37
00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:11,959
Hey, guys. We're actually in
the middle of dinner right now.
38
00:01:12,027 --> 00:01:13,527
I'm doing terrible.
Thanks for asking.
39
00:01:14,395 --> 00:01:16,930
I just pulled a double
shift at Salsa Castle.
40
00:01:16,998 --> 00:01:18,065
It was hella loco.
41
00:01:18,132 --> 00:01:19,499
And I'm pretty much
single-handedly
42
00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:20,807
keeping the coffee shop afloat.
43
00:01:20,835 --> 00:01:22,035
Working in the food industry
44
00:01:22,103 --> 00:01:23,637
is nothing like "two guys,
a girl and a pizza place."
45
00:01:23,704 --> 00:01:26,339
If only there was something
that existed to help us relax.
46
00:01:26,407 --> 00:01:27,374
Yes.
47
00:01:28,042 --> 00:01:29,375
A socially acceptable
opportunity
48
00:01:29,443 --> 00:01:31,844
to get away from it all for,
say, one to two weeks a year
49
00:01:31,912 --> 00:01:34,013
with the understanding
that you'd then return to work
50
00:01:34,081 --> 00:01:36,521
refreshed and recharged, thus
actually improving productivity.
51
00:01:36,583 --> 00:01:38,584
Okay, well,
what you guys are describing
52
00:01:38,652 --> 00:01:39,952
is called a vacation.
53
00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:42,255
And it just so happens
54
00:01:42,323 --> 00:01:44,657
that this family
is gonna be going on one.
55
00:01:44,725 --> 00:01:45,658
We are?
56
00:01:45,726 --> 00:01:46,826
Yeah!
57
00:01:46,894 --> 00:01:48,261
The kids deserve
to know their grandma,
58
00:01:48,329 --> 00:01:49,495
and we all deserve
a little r&r.
59
00:01:49,563 --> 00:01:50,430
Yeah!
Yeah!
60
00:01:50,497 --> 00:01:52,098
Yay!
61
00:01:52,166 --> 00:01:53,333
Wait.
62
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:54,440
Why are you guys cheering?
63
00:01:54,501 --> 00:01:55,541
'Cause we're coming, too..
64
00:01:55,569 --> 00:01:56,809
No, you're not gonna go with...
65
00:01:56,870 --> 00:01:58,404
You know what? That might
not be such a bad idea.
66
00:01:58,472 --> 00:02:00,606
The more bodies, the less time
I have to spend alone
67
00:02:00,674 --> 00:02:02,342
with my mom
and her new special friend.
68
00:02:02,409 --> 00:02:03,409
So, what do you say, guys?
69
00:02:03,410 --> 00:02:05,011
You want to be
our alien buffers?
70
00:02:05,079 --> 00:02:05,812
We'd be honored.
71
00:02:05,879 --> 00:02:06,879
Max:
Wait a second.
72
00:02:06,947 --> 00:02:08,348
When you said my hamster, ace,
73
00:02:08,415 --> 00:02:10,249
went off to live on a farm,
74
00:02:10,317 --> 00:02:12,151
does that really mean
he's in San Diego, too?
75
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,053
Oh, no.
He's dead, buddy.
76
00:02:14,121 --> 00:02:16,489
When does your parenting
book come out?
77
00:02:18,025 --> 00:02:18,958
[Slurps]
78
00:02:20,326 --> 00:02:21,760
?
79
00:02:21,827 --> 00:02:25,597
We came from outer space
and settled in New Jersey
80
00:02:25,665 --> 00:02:29,434
we took names like Larry Bird
and Jackie Joyner-Kersee
81
00:02:29,502 --> 00:02:31,603
then the humans
moved next door
82
00:02:31,671 --> 00:02:33,772
started testing
all our limits
83
00:02:33,839 --> 00:02:35,941
so sit right down,
enjoy the show
84
00:02:36,008 --> 00:02:38,443
we'll be done in 30 minutes
85
00:02:38,511 --> 00:02:41,446
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
86
00:02:41,514 --> 00:02:44,416
Darling, this vacation
is a mistake.
87
00:02:44,483 --> 00:02:47,018
Packing is so stressful.
88
00:02:47,086 --> 00:02:48,787
Obviously, I need my pale pink,
89
00:02:48,854 --> 00:02:50,589
my medium pink, my dark pink,
90
00:02:50,656 --> 00:02:52,490
and my dark-medium
pink shirts,
91
00:02:52,558 --> 00:02:54,826
but then I won't have
room for my crocs.
92
00:02:54,894 --> 00:02:56,695
Don't overthink it, cinnabun.
93
00:02:56,762 --> 00:02:58,730
We're only going
for a few days.
94
00:02:58,798 --> 00:03:00,932
I've just packed
my flowiest dresses
95
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,501
and some sensible stilettos.
96
00:03:02,568 --> 00:03:04,469
Okay, that's
the shirt suitcase.
97
00:03:04,537 --> 00:03:05,971
Now for the pants.
98
00:03:09,642 --> 00:03:11,243
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey.
99
00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:13,044
Don't forget your bathing suit.
100
00:03:13,112 --> 00:03:15,714
The ocean in California
is, like, the perfect temp.
101
00:03:15,781 --> 00:03:16,748
Um, nope.
102
00:03:16,816 --> 00:03:19,017
Abby Weaver does not do ocean.
103
00:03:19,085 --> 00:03:20,166
What are you talking about?
104
00:03:20,219 --> 00:03:21,987
The year... 2010.
105
00:03:22,054 --> 00:03:23,188
The victim...
106
00:03:23,256 --> 00:03:25,290
Marty Weaver, pulled away
by a vicious current.
107
00:03:25,358 --> 00:03:27,859
The hero...
A lifeguard named Jasper
108
00:03:27,927 --> 00:03:29,961
who has to kiss dad
on the mouth
109
00:03:30,029 --> 00:03:31,363
to keep him from dying.
110
00:03:31,430 --> 00:03:32,230
[Sighs]
111
00:03:32,298 --> 00:03:33,698
You remember that?
112
00:03:33,766 --> 00:03:35,467
You kissed Amber's first crush.
113
00:03:35,535 --> 00:03:37,235
It's kind of burned
in my brain.
114
00:03:37,303 --> 00:03:39,704
I'm never going in the
ocean as long as I live.
115
00:03:39,772 --> 00:03:40,806
I didn't kiss him.
116
00:03:40,873 --> 00:03:41,873
Yes, you did.
117
00:03:41,941 --> 00:03:43,575
Okay, just finish packing.
118
00:03:43,643 --> 00:03:45,744
[Sighs heavily]
119
00:03:45,812 --> 00:03:48,313
I feel terrible that
I have to leave Jane
120
00:03:48,381 --> 00:03:50,248
to go on vacation with my ex.
121
00:03:50,316 --> 00:03:52,684
Let's send her a picture
of us packing.
122
00:03:52,752 --> 00:03:55,087
[Squeals]
123
00:03:55,154 --> 00:03:56,488
"Missing you already."
124
00:03:56,556 --> 00:03:59,658
Sad face, heart, airplane.
125
00:03:59,725 --> 00:04:00,826
This is a nightmare.
126
00:04:00,893 --> 00:04:03,061
No. A nightmare
is what the harsh cali sun
127
00:04:03,129 --> 00:04:06,331
is going to do to the butkus'
creamy white shell.
128
00:04:07,767 --> 00:04:09,334
Man: You accept what is
beyond your control.
129
00:04:09,402 --> 00:04:12,504
"I accept what is
beyond my control."
130
00:04:12,572 --> 00:04:14,005
Mom, the last thing I need
131
00:04:14,073 --> 00:04:16,074
is to be stuck on
vacation with Reggie,
132
00:04:16,142 --> 00:04:18,543
listening to my ex
talk about his new girlfriend.
133
00:04:18,611 --> 00:04:20,645
Not that I want
to be with Reggie.
134
00:04:20,713 --> 00:04:22,581
I've got my own stuff going on.
135
00:04:22,648 --> 00:04:23,615
Don't make me go.
136
00:04:23,683 --> 00:04:25,784
"I accept what I cannot change."
137
00:04:25,852 --> 00:04:27,119
Oh, God!
138
00:04:27,186 --> 00:04:28,720
Did you hear anything
I just said?
139
00:04:28,788 --> 00:04:30,155
No!
140
00:04:30,223 --> 00:04:32,257
I was listening
to my self-help book.
141
00:04:32,325 --> 00:04:35,427
It's about accepting people
as they are, flaws and all.
142
00:04:35,495 --> 00:04:37,829
So I should accept the fact
that I have a mother
143
00:04:37,897 --> 00:04:39,965
who's making me go on
vacation with my ex,
144
00:04:40,033 --> 00:04:42,701
even though it constitutes
cruel and unusual punishment.
145
00:04:42,769 --> 00:04:46,438
Oh, sweetie, if you think that's
cruel and unusual punishment,
146
00:04:46,506 --> 00:04:49,041
wait till grandma tries
to do a body shot off of you.
147
00:04:49,108 --> 00:04:51,943
["Holiday road" plays]
148
00:04:52,411 --> 00:04:54,412
Larry:
Keep it moving!
149
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,680
Move out of the aisles!
150
00:04:55,748 --> 00:04:57,182
Luggage up! Bodies in!
151
00:04:57,249 --> 00:04:58,450
Excuse me, sir.
152
00:04:58,517 --> 00:05:01,052
I can't believe they took
my medium-hold pomade.
153
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,320
Those animals.
154
00:05:02,388 --> 00:05:04,656
Where will we put our legs?
This is savage!
155
00:05:04,724 --> 00:05:06,958
Everyone has
their own tray table.
156
00:05:07,026 --> 00:05:09,994
The flight attendants look
like daytime talk-show hosts.
157
00:05:10,062 --> 00:05:11,162
This is perfection.
158
00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:15,999
I accept the people I love
will disappoint me.
159
00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:18,235
This gon... gonna be the whole...
The whole ride?
160
00:05:18,303 --> 00:05:20,070
I mean, it's okay.
It's totally cool.
161
00:05:20,138 --> 00:05:22,005
I'm just... I'm asking...
The whole ride?
162
00:05:22,073 --> 00:05:25,909
[Chuckles] Jane is so funny.
163
00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:28,337
[Cellphone beeps] Oh, that's
just the guy I'm seeing... Zak.
164
00:05:28,346 --> 00:05:30,147
Great.
College guy?
165
00:05:30,215 --> 00:05:31,448
Mm-hmm.
166
00:05:31,516 --> 00:05:33,083
[Laughs]
167
00:05:33,151 --> 00:05:35,552
Classic Zak.
168
00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:36,954
Will you get my back?
169
00:05:38,957 --> 00:05:41,391
Dick, we're inside.
170
00:05:41,459 --> 00:05:43,527
Nicole Kidman
told allure.com
171
00:05:43,595 --> 00:05:45,095
that you can never
have enough sunscreen,
172
00:05:45,163 --> 00:05:47,931
and homegirl
looks like a porcelain doll.
173
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:50,834
Wife, this was a huge mistake.
174
00:05:50,902 --> 00:05:52,503
Vacations are full
of new things I hate.
175
00:05:52,570 --> 00:05:55,405
Husband, vacations
are for letting go.
176
00:05:55,473 --> 00:05:56,406
Oh, look!
177
00:05:56,474 --> 00:05:58,075
"Leave the stress
of work behind
178
00:05:58,143 --> 00:06:00,511
with a relaxing couple's
massage at the Cortez spa."
179
00:06:00,578 --> 00:06:01,545
That sounds fantastic.
180
00:06:02,513 --> 00:06:04,781
Miss! I can't fasten
my tummy rope!
181
00:06:04,848 --> 00:06:06,883
A-and... and my wife and I
would like to move to the front.
182
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,271
I don't know
if you've noticed it,
183
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,652
but the seats
are much bigger up there.
184
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,821
- And who the hell are you?!
- I'm 8c.
185
00:06:11,889 --> 00:06:14,357
That's a ridiculous name.
And you're not sitting there!
186
00:06:14,425 --> 00:06:15,491
Tell her, plane slave!
187
00:06:15,559 --> 00:06:19,429
Sorry, 8c. I think
you might have to go.
188
00:06:21,065 --> 00:06:22,332
Janet: Sweetie!
Debbie: Oh! Hey!
189
00:06:22,399 --> 00:06:24,834
- Oh, come in. Come in. Come in.
- Hey, Janet!
190
00:06:24,902 --> 00:06:26,536
[Laughing] Hi.
You look terrific.
191
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:27,637
Oh!
192
00:06:27,705 --> 00:06:29,005
Oh, Abby, you're so blond!
193
00:06:29,073 --> 00:06:31,174
[Chuckles]
Amber, you grew boobs.
194
00:06:31,241 --> 00:06:33,843
- Ma, please!
- Lighten up. It's a compliment.
195
00:06:33,911 --> 00:06:35,511
[Chuckles]
Hi. Hello.
196
00:06:35,579 --> 00:06:36,913
Come in.
197
00:06:36,981 --> 00:06:38,114
Hi. Hi.
198
00:06:38,182 --> 00:06:40,283
Ah, hello.
199
00:06:41,851 --> 00:06:43,218
[Door closes]
200
00:06:43,285 --> 00:06:44,452
These are your neighbors?
201
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,388
And you must be Debbie's
estranged, slutty mother.
202
00:06:47,456 --> 00:06:48,223
A pleasure.
203
00:06:48,290 --> 00:06:50,391
Okay, so...
204
00:06:50,459 --> 00:06:54,262
I'd like you all to meet
my new special friend.
205
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,598
Benjamin, sweetie,
they're here!
206
00:06:56,665 --> 00:06:59,134
I accept you.
I accept this, no exceptions.
207
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:03,304
Hi.
I'm Benjamin.
208
00:07:03,372 --> 00:07:05,540
Debbie, meet your new brother.
209
00:07:07,042 --> 00:07:08,810
I'm Debbie Weaver.
Nice to meet you.
210
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:12,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
211
00:07:17,302 --> 00:07:18,603
Debbie: Mom,
I don't understand this.
212
00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:20,371
Well, this is Benjamin.
213
00:07:20,439 --> 00:07:23,941
He's 10 years old, and I
adopted him four months ago.
214
00:07:25,110 --> 00:07:26,978
Together:
Hi, Benjamin.
215
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:28,212
Are these my new cousins?
216
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,114
Well, technically,
you're their new Uncle.
217
00:07:30,182 --> 00:07:32,550
Hi. I'm your Uncle.
Want to see my toys?
218
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:34,085
Lead the way, Uncle Ben.
219
00:07:34,153 --> 00:07:36,454
- [Gasps] Did he just call him...
- Yep.
220
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:38,156
- Like the...
- Rice guy, yes.
221
00:07:38,223 --> 00:07:40,024
[Sighs] Mom, when did you...
222
00:07:41,592 --> 00:07:44,027
Why did you...
What government let you...
223
00:07:44,094 --> 00:07:46,329
I knew this was gonna be
something of a shock.
224
00:07:46,397 --> 00:07:48,631
That's why I wanted
to tell you in person.
225
00:07:48,699 --> 00:07:50,767
You may not know this,
but I wasn't exactly
226
00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:52,936
a picture-perfect mother
when Debbie was growing up.
227
00:07:53,003 --> 00:07:54,170
Larry: Oops.
228
00:07:54,238 --> 00:07:56,572
Was that an elephant I heard
walking into the room?
229
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:57,941
Well, I'm different now.
230
00:07:58,008 --> 00:08:00,677
When I divorced Bruce,
I gave up smoking,
231
00:08:00,744 --> 00:08:03,546
I started spinning,
I gave up gluten, and...
232
00:08:03,614 --> 00:08:06,149
Voil?�!...
I was reborn.
233
00:08:06,216 --> 00:08:07,850
Mm, yeah. She also told me
she was reborn
234
00:08:07,918 --> 00:08:09,558
the morning after
she met Charles Barkley,
235
00:08:09,586 --> 00:08:10,553
and by "met" I mean...
236
00:08:10,621 --> 00:08:12,255
- Yep, got it.
- Okay.
237
00:08:12,323 --> 00:08:15,191
But I knew that there
was still something missing.
238
00:08:15,259 --> 00:08:18,161
So, I adopted
your Uncle Benjamin.
239
00:08:18,228 --> 00:08:19,462
Oh, my God.
240
00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:22,065
Marty, hallway, now.
241
00:08:22,132 --> 00:08:23,633
Larry: Ugh!
242
00:08:23,701 --> 00:08:26,169
These outfits are so itchy.
243
00:08:26,236 --> 00:08:28,371
This Tommy from Bahama
is a sadist.
244
00:08:28,439 --> 00:08:29,872
Where are you all from,
exactly?
245
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:31,261
- New Jersey. - New Jersey.
- New Jersey.
246
00:08:31,275 --> 00:08:32,575
[High-pitched voice] Nice!
We're learning!
247
00:08:32,643 --> 00:08:35,878
Janet, sweetie,
you're all out of sunscreen.
248
00:08:35,946 --> 00:08:37,313
That is a human child!
249
00:08:37,381 --> 00:08:39,782
She has no right to ruin his life!
Okay, but...
250
00:08:39,850 --> 00:08:41,751
This is the same woman
who spiked the punch
251
00:08:41,819 --> 00:08:44,187
at my sweet 16
to get the shy kids dancing.
252
00:08:45,954 --> 00:08:48,089
- All right, but... - The same woman who
met not one, but two members of journey,
253
00:08:48,157 --> 00:08:50,491
- and by "met," I mean...
- We all know what you mean!
254
00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:52,193
Please stop doing those.
Please.
255
00:08:52,261 --> 00:08:53,928
Look, maybe you're right, okay?
256
00:08:53,996 --> 00:08:56,464
Maybe your mother's still that
wild party girl she always was.
257
00:08:56,532 --> 00:08:57,965
[Scoffs]
258
00:08:58,033 --> 00:08:59,767
But our kids want to know
their grandmother.
259
00:08:59,835 --> 00:09:02,236
All right? So let's just
take a deep breath.
260
00:09:02,304 --> 00:09:04,145
[Inhales deeply] All right?
[Exhales slowly]
261
00:09:04,173 --> 00:09:05,573
We'll go change
into our bathing suits,
262
00:09:05,641 --> 00:09:08,209
and we'll go get to know
your, uh, new, um...
263
00:09:08,277 --> 00:09:09,811
Your new brother.
264
00:09:09,878 --> 00:09:11,746
Fine. I'll go change.
265
00:09:11,814 --> 00:09:13,047
I'm proud of you.
266
00:09:14,316 --> 00:09:15,616
[Sighs]
267
00:09:15,684 --> 00:09:18,019
But I am gonna prove that
my mother hasn't changed.
268
00:09:18,086 --> 00:09:19,687
You just watch.
269
00:09:19,755 --> 00:09:21,522
And now I'm less proud.
270
00:09:21,590 --> 00:09:23,090
[Inhales sharply]
271
00:09:24,358 --> 00:09:26,861
Awesome sand hole, Max!
272
00:09:26,928 --> 00:09:28,395
Thanks, Uncle Ben.
273
00:09:28,463 --> 00:09:30,831
Sweetie, just call him "Ben"!
274
00:09:30,899 --> 00:09:32,633
Max, get my back.
275
00:09:32,701 --> 00:09:34,368
I just got your back, Dick.
276
00:09:34,436 --> 00:09:36,203
I can't keep getting your back.
277
00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:40,407
I feel good, Debbie.
278
00:09:40,475 --> 00:09:41,942
For the first time in my life,
279
00:09:42,010 --> 00:09:43,644
I feel like
I'm doing stuff right.
280
00:09:43,711 --> 00:09:45,245
Yeah.
281
00:09:46,813 --> 00:09:48,147
Speaking of doing things right,
282
00:09:48,214 --> 00:09:50,382
what do you say we blow off
these kids for a while
283
00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:51,750
and hit the beach bar?
284
00:09:51,818 --> 00:09:53,752
[Laughs] Huh? Come
on... you and me.
285
00:09:53,820 --> 00:09:54,653
Tempting.
286
00:09:54,721 --> 00:09:56,188
- Old times?
- Tempting...
287
00:09:56,256 --> 00:09:57,222
But I'm sober now.
288
00:09:58,625 --> 00:10:00,359
Mom, look at our hole!
289
00:10:00,427 --> 00:10:02,261
[Laughing] Oh, that is awesome!
290
00:10:02,329 --> 00:10:03,162
Let me in here.
291
00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:04,363
Hey, butterfly shake.
292
00:10:04,431 --> 00:10:06,332
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
293
00:10:06,399 --> 00:10:07,866
Deborah, get my back.
294
00:10:09,202 --> 00:10:10,102
[Janet giggles]
295
00:10:13,773 --> 00:10:15,007
[Sea gulls squawking]
296
00:10:15,075 --> 00:10:17,109
Whee! You see? I don't
know about this.
297
00:10:17,177 --> 00:10:18,477
It's not bad!
298
00:10:18,545 --> 00:10:20,813
Look, we're just gonna put
your toes in, all right?
299
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,381
I got your hand.
Come on.
300
00:10:23,516 --> 00:10:25,217
We're not gonna swim
or anything, right?
301
00:10:25,285 --> 00:10:26,885
No, we're just gonna feel
the waves on our feet.
302
00:10:26,953 --> 00:10:28,520
Okay, here it comes.
You ready? Right now.
303
00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:30,089
Ah!
304
00:10:30,156 --> 00:10:32,257
[Laughing] It's cold.
305
00:10:32,325 --> 00:10:34,059
This actually isn't so bad.
306
00:10:34,127 --> 00:10:35,627
Right! You see?
307
00:10:35,695 --> 00:10:38,530
The ocean is just a wonder...
Ow! Ohh! Aah!
308
00:10:38,598 --> 00:10:39,698
Broken shell, broken shell.
309
00:10:39,766 --> 00:10:40,699
- Aah!
- No, no, no!
310
00:10:40,767 --> 00:10:42,801
I am not doing this anymore!
311
00:10:42,869 --> 00:10:45,437
Wait! A-Abby? Abby!
[Cellphone beeping]
312
00:10:45,505 --> 00:10:46,772
[Breathing heavily]
313
00:10:49,676 --> 00:10:50,576
Hey.
314
00:10:52,512 --> 00:10:54,513
I'm just looking for a, um...
315
00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:57,683
Cool rock...
To bring to zak.
316
00:10:57,751 --> 00:11:01,220
Oh, well, I'm trying
to find... seashells
317
00:11:01,287 --> 00:11:03,322
to make Jane a necklace.
318
00:11:03,389 --> 00:11:04,990
Good call.
319
00:11:05,058 --> 00:11:06,658
The last person
to wear a seashell necklace
320
00:11:06,726 --> 00:11:08,427
was David Cassidy.
321
00:11:08,495 --> 00:11:10,295
I'm sure she'll love
your timely gift.
322
00:11:11,664 --> 00:11:14,500
And I'm sure zak will love
his fantastic memento...
323
00:11:14,567 --> 00:11:16,135
The cool rock.
324
00:11:21,841 --> 00:11:23,575
[Soft, instrumental music plays]
325
00:11:25,043 --> 00:11:26,610
Oh. Oh, yes.
326
00:11:26,678 --> 00:11:28,612
Husband, this
is exactly what you needed
327
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,748
to learn how to enjoy
the vacation.
328
00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:32,683
Sir, I can't massage you if
you won't let me touch you.
329
00:11:32,751 --> 00:11:35,519
You've been giving oiled-up
rubdowns to randos all morning.
330
00:11:35,587 --> 00:11:38,022
I'd be safer rubbing my body
with raw chicken!
331
00:11:38,089 --> 00:11:40,057
Husband, just let the
woman do her job.
332
00:11:40,125 --> 00:11:41,392
This feels amaz...
333
00:11:41,459 --> 00:11:43,194
Ooh, yes.
334
00:11:43,261 --> 00:11:44,829
Sir, if you could just
let me pull this back.
335
00:11:44,896 --> 00:11:45,729
Get off!
336
00:11:45,797 --> 00:11:47,531
- Just relax.
- Wife!
337
00:11:47,599 --> 00:11:49,033
[Groans] Just relax.
338
00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:50,334
Lady, let...
339
00:11:50,402 --> 00:11:51,402
- Please?
- ...Go of it!
340
00:11:51,469 --> 00:11:53,404
Wife, sheet up!
341
00:11:53,471 --> 00:11:55,039
- What?
Larry: We're leaving!
342
00:11:55,106 --> 00:11:56,674
These women are perverted.
343
00:11:56,741 --> 00:11:59,910
I don't know what your game is,
sister, but I'm not playing!
344
00:12:00,878 --> 00:12:02,378
[Ben giggles]
345
00:12:02,446 --> 00:12:04,080
Careful on the dock, champ.
346
00:12:04,148 --> 00:12:05,181
Thanks, Uncle Ben.
347
00:12:05,249 --> 00:12:06,683
You're gonna be fine, sweetie.
348
00:12:06,751 --> 00:12:08,485
The boat doesn't even
leave the dock.
349
00:12:08,552 --> 00:12:10,153
- Seriously?
- It's a vintage boat.
350
00:12:10,221 --> 00:12:12,522
We enjoy the view
and drink iced tea.
351
00:12:12,590 --> 00:12:14,557
It sounds lovely.
Ugh.
352
00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:17,227
Oh, really.
353
00:12:17,294 --> 00:12:19,496
Every time I think vacation
can't get any more stupid,
354
00:12:19,563 --> 00:12:21,464
more vacation happens
and proves me wrong.
355
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:22,665
That's it, Larry bird.
356
00:12:22,733 --> 00:12:24,167
I'm sick of your attitude...
357
00:12:24,235 --> 00:12:27,070
Airplanes are death traps and
massage parlors are slut houses.
358
00:12:27,138 --> 00:12:29,272
I get that you can't handle being
out of your element for three days,
359
00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:31,408
but some of us
need this weekend.
360
00:12:31,475 --> 00:12:33,109
There's no reception.
361
00:12:33,177 --> 00:12:34,677
Jane's gonna be so worried.
362
00:12:34,745 --> 00:12:37,547
We've been texting each other
every 15 minutes on the 15.
363
00:12:37,615 --> 00:12:40,450
God, it's weird that you guys
wait so long in between texts.
364
00:12:40,518 --> 00:12:42,385
Zak and I text each other
every 10 on the 10.
365
00:12:42,453 --> 00:12:43,987
We're like traffic updates,
but hot.
366
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:47,157
I wonder if there's cell
reception on the upper deck.
367
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:49,125
There's an upper deck?
368
00:12:50,993 --> 00:12:53,861
[Soft jazz music playing]
369
00:12:58,067 --> 00:12:59,400
The bartender's eyeing you.
370
00:12:59,468 --> 00:13:01,788
I'm sure he'd meet you in the
bathroom if you offered to...
371
00:13:01,804 --> 00:13:03,438
All right, enough, Debbie.
Enough.
372
00:13:03,505 --> 00:13:05,373
I know what
you're trying to do.
373
00:13:05,441 --> 00:13:07,675
Why can't you just accept
that I've changed?
374
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:09,344
Because you don't change.
375
00:13:09,411 --> 00:13:11,379
I've been fooled before.
376
00:13:11,447 --> 00:13:12,881
We both know that before long
377
00:13:12,948 --> 00:13:14,182
you're gonna get tired
of Benjamin
378
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:15,750
just like you get tired
of everything else.
379
00:13:15,818 --> 00:13:18,519
Any day now, you are gonna
decide to give him back.
380
00:13:18,587 --> 00:13:20,255
You're gonna give me back?!
381
00:13:20,322 --> 00:13:22,323
Oh, sweetie!
382
00:13:22,391 --> 00:13:24,225
What did she mean,
give me back?
383
00:13:24,293 --> 00:13:25,526
I don't want to go back.
384
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:36,901
What did I tell you about
the first moment I saw you?
385
00:13:36,969 --> 00:13:39,804
That you knew your whole life
had changed forever.
386
00:13:39,872 --> 00:13:41,005
And?
387
00:13:41,073 --> 00:13:43,575
And that you knew
I'd look great in orange.
388
00:13:43,642 --> 00:13:44,809
[Laughs]
389
00:13:44,877 --> 00:13:46,711
You're stuck with me
for life, kid.
390
00:13:46,779 --> 00:13:47,612
You understand?
391
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,047
Yeah.
[Chuckling] Yeah.
392
00:13:49,814 --> 00:13:52,650
Benjamin, sweetheart,
I'm really sorry.
393
00:13:52,717 --> 00:13:54,985
Sometimes adults say things
that they don't mean.
394
00:13:56,755 --> 00:13:58,122
My bad.
395
00:14:01,793 --> 00:14:05,496
[Indistinct conversations]
396
00:14:05,564 --> 00:14:06,697
Hi.
397
00:14:06,765 --> 00:14:08,132
Hey.
398
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,135
Just taking a photo of this tiny
drink umbrella to send to Zak.
399
00:14:11,203 --> 00:14:11,963
[Cellphone beeps]
400
00:14:12,003 --> 00:14:12,970
That's great.
401
00:14:13,038 --> 00:14:14,305
Jane loves umbrellas...
402
00:14:14,372 --> 00:14:17,174
Big umbrellas, drink umbrellas,
403
00:14:17,242 --> 00:14:18,375
Rihanna umbrellas.
404
00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:19,910
'Ellas, 'ellas.
405
00:14:19,978 --> 00:14:21,412
[Cellphone beeps]
406
00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:24,214
What are we doing?
407
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,884
I'm... taking a photo
of this umbrella,
408
00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,719
and you're riffing
on umbrellas?
409
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,655
Maybe... us being friends
would go better
410
00:14:33,723 --> 00:14:35,157
if we were the kinds of friends
411
00:14:35,225 --> 00:14:36,458
that didn't constantly
try and prove
412
00:14:36,526 --> 00:14:37,926
how great our new
relationships are.
413
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,529
Just a hunch.
414
00:14:40,597 --> 00:14:41,697
Oh, thank God.
415
00:14:41,764 --> 00:14:42,664
Deal.
416
00:14:42,732 --> 00:14:44,066
Good.
417
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,770
[Imitating Jerry seinfeld]
So, what's the deal
418
00:14:47,837 --> 00:14:50,472
with the tiny umbrellas?!
419
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,374
Did you just do Seinfeld?
420
00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:53,408
[Normal voice] Yup.
421
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,010
That wasn't totally terrible.
422
00:14:55,077 --> 00:14:57,178
[Imitating Jerry seinfeld] And
what's the deal with the straw?!
423
00:14:57,246 --> 00:14:59,014
That's really good.
424
00:14:59,081 --> 00:15:00,181
Thank you!
425
00:15:09,858 --> 00:15:12,093
Abby, could you please
come look at the ocean with me?
426
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,761
I know it's big
and unpredictable,
427
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:16,697
but it's also splashy,
and it's a lot of fun.
428
00:15:17,933 --> 00:15:19,233
I like splashy.
429
00:15:19,301 --> 00:15:20,601
What else you got?
430
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,236
[Sighs] Well...
431
00:15:24,238 --> 00:15:27,341
What else I got is,
it would break daddy's heart
432
00:15:27,408 --> 00:15:29,476
if I'm the one that kept you
from enjoying the ocean
433
00:15:29,544 --> 00:15:32,479
because it is my job,
as your dad,
434
00:15:32,547 --> 00:15:35,115
to give you good memories,
not scary ones.
435
00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:39,519
And if I wound up the guy
who ruined the ocean for you,
436
00:15:39,587 --> 00:15:41,521
well, I-I don't know
if I could forgive myself.
437
00:15:41,589 --> 00:15:43,657
So, you got
to help me out here.
438
00:15:45,626 --> 00:15:46,960
Cheap trick, dad.
439
00:15:47,028 --> 00:15:49,028
You know my soft spot
for father-daughter schmaltz.
440
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,731
So, does that mean we're good?
441
00:15:51,798 --> 00:15:53,165
[Sighs]
442
00:15:53,233 --> 00:15:54,300
Let's do this.
443
00:15:54,368 --> 00:15:55,234
All right.
444
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:58,070
You get me every time.
445
00:16:01,875 --> 00:16:03,309
Husband.
446
00:16:03,376 --> 00:16:04,877
Look, um...
447
00:16:04,945 --> 00:16:06,579
You're right.
I'm sorry.
448
00:16:06,646 --> 00:16:09,014
Uh, I ruined your time.
449
00:16:09,082 --> 00:16:10,883
I'm terrible at vacation.
450
00:16:10,951 --> 00:16:12,551
Yes, I know.
451
00:16:12,619 --> 00:16:14,620
But I realize
it's not your fault.
452
00:16:14,688 --> 00:16:16,622
- It's not? - No, you're
the supreme leader.
453
00:16:16,690 --> 00:16:18,123
You're used
to being in control.
454
00:16:19,392 --> 00:16:20,726
But I have a plan.
455
00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:24,897
I love a plan.
456
00:16:31,236 --> 00:16:32,637
Hi.
457
00:16:32,705 --> 00:16:34,639
Where's Benjamin?
458
00:16:34,707 --> 00:16:37,809
He's having a farting contest
with his nephew.
459
00:16:37,876 --> 00:16:40,445
I didn't mean to hurt
his feelings. I...
460
00:16:40,512 --> 00:16:42,013
I know. I know.
461
00:16:45,884 --> 00:16:46,818
[Scoffs]
462
00:16:46,885 --> 00:16:48,186
It's not fair.
463
00:16:48,253 --> 00:16:52,523
My whole life, I wanted
the mom that Benjamin has.
464
00:16:52,591 --> 00:16:55,293
I'm sorry.
I was just so young.
465
00:16:55,361 --> 00:16:58,629
I didn't know
what the hell I was doing.
466
00:16:58,697 --> 00:17:01,032
I know it's crazy
to adopt at my age,
467
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:03,000
but, you know,
I-I love him...
468
00:17:03,068 --> 00:17:05,470
Just like I love you.
469
00:17:05,537 --> 00:17:07,071
I'm telling you, Debbie,
470
00:17:07,139 --> 00:17:10,375
I don't know how
you turned out so great.
471
00:17:10,442 --> 00:17:13,010
I have no idea.
472
00:17:13,078 --> 00:17:16,781
I guess I just thought
that it'd be nice
473
00:17:16,849 --> 00:17:18,616
if there was one person
on this planet
474
00:17:18,684 --> 00:17:21,319
that turned out wonderful
because of me,
475
00:17:21,387 --> 00:17:23,888
instead of in spite of me.
476
00:17:23,956 --> 00:17:25,857
[Sighs]
477
00:17:29,128 --> 00:17:31,262
Don't screw it up, mom.
478
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:34,298
I won't.
479
00:17:36,134 --> 00:17:38,969
All right, open your eyes.
480
00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:43,173
We're flying, Jackie!
481
00:17:43,241 --> 00:17:44,575
I'm doing it!
482
00:17:44,642 --> 00:17:46,243
I'm vacationing!
483
00:17:46,311 --> 00:17:48,045
Yes, you are!
484
00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:50,147
I'm doing it.
485
00:17:50,215 --> 00:17:52,482
I'm almost
at the edge of the boat!
486
00:17:52,550 --> 00:17:54,451
I'm not scared of the ocean!
487
00:17:54,519 --> 00:17:55,652
I'm vaca...
Whee!
488
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,055
[Gasps] Husband!
489
00:17:58,122 --> 00:18:00,390
[Shrieks]
490
00:18:00,458 --> 00:18:02,359
I don't know how to swim!
491
00:18:02,427 --> 00:18:03,160
Larry!
492
00:18:03,228 --> 00:18:04,461
Husband!
493
00:18:04,529 --> 00:18:05,689
Jackie, go get a crew member.
494
00:18:05,697 --> 00:18:08,865
Marty!
Zabvronians are like sponges!
495
00:18:08,933 --> 00:18:10,834
We just soak up water!
496
00:18:15,206 --> 00:18:16,640
I got you, Larry!
497
00:18:16,708 --> 00:18:17,808
I got you! Come on!
498
00:18:17,875 --> 00:18:19,610
Get up!
499
00:18:19,677 --> 00:18:21,979
[Shouting in distance]
Okay, ocean...
500
00:18:22,046 --> 00:18:23,580
Prepare to get owned.
501
00:18:23,648 --> 00:18:24,748
Marty:
Get up! Get up!
502
00:18:24,816 --> 00:18:26,617
Dad!
503
00:18:26,684 --> 00:18:28,418
[Both gasping]
504
00:18:29,988 --> 00:18:31,054
Hey!
505
00:18:33,222 --> 00:18:35,757
Ah! Thank you, baby!
You saved us!
506
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,928
Hey. All right,
we're good.
507
00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:40,895
[Chuckles]
508
00:18:40,963 --> 00:18:43,164
Larry, did you just pee?
509
00:18:43,232 --> 00:18:44,299
You didn't?
510
00:18:44,366 --> 00:18:45,266
Oh! Get...
511
00:18:51,406 --> 00:18:53,574
Abby: Daddy and Larry
were screaming.
512
00:18:53,642 --> 00:18:56,076
The deck was slippery
beneath my feet.
513
00:18:56,144 --> 00:19:00,014
I could feel the cold
spray of the sea.
514
00:19:00,081 --> 00:19:02,816
I could sense the waves rising
by the second!
515
00:19:02,884 --> 00:19:07,388
Every part of me said,
"turn back, Abby. Turn back."
516
00:19:07,455 --> 00:19:08,856
[Gasps]
517
00:19:08,923 --> 00:19:13,027
Well, I once went swimming
in the ocean with Tony danza.
518
00:19:13,094 --> 00:19:14,862
And by "swimming," I mean...
519
00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:16,969
- Oh, we know... - We know what you mean.
- We know.
520
00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:21,367
Husband, your vacation
is almost over.
521
00:19:21,435 --> 00:19:23,303
But I love it now.
522
00:19:23,770 --> 00:19:26,272
Peeing on Marty was
a real game-changer for me.
523
00:19:26,340 --> 00:19:28,341
I think when I let go
of my bladder,
524
00:19:28,408 --> 00:19:30,643
I also let go of my need
to be in control.
525
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:36,415
I'd like to put a three-bedroom
house on boardwalk.
526
00:19:36,483 --> 00:19:38,784
You don't have to say
how many bedrooms.
527
00:19:38,852 --> 00:19:41,253
Amber, don't tell the thimble
how to rule his kingdom.
528
00:19:41,321 --> 00:19:44,023
Well, the thimble is going
to have to go without...
529
00:19:44,091 --> 00:19:46,659
Marvin's garden,
because I am buying.
530
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,128
It's not "Marvin's garden."
It's "Marvin gardens."
531
00:19:49,196 --> 00:19:51,230
Why do you always say
"Marvin's garden"?
532
00:19:51,298 --> 00:19:52,431
- Is it?
- Yes.
533
00:19:52,499 --> 00:19:54,266
[Imitating Jerry Seinfeld]
You always say that!
534
00:19:54,334 --> 00:19:55,868
Oh, you're so weird.
535
00:19:55,936 --> 00:19:56,902
Thank you.
536
00:19:56,970 --> 00:19:58,370
[Cellphones vibrating, beeping]
537
00:19:58,438 --> 00:20:00,072
But it's not.
It's one Marvin garden.
538
00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:02,942
Say it.
I'm gonna call it...
539
00:20:05,144 --> 00:20:08,380
For what it's worth,
I think my mom...
540
00:20:08,447 --> 00:20:10,182
Our mom...
541
00:20:11,149 --> 00:20:12,683
Is gonna be
a really good mom to you.
542
00:20:12,751 --> 00:20:14,151
Thanks.
543
00:20:14,219 --> 00:20:15,686
Listen, I got a few tips
for you.
544
00:20:15,754 --> 00:20:19,023
If your mom makes brownies,
do not eat them. Got it.
545
00:20:19,091 --> 00:20:23,127
It is not okay for your mom to
sleep until 2:00. Makes sense.
546
00:20:23,195 --> 00:20:25,529
If a man named Carlos
comes to your house,
547
00:20:25,597 --> 00:20:26,497
do not let him in.
548
00:20:26,565 --> 00:20:27,465
Who's Carlos?
549
00:20:27,532 --> 00:20:29,633
He might be my dad.
550
00:20:29,701 --> 00:20:30,701
[Door opens]
551
00:20:30,769 --> 00:20:32,169
I don't know what happened,
552
00:20:32,237 --> 00:20:34,872
but I'm a golden God.
553
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:52,516
Hi.
554
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:54,952
Oh. Hi.
555
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:57,387
Anyone see you?
556
00:20:57,455 --> 00:20:58,722
I don't think so.
557
00:20:59,891 --> 00:21:01,558
Are you ready to do this?
558
00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:03,593
So ready.
We're so bad.
559
00:21:03,661 --> 00:21:05,328
[Chuckles]
560
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,401
[Squeals]
561
00:21:11,469 --> 00:21:13,136
[Both exhale sharply]
562
00:21:13,204 --> 00:21:14,971
[Cellphone beeps]
563
00:21:15,039 --> 00:21:16,206
We did it.
564
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:19,009
We've been in the bathroom
for an entire mile.
565
00:21:19,076 --> 00:21:20,143
Mile-high club.
566
00:21:20,211 --> 00:21:21,678
[Both squeal]
567
00:21:21,746 --> 00:21:22,646
[Sighs]
568
00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:27,217
Want to go again?
569
00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:29,886
Larry bird!
570
00:21:29,954 --> 00:21:31,888
You're so naughty.
571
00:21:31,956 --> 00:21:33,390
[Cellphone beeping]
572
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,591
[Sighs]
573
00:21:34,616 --> 00:21:37,516
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
574
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,086
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
575
00:21:41,136 --> 00:21:45,686
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40364
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
