All language subtitles for The Neighbors s02e18 Heaven.eng

Aah. Blueberry.

- Thanks.
- Yep.

[Sighs]

- Kids down?
- Mm-hmm.

- Kimmel?
- Uh-huh.

[Beep] [Laughter]

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Work good?
- Uh-huh.

Bathroom.

[Sighs]

- Kids down?
- Mm-hmm.

- Sex?
- Nah.

- Kimmel?
- Uh-huh.

[Beep] [Laughter]

[Sighs]

Night.

Wait.

Have we not said
a single full sentence

to each other this whole week?

No.

Marty, we're in a rut.

Yeah.

Checkers?

sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com

Marty, we're in a marital rut.

I read about this in Glamour.

And Vogue.

And Elle. And Cosmo.

Wow, they really are
all the same magazine.

I feel it, too.
We're coasting, babe.

When was the last time
we even had...

Two Thursdays ago, in between

the "Scandal" clip show
and "Scandal."

Yeah.

I was going to say,
"when was the last time

we even had
a real conversation?"

Oh.

Remember when
we were first married

we'd drop in a UB40 cd
and dig into

a raspberry Danish twist
and a box of white zin?

We'd talk all night.

You could talk about
nothing for hours.

You were like
adorable white noise.

I know!
[Chuckles]

Maybe we need a date night.

I think we do
to shake things up.

Okay, I'm gonna
take care of it tomorrow.

Well, you know what, Marty?

- Maybe I should help with...
- No, I'm the man.

You're gonna let me
be the man, okay?

I will take care of everything.

- My man.
- That's right. I'm your man.

Mm. Mmm.

Oh, not now, Marty.
I haven't shaved my legs.

Oh, okay.
[Grunts]

And...
[Beep]

We have a reservation
for date night.

- I'm so excited.
- Ooh! Hey!

I know it's last minute,
but can you babysit tonight?

I can't.
I have to study.

Doesn't that mean
you'll be here?

Study out in public.

I focus best when I'm
surrounded by distractions.

You guys wouldn't understand
because, well, you're old.

You gave up booze nine
months for that one.

- Not entirely. That could
be the problem. - Yeah.

I'll call Pearl.

Ooh. Who's Pearl?
She sounds young and hip.

- She's our babysitter.
- Oh! Where are we going?

Nowhere because we
are not going anywhere.

I'm taking Debbie
out to the city

to a very special place,
and it's a big surprise.

You're really not gonna tell me
where we're going?

[Gasps] He's locked
his lips with a key.

And he's throwing it
down the sink.

- This is like theater. No!
- He's destroying the key!

[Grinding] Now we'll never understand
why they need this hot date.

Oh. Well, we've just been in a
little bit of a rut lately...

Oh, he can still speak.
Thank God.

Hey, Marty, you don't just
tell people we're in a rut.

Mm, Marty, TMI.
Embarrassing.

What's a rut? Act it out
with your hands. Oh!

Well, a rut is when
you're so used to each other

that you stop making
an effort to connect.

You guys have that, right?

Nope. Never knew it was a thing.

Sounds depressing.
Let's bounce.

Bird-Kersees out.

Why did you guys
even come over here?!

Just to make us feel bad?

Perfect pose, Dick.
Think royalty.

- Candy bar?
- Ah.

I've been doing
research all day.

And apparently, the Weaver's
"marital rut" is a thing.

Oh.
Yes.

I've been reading Elle,
Cosmo, and Vogue...

They're basically all the same
magazine... not cat fancy.

That's really trying something.

And they all agree
that "rut" is cited

as one of the top reasons
for getting a divorce,

along with hair plugs, sports
cars, and Facebook. Mm-hmm.

But luckily, we don't have
to worry about not connecting.

Am I right? Fist bump.

Uh-huh. Aah!

Look at what you made me do.

Our little prince
is not that rosy.

You agreed to a fist bump.

You can't stop
a fist bump mid-bump.

And enough with the paintings

of Dick Butkus
through the centuries.

No one wants that
on their coffee table,

well, I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to get
dick's eyes to sparkle

like they do in real life.

- JJK?
- Yes?

Did you hear a single word I just said.
Of course I did!

I heard "rut" and "rut"
and something about Facebook.

Oh, no.
It's happening to us.

- Hmm?
- We're in a rut.

[Gasps]

Oh, we must have caught it
from the Weavers.

Well, what do we do
to get out of it?

I haven't the first clue. I
read about getting into a rut.

I don't know how to bust a rut.
[Sighs]

Oh, no.

We bounced out of the Weavers'
house too quickly.

Bird-Kersees back in.

I look like Marcia Cross.

- Marty.
- Hey, Larry, does this shirt say,

"we've been married
for 20 years,

but we've still got it"?

No, it says
you haven't been shopping

for 20 years
and you never had it.

Anyway,
just making conversation.

Did you see "The Voice"
last night?

Can anyone pull off
a 5:00 shadow like Adam Levine?

Do you believe he's Jewish?

Also, how do you get out
of a marital rut?

Hi, Debbie Weaver.

Hey, Jackie.

So, I feel like we didn't get

to finish our
conversation before.

You're in a miserable marriage,

and you're making
a last-ditch effort to save it.

Dish.

Uh, okay.

Not a last-ditch effort,
not miserable.

Marty's just surprising me
with dinner in the city.

It'll be a quiet evening
where we can really...

Go crazy, you know?

I mean, you get so into your
boring day-to-day routine

that sometimes, you need
something exciting to...

Help you to slow down,

check in with the person
you fell in love with.

It's just gonna be
me and Marty, and...

Three DJs...
A real hot crowd!

We're going to this
trendy new restaurant

with fancy lighting
and hip music

because tonight should be...

Simple, intimate, quiet,

a place where
we can really talk.

They have a mechanical
shrimp you can ride.

So long, rut.

Thank you, Marty.

This has been...
completely useless.

As useless as teats on a bull.

I don't know why
we barge in there anymore.

To make them feel bad, right?

The Weavers think
they can fix a marriage

with a meal in the city,

but you can't eat your way
out of a rut.

You have to fight the rut.

So, we're taking it up a notch,

which is why I went
to the real expert here.

Abby Weaver?

Yes, but she was on a call,

so now I don't know
who to speak to.

Let's just ask Google.

Jane knows everything.

I thought it was "go-ogle"
until right now.

Search "how to spice up
a marriage."

"How to spice..."

Ooh! "How to spice up
a chicken."

Click on that. Ooh, Rosemary.
I would have guessed thyme.

Google "Rosemary."

Should I click on "Rosemary
Clooney" or "Rosemary's baby"?

Ooh, I love babies.

Ooh, babies and puppies!
Do babies and puppies.

- Aww! - Aww!
- Aww! - Aww!

Wait, what were we doing?
[Groans] We did it again.

We got distracted by
the "did you mean" function.

Let me go back to "how
to spice up your marriage."

Oh.

The first thing that
comes up is "role play."

"Dress up
as a super-hot alter ego

and meet your partner
out on the town."

What's super hot? Oh,
Dick, avert your ears.

We are possibly
talking about sex.

- We're not sure.
- Nerds.

Dick, mommy and daddy
are having date night,

so you're staying home
with your brother.

No, no, no. Jane and I are
having our own date night.

It's soul-mating season!

Oh, all right.

Dick, then you'll go
to the Weavers.

They've hired a babysitter,
so you'll be in good hands.

Are you freaking kidding me?!

I'm not going to be left
with some hormonal teenager

who is just waiting
for us to go to bed

so her boyfriend
can grope her on the sofa.

Well, that's what's happening,
so get on board.

Fine, but I'm not
making small talk

with the boyfriend
while she "freshens up."

I hate this planet.

Kids, I want you to be good

and do whatever
pearl asks you to do.

Me, dick butkus,
needing a babysitter.

[Door closes] Of all the
insulting, demoralizing...

Debbie:
Oh, hello, Pearl.

Hey, Mrs. Weaver.

Hey, Max, Abby, what's up?

Ooh, and you are?

In love.

Ooh! Sinus infection.

Is it hot in here,
or is it just you?

Doesn't feel hot to me,

but, uh, I have nerve damage
down my entire left side, so...

Hurry along now, Weavers. Wouldn't
want to miss your reservation.

Okay, kids, have a good night.

I'm gonna have an intimate
date night with my guy.

Aw-oogah.

[Loud dance music plays]

Welcome to Lou Ferrigno's
Hibachi Heaven!

It's dinner-tainment!

[Applause]

Right? This is exactly
what we needed...

Something new and different
to rekindle our flame, baby.

Ooh!
[Crowd gasping]

Oh, okay.
You went with literal flames.

Interesting choice.

Sit back, strap in

for a sizzling seafood
taste-splosion!

[Chuckles] [Applause]

All right. Now, who's ready
to get... it... prawn?

[Laughs] "Prawn" is
another name for shrimp.

I got it, Marty.

I also got it when he asked me
if I'd come here

"just for the Halibut."

"Just for the hell of it"?
Yeah.

- You see? He's doing that? Yeah.
- Okay, you know what?

We are going to try
and salvage the evening.

I know this is dorky, but...

All aboard the onion train!

Choo-choo!
[Train whistle blows]

What?

We're gonna
salvage this evening!

I saw this on an episode
of "The view."

Sherri Shepherd wanted to
connect with her husband,

and she used these things
called "convo cards."

Is sherri the one who thinks
the world is flat? What?

I said, "is Sherri the one
who thinks the world is flat?"

[Music fades]
The other black one!

The lovely lady
that's not Whoopi.

Sherri and her husband
used these

to, uh, find new things
to talk about.

Honey,
that sounds kind of lame.

Well, Marty, I just watched
a man make a pac-man

out of fried rice
to Katy Perry's "Roar,"

so work with me here.

Okay. Okay.

[Crunch!]

Here's what's up.

See that goddess...
The one that smells like magic?

She and I are meant to be.

Wait.
You like pearl?

Just look at her crunching down
that pack of dry ramen.

Didn't even add hot water.
Didn't have to.

She is quite something.

So, what do you say you guys
put yourselves to bed

and let the grown-ups
be grown-ups?

[Yawns] Time to turn in, Max.

It's 10:00 P.M.
somewhere.

Oh, hey, dick.

- 'Sup?
- Oh, not much.

Just sanitizing the old bod.
[Chuckles]

Too many people stop at
the hands, but you know what?

Bacteria can live anywhere.

You are very wise.

Here.
You want to try some?

Yanked it from my
gynecologist's office.

[Piano music playing]

[Indistinct conversations]

You're probably wondering
about my fly lady threads.

Well, my wife and I
seem to be in a rut,

so we decided to meet here
and role-play

dressed as the sexiest people
we could think of.

I dressed as her.

Fingers crossed she'll
come as Adam Levine.

Jackie: [Deep voice]
Hello, there.

[Gasps]
[Normal voice] You're...

[As Jackie] I'm the sexiest
person I could think of.

I'm Jackie Joyner-Kersee...
Mind of a genius,

heart of an angel,
legs that go on for days.

And you are...?
Oh.

[As Larry] Also the sexiest
person I could think of...

Larry Bird, supreme leader. Oh!

Perhaps you've heard of me.
If not, you're an idiot.

Oh!

[Normal voice] This has the
possibility of being very confusing.

But right now,
I am so turned on.

[Squeals] [Chuckles]

So, Pearl, what's your story?

What do you do when
you're not babysitting?

Oh, well, uh [Clears throat]
recently,

I moved in with my cousin
after her big accident,

so I guess you could say
I'm always babysitting.

[Chuckles] Listen, Pearl...

Yeah? ...You dig me, I dig you.

Let's go steady.

Whoa [Chuckles] wait.
Dick, okay.

- You're very cute...
- Preach.

But you are 10.

Age is just a number.

Look at Demi and Ashton,
Mariah and Nick,

Madonna and, well, everybody.

All good examples, but, dick,
we sitters have a code, okay?

We watch your kids,
we eat your food,

and when you return,
you pay us and we leave.

Not so much a code
as just the job description.

Yes, but it's a job
description I live by.

So, Dick, I am sorry,
but you and I will never be.

[Sobs]

Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark.

Ouch.

[Piano music plays]

[As Larry] I love your skort.

[As Jackie] Thank you.
I only ever wear skorts.

No one wears a skort
quite like you wear a skort.

[Normal voice] Okay, so,
basically, that just turned into

you complimenting yourself,
I think.

Well, let's...
Let's do me, okay?

[Normal voice]
Yes, yes, sorry. Uh...

[As Larry] I'm Larry Bird.

Some would say my smile
is my best feature.

[As Jackie] Oh, go on.

Why would I smile
when everyone's an idiot?

[Normal voice] Okay, so, um,
just a heads up, but you've gone

to the "Larry thinks
everyone's an idiot,"

well, twice now.

[Normal voice]
Oh... yeah. I'm sorry.

No, it's just that we've been
married an incredibly long time,

so let's just try and find
other details about me

besides the fact that I think
everyone's an idiot.

- Of course, of course.
- Mm-hmm.

[As Larry] I'm Larry Bird.

I have the best hair.

No, no, no, no.
Let's not do hair.

We always do hair.

I mean, I have great hair.
We get it.

Let's work a little harder.

[Normal voice] Larry Bird,
you're ruining this.

I'm ruining this?
What about this?

[As Jackie]
I'm Jackie Joyner-Kersee.

My best friend
is "Debbieweaaaver."

That's how I say it...
"Debbieweaaaver."

Everybody else
says "Debbie Weaver,"

like it's a four-syllable name,
but I say "Debbieweaaaver."

It drives my husband crazy,
but he would never say anything

because I can't take
constructive criticism.

[Gasps]

[As Larry] I'm Larry Bird,

and when I'm not
at my first job,

bumbling the coffee orders
of overprivileged teenagers,

I'm busy with my second...
Being better than everyone else.

[Normal voice] Well, sometimes,
people make my other job really easy,

especially
when they act like...

Idiots!
...Ldiots!

Why didn't you just come
dressed as Adam Levine?

[Sighs]

[Loud dance music plays]
[Indistinct conversations]

[Whistles]

Oh, Marty, if you could
have one superpower,

would you rather it be
invisibility or flight?

Hey. The shrimp is in his hat.
[Chuckles]

- Don't tell the others.
- Marty.

Oh, I'm sorry. Okay.

Um, I guess that, uh, I
would wish for more wishes.

What? Who said
anything about wishes?

We're talking about superpowers.
Are you even listening to me?

Yes! Of course I am!

I would pick heat vision.

Well, heat vision
wasn't an option, Marty.

Oh. Crap. I'm sorry.
I get distracted.

You know how I am around
dinner-tainment, baby.

I'm sorry.

Well, I'm glad you found
a restaurant that's

so dinner-taining that your date
is completely irrelevant.

Irrelevant?
What are you talking about?

The whole point of tonight was
to do something different.

You said we needed
to shake things up.

I said I miss
when we used to talk,

not when we used to eat
rum-soaked fish

and dodge fireballs.

I know. That's why...

Oh! Oh, thank goodness.
You're still here, debbiewe...

Debbie.

- Jackie?
- I need a ride home.

I had to get away
from Larry Bird.

What are you doing here,
husband?

I followed you
when you stormed out.

I'm not getting back on
that bus, not with these legs.

What is going on, and
what is with these outfits?

Move over, Weavers.
There's a new rut in town.

[Train whistle blows]
Whoo! Whoo!

- Weavers, what are we to do?
- We're in a rut.

You guys are not in a rut.
You're in drag.

We're in a rut.

I thought it wasn't dignified

to talk about our rut
in front of people.

I just spent
the last two hours on a date

in Lou Fferrigno's
Hibachi Heaven.

My clothes smell like soy sauce
and the waiter's body spray.

I no longer remember dignity.

Okay, back to us.

You two got us all freaked out.

And a couple of lady mags
and Google searches later,

and I'm in Manhattan
in my wife's skort

and she thinks
I'm a bumbling fool.

I only said that
because you made fun

of the way
I say "Debbieweaaaver."

Why do you say it like that?
I often wonder about that.

No one asked you!

You see? Look what
the Weavers have done to us.

We find each other
endlessly fascinating.

Why are we fighting?

That's true.

Maybe those dreadful magazines
don't apply to us.

Except for cat fancy.

It has such good ideas,
and do you remember

when I made you
that scratching post?

[Purrs] Mm.

Oh, you're right!

We're not broken
like the weavers.

We have long conversations
into the night,

we chose each other

as the sexiest people
to dress up as,

and we both loathe
dinner-tainment.

Okay, so maybe you two would
like to take this outside.

Come on, boo.
Let's go home.

We can leave the marital rut

to all the other idiots
around here.

I don't get it.
Why did you even come here?

They do show up
just to make us feel bad.

Man: Taste-splosion!
- Oh! I got to take a bath!

[Cheers and applause] Come on.
Keep the jacket.

Just keep your feet in the air.
I'm sure it'll drain on its own.

Okay?
Love you too, dad.

It's the pretty ones
who hit the hardest.

We're sorry, Dick.

[Sighs] We should have
tried to talk you out of it.

It's all right.
No one could have stopped me.

I was a runaway train.

But you shouldn't be
too sad about pearl.

One day, you'll find somebody
who is perfect for you.

And not 42.

You gonna be okay?

It's gonna take some time
to get the sweet sound

of pearl crunching down
that dry ramen out of my head,

but I will be.

Max, Abby, kids?
Kids, where did you go?

Abby? My life is just
one big accident!

Max?

[Sighs] You're right, honey.

Hibachi Heaven...
Stupid idea.

Oh, no, Marty.
I should have just gone with it.

The teriyaki tuna tower of power
was surprisingly... warm.

We've got three kids
that get up early.

You've got a job
that gets you home late.

We've been retelling each other
the same stories for 20 years.

I think talking for hours
is a thing of the past.

But I'd rather say
three words a day to you

than a thousand to anyone else.

Me, too, babe.

But tonight, I hope
that you'll make an exception.

Oh!

A raspberry Danish twist!

A box of white zin!

[UB40's "the way you do
the things you do" plays]

Ub40! You did
want to talk to me!

Of course I did,

right after I plied you
with Lou ferrigno and fish.

Come on. I figured I would have
a little dinner-tainment first

and then I'd have a little
Debbie-tainment after.

This is the perfect night.

My man.

I'm speechless.
Well, I hope not

because that's one
big-ass box of wine.

Ooh!

did you see Larry bird's
legs in that skort?

oh, my God. What is the deal?
Is he naturally hairless?

I think he had them waxed!

I mean, alien or no alien,
man's legs look like that.

what about mine?

Hi, bored college freshman.

Did you order a large pizza
with extra sausage?

I sure did.
Is it extra hot?

It's so hot.

[Chuckles]

Wow, it barely fits in my box.

I know.
It's really big.

Oh, no.
I don't have any cash.

How ever
will I pay you for this?

What about debit?

[Chuckles] That's perfect.

[Chuckles]

[Both giggle] That was fun!

That was the best one yet.

Let's do one
where it's cash only.

Oh! Okay.
Okay. Okay, okay.

I love role-playing!
[Laughs]

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