Original subtitles

Okay, guys, here are your pancakes.

[Groans] Marty: What's with the long faces?

You know, some of my best memories

are of my mom making me pancakes in the morning.

Were they gluten-free flaxseed pancakes, too?

It's not really the greatest thing

when a pancake's best attribute is that it helps you go.

[Laughs]

Okay, Larry, Moe, and Curly, eat your breakfast.

[Raspy voice] Hello, Clarice.

Abby, do that again. That could totally go viral.

Come here. [Chuckles]

Okay, you know what? Be careful with all that facebooking.

One dumb mistake could follow you for the rest of your life.

- Thank God there wasn't a Facebook when we were kids. - Ohh.

I'm sure there's an embarrassing selfie

of you on the wall of a cave somewhere. [Both laugh]

Breakfast is a lot meaner than it used to be.

Mm. Guys, F.Y.I., I'm doing the school volcano thing

in my room today.

I'm pretty psyched.

Okay, just try not to do the "burning down the house" thing today.

Mm-hmm. Speaking of burning, do you hear that sound

of that sweet, sweet cheddar burning a hole in my piggy bank?

[Coins rattling] Looks like somebody's getting herself

another horsey doll.

Hmm. You know what, Abby?

You already have a horsey doll.

Maybe you should use that money for something you need,

- like rain boots. - Yes, yes.

Do you even hear yourselves anymore?

- Just tragic. Amber: The worst.

- Let's get out of here. Debbie: What?

What the hell is happening?

I-I don't get it.

- It's like living in north Korea. - Hello, Weavers.

Good morning

Ask him about the envelope. It'll save us a lot of time.

- So... - Too late.

How are you doing this fine morning?

[Inhales deeply] A little balmy, isn't it?

Think I'll just fan myself a bit

with this important envelope that I have here in my hand.

[Sighs]

So, what do you got there, Larry?

What? Oh, this?

Uh, just an invitation to a wedding.

No big deal. Whatever.

My husband's co-worker from the coffee shop

has invited him to his traditional Indian wedding.

Yay! Oh, what am I going to wear?

I need something that's gonna make me really stand out.

You know, makes me the center of attention?

I'm going to wear a beautiful white gown.

Debbie: Oh, whoa, guys.

[Chuckling] Sorry, slow down.

Jackie, you can't wear a white gown to someone else's wedding.

Marty: I mean, if you guys want to go to a wedding,

you should probably sit down with us

for a couple hours first, and then you could learn

all of the different things you would need to know...

- What not to do. - And learn the tradition...

Oh, great... here come the "holier than thou" Weavers,

telling us all about what we aren't capable

of doing on our own.

How many more times are we gonna have to do this?

Don't you remember what happened last year when you said

we couldn't go to that Broadway musical on our own?

Yeah, you tried putting on your own Broadway musical,

Dick Butkus fell in the well,

and you almost ended up being exposed as aliens.

Yes, Marty, but this isn't season one anymore.

Come, wife.

Let's go work on our memorable surprise toast.

We'll open with Jay's previous girlfriends,

then we'll discuss his brother's closeted homosexuality,

and then I'll close with how much he hates his in-laws.

Don't forget to mention religion and politics.

Got it.

You know, you add six gin and tonics

and a racist remark about the busboy,

that's your mother's toast at our wedding.

- Yes. - Right?

Thought it sounded familiar.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

We came from outer space and settled in New Jersey

we took names like Larry Bird and Jackie Joyner-Kersee

then the humans moved next door

started testing all our limits

so sit right down, enjoy the show

we'll be done in 30 minutes

sync and corrections by bellows www.addic7ed.com

Family, the naysayers next door think we aren't capable

of attending this traditional Indian wedding

without making a spectacle of ourselves.

What do you say?!

Are we ready to show them what we're made of?

- Yes! - Yes! - Never works out for us.

Wife, where are we with the gifts? Hmm?

Oh, I found something online called the gift registry.

- Evidently, they've already chosen their gifts. - Nonsense!

If Jay and the future Mrs. Jay know what's good for them,

they'll let Larry Bird decide what's good for them.

Dick, wow me with wardrobe.

It's a sari. [Sorry]

There's no need to apologize.

Oh, boy.

Reggie Jackson, talk to me.

I checked out every movie at the local library

with the words "Indian wedding" in them.

Larry: Brilliant!

We'll watch them all and learn everything.

We'll show these Weavers

we don't need their help.

We're a sophisticated species.

Damn it. This stupid remote.

[Static] How do you get the DVD?

I think you turn the cable box off. TV's back on. Back off.

Is this even the right remote?

Dick, have you been playing with these things again?

- No. - Dick?

- What's a-u-x? - Dick, keep out of it!

Got to aim it directly.

Yes. I know.

[Birds chirping]

Hmm.

Haven't seen a Bird or a Kersee all day.

- Feels weird. - It's so quiet.

Could we actually be getting an alien-free weekend?

Oh, don't say it out loud.

You'll jinx it. [Laughs]

What should we do with all our free time?

Oh, come on. What shouldn't we do?

Let's have a picnic.

A picnic... I love that idea!

Yeah, we always wanted to have a picnic

ever since your mom got us that picnic basket

for our wedding gift.

I remember... we were gonna have that romantic picnic

that one time. Whatever happened with that?

[Clicks tongue] Uh...

Oh, yeah, that was the day I found out

I was pregnant with Amber.

Right, right. And then our lives ended.

Mm.

[Birds chirping] You want to have a picnic?

Yeah!

Okay. Come on.

[Mid-tempo Indian music plays]

[Singing in native language]

So many songs.

So many horses.

So many mustaches. What is this?

It's called Bollywood, dick,

and it is the most gorgeous thing these eyes have ever seen.

The spectacle, the color, the misogyny.

These Indians... They really get it.

They even have an expression for it.

It's "balle balle."

Full disclosure... I may have nodded off

after four hours of watching people dance around on trains.

- What's a "balli balli"? - No, it's balle balle.

It's their life philosophy.

It's like "hakuna matata" but for Indians.

It means "go big or go home."

Unlike the Weavers,

who survive by saying, "no, no, no," to everything,

these Indian musicals are all about "yes, yes, yes!"

And "more, more, more!"

Balle balle! Say it with me!

Dick, you're my fourth favorite. You give it a go.

Fourth? But there's only three of us.

Oh, you're forgetting about our someday baby, Elaine.

It goes Reggie, Jackie, Elaine, then you.

I hate you, Elaine.

Balle balle.

[Sighing] Oh.

Hypothetical Elaine would do it better.

She'd sing it like they do in the musicals.

[Mid-tempo Indian music plays]

Balle balle

balle balle

whoo, that does feel good.

Hey, Max. Can we talk to you for a second?

Oh, no, is it grandma or grandpa?

Will I have to miss school for the funeral?

[Gasps] Oh, honey, nobody died.

We just wanted to see if you wanted to

go on a picnic with us. What do you say?

Nah. I'm good.

So, let me get this straight.

Funeral here, picnic with us here.

Um...

Stop me anytime, Max.

Yeah, there. Okay.

[Mid-tempo Indian music plays]

Balle balle

balle balle

Now we're cooking with curry! Try it again.

Balle balle

these bollywood musicals have it all figured out.

Life isn't about "no, no, no" and "less, less, less."

Balle balle

it's about "more, more, more" and "yes, yes, yes"!

Balle balle, balle balle

balle balle

balle balle

Go big...

Whoo!

Or go home

ooh!

This is big, guys.

Mm-hmm. This is really big.

[Giggles] Mm-hmm.

Hey, sweetie.

Go away. I'm shooting an ironic vine.

Well, we were just wondering if you'd be interested

in going on a picnic with us.

Oh, my God, that was perfect.

Can you say that again?

[Mid-tempo Indian music plays]

Balle balle

balle balle

what's that strange and exotic word you keep saying?

We're not saying it. We're singing it.

And it's "balle balle," Mary Lou retton.

It means "go big or go home."

Both: balle balle

Okay, in the bollywood movies, when everyone dances,

they turn the light bulb, then pet the dog.

Ah.

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog.

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog.

Everybody try.

All: Turn the light bulb, pet the dog.

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog.

Wonderful! Now let's try it with even more people.

People. [Laughter]

[Knock on door]

Abby, put on your sneakers. We're going for a picnic.

A picnic? That sounds boring.

I promised horsey we would have a tea party.

You don't want to make a liar out of me, do you?

[Sighs]

[Mid-tempo Indian music plays]

Balle balle [Choir vocalizing]

To bursting into song in the middle of the street!

Balle balle

to making funny faces and hiding behind trees!

Balle balle

to being caught up in complicated love triangles!

Balle balle

to beautiful costumes and golden bangles!

Balle balle, balle balle

balle balle

balle balle

go big

or go home

[sighs]

My fellow zabvronians,

I have been invited to a traditional Indian wedding.

[All gasp]

And I have decided on the perfect wedding gift.

[Gasps] Is it a cuisinart?

Apparently, they're a very popular wedding gift.

Larry: Popular?!

Do you know who's popular?

Oprah is popular.

George Clooney is popular.

Do we want to be like Oprah Winfrey or George Clooney?

Man: Sure. Yeah.

That wouldn't suck. I'd like that.

Did we learn nothing from "balle balle"?

We must go big or, as we all agreed, go home.

So we will be their gift

in the form of an elaborate Bollywood musical number.

[All gasp]

But first, I must fill in this rsvp.

Chicken or fish?

All: Fish! - Really?

Larry Bird plus 50. [Mid-tempo Indian music plays]

Since you all will be joining us at a traditional Indian wedding,

are there any questions?

What's a wedding?

[Indian accent] What's an Indian?

Okay, that'll do it for the questions.

Community, our Bollywood musical number

is gonna be the best gift there.

Let's hear some ideas for the production.

I'll say no to none of them.

How about a puppy dog dressed as a penguin?

How about a sword swallower dressed as a penguin?

How about a fire-eater?

Dressed as a penguin.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

You get a yes, you get a yes, and you get a yes.

Nothing says "Bollywood" like penguins.

Husband, are you sure? Oh, yes.

Did you know there's not even a word for "no" in Indian?

[All gasp] Is that true?

Yes. All right, keep it coming, people.

Balle balle.

Oh, please, a gorilla.

Can I have Justin bieber?

You certainly can.

Woman: Oh!

An alien-and kid-free weekend.

That's gonna be fun.

- Exactly. - All right.

What do kids know about having fun?

That's right.

Can you pass me the low-sodium rice cakes?

You know what? Screw it.

Pass me the full-sodium rice cakes.

Baby, you're getting so crazy right now.

Full-so rice cakes coming right up.

Come on. Who has more fun than us, right?

Larry: When I say "we're more," you say "fun."

We're more... All: Fun!

We're more... Fun!

You can't write this stuff.

[Laughter]

Is that the kids?

Burn, dollies! [Laughs]

I can't believe it actually worked.

Hey. What's going on?

Oh, don't worry. It's perfectly safe.

I've surrounded the volcano

with mom's leftover gluten-free pancakes.

Turns out, they can't be digested by stomachs or lava.

[Laughter]

Since when does Amber let you in her room?

After you invited us to the picnic,

we all thought it was super-weird,

so we came here to talk about it.

Then Abby dropped Sassy Samantha on my volcano.

We're gonna have a million hits by lunch.

Wow. This is a lot of fun. You guys need a hand?

We promise we'll be fun.

Whoo! [Chuckles]

Really, you're gonna make us say it out loud?

[Sighs]

Mom, dad, I love you.

You're two of the best, especially around the holidays,

but you're just no fun.

What do you mean?

No, it's a good thing. You're parents.

And if you were fun, we'd be dead.

All right, so, just give it to us straight.

You're... not... fun.

All right.

All right. Think we got it.

[Grunts]

Perfect... Once you put the wings on.

Mmm. Like it.

Save room for dinner.

[Woman giggles] I say! Oh, yes.

Edgy but evocative. Beautiful!

Can you help a brother out?

You wanted a gorilla, you feed the gorilla.

[Gorilla grunting]

All right, ready, people?

And blow me away, dick.

Five, six, seven, eight.

[Discordant music plays]

Balle balle

balle balle

Husband, I'm beginning to worry.

It seems that some of our "say yes to everything" choices

are beginnin to clash,

and I'm starting to think that maybe we overdid it

with the penguins.

Do you think that maybe too much "balle balle" is a bad thing?

No. Well... well, I mean, it can't, can it?

Man: Bad gorilla! [Glass shatters]

Woman: Namaste!

[Gorilla roars]

I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to think

that we could benefit from a little bit of that Weaver "no."

Whoa, some spread, huh?

Mm-mm-mmm, celery.

[Discordant music continues]

balle balle

I think I just saw an alien on a unicycle, swinging a sword.

Oh, yeah. I saw that, too.

I bet their kids don't reject them.

Those guys know how to have fun.

Yeah. Yeah, they do.

[Indistinct shouting in distance]

They do.

Hey, could you, um, pass me a rice-ahoy, please?

Oh, yeah.

Now, these are good.

My God, Marty.

How did this happen?

Look at this picnic!

Rice cakes and tuna fish?!

Yeah, this isn't a picnic. It's rations.

Excuse me.

Did someone order a medieval executioner

for some kind of parade?

Yeah, baby!

[Discordant music plays]

The wedding's in an hour,

and our performance is worse than Dick's was

in that Skechers commercial he got.

When did that happen?

That sounds like a really good episode.

[Animal chitters] Oh, husband, I hate to say it,

but I think it's time for our naysaying neighbors

to say a little "nay."

Say that five times fast.

I could. Go on, then, hot shot.

It's time for our naysaying neighbors to say a little "nay."

It's time for our naysaying neighbors to... no, no.

See, we're getting distracted. This is why we need them.

We should go over there.

No! Can't admit our failure.

Those Weavers are reveling in their alien-free time

'round about now.

We're the last thing on their minds.

Oh, my God, they're looking over at us.

Quick, act like we're having fun. Okay? Fake laugh on three.

Ready? One, two... [Both laughing]

Oh, you're funny! [Laughing]

You're so funny! [Sighing] Oh.

- Oh! Larry: You see?

They're having a fake-laugh contest.

- We need them. - No!

Husband, the gorilla has shown great restraint.

But any second now, he's going to have to use the bathroom.

It's time.

Fine.

[Both laugh]

Oh, my God, oh, my God, they're coming over here.

We're laughing, we're laughing, and...

[Both laughing]

[Sighing] Oh, hey.

Hi, guys. [Laughs]

Marty was just telling me the funniest personal anecdote.

Come on. You are hilarious. [Laughs]

Oh, what have you guys been doing?

[Sighs] Oh. Oh, you know.

[Grunting] [Clears throat]

Dearest, is there something

that perhaps you want to share with Marty and Debbie Weaver?

We can hear you two when you have sex.

No, no, the other thing.

Oh, yeah.

Um, I was just so excited to get invited to something,

I didn't want my parade to get rained on.

But now it seems that my lifelong passion,

which I discovered today,

for Indian culture may have got the best of me.

[Sighs] We need you to shut us down.

Flip the "off" switch.

Put the whole magnificent array

through your trademarked fun-removal machine.

[Gasps] We don't want to shut you down.

Yeah, listen, guys.

We had a really boring day without you today.

Our kids don't think we're fun.

- We want to be fun. - Like you.

But our job is to be fun.

It's your job to stop us from being too much fun.

If you guys were fun, we'd be dead.

Hmm. Been hearing a lot of that lately.

And while there may be something to that,

today we are not saying no.

That's right.

Ooh, are you sure?

[Bagpipes play]

'Cause today of all days seems like a pretty good day

to rain on our parade.

Because we're literally about to start a parade.

- That's great. - Lead the way!

As much as we try to fight it,

you two are kind of the music in our lives.

Oh. [Mid-tempo Indian music plays]

And you are the beige in ours.

Not today.

No.

- Today we're the rainbow. - That's right.

[Sighs] Okay. Let's do this.

Let's go!

Okay!

[Rhythmic clapping]

To the wedding we go, my friends

it's time to leave our neighborhood

my Indian from work will go berserk

for our gift of Bollywood

husband, you showed us the way

when everything nearly went wrong

what did you think? His registry stinks

plus, you can't re-gift a song

Balle balle

we're gonna own this wedding!

Balle balle

I wonder which groomsman I'm getting.

Balle balle

does this horse make my butt look big?

Balle balle

uh, who's signing for the monkeys in the back of my rig?

Balle balle

are we really doing this thing?

Balle balle

just put on your man-dress and sing.

Balle balle, balle balle

balle balle

balle balle

go big

or go home!

Is that mom and dad on a horse?

I want to to that picnic.

This is the most fun we've had

since we dropped out of the sky

now I'm just wishing I'd ordered the chicken

'cause sometimes the fish can be dry

balle balle

what if the horse poops in the church?

Balle balle

or what if the groom leaves the bride in the lurch?

Balle balle

what more could a bride and groom need?

Balle balle

oh, yep, look. The horse just peed.

Balle balle, balle balle

balle balle

balle balle

go big

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog!

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog!

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog!

Turn the light bulb? Pet the dog!

[Vocalizing]

Balle balle

uh, I think I got carried away with my henna tattoos.

Balle balle

balle balle this is crazy.

Both: Our parents are actually fun!

Balle balle

wow, we impressed them! We totally won!

Balle balle

we just hope the chicken's well-done

go big

you said no

you said yes

without you, we're a mess

Little people! Henna tattoos!

Fire-eaters!

Mad gorillas! Thick mustaches!

Magic backgrounds! Love triangles!

Boring neighbors... Make life better!

Go big

[soft native-American music plays]

Wrong Indians. Wrong Indians!

Go home.

Go home, quick. Go home. Back! Go back!

Go back!

Mazel tov! [Mid-tempo Indian music plays]

Balle balle

balle balle

woman: You suck!

Sorry. My bad.

Man: It's gonna be on the bangles.

Okay, so, we're coming in on a "balle,"

and then the bangles and then we go.

[Beep] Play back!

My Indian from work will go berserk

for our gift of bollywood

[laughter]

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog!

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog!

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog!

I'm sorry. What the hell are we doing?

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog!

Turn the light bulb, pet the dog!

[Music stops] Turn the light bulb, pet the dog!

[Cheering]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0