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1
00:00:13,705 --> 00:00:15,706
Oh, there she is.
First day of business school.
2
00:00:08,932 --> 00:00:11,435
I watched "Pretty little liars"
to see what college kids wear.
3
00:00:11,503 --> 00:00:13,637
How do I look...
Pretty, little?
4
00:00:13,705 --> 00:00:15,706
- [Sighs] Liar-y?
- Yep, all those things.
5
00:00:15,774 --> 00:00:17,741
I don't look like a mom
who's trying too hard, do I?
6
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,276
No, no,
y-you don't, no.
7
00:00:19,344 --> 00:00:20,878
And the scarf...
Is it too much?
8
00:00:20,946 --> 00:00:22,213
It's pink,
9
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,121
and I-it's got skulls and
crossbones and stuff.
10
00:00:24,549 --> 00:00:25,716
It's great. I love it.
11
00:00:25,883 --> 00:00:26,917
Good, so I look the part.
12
00:00:26,918 --> 00:00:27,585
Yes.
13
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,053
Now I just have to get through
my first class today,
14
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:32,256
which is something called
"intermediate media marketing."
15
00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:35,659
God, I haven't been to school
in 20 years.
16
00:00:35,727 --> 00:00:39,763
Skipping the entry-level course,
was that a bad idea?
17
00:00:40,731 --> 00:00:42,299
No!
No, it wasn't.
18
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:44,000
You're gonna do great.
And listen, I...
19
00:00:44,568 --> 00:00:46,035
Look, I don't want you
worrying about
20
00:00:46,203 --> 00:00:47,443
things around here
either, okay?
21
00:00:47,504 --> 00:00:48,744
Because I took a day
off of work
22
00:00:48,973 --> 00:00:51,607
so that I could help transition
the household, so good.
23
00:00:51,675 --> 00:00:55,445
Oh, and on a day with
the "Die hard" marathon on TNT.
24
00:00:55,512 --> 00:00:56,512
Ooh!
25
00:00:56,580 --> 00:00:58,381
Huh, "Die hard."
That sounds fun.
26
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:00,250
What's that about...
A guy who's hard to kill?
27
00:01:00,317 --> 00:01:02,252
Mm-hmm.
28
00:01:02,253 --> 00:01:03,253
Good morning.
29
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,256
Amber, sweetie,
how are you feeling?
30
00:01:07,123 --> 00:01:10,659
Sick. Ah-choo.
I can't go to school today.
31
00:01:10,727 --> 00:01:12,361
I'm so sorry
that I'm starting school
32
00:01:12,429 --> 00:01:14,363
while you're going through
your first breakup.
33
00:01:14,431 --> 00:01:15,631
Do you want to
talk about Reggie?
34
00:01:15,699 --> 00:01:17,366
No, I'm fine.
35
00:01:17,434 --> 00:01:19,768
Did you hear that?!
[Sighs]
36
00:01:20,736 --> 00:01:22,437
Apparently, not the way you did.
What's going on?
37
00:01:22,505 --> 00:01:24,038
Marty, if you are
gonna stay home
38
00:01:24,106 --> 00:01:25,440
to transition the household,
39
00:01:25,508 --> 00:01:27,308
then you need to help Amber
through this.
40
00:01:27,376 --> 00:01:29,411
She hasn't cried
since the breakup with Reggie.
41
00:01:29,478 --> 00:01:31,479
You need to fix that.
42
00:01:31,547 --> 00:01:33,181
Y-y-you want me
to make Amber cry?
43
00:01:33,249 --> 00:01:34,282
- Yes!
- Wow.
44
00:01:34,350 --> 00:01:35,950
Watch a romantic comedy
with her,
45
00:01:36,018 --> 00:01:37,319
eat some ice cream.
46
00:01:37,386 --> 00:01:39,354
If you love our daughter, Marty,
you will make her cry.
47
00:01:39,422 --> 00:01:41,189
Okay, sure.
You got it.
48
00:01:41,257 --> 00:01:42,624
- And, Marty?
- Yes.
49
00:01:42,692 --> 00:01:45,126
"Die hard"
is not a romantic comedy.
50
00:01:45,194 --> 00:01:47,262
Oh, but she takes his name back
in the end!
51
00:01:47,330 --> 00:01:49,831
She's Holly McLane again!
It's beautiful!
52
00:01:49,899 --> 00:01:50,865
[Door closes]
53
00:01:51,533 --> 00:01:52,934
?
54
00:01:53,001 --> 00:01:56,938
We came from outer space
and settled in New Jersey
55
00:01:57,005 --> 00:02:00,608
we took names like Larry Bird
and Jackie Joyner-Kersee
56
00:02:00,676 --> 00:02:02,944
then the humans
moved next door
57
00:02:03,011 --> 00:02:05,112
started testing
all our limits
58
00:02:05,180 --> 00:02:07,114
so sit right down,
enjoy the show
59
00:02:07,182 --> 00:02:10,651
we'll be done in 30 minutes
60
00:02:11,119 --> 00:02:14,189
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:15,157 --> 00:02:17,258
[foam gurgling]
62
00:02:17,325 --> 00:02:20,528
Husband, you've been working on
that latte for over an hour.
63
00:02:20,595 --> 00:02:22,029
You almost done over there?
64
00:02:22,097 --> 00:02:23,664
I'm working on the coffee shop
65
00:02:23,732 --> 00:02:26,267
the New Jersey department
of health calls a "b-plus."
66
00:02:26,334 --> 00:02:28,102
I must really
be on top of my game.
67
00:02:28,170 --> 00:02:29,870
Well, it doesn't
have to be perfect.
68
00:02:29,938 --> 00:02:31,505
Did Michelangelo say that
69
00:02:31,573 --> 00:02:33,541
when he painted
the Sistine Chapel
70
00:02:33,608 --> 00:02:35,242
or became
a mutant ninja turtle?!
71
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:37,711
Jackie, quick, this scarf...
Does it make me look...
72
00:02:37,779 --> 00:02:39,140
Like a mother
trying too hard, yes.
73
00:02:39,181 --> 00:02:41,782
Oh, bummer. Thank you.
74
00:02:41,850 --> 00:02:44,118
Why can't Marty
answer questions honestly?
75
00:02:44,186 --> 00:02:47,388
Maybe because human
relationships are pointless.
76
00:02:47,456 --> 00:02:49,423
I wonder what Amber's doing
right now.
77
00:02:49,491 --> 00:02:51,759
She's probably not flossing.
78
00:02:51,827 --> 00:02:54,528
[Voice breaking]
She loves to skip flossing!
79
00:02:54,596 --> 00:02:56,230
He's been like this for a week.
80
00:02:56,298 --> 00:02:57,798
[Sighs] Walk it off, son.
81
00:02:57,866 --> 00:02:59,767
Rub some dirt on it
and move on!
82
00:02:59,835 --> 00:03:01,936
Come here, Reg.
Give me a hug.
83
00:03:02,003 --> 00:03:04,438
Oh, even your hair is sad!
84
00:03:04,506 --> 00:03:05,940
[Sniffles]
85
00:03:06,007 --> 00:03:07,007
[Sniffs]
86
00:03:07,075 --> 00:03:09,276
Oh, God. I can smell
Amber's DNA on you.
87
00:03:09,344 --> 00:03:10,478
[Sniffing]
88
00:03:10,545 --> 00:03:12,046
Oh, okay.
You know what, Reggie?
89
00:03:12,114 --> 00:03:14,048
Never mind, never mind.
Rub some dirt on it.
90
00:03:14,116 --> 00:03:15,216
[Crying]
91
00:03:15,283 --> 00:03:17,118
See?
He's a real hot mess.
92
00:03:17,185 --> 00:03:19,453
Hey, can you
keep the yammering down?!
93
00:03:19,521 --> 00:03:20,621
Some of us
are actually trying to
94
00:03:20,689 --> 00:03:22,123
make something of our lives!
95
00:03:22,190 --> 00:03:23,357
What has gotten into you?
96
00:03:23,425 --> 00:03:24,558
Are you going to say
something to our son?
97
00:03:24,626 --> 00:03:26,660
Yes.
Dick, get out of the way.
98
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:29,563
Behold!
My foam art.
99
00:03:29,631 --> 00:03:31,132
[Sniffing]
100
00:03:31,199 --> 00:03:32,133
Oh, a circle?
101
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,801
- Lizard.
- No!
102
00:03:33,869 --> 00:03:35,136
It's a heart!
103
00:03:35,203 --> 00:03:37,304
[Inhales deeply]
Oh, who am I kidding?
104
00:03:37,372 --> 00:03:40,407
I don't deserve to be called
"junior barista in training."
105
00:03:40,475 --> 00:03:42,576
Excuse me, Dick.
I'm gonna join my son.
106
00:03:42,644 --> 00:03:44,945
Reggie-kins, save a spot
on the couch for papa.
107
00:03:45,013 --> 00:03:47,181
[Dramatic music playing]
108
00:03:47,249 --> 00:03:50,751
Look, the man and the
woman are rock climbing.
109
00:03:50,819 --> 00:03:52,787
They do everything together!
110
00:03:52,854 --> 00:03:56,157
We must purchase this
allergy medication immediately!
111
00:03:56,224 --> 00:03:57,992
Oh, I'm all alone here, Debbie.
112
00:03:58,060 --> 00:04:00,428
It's just me,
a petulant young boy,
113
00:04:00,495 --> 00:04:02,797
and two overly
emotional grown men.
114
00:04:02,864 --> 00:04:04,732
Debbie: Yeah.
What's up with them today?
115
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,468
As you know,
Zabvronian men carry our babies.
116
00:04:07,536 --> 00:04:09,703
Yeah, go on...
Not a lot of detail.
117
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,939
Well, uh, once a year,
they have their...
118
00:04:12,007 --> 00:04:13,007
Cycle.
119
00:04:13,075 --> 00:04:15,042
And sometimes
when men live together,
120
00:04:15,110 --> 00:04:17,578
their cycles sync up
and happen at the same time.
121
00:04:17,646 --> 00:04:20,014
I'm six weeks early!
Thanks a lot, Reggie!
122
00:04:20,082 --> 00:04:22,316
- Ah, ow!
- Sorry.
123
00:04:22,317 --> 00:04:25,585
Wait, so you're saying
that Reggie and Larry
124
00:04:25,653 --> 00:04:27,020
- are having their...
- Mm.
125
00:04:27,087 --> 00:04:29,922
Oh, well, that's it for me.
You guys have a great day.
126
00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:30,950
Was she calling me fat?!
127
00:04:30,991 --> 00:04:31,924
[Sighing] No.
128
00:04:31,992 --> 00:04:33,113
If you're fat, then I'm fat!
129
00:04:33,127 --> 00:04:35,794
[Sighing] Oh, I hate being
the only woman in this house.
130
00:04:37,197 --> 00:04:40,199
Clint: Now, in order to
aggregate social networks,
131
00:04:40,267 --> 00:04:43,469
many aggregation services
will provide widgets,
132
00:04:43,537 --> 00:04:45,238
which allow you
to search across
133
00:04:45,306 --> 00:04:48,107
- multiple social-networking platforms...
- Hi. I'm Debbie Weaver.
134
00:04:48,174 --> 00:04:51,076
- And also access any...
- What the hell's a widget? [Laughs]
135
00:04:51,144 --> 00:04:54,013
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Hi.
136
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:57,417
If you do have any questions, uh,
please direct them towards me.
137
00:04:57,484 --> 00:04:59,452
Even beautiful girls
have to follow the rules.
138
00:05:01,422 --> 00:05:03,756
Okay. So...
139
00:05:03,824 --> 00:05:05,825
Did our Professor
just hit on me?
140
00:05:05,893 --> 00:05:07,293
Oh, my God!
141
00:05:07,361 --> 00:05:08,461
We'll talk later.
142
00:05:10,064 --> 00:05:13,166
You're fun.
143
00:05:13,233 --> 00:05:14,567
[Birds chirping]
144
00:05:14,635 --> 00:05:18,771
[Sighs] ? close your eyes ?
145
00:05:20,239 --> 00:05:21,840
give me your hand, darling
- Stupid human bodies.
146
00:05:21,907 --> 00:05:24,242
[Door closes]
If I get any more bloated...
147
00:05:24,310 --> 00:05:25,643
Do you feel my heart beating
- ...Something, something, Rush Llimbaugh.
148
00:05:25,711 --> 00:05:27,912
I can't even
complete my own joke.
149
00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:29,281
Do you understand
- Well, Dick just told me
150
00:05:29,348 --> 00:05:30,448
to take a chill pill.
151
00:05:30,449 --> 00:05:31,616
Do you feel the same
- Oh, not so bad.
152
00:05:31,683 --> 00:05:33,751
He told me to take it rectally!
153
00:05:33,819 --> 00:05:34,953
Or am I only dreaming
- His behavior's completely
154
00:05:35,021 --> 00:05:36,654
out of control.
We have to do something.
155
00:05:36,722 --> 00:05:38,055
I think he's hit
his terrible 10s.
156
00:05:38,123 --> 00:05:39,390
Is this burning
- Is that a thing
157
00:05:39,458 --> 00:05:41,959
Oh, can't you see I'm listening
to my favorite cry song?
158
00:05:42,027 --> 00:05:45,396
An eternal flame
- Oh, why does feeling bad feel so good
159
00:05:45,864 --> 00:05:47,464
Husband, if I have to listen
to this song one more time,
160
00:05:47,532 --> 00:05:48,932
I'm going to give you something
to cry about! [Music stops]
161
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,834
Now help me deal with
our little Dick problem.
162
00:05:50,902 --> 00:05:52,770
Wife, you're overreacting.
Dick's fine.
163
00:05:52,837 --> 00:05:54,938
- Bite me!
- See? Classic Dick.
164
00:05:55,673 --> 00:05:57,174
[Sighs] I'm going to take
165
00:05:57,242 --> 00:05:59,109
my darling older son
to the coffee shop.
166
00:05:59,177 --> 00:06:00,778
He's going through
a real crisis.
167
00:06:00,845 --> 00:06:02,605
No, Reggie Jackson has
school today, husband.
168
00:06:02,647 --> 00:06:04,581
Oh, so you're saying
I'm a bad parent?!
169
00:06:04,649 --> 00:06:05,983
You always do this, Jackie!
170
00:06:06,051 --> 00:06:08,252
Husband, do you think maybe
you're overreacting a little bit
171
00:06:08,319 --> 00:06:10,020
- because you're having your...
- Say it!
172
00:06:10,088 --> 00:06:12,289
Say it and see what happens!
173
00:06:12,357 --> 00:06:14,892
I j... I just... I'm allowed
to have feelings, too.
174
00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:16,493
Don't just try and blame it
on my gentleman time.
175
00:06:16,561 --> 00:06:17,528
God!
176
00:06:24,168 --> 00:06:25,235
Hey.
177
00:06:25,503 --> 00:06:26,569
Hey.
178
00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:29,139
So, you, uh...
179
00:06:29,206 --> 00:06:30,640
You need to talk about anything?
180
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:33,142
No, I'm fine.
181
00:06:33,210 --> 00:06:35,445
Wait, wait, wait.
182
00:06:35,512 --> 00:06:38,348
Uh...
183
00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:40,582
I have to watch...
184
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,152
"Love actually"...
for work.
185
00:06:43,219 --> 00:06:45,921
Do you want to, uh,
maybe watch it with me, maybe?
186
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,357
You have to watch
"Love actually"...
187
00:06:48,424 --> 00:06:49,458
For work?
188
00:06:49,526 --> 00:06:51,426
Sensitivity training.
189
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,529
I'm gonna pass.
190
00:06:53,596 --> 00:06:55,831
You have any interest
in "Die hard"?
191
00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:57,966
We... we could... we could
take a bite of ice cream
192
00:06:58,034 --> 00:06:59,868
for every dead terrorist!
193
00:06:59,936 --> 00:07:03,172
It's gonna get pretty
tasty 20 minutes in!
194
00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:07,775
I hate my hair today.
195
00:07:07,843 --> 00:07:09,410
Your hair looks amazing.
196
00:07:09,478 --> 00:07:12,013
No, it doesn't.
Yours does.
197
00:07:12,081 --> 00:07:15,250
No, it doesn't!
It used to.
198
00:07:15,317 --> 00:07:16,718
It broke when my heart did.
199
00:07:16,785 --> 00:07:20,288
Oh.
My little tickle-me-emo.
200
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:21,923
You must get over this breakup.
201
00:07:21,991 --> 00:07:23,791
I can't bear you
feeling like this.
202
00:07:23,859 --> 00:07:26,561
Uh, hey, Lar, we really need
you back behind the counter.
203
00:07:26,629 --> 00:07:28,029
Really, Carl?
204
00:07:28,097 --> 00:07:29,577
Are we really going
to make this about
205
00:07:29,598 --> 00:07:31,766
what the coffee shop
needs right now?
206
00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:32,800
Carl?!
Carl!
207
00:07:32,868 --> 00:07:34,969
Go. Go.
208
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:37,872
[Sighs]
209
00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:40,875
Reggie Jackson, I am going
to fix your heartache
210
00:07:40,943 --> 00:07:42,143
if it's the last thing I do,
211
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,078
but [Sighs] ohh. Ooh.
In a few minutes.
212
00:07:44,146 --> 00:07:46,147
I'm cramping something fierce.
213
00:07:50,317 --> 00:07:51,952
Hey. Hey, can I
borrow your notes?
214
00:07:52,019 --> 00:07:53,620
Can I borrow your notes?
215
00:07:53,688 --> 00:07:54,588
[Indistinct conversations]
216
00:07:54,655 --> 00:07:55,689
Excuse me.
217
00:07:55,757 --> 00:07:58,558
Chatty Cathy.
218
00:07:58,626 --> 00:08:00,127
How can I help you?
219
00:08:00,194 --> 00:08:02,396
I was wondering,
what is a widget?
220
00:08:02,463 --> 00:08:04,731
Oh, well, why don't you come by
221
00:08:04,799 --> 00:08:06,333
during my office hours later?
222
00:08:06,401 --> 00:08:07,968
I promise,
by the end of tonight,
223
00:08:08,036 --> 00:08:09,936
you'll know not only
what a widget is...
224
00:08:10,004 --> 00:08:12,172
But how to use it.
225
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,173
[Chuckles]
226
00:08:13,241 --> 00:08:14,675
That would be great.
Mm-hmm.
227
00:08:14,742 --> 00:08:15,942
Thank you, Professor Vance.
228
00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:18,945
- It's a date.
- Great.
229
00:08:19,013 --> 00:08:20,614
[Sighs]
230
00:08:20,682 --> 00:08:24,051
Oh, I should have kept
you two under the scarf.
231
00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:36,402
There's my schoolgirl.
232
00:08:36,470 --> 00:08:37,103
You're home early.
233
00:08:37,171 --> 00:08:40,440
Listen, I tried to talk to
Amber, and, uh, she just...
234
00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:43,809
Wait, why... why are you wearing
your depression outfit?
235
00:08:44,410 --> 00:08:45,744
Oh, I got it all wrong, Marty.
236
00:08:45,812 --> 00:08:47,145
College girls don't dress cute.
237
00:08:47,213 --> 00:08:48,580
They dress like depressed moms.
238
00:08:48,648 --> 00:08:51,316
And my first class
was really tough,
239
00:08:51,384 --> 00:08:53,185
so now I'm gonna have to
have private tutoring
240
00:08:53,219 --> 00:08:54,319
from my professor,
241
00:08:54,387 --> 00:08:56,221
who I'm pretty sure
was hitting on me.
242
00:08:56,889 --> 00:08:58,356
And by "pretty sure,"
I mean definitely,
243
00:08:58,424 --> 00:08:59,892
so now I got to
nip that in the bud
244
00:08:59,959 --> 00:09:01,660
and look as unattractive
as possible.
245
00:09:01,927 --> 00:09:05,296
Well, well, well, looks like
someone's hot for student.
246
00:09:05,364 --> 00:09:07,365
Yeah, I still got it,
but I got to turn it off.
247
00:09:07,433 --> 00:09:08,433
Will this do it?
248
00:09:08,501 --> 00:09:10,168
What is my most
unattractive outfit?
249
00:09:12,638 --> 00:09:15,040
[Sniffs] Marty?
250
00:09:15,107 --> 00:09:16,508
You look great in everything.
251
00:09:16,575 --> 00:09:18,410
Nothing could make you
look unattractive.
252
00:09:18,477 --> 00:09:20,712
Oh, Marty, come on.
I give you full license.
253
00:09:23,048 --> 00:09:24,582
Stop playing around.
I'm serious.
254
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:25,750
Yeah, so am I.
255
00:09:26,318 --> 00:09:27,251
I don't... I don't want to
play this game.
256
00:09:27,319 --> 00:09:28,219
It isn't a game.
257
00:09:28,287 --> 00:09:29,554
I want to do well in my class,
258
00:09:29,621 --> 00:09:31,462
and I don't want my
professor to flirt with me.
259
00:09:31,756 --> 00:09:34,858
Your professor will be into you
no matter what you do.
260
00:09:34,926 --> 00:09:36,026
You are so pretty.
261
00:09:36,394 --> 00:09:37,460
Oh, Marty, come on.
262
00:09:37,528 --> 00:09:38,928
This has got to stop.
I'm your wife.
263
00:09:38,930 --> 00:09:40,831
When I ask you a question,
I want an opinion.
264
00:09:40,898 --> 00:09:43,567
What's my most
unattractive outfit?
265
00:09:43,634 --> 00:09:44,701
Marty?
266
00:09:44,769 --> 00:09:45,969
- Mnh-mnh. No.
- Marty.
267
00:09:46,037 --> 00:09:47,477
- No, I'm not doing it, Deb.
- Marty.
268
00:09:47,605 --> 00:09:48,972
Don't make me do it!
I don't want to do it!
269
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,306
- No, Marty...
- I don't want to...
270
00:09:50,374 --> 00:09:51,975
Your Capri pants!
271
00:09:52,043 --> 00:09:54,010
You don't like my Capris?
272
00:09:54,078 --> 00:09:56,078
- See, now you're mad at me, right?
- I am not mad.
273
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,180
This is why I didn't
want to say anything,
274
00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:58,682
- 'cause now you're mad at me.
- I am not mad.
275
00:09:58,749 --> 00:10:00,116
No Capris... got it.
What else?
276
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:03,319
For real?
You're totally okay with this?
277
00:10:03,387 --> 00:10:04,954
I am.
278
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:08,925
Okay, great. So, great.
I would have to say then...
279
00:10:08,993 --> 00:10:11,061
Um, I didn't totally love it
280
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:14,497
when you experimented
with being blond.
281
00:10:14,564 --> 00:10:15,998
Oof! What was that?
282
00:10:17,601 --> 00:10:18,501
Oh, boy.
283
00:10:18,568 --> 00:10:21,604
That was not an experiment.
284
00:10:21,672 --> 00:10:24,874
I was blond for six years!
285
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,375
No, no, I don't...
That's not what I...
286
00:10:26,443 --> 00:10:27,843
I'm not... okay,
what happened to full li...
287
00:10:27,911 --> 00:10:29,071
You said full license, right?
288
00:10:29,412 --> 00:10:30,879
To comment on an outfit,
289
00:10:30,947 --> 00:10:33,081
not my hair color
nine years ago!
290
00:10:33,149 --> 00:10:36,385
I-I was blond
between Amber and Max.
291
00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:37,686
Oh, my God!
292
00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:39,855
Is that why it took us
six years to have Max?!
293
00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:41,089
No, not at all!
294
00:10:41,157 --> 00:10:42,324
Look, I don't even know
what you're worried about.
295
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,959
This professor's probably
not even hitting on you.
296
00:10:44,027 --> 00:10:45,093
Ohh.
297
00:10:45,161 --> 00:10:46,628
[Gasps]
298
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,864
Was that such a good thing
to say to me right now?
299
00:10:48,931 --> 00:10:49,931
No.
300
00:10:49,999 --> 00:10:51,433
Yes? No?
I don't know. I don't know!
301
00:10:51,501 --> 00:10:52,567
Just tell me what you
want me to say, Deb.
302
00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:53,769
I'll say it. Go ahead.
303
00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:55,270
Okay, well, that is
the problem, Marty,
304
00:10:55,338 --> 00:10:56,905
because you say what you
think I want to hear
305
00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:59,341
instead of what you really
feel until it's too late!
306
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,410
Too late for what?!
[Door slams]
307
00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:04,179
Damn, I'm like Charlie Brown
with the football.
308
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,147
[Sighs]
309
00:11:06,649 --> 00:11:08,050
[Clatter] [Gasps]
310
00:11:08,717 --> 00:11:10,485
Dick, what have you done?!
311
00:11:10,553 --> 00:11:13,154
I'm not the one who left
the garage door closed!
312
00:11:13,222 --> 00:11:15,156
Take some responsibility,
Jackie!
313
00:11:15,224 --> 00:11:17,592
Children are a blessing.
Children are a blessing.
314
00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:18,660
Children are a blessing.
315
00:11:18,727 --> 00:11:20,194
Marty: Come on, Deb.
316
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:22,530
Come on! Wait!
317
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,232
Amber, how do I look?
318
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:25,300
Terrible.
319
00:11:25,367 --> 00:11:26,634
Thank you!
320
00:11:26,702 --> 00:11:28,870
[Animals calling]
321
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,939
[Sighs]
322
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:35,610
You okay?
323
00:11:38,179 --> 00:11:40,781
You want to watch
"Love actually"?
324
00:11:41,549 --> 00:11:43,116
You know, for work.
325
00:11:43,184 --> 00:11:45,485
I would like that very much.
326
00:11:48,923 --> 00:11:50,857
All right, son.
327
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,027
Voil?�!
328
00:11:54,095 --> 00:11:57,797
You got me defunct technology?
329
00:11:57,865 --> 00:11:59,099
No, I made you a mix tape.
330
00:11:59,766 --> 00:12:01,500
Sometimes you just need
a good breakup song
331
00:12:01,568 --> 00:12:02,969
to stew in your emotions
332
00:12:03,036 --> 00:12:04,403
until you disgust yourself
and move on.
333
00:12:04,471 --> 00:12:07,473
This contains Taylor Swift's
breakup songs to Joe Jonas,
334
00:12:07,541 --> 00:12:09,909
Taylor Lautner,
Jake Gyllenhaal, John Mayer,
335
00:12:09,977 --> 00:12:13,446
and, my personal favorite,
frog voice Eddie Redmayne.
336
00:12:13,513 --> 00:12:15,281
Father! What?! He
ruined "Les Mis"!
337
00:12:15,349 --> 00:12:16,849
Excessive close-ups
ruined "Les Mis,"
338
00:12:16,917 --> 00:12:18,084
but that's not the point.
339
00:12:18,151 --> 00:12:20,152
I don't care about
Taylor Swift's heartbreaks.
340
00:12:20,220 --> 00:12:22,021
She isn't feeling
the hurt I'm feeling.
341
00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:24,023
No one has ever felt
the hurt that I'm feeling!
342
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:25,091
Oh, I don't know.
343
00:12:25,158 --> 00:12:26,859
She was pretty messed
up after Mayer.
344
00:12:26,927 --> 00:12:27,994
That's it.
345
00:12:28,061 --> 00:12:29,495
I should write my own
breakup song.
346
00:12:29,563 --> 00:12:31,497
I need to express
my totally unique
347
00:12:31,565 --> 00:12:32,999
and once-in-a-lifetime pain.
348
00:12:33,066 --> 00:12:34,800
And perform it for the masses!
349
00:12:34,868 --> 00:12:36,602
Wait, what?
350
00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:38,437
Carl, we'll need the stage
cleared.
351
00:12:38,505 --> 00:12:39,939
We don't have a stage.
352
00:12:40,007 --> 00:12:42,041
Then build it, Carl!
353
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:44,510
Ugh, Carl is the worst.
The worst.
354
00:12:44,578 --> 00:12:45,545
Carl!
355
00:12:53,961 --> 00:12:55,295
[Sighs]
356
00:12:55,363 --> 00:12:57,597
[Clattering]
357
00:12:57,665 --> 00:12:59,232
Way to go, genius.
358
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:02,201
Dick, I cannot take
this behavior anymore.
359
00:13:02,269 --> 00:13:03,636
It's time for you
to go back to being
360
00:13:03,704 --> 00:13:05,872
that delightful,
rambunctious, fanciful Dick
361
00:13:05,939 --> 00:13:07,173
we all know and love.
362
00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:10,243
Oh, save it for Reggie.
He's everyone's favorite.
363
00:13:10,310 --> 00:13:11,878
- What?
- Goodbye forever.
364
00:13:11,945 --> 00:13:13,246
I'm running away.
365
00:13:16,416 --> 00:13:18,284
[Grunting]
366
00:13:18,352 --> 00:13:20,286
Um... Dick?
367
00:13:20,354 --> 00:13:21,687
[Grunting]
368
00:13:22,455 --> 00:13:24,456
What are you doing?
Are you swimming?
369
00:13:24,524 --> 00:13:25,424
[Grunts]
370
00:13:25,492 --> 00:13:26,525
I don't think...
[Clang]
371
00:13:26,593 --> 00:13:27,860
Well, it's a good try, anyway.
372
00:13:32,699 --> 00:13:34,199
[Sighs] I'll be in my room.
373
00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:36,969
[Sighing] Oh, boy.
374
00:13:38,036 --> 00:13:39,076
[Romantic music playing]
375
00:13:39,137 --> 00:13:40,404
These movies make me crazy.
376
00:13:40,472 --> 00:13:42,640
If these people would just
tell each other how they feel,
377
00:13:42,708 --> 00:13:43,975
then everything would be okay.
378
00:13:44,042 --> 00:13:45,209
I know, right?
379
00:13:45,277 --> 00:13:46,510
If "Walking dead" guy
would have just told
380
00:13:46,578 --> 00:13:48,279
"Pirates of the Caribbean" girl
that he loved her
381
00:13:48,347 --> 00:13:49,680
before she went
and married that dude
382
00:13:49,748 --> 00:13:51,215
from "12 Years a slave,"
383
00:13:51,283 --> 00:13:54,719
maybe he wouldn't be all alone,
wondering, "what if?"
384
00:13:54,786 --> 00:13:55,987
Jerk.
385
00:13:56,054 --> 00:13:58,094
Then again, the movie
would be over in five minutes.
386
00:13:58,157 --> 00:14:00,825
Right, then they don't get to
storm into some crowded room
387
00:14:00,893 --> 00:14:02,560
and profess their love
for each other
388
00:14:02,628 --> 00:14:04,762
in front of complete strangers
389
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:09,232
in some fake, unrealistic
way as the music swells.
390
00:14:10,901 --> 00:14:13,303
In Portuguese.
391
00:14:13,371 --> 00:14:14,437
What if I made a mistake
392
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:16,272
not telling Reggie
how I feel about him?
393
00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:19,109
Is that why you've
been avoiding him?
394
00:14:19,176 --> 00:14:22,512
Maybe.
What happened with mom?
395
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:23,646
She asked me to tell her
396
00:14:23,714 --> 00:14:25,148
what I found
unattractive about her.
397
00:14:25,216 --> 00:14:27,217
And I-I told her,
"nothing, nothing."
398
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:29,452
Then she started yelling at me
399
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,821
for not communicating
well enough.
400
00:14:32,989 --> 00:14:34,923
So I told her I didn't
like her as a blonde.
401
00:14:34,991 --> 00:14:37,326
Oh, good. So, like,
the worst answer ever.
402
00:14:37,393 --> 00:14:38,827
Yeah, maybe.
403
00:14:38,895 --> 00:14:41,263
- You should go talk to Reggie.
- You should go talk to mom.
404
00:14:43,499 --> 00:14:45,434
[Chuckles]
405
00:14:46,301 --> 00:14:47,886
Hey, Amber, this was nice,
406
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,672
this whole
"you and me talking" thing.
407
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,808
Yeah, we should do it again.
You know, for work.
408
00:14:53,876 --> 00:14:56,077
Right.
409
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,512
Oh, and just between us...
410
00:14:57,580 --> 00:15:01,850
If I was Reggie, I would
take you back in a heartbeat.
411
00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:03,952
That's weird.
412
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:05,820
Sorry.
413
00:15:06,888 --> 00:15:09,289
Oh, also, just between us,
when mom was a blonde,
414
00:15:09,357 --> 00:15:11,325
she looked like a waitress
from Fort Lauderdale.
415
00:15:11,393 --> 00:15:13,460
I know, right?!
[Sighs]
416
00:15:13,528 --> 00:15:16,263
That's like having food stuck
in your teeth for six years
417
00:15:16,331 --> 00:15:18,532
and the person
that you are closest to
418
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,201
just lets you sit there
looking like an idiot!
419
00:15:21,269 --> 00:15:23,003
I wish he'd just
speak his mind!
420
00:15:23,071 --> 00:15:24,972
[Door opens] [Sighs]
421
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,741
I don't like your
lime-green toenail Polish.
422
00:15:27,809 --> 00:15:29,076
It creeps me out.
423
00:15:29,144 --> 00:15:31,478
I don't like when you throw
around random Italian words.
424
00:15:31,546 --> 00:15:33,614
I get it.
You wanted to live in Italy.
425
00:15:34,682 --> 00:15:36,883
I don't like at the end
of a movie trailer
426
00:15:36,951 --> 00:15:38,952
when you say,
"oh, that's not gonna be good."
427
00:15:39,019 --> 00:15:40,353
How do you know?
428
00:15:40,421 --> 00:15:43,423
I don't like those one-piece
short pants/skirt combo things.
429
00:15:43,490 --> 00:15:45,491
- Rompers.
- Yeah, you like a retched-out dwarf.
430
00:15:45,559 --> 00:15:47,727
I don't like that I'm
sitting here right now.
431
00:15:47,795 --> 00:15:49,329
Most of all...
432
00:15:49,396 --> 00:15:50,730
I don't like
when I hurt your feelings.
433
00:15:50,798 --> 00:15:52,665
Oh, Marty.
434
00:15:52,733 --> 00:15:55,435
I don't want you to feel like
you got to hide things from me.
435
00:15:55,502 --> 00:15:57,604
I want your honest opinion.
436
00:15:57,671 --> 00:16:01,140
Back at home when we're alone.
437
00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:02,308
Oh, I'm sorry.
438
00:16:02,976 --> 00:16:04,376
I overdid it
on the "Love actually" today.
439
00:16:04,444 --> 00:16:05,945
I almost did this whole thing
in Portuguese.
440
00:16:06,012 --> 00:16:07,947
Oh, did Amber watch with you?!
Did she cry?!
441
00:16:08,014 --> 00:16:09,281
She watched.
She didn't cry.
442
00:16:09,349 --> 00:16:10,916
Oh.
But we had a great moment.
443
00:16:10,984 --> 00:16:12,051
- Oh, I'm excited.
- Yeah.
444
00:16:12,118 --> 00:16:13,519
Can we wrap this up, maybe?
445
00:16:13,587 --> 00:16:17,523
And you!
Stop hitting on my hot wife!
446
00:16:17,591 --> 00:16:20,025
Trust me, no longer an issue.
447
00:16:20,093 --> 00:16:22,194
Arrivederci. You're right.
That does sound awful.
448
00:16:22,262 --> 00:16:23,996
- Know what a widget is?
- No, what's a widget?
449
00:16:24,064 --> 00:16:26,144
- What the hell's a widget?!
- It's in your syllabus!
450
00:16:28,434 --> 00:16:31,870
Why would you ever think that
Reggie Jackson is our favorite?
451
00:16:31,937 --> 00:16:33,071
Oh, I don't know...
452
00:16:33,139 --> 00:16:35,006
Maybe 'cause he goes
through one breakup
453
00:16:35,074 --> 00:16:37,041
and suddenly everyone
forgets the Butkus!
454
00:16:37,109 --> 00:16:40,011
Dick, you're feeling left out.
455
00:16:40,079 --> 00:16:41,112
Ding, ding, ding!
456
00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:42,501
Detective obvious
cracks the case!
457
00:16:43,081 --> 00:16:45,416
Well, trust me, son.
I know the feeling.
458
00:16:45,484 --> 00:16:47,651
Once a year, your father
and Reggie Jackson
459
00:16:47,719 --> 00:16:49,086
have a very special bond
460
00:16:49,154 --> 00:16:51,355
that I will never,
ever understand... ever.
461
00:16:51,423 --> 00:16:52,957
Tell me about it.
462
00:16:53,024 --> 00:16:54,992
But I will let you in
on a little secret.
463
00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:58,796
I do have a favorite,
and it's you.
464
00:16:58,864 --> 00:17:00,531
Girl, please.
465
00:17:00,599 --> 00:17:01,766
No, seriously.
466
00:17:01,833 --> 00:17:04,168
You have no idea how much
I need you right now.
467
00:17:04,236 --> 00:17:06,971
You're not a "weep at
the drop of a hat" man yet.
468
00:17:07,038 --> 00:17:09,073
Ugh! Men are the worst.
469
00:17:09,141 --> 00:17:10,040
Hmm.
470
00:17:11,608 --> 00:17:12,775
But, Dick, the only reason
471
00:17:12,843 --> 00:17:14,644
that I pay Reggie Jackson
and your father
472
00:17:14,711 --> 00:17:17,680
so much more attention
is because they need it.
473
00:17:17,748 --> 00:17:20,583
You are my strong,
little ginger boo...
474
00:17:20,651 --> 00:17:23,786
And the one I have the most
in common with in this family.
475
00:17:23,854 --> 00:17:26,355
[Sighs]
Sorry for being such a man.
476
00:17:26,423 --> 00:17:27,390
Bump it out?
477
00:17:31,495 --> 00:17:34,964
Say, Dick, you'll still
want to hang out with me
478
00:17:35,032 --> 00:17:37,366
in 400 years once you start
having your cycle, won't you?
479
00:17:37,434 --> 00:17:42,004
Oh, mother, let's not ruin
this moment with insecurity.
480
00:17:42,072 --> 00:17:43,339
[Indistinct conversations]
481
00:17:43,407 --> 00:17:45,908
Are you sure this is the
best way to get over Amber?
482
00:17:45,976 --> 00:17:48,211
Son, all I know is
that once a year,
483
00:17:48,278 --> 00:17:51,347
we Zabvronian men have a unique
perspective on the world.
484
00:17:51,415 --> 00:17:54,317
Unlike human males
who replace their emotions
485
00:17:54,384 --> 00:17:56,619
with machismo
and meaningless grunts,
486
00:17:56,687 --> 00:18:01,257
we can actually show our
feelings in all their raw glory!
487
00:18:01,325 --> 00:18:04,060
Now get on that Mike and...
488
00:18:04,128 --> 00:18:05,428
Let yourself go!
489
00:18:07,931 --> 00:18:13,202
Welcome to Larry Bird's
open mic.
490
00:18:14,370 --> 00:18:17,105
Tonight, prepare for something
you've never seen before.
491
00:18:17,173 --> 00:18:19,074
Someone will
self-centeredly work through
492
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:23,245
their failed relationship issues
through song in a coffee shop.
493
00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:29,351
Now, put your hands together
for my son, Reggie Jackson!
494
00:18:29,418 --> 00:18:31,620
[Applause]
495
00:18:37,693 --> 00:18:39,494
[Guitar plays]
496
00:18:43,299 --> 00:18:45,333
Is it that I'm sad
497
00:18:45,401 --> 00:18:47,902
Or is it just the hormones
498
00:18:47,970 --> 00:18:49,904
You don't return my texts
499
00:18:49,972 --> 00:18:52,707
and I know you have
a cellphone
500
00:18:52,775 --> 00:18:55,410
Amber
501
00:18:55,478 --> 00:18:58,980
I'm better off alone
502
00:18:59,048 --> 00:19:01,116
[Harmonica plays]
503
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:11,157
We're from different worlds
504
00:19:11,225 --> 00:19:13,726
doomed from the start
505
00:19:13,794 --> 00:19:16,729
destiny has shown
506
00:19:16,797 --> 00:19:19,232
we're meant to be apart
507
00:19:19,299 --> 00:19:22,635
Amber
508
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:25,371
Amber, I'm moving on
509
00:19:25,439 --> 00:19:27,707
[Harmonica plays]
510
00:19:27,774 --> 00:19:30,243
The universe is right
511
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:33,679
we should never date
512
00:19:33,747 --> 00:19:36,716
[Harmonica plays]
513
00:19:36,783 --> 00:19:38,184
No
514
00:19:38,252 --> 00:19:41,087
the universe is wrong
515
00:19:41,155 --> 00:19:42,388
it's you
516
00:19:42,456 --> 00:19:47,393
you're my soul mate
517
00:19:47,461 --> 00:19:49,429
[Applause]
518
00:19:55,134 --> 00:19:56,535
She left.
519
00:19:56,603 --> 00:19:58,804
I played her my song,
and s-she left.
520
00:19:58,871 --> 00:20:02,040
Oh, I shouldn't have
pushed you to do that.
521
00:20:02,108 --> 00:20:04,142
Why are my speeches so rousing?
522
00:20:04,210 --> 00:20:06,211
Amber doesn't care how I feel.
523
00:20:06,279 --> 00:20:08,213
She doesn't care about me.
524
00:20:08,281 --> 00:20:09,548
[Sighs]
525
00:20:09,616 --> 00:20:10,916
Please tell me
it hurts this bad
526
00:20:10,984 --> 00:20:12,351
because it's our time
of the year.
527
00:20:12,418 --> 00:20:14,186
Oh, I don't know, son.
528
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:16,855
Oh, it's all
so unbearably heartbreaking.
529
00:20:16,923 --> 00:20:18,857
Maybe we'll feel
like this forever.
530
00:20:18,925 --> 00:20:20,192
[Ding!]
531
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:23,195
Oh.
Oh, my cycle's completed.
532
00:20:23,262 --> 00:20:24,229
Whew!
533
00:20:24,297 --> 00:20:25,897
Do I feel better!
534
00:20:25,965 --> 00:20:27,566
Oh!
Onwards and upwards.
535
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:29,401
There's plenty of
more fish in the sea,
536
00:20:29,469 --> 00:20:30,736
so get back on that horse.
537
00:20:30,803 --> 00:20:32,571
Am I right?
You know what I mean?
538
00:20:32,639 --> 00:20:33,872
Bump it out!
539
00:20:33,940 --> 00:20:35,140
No?
540
00:20:35,208 --> 00:20:37,543
Oh, Reggie, rub some
dirt in it and move on.
541
00:20:37,610 --> 00:20:39,011
[Sighs]
542
00:20:47,295 --> 00:20:49,396
[Sighs]
543
00:20:49,464 --> 00:20:50,731
[Cheers and applause]
544
00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:52,733
For God sakes, is there anyone
545
00:20:53,301 --> 00:20:55,402
that Hugh Grant
doesn't have chemistry with?
546
00:20:55,470 --> 00:20:57,070
You could put him
next to a toaster,
547
00:20:57,138 --> 00:20:59,406
and I'd think
they belong together.
548
00:20:59,474 --> 00:21:01,241
That explains Andie MacDowell.
549
00:21:01,309 --> 00:21:02,576
Quick question.
550
00:21:02,643 --> 00:21:04,578
Who brings out
Hugh Ggrant's best qualities...
551
00:21:04,645 --> 00:21:07,414
Drew Barrymore, Sandra Bullock,
or Julia Roberts?
552
00:21:07,482 --> 00:21:08,548
Trick question.
553
00:21:08,616 --> 00:21:09,649
Hugh brings out
his own best qualities.
554
00:21:09,717 --> 00:21:10,817
Correct.
You get a scoop.
555
00:21:10,885 --> 00:21:12,319
Sweet. [Sighs]
556
00:21:12,387 --> 00:21:14,654
Ooh, hey, guys.
557
00:21:14,722 --> 00:21:17,724
Is there anyone Hugh Grant
doesn't have chemistry with?
558
00:21:17,792 --> 00:21:19,559
[Chuckles]
559
00:21:19,627 --> 00:21:20,827
Grab a spoon.
560
00:21:21,552 --> 00:21:24,552
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
561
00:21:24,602 --> 00:21:29,152
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