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1
00:00:02,992 --> 00:00:04,692
Can someone pass
the potatoes, please?
2
00:00:04,693 --> 00:00:07,393
When you say potatoes,
I pass potatos.
3
00:00:07,394 --> 00:00:08,594
Is there any salad left?
4
00:00:08,595 --> 00:00:11,095
Mi ensalada es su ensalada
5
00:00:11,198 --> 00:00:12,098
Bread me.
6
00:00:13,099 --> 00:00:14,499
Take me to Pound Town.
7
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:16,700
Explosion in Pound Town.
8
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:19,769
A little schmutz on
your face, baby cake.
9
00:00:19,803 --> 00:00:22,004
Reggie, stop.
That's weird.
10
00:00:22,539 --> 00:00:24,540
Aww, that's so sweet.
He's taking care of you.
11
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,842
Wiping things from your
face, keeping you clean.
12
00:00:26,876 --> 00:00:28,277
I'm not in hospice, mom.
13
00:00:28,311 --> 00:00:30,612
Besides, you try going
on super-awkward dates
14
00:00:30,647 --> 00:00:32,514
where your boyfriend
just watches you eat.
15
00:00:32,548 --> 00:00:34,116
Amber, you know Zabvronians
don't eat food.
16
00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:36,952
But I didn't realize our dates
were weird or awkward.
17
00:00:37,686 --> 00:00:38,620
You guys go on nice dates.
18
00:00:38,654 --> 00:00:39,587
Look, this Sunday,
19
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:40,555
you're going bowling
at 8:00, right?
20
00:00:40,589 --> 00:00:41,589
That's nice.
21
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:42,824
Actually, we're not going
plain bowling.
22
00:00:42,858 --> 00:00:43,858
We're going rock and bowling,
23
00:00:43,892 --> 00:00:46,127
and we moved
the reservation to 7:30
24
00:00:46,161 --> 00:00:47,695
because you know what they say.
25
00:00:47,730 --> 00:00:50,431
It's hard to get a rock and bowl
reservation at 8:00.
26
00:00:51,533 --> 00:00:52,734
Pound town.
27
00:00:53,736 --> 00:00:55,103
7:30, huh.
28
00:00:55,137 --> 00:00:56,237
Ah. There it is.
29
00:00:56,272 --> 00:00:58,739
You already sent the update to
my calendar. Thank you, Reggie.
30
00:00:58,773 --> 00:01:00,474
Also awkward,
this bit where my dad
31
00:01:00,508 --> 00:01:02,743
knows everything I do on
dates with my boyfriend.
32
00:01:02,777 --> 00:01:04,845
- That's got to stop.
- Absolutely not.
33
00:01:04,879 --> 00:01:06,980
My daughter is dating, and
it's actually working for me.
34
00:01:07,015 --> 00:01:08,348
I'm sleeping through the night.
35
00:01:08,383 --> 00:01:10,150
I don't wake up
strangling my pillow anymore.
36
00:01:10,184 --> 00:01:11,318
Debbie, please tell them.
37
00:01:11,352 --> 00:01:14,221
He's strangling his pillow less.
It's true.
38
00:01:14,255 --> 00:01:16,023
Weavers.
39
00:01:16,057 --> 00:01:19,159
I have horrifying news.
You may want to sit down.
40
00:01:19,193 --> 00:01:21,094
Thank you.
41
00:01:21,729 --> 00:01:23,997
The ball and chain is out
managing her burrito joint,
42
00:01:24,031 --> 00:01:26,899
earning some Benjamins Buttons
to make it rain on my family.
43
00:01:26,934 --> 00:01:28,401
I said that right, yes?
44
00:01:28,435 --> 00:01:29,802
Killed it.
45
00:01:29,837 --> 00:01:30,803
I was home alone,
46
00:01:30,838 --> 00:01:33,172
and I finally got around
to watching golf.
47
00:01:33,207 --> 00:01:34,974
And to my abject horror,
48
00:01:35,009 --> 00:01:37,543
I discover it is the single most
tedious activity
49
00:01:37,578 --> 00:01:38,945
on this or any other planet.
50
00:01:38,979 --> 00:01:40,980
How have you never
watched golf before?
51
00:01:41,015 --> 00:01:42,415
Well, turns out
I had watched it.
52
00:01:42,449 --> 00:01:44,350
But what I thought were people
walking somewhere to play golf
53
00:01:44,385 --> 00:01:46,052
was actually
people playing golf.
54
00:01:46,286 --> 00:01:48,321
It's just walking around
with a stick.
55
00:01:48,355 --> 00:01:50,456
My family drive around
in golf carts.
56
00:01:50,491 --> 00:01:51,424
Look at my clothes.
57
00:01:51,458 --> 00:01:52,592
My entire life
58
00:01:52,626 --> 00:01:55,394
is defined by a sport
I cannot stand.
59
00:01:55,429 --> 00:01:58,865
I'm not gonna wear
this golf shirt a second longer.
60
00:02:01,235 --> 00:02:02,935
Damn this lycra.
61
00:02:06,907 --> 00:02:08,808
Damn it.
62
00:02:10,142 --> 00:02:13,945
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
63
00:02:13,979 --> 00:02:17,782
We came from outer space
and settled in New Jersey
64
00:02:17,817 --> 00:02:21,452
we took names like Larry Bird
and Jackie Joyner-Kersee
65
00:02:21,487 --> 00:02:23,788
then the humans
moved next door
66
00:02:23,823 --> 00:02:25,957
started testing
all our limits
67
00:02:25,991 --> 00:02:28,126
so sit right down,
enjoy the show
68
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,396
we'll be done in 30 minutes
69
00:02:33,666 --> 00:02:34,833
What you doing?
70
00:02:34,868 --> 00:02:36,869
Just trying to get this
fantasy trade to go through.
71
00:02:36,903 --> 00:02:38,103
Rosenbaum is such a sucker.
72
00:02:38,138 --> 00:02:39,438
If I can pull this off,
73
00:02:39,472 --> 00:02:41,340
I'll be able to start
three running backs this week,
74
00:02:41,374 --> 00:02:42,508
and it would be huge.
75
00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:45,010
Wow, three running backs.
That would be...
76
00:02:45,044 --> 00:02:46,845
Nope. I can't.
77
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,847
Marty, we need to talk
about Reggie and Amber.
78
00:02:48,882 --> 00:02:50,015
Uh-huh.
79
00:02:50,049 --> 00:02:51,517
If Reggie keeps
telling you everything,
80
00:02:51,551 --> 00:02:53,051
you're gonna
drive Amber away from him.
81
00:02:53,086 --> 00:02:55,787
Suck it, rosen-clown!
82
00:02:57,023 --> 00:02:58,690
You're not listening
to a thing I'm saying, are you?
83
00:02:58,725 --> 00:03:00,559
Just buy a new one, hon.
84
00:03:00,593 --> 00:03:02,728
You have an extra wide receiver
and your lineup's illegal.
85
00:03:02,762 --> 00:03:04,563
No, it's not.
I double-checked it twice.
86
00:03:04,597 --> 00:03:07,166
Unbelievable.
87
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,334
Takes two parents, Marty...
Two.
88
00:03:09,369 --> 00:03:11,170
All right, hon.
I'll just eat it cold.
89
00:03:11,204 --> 00:03:13,539
Don't worry.
90
00:03:15,373 --> 00:03:17,643
Oh, there's my brown sugarplum.
91
00:03:17,677 --> 00:03:20,412
I have so much to tell you.
I watched golf.
92
00:03:20,446 --> 00:03:22,181
It was awful.
93
00:03:22,215 --> 00:03:24,149
We're gonna have to change
our sporting identity.
94
00:03:24,184 --> 00:03:25,984
All these things happened today.
It was crazy.
95
00:03:26,019 --> 00:03:27,653
I've been dying
to speak to you.
96
00:03:27,687 --> 00:03:30,189
Well, I'm exhausted.
Can we talk about this tomorrow?
97
00:03:30,223 --> 00:03:32,257
Oh, but we've
barely seen each other.
98
00:03:32,292 --> 00:03:34,092
I thought we could snuggle
and recap our days
99
00:03:34,127 --> 00:03:35,594
while my hands hydrate.
100
00:03:35,628 --> 00:03:37,930
Husband, I love you.
101
00:03:37,964 --> 00:03:39,398
You light up my life.
102
00:03:39,432 --> 00:03:41,166
But right now,
all I really want to do
103
00:03:41,201 --> 00:03:42,668
is sit alone on our comfy couch
104
00:03:42,702 --> 00:03:44,236
and snuggle
with Chelsea Handler.
105
00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:47,072
Oh! She's so snarky.
106
00:03:47,106 --> 00:03:49,575
And I love how she pretends
that she's 38.
107
00:03:49,609 --> 00:03:51,944
Such chutzpah.
Can I watch with you?
108
00:03:51,978 --> 00:03:53,145
Oh.
109
00:03:53,179 --> 00:03:55,280
Well, I just really
want to decompress, husband.
110
00:03:55,315 --> 00:03:58,450
Maybe you can find something
to occupy yourself with
111
00:03:58,484 --> 00:04:00,085
that isn't me.
112
00:04:00,119 --> 00:04:02,087
You understand, don't you?
113
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:12,231
Why do I keep you so silky
when there's no one to hold?
114
00:04:12,265 --> 00:04:15,734
Okay, three hours
to first game kickoff, guys.
115
00:04:15,768 --> 00:04:17,369
Max, talk to me.
116
00:04:17,403 --> 00:04:18,604
War room is ready.
117
00:04:18,638 --> 00:04:20,405
We're logged in
to all three fantasy leagues,
118
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,908
and I have the streaming
real-time injury updates
119
00:04:22,942 --> 00:04:24,676
coming in live.
120
00:04:24,711 --> 00:04:25,978
Abby, DVR status?
121
00:04:26,512 --> 00:04:27,979
ESPN stays hot all day.
122
00:04:28,013 --> 00:04:30,248
We're recording
the pre-game show now.
123
00:04:30,282 --> 00:04:32,283
There was a conflict
between a pre-pre-game show
124
00:04:32,318 --> 00:04:36,321
and one of mommy's recordings,
but mommy ain't here, is she?
125
00:04:36,355 --> 00:04:37,388
That's my girl.
126
00:04:41,260 --> 00:04:43,394
Ol?, Ol?, Ol?, Ol?
127
00:04:43,429 --> 00:04:46,030
Hi, Larry.
What's with the Jersey?
128
00:04:46,565 --> 00:04:50,067
Oh, uh, long expositional story.
Do you have 30 seconds?
129
00:04:50,101 --> 00:04:52,937
Mm. I was lying in bed last
night covered in hand lotion.
130
00:04:52,971 --> 00:04:54,605
I mean, I was just
slathered in it.
131
00:04:54,639 --> 00:04:55,806
20 seconds, Larry.
132
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,241
My wife told me
to find something
133
00:04:57,275 --> 00:04:59,677
to occupy myself with
which isn't her.
134
00:04:59,711 --> 00:05:02,947
So, I'm going to transition
from golf fanatic
135
00:05:02,981 --> 00:05:04,448
to football fanatic.
136
00:05:04,482 --> 00:05:07,084
Please, will you
teach me football?
137
00:05:07,718 --> 00:05:08,718
What do you think?
138
00:05:08,753 --> 00:05:11,688
New guy gets the crap seat.
139
00:05:11,722 --> 00:05:14,124
Oh! Ohh.
140
00:05:14,158 --> 00:05:16,593
Mm-hmm. You'll be stuck there
for a while.
141
00:05:18,229 --> 00:05:20,530
Anyone interested in brunch?
142
00:05:20,565 --> 00:05:23,567
No? Oh, that's right.
It's Sunday. I'm alone.
143
00:05:23,601 --> 00:05:24,868
Frittata for one, I guess.
144
00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:28,004
Hey, guys. What's up?
145
00:05:28,039 --> 00:05:29,773
Short expositional story.
Do you have 20 seconds?
146
00:05:30,107 --> 00:05:33,810
- I do. - So, after a 20-hour shift,
I passed out in front of the tv.
147
00:05:33,844 --> 00:05:35,445
I wake up this morning
facedown on the couch.
148
00:05:35,479 --> 00:05:36,613
And the last thing I remember
149
00:05:36,647 --> 00:05:39,115
is Chelsea Handler making fun
of that hispanic dwarf,
150
00:05:39,149 --> 00:05:40,517
in ways that sounded vicious...
151
00:05:40,551 --> 00:05:42,118
But were actually quite charming.
152
00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:45,621
Go on.
153
00:05:45,655 --> 00:05:47,056
So, I wake up
to find Reggie Jackson
154
00:05:47,090 --> 00:05:48,857
in a nearly apoplectic state.
155
00:05:48,892 --> 00:05:50,359
Reggie Jackson, explain.
156
00:05:50,493 --> 00:05:52,627
I love Amber and want her
to have a proper human date
157
00:05:52,662 --> 00:05:55,297
where I don't make things
awkward, but I don't know how.
158
00:05:55,331 --> 00:05:56,932
Oh.
Talk to me, Debbie Weaver.
159
00:05:56,966 --> 00:05:59,668
Help me put some "love"
in my "actually."
160
00:05:59,702 --> 00:06:00,969
Oh, Reggie.
161
00:06:01,003 --> 00:06:02,904
"Love actually"
doesn't exist in this house
162
00:06:02,939 --> 00:06:04,740
between September
and super bowl Sunday.
163
00:06:04,774 --> 00:06:07,142
There is no love.
There is only Lovie Smith.
164
00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:10,044
Lovie Smith was the head coach
of the Chicago Bears,
165
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,647
and there's no surgery
that can make me un-know this.
166
00:06:12,681 --> 00:06:14,282
The only thing that I do know
167
00:06:14,316 --> 00:06:16,517
is one day, you're a love-struck
16-year-old girl
168
00:06:16,552 --> 00:06:18,619
who's boyfriend calls you
every other night
169
00:06:18,654 --> 00:06:20,454
at exactly 8:00 P.M.
170
00:06:20,489 --> 00:06:22,557
The next thing you know,
it's 20 years later,
171
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,392
and your marriage
has taken a backseat
172
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,028
to all things New York Giants.
173
00:06:27,062 --> 00:06:28,329
In the next three months,
174
00:06:28,363 --> 00:06:30,131
he'll have less
of a dialogue with you
175
00:06:30,165 --> 00:06:32,066
than Adam Rosenbaum
and the rest of the members
176
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,701
of the Tim-Teblows
division
177
00:06:33,735 --> 00:06:37,271
of greater New Jersey
fantasy-football league.
178
00:06:40,976 --> 00:06:42,410
I'm sorry.
What was your question?
179
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:44,512
Reggie Jackson,
please remind me and your father
180
00:06:44,546 --> 00:06:46,480
to stop apologizing
for long expositional stories.
181
00:06:46,515 --> 00:06:48,015
Amen.
182
00:06:48,050 --> 00:06:49,283
Oh, Reggie, you're a sweet kid,
183
00:06:49,318 --> 00:06:50,885
but I can't help you
get into my daughter's pants.
184
00:06:51,519 --> 00:06:53,153
Why on earth would
I want to wear her pants?
185
00:06:53,188 --> 00:06:55,122
Well, that helps.
Debbie, please.
186
00:06:55,156 --> 00:06:56,924
I want to make Amber happy,
187
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,059
but I also crave
Marty's approval.
188
00:06:59,093 --> 00:07:00,561
You know what?
189
00:07:00,595 --> 00:07:02,663
You don't have to
tell Marty anything.
190
00:07:02,697 --> 00:07:04,298
At least
one of the Weaver women
191
00:07:04,332 --> 00:07:05,866
can spend the day with her man.
192
00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:08,535
I'm gonna help you romance
the crap out of my daughter.
193
00:07:08,570 --> 00:07:10,204
Why on earth would I want to...
194
00:07:10,238 --> 00:07:11,238
It's just an expression,
Reggie.
195
00:07:20,068 --> 00:07:21,702
Okay, Reggie,
let's do dinner at your house
196
00:07:21,737 --> 00:07:24,138
so you and Amber
can have some privacy.
197
00:07:24,172 --> 00:07:26,373
Ooh, let's do a cheese course.
198
00:07:26,408 --> 00:07:28,476
Oh, do we really need
a nappetizer... a nap...
199
00:07:28,510 --> 00:07:30,377
An appetizer?
200
00:07:30,412 --> 00:07:31,979
What? Sleepy.
201
00:07:32,013 --> 00:07:33,280
Listen, I have not
shared a meal with my husband
202
00:07:33,315 --> 00:07:36,350
on a football Sunday
in a solid 15 years.
203
00:07:36,384 --> 00:07:37,885
It happened
to my mother before me.
204
00:07:37,919 --> 00:07:40,421
It's the curse
of the women in my family,
205
00:07:40,455 --> 00:07:42,022
and you are gonna help me
break that curse.
206
00:07:42,057 --> 00:07:44,558
My daughter is gonna have
Sunday dinner with her man.
207
00:07:44,593 --> 00:07:45,793
Do you have one of these?
208
00:07:45,827 --> 00:07:47,995
Yes. It's a hat.
209
00:07:48,029 --> 00:07:49,196
It is not.
210
00:07:49,931 --> 00:07:52,999
I have some Facebook photos
I should probably delete.
211
00:07:53,034 --> 00:07:54,801
Hmm.
Hello, nerds.
212
00:07:54,836 --> 00:07:58,839
Oh, hello.
You must be my wife.
213
00:07:58,873 --> 00:08:00,273
I'm sorry. I didn't know
who you were for a minute.
214
00:08:00,308 --> 00:08:03,510
I've been so wildly engaged
in my new favorite sport...
215
00:08:03,544 --> 00:08:04,911
Football.
216
00:08:04,946 --> 00:08:06,880
Pass chips, Reggie.
217
00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:09,816
Yeah! Ha!
218
00:08:09,851 --> 00:08:11,485
I've never felt so human.
219
00:08:13,354 --> 00:08:14,754
Mm! Nice hat.
220
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,658
No.
221
00:08:18,693 --> 00:08:20,961
Second and 4on the 41 and...
222
00:08:21,695 --> 00:08:23,462
Why do I get the crap seat?
223
00:08:23,497 --> 00:08:26,165
'Cause you joined last.
That makes you a rookie, rookie.
224
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,701
Yeah! Sports!
225
00:08:28,735 --> 00:08:31,136
- Yes!
- Oh, field goal!
226
00:08:31,171 --> 00:08:32,438
No, that's a first down, Larry.
227
00:08:32,672 --> 00:08:35,107
I got this, dad.
Pay attention, Birdman.
228
00:08:35,141 --> 00:08:37,575
Those fat guys wrestle,
wrestle, wrestle.
229
00:08:37,610 --> 00:08:39,144
Then the handsome one
230
00:08:39,178 --> 00:08:41,079
throws the ball
as hard as he can.
231
00:08:41,113 --> 00:08:43,448
And then one of the jumpy guys
tries to catch it.
232
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:46,685
If you're lucky, someone pretty
sings in the middle.
233
00:08:46,719 --> 00:08:49,254
Is this sports
or a Broadway musical?
234
00:08:49,288 --> 00:08:52,457
Either way, yes, please.
235
00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:55,226
Okay, let's start
with the main course.
236
00:08:55,261 --> 00:08:56,661
It needs to show effort.
237
00:08:56,695 --> 00:09:00,298
Oh, here's a recipe for
cr?pes au saumon sauce mornay.
238
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:01,332
Every word of that
239
00:09:01,367 --> 00:09:02,600
sounds like something
Amber would hate.
240
00:09:02,635 --> 00:09:04,035
Which reminds me,
241
00:09:04,069 --> 00:09:06,371
doesn't Amber
only eat fast food?
242
00:09:06,405 --> 00:09:08,139
I know you think
I'm overreacting, guys,
243
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,674
but you haven't
been through football.
244
00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:11,142
Marty answers
everything I say with,
245
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,077
"buy a new one, babe."
246
00:09:13,112 --> 00:09:15,780
Time is precious, Jackie,
and we never get enough of it,
247
00:09:15,814 --> 00:09:18,383
especially with the people we
want to spend it with the most.
248
00:09:18,417 --> 00:09:20,718
So, what do you say, pal, huh?
249
00:09:20,753 --> 00:09:21,853
Will you let me teach you
how to make
250
00:09:21,887 --> 00:09:23,988
my dream Sunday dinner
for my daughter?
251
00:09:24,123 --> 00:09:26,124
Let's go.
252
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:30,928
Okay. Let me see you
crack an egg, Reggie.
253
00:09:30,963 --> 00:09:33,498
I am so sorry.
254
00:09:34,667 --> 00:09:35,767
Oh, are you serious?
255
00:09:36,501 --> 00:09:38,936
Come on. Put some muscle
into it, babe.
256
00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:40,571
Here we go.
All right, two more.
257
00:09:40,605 --> 00:09:41,638
Come on.
258
00:09:41,673 --> 00:09:43,707
- Be a big boy. Come on.
- I can't.
259
00:09:43,742 --> 00:09:46,310
Come on. Score before the half!
I need the points!
260
00:09:46,344 --> 00:09:47,811
Win one for the tipper Gore.
261
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:48,779
Husband.
262
00:09:48,813 --> 00:09:50,914
Mm-hmm? Yes, muffin?
What?
263
00:09:50,949 --> 00:09:54,518
Well, I just wanted to talk
to you for a moment, I guess.
264
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,487
What, with me working so much
265
00:09:56,521 --> 00:09:58,455
and you so interested
in this football,
266
00:09:58,490 --> 00:10:03,427
I-I don't know... I'm...suddenly
feeling a little insecure,
267
00:10:03,461 --> 00:10:05,729
and I needed to see my boo,
you know?
268
00:10:05,764 --> 00:10:07,531
Mm-hmm. Sounds great.
Hmm.
269
00:10:07,599 --> 00:10:10,167
Go ahead.
Buy a new one.
270
00:10:14,872 --> 00:10:17,140
So, to make cheese,
271
00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:21,411
you steal the baby cow's milk
then add bacteria.
272
00:10:21,445 --> 00:10:22,512
Okay, don't ruin cheese
for me, Reggie.
273
00:10:22,546 --> 00:10:23,980
Debbie Weaver,
you weren't overreacting.
274
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:24,981
You were
under-reacting.
275
00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:26,216
This isn't about football.
276
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,550
This is about reminding
our husbands
277
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:30,253
of the shared experience of
being on this planet together.
278
00:10:30,287 --> 00:10:31,454
Mother, please.
279
00:10:31,488 --> 00:10:33,556
There's more than enough cheese
in this room already.
280
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,559
What?
281
00:10:39,196 --> 00:10:40,997
Okay, that's halftime.
282
00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:41,965
Now what?
283
00:10:41,999 --> 00:10:43,533
Well, now, we won't see it,
284
00:10:43,567 --> 00:10:45,668
but the coach gets to give
a great speech
285
00:10:45,703 --> 00:10:47,437
like Al Pacino
in "Any given Sunday."
286
00:10:47,471 --> 00:10:48,638
Pacin-who?
287
00:10:48,672 --> 00:10:50,607
Ah. I'll show you.
288
00:10:53,178 --> 00:10:57,748
Thing is...
289
00:10:58,482 --> 00:11:01,684
Life is all about inches.
290
00:11:01,719 --> 00:11:03,720
Football is, too.
291
00:11:05,154 --> 00:11:10,358
I mean, man, in both games,
the margin for error is tiny.
292
00:11:10,393 --> 00:11:11,493
We cannot fail.
293
00:11:11,527 --> 00:11:13,094
We cannot falter.
294
00:11:13,129 --> 00:11:15,597
Because we are not
just fighting for a dinner.
295
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:18,200
We are fighting
for a way of life.
296
00:11:18,234 --> 00:11:21,770
You jump too late or too early,
297
00:11:21,804 --> 00:11:24,706
you're too slow or too fast,
and you're out of luck.
298
00:11:24,740 --> 00:11:26,775
This is a battle
of the forces of good
299
00:11:26,809 --> 00:11:28,743
against the forces of evil.
300
00:11:28,778 --> 00:11:32,080
This is a battle for Sunday.
301
00:11:32,114 --> 00:11:34,950
On this team,
we fight for those inches.
302
00:11:34,984 --> 00:11:37,018
Hell, yeah!
Hoo-ah!
303
00:11:37,053 --> 00:11:39,955
In this family,
we fight for each other.
304
00:11:39,989 --> 00:11:40,956
Whee!
305
00:11:40,990 --> 00:11:42,624
I will not go quietly.
306
00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:46,661
I will not lose Sundays
with my family.
307
00:11:46,696 --> 00:11:49,564
Because those inches
all added together,
308
00:11:49,599 --> 00:11:53,735
that's what makes us
winners or losers!
309
00:11:53,769 --> 00:11:57,138
Dude, you got almost
all the words wrong.
310
00:11:57,173 --> 00:11:59,975
That's football, guys.
311
00:12:00,009 --> 00:12:01,643
That's all it is.
312
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:03,812
Then what happens?
313
00:12:03,846 --> 00:12:05,146
Well, then
there's a couple of commercials
314
00:12:05,181 --> 00:12:06,615
and the game comes back on.
315
00:12:17,584 --> 00:12:19,886
We did it, Jackie.
316
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,122
We created the Sunday dinner
to end all Sunday dinners.
317
00:12:23,157 --> 00:12:24,157
End them?
318
00:12:24,191 --> 00:12:25,391
But I thought that we were
trying to...
319
00:12:25,426 --> 00:12:27,460
- No, it's an expression, Jackie.
- Excuse me.
320
00:12:27,494 --> 00:12:29,695
I don't want to complain,
but it's starting to feel
321
00:12:29,730 --> 00:12:31,030
like I'm not involved
in my own date.
322
00:12:31,064 --> 00:12:32,398
Stay out of this.
Oh, mind your own business, Reggie.
323
00:12:32,433 --> 00:12:34,500
It's perfect.
Go invite her.
324
00:12:36,970 --> 00:12:39,172
Don't text her an invitation.
Do it like a man.
325
00:12:41,708 --> 00:12:42,841
Siri, tell my woman
326
00:12:42,875 --> 00:12:45,444
to bring her fine behind
down here for dinner.
327
00:12:45,478 --> 00:12:47,479
What is wrong with you?
328
00:12:47,513 --> 00:12:48,513
There it is.
329
00:12:48,548 --> 00:12:49,648
Marty, I am
really enjoying this,
330
00:12:49,682 --> 00:12:51,149
but I do have one question.
331
00:12:51,184 --> 00:12:52,984
The ball is shaped like an egg
332
00:12:53,019 --> 00:12:54,553
and they rarely touch it
with their feet.
333
00:12:54,587 --> 00:12:57,289
Why isn't the game
called "handegg"?
334
00:12:57,323 --> 00:12:59,758
Can someone
get him out of here?
335
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:01,326
Oh, hey. Hey, hey.
336
00:13:01,361 --> 00:13:02,594
You're a little dressed up
for rock and bowling, no?
337
00:13:02,628 --> 00:13:05,330
Change of plans.
Not going rock and bowling.
338
00:13:05,365 --> 00:13:06,631
Change of plans?
Wait a minute.
339
00:13:06,666 --> 00:13:07,666
No, no, no.
340
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:09,134
My calendar still says
"rock and bowling."
341
00:13:09,168 --> 00:13:10,802
Why wasn't my calendar updated?
342
00:13:10,837 --> 00:13:12,504
What's going on?
343
00:13:12,538 --> 00:13:13,605
Sounds like my son
is trying to...
344
00:13:13,639 --> 00:13:15,407
- Score!
- Score!
345
00:13:15,441 --> 00:13:16,875
Yeah!
Touchdown!
346
00:13:16,909 --> 00:13:18,643
Sports.
347
00:13:18,678 --> 00:13:21,213
hush, hush
348
00:13:21,247 --> 00:13:23,448
keep it down now
349
00:13:23,483 --> 00:13:27,652
voices carry
350
00:13:28,687 --> 00:13:29,987
I search for the words.
351
00:13:30,021 --> 00:13:33,557
Welcome to your not weird
or awkward romantic date.
352
00:13:34,826 --> 00:13:36,127
Mommies,
will you be joining us?
353
00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:46,737
Is someone playing
"Voices carry" on the accordion?
354
00:13:51,175 --> 00:13:53,176
Does he know any other songs?
355
00:13:53,210 --> 00:13:55,745
Your mom said this was the most
romantic song of all time.
356
00:13:55,779 --> 00:13:56,813
Is it not?
357
00:13:56,847 --> 00:13:58,314
Well, it's about 30 years old
358
00:13:58,348 --> 00:14:00,983
and features a guy telling
his girlfriend to shut up,
359
00:14:01,022 --> 00:14:02,989
so, not really.
360
00:14:06,022 --> 00:14:08,122
What's going on, Reggie?
Why wasn't this on the calendar?
361
00:14:08,125 --> 00:14:09,525
Um...
362
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,727
Because the calendar
is stupid, Marty.
363
00:14:11,762 --> 00:14:12,895
I was trying to tell you that,
364
00:14:12,930 --> 00:14:14,831
but you weren't
listening to me.
365
00:14:14,865 --> 00:14:16,699
So... so, you went
behind my back?
366
00:14:16,733 --> 00:14:18,668
Everything happens behind
your back this time of year.
367
00:14:18,702 --> 00:14:21,571
Marty, what are you doing?
The game's still on.
368
00:14:21,605 --> 00:14:24,340
I tried to pause it,
but Abby threatened to bite me.
369
00:14:24,374 --> 00:14:27,143
Husband, are you here
to join us for dinner?
370
00:14:27,577 --> 00:14:29,478
Join you for dinner? Oh, no.
I'm way too busy for that.
371
00:14:29,512 --> 00:14:32,213
The only thing I want to join
is Marty's fantasy league.
372
00:14:32,248 --> 00:14:35,250
The good one...
The one with the funny Jews.
373
00:14:35,284 --> 00:14:37,218
I'm starting to get worried
that this is getting awkward.
374
00:14:37,253 --> 00:14:38,820
- Come with me, Romeo.
- Okay.
375
00:14:38,854 --> 00:14:41,256
Husband, stay for dinner.
376
00:14:41,290 --> 00:14:43,525
I want to cuddle and connect
emotionally with you.
377
00:14:43,559 --> 00:14:45,260
Oh, now you do.
378
00:14:45,294 --> 00:14:47,462
You didn't care about cuddling and
emotional connection last night
379
00:14:47,496 --> 00:14:50,165
when you left me
for that vodka-soaked trollop.
380
00:14:50,199 --> 00:14:51,766
I was exhausted
from working all...
381
00:14:51,801 --> 00:14:53,068
You know what?
I give up.
382
00:14:53,102 --> 00:14:55,036
You and football
can have each other.
383
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:57,672
What's going on, babe?
384
00:14:57,706 --> 00:14:59,273
I'm sick of football, Marty.
385
00:14:59,308 --> 00:15:01,075
And I don't want to be
the type of wife
386
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,176
that says this kind of thing,
387
00:15:02,211 --> 00:15:04,245
but I'm sick of you disappearing
every Sunday.
388
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,647
I am way more interesting
than football, Marty.
389
00:15:06,682 --> 00:15:08,182
Ask anyone.
390
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,751
Are you talking playoff football
or regular season?
391
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:14,088
Larry, would you excuse us
for a minute?
392
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,857
Uh, yes, I have, uh,
some things to attend to.
393
00:15:16,892 --> 00:15:19,226
Tom Brady and referees.
394
00:15:19,261 --> 00:15:21,629
Sports.
395
00:15:24,499 --> 00:15:28,034
I am so sorry that our
not weird or awkward date
396
00:15:28,069 --> 00:15:29,970
ended up being
even more weird and awkward
397
00:15:30,004 --> 00:15:31,872
than any of our other dates.
398
00:15:31,906 --> 00:15:33,006
Are you kidding?
399
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,943
Reggie, as bat-poop crazy
as tonight was,
400
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:39,012
look at where we are.
401
00:15:39,046 --> 00:15:40,647
I mean, we snuck out,
402
00:15:40,681 --> 00:15:43,883
I'm here with you
and my favorite meal.
403
00:15:43,918 --> 00:15:45,485
There are stars.
404
00:15:45,519 --> 00:15:47,787
This is the most romantic date
I've ever been on.
405
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,823
This is a good date?
406
00:15:49,857 --> 00:15:52,392
Yes. It's a normal
teenage date.
407
00:15:52,426 --> 00:15:54,194
It's perfect.
408
00:15:54,228 --> 00:15:56,796
Don't leave me here alone
409
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,464
don't tell me
that we've grown
410
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:01,801
so out of love
in just a little while
411
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:05,205
There was one thing
that I planned on my own
412
00:16:05,239 --> 00:16:08,908
that our mothers
didn't know about.
413
00:16:08,943 --> 00:16:10,844
Okay.
414
00:16:11,478 --> 00:16:13,546
I was gonna eat
for the first time.
415
00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:14,713
Not just because
416
00:16:14,748 --> 00:16:16,348
you don't like me
sitting there staring at you,
417
00:16:16,383 --> 00:16:19,552
but because I thought
it would bring us closer.
418
00:16:19,586 --> 00:16:21,987
Reggie.
419
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,355
If you're gonna eat
for the first time,
420
00:16:23,390 --> 00:16:26,292
you might as well do it with the
most delicious food on earth.
421
00:16:26,326 --> 00:16:27,660
Chocolate milkshake.
422
00:16:27,694 --> 00:16:30,062
Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh
423
00:16:30,096 --> 00:16:31,063
Hmm.
424
00:16:31,097 --> 00:16:33,632
Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh
425
00:16:39,906 --> 00:16:41,640
Mm.
426
00:16:49,649 --> 00:16:52,384
What was that?
427
00:16:55,355 --> 00:16:57,923
Okay, we're just gonna...
428
00:16:57,958 --> 00:17:00,593
It's okay.
429
00:17:03,928 --> 00:17:06,563
I didn't, uh...
I didn't realize
430
00:17:06,598 --> 00:17:09,667
that me watching football
bothered you so much.
431
00:17:09,701 --> 00:17:11,402
I thought it was our schtick.
432
00:17:11,436 --> 00:17:15,105
"He watches football too much,
she goes to flea markets.
433
00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:17,675
They hate each other's things,"
you know?
434
00:17:17,709 --> 00:17:19,643
Yeah. No.
435
00:17:19,678 --> 00:17:21,578
No?
436
00:17:21,613 --> 00:17:24,548
Do you remember
when we first started dating
437
00:17:24,582 --> 00:17:26,550
in high school
how I used to call you?
438
00:17:26,584 --> 00:17:28,152
8:00 every other night.
That's right.
439
00:17:28,186 --> 00:17:30,454
Do you realize
how hard it was for me
440
00:17:30,488 --> 00:17:31,755
not to call you every night?
441
00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:33,157
It drove me nuts.
442
00:17:33,191 --> 00:17:36,393
Things have changed
a lot since high school.
443
00:17:36,428 --> 00:17:38,896
No, they haven't.
No, not at all.
444
00:17:38,930 --> 00:17:41,799
I'm... I'm sorry, Deb.
445
00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:45,202
I guess after all these years,
I still...
446
00:17:45,236 --> 00:17:46,503
I find it hard to believe
447
00:17:46,538 --> 00:17:48,572
that you would rather spend
more time with me than less.
448
00:17:50,709 --> 00:17:53,310
Oh, Marty.
449
00:17:53,345 --> 00:17:55,612
The game's still on.
450
00:17:55,647 --> 00:17:57,214
You can go watch
the end if you want.
451
00:17:57,248 --> 00:17:59,516
No. No.
452
00:17:59,551 --> 00:18:03,620
The only tight end
I want to watch is yours.
453
00:18:07,992 --> 00:18:10,394
Will you dance with me?
454
00:18:15,698 --> 00:18:16,966
Maestro.
455
00:18:30,146 --> 00:18:31,580
What are you doing here?
456
00:18:31,614 --> 00:18:32,881
Oh.
457
00:18:32,916 --> 00:18:35,050
I dramatically
stormed out of my own home
458
00:18:35,084 --> 00:18:36,718
and then realized
I had nowhere to go.
459
00:18:36,753 --> 00:18:40,422
You really would rather
watch football than be with me?
460
00:18:40,456 --> 00:18:41,590
Yes.
461
00:18:43,092 --> 00:18:46,495
No. I was putting on
a bit of a show.
462
00:18:49,299 --> 00:18:51,266
It's kind of a stupid game,
to be honest.
463
00:18:51,301 --> 00:18:53,535
And, um, I've done
a brilliant job of hiding it,
464
00:18:53,570 --> 00:18:55,237
but I don't think
I understand it.
465
00:18:58,439 --> 00:18:59,708
I don't like you...
466
00:19:00,042 --> 00:19:02,177
working all the time, wife.
467
00:19:03,111 --> 00:19:04,812
I don't like that the only way
468
00:19:04,846 --> 00:19:07,248
that you can decompress
is by doing it alone.
469
00:19:07,282 --> 00:19:09,517
Oh, I shouldn't have said that.
470
00:19:09,551 --> 00:19:10,584
This stupid game's
471
00:19:10,619 --> 00:19:12,453
shown me the other side
of things, and...
472
00:19:13,455 --> 00:19:14,855
I didn't like it very much.
473
00:19:14,890 --> 00:19:17,792
So, even if I am tired,
474
00:19:17,826 --> 00:19:19,760
I'd much rather
be tired with you.
475
00:19:19,795 --> 00:19:23,330
You've always been my favorite
form of decompression, L.B.
476
00:19:23,365 --> 00:19:24,598
Good.
477
00:19:24,633 --> 00:19:26,033
Well, spending time with you
478
00:19:26,067 --> 00:19:28,936
has always been
my favorite sport.
479
00:19:28,970 --> 00:19:29,904
Now, settle down, husband.
480
00:19:29,938 --> 00:19:31,539
There's no need
for a cheese course.
481
00:19:31,573 --> 00:19:33,340
I beg your pardon?
482
00:19:33,375 --> 00:19:36,911
It's an inside joke...
I think.
483
00:19:36,945 --> 00:19:38,512
I don't know.
I'm exhausted.
484
00:19:38,547 --> 00:19:41,649
And it's been a long day
full of monologues.
485
00:19:41,683 --> 00:19:43,417
Hmm.
486
00:19:43,452 --> 00:19:48,656
Oh! Good. Giants won.
Marty will be so pleased.
487
00:19:48,690 --> 00:19:53,861
Ain't worth your time
488
00:19:53,895 --> 00:19:56,363
yes, I do believe
489
00:19:56,398 --> 00:20:00,868
I think football's not
such a bad game after all.
490
00:20:01,702 --> 00:20:04,437
What a night, America.What a game.
491
00:20:04,472 --> 00:20:06,439
And tell me
how to love you good
492
00:20:06,474 --> 00:20:08,275
On a beautiful fall nightin New Jersey,
493
00:20:08,309 --> 00:20:10,610
two opposing teamsgave it all they had,
494
00:20:10,645 --> 00:20:13,780
scratching and clawingfor every yard.
495
00:20:13,814 --> 00:20:16,116
There were twists and turns,ups and downs,
496
00:20:16,150 --> 00:20:18,785
five lead changes,but in the end,
497
00:20:18,819 --> 00:20:21,788
the close game ended the wayclose games usually end.
498
00:20:21,822 --> 00:20:23,957
The home team came out on top.
499
00:20:23,991 --> 00:20:25,959
Yes, I do believe
500
00:20:25,993 --> 00:20:31,965
that if everything
that we need is here
501
00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:36,603
tell me how
to love you good
502
00:20:47,224 --> 00:20:50,793
Okay, so golf is out,
football is out.
503
00:20:50,827 --> 00:20:53,596
I present horse racing.
It's very silky.
504
00:20:56,533 --> 00:20:58,968
Ahh. Comfy.
505
00:20:59,002 --> 00:21:02,171
I can really move in this one.
506
00:21:05,942 --> 00:21:07,843
This one makes me suspect
507
00:21:07,878 --> 00:21:09,845
you three are just
having a laugh at me.
508
00:21:11,348 --> 00:21:12,915
That's it.
509
00:21:12,949 --> 00:21:14,350
We're going back to golf.
510
00:21:14,384 --> 00:21:17,019
Boring as hell,
but at least we look amazing.
511
00:21:17,020 --> 00:21:20,020
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
512
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:24,620
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