Original subtitles

(ABNER) You do see who it is, don't you, Joe?

Look more closely.

It's him!

It's the old Punch and Judy man!

- But you said Ramon was dead. - I said they show his tomb at Palma.

But he must be 500...

..700 years old!

With the power of the past and of the future in his magic mind,

and although his mind is fading, untold other powers as well.

Now do you see, you mutineering doddlehead,

why I do not dare risk hurting or threatening the old man?

Yes.

Well...

If we could get hold of this lixir thing...

Is it like a cough mixture?

..and put it on the market, I reckon it would sell like hot cakes.

Cretinous Joe.

Are you still feeling mutinous?

Mutinous? Me?

All I say is, we still don't know why you're scrobbling all these clergymen.

The box has disappeared - either at Seekings,

perhaps at the bishop's palace at Tatchester -

and until it is recovered, not one of them will be released!

But the morning paper...

You've got the Church all over the country up in arms.

It's their service tonight in the cathedral - been held every year for 1,000 years.

Naturally, they'll do everything to see that it goes ahead.

If the box is not delivered to me by midnight tonight,

I will stop their precious ceremony if it's the last thing I do!

Chief, I've got a suggestion.

It says the archbishop is offering a reward of ?1,000 for the return of the bishop,

with reduced sums for all the rest.

It's 25 quid even for a choirboy, and we scrobbled a lot of those.

Couldn't we, um...

..make a Christmas gesture before the whole world turns against us?

Get out!

There's one thing I can't understand -

I cannot for the life of me understand - that boy at Seekings...

- Kay Harker. - Hawlings might have given the box to him.

Yet you leave him unscrobbled.

Joe, I have it on the authority of my Pouncer that the boy is an idle muff.

That the ageless and shrewd, eternally wise Cole Hawlings

would entrust the greatest magic device of all time to an insignificant brat is nonsense!

Come, Joe.

It is Christmas.

Let us bury the hatchet.

We shall have breakfast.

And then I will go over to Tatchester Almshouse,

and deliver my Christmas lecture to the pensioners

in my other persona...

..as the Reverend Boddledale.

(CHUBBY JOE LAUGHS)

But we shall meet here again at half past two this afternoon.

To talk over our final plans.

Right.

I shall also be here at half past two, Mr Abner Brown.

Hello, Master Harker. What is it this time?

Inspector, how would you like to win the archbishop's reward of ?1,000?

- How do you think I might? - Go to the Tatchester Barracks,

fall out the Tatshire Blues, and raid the Chester Hills Missionary College.

You'll find the missing clergymen there, I'm sure.

How you run on about that college, Master Harker.

This is known in medical circles as an "hobsession". Have a bullseye.

It's too much studying, Master Harker. It's turned your mind.

(CAR BRAKES SQUEAL)

Keep the engine running. Inspector! Come along. We need every man we can get.

Cripes!

We're giving police protection to Tatchester Cathedral to save the midnight service.

Who's this?

This, Chief Constable, is Master Harker.

He's a very good lad, except for his "hobsession".

- Obsession? - He cannot get it out of his mind

that the Reverend Boddledale of our glee club is a master crook.

Nonsense, boy! Eat your bullseye.

Come along, Inspector!

Sir!

It's of the utmost urgency. A combined operation. Righto, driver!

Kay! We missed you at breakfast.

- If you've been having adventures without us... - Do be quiet, Maria. Any news of Peter?

Herne. Herne the Hunter, please come.

For I know now who is the key to all the trouble.

Herne!

I know what you want, young Kay.

- You want to find Arnold of Todi. - Yes.

It's HIS box, you see.

If it were returned to him, all this hunting for it and scrobbling people for it would stop.

But Arnold of Todi went back into the past, and has been lost in it somewhere ever since.

Couldn't I find him?

Kay, the past is a great book with many, many pages.

How could you find him?

- With the box! - Ah. The box.

It gives you the power to go into the past, but you cannot take it with you.

He who dares goes at his own risk, and must find his own way back.

- I'll take that risk. - You're very brave.

There is one chance.

It won't be quite you, but a shadow of you that goes.

If we from here can call you strongly enough through the sleeping you that remains,

you may - no certainty - but you may get safely back.

I'm ready.

Be careful.

The you that goes will cast no shadow, and those you meet will not like that.

- Are you sure you want to go? - Yes.

(SEAGULLS CRY)

So, what skulking Trojan is this, trying to escape?

I'm not a Trojan. I'm from Condicote, England.

- I've come... - Captain! Captain!

There's another of them. He's got no shadow.

(CAPTAIN) Well, neither he has.

Not a sign of a shadow.

Well, that's bad luck, boy - for you!

We'll soon settle him, Captain.

One good whack with this will let the shadow out that's tucked away inside him.

Let's hang the sculpin up by his heels till the shadow falls out of him, I say!

Silence!

The god of war smiles upon those who use their cunning.

Once before, when we came upon a barbarian of this sort, how did we deal with him?

- We marooned him on the nearest island. - Oh!

Well, you have your orders. Obey!

No! Please!

No!

(MAN) And what is worse, I sometimes fear

It isn't now at all that's here

No, but next year

Next year, or worse, some year beyond

In future time, unkenned, unconned

As far away from Trebizond as Todi Weir

And this I ask, and fain would know

Will now be in a day or so?

Is this-time-next-year now or no?

Or did now happen long ago - long, long ago?

And was tomorrow yesterday?

Or has it been and gone today?

Will no one say?

I wish someone would say!

Ah!

Italiano?

- Francais? - No.

English.

Not English, no. The English have tails.

It is well known. The English have tails.

- The English haven't got tails! - You have not, so you are not English.

What year in Anno Domini is this?

(KAY) 1934.

19...

1900 and...

- In the future or the present? - The present...I think.

What a thing is time.

I've got quite lost in time.

I know, sir. You ARE Arnold of Todi?

I was once, but I would have none of it.

I went back into the past.

- Why? - Why?

Because my own time was dull, of course.

Would you tell me how you got back into the past?

I made a box. A Box of Delights.

A man once came all the way from Spain to offer me his Elixir of Life in return for my box,

but I refused to give it,

and now I know not where it is, nor where I am.

- Why did you refuse? - Forgotten. Seemed important at the time.

I have your Box of Delights, although it really belongs to the man

- who came to you with the Elixir. - He lives on in your time?

Then his Elixir works - magnificent! But as for my box, it's no more than a silly little toy.

A toy?

A silly little...?

That box is very powerful and has caused no end of trouble in my own time.

If you would only come and take it back into ancient time,

it wouldn't exist in our time, and no one could claim it.

Come back to...?

Tatshire, England, 1934.

What a charming idea.

But I don't want it!

You mean I've come all this way into the past for nothing?

I nearly got myself killed by soldiers and little boats on big oceans!

- And now you say...? - I do not want that box!

And, you, I must say, are an impertinent, ignorant and insolent boy,

because it is a matter of absolute fact according to the best textbooks

that the English do have tails!

You want the past?

I'll send you back -

back, back where you'll never be found!

- (THUNDER AND LIGHTNING) - Herne!

- Herne the Hunter! - (HERNE) KayI

- KayI Come backI - But I can't get back.

If only they'd all call for me!

Where's Kay?

- Kay! - Kay!

Kay!

- Kay! - Kay!

- Kay! - Kay!

- Kay! - Kay!

- (KAY WHIMPERS) - (KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Kay, are you all right?

(JEMIMA) Kay, are you there?

Oh, really, Kay!

Kay, do wake up. It's time for lunch.

Kay!

All that groaning and yelping! Were you dreaming?

It seemed very real. Thanks, Jemima. Thanks for calling me back.

Come along. It's after one o'clock.

And I have an important appointment at half past two.

What did you say?

While you was off giving your sermon, I made up my mind.

I didn't know you had a mind to make up!

Tomorrow's Christmas Day. I want you to return the captives tonight

with ?10 apiece from our last bank robbery, then the whole thing will pass off as a rag.

- It will tell in our favour if we come to be tried. - I see. Anything else?

Yes. If you're so full of magic as you say you are,

why don't you use your magic to find the missing box?

What do you want with me now?

Don't be pert with me, boy, or I'll send you back for another eternity under the waterfall!

Tell the gentleman what Cole Hawlings has done with the box.

Given it to somebody to keep for him.

He put spells around it, so I don't know who.

Am I any nearer to getting the box?

You're very near to it. You shall have it under your hand today.

- (ABNER) Under my hand? - Mm-hm.

Under my hand today.

And you tell me to give the whole thing up

just when I'm within an ace of winning!

Let me go, can't you? Set me free from the waterfall!

Never. For you see things from there that no one else can see.

Anything you want to ask the boy, Joe?

Yeah.

What's in this blessed box?

It can make you go small,

and it can make you go swift, and it is full of wonders.

Anything else?

- What'll win the Grand National? - Kubbadar by seven lengths.

- Get back to your waterfall! - Agh!

I'll be very surprised if I ever let you out again!

(BOY WHINES)

Well, Joe...

I think you and I should take a little walk.

My dungeons!

My precious dungeons, deep, deep in the earth!

(ABNER CHORTLES)

And how is the dear bishop?

- Will you tell me where that package is? - You ruffian!

I know nothing of any package.

These pleasantries must cease!

Stubborn! Stubborn!

You're all stubborn!

But I am stubborn, too,

and the earth is stubborn.

Whoever knows where that package is and tells me,

you'll all be home by late tonight.

If not...

I will last,

and the earth will last,

but on dry bread and water I don't think you will!

Joe...

Do you remember the cell we put the earl into?

About seven years ago, wasn't it?

He didn't pay his ransom, did he?

Step inside and see if his bones are still there.

Oh, yes. I remember the earl. Very stubborn.

(ABNER LOCKS THE DOOR)

So, Joe...

with the made-up mind, hot for mutiny.

Stay here and rot for ever!

(ABNER LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

Under my hand.

I shall have the box today,

under my hand.

Strange.

Why do I think of that detestable child, Kay Harker?

Why...should he come into my mind now?

Well...

he had better not come into my presence.

Fear not, Abner.

Time to count...and enjoy your jewels!

Pearls...

and diamonds.

Oh, my rubies and sapphires!

Every robbery, every raid on every wealthy house.

But are you enough for what Abner plans?

Well...let's check.

300,000...

400,000...

Half a million!

(ABNER) Enough for you to retire on, Abner. Do it.

Do it today.

Flit off to some far country and let the others go hang!

I'd go this minute if I could only get my hands on that box.

Drat it!

But before I go...

Sylvia.

Do I take Sylvia?

My Pouncer?

She has become a little too independent these days.

Ambitions of her own, perhaps.

Well...

let us face her with it.

And if she is civil,

I may perhaps, after all...

(LOCKS CASHBOX)

..take her along.

And then,

when I have decided about Sylvia,

one last great wickedness...

before I go!

"Last great wickedness."

I've got to follow him.

I've got to get out of here, anyway.

Come on, box!

That's funny. I can't have.

I have. I've lost it.

Let me out.

Let me out! Let me out!

Let me out! Let me out!

Let me out! Let me out!

Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!

(DOOR IS UNLOCKED )

- (CHUBBY JOE) Charles! - Ssh!

(WHISPERS) Follow me.

There's one thing on my conscience.

(STRONGROOM DOOR OPENS)

You see, Sylvia, my Pouncer?

I told you he'd double-cross us. There's the boodle, all packed up in his cashbox.

False-hearted, treacherous Abner!

About to flit off and leave me in the lurch!

Well, ha-ha, what?

Not to put too fine a point on it, that's exactly what we're doing to him, eh?

It would serve him right if we just carried off the whole boxful!

Too heavy and too conspicuous.

My master key will soon resolve the matter.

- We shall conceal the jewels upon our persons. - No. Everything together in our suitcase.

- Certainly, my dear. Whatever you say. - Hurry. He may be back at any moment.

Revenge for all these years of "Do this, Charles!", "Don't be such a fool, Charles!",

"You dolt, Charles!"

- There! Is that the lot? - No, there's still something.

It's only a bit of rag. A jeweller's cleaning rag or some such. There!

(POUNCER) And now, away!

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