Original subtitles

(ABNER) As for the boy...

..that interfering, overreaching boy...

reporting to the police, talking on telephones.

What I won't do to that boy (!)

My dear...

- (SCRATCHING ON DOOR) - (ABNER) Come in, Rat!

- That's Sylvia Daisy Pouncer! - You know the lady?

Know the lady? She used to be my governess, and she's a witch.

(ABNER) Ah, Rat.

- And who have you got with you? - I make so bold, Master, to present my nephew.

Make a reverence to the gentleman.

- What will you take, Rat? - Well, I do like a drop of rum.

Not because I like it, but without it I can't stand the climate.

A drop of rum for Rat.

Alf, tell the gentleman what you seen last night.

- (WHISPERS) - Speak up, Alf! What does he say, Rat?

He says there's so many of you here, it's worse than when he was on trial.

Happy days, gents. Madam.

That's the stuff! Poison, but I can feel it doing me good all the way down.

Rat, speak for your nephew.

As ordered, my nephew, yesterday went to the Drop of Dew public house,

to keep an eye on one that you...

The old man. You told me all of this last night!

The old man decided the safest place to slip away to was Arthur's Camp at dawn.

Our men went to Arthur's Camp and got him!

We certainly did. Jolly good show, what?

One thing I want to know.

When the old man left the Drop of Dew yesterday afternoon,

- was the box still in his possession? - In his pocket, guv.

- He didn't hide it at the Drop of Dew? - He did not.

Now, listen to me.

You followed the old man to Seekings - the home of the boy, Kay Harker.

(RAT) Never let him out of his sight, did you? (ABNER) Let your nephew speak for himself.

Could he have hidden it anywhere on his way?

No. He kept tapping his pocket to make sure it was there - tap, tap, all the way.

Think hard!

It was snowing hard.

- Did the snow get in your eyes? - No, sir.

- You must have very odd eyes! - (CHUBBY JOE) Boss, let me have a go.

You! You're sure on the way to that house he didn't slip anyone that box?

I take my oath on Hamlet he didn't! Not a soul did we pass, it being all snow, such as I never.

Then where is the box now?!

There was no sign of it when we captured him at Arthur's Camp this morning.

- What I always says, boss, is... - Out! Throw them out!

Get back to your sewer and have a bath!

And, Charles...go and fetch the little person we wish to see,

and make sure you kick those dolts out the back door!

I won't have anyone listening behind the skirting board.

Now...

What has the old man done with that box?

Abner, dear, it's too late now to cry over spilt milk.

He could have handed it to somebody.

The Jones children or the boy.

Kay Harker, your ancient pupil.

That little ruffian.

You don't appear to have a very high opinion of the boy.

He was a child for whom I had the utmost detestation and contempt.

A thoroughly morbid, dreamy, idle muff!

My ideal. The old man would not have trusted such a treasure

to a child he had not met before that afternoon.

Well, then, there remains the guardian - this Caroline Louisa.

The mistress of the house.

A woman to be trusted.

He could have whispered to her...

"Take it.

"Keep it for me!"

Your imagination is quite Shakespearean.

Hmm...

We shall have to take steps about Madam Caroline Louisa.

May a weak woman make a suggestion, my starbright Abner?

Is it not more likely that he handed it to the bishop?

There he was, you see, really in luck,

amongst the most respectable company in the county.

It is only too likely, my empress.

If he gave it to the bishop, it'll be in the cathedral vaults by now

which Guy Fawkes and all his gunpowder couldn't get through. Yes!

- That's where the box is now. - My celestial one, it's almost Christmas.

The cathedral staff will be working overtime, preparing for the 1000th anniversary.

The bishop won't have given a thought to the vaults.

He's thrown the box into a drawer amongst his collars and his handkerchiefs.

Just you see if he hasn't.

My precious pearl, my blue and yellow sapphire,

I should only like to see if he hasn't!

Oh, those fools who let it slip through their fingers!

I tell you, Sylvia,

I'm tempted to get rid of Charles and his infernal "Ha-ha, what?"

Oh, but my emerald,

my ruby,

he's one of our most precious workers.

Get rid of Charles? Whatever for?

He's in charge of nobbling and scrobbling, and it all goes wrong!

Oh, but my own, my very own Abbie.

You must never think of getting rid of Charles.

Can't you see, he's our only buffer against the stupidity of Joe?

And can't you see, he's the only real friend we have?

You DO see.

I see you see.

My golden idol.

My graven image.

You must never, never be so foolish as to let Charles go.

- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - Ah. The little lady.

Remember, the old man may have given the box to her.

Be that as it may, she's very promising.

I should like to bring her in with us.

Come!

This way. Go straight through.

Ah, Miss Maria!

- How good of you to come. - I'd like to know what I'm here for.

Well, my dear, someone was saying that you're very interested in stained glass.

- Who, me? - Child...

We're making up a party to go over to St Griswold's this morning.

We shall have lunch there, look at the glass,

and you can be back at Seekings by teatime.

- You will join us? - It's a mouldy lot of glass at St Griswold's.

In the main church, yes, but in the Lady Chapel...

All English glass is mouldy if you ask me.

- This isn't English. - Oh?

Er...

Carolingian.

Well, my dear, would you like to run home and leave word that you'll be out until teatime?

Bother that. They know I can look after myself.

I generally carry a pistol or two, and I'm a dead shot with both hands.

You must enjoy the quiet atmosphere of school.

I've been expelled from three.

The headmistresses still swoon when they hear my name.

I count it a great honour to entertain so distinguished an ornament to her sex.

Shall we start?

Maria! Maria! Don't go with them. They're a gang!

They're up to no good.

Maria!

Back now - back to Seekings, as fast as ever we can go!

(MOUSE) Oh, no!

(PIRATE RAT) I can smell 'em in the air, and there they are! Come, me hearties.

- (KAY) Give me your paw. - We'll cut 'em into little collops!

And eat their livers fried!

- Let's get after 'em, lads! - Holy seadogs!

(PIRATE RATS SHOUT)

Blundering fools!

Thank you, Mouse. Goodbye.

Kay!

Susan? What is it?

- Oh, dear. - It's Maria.

I was in town buying Christmas presents,

when Maria went off in a car with some total strangers.

It's absolutely forbidden to go off in a car with strangers.

I didn't like the look of them, though two of them were dressed as curates.

(ELLEN) Toodle-oo!

Oh, Master Kay, that was your guardian.

- Caroline Louisa! What did she say? - She'll be home tonight on the 8.17.

I said you'd be at Tatchester, at the Punch and Judy show.

If we're not back, ask the Rupert's Arms to send a car to pick her up.

- Is her brother all right? - Much better.

Thank you, Ellen.

You'll catch your death if you go outside to play. The rain IS coming down.

(SUSAN) Very well. We'll stay in. (PETER) No trouble at all.

Well! Things IS easy when Miss Maria isn't here to contradict.

Mrs Calamine, would you mind if I asked you a question about one of your guests?

That depends, Master Kay, on the question,

and possibly on the guest.

Could you tell me, please, who are those clergymen who were here this morning?

That's the Reverend Doctor Boddledale, his wife, his chaplain

and his private secretary.

He's the head of the theological training college over at Chesters in the Chester Hills.

But he couldn't be.

I thought he was a Mr Brown.

- A Mr Abner Brown. - Abner?

That's a foreign name, is it not?

No, no. He's very well known, and a very holy gentleman.

His wife, Mrs Boddledale, wears the most lovely jewels.

She reminds me of someone I've seen hereabouts before.

It's always on the tip of my tongue, but I can't remember who.

Hmm.

Thank you, Mrs Calamine.

The Reverend Doctor Boddledale? A pillar of the church.

A man of the utmost respectability.

I've sung in the glee club with him time and time again.

- But I've seen him creeping around... - A very sweet tenor, Master Harker.

I don't see how he can be the Reverend anyone.

Master Harker, you have come home, if I may say so,

a little faint from the strain of learning.

Your nerves want food. I've often noticed it in young fellows back from school.

- Maria's been scrobbled! - If she's with the Reverend Boddledale,

she's in good hands.

As to her not being home yet, weren't you supposed to be at the bishop's Christmas show?

And Miss Maria with you?

Well, then - if she's gone to St Griswold's to look at that old glass,

why should she come all the way back to Seekings, hmm?

She'll have stayed in Tatchester for tea,

and gone direct to the bishop's palace.

Depend upon it.

Of course. I hadn't thought of that. That's very likely what's happened.

Now, then, you get that nice guardian of yours

to see that you take a strong posset every night.

A strong what?

Of course, you young folks in this generation, you don't know what a posset is.

A posset is a jorum of hot milk,

and in that hot milk, you puts an "hegg",

and you puts a spoonful of treacle

and a grating of nutmeg,

and you stirs 'em well up.

And then you gets into bed,

and you takes it down hot.

(SLURPS)

And a posset like that taken overnight will make a new man of you, Master Harker,

while now you're all worn down with learning.

- Understand? - No. What's a "jorum"?

- Ah! A jorum is a gigantuous... - Never mind, Inspector.

Thank you very much. I'll remember. A posset.

I'm going to lock you up!

And I'm going to knock you down!

(PUNCH LAUGHS)

(PUNCH) That's the way to do it!

- (ALL) Oh, no, it's not! - Oh, yes, it is!

Oh, no, it isn't!

(POLICEMAN) Will you be good from now on? (PUNCH) I will.

Is that his voice, do you think?

(POLICEMAN) Punch and Judy's tale is done. A happy Yuletide, everyone!

(PUNCH) Bye-bye!

I'm sure we all enjoyed Punch and Judy as given in the traditional style

by Mr Cole Hawlings.

Into the other room, everyone, for your Christmas surprise.

Your Grace, if it's possible, could I talk to the Punch and Judy man?

Someone's coming to take him off in a car,

his throat being so sore with the Christmas performances.

Come along, Kay. Come on.

- Right. Now, are we all ready? - (ALL) Yes!

One...two...three!

(THEY GASP)

Right. Now, I want no riots here.

Come and get your Christmas presents one by one.

Everybody's got one.

(GRAMOPHONE PLAYS "I SAW THREE SHIPS")

There's the music. Have you all got your presents?

I want you to get a cracker each, and then I want you to form two circles -

one circle in the middle,

and the other circle round the other on the outside.

Come along. In the middle. That's right.

Well done. Come along here, now.

Right. Off we go. Come along.

(CLAPPING IN RHYTHM TO MUSIC)

(MUSIC ENDS)

I'd completely forgotten. Maria isn't here.

Your Grace! Your Grace!

- What is it, Dudley? - During the party, we've had a burglary.

Every room has been turned absolutely upside down.

Peter, you don't think Maria could have been in with the gang that did the burglary?

I heard Abner Brown say he liked her style.

Knowing her, that'd flatter her enough to...

- If she has, that's the purple pim! - Ssh!

We heard what you said, and we don't agree.

Maria would never have had a hand in it, except to bring the swag back to its owners.

They did take all the jewels belonging to the bishop's guests.

It might be ordinary thieves and not your villains at all.

Oh, there you are! You didn't get wet. That's a mercy.

Give us some good news. Tell us Miss Maria's come home.

I'm sorry. There's no sign of her,

and the Rupert's Arms sent a car to the station, but your guardian wasn't on the train.

- Hasn't she telephoned? - No, she hasn't.

I rang her brother's number in London, and they said she'd left to catch the train,

so they didn't know where she could be.

The trains get all upset at Christmas time, and in weather like this...

Yes... With all the snow, maybe the train couldn't get through,

and she had to come by car, and she'll be here any minute.

I do wish Maria would turn up.

Maria's quite capable of taking care of herself. Come on, Susan. Time for bed.

It's not my place, Master Kay, but do you think we should telephone the inspector?

What, the "Bloodhound of the law"?

Tomorrow morning, perhaps, if they're still not back.

- Ellen, can you make a posset? - Indeed I can.

Well, I wish you would.

(WHISPERS) She's coming!

Drink it right down, now.

- Sweet dreams. - Thank you.

(HERNE) They tell me the wolves are running.

(KAY MOANS)

(MAN) Keep your eyes peeled, Kay.

We're the wolf-guard, and the wolves are bad.

Excuse me, do you mean real wolves or men wolves?

Ah, the tricks of them.

You'll see a white-fleeced lamb peacefully feeding, getting closer and closer to you,

till, suddenly, it pounces.

It's no lamb, but two wolves under a fleecy skin.

You watch out, young Kay.

(KAY CRIES OUT)

(PETER) Are you having a nightmare, Kay?

You've been snoring like a pig.

The paper's full of the burglary at the bishop's.

- Nothing about a missing girl? - I'll go and see the inspector.

He'll tell me to leave everything to the bloodhounds of the law.

Master Kay - a telegram.

It's from my guardian.

"Trains held up by floods. Stop.

"Returned to brother's. Stop. Hope to see you tomorrow. Caroline Louisa."

Oh, that is a relief!

Funny. She usually puts "Love Caroline Louisa". Oh, well...

- Good. No need for the inspector. - What shall we do, then?

- Let's do something different. - Let's take the boat I got, sail it on the floods.

A mud-lark! Splendiferous.

(SUSAN) An aeroplane.

How odd. It's absolutely silent.

I'll bet they're after us.

No aeroplane would try to land on this soggy old ground.

(KAY) That's no ordinary plane.

(PROPELLOR SLOWS DOWN AND STOPS)

There's someone coming.

- (SUSAN) Are they after us? - Course not.

They're probably mole-catchers.

Mole-catchers don't have pistols and aeroplanes. Let's try and get to the farm.

- The mill's closer. - They'd beat us to both. Come here.

- What? - Come here!

Hold hands.

- Hurry up! Hold hands. - What on earth are you...?

(GIRLS SCREAM)

(SUSAN) Amazing! Gosh, look at that! Kay, look at your boat!

(KAY) Come on!

Come aboard!

I'll cast off.

(JEMIMA) Come on! (SUSAN) Move it, please!

(KAY) Come on, move! (JEMIMA) Come on!

(KAY) We're going faster.

(CHUBBY JOE) Where did they go?

(FOXY FACED CHARLES) You chaps stay here. Joe.

Come on. Move!

- We've done it, Kay! - Kay, look!

- No! - Do something!

- We'll sink! - Hurry up!

Hold on tight!

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