Original subtitles

♪ I am the stone The builder refused ♪

♪ I am the visual The inspiration ♪

♪ That made lady Sing the blues ♪

♪ I'm the spark That makes your idea bright ♪

♪ The same spark That lights the dark ♪

♪ So that you can know Your left from your right ♪

♪ I am the ballot in your box The bullet in the gun ♪

♪ The inner glow That lets you know ♪

♪ To call your brother sun ♪

♪ The story that just begun ♪

♪ The promise Of what's to come ♪

♪ And I'm a remain a soldier ♪

♪ Till the war is won ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ♪

♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪

Hm?

Well, let's see here.

"Riliy wuz"...

"Riliy wuz her"?

I'm afraid I don't get it.

It says, "Riley was here. "

No, it doesn't. It- It says, "Riliy wuz her. "

How you gonna tell me? I wrote it.

Oh- Oh, I'm not saying it's not good.

I- I'm just saying you could make it more clear to people

that you were here.

You're Riley, I presume?

Uh, yeah.

Hey, Riley. It sure is super to meet you.

See, there, where the "here" is all scrunched?

I ran out of room.

Well, that's why God gave houses four walls.

You see how roughing out the letters first

helped us make sure everything fit?

Yeah.

Now niggas will definitely know I was here.

But as an artist, you must ask yourself,

"Why should they care that I was here?"

Well, that's all the time we have for today.

I hope to see you again real soon.

Hm?

Hm.

Hey!

Who are you?

Hey, come back here!

It wasn't me!

It says, "Riley was here. "

Well, maybe it was another Riley.

You dropped these pictures.

And, um...

you have paint all over your hands.

Riley, graffiti is a serious crime.

Now, as the assistant district attorney,

I'd have to arrest you and send you to jail.

And you wouldn't want that, would you?

No, 'cause I remember when you got arrested that one time,

and you was cryin' 'cause you thought they were gonna rape...

Well, I don't exactly remember it happening like that.

Yeah, it did.

The way you was talkin',

they was fittin' to wear that ass out.

Okay! So we're all agreed that none of us want to go to jail.

And then there was something about a salad or something?

Yes, salads! For dinner.

They make you eat vegetables every night,

and they're not delicious... at all.

Uh, is the cop here for me or Riley?

Your brother got caught spraying graffiti on...

Wait. Why would he be here for you?

Uh, no reason.

Fine!

I knew y'all was gonna find a way to blame me for this.

Go ahead. Say hello to the bad guy.

But a white man told me to do it.

Wait a minute. What white man? What did he look like?

White.

I just assumed he was in charge.

Why?

'Cause he was white.

And just what did this white man look like?

He had a...

Who do I look like, Snitchy McRat?

I don't talk to police.

Boy, you better work your mouth.

If you gonna take me to jail, then take me to jail.

Tell the Robinsons I'll pay for all the damages.

I'm very sorry.

It won't happen again.

Man, what was up with them?

They was trippin'.

What we got to eat?

A...

belt!

Come here!

Get your little butt over here!

We all know that the images we see

can elicit strong emotional reactions.

But I've always wondered: can the images we see

do more than hurt us emotionally?

Is it possible to see something so bad

that it actually hurts you physically?

In other words,

can too much black television kill you?

You keep it up...

The idea that too much

black television can kill you

is absolutely preposterous.

I should know. I'm an expert.

Can't you tell by my accent? Hm?

Actually, in 1999,

21-year-old Shaquoia Peterson died suddenly

in the 13th hour of a 24-hour Parkers marathon on UPN.

The exact cause of death was never determined.

Shaquoia's family settled out of court

for an undisclosed amount of money.

UPN admitted no wrongdoing.

I decided I would watch nothing

but black people on TV for two weeks

to see if I suffered any adverse health effects.

I started by getting a full physical at the health office.

Well, your blood pressure is fine,

which is unusual for black people.

And your overall level of health is excellent.

These were the rules.

I was only allowed to watch TV

featuring a majority of African American performers,

commercials included.

Okay. Niggerize me.

And this is just more proof

the white man made a tragic misjudgment

when he made it legal to teach niggers to read and write.

Paint faster.

Oh, what? What? What?

You call that art? Huh?

Ain't no nigger ever been good at drawin'.

If Michelangelo had been black,

Jesus would look like George Jefferson.

Keep paintin'.

Okay, we're here.

I'll pick you up in an hour.

Granddad, I'm sorry.

I don't want art lessons.

Well, maybe if you learned to draw on paper,

you wouldn't be drawing on people's houses.

I won't draw again, ever.

I know you won't.

I picked a good teacher for you too.

Whoo, boring! And you better not fall asleep.

Now, get outta here.

It's you.

Hey, Riley.

It sure is super to see you again.

Let's get started.

And what the heck.

Let's have some mountains and some clouds.

Oh, and of course, some joyful, little trees right there.

Isn't that beautiful?

I love painting trees.

What do you like to paint, Riley...

... aside from your own name, of course?

I got in trouble 'cause of you.

I thought it was your house.

It was my mistake.

But you'll find I don't really believe in mistakes.

I believe in happy accidents.

Because you got in trouble, your granddad hired me.

And we are gonna have so much fun.

Well, Riley, I certainly don't want to keep you here

if you don't want to.

Your granddad wants to make sure.

I make you do just one drawing a day.

Then you can go.

I just gotta draw one thing?

Anything you want.

Heh-heh. Have fun.

Cool.

What?

Oh, nothing. You're free to go.

What's funny?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

I'll call your granddad and tell him you're walking home.

I wasn't really trying. I could do better if I wanted.

Oh, I'm sure.

Hey!

You ain't have to ball it up and throw it in the trash!

You know what? That's disrespectful!

Your mama should've raised you better.

I wasn't even really trying.

Mm-hm.

Wait a minute. I forgot why I came in here.

That's odd.

What are you doing on the computer?

I'm looking up art.

I swore I came in here for something.

Yeah. Throw this away.

Hey, man! That was good!

Yes, but you didn't draw this.

Yes, I did!

I don't think you did.

Uh, yeah? Then who drew it?

I did. You got this off my website.

Now, I bet you can sit down

and draw something even better than this.

Let's try.

Um, I don't feel like it.

Well, then, just do it real quick like before.

Oh, I get it. Is that how you get your kicks?

You get little kids to draw stuff

when they ain't even really tryin' that hard,

just so you can laugh?

You sick.

Finished?

No, man!

Damn, stop sweatin' me.

I mean, can I draw?

Can I put the damn lines on the pages, please? Please?

You sure can.

I'm sorry for interrupting.

Hm.

I think it's time to move to a bigger canvas.

Yeah.

So you mean you really gonna go out with me while I tag a house?

I sometimes like to paint murals.

I think they're fun.

Wow, you pretty cool.

So do you know what you want to paint?

The difference between good artists and great artists

is not how well they paint, but what they choose to paint.

I wanna paint Scarface shootin' at, like,

15 Colombian drug lords

with bitches.

That sounds really violent.

I don't like violent things.

You should take people by surprise

and do something they wouldn't expect you to do.

Hey, Riley, it's great to see you.

We'll be painting a mural tonight,

so we gotta make sure we have all our equipment.

Okay, I see paints,

flashlights...

Ooh.

And a pair of fast running shoes

for getting away from the police.

We're all set. Let's get started.

I'm a little nauseous, man.

But no serious problems yet.

Finished.

Oh, no, Riley.

You can't sign it.

If anyone finds out what we're doing,

I won't be able to teach you art anymore.

And that would make me real sad.

But how people gonna know I did it?

An artist who has done his job well

doesn't need to sign his name.

Huh?

Someone sprayed graffiti on another house?

It touches my soul.

My God.

I have to know who did this! It's... it's fantastic.

Well, I- I- I'm positive it wasn't the hooligans

who spray-painted the Robinsons' house.

Eh, uh- This is far too sophisticated.

I should know. I'm an expert.

Mm-hm.

Oh, if the Lord was here right now,

he would want you to take care of yourselves

and give the money in the basket,

so I can take care of myself.

Okay, so eight days in, and I don't know.

I feel okay, I guess.

I'm tired.

I'm supposed to be checking my blood pressure, but...

forgot how to use this thing.

Drive me a fast car.

Get to the-

I don't trust that art tutor of yours.

He seems a little strange.

I heard he was a Gulf War vet.

I don't know. He might be crazy.

Hey, did you see that painting on the Franklins' house?

Yeah.

What you think? Nice, right?

Not that I had anything to do with it.

Of course you didn't have anything to do with it.

Stevie Wonder could see

you didn't have anything to do with it.

I'm very excited about tonight, Riley.

Have you decided on what to paint?

No.

Oh, that's okay.

You'll know what to paint when the time is right.

Tonight, let's paint a picture of someone you love.

Maybe someone who's not with us anymore.

Oh, you mean like a fallen soldier?

That's exactly what I mean.

Now, the great artist shows the viewer

something beautiful about himself

that he's never seen before.

Or maybe something he'd forgotten.

If I keep practicing,

do you think I could sell my art

and make, like, millions of dollars?

Maybe.

But you'll never possess anything of greater value

than the art you sold.

Whatever, nigga. I wanna get paid.

Are you sure I can't sign this one?

I don't care if I get in trouble.

Hm, I don't think it's a good idea.

Oh, what if I use one of my aliases?

That way, they won't know it was me,

but nobody else can claim my shit.

Yeah, yeah.

Hm.

It's beautiful. ... Ol' Dirty Bastard...

Yet gangsta. I think he's trying to...

Moves me deep within. It's Jesus.

I-I-is that his signature?

It's many signatures.

I can't believe it!

How will we ever ascertain the identity of the true artist

so that we may shower him with praise and adoration?

Perhaps the bigger the signature,

the more they contributed.

No- No, I believe they're in order of importance

from top to bottom and right to left.

No, no, no. Wrong, wrong.

According to guild rules,

each credited artist, uh, must have contributed

an equal part to the total work.

Well, I'd pay a lot of money

for a painting like this in my house.

I can't believe it, man!

How niggas gonna-?

Man, how niggas gonna just come by

and just sign they name on someone else's shit

all after the fact?

Tryin' to steal my shine!

Man, that's some ol' bullshit! Damn!

You know, Riley, the moon steals its shine from the sun,

and no one ever gets the two confused.

Take it as a compliment.

Why can't niggas do them? Huh? Why niggas got to do me?

Why niggas got to ride me like a rodeo show?

Why can't they shine on they own shit?

No, man, I ain't havin' that.

Excuse me. Huh?

Excuse me. Listen, everybody.

I got an announcement to make.

Now, I know this is gonna come

as a huge surprise to everyone, but...

I'm the artist.

That's right, people. I know. Amazing, ain't it?

So young, so young.

I never heard of anything so ridiculous in all my life.

I should know.

Hey, kid, can you get out of the way?

I'm trying to take a picture.

I'm serious. I painted this.

Stop lyin', boy. Stop lyin'.

Everybody knows niggers can't paint.

Why you think all the great artists have all been white

and called "masters"?

Master Van Gogh. Master Picasso.

That- That genius that drawed that comic strip

with the talkin' penguin.

The Master Penguin-Drawer.

Boy, come here. Get over here, now.

What's going on, here? What did you do?

I painted this.

You painted this?

Yeah, right.

And I suppose Gary Coleman painted the Mona Lisa.

Hey, you know what? I painted it too.

Me too.

What did I tell you about lying? Come here.

You been looking at too much TV.

Ow! But, I- Stop lying so much!

Now that, in my expert opinion,

is an ass-whooping.

Can't you give me credit?

Stop looking at Adult Swim.

It's that damn art tutor.

He's doing it, isn't he?

Well, why can't I have painted the walls?

Why can't I be a talented artist?

Boy, you ain't even a talented vandal.

What's good, y'all?

You niggas is makin' a whole lot of noise.

Where you been?

Just, you know, chillin'.

You know, just doing my little TV-watchin' thing.

You know, doin' me.

You know when

you takin' a dookie,

and it's a dump that ain't the dookie that you wanna take,

but it's the dookie that the dookie wanna take.

It's workin' you over. Not like how you want it...

Yo, move.

You blockin' the TV, nigga.

You the boss, but the dookie doin' it where you want it-

Eh, you- You know what I'm talkin' about.

And you wished you had a baby wipe.

For God's sake, where are the damn baby wipes

when you need it?

And then your ass is just itchin'...

Hey, don't tell Granddad I left.

We got any grape soda?

Nigga, you stupid.

... do when you do when you do-

Sensing a gruesome battle ahead

over the injured ibex...

Yo, and it was like,

just like that, the experiment was, like, over.

And I ain't really get sick or nothin'.

So you're sure you want to do this?

Yes. But I need help.

Okay, let's get started.

Oh, wish we had a few more hours.

I think you got your point across just fine.

Freeze!

Run!

Go! Go!

I believe you should buckle your safety belt, Riley.

Whoa! Damn!

It's the police.

I don't really like the police very much.

Me neither.

Good. Then I'm gonna drive really fast

so we can get away from them,

if that's okay with you.

Yeah!

That's great. Hold on.

Hello?

Again?

Huh? Whose house?

I think it's time we lost these guys.

♪ When my dreams come true ♪

Hold on.

Yeah!

♪ To be any more ♪

♪ When all I am Would be alive ♪

Let's paint a picture of someone you love.

Maybe someone who's not with us anymore.

Thanks, man.

Thank you, Riley.

I had a great time painting with you.

Now, you keep on painting, and God bless.

It's so beautiful.

Thank you, boy.

Well, that's it. Out of memory.

You can start cleaning it off now.

What? But- But what-?

No buts. Start drawing on paper, and this wouldn't happen.

Nobody told you to paint all over my house

'cause you want to make a point.

This ain't Beat Street.

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