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1
00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:05,002
♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪
2
00:00:05,003 --> 00:00:06,471
♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪
3
00:00:06,472 --> 00:00:07,939
♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪
4
00:00:07,940 --> 00:00:09,741
♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪
5
00:00:09,742 --> 00:00:11,409
♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪
6
00:00:11,410 --> 00:00:12,978
♪ So that you can know
Left from right ♪
7
00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:15,047
♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪
8
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:16,581
♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪
9
00:00:16,582 --> 00:00:17,715
♪ To call your brother sun ♪
10
00:00:17,716 --> 00:00:19,016
♪ The story that just begun ♪
11
00:00:19,017 --> 00:00:20,352
♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪
12
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,754
♪ And I'm 'a remain a soldier ♪
13
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,788
♪ Till the war is won ♪
14
00:00:23,789 --> 00:00:26,391
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
15
00:00:26,392 --> 00:00:29,060
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
16
00:00:29,061 --> 00:00:31,530
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
17
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:32,898
♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪
18
00:00:38,504 --> 00:00:40,405
Man, I don't get that.
19
00:00:40,406 --> 00:00:41,440
Get what?
20
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,074
That textin' shit.
21
00:00:43,075 --> 00:00:45,109
And what's wrong
with textin'?
22
00:00:45,110 --> 00:00:46,578
You mean, aside from the fact
23
00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:49,080
that it's the stupidest
fuckin' thing in the world?
24
00:00:49,081 --> 00:00:50,982
I mean, why would anyone
in their right minds
25
00:00:50,983 --> 00:00:53,017
spend 15 minutes tryi''
to type some shit
26
00:00:53,018 --> 00:00:55,554
they could have called
and said in five seconds?
27
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:58,390
Plus, it involves typi''
with your thumbs,
28
00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,958
which I just don't
approve of.
29
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:02,794
Shit. I don't know
about you,
30
00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:04,062
but I don't have time to read
31
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,498
nothin' that a motherfucker
typed with his thumbs.
32
00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:09,033
Fun fact: nothin' typed
by someone's thumbs
33
00:01:09,034 --> 00:01:10,702
has ever been important.
34
00:01:10,703 --> 00:01:13,172
It's all just nigga
technology, anyway.
35
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:14,339
What you call it?
36
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:17,575
"Nigga technology. "
Technology for niggas.
37
00:01:17,576 --> 00:01:20,111
Only don't start trippin'
and shit, callin' me a racist.
38
00:01:20,112 --> 00:01:22,413
'Cause I don't mean nigga
in a disrespectful way.
39
00:01:22,414 --> 00:01:25,450
I-I mean it as a general term
for ignorant motherfucker.
40
00:01:25,451 --> 00:01:28,821
Anybody of any race could be
an ignorant motherfucker.
41
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:31,255
Shit, I be textin'
my ass off.
42
00:01:31,256 --> 00:01:32,724
Shit. Bitches like textin'.
43
00:01:32,725 --> 00:01:35,226
I be textin' them all the time.
Matter of fact,
44
00:01:35,227 --> 00:01:37,529
I also be textin'
my weed man too,
45
00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:39,598
'cause, you know, he don't like
to be on the phone.
46
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:40,933
So I text him.
47
00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:43,368
Case in point.
48
00:01:43,369 --> 00:01:45,370
So basically,
49
00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:46,804
nigga technology is anything
50
00:01:46,805 --> 00:01:48,406
that doesn't plug
into a printer.
51
00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:49,774
Does that plug into a printer?
52
00:01:49,775 --> 00:01:50,709
No.
53
00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:52,310
Know why?
54
00:01:52,311 --> 00:01:55,647
'Cause niggas never
have anything to print.
55
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,521
Excuse me, sirs,
56
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:04,923
would you like to buy
some candy
57
00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:08,460
to keep urban youth
off of drugs and gangs?
58
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,695
Uh, how much?
59
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:10,828
Three.
60
00:02:10,829 --> 00:02:14,166
You hear that?
I said, three.
61
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:18,903
All right, all right, all right,
we got it. Now, beat it.
62
00:02:18,904 --> 00:02:22,006
A'ight. Three guards
ain't too bad.
63
00:02:22,007 --> 00:02:24,476
Don't forget your earplugs
this time, Ed.
64
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:25,477
Let's go.
65
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,879
Hold up, my nigga.
Hold up.
66
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,882
Go time, nigga!
Let's go!
67
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:32,283
I sent that bitch
a smiley face.
68
00:02:32,284 --> 00:02:34,385
Bitches love smiley faces.
69
00:02:34,386 --> 00:02:36,555
Okay, let's roll.
70
00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:39,892
Nobody move a goddamn muscle!
71
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,394
Best start actin' like you're
a mannequin or something.
72
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:43,995
Like you wanna stand
in the window...
73
00:02:43,996 --> 00:02:45,197
Agh!
74
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:48,366
Everybody get on
the ground, now! Now!
75
00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:52,504
Nobody make a goddamn sound.
76
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:58,410
Hurry up, now!
I ain't got all day! Move it!
77
00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:00,879
♪ Who's the real thugs
Killers and gangsters♪ ♪
78
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,981
I said, let's go!
79
00:03:09,021 --> 00:03:12,190
Do you want us to
take you to the safe?
80
00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:14,359
Hm? Oh, right. Right.
81
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:17,295
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, the safe. Yeah.
82
00:03:17,296 --> 00:03:19,230
Move it! Move it!
? It's like makin' a soldier ?
83
00:03:19,231 --> 00:03:20,865
♪ Drop his weapon
Shootin' him ♪
84
00:03:20,866 --> 00:03:22,567
♪ And tellin' him
To get to steppin' ♪
85
00:03:22,568 --> 00:03:25,770
♪ Obviously, they came
To portion up his fortune ♪
86
00:03:25,771 --> 00:03:29,441
♪ Sounds to me like
That old robbery-extortion ♪
87
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:31,042
Hurry up!
88
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:32,110
Come on!
89
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:33,779
♪ You can't reform 'em ♪
90
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,516
Twenty-two minutes.
91
00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:39,684
We suck.
We fuckin' suck, man.
92
00:03:39,685 --> 00:03:41,986
And I forgot to ask
for the money again.
93
00:03:41,987 --> 00:03:44,122
I always forget to ask
for the money.
94
00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:47,292
I don't think
22 minutes is so bad.
95
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,693
Not so bad?
96
00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:50,795
That's a whole episode
of Seinfeld.
97
00:03:50,796 --> 00:03:53,731
It takes us a whole episode
of Sein-fuckin'- feld
98
00:03:53,732 --> 00:03:54,800
to rob a bank!
99
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:56,868
Stop being a perfectionist.
100
00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,102
Ed, we both know
101
00:03:58,103 --> 00:04:00,071
if your grandfather
didn't own this bank,
102
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:02,474
we'd never have gotten away
with this shit.
103
00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,943
Shut up, Riley!
Rummy, you the man.
104
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:07,412
Excuse me. But will you
be needing anything else
105
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:09,481
from me today,
Mr. Wuncler, sir?
106
00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:11,817
Nah, you can go on
and take the bags back in.
107
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,685
Thank you, sir.
And for what it's worth,
108
00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:16,087
I thought you all did very well.
109
00:04:16,088 --> 00:04:19,024
See? An unbiased
opinion.
110
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:22,127
So you honestly think that
was a well-executed robbery?
111
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:24,129
I sure do.
112
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:26,698
And you wouldn't just be saying
that 'cause I got a loaded gun
113
00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:27,899
pointin' at you, would ya?
114
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:30,535
'Cause we need honest
feedback, for real.
115
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:32,738
No, sir. I would not.
116
00:04:39,545 --> 00:04:42,315
That's bullshit.
We fuckin' suck, man.
117
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:46,151
The life of a black hero
118
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:48,653
has never been
for the meek of heart.
119
00:04:48,654 --> 00:04:51,956
You will not
get out of here alive!
120
00:04:51,957 --> 00:04:53,225
Do you hear me?
121
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,798
I'm goin' to Ed's house!
122
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,333
And I said, no!
123
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:05,904
Aagh!
Ugh-ugh!
124
00:05:13,612 --> 00:05:14,713
Ugh!
125
00:05:20,719 --> 00:05:22,187
You little bitch!
126
00:05:42,775 --> 00:05:44,443
Ugh! Agh!
127
00:05:48,647 --> 00:05:49,581
Uh-oh.
128
00:05:53,052 --> 00:05:54,086
Ow!
129
00:06:00,225 --> 00:06:02,094
Boys!
130
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,328
What the hell?
131
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:05,363
I ain't doing nothin',
Granddad.
132
00:06:05,364 --> 00:06:07,532
I was just gonna go
to Ed's house,
133
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,936
and Huey said I couldn't go
'cause he a hater.
134
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:13,037
What the hell is wrong
with you, Huey?
135
00:06:13,038 --> 00:06:15,740
If your brother wants to play
with Ed and Rummy,
136
00:06:15,741 --> 00:06:16,775
that's his business.
137
00:06:16,776 --> 00:06:18,709
Granddad...
138
00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:20,778
Ed and Rummy are
international criminals.
139
00:06:20,779 --> 00:06:22,948
There he go, hatin' again.
140
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,215
Boys, stop hatin'!
141
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:26,017
What about the time
when Riley and Ed
142
00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:27,786
were playing
with a loaded shotgun,
143
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:30,890
and Riley shot Ed out of
a second-story window?
144
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:33,926
Huaagh!
145
00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:36,894
Ohhh.
146
00:06:36,895 --> 00:06:38,930
That did happen, didn't it?
147
00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:42,767
Okay. So just 'cause Ed believes
in his Second Amendment right
148
00:06:42,768 --> 00:06:44,769
to bear arms,
we can't be friends?
149
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:47,139
What you got against
the Bill of Rights, Huey?
150
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,307
Okay. How 'bout the time
they stopped for gas
151
00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:51,043
and ended up robbin'
the mini-mart?
152
00:06:52,778 --> 00:06:54,279
Agh.
153
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,114
They was fighting terrorism.
154
00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:59,517
Makin' the world safe for the
freedoms that we enjoy today.
155
00:06:59,518 --> 00:07:02,787
That's messed up. You don't
support the troops, Huey.
156
00:07:02,788 --> 00:07:04,923
That is kind of
messed up, Huey.
157
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,525
Be back by dinner.
158
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,126
Ha!
159
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,231
I'm just sayin'
we can do better.
160
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:15,066
We're not realizing
our potential.
161
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:16,835
This is some bullshit.
162
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:17,836
The game cheatin'!
163
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,671
Nigga, the game ain't cheatin'.
164
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,039
Start the game over.
165
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,774
Why you always gotta cheat
when you lose, Ed?
166
00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:25,376
Let him have it.
167
00:07:25,377 --> 00:07:28,247
It's not wise to upset
a Wuncler.
168
00:07:34,286 --> 00:07:36,255
Restart the game now!
169
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:42,360
And Oprah fans get ready.
170
00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:45,296
The queen of daytime talk
will be in the Woodcrest area
171
00:07:45,297 --> 00:07:47,098
tomorrow for a book signing,
172
00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:49,534
before taping her show
the following evening.
173
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:53,337
Hundreds of Oprah faithfuls
have been camping out
174
00:07:53,338 --> 00:07:55,139
for days in anticipation.
175
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:57,107
I just think she is-
176
00:07:57,108 --> 00:07:59,678
She is
the most wonderful spirit.
177
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:02,446
I just don't know what
I would do without her.
178
00:08:02,447 --> 00:08:04,616
Oh, snap!
179
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:06,985
What if we kidnap Oprah?
180
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,053
And do what?
181
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:10,655
Control of Oprah
is control over women.
182
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,991
Wait. I see where
you're goin'.
183
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,760
See, 'cause, like,
control over women
184
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:18,462
is control over bitches.
185
00:08:18,463 --> 00:08:20,498
Oprah Winfrey
taps directly into
186
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:21,866
the emotions, beliefs,
187
00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:23,834
buying habits
and summer reading patterns
188
00:08:23,835 --> 00:08:26,204
of billions of women
all over the world.
189
00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:28,806
Oprah Winfrey has the power
to lay waste
190
00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:32,110
to an entire industry
with a mere utterance.
191
00:08:32,111 --> 00:08:34,345
She's a completely invincible,
192
00:08:34,346 --> 00:08:36,314
unstoppable force of nature.
193
00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:41,019
And with her under our control,
nobody will be able to stop us.
194
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:44,756
Who's trying to stop you?
Nobody ever tries to stop you.
195
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:45,857
Yes, they do.
196
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,424
No, they don't.
197
00:08:47,425 --> 00:08:49,927
Hey, just because we don't know
anyone tryin' to stop us,
198
00:08:49,928 --> 00:08:52,196
don't mean ain't nobody
out there tryin' to stop us.
199
00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:55,533
The absence of evidence is
not the evidence of absence.
200
00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:57,234
Seems to me like everyone
201
00:08:57,235 --> 00:08:59,036
just let's y'all
do whatever you want.
202
00:08:59,037 --> 00:09:00,705
That's why y'all
always get away.
203
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:04,375
We get away because
I'm a criminal mastermind.
204
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:06,111
Whatever, nigga.
205
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,879
Get ready.
206
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,447
We get her at the bookstore.
207
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:11,216
We gonna need some
video surveillance.
208
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:14,419
And we gonna need
advanced communication.
209
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:17,088
Two-way pagers
for everybody.
210
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:18,290
Yeah!
211
00:09:20,759 --> 00:09:23,160
Whatever you guys
are plannin',
212
00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,762
you're not gettin' away
with it.
213
00:09:24,763 --> 00:09:26,998
Nobody can stop Ed and Rummy.
214
00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:28,532
Maybe not.
215
00:09:28,533 --> 00:09:30,268
But if I catch you with 'em,
216
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:31,670
I'm gonna take you down.
217
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:34,339
Unless I take you down first.
218
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:36,774
"Unless I
take you down first. "
219
00:09:36,775 --> 00:09:38,009
Is that the best you can do?
220
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,511
Shut up, punk.
221
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,881
I just saw- I
saw a glimpse of her.
222
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:44,050
Oh, my God.
She's in there.
223
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:48,252
Oh, she looks fantastic.
224
00:09:48,253 --> 00:09:49,354
Okay.
225
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:52,957
There's two guards
by the front door.
226
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,963
Another on the east wall.
227
00:09:58,964 --> 00:10:00,665
Well, excuse me
228
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:03,968
for being into computers
and shit, all right?
229
00:10:03,969 --> 00:10:05,602
First of all, motherfucker,
230
00:10:05,603 --> 00:10:07,338
just because you put
a two-way pager
231
00:10:07,339 --> 00:10:08,773
in the middle of your desk,
232
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,474
don't make it a computer.
233
00:10:10,475 --> 00:10:12,376
It's a two-way pager,
all right?
234
00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:14,545
Okay. Then what's
the difference?
235
00:10:14,546 --> 00:10:16,514
The difference is
a computer is something
236
00:10:16,515 --> 00:10:17,949
that does actual work.
237
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,918
Nigga technology don't do much
more than let dumb niggas
238
00:10:20,919 --> 00:10:22,387
talk to other dumb niggas
239
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,622
about dumb-nigga shit.
240
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:25,957
She even smells good.
241
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,427
Hey. I see Oprah.
242
00:10:30,162 --> 00:10:33,798
Okay, her security
just left her alone. Go.
243
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,367
Let's roll.
244
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,339
♪ How Doom hold heat
And preach non-violence ♪
245
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:43,641
♪ Shh, he about to start
The speech, come on, silence ♪
246
00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:45,810
♪ On one scary night
I saw the light ♪
247
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,278
Oh!
248
00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:49,147
♪ Heard a voice that sound
Like Barry White ♪
249
00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:51,216
Get down!
250
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,984
Everybody get down, now!
251
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,218
♪ Fly a kite in a firefight ♪
252
00:10:54,219 --> 00:10:56,086
♪ During tornado time
With no coat ♪
253
00:10:56,087 --> 00:10:58,223
Where's Oprah?
254
00:10:58,224 --> 00:10:59,891
Well? Where she at?
255
00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:02,693
Where's Oprah?
256
00:11:02,694 --> 00:11:04,929
I'm gonna start bustin'
some caps in some ass.
257
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,864
Where's Oprah, punk?
258
00:11:09,034 --> 00:11:10,467
Kee-yah, bitch!
259
00:11:10,468 --> 00:11:12,804
Don't look.
Just tell me where that bitch is!
260
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:14,239
Somebody needs to tell me
261
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,607
where Oprah is
on the count of three, or...
262
00:11:16,608 --> 00:11:20,312
Or- Or I'm gonna kill
the oldest bitch up in here!
263
00:11:22,781 --> 00:11:24,282
That's real fucked up, Agnes.
264
00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,883
I found her!
265
00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:27,618
No! Help me!
266
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:32,623
Body Snatcher Three
to Body Snatcher Two,
267
00:11:32,624 --> 00:11:33,558
where are you?
268
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:34,758
We're in the bookstore.
269
00:11:34,759 --> 00:11:36,460
We're about to extract
the package.
270
00:11:36,461 --> 00:11:37,729
What bookstore?
271
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:40,298
The Borders next to Starbucks.
272
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:42,267
No, it's the Barnes & Noble
273
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:43,969
next to The Coffee Bean.
274
00:11:46,371 --> 00:11:47,771
Kee-yah, bitch!
275
00:11:47,772 --> 00:11:49,741
♪ Uh, yeah, now ♪
276
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:52,543
♪ How Med hold heat
Like Clint East is reborn ♪
277
00:11:52,544 --> 00:11:54,145
Rummy, wait!
278
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:56,614
That's not Oprah! Hello?
279
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:57,616
Damn it.
280
00:11:58,550 --> 00:11:59,951
Body Snatcher Two
281
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,585
to Body Snatcher Three,
you read me?
282
00:12:02,754 --> 00:12:04,722
Hey. Kick me again-
Oh! Goddamn it.
283
00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:06,858
I'm gonna bust your ass.
284
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:08,392
"Dear Ed...
285
00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:12,329
"that... is not... Oprah.
286
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:13,465
Riley. "
287
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:16,400
Yo, Rummy. Riley said
that ain't Oprah.
288
00:12:16,401 --> 00:12:18,436
What? Well, then
who the hell is she?
289
00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:19,737
Oh! Goddamn it!
290
00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:21,105
It's, uh,
291
00:12:21,106 --> 00:12:23,641
"Maya... Angelou. "
292
00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:26,045
Maya "And I rise" Angelou?
293
00:12:27,112 --> 00:12:28,813
Mm-hm.
294
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,921
I am so mad at you. Hmph!
295
00:12:40,558 --> 00:12:42,160
This was the scene today
296
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:43,961
at the Woodcrest
Borders bookstore,
297
00:12:43,962 --> 00:12:45,663
where two unknown assailants
298
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:48,900
kidnapped Maya Angelou
during a book signing.
299
00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:50,434
It was all Rummy's fault!
300
00:12:50,435 --> 00:12:52,670
Ed ran into the wrong store.
I was followin' Ed.
301
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:55,306
How was I supposed to know
which bookstore to go into?
302
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:57,975
They look exactly the same,
and they both got books.
303
00:12:57,976 --> 00:13:00,678
There was a giant crowd
of people outside of one.
304
00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:02,280
That don't mean
Oprah was in there.
305
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:05,616
There was a large sign outside
that said, "Welcome Oprah. "
306
00:13:05,617 --> 00:13:08,186
Y'all are lucky Ed's grandfather
owns the cops.
307
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:10,921
Just what are you tryin'
to imply?
308
00:13:10,922 --> 00:13:13,090
Look, we escaped capture
309
00:13:13,091 --> 00:13:16,127
because of planning,
teamwork and execution.
310
00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:20,031
This officer wanted
to see you,
311
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,000
Mr. Wuncler, sir.
312
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:25,904
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Wuncler,
I-I just...
313
00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:28,573
Well, y- You dropped
this today at the bookstore
314
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:31,009
during the- Y-you know.
The unpleasant, uh...
315
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,813
Th- Thank you, Mr. Wuncler,
sir. Thank you.
316
00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:37,749
Uh, I'm so sorry
to disturb you.
317
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,350
I- I hope you're
not upset with me.
318
00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:41,219
Why don't we just get
Oprah tomorrow?
319
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,054
Anybody know where
they're taping?
320
00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:46,558
Maybe we could
try and find out?
321
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,426
I'm down with that.
322
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:51,161
Oh. This is beautiful.
323
00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:53,263
It's like we back again.
324
00:13:53,264 --> 00:13:55,733
Hey, man, look, I'm sorry.
You know, uh,
325
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:58,435
sometimes I just let my emotions
get the best of me.
326
00:13:58,436 --> 00:14:00,237
No, no, no, no, I understand.
327
00:14:00,238 --> 00:14:02,339
You passionate
about what you're doin'.
328
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:05,042
I just wish you'd be a little
more sensitive to my feelings.
329
00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:07,011
It was my fault, man.
330
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:10,447
No, no, no, it was my fault
for grabbing...
331
00:14:10,448 --> 00:14:12,817
the poet triumvirate,
whatever her name...
332
00:14:12,818 --> 00:14:14,186
Maya- Maya.
333
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:19,991
Y'all niggas are gay.
334
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:24,262
Hey, why y'all
leave me out here?
335
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:25,763
One of y'all motherfuckers
336
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,632
better come out here
and get me, I know that.
337
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:30,634
Or you will be living
in a haunted house tonight.
338
00:14:30,635 --> 00:14:31,970
Swim, bitch!
339
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,939
Now, this is the studio where
they be taping the show.
340
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:37,909
What we need to worry about is
Oprah's personal security team.
341
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:39,844
Do we have any intel on that?
342
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:41,645
Any what?
Intel.
343
00:14:41,646 --> 00:14:44,115
Intelligence, nigga.
Keep up.
344
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:46,351
The bookstore security footage.
345
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,552
Help!
346
00:14:50,622 --> 00:14:52,957
Whoa. Bushido Brown.
347
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:54,091
Aw, damn,
348
00:14:54,092 --> 00:14:55,426
I was afraid of this.
349
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:56,728
Who's Bushido Brown?
350
00:14:56,729 --> 00:15:00,063
A bona fide bad motherfucker,
that's who.
351
00:15:00,064 --> 00:15:01,965
You remember when Oprah
made them comments
352
00:15:01,966 --> 00:15:03,668
about the beef industry?
No.
353
00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:05,702
Okay. Well, a few years back,
354
00:15:05,703 --> 00:15:07,571
Oprah said some shit
on her show about beef.
355
00:15:07,572 --> 00:15:09,440
You know, mad cow disease,
or some shit.
356
00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:13,144
Anyway, the beef industry didn't
exactly find that shit amusing.
357
00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:15,446
They thought they would send
a crew of armed Texans
358
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,381
to go teach Oprah a lesson.
359
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,851
Ex-Marines, ex-Texas Rangers,
360
00:15:20,852 --> 00:15:22,320
rogues, that kind of shit.
361
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,656
But Oprah hired Bushido Brown
362
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,457
as her personal bodyguard.
363
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,460
Come on.
Come on, Jay-Z.
364
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:34,665
We got him.
365
00:15:36,968 --> 00:15:38,202
Apparently,
366
00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:40,271
only one dude was able
to actually lay a hand
367
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,439
on Oprah's office door.
368
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,840
Yahhh!
369
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:44,074
They say...
370
00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:46,444
Bushido Brown kept that hand.
371
00:15:48,613 --> 00:15:50,381
I think I just shit myself.
372
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:52,350
No, no.
373
00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:54,385
We can't just stroll up
in there
374
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:56,587
if Bushido Brown is there.
375
00:15:56,588 --> 00:15:58,556
We need a plan.
376
00:15:58,557 --> 00:15:59,890
And, um...
377
00:15:59,891 --> 00:16:01,993
go change your pants.
378
00:16:01,994 --> 00:16:03,895
Pretty strange, huh?
379
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:07,631
Armed gunmen assault
a bookstore
380
00:16:07,632 --> 00:16:10,034
to kidnap Maya Angelou.
381
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,103
Hey, I heard she had enemies.
382
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:15,072
Even stranger, Oprah Winfrey
383
00:16:15,073 --> 00:16:17,542
was right across the street
when it happened.
384
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:20,712
I don't know anything about
no plot to kidnap nobody.
385
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:23,881
So Ed and Rummy do have
a plan to kidnap Oprah.
386
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,800
Damn.
387
00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:55,446
I call it the Black Power Fist.
388
00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:58,516
The Black Power Fist
is actually a stun glove
389
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,019
that I made with instructions
I found on the Internet.
390
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,720
It delivers
thousands of volts
391
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:04,922
of imperialism-stopping
electricity
392
00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,591
without the need
of superpowers
393
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,426
or secret alien technology.
394
00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:11,595
And it's inexpensive enough
to fit well within
395
00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:14,566
even the most frugal
revolutionary's defense budget.
396
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:29,447
Okay, so we're gonna enter
at the rear service entrance.
397
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,782
They'd never expect us
to go through there,
398
00:17:31,783 --> 00:17:33,184
because it's in back.
399
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,619
Whoa. Hm.
400
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:37,921
Didn't think
they'd put guards there.
401
00:17:37,922 --> 00:17:39,457
They really covered
their bases.
402
00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:41,992
So that's it?
That's the plan?
403
00:17:41,993 --> 00:17:43,461
Now what?
404
00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:45,863
I didn't think they'd think
to put guards at the rear.
405
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:47,465
That was a unknown unknown.
406
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:51,368
It was a bad plan.
You plan things badly.
407
00:17:51,369 --> 00:17:52,838
Isn't this your brother?
408
00:17:58,644 --> 00:17:59,843
What's he doin' here?
409
00:17:59,844 --> 00:18:01,678
He's tryin' to stop you.
410
00:18:01,679 --> 00:18:02,679
Really?
411
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,649
Why? What we ever
do to him?
412
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,418
Sound like a hater to me.
413
00:18:06,884 --> 00:18:08,252
Hello?
414
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:11,588
Yes. There's a little boy coming
right now to hurt Oprah.
415
00:18:11,589 --> 00:18:14,959
He's got a big stupid afro
and a very poor disposition.
416
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,894
He's on the east side
of the building.
417
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:18,030
A'ight, peace.
418
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:21,932
Okay, we're on the move.
419
00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:23,768
Let's go.
420
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:29,406
All right, the game's up.
It's over.
421
00:18:29,407 --> 00:18:31,242
You're not going anywhere.
It's all right.
422
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:36,747
Oprah's in danger.
423
00:18:36,748 --> 00:18:38,949
Not while I'm here.
424
00:18:38,950 --> 00:18:40,718
I have to get into
that studio,
425
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:42,520
even if it means
goin' through you.
426
00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:45,724
Man, you come straight
out of a comic strip.
427
00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:53,997
♪ So nasty that it's probably
Somewhat of a travesty ♪
428
00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:57,935
♪ You can call me
"Your Majesty" ♪
429
00:18:57,936 --> 00:18:59,570
Uh!
430
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,972
Hooo...
431
00:19:01,973 --> 00:19:02,974
ya!
432
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,043
All right.
No running in here.
433
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:07,045
Aagh!
434
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:11,382
♪ And you know I know
That's a bunch of snow ♪
435
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,019
Yaaa... hoo!
436
00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:18,623
Why me?
437
00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:20,458
♪ Sometimes he rhyme slow
And vice versa ♪
438
00:19:20,459 --> 00:19:22,893
♪ Whip up a slice
Of nice verse pie ♪
439
00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:27,565
Huh?
440
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:32,002
Okay, Oprah's dressing room
should be up here
441
00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:33,238
and to the left.
Let's go.
442
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,146
Aah!
443
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,417
Ugh! Ugh! Wha-?
444
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:52,490
Agh!
445
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:56,159
Say what?
446
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,495
Intruders in the studio?
447
00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:59,196
I am on my way.
448
00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:01,265
Let's go.
I'm comin'.
449
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:03,267
Kee-yah, bitch!
450
00:20:04,301 --> 00:20:05,969
Pull up your pants,
451
00:20:05,970 --> 00:20:08,306
you little ghetto hooligan.
452
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,308
Damn. Is that
who I think it is?
453
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:14,245
This ain't Oprah.
It's Bill Cosby.
454
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:15,980
I guess we were supposed to
take a left.
455
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:17,748
What's the matter with you?
456
00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:20,117
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
457
00:20:20,118 --> 00:20:21,485
Kicking in the doors
458
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:23,988
with the big boots
and the guns.
459
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:26,690
Damn, Rummy. I'm sick
of playing with y'all.
460
00:20:26,691 --> 00:20:28,492
Y'all two are pathetic.
461
00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:31,062
Hey, in Iraq we was in
Special Ops.
462
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,864
Y'all niggas should have been
in the Special Olympics.
463
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,166
I'm goin' home.
464
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:38,702
Oh, come on, man. Look,
we'll kidnap Bill Cosby.
465
00:20:38,703 --> 00:20:40,071
It'll still be fun.
466
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,005
Yeah, man, it's only 4:00.
467
00:20:42,006 --> 00:20:44,175
Come on. We can write
the ransom note together.
468
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:47,345
I don't think so, guys.
I gotta get home for dinner.
469
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,513
Later. COSBY:...
with their parents...
470
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:51,181
Don't listen to him,
he's just a hater.
471
00:20:51,182 --> 00:20:52,582
You a good planner.
472
00:20:52,583 --> 00:20:56,286
Look, you about to
kidnap Bill Cosby.
473
00:20:56,287 --> 00:20:57,988
How many motherfuckers
can say
474
00:20:57,989 --> 00:21:00,157
that they did some shit
like that, huh?
475
00:21:00,158 --> 00:21:03,260
You gotta start lookin'
at the bright side.
476
00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:05,729
Yeah. Sure
you're right.
477
00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,631
I am a pretty good
planner, huh?
478
00:21:07,632 --> 00:21:09,699
And y'all niggas are gay.
479
00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:12,536
-To the wall. I...
480
00:21:12,537 --> 00:21:14,705
You know, I just-
Oh, no.
481
00:21:14,706 --> 00:21:17,541
Man. This- This reminds me
of when I...
482
00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:20,178
Ed and Rummy
kidnapped Bill Cosby.
483
00:21:23,915 --> 00:21:25,315
But he was really annoying,
484
00:21:25,316 --> 00:21:27,518
so they returned him
to the studio 15 minutes later.
485
00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:29,953
I'm upset with you
for comin' in here...
486
00:21:29,954 --> 00:21:33,390
As usual, nobody even
thought about stopping them.
487
00:21:33,391 --> 00:21:35,092
What the fuck
y'all lookin' at?
488
00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:38,562
Riley had gotten away,
but returned
489
00:21:38,563 --> 00:21:40,464
several hours later
when he realized
490
00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:42,900
he had dropped
his two-way pager.
491
00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:48,772
Okay, okay, okay.
492
00:21:48,773 --> 00:21:51,809
Let me explain.
493
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,911
You must have lost your mind!
Ow! Oh! Ow!
494
00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:55,646
You do not-
Hey, man! Just let me- Ow!
495
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,648
-kidnap Oprah!
496
00:21:57,698 --> 00:22:02,248
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