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♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪
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00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,404
♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪
3
00:00:06,405 --> 00:00:07,872
♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪
4
00:00:07,873 --> 00:00:09,774
♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪
5
00:00:09,775 --> 00:00:11,376
♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪
6
00:00:11,377 --> 00:00:13,378
♪ So that you can know
Your left from your right ♪
7
00:00:13,379 --> 00:00:15,414
♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪
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00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:16,948
♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪
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00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:18,050
♪ To call your brother sun ♪
10
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:19,351
♪ The story that just begun ♪
11
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:20,752
♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪
12
00:00:20,753 --> 00:00:21,919
♪ And I'm a remain a soldier ♪
13
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:23,855
♪ Till the war is won ♪
14
00:00:23,856 --> 00:00:26,491
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
15
00:00:26,492 --> 00:00:29,161
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
16
00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:31,796
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
17
00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:32,899
♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪
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00:00:33,832 --> 00:00:34,900
Okay.
19
00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:37,502
So tell us a little bit
about yourself.
20
00:00:37,503 --> 00:00:41,806
I'm the founder of 23 different
radical leftist organizations,
21
00:00:41,807 --> 00:00:44,943
including the Africans Fighting
Racism and Oppression,
22
00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:47,513
or AFRO, if you will,
23
00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:51,516
uh, the Black Revolutionary
Organization, or BRO,
24
00:00:51,517 --> 00:00:52,717
uh...
25
00:00:52,718 --> 00:00:53,852
Yeah, sure.
26
00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:54,919
People tell me.
27
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,554
I look like
Bill Cosby all the time...
28
00:00:56,555 --> 00:00:58,089
I mean, excuse me...
29
00:00:58,090 --> 00:01:00,025
Dr. Bill Cosby.
30
00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:02,794
Especially when I wear
these sunglasses.
31
00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:05,597
Yeah. Yeah,
my name is Riley, son.
32
00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:06,898
But, you know, niggas call me
33
00:01:06,899 --> 00:01:09,267
a. K.a. Riley Escobar.
34
00:01:09,268 --> 00:01:10,435
You know what I'm saying?
35
00:01:10,436 --> 00:01:12,471
'Cause I be in the streets,
you know?
36
00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:15,440
I got all kinds of names,
like H.R. Paperstacks,
37
00:01:15,441 --> 00:01:18,743
uh, also known as,
a. K.a. Horse Choker.
38
00:01:18,744 --> 00:01:19,945
Uh...
39
00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:23,581
And also the Black Revolutionary
Underground Heroes.
40
00:01:23,582 --> 00:01:24,883
Um...
41
00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:25,918
BRUH?
42
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,519
Yeah, BRUH.
43
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,221
A.k. a. Pillsbury Doughboy.
44
00:01:30,222 --> 00:01:32,791
A.k. a. Louis Rich.
45
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:34,192
Like the turkey bacon?
46
00:01:34,193 --> 00:01:36,361
Yeah, like the-
What?
47
00:01:36,362 --> 00:01:37,862
So like I was saying,
48
00:01:37,863 --> 00:01:39,697
I've always believed
that Cosbyness
49
00:01:39,698 --> 00:01:41,867
is next to godliness.
50
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:44,769
So my granddad's wearing
his Bill Cosby shades,
51
00:01:44,770 --> 00:01:47,538
and I'm like,
"This nigga look blind. "
52
00:01:47,539 --> 00:01:50,776
And then I thought,
"Boom, I got an idea.
53
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,544
I know how we can get
this money. "
54
00:01:52,545 --> 00:01:54,012
And I made a tape.
55
00:01:58,017 --> 00:02:01,186
Dear Xzibit,
my name is Riley Freeman.
56
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:04,122
If my granddad
has one weakness,
57
00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:06,391
it's bitches.
58
00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:08,694
He's been a lonely man
59
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,128
ever since he had
a bleach fight
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00:02:10,129 --> 00:02:13,132
with his first wife
and went blind.
61
00:02:16,702 --> 00:02:19,704
All he's got in this world
is his car, Dorothy.
62
00:02:19,705 --> 00:02:21,172
The car's in pretty bad shape.
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00:02:21,173 --> 00:02:24,342
And everyone knows
that bitches don't really check
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00:02:24,343 --> 00:02:27,246
for niggas with beat-up cars.
65
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,248
I'm Robert Freeman's driver.
66
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:31,983
And I'm tired of driving
this piece-of-shit car he got.
67
00:02:31,984 --> 00:02:33,318
Give him somethin' better.
68
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,586
But maybe if he had a nicer car,
69
00:02:35,587 --> 00:02:37,656
he might be able to get a date,
70
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,824
and not have to pay for it.
71
00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:43,194
Please, Xzibit.
72
00:02:43,195 --> 00:02:44,530
Oh, hold up, hold up.
73
00:02:49,268 --> 00:02:52,938
Please, Xzibit, pimp my ride.
74
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:55,106
For my grandfather.
75
00:02:55,107 --> 00:02:56,440
For 9/11.
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00:02:58,711 --> 00:03:00,845
For America.
77
00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:03,615
What's up, y'all?
This X-to-the-Z, Xzibit,
78
00:03:03,616 --> 00:03:05,784
and we here at the house
of Riley Freeman.
79
00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:06,785
And we about to pimp
80
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:08,921
his grandfather's car, Dorothy.
81
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:12,590
As you can see,
Dorothy is way past her prime.
82
00:03:12,591 --> 00:03:14,859
I mean, look at the paint job.
83
00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:17,395
This car look like
it need some lotion.
84
00:03:20,566 --> 00:03:23,068
Oh, snap.
It's Xzibit.
85
00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:24,502
Yeah, nigga, yeah.
86
00:03:24,503 --> 00:03:25,603
What up, homey?
87
00:03:25,604 --> 00:03:27,272
I'm here to pimp your ride.
88
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,141
Who the hell
is that at the door?
89
00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:31,543
Shh.
90
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,478
Come here. Hurry up.
91
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:34,579
Stay down.
92
00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:37,349
Yo. Why are we hiding?
93
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:38,283
Are you kidding?
94
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,617
If he comes out here
and finds
95
00:03:39,618 --> 00:03:41,252
his favorite rapper, Xzibit,
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00:03:41,253 --> 00:03:42,654
fixing to pimp his ride,
97
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:43,956
he'll have a heart attack.
98
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,056
For real?
99
00:03:45,057 --> 00:03:46,725
I'm his favorite rapper?
100
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,626
Man loves your whole catalog.
101
00:03:48,627 --> 00:03:49,994
But now y'all gotta
get the hell
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00:03:49,995 --> 00:03:51,763
up out of here
before he finds you.
103
00:03:51,764 --> 00:03:54,466
And I want some,
uh, 23-inch rims,
104
00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,834
and, uh, uh-
And I want five televisions.
105
00:03:56,835 --> 00:03:58,403
And I want a toilet seat
in the trunk.
106
00:03:58,404 --> 00:03:59,470
Hey, man, we just doing...
107
00:03:59,471 --> 00:04:00,572
Get the hell out of here!
108
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:01,706
You ain't stealing
my-!
109
00:04:01,707 --> 00:04:02,941
Hey, man!
Hey, hold on! Hey!
110
00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:04,809
Get out!
Stop, Granddad! Stop!
111
00:04:05,811 --> 00:04:06,811
Stop, Granddad!
112
00:04:06,812 --> 00:04:08,346
Yo, just-!
Come on, man!
113
00:04:08,347 --> 00:04:10,282
Goddamn.
114
00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:18,456
Dude, you got fucked up
by that old-ass man.
115
00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:24,296
Oh, look at the wheels.
Oh, my God!
116
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:26,365
Oh, my goodness.
117
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:29,934
See, you too could have
a TV in the steering wheel.
118
00:04:29,935 --> 00:04:32,303
Boy, Dorothy isn't just a car.
119
00:04:32,304 --> 00:04:35,240
I've loved and cared
for that vehicle for 30 years.
120
00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:36,708
You think I'm let
some damn rapper
121
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,710
put a goldfish
in the dashboard?
122
00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:41,479
Ho's love goldfish, Granddad.
123
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,481
You two need your own sitcom.
124
00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:46,551
All you gotta do is get
on TV with a sob story,
125
00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:48,286
and people give you
free stuff.
126
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:49,888
I still ain't gonna lie
to nobody.
127
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:51,957
If there's one thing
that I can't stand,
128
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,091
it's lying.
129
00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:54,559
I'm a Christian man.
130
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:55,793
You ain't gots to lie.
131
00:04:55,794 --> 00:04:58,096
I'll lie.
Just play along.
132
00:04:58,997 --> 00:05:00,464
They gonna fix my transmission?
133
00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:06,838
Gentlemen,
134
00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,775
I'm sorry
about the misunderstanding.
135
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:12,943
And, now,
w-w-where's that boy?
136
00:05:12,944 --> 00:05:15,180
What's his name?
Inhibit?
137
00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:17,282
The whole catalog, huh?
138
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,321
Now, y'all gonna
fix my transmission, right?
139
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:31,062
The tooth fairy
will be coming soon.
140
00:05:31,063 --> 00:05:32,997
The tooth fairy?
Yep.
141
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:34,498
Every time I lose a tooth,
142
00:05:34,499 --> 00:05:36,200
the tooth fairy takes it away
143
00:05:36,201 --> 00:05:38,270
and leaves a dollar
under my pillow.
144
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:41,039
There ain't no such thing
as the tooth fairy.
145
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,540
Then who's leaving the money?
146
00:05:42,541 --> 00:05:43,975
Probably your parents.
147
00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:46,912
They have both the cash
and the access to your room.
148
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,513
Why would they lie to me?
149
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,348
Because the truth hurts,
Jazmine.
150
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:52,484
The world is a hard
and lonely place,
151
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:55,053
and nobody gets anything
for free.
152
00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:56,688
And you wanna know what else?
153
00:05:56,689 --> 00:06:00,592
One day, you and everyone
you know is gonna die.
154
00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:11,802
You enjoy
155
00:06:11,803 --> 00:06:13,772
abusing people's illusions.
156
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:15,907
I respect that.
157
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:18,511
It's thankless work.
158
00:06:19,578 --> 00:06:21,480
Do you like my sunglasses?
159
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:24,281
I wear sunglasses
because my idol, Dr. Bill Cosby,
160
00:06:24,282 --> 00:06:26,751
wears sunglasses all the time.
161
00:06:26,752 --> 00:06:27,986
And you know what they say:
162
00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:30,088
"Cosbyness is
next to godliness. "
163
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:31,156
Who are you?
164
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:32,690
Nobody, really.
165
00:06:32,691 --> 00:06:34,159
Just thought you might
wanna talk
166
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,195
to someone who understands.
167
00:06:37,062 --> 00:06:38,663
You don't know me.
168
00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:41,900
I know you better
than you think, Huey Freeman.
169
00:06:49,007 --> 00:06:51,476
It's not that I
don't believe you, Huey.
170
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:52,744
It's that I don't believe you,
171
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,146
and I'm not interested.
172
00:06:55,147 --> 00:06:56,648
But, Granddad,
I am being followed
173
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:58,183
by a secret government agent.
174
00:06:58,184 --> 00:07:00,285
Ain't nobody following you.
175
00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:02,286
You just want attention.
176
00:07:02,287 --> 00:07:04,656
I bet Xzibit's gonna put, like,
177
00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:07,192
30-inch rims
on the car.
178
00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:09,027
Thirty inches?
179
00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:10,361
Is that big?
180
00:07:10,362 --> 00:07:12,564
He knew stuff about us,
like...
181
00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:15,533
Like- Like the stupid
Bill Cosby sunglasses thing.
182
00:07:15,534 --> 00:07:17,368
Well, these stupid sunglasses
183
00:07:17,369 --> 00:07:19,137
got us a new car.
184
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:22,573
So you say the car stops
and the wheels keep spinning?
185
00:07:22,574 --> 00:07:24,008
That's amazing.
186
00:07:24,009 --> 00:07:27,012
All I'm saying is, when Xzibit
brings that car back,
187
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,680
you gonna be bitches.
188
00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:30,081
What did you call me?
189
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:32,350
No, no. I mean,
bitches, like...
190
00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:34,519
Like you gonna have
so many bitches,
191
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,054
that's what niggas
is gonna call you.
192
00:07:37,055 --> 00:07:38,523
No disrespect.
193
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,024
No disrespect?
194
00:07:40,025 --> 00:07:41,993
You just called
your grandfather "bitches. "
195
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:45,429
Yeah, but I don't mean "bitches"
in a disrespectful way.
196
00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:47,899
I mean it as
a general word for women.
197
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,801
And you gonna let him
get away with that?
198
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:51,302
It's okay...
just this once.
199
00:07:51,303 --> 00:07:52,870
Granddad, I'm just saying...
200
00:07:52,871 --> 00:07:54,772
you might have to change
your middle name
201
00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:57,141
from Jebediah to Bitches.
202
00:07:57,142 --> 00:07:59,677
It's all I'm trying to say.
No disrespect.
203
00:07:59,678 --> 00:08:02,479
Hm. Granddad Bitches Freeman.
204
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:03,782
Hoo.
205
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:04,883
Got a nice ring to it.
206
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:05,950
Shh.
207
00:08:05,951 --> 00:08:07,219
Did you hear that?
208
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,753
What? What is it?
209
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,154
I don't hear anything.
210
00:08:10,155 --> 00:08:11,789
Shh. It's Huey's
211
00:08:11,790 --> 00:08:13,891
make-believe
government agent.
212
00:08:13,892 --> 00:08:16,494
In our bathroom,
taking a dump.
213
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,899
This nigga
got imaginary friends.
214
00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:25,471
Man.
215
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:32,277
Good morning, Freeman family.
216
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:33,711
What in the hell?
217
00:08:33,712 --> 00:08:36,080
Mr. Freeman,
I know you can't see us
218
00:08:36,081 --> 00:08:37,415
because you're blind,
219
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:39,717
but we're from
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
220
00:08:39,718 --> 00:08:42,620
And we're gonna build
a new wing onto your house.
221
00:08:42,621 --> 00:08:43,688
Brought to you by Sears.
222
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,789
Cut.
223
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:46,224
Okay, let's do it again,
people.
224
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:48,293
And get a reverse angle
from inside the house.
225
00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:51,763
Come on.
The cameras are rolling,
226
00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:53,031
so everyone should smile.
227
00:08:57,869 --> 00:09:00,137
Okay, guys, out with
the old, in with the new.
228
00:09:00,138 --> 00:09:01,171
Let's go.
229
00:09:01,172 --> 00:09:03,074
Granddad, you do realize
230
00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:05,176
these people are gonna
destroy the house, right?
231
00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:08,413
They gonna make the house,
like, five times bigger.
232
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:09,947
More room for bitches.
233
00:09:09,948 --> 00:09:10,981
What's the catch?
234
00:09:10,982 --> 00:09:12,484
Just keep pretending you blind.
235
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,218
That's it?
That's it.
236
00:09:14,219 --> 00:09:15,386
Oh, and, um...
237
00:09:15,387 --> 00:09:16,487
I, uh, might have...
238
00:09:16,488 --> 00:09:17,955
I maybe, uh,
might have told 'em
239
00:09:17,956 --> 00:09:18,990
you was running
240
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:20,658
a homeless shelter
out of here.
241
00:09:20,659 --> 00:09:23,161
We have to work together.
We're running out of time.
242
00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:24,595
I had to tell 'em somethin'.
243
00:09:24,596 --> 00:09:26,798
Watch your b-
People, that's not...
244
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:29,934
It's not like we don't have
a big-ass house already.
245
00:09:29,935 --> 00:09:33,171
Don't trip. We'll just find
some people to act homeless.
246
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:35,807
By the way, I told 'em
to put in a grotto.
247
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:36,808
A grotto?
248
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,876
Yeah. Like
Hugh Hefner got.
249
00:09:38,877 --> 00:09:41,245
Nobody got bitches
like Hugh Hefner, right?
250
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:43,848
You ain't never lied
about that.
251
00:09:46,518 --> 00:09:48,721
Whee! I'm pretty!
252
00:09:51,023 --> 00:09:53,024
You are too much.
Funny.
253
00:09:54,526 --> 00:09:55,961
Yeah, just call me Big Daddy.
254
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:58,128
You know, that's what the girls
call me, Big Daddy.
255
00:09:58,129 --> 00:09:59,296
Thank you.
That's great.
256
00:09:59,297 --> 00:10:00,333
Big Daddy.
257
00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:03,067
Yeah. Mm.
258
00:10:03,068 --> 00:10:04,202
Bacon?
259
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:06,571
Don't mind if I do.
260
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:08,473
Naked cutie-pie.
261
00:10:09,808 --> 00:10:11,175
And then I said:
262
00:10:11,176 --> 00:10:14,144
"Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
Thank you. "
263
00:10:14,145 --> 00:10:17,415
Mr. Freeman, you have
an amazing grotto.
264
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:20,551
Please, Mr. Hefner,
call me Bitches.
265
00:10:20,552 --> 00:10:22,020
Okay, Mr. Bitches...
266
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,554
Uh...
267
00:10:23,555 --> 00:10:25,723
The homeless people
are needed in Makeup.
268
00:10:25,724 --> 00:10:26,724
Huh?
269
00:10:26,725 --> 00:10:28,125
The homeless people.
270
00:10:28,126 --> 00:10:30,127
This is a homeless shelter,
right?
271
00:10:30,128 --> 00:10:32,396
We assumed there'd be
homeless people.
272
00:10:32,397 --> 00:10:33,998
Uh...
If they was here
273
00:10:33,999 --> 00:10:34,999
all the time,
274
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,133
they wouldn't be homeless,
275
00:10:36,134 --> 00:10:37,135
would they?
276
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,970
It's a shelter, not a prison.
277
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,038
Beat it.
278
00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:41,639
Little bastard.
279
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,575
Uh, excuse me... Bitches?
280
00:10:44,576 --> 00:10:46,544
Uh, I've actually seen
this show.
281
00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:48,412
They're gonna
demolish the house.
282
00:10:48,413 --> 00:10:50,348
Hello?
Do you hear me?
283
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,083
Come on. Let's find
some homeless people.
284
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:53,651
Don't worry about pillows.
285
00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:55,386
He's fucking blind, okay?
286
00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:03,762
Go away. Beat it.
287
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,430
Shoo.
288
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:06,930
Hey, there, Huey.
289
00:11:06,931 --> 00:11:10,402
I found this little
"homeless" girl.
290
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,470
And I know how
your grandfather loves
291
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:14,439
to take care
of homeless people.
292
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,241
What the hell
are you doing here?
293
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:17,875
Your brother called.
294
00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:19,778
Said if I bring Jazmine over,
295
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,446
I could sing on the show.
296
00:11:21,447 --> 00:11:23,381
Hi, I'm Tom.
297
00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:24,749
I live across the street.
298
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,785
I'm a lawyer by day, but...
299
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,219
Whoa. Whoa,
up here.
300
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,720
Ha-ha,
there you go.
301
00:11:29,721 --> 00:11:31,689
So... like I was saying,
302
00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:33,425
my true passion is singing.
303
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:37,762
? A heart is a house?
304
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:39,764
? Of love?
305
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:41,298
You know,
I've really had it
306
00:11:41,299 --> 00:11:42,867
with this faggot designer
over here
307
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,135
who's trying to make pillows.
308
00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:45,737
Okay, let's just leave
everything...
309
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:47,605
I tell you what...
310
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:49,308
If your granddad
has one weakness...
311
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:51,676
it's bitches.
312
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:53,311
Of course,
they're my weakness too.
313
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:55,046
What do you want with me?
314
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,747
It's complicated, Huey.
315
00:11:56,748 --> 00:11:58,282
Uh...
316
00:11:58,283 --> 00:12:00,819
I'm a secret agent sent
to spy on you.
317
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,722
Okay. Maybe it's not
that complicated.
318
00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:06,991
If this house
is not done in...
319
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,359
Do spies normally
introduce themselves
320
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,029
to people they spy on?
321
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:12,997
What spy school
did you go to?
322
00:12:12,998 --> 00:12:16,501
Ah. I'm too old
to be sneaking around.
323
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,670
Excuse us.
Coming through.
324
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:20,905
What if I tell someone
right now?
325
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,407
You tried that earlier,
in the kitchen, remember?
326
00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:24,808
By the way,
327
00:12:24,809 --> 00:12:26,944
I wasn't really
in the bathroom taking a dump,
328
00:12:26,945 --> 00:12:27,945
but, man...
329
00:12:30,248 --> 00:12:32,717
Oh, that brother of yours
is a hoot.
330
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:34,552
And your grandfather...
331
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:36,488
Those two need
their own sitcom.
332
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,922
Leave me alone.
333
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,223
Look...
334
00:12:39,224 --> 00:12:41,592
just because my job is
to watch your every move
335
00:12:41,593 --> 00:12:43,394
and eavesdrop
on every telephone call,
336
00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:45,096
and monitor
your every e-mail,
337
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:48,934
doesn't mean
we can't be friends.
338
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:54,471
Excuse me.
339
00:12:54,472 --> 00:12:56,674
Did you notice me talking
to someone a second ago
340
00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:58,776
right here, dressed like y'all?
341
00:12:58,777 --> 00:13:00,344
Wasn't really lookin'.
Sorry.
342
00:13:00,345 --> 00:13:03,681
Where are we puttin'
the fried chicken dispenser?
343
00:13:03,682 --> 00:13:06,116
I mean, everything we see is
a false reality.
344
00:13:06,117 --> 00:13:08,853
It's like Big Brother,
The Matrix,
345
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:10,454
whatever you wanna call it.
346
00:13:10,455 --> 00:13:11,923
While we're watching each other,
347
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:13,291
they're watching us.
348
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,726
All the time.
349
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:15,993
Some of you may be wondering
350
00:13:15,994 --> 00:13:17,995
why we're renovating
the Freeman house
351
00:13:17,996 --> 00:13:19,696
when it's already so big.
352
00:13:19,697 --> 00:13:23,234
Well, it turns out that Robert
Freeman, who is blind,
353
00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:24,736
has run a homeless shelter
354
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,838
out of his house for years.
355
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:29,173
Yes, sir, I been living
with the Freemans
356
00:13:29,174 --> 00:13:30,707
for three months now.
357
00:13:30,708 --> 00:13:34,079
They the cleanest colored folks
you ever did see.
358
00:13:35,247 --> 00:13:37,448
Mm, my mother, um...
359
00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:40,052
used crack?
360
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:44,055
She used crack,
she left me in a dumpster.
361
00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:46,057
And you should give Riley
a movie theater.
362
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:51,195
Excuse me,
Mr. Bitches.
363
00:13:51,196 --> 00:13:53,431
We have some release
paperwork for you to sign.
364
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:55,767
Hold on.
Let me read it first.
365
00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,770
Yeah, good one.
Good one.
366
00:13:59,771 --> 00:14:00,705
Now,
367
00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:02,173
just sign here.
368
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,107
And there.
369
00:14:04,108 --> 00:14:05,109
Great.
370
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:06,944
Ha-ha-ha, excellent,
excellent.
371
00:14:06,945 --> 00:14:08,279
Thanks. Word.
372
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,513
Whoa.
Whoa.
373
00:14:09,514 --> 00:14:11,116
Wow. Whoo.
374
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:15,187
Hi, Huey.
375
00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:17,988
What's the matter?
376
00:14:17,989 --> 00:14:19,790
You wouldn't understand.
377
00:14:19,791 --> 00:14:21,759
I'm being shadowed
by a secret agent.
378
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,028
Really? Who?
379
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,196
Where is he?
380
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,930
I don't know.
381
00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:28,332
Kinda just pops up
out of nowhere
382
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,034
and then disappears.
383
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,736
You mean,
like the tooth fairy?
384
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:32,837
No, I don't mean
385
00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:34,305
like the tooth fairy.
386
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:36,407
Sounds like
the tooth fairy to me.
387
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:37,908
You can believe
in secret agents,
388
00:14:37,909 --> 00:14:39,877
and I can't believe
in the tooth fairy?
389
00:14:39,878 --> 00:14:41,345
That's messed up, Huey.
390
00:14:41,346 --> 00:14:43,648
Go eat something
out of a dumpster,
391
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:44,882
you street urchin.
392
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:48,152
It doesn't have to last!
393
00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:49,153
Don't use nails then!
394
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:51,122
Use glue! I don't care!
395
00:14:52,623 --> 00:14:55,627
Just get it done!
We are running out of time.
396
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:58,830
What the-?
This is some bullshit.
397
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,131
Man.
398
00:15:01,132 --> 00:15:03,001
Oh!
What-?
399
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:04,836
Man, what's-? Ugh.
400
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:06,770
What-?
Ugh.
401
00:15:06,771 --> 00:15:08,906
I should never have let you
talk me into this.
402
00:15:08,907 --> 00:15:11,142
First, you let Noxema
take my car away.
403
00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:13,210
Now these white people
are destroying my house.
404
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:17,649
Granddad, all we gotta do
is keep up the act.
405
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,850
We gonna have a new car
and a new...
406
00:15:19,851 --> 00:15:21,218
house.
407
00:15:21,219 --> 00:15:24,088
All because we didn't
listen to Huey.
408
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:25,790
Excuse me, uh, Mr.
Bitches.
409
00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:27,992
I think your car
just showed up.
410
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,527
Dorothy.
411
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:31,529
When we first saw Dorothy,
412
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:33,764
the only thing that worked
was the off switch.
413
00:15:33,765 --> 00:15:36,600
That car was so old
it ran on unleaded coal.
414
00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:38,503
But take a look
at the new Dorothy.
415
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:42,507
Yo, man!
Oh, my Lord, have mercy!
416
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:44,942
Check it out. Look at the rim.
I can't believe it.
417
00:15:44,943 --> 00:15:47,278
Look at the paint job.
Oh, that's my color too.
418
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:50,180
Oh, give me a hug.
Man, Grandpa bad too.
419
00:15:50,181 --> 00:15:52,816
Huey gotta ride in the back.
Look at that. No, no, no, no.
420
00:15:52,817 --> 00:15:55,386
Look at the seats.
Pimping, pimping hot.
421
00:15:55,387 --> 00:15:57,855
Oh, I'm gonna start pimping.
I'm gonna do something.
422
00:15:57,856 --> 00:15:59,857
I'm gonna do something.
Oh, look at them seats.
423
00:15:59,858 --> 00:16:02,059
Oh, I can't wait to get me
a little cutie-pie in here.
424
00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:03,927
Oh, my Lord, have mercy.
Oh, skanks!
425
00:16:03,928 --> 00:16:05,430
I can't believe it.
They're bad!
426
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:06,563
Dorothy! Dorothy!
Whoa!
427
00:16:06,564 --> 00:16:08,966
You're so beautiful.
All right, all right.
428
00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:12,403
Granddad, Granddad,
let's roll out right now.
429
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:14,672
Hey, I don't know
what the hell is going on?
430
00:16:14,673 --> 00:16:17,341
What's making
the rims keep spinning?
431
00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:20,411
Granddad, you're
supposed to be blind.
432
00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:21,812
Oh, yeah.
Shit, man.
433
00:16:21,813 --> 00:16:22,847
What the hell?
434
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,916
He's not blind.
435
00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:27,417
I was like,
436
00:16:27,418 --> 00:16:30,388
"Man, Granddad done fucked it up
for everybody. "
437
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:33,090
Oh, shit. Is he gonna
hear me say fuck?
438
00:16:33,091 --> 00:16:34,992
Yeah, I messed it up.
439
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:36,794
Teach that boy a lesson.
440
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:39,930
Trying to rip off the TV show.
441
00:16:39,931 --> 00:16:41,733
What I know about acting blind?
442
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,501
Ah, man.
443
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,402
This is like
when Rerun got caught
444
00:16:45,403 --> 00:16:47,237
bootlegging
the Doobie Brothers concert
445
00:16:47,238 --> 00:16:48,606
on What's Happening!
446
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,608
Oh, yeah. Isn't that the one
where he's dancing
447
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:51,976
and that big-ass
tape recorder
448
00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:54,244
falls out of his coat?
Yeah.
449
00:16:54,245 --> 00:16:55,947
? Bum-tum-bum
Bum-bum?
450
00:16:55,948 --> 00:17:00,050
? I can see clearly now
The rain has gone?
451
00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:01,919
? Bum-tum-bum
Bum-bum?
452
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,254
? Bum-tum-bum
Bum-bum?
453
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:08,593
? I can see all obstacles
In my way-?
454
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:12,796
I love that song.
Is he gay?
455
00:17:12,797 --> 00:17:14,431
I don't know what the hell...
456
00:17:14,432 --> 00:17:16,801
What the hell's
going on with this guy?
457
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:18,402
This is getting way too weird.
458
00:17:18,403 --> 00:17:20,504
Gentlemen, don't leave.
Gentlemen.
459
00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:21,739
Come on, what about my house?
460
00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:22,940
It's not my fault.
The boy...
461
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,675
I shouldn't have
listened to the boy...
462
00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:28,012
I knew that nigga wasn't blind
the whole time.
463
00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:30,414
This soup tastes
like horse piss.
464
00:17:30,415 --> 00:17:31,983
Hey, wait a minute.
465
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:36,387
Pff! I can't believe
you're not blind, man.
466
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,055
Not Dorothy.
467
00:17:38,056 --> 00:17:39,055
Please!
468
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,993
You did this to me.
Riley, this your fault.
469
00:17:42,994 --> 00:17:45,329
Dorothy!
Don't go, Dorothy!
470
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,498
Don't forget to get
the watermelon patch.
471
00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:48,932
Please listen to me.
472
00:17:48,933 --> 00:17:51,103
Somebody listen to me
before I kick your ass...
473
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:01,746
Yo, anybody home?
474
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,447
You know you can see us.
475
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:06,283
Fellas, we thought
about it, and...
476
00:18:06,284 --> 00:18:07,852
Well, here's
your car back, man.
477
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:08,919
Thank you.
478
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,022
Thank you, Eczema.
Thank you.
479
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,757
Yeah. We kinda felt bad
for you guys.
480
00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:16,861
Besides, our lawyers told us
we couldn't keep the car.
481
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:19,363
Good-looking, my nigga.
My man, Ex-convict.
482
00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:21,264
I always said you were
my favorite rapper.
483
00:18:21,265 --> 00:18:22,867
I messes with Xzibit.
484
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:25,235
We'll just charge y'all
for all the work we did on it:
485
00:18:25,236 --> 00:18:29,173
$35,423.08.
486
00:18:30,342 --> 00:18:32,576
You Indian-giving-ass nigga.
I hate you rappers,
487
00:18:32,577 --> 00:18:33,844
with your bebop, bebop.
488
00:18:33,845 --> 00:18:35,847
Why don't you exit
out of my face, Exhibition.
489
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,548
I do not mess with Xzibit.
490
00:18:37,549 --> 00:18:38,716
Bastard.
491
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:40,718
All right, here's
the invoice.
492
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:43,053
And take your time with that.
493
00:18:43,054 --> 00:18:44,288
Looks like money gonna be
494
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:45,756
tight around here
for a minute.
495
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,396
She does look nice.
496
00:18:52,397 --> 00:18:53,898
All things considered,
497
00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:55,667
I say we came out ahead.
498
00:18:58,903 --> 00:18:59,870
Uh-oh.
499
00:18:59,871 --> 00:19:00,872
Come here!
500
00:19:06,511 --> 00:19:08,512
I've come up
with a name for you:
501
00:19:08,513 --> 00:19:10,381
The White Shadow.
502
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:11,515
Hm.
503
00:19:11,516 --> 00:19:14,618
I'm white, I'm shadowing you.
504
00:19:14,619 --> 00:19:16,053
It's very clever.
505
00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:17,788
And I've decided
that you're a figment
506
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:20,391
of my overactive imagination.
507
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:22,393
Now who's hiding
from reality?
508
00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:24,394
Just because
you're paranoid, Huey,
509
00:19:24,395 --> 00:19:26,497
doesn't mean
we're not out to get you.
510
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,231
If you are real,
511
00:19:28,232 --> 00:19:29,667
why me?
512
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,603
Oh, come on.
513
00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:35,039
You underestimate yourself.
514
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,209
It's a shame what happened
to the house.
515
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:39,276
You warned them.
516
00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:40,777
They wouldn't listen to me.
517
00:19:40,778 --> 00:19:42,546
They never listen to me.
518
00:19:42,547 --> 00:19:44,882
I know you wanna save
the world, Huey,
519
00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:46,617
but sometimes people have
520
00:19:46,618 --> 00:19:48,085
to learn lessons
on their own.
521
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:50,121
The hard way.
522
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:53,257
Well, can't miss the Idol.
523
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:55,926
If you ever wanna talk,
remember...
524
00:19:55,927 --> 00:19:57,995
I'm always listening.
525
00:19:57,996 --> 00:19:59,931
? Da-da
Da-da-da-da...?
526
00:20:05,403 --> 00:20:07,471
Obi-Wan Kenobi said:
527
00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:10,407
"Your eyes can deceive you.
Don't trust them. "
528
00:20:10,408 --> 00:20:13,944
It seems to be getting harder
distinguishing reality
529
00:20:13,945 --> 00:20:16,380
from the illusions
people make for us.
530
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,049
Or from the ones
we make for ourselves.
531
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:21,619
I don't know.
Maybe that's part of the plan:
532
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,522
To make me think I'm crazy.
533
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,628
It's working.
534
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:33,664
Anybody wanna drink
out the fridge?
535
00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:35,366
Or an espresso?
536
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,170
Good night, Granddad.
537
00:20:40,171 --> 00:20:41,839
I'll good your night.
538
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,340
Good night, Huey.
539
00:20:43,341 --> 00:20:44,942
Good night, Riley.
540
00:20:44,943 --> 00:20:48,212
Good night, Huey's
imaginary secret-agent friend.
541
00:20:50,481 --> 00:20:53,250
Granddad,
Huey's imaginary friend
542
00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:55,352
tried to touch me
in a private place.
543
00:20:55,402 --> 00:20:59,952
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