All language subtitles for Scrubs s09e12 Our Driving Issues.eng

Four months into med school

And we were getting on each other's
nerves.

Cole was especially good at it.
Cole, you're wearing my scrubs.

I had to wear the ones my mom made me.

Babe, you know girl scrubs make my ass pop.

That is so stupid.

Damn! Ma wants a bite!

You know, cole,

You could be a little more
respectful of other people.

Fine.

Lovely sweater.

It really shows everybody
what you're working with.

There, luce. You happy?

ow! What was that for?

I don't know. I assume you
did somethin' stupid. Did he?

Yeah.

One more for luck.
All right, fall in, losers.

Today, one of you is gonna get
an amazing learning opportunity.

Trang, I need you to put a
new gown on mrs. Gainer.

Be careful. She's off her meds,
has 4-inch nails

And is convinced someone's
trying to steal her skin..

Hey, talking man baby, come here.

I am parked in the 10-minute parking zone.

You want me to move your car? No.
I love the space.

What I want you to do is

To pull out of and then back into the space

Every ten minutes.

If you get bored, here's a ball
and a half a deck of cards.

I want that ball.
Trang, get over here right now.

I didn't envy trang. At some point,

We'd all been caught between dr.
Mahoney and dr. Cox,

And it felt like being in a pinball
machine.

And it always ended the same way--

With dr. Cox winning.

Tiny one, run fast.

Now.

Dr. Kelso, I told you

You can't be coming up in
here stealing all the gauze.

I mean, are you building a giant gauze ball?

'cause if you are, I want in.
It's on my bucket list.

Actually, I'm here for a medical reason.

I had a bit of a scare

While I was playing a game of scattergories
with my niece. You're still on the clock.

She means the scattergories clock.

She's very competive.

Anyway, I got a little bit light-headed,

So we're gonna run some tests.
I wouldn't worry about it.

A few years back, I, uh,
I got a little light-headed myself.

Turns out it was... Well, it was diabetes.

That's a bad example.

You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

Oh, what up, dr. T.?

Okay, today, as part of your
practical doctoring class,

You will be conducting
physical exams on one another

For the first time. Cole.

Put your pants back on.

Oh, my bad.

I thought this was going
somewhere totally different.

People, I said it day one.

I can't teach you without your pants on.

While doing these exams,
some of you may experience

Something we like to call
med student syndrome.

It's a common condition
where med students think

They have the disease they're studying.

All right, what I want you
all to do now, though,

Is partner up with the person
next to you and get it crackin'.

Getting paired up in med school
was like playing a game

Of win...

Lose...

Or frank.

Spoiler alert-- my skin's super flaky.

Man, I just got totally frank'd.

I really appreciate you
taking time to check me out.

I'm gonna take care of ya,
but first, as you know,

We gotta knock out one of
these patient histories,

And we both know how weird these can get.
Yes, deeply, deeply weird.

What do you say we just dive right in?

Are you currently taking any medications?

Have you had sex with multiple partners?

You exercising regularly?

And have you traveled
outside the United States

In the last couple months? Yes. Hell, yes.

Uh, yes--I go to the
bathroom ten times a day,

Which for me is cardio. Natch.

I recently flew to bangkok,

But I didn't actually get off the plane.

Right.

That little stunt you pulled with trang?

Not cool. I needed him
for real hospital work.

Having him move my car, I'll have you know,

Was hospital work of the highest order.

That's exactly what trang needed--

Driving back and forth in the parking lot,

Reinforcing every
stereotype of asian drivers.

Look, you're the one who put
me with the med students,

So don't undermine me.
Who's in charge of 'em, you or me?

I am in charge of you,
and by the transitive property,

Anybody you're in charge
of I'm also in charge of.

You see, I'm the boss around here.

I pretty much do whatever I want.

For instance, I can use
the intercom to whistle.

Any loose change-- automatically mine.

And I never have to buy chocolate bars

From any of my colleagues' awful children

To support their horrible school band.

I can do whatever I want,

And you just have to stand and nod,

Like the sweet-mouthed
little man-boy monkey toy

That you truly are. Mine.

Ugh.

Leave.

Even though dr. Turk warned us
about med student syndrome,

We couldn't help ourselves.

Dr. Turk, I've got scurvy and rickets.

How did I get all the pirate diseases?

That's a walk in the park

Compared to my early onset dementia.

Where's my phone?!

Actually, cole does have a
weird mole on his chest.

Man, forget that mole.

I'm more worried about
the pain in my throat...

The t-pain. Hmm.

my voice sounds hella cool

Listen, guys, calm down.

You're all fine. Everything's good.

That's a bruise. You're just ticklish.

And you, my friend,
you got ink on your tongue.

Stop eating your pen.
Cole, the mole on your chest...

Well, actually, the mole on your chest

Is something we need to check out.

So, cole, uh...

Unfortunately, the biopsy shows
that your mole is malignant.

You have melanoma.

Skin cancer?

Oh, my god, cole.

oh, snap

I got a funky cancer mole

How'd you know it was gonna be malignant?

Oh, I didn't. I was prepared for both ways.

check my rhymes 'cause
my mole is benign

I can't do this all on my own

no, I know

I'm no superman

I'm no superman

cole's cancer thing was really freaking me
out.

Hey, check it. I put
orange soda in my I.V. Bag.

I'm like a hamster, yo. Cole--not so
much.

This is serious. You have cancer.

Lucy, it's n cancer cancer.

Hey, that kind of cancer is for uglies

And dudes who keep laptops on their balls.

Well, then, bobbo, I figured out
what's causing the fainting.

Men don't faint.

We take unintended decisive naps.

It's just vagal syncope.
Nothing to worry about.

That's a relief. So just fill
my prescription for blue steel.

I'll be on my way.

There is one other thing.
Unfortunately, given your age

And your current insurance regulations,

They're not gonna let you drive anymore.

Oh, that's crazy! I'm a great driver.

Hey, what's up?

Nothin'. Ah, I was about
to grab some yogurt.

Ah, I guess I can bum rides.
Well, it's good, actually.

You don't know how many
times I've been out late

And had to pass on that seventh drink.

No more mr. Responsible!

Oh! Ha.

What about him? How's he gonna die?

Red nose. Beer gut. Definitely liver
failure. No way. Check out his shirt and his callused hands.

He probably works around a lot of machinery.

I'm thinkin' nail gun to the head. You said
that about the nurse who just walked by.

I think you're overestimating
how many people

Actually own nail guns. Whatever.
That's how I wanna go.

hello?

Number one, I need you to
prep some forms for dr. Kelso,

Get the notes for today's
lecture out of my office

And set my dvr to record "big bang theory."

The whole world is watching this thing,
and I've got to know why.

I gotta go. Dr. Cox needs
me to do a bunch of stuff.

Cox? You're leaving me for cox right now?

Yeah. Is that all right?

No. Yeah, that's fine. Go.

It's just, all this talk about,
you know, dying

Rascal... Flatts paws.

You had a dog named rascal flatts paws?

It's an indianame, okay?

We got him from a navajo rescue center.

I taught him how to skateboard.

He was really good,
until my dad ran him over.

The bastard did it on purpose.
Wait, are you screwing with me?

Yeah, drew, that's what I do.

I make up stories about my
dead skateboarding indian dog

And my abusive father just to mess with you.

That's... Yeah.

Oh, just forget it.

Uh...

No, it's fine.

I'll stay.

After our examinations yesterday,

We discovered a malignant
melanoma on cole's chest.

He's been generous enough

To let us use his case as a teaching tool.

Mm! You hear that? I'm a tool, yo.

Pal-- drew, he's sick.
Let's just let it slide.

This slide is a magnified
image of cole's mole.

How is it different from a benign one?

Well, it's dark with undefined edges.
You're dark with undefined edges.

That doesn't even make any sense.
You don't make sense.

Okay, you know what?
We'll just move on to the questions.

Uh, dr. Turk,

Doesn't melanoma sometimes
spread into the lymph nodes?

Well, they caught it early,
so that's an extreme scenario.

you're an extreme scenario.

I'm sorry, dr. T.
He just keeps settin' me up.

Thanks again, turkleton,
for giving me the lift.

Hitching rides with students
was not working out.

The constant stops at keg
parties and strip clubs--

They just weren't into it.

But hey,

Nobody hustles bob kelso
out of the champagne room.

That is my house.

if I even step into the
parking lot of a strip club,

Carla--she could pick up the scent

Of glitter and vanilla body
wash like nobody's business.

I'm telling you, it's like
she's a stripper bloodhound.

Oh, well, I gotta get home early anyway.

I wanna read the internet
before they take it down.

I'm not exactly sure
that's how that works, sir.

Damn! What?

Talked through my taco.
Totally forgot to savor it.

I'm-a go get another one.

I'll be back in five minutes, okay?

You know what?

Ten minutes. Line looks kda long.

I know you think this surgery's no big deal,

But are you sure you don't
want your parents there?

Yeah, I'm good.

And besides, they're on some
bike trip around iceland

Taking pictures of puffins...
Whatever the hell those are.

What about your boys?
I could give them a call for you.

Nah, topher and bootsat

For getting into a fight with criss angel

At a porn convention. It sounded awesome.

I could at least make sure our
study group is there. those fools?

They're your friends.
They wanna be there for you.

All right, I guess it's cool if they come.

Oh, sweet! Cancer party!

Like, tons of my uncles died of cancer

So I know exactly how to do this.

Oh, but theirs was sad.
This one's gonna be fun.

Number one, just exactly
what in the hell happened?

You didn't do any of the
stuff that I asked you to.

I'm sorry. Denise was
going through something.

I was in a really emotional place.

Let me see if I got this straight,
dr. Mahoney.

You, who think that women in labor

Need to cool it on the emotional theatrics,

Suddenly became a needy girlfriend

At the exactame moment that I
required number one's help?

What's going on here?
I'll tell you what's going on here.

This one thinks

That just because you're
having emotionless intercourse

That you are the one med student
who will listen to her over me.

Sweetie, ignore him.

I need you to take a
patient to get an m.R.I.

And I need you to prepare
slides for the immunology exam.

The one thing I kn for sure
is that drew is not gonna

Sacrifice his entire medical career

For the steely caress of
your cold robot pinchers.

Well, let's let him choose. Fine. Drew?

Oh, hey, bob. I am so
sorry to keep you waitin'.

I've been dancing as fast as I can up there.

But I just need 15 more minutes
to see another patient,

And we will get out of here.

Ah, take youtime. It's already
been 10 minutes. What's 15 more?

why don't you just go inside
and have yourself a seat?

Oh, a nice warm seat for the old-timer, huh?

Gee, tnks. Will there be an afghan?

I don't want to get a draft
while I'm doing the jumble

And clipping articles to
send to my grandchildren.

I appreciate that you're frustrated...

Not being able to drive,
losing your independence.

It's gotta be pretty hard on you.

What the hell are you talking about?

Look, perry, just because we had
a couple of nice conversations

And a few backyard beers last summer,

It doesn't mean we're butch
and sundance, all right.

So just forget all this soul mate stuff

And just go bring the car arod.

You know what, bob? Find your own way home.

Hey, guys.

I wanted to talk to you about something.
You want us to go cole's surgery.

How did you know? It's written on your hand.

I've been forgetting things recently.

You should eat more grains.
You know, I was just thinking that exact...

Oh.

So... Can I count on you all to be there?

Why? He never supports us.

Yeah. Last month, I ran a charity 5k.

But when I asked cole for a donation,

He burped in my face and
told me it was for the kids.

But it would mean a lot to
him if you guys were there.

Really? Because every
time I ask him how he is,

He shows me his ass and says, "ask them."

Look, if you don't wanna do it for him,
then do it for me.

And if you don't wanna do it for me...

then do it for the cupcakes'll bring. Maybe.

I tried to make sure cole wouldn't be
alone.

Although for some, solitude can be a
relief.

Have you seen drew suffin?

Med student but, like, 900 years old?

Hey, you seen a med student

Thinks he's way cooler th he is,

Kinda has a serial killer vibe?

But sometimes it can remind you
of a growing frustration.

And even if you think you're
just fine on your own,

You can feel surprisingly abandoned.

I thought you said people were coming.

Cupcake?

Hey, where did you go?
I went to the campus store

And got some things to cheer you up, like...

A winston university mini fan

Because this surgery is gonna be a breeze...

A license plate frame

Because you are gonna
drive away that cancer.

And...

Because you are gonna hoot, hoot, hoot...

Actually, I just really think
he's cute. Can I have him?

Whatever. Keep it.

Look, it's not all bad.
I'm here. We have cupcakes.

We can lie in bed and watch tv all day.

No, the remote's broken and
it's stuck on t history channel.

I don't care about stuff
that's already happened.

I'm really sorry no one came.

Yeah, I was fine without anyone,
but you had to promise.

You had to do the whole lucy thing of,

"oh, they'll come. They'll listen to me.

I think horses should go into space."

I never said that.

Why would I want fewer horses
on earth? That's crazy.

What's crazy is thinking
that you could cheer me up.

You know, that is just
the kind of jerky thing

That makes people not
wanna be there for you.

Well, I don't need them and
I don't need you either.

Okay, so take your cupcake
and your license plate frame,

Leave the mini fan and go.

Whatever you want.

Oh, come on, lucy!

"judge mathis"?!

The med student who was supposed
to pick me up never showed up.

I've been out there forever.
What do you want from me?

Helpe out with this paperwork
thing so I can drive again.

It's just some stupid insurance rule.

Well, that's a pretty big favor there, bob.

And since according to you
we're not real friends--

Which makes perfect sense

As your only real friends
are a bottle of discountin

And the metal handrail in your shower--

I'm gonna go ahead and say no.

Look out.

What are you doin' here?
I got a text from drew.

Yeah, me, too.

What's going on? You texted me
that a patient's coding in here.

You texted me,
"come and show me your boobs"?

I may have switched those texts,
which does raise the question--

Why did you show up then, dr. Cox?

Dr. Kelso?

Sorry, son.

I came in to use the bathroom
while you were sleeping.

But I've been watching tv for
the last 45 minutes. Yeah.

I got caught up in this article
about how they make tortillas.

There's a lot of steps.
Well, what are you in for?

Oh, I got the cancer. Woof.

I'll tell you what'll make you feel better--

Giving an old man your pudding cup.

Uh, lien, for reasons I don't understand--

Probably related to childhood memories

Of my father dressedp like my mother,

Screaming, "am I pretty?
Am I pretty? Am I pretty?"

You two are my closest
relationships in this place.

Congratulations.

But I cannot handle being stuck
in the middle of you guys.

You have got to work it out.

You brought us here to make us talk?
That's ridiculous.

About as ridiculous as
your five o'clock shadow.

Honest to god, there are
so times during rounds

When I look over at you and it's
like I'm teaching yasser arafat.

Really? I see a slightly
gayer george michael.

Oh, so see that. Mm.

Could you please be more alike?

You know, we are kind of alike.

And actually, a lot of my best moves

I learned from watching you. Oh.

Rememberthat 2-page list

Of careers she'd be more
suited for than medicine?

She cried for the entire weekend. Really?

Gosh, you hope you reach these kids,
but you never know.

You just never know.

Sorry your mom couldn't make it.

She's a hell of a woman.

Next time you see her,

Tell her that bob kelso said,
"I still see sugarplums."

She'll know what it means. Does it mean that

You want her to make you
one of her holiday cakes?

Yeah, that's what it means.

Yeah.

So where are your friends?

They never showed up.

Man, if one of them needed me, I'd be there.

Okay, like, when trang
asked me to help him move,

I said no because I didn't
want with my hilarious jokes.

Are you scared about this?

No.

Okay.

Look, I'm totally freaked out,

And I pushed away the one
person who was here for me.

Old man...

Your stinkin' forms.

Enjoy driving again.
Try not to kill anybody.

what was that?

He just did me a big favor,

Even though I was a real douche to him.

And was just...

Scared about getting old,

Losing my independence.

It sucks.

I don't want people to know when I'm scared.

It's weak.

Yeah, I-I-I used to be like you--

You know, putting up a front,
shutting people out,

Acting like you don't need anybody.

Fortunately, though, I got past all that

Because you see,

The best thing about letting people know

How you really feel about them is

Then no matter how big
a jackass you've been,

They'll still show up for
you when times are bad.

Hey, I got your message.
Didn't you listen to the whole thing?

Yeah. Then why are you wearing a bra?

I'm not.

Thanks for coming.

I was a jerk, and you didn't deserve it.

I know you were scared.

I'll be here when you get out, okay?

Sometimes ego gets in the way
of what's best for you,

Whether it's combining forces...

Now, now, this guy has
never prepared for class

A day in his life.
What's say we start with him?

The weird shoes,
the--the skinny chicken legs.

What are you guys doing? Oh,
you were right about us. We are so alike.

So we decided to team up

And make life hell for the med
students. What have I done?

The opportunity to thank a friend...
That's the good stuff.

I swiped it from the bar
at the country club.

You're welcome, bob.

Or the chance to do something nice

For the people in your life because
you actually do care.

Hey. Look, I know we're gonna studying late,

So I bought you nerds dinner

Did you b, graze, touch, dip, drag

Or spread your stuff on any part of this?

Wanted to. Decided not to.

Cole...

repair it

I just wanted to do
something nice for you guys.

Oh, hey, dr. Kelso's driving again.

Oh, yeah.

that's about right.

I'm losing ground

Hey, I wanted to talk to
you about skin cancer.

It's very serious but easily preventable.

Always wear sunscreen,

Get a full body checkup annually,

And when you go to the beach,
stay covered up...

Unless you're a hottie,

In which case you should take
it all off and get weird.

We're trying to make a video
about cancer awareness.

Okay, what about hottie awareness?

Have you been to the beach lately?

It's all families eatin' hard-boiled eggs.

Okay, that ain't right.

You know what? Just g--hey,
go--go press--press "record."

I got this. I'll figure it out.

Hotties, remember this--

You cannot get skin cancer on your taters.

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