All language subtitles for Scrubs s09e10 Lies.eng

Mom, I love that you're proud of me,
but I'm not a doctor yet.

You can't keep
giving my number out

To women in your church group
and saying I'll help them.

I can't.
Oh, hey. Tell your mom the cookies she made are ridic!

Yes, that's him.

It means "ridiculous."

No. There's no reason
to shorten that word.

Look, I-I gotta go. Bye.

Your mom dsn't like me
very much, does she?

No, she's crazy about you.
Aw, see you're lying! You're chewing on your hair.

Babe, I can read you
like the back of a dase.

A'ight, you chew on your hair
when you lie,

You adjust your bra
when you're gonna yell at me

And you get a far-off look
in your eyes when you narrate

In your head.
(lucy) even though cole and I were clicking--

There it is!
Stop noticing things I do!

Even though cole and I
were clicking,

There was another couple

That was even more in sync
than we were. Queer.

Hey, before you go study,
I need your help.

I have a patient
who had to pee on a ski lift,

So she pulled her pants down
and her butt froze to the seat,

And when she got off, she lost
most of the skin on her ass-- what's the question?

Can I laugh at that?
That depends. Is she within earshot?

No.
Well, it's funny. (laughs) no butt skin.

(laughs)

I lied.
She's right behind you. What?

Ouch.

Well, chapter 14 is down.

Only 400 more pages to go
before the test morrow.

I've never had
to work this hard in my life.

School's always been easy
for me. Not to brag,

But I was my high school
and college valedictorian. Me, too.

Me, too.
I was on the cover of "time" magazine as a 9 year old

Because I invented
a new kind of laser.

Trang, you are so smart.

Babe,
you're smothering me.

You can be
a big fish at home,

And then you get to med school
and everybody's brilliant.

Man, you brainiacs think
you have it tough?

My 'rents made me
go to med school

Because everyone
on my dad's side is a doctor.

Okay, on my mom's side,
everyone is a bounty hunter.

I don't know why I couldn't
go to school for that.

Everyone in my entire family

Is counting on me
to become a doctor.

And just in case
I forget that fact,

My mom calls me every
eight minutes to check in. I feel the pressure, too.

Not so much
from my parents...

Mostly because
they think I'm dead.

(inhales deeply)
all right, movin' on.

The nervous system.
(chuckles)

(scanner beeps)

Bar codes?

What the hell is this,
a supermarket?

That's a human being,
for god's sa. Listen, old prospector,

I know that
any new machine scares you,

But here's
the well-held secret.

Yoknow that box that records
your favorite television shows?

There isn't a demon
inside of it. Then how does it know

I miss the good old days,

When doctors and patients
actually got to know each other.

You know, back when
sexually harassing a nurse

Was just considered
polite chitchat.

Yes, the good old days.

Back when a man of my color
couldn't be a doctor,

But could live out
his lifelong dream

Of one day driving a white woman
to her hair appointments.

See? Turkleton gets it.

Happy test day. You know, I'll
be there, so don't mess it up.

Crap, I'm already late.
Wait. Breakfast.

Strawberry frosting? Nice.

Hey, you got fruit, dairy,
enough sugar for a month.

What else you need?
Spoon.

Use your fingers,
queen elizabeth.

Mmm! Delicious.
I'll see you later.

I love you.

Um...
What was that? (chuckles)

That just
sort of slipped out.

I'm gonna just assume
that was the frosting talking,

'cause, you know,

That's something
I don't ever want hear.

So would you like
to take that back? Yes, please.

(door creaks)

Whew.

Hello again.

Yeah, you know what?

I don't want to take it back,
'cause it's the truth.

Since the second I met you,

You've made
everything in my life better.

So, ha, yeah.

I love ya.

Perry, I thought we agreed you
wouldn't page me during lunch,

And I wouldn't make you do
cool hip-hop handshakes. Fine.

Then I owe you
a fist bump and a "peace out,"

But in the meantime, I need
a surgical consult on a patient

With ulcerative colitis.
She is a lesbian.

Hey, babe. You ever thought
about being with another chick?

(scoffs) no, cole. Ew!

(whispers) oh!

I only tell you this

So that I can remain
relatively guilt-fre

For when you do inevitably stick
one of your size 13 caveman feet

Firmly into your own mouth.
I can handle a lesbian.

I'm a professional doctor.
Give me what you owe me.

Yeah, yeah...
Mm, solid.

Yeah!

All right, then,
books down, murderers.

It is time to show off

Your useless
regurgitation skills.

Dr. Mahoney
will be your proctor. There you go.

Try not to tell the test
that you're in love with it.

Sorry, dog. Already called
shotgun on the lesbian.

You can't call shotgun
on a person. All right, then. Dibs.

Damn it!

Dibs works.

Todd, I'll let you run point
on this, but you gotta be cool.

Hi.

I'm dr. Lesbian,
I'll be your lesbian.

I got it from here, todd.
(inhales deeply)

I said I've got it
from here, todd. Okay.

All right, then, gutter scum!
I just found this cheat sheet.

Any of you who left this room
during the test stays.

The rest of you, get out!

Out!

Now I-I gotta tell you
that I feel pretty confident

That I can maintain
a certain level of calm

If the owner of this
would simply admit to it.

Anyone?

(cell phone ringtone)
charles in charge... Go ahead and get that.

(beep)
hi, mom.

No, the test isn't over,
so I don't know my grade yet.

I'm so sorry.

It--it's really hard
to get her off the phone.

I get that. My mom's
the same way. Let me see.

(cell phone whooshes
and crashes)

That works.

(waz) I can't do this
all on my own

Just outside this hall,

So either we have
a matt damon-type custodian

With an extensive knowledge
of the central nervous system,

Or one of you cheated.
And since just last week,

I saw one of our fine janitors
eat a piece of chalk,

I'm guessing the latter.
He's the deal--

You're all going
to be locked in this room

Till one of you comes forward
and takes responsibility.

I hope you all think long
and hard about what you've done. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Butch, this happened
on your watch.

You're not going anywhere.
Would it make any difference

If I told you
I have a personal issue

That makes staying in here
really horrible for me?

It would make me
quite a bit happier. Ha!

Beth, this is dr. Turk.
How you doing?

She must be
your lady friend, huh?

(whispers) your lover.
(laughs)

(normal voice) I don't even know
why I whispered that.

I just don't know what you guys
call each other nowadays.

What is it?
Are you uncomfortable around lesbians?

What?! Me? Nah.
(giggles and snorts)

Uh, nicole, I'm gonna
run a series of tests on you,

But it would help me out a lot
if you could tell me

What type of stomach pain
you were having. It's not that bad, really.

The truth is, beth wanted me
to get checked out.

We're going on vacation
next week to ibiza

With a bunch
ofur girlfriends,

And all we do
is dance, drink...

And, uh...

Swim.

Are--are--are you okay,
dr. Turk?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I was just thinking about
my family vacation to ohio.

Yeah, we, uh...

We visited two science centers
and it was--it was a lot of fun.

My daughter got scared,
though,

So we had to spend
most of the time in the car.

It was pretty awesome.

(cole) 28... 29... 30!

Damn, trang!

You are impervious to pain!

Pay up, bitch!
Dr. Cox has to let us out eventually.

I mean, he can't
keep us here forever.

Can he?

Shea butter
and big floppy sun hats.

Oh, and I made a deal
with a witch.

How come witches
never offer me a deal?

I'm approachable.

Drew, come on.
Just admit you cheated.

It's okay.
You didn't have time to study.

You were out in a meadow

Pressing wildflowers
and writing love sonnets.

Yes, me telling you I love you
makes me a 19th-century dandy.

Hey, maya. You and trang
both left during the test.

Wherwere you?
Guys, we all left at some point.

She's right. We have to stop
turning on each other.

Especially since it's so obvious
that cole's the one who cheated.

I'm sure cole has
some great explanation.

Cole, what were you doing
in the bathroom? Doing my test prep.

Okay,
part one--dropping a "d."

Part two--
using the mnemonic skills

I picked up at a.D.D. Camp.

Okay, I remember the circulatory
system by nging nickelback.

this is how I remind me

of blood cells
and their jobs

lymphocytes and "t" cells

crushing cancer
on every level

Wow. That makes
a kind of horrible sense.

How'd that go for you?
Awkward or, uh, really awkward?

Neither.

(telephone rings)
super awkward.

Oh! (laughs)
look, nicole's colitis is pretty advanced

And surgery is too risky

Due to her diabetes
and thrombocytopenia. Well, just treat it

She must be in a lot of pain.
I wonder why she didn't tell me.

Maybe she did,
but you didn't hear her because

You were fantasizing about being
stranded on lesbian island. Is that a real place?

Because I can leave tonight.

What?
We're just hard-staring you away.

Ohh.

(gasps)

There's only one way
to prove your innocence.

It's a human
lie detector test.

I take your pulse and I ask you
some basic questions.

You can't tell if I'm lying.
I play online poker.

You ever kissed a dude?
No.

Lie.
It was a lacrosse initiation. I didn't even want to do it.

My god,
your pulse is racing. Hey, forget this, man!

I hope it was drew.

And I hope he gets
his butt thrown out of here. What did he do to you?

(whispers)
did he smack you around?

Worse. He told me he loved me.
Who does that?

Don't you see? He's trying
to get me to trust him

So then he can just
let me down. Crazy idea--you could just

Yeah, but then
if it doesn't work out,

I'll have to kill him,
go to jail, escape,

Come back and kill you
for giving me thatdvice. I love how our friendship is

But as much as they do
terrify me,

I'm gonna go ahead
and say it.

You and drew
are awesome together!

Quit being such a chicken
and just go for it.

Dude, you never told us
why you were in the bathroom. In the bathroom

Didn't you stop using
public toilets

Afteu lived in a gas station
bathroom for a month?

That's right.

It was your fun fact
at orientation.

Maya's fact was
she's colorblind,

And trang absorbed
his twin sister in the womb.

That's why he's so smart.
My boy's got two brains. (drew) that's not

Why are you lying, drew?
What are you covering up?

I was on the phone,
alright?

You made a phone call in
the middle of a test? To who? It doesn't matter!

Um...

I can still feel you
staring at me

Like a cheetah
stares at a gazelle.

I'm thinking.

Fine. (sighs)

What the hell. I'll tell
the jackass I love him.

It was a personal call,
and it's nobody's business.

It is our business
'cause you weren't on the phone,

You were cheating.
I wasn't cheating! I can prove it.

I was on the phone
with my divorce lawyer.

You're married?
A little.

You always
put yourself at risk

When you decide
to trust someone else.

Listen, I can explain.

(sig)

The good news is that
we can manage your colitis

With steroids. There are
some side effects, however,

Including fatigue, insomnia
and weight gain.

Isn't there an operation
I can have? Yes, there is.

But with
your preexisting condition,

Surgery could prove fatal.
Whether you're trusting a patient

To respond a certain way...

I don't care.
I want the surgery.

Or counting on your peers to
let an awkward moment go by...

Hey, how come you never
introduced us to your wife?

Oh, I get it.
Her face is busted, right?

I'm sick of this crap!
Now we all know I didn't cheat,

So it's gotta be one of you!

Maya? Trang? Lucy?

It wasn't me!

But the hardest thing is when
people put their trust in you

And you're the one
who's been lying all along.

How'd that hair taste?

Like regret...

And coconut,
because of my new conditioner,

But mostly like regret.
(sighs)

I never should've cheated.
What am I gonna do?

Hi, boys and girls.

(door closes)
anybody admit to anything yet?

Here's what I'm gonna do.

If someone doesn't tell me
who did it,

I'm gonna make you all
retake the test.

It's gonna be a new test.
It's gonna be ten times as hard.

It's not just gonna be
on medicine.

It's going to be
on everything--

Baseball statistics,
north dakota high schools,

The geography
of a made-up fantasy world

I like to call coxatopia.

That's a magic land

Where the rivers run of scotch
and hordes of pigs

Feed on the bones
of cheating med students.

Where is mahoney?
And drew?

Okay, yes, I have a wife.
Let's start there.

It was a drunken mistake.

I've been trying
to get out of it ever since.

What else
haven't you told me?

I mean, do you have any kids?
Have you robbed a bank?

Were you in a cult?
(laughs) no, no, and... I wouldn't call it a cult.

It was more like
a marketing opportunity

That ended with us
all living on a compound. Aw, what the hell?

Both of you get your asses
back in that room! No.

I'm gonna go ahead
and give you a pass

Because you have murder eyes,
but you... (whistles) go!

Bye-bye.

I just think choosing surgery
could kill you.

Talk to your lady sidekick.

What's the word
I'm looking for?

I don't want beth knowing
anything about this.

I want the surgery,

And there's nothing you can say
that'll change my mind.

Please tell me you've got
some good news for me

On this godforsaken day.
She's still refusing steroids.

I don't get it.
What are we missing? As usual,

She walked in off the street,
and you didn't take the time

To find out
anything about her.

She could be anybody--
a princess or a terrorist

Or a hot lesbian.
Bob, she is a hot lesbian.

I knew one day that example
would make sense. And we did talk to her.

About her condition,

But not about
what makes her tick.

(chuckles) you see,
in the old days,

When we knew everything
about a patient,

Their decisions
never surprised you.

You find out more
about that young lady,

I bet you'll find
the answer.

(superhero fanfare plays)

(lowers voice) if only there was
a way to learn more about her.

(normal voice)
to the internet!

I'm not like
your girlfriend dorian.

I don't roll like that.

All right. I'm just trying
to make it through the day.

As you please.

(denise) this is denise.

Leave a message
after the stupid beep.

(beep)

Denise, it's drew.

Look, if you're not
into me anymore, that's fine,

Because there are a lot of women
who get hot for married guys.

Ha ha ha.

Too soon, probably.

Look, um, I'm a jerk

And I'm a mess,

And... Please call me back.

(beep)

I can't take this anymore.
I have to turn myself in.

Oh, babe, babe.
You don't have to do that.

I do. It's not right.
Hey, guys.

I'm really sorry
I didn't say this hours ago,

But the truth is--
that I cheated.

All right, I told lucy earlier,
and she's been protecting me.

Boom. Twist.

Wow, the cheating cheater
who everybody thought cheated

Is the one who cheated.

You're right. Sweet twist.

Dr. Cox, check this out.
My god. Is that nicole?

Yes.

Is this why you don't want
to take steroids?

'cause you're worried about how
much weight you're gonna gain? That was eig years ago.

Beth has never known me like
this, and I don't want her to. We're talking

Beth is going to understand.

Before you make any decisions,
do yourself a favor

And talk it over
with your partner.

Partner. (snaps fingers)
thank you! "partner."

That's the word
I was looking for.

Partner! You guys are
lesbian partners... Together.

I'm-a just, uh, back out,
but think about it.

(lowers voice)
cole, what are you doing?

(lowers voice) baby, I'm
untouchable at this school.

I'll take the fall
for you. (sighs)

And because this is
so noble,

I'm gonna walk out
in dramatic slo-mo.

(fanfare playing)

(lucy) you can't let him
do this.

Just tell them.

I am the one who cheated!

No, out loud.
Tell them out loud.

It was me.

I was the one who cheated.

Are you sure?

Because we're all signed off
on cole taking the blame.

Yes, I did it.
I hate myself for it.

I'm so sorry.

It's just that
I am drowning here.

Ever since I got to med school,
everything's been a struggle.

I wanted a win,

Something
I could tell my mom about

Without being full of crap.

I'm really sorry, truly,

For putting you all
through this, and...

I'll go tell dr. Cox
I cheated.

Come on, what would
carla say if she found out

That you'd already
been married once before? Yo, whoa! Whoa!

If that gets back to carla,
I'm a dead man.

(laughs) talking about me
being married before carla.

Dr. Turk,
you were married before? We're talking here.

That's one
of carla's girlfriends.

I can't have that.
This is just as bad

As if I were
to call carla bitchy. You think carla's bitchy?

No! I didn't say--
sheila!

Just take your butt to where
it needs to be and stay there!

I just feel like I've finally
found someone I can trust,

And then he goes
and does this.

I mean, what am I
supposed to do now?

Look at
those two right there.

I hear ya. Everyone thinks
I'm a little butch anyway.

I mean,
I might as well dive in. (laughs) no. Denise, no, uh,

Nicole is one of my patients,
and she was willing

To risk death to keep her past
from her partner.

I just learned that word,
by the way--"partner." I'm proud of you.

Sometimes when you reacare
about someone,

I just learned that word,
by the way--"partner." you want them to know you

The best version
of yourself.

You ally gonna
blame drew for that?

Hey, guys,
have you seen dr. Cox?

He went back
to the lecture hall

Mumbling something about
feeding med students to pigs.

Great.

Deep breath.

I can do this.

Please tell me

Exactly what part
of "don't leave this room"

Is lost on you.

Look, dr. Cox--
go sit down.

Now since you all claim

That you have no idea
who the cheater is,

The re-exam will be
tomorrow morning at 4:00 a.M...

Outside...

Rain or shine.

Although, if I were you,
I'd plan for rain,

'cause I'm gonna bring
a hose.

(makes spraying sounds)

(door opens)

What the fraggle rock
just happened?

You guys didn't turn me in?

The truth is,
I'm drowning here, too,

And the only reason
I'm surviving is because of you.

I mean, this place is
straight up chuck norris--

Tough as balls.

We're all having trouble.

Even you, drew?

Nah, but, uh,
I've had, like,

15 second chances
in my life.

You deserve
at least one, right?

Just...
Don't do it again.

They say the truth
will set you free,

But sometimes you need
a little push.

She's gonna go with
the steroids.

Should we tell kelso
he was right? I'll just send him

I'm pretty sure
he doesn't even know

How to turn
his computer on. Mm.

Telling the truth's
just the beginning.

Owning it's the hard part.

Hey, mom. School's great.

(alexi murdoch)
what's been in my mind

Actually, uh...

It's a lot harder
than I thought, and...

I'm having
a really tough time.

Because the one thing
you can never run from

Is how you really feel.

Hey--
don't talk. I have something to say,

And and I don't want youn't,
to look at me,

And I don't want it
acowledged at all.

find

I love you.

what's been in my mind

Now don't talk to me
for a couple days.

as the days keep turning
into night

Carla, calm down.

Okay, I don't care
what sheila said.

I was never married
and I didn't call you bitchy.

I know she's
a good friend of yours,

But that woman is crazy, baby.
She's crazy!

No, I... What are you...

What the...

I'm-a...

Don't you hang up on me!

Don't--

(slams phone receiver)

Damn, my wife is annoying!

What do you say--

20 bucks a head,
you keep your mouth shut?

All right,
follow me to the a.T.M.

Come on.

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