All language subtitles for Scrubs s09e09 Our Stuff Gets Real.eng

Seriously, I'll beat you up.
Oh, sorry.

Okay, we gotta fix this tonight,
because tomorrow night's

Birthing class, and Wednesday night is pregnancy sex.
I'm really starting to enjoy that birthing class.

All the grunting and heavy breathing and--
you were the oy one doing that.

I was trying to get something going.
(beep)

Wait, what is that
walkie-talkie?

I told you to get a baby monitor.
Oh, this--better than a baby monitor.

It's long distance.
Where's the other one?

(beep)
(turk) jake cobra. Come in, jake cobra.

We've been compromised, panther claw.
(beep)

What else did your baby get
that we could play with?

Uh, just give him 30 c.C.'s

Of, uh, medicine, stat.

It's a little hospital issue
I'm dealing with.

(lucy) ben was our cadaver.

I'd met him on my first day
of medical school.

He was alive then,
and we connected.

You look like you could use a grape.
Thanks, ben.

So with ben,
I was the leader of our group.

Drew, isolate the tendon
of the brachialis,

And, cole, though I've
almost reconciled the fact

That you are both my...
Boyfriend and probably

The human being I respect
least on earth, you know,

Besides myself--
we didt twice this morning.

Nobody's ever cared about
anything you've ever said, ever.

That's it. Don't even
come by my room later.

Really?
No.

Attention, class.
That awesome!

Could we do that again, please?
For me? Please?

Just everybody act busy.
Act busy.

Eyes up! Don't disrespect me!

Yeah, that's right.

There'll be a quiz next class
on the structure of the heart.

Each member of your team will
have to dissect a chamber.

Daddy said if I get
my g.P.A. Up, I get a jet ski.

Me, not caring.
(pats chest)

Thought I was clear on that.
Anyway, my friend ben will propel our group

To the top of the class.

I'm so moved, I want to put
those feelings into words.

Dr. Turk, I can't wait to slice
up this old bastard's ticker.

Perfect.

(j.D.) elliot and I had missed

Our last few
pregnancy sex nights.

Tonight, I was ready.

Loose limbs make limber lovers.
(door opens)

Loose limbs make limber lovers.
(door closes)

I'm so sorry.
I was stuck at work,

And then on my way home, I got
a craving for cambodian food.

J.D., they had a salad
that's all beef.

There's not a frickin'
green thing in this.

Well, let's get this party started.

I am totally ready
to get dirty with you. (romantic music playing)

I don't know if you saw some
of the rose petals, but--

Mm-hmm. Oh, this is so good.
Yeah, um--over here.

And then--
go through here--

Oh, wait. Oh, okay.
(romantic music slows to a stop)

Just avoid the breast region.

They're big, but they're
not for touching--too sore.

And let's just
avoid the thighs.

They sort of
are like memory foam.

They leave a handprint.
And I have the elbows

Of a 75-year-old black man.
Honey, you look beautiful.

I'm sorry, sweetie. I just don't
feel super romantic right now.

Do you think it's okay
if we skip tonight?

Sure. This--this was all here
when I got home.

I promisyou,
after the baby comes,

Things are gonna go
back to normal, okay?

Make sure you chew.
Mm.

I'll get your hair
out of your way for you.

(mouth full) you want a bite,
sweet? It's so good.

No, thank you. I've already
had diarrhea today.

Mm. Well,
I've not pooped in a week.

So yes, j.D. And I are not
having sex right now,

But it's fine. I put it
right into my schedule

For after the baby's born.
What is that, a sex trapper keeper?

Oh, I wish. , it's my
postpregnancy action plan.

See? By week three, I'll have
lost all the baby weight.

Weeks four and five,
I'll be deep

Into my postpartum depression,
where I'll spend most of my time

Crying and then regaining
the baby weight.

And then something
will snap me out of it--

Probably a sunrise
or a hilarious e-card.

And then by week six,
we are back to nasty town.

Let's walk in silence maybe.
Yes.

Hi, mr. And mrs. Foster.
How are you feeling?

Oh, he won't stop complaining.

I've got lymphoma.
Well, I've got multiple myeloma.

You two, come on now.
Nobody wins at cancer.

That's like double
what you've got.

I likeo start every day
with an exercise in futility,

And to that end, johnny legacy,
ulcerative colitis--

Tell me the five--
(jordan, voice echoing) perry!

It's behind me, isn't it?

(lucy) with every couple,
there's the hard-a

And then the sweet one.

Come here. I can't deal
with this year's clump

Of ugly nerds eyeballing me.

Hot biscuits!
Cox is the sweet one?

You know that bag of bones
my sister danni married?

He died. She got nothing.

Burt died?

You're not listening.
Danni got nothing.

You need to do your will
so I can get all your stuff

Chop-chop!

Ma'am, if you need any help
through thisifficult time,

I'm here.
You're that aaronson kid.

Mm-hmm.
I remember your mom when she was wearing tube tops,

Giving it away to any guy
that would buy her a free steak.

She's so classy.

Oh, dear god, I love you.
(whispers) I love you.

So let me get this straight.

You and elliot aren't having sex
till after the baby's born?

Yes.
But who are you gonna have sex with then?

Oh, she's gonna watch
while you do other chicks.

No, no, todd. Neither one of us
is going to be having sex.

I gotta take a walk five.

(snaps fingers)
he's not taking it well.

All the baby books say we'll be
back to our normal sex life

In about six weeks.
J.D., those baby books are filled with lies.

You don't know. It's crazy.
You're gonna be changing diapers

Covered in spit-up, all right?

You're not gonna have sex for
a long, long, long, long time.

No hide the penny?

No.
No me girl, you boy?

No.
No dirty zulu warrior?

No, and that one's racist.

Well, I'm--I'm sure there'll
still be cuddling, right?

Turk, I'm a man.
I have needs.

Please say there'll be cuddling.
She'll have the baby to cuddle with.

That little bastard.

(j.D.) turk freaked me out
about what would happen

With elliot
after the baby came,

So I turned to my mentor.
Dorian, I do not need to hear the pathetic slap

And tickle of your
soon-to-be-vanished sex life.

I just feel like I'm racing
against the clock,

Like harrison ford in some kind
of... Harrison ford movie.

Talkin' pregnancy sex?

Yep, nothing like a girl
with a little junk in the front.

What are you,
some kind of pervy ninja?

Oh, thanks, man. Appreesh.

Hey, you know what
you should do?

Take your shorty on a babymoon.
What's a babymoon?

It's like a romantic trip
couples take

Before their baby's born.
That's not what I pictured.

Breast milk mojitos?

(burps)

You've had a few too many.
Drunk babies are hilarious.

You know, I haven't
bagged a preggers yet,

But I bet it's like
having sex with a water bed.

The baby bump actually has
the tension of an exercise ball.

I was a doula in madrid
for two years.

Oh, drew, so cool.
Been to europe.

Hey, just babymoon it,
dude, all right?

But don't--don't play any jazz
while you're having sex,

'cause I read on the web that
it will make the baby gay.

Makes babies gay,
ladies and gentlemen.

Jazz makes babies gay!

Future doctor.

You know, drew,

We haven't
really connected yet.

Nope.

Is that because
by sleeping with cole,

I've invalidated myself as a person?
Pretty much.

I get that.
So you ready for the big heart dissection tomorrow?

Totally. Plus my dad sent
a care package of smoked meats

From home, so I thought
afterwards maybe you,

Me and cole could go to the park
and have a sausage picnic. (grunts)

Okay, that sounded weird.
You know what else is weird

Is that you've been supervising
our group so much lately--

And you're doing it well, really--
yeah, drew, I'm with someone.

Not where I was going.
I was just gonna say that you

Haven't done any cutting
of our cadaver yet. Hmm.

I know. I'm psyched to get in there.
Hells, yeah.

My woman's gonna go all
edward scissorhands on his ass.

(imitates cutting noises)

(chuckles) I'll make it a hedge.
(imitating cutting noises)

Is he, like, really good in bed or something?
He'd have to be, right?

I'd hope so for your sake.

(continues imitating
cutting noises)

Hello.

My wife is making me
do a will,

So I'm going to need one of you
to act as my confidant

That I can talk at
but not listen to.

Well played, mr. Suffin.
Dr. Mahoney, it looks like

You're going to be my sounding
board. Congratulations.

Have fun.
You're dead to me.

So jordan is after my stuff,
but there is no way

That succubus is gonna get
my recliner after I die.

It is the one chair
I sit in when I wah tv

And yell at sports figures
and reality stars.

Fine.
Right before you kick it,

Stick a dead bird
underneath the cushion.

That'll get ripe real fast,

And you can sit back and watch
the whole show from hell.

Mahoney, you are a promising
young doctor, you are. (pager beeps)

(groans)

(monitor beeping)

(sighs)

I'm so sorry, mr. Foster.
We did everything we could.

Can I have a moment
to--to say good-bye?

Of course.

They were married 47 years.

Rdan and I have been
together for almost 30.

Yeah, but life expectancy for
people your age is excellent,

You know, unless you're
a type-a workaholic

In a high-stress job with,
like, a lot of built-up anger. Enough.

You're not crying, are you?

(voice breaking)
I was joking at first,

But, um, I'm just having
a pregnancy moment here.

I just... (sniffles)

I'm just really gonna
miss you when you're gone!

(crying)

I snuck into the lab to get
ready for tomorrow's exam.

Med students are told to keep
a cadaver's face covered

So it doesn't
feel too personal,

But ben didn't like it.

Oh, it's stuffy under there.

Sorry about that.
How you doing?

Not too shabby.
You know, I haven't cut you at all yet,

But, uh, I'm gonna
get in there tomorrow.

Lucy, we're friends.
It would be an honor.

Aw, ben, that's so sweet.

(stammering)
what are you doing here?

Were--were you talking
to your cadaver?

Uh, yeah. I thought I heard that
you were supposed to talk to it

Like a plant, so that
it will, you know... Grow.

What are you doing here?

Oh! I saw the light on,

'cause, you know, I was over
in my office workin',

'cause I work at night,
you know.

(beep)
(j.D.) I counted to 50. Ready or not, here I come.

(beep)
(whispering) you didn't see me, all right?

I wasn't here.

You'll do great tomorrow.
Thanks, ben.

Hello, wife face.

Your shift is over, and I'm
taking you on a babymoon.

(chuckles) what?
What are you talking about?

A babymoon is a vacation
you anyour loved one take

Right before your baby
comes out of your special area.

And the resort
I found is amazing.

They have horseback riding
and jet skiing.

Oh, is there also
a punching each other

In the stomach contest?
'cause that's another thing

That I can't do.
Well, we could have hotel sex. You like that.

We could do girl hair
with our towels.

We can turn the temperature
all the way down to 50

And then crank it back up to 80.
We'll be like gods controlling the weather.

Shall we go?
Yeah, let's go. (laughs)

(j.D.)
sometimes something small

Can represent
something much bigger...

Whether it's a pen that
represents your mortality...

Jordan, I...

I can't sign a will right now.

And as usual,
please don't call me back.

A suitcase that mocks your one
last gasp of coupledom...

Wait, what are we doing?
J.D., this is ridiculous.

We can't go on
a babymoon right now.

There's 9,000 things to do
before the baby comes.

We don't have time for this.

Or a tiny exam

That's a whopping 25%
of your final grade.

All right,
lucy bennett, you're up.

Let's see if you can
bring it home for the team.

(lucy) time to shine.
Here I come, ben.

Please don't cut me.

It's not right.

I-I'm sorry, dr. Turk.
I can't do this.

We have to do the babymoon.

Turk said that
once the kid's born,

Our lives are gonna change forever.
Yeah, turk also said

That "knight rider" was a documentary.
It's based on fact, elliot. Everybody knows that.

Plus once the kid's born,
you're gonna be obsessed.

You've probably already picked
out what she's gonna wear

On her first day of school.
So? That decision brands you forever. I still have

Night terrors about
my first day of high school.

I wore this suede fringe outfit
because of that movie

"can't buy me love." oh, j.D.,
it's the most amazing film.

Fade in--patrick dempsey, a fresh-faced nerd.
Elliot, do you think there's a patrick dempsey movie

I haven't seen?
J.D., I know that some couples don't make time

For each other as new parents,

But we're not gonna be
like that. We're different. Are you sure?

Because you also said
we were gonna be different

And not fight
the first year of marriage.

You did the laundry,
and you put my work socks

Beside my gym socks, and they
were touching in the drawer.

I mean, that's disgusting.
I had to throw them out.

Okay, I n't have time for this.

Lucy, you screwed us.
We're being graded as a team.

Ben's not just a grade to me.
He's a person.

Hey, this is bigger
than you or him.

This is about a jet ski, yo!
Cole, silence or punching. You know our deal.

This is ben's heart
we're talking about.

It's where he stores
his feelings and memories.

Ladies and gentlemen, apparently
the heart stores memories!

Future doctors!
(descending whistle)

Lucy, you have got to cut.

The jet ski is
the motorcycle of the sea!

Ow!

Pain is how we learn.

Hey, guys, I want you to meet me
in the o.R. In an hour.

Do I still have to hang out
with you as your confidant

Even though there's
not a chance in hell

You'reonna listen to anything I say?
Yes.

You know, just because one
of those old, married peop

Croaked doesn't mean you or jordan are gonna die.
I shouldn't have brought the will to the hospital.

It was a rookie mistake.
I mean, around here,

You just can't let your work
and your personal life overlap.

Yeah, that was always
ally mcbeal's problem, too.

It's so hard being
a working woman in the mid '90s.

That's it.
You're out as confidant.

I'd rather have dorian,
for god's sake.

Fine. I'm gonna tell him you said that.
No. No!

No!

I'm so glad you chose me
to confide in, perry.

Denise caught me up to speed.

By the by, I've got
some lady problems, too.

You do realize that by saying
something like that to me,

You're just continuing
the never-ending cycle of abuse?

I don't do it on purpose.
(j.D.) I do. I love the attention.

So I explained to elliot
that we have to make more time

For each other
before the baby comes,

D she won't listen to me.
Dorian, you're a fool.

Oh, why do you have
to be that way, perry?

(singsong voice) more, please!

A wife cannot hear logic
from her husband.

It must come
from someone else--

A friend, a stranger, oprah.
If barbie will not listen

To what's good for her, then you
just gotta make it happen.

You're good. I love
confiding with you, perry.

Let's do more later.
Ooh.

Call you.

Wow. Somebody is
really dehydrated.

I'm-a tell you
about my friend jake.

Jake and I have played
in a weekly basketball game

For about seven years. Our kids
go to the same school together.

He's really important to me,

And this is him right here.

?�? your minds are blown ?�?

So why are we going to be
looking into your friend's gs?

For lucy.

Look,
I know ben's real to you.

But your patients
are always gonna be real,

And the truth is, there are
gonna be many a times

Where you're gonna have to hurt
them in order to help them,

Like I'm doing
with my friend here.

I'll let you retake
the test again tonight. (gasps)

You ready?
Do blue crabs whistle?

They do, when you boil them alive.
(mouths word)

Yes, dr. Turk.
I won't let you down.

I'm gonna go study now.
Okay.

So this guy's a friend
of yours, huh?

No, I've never met him.

This is just some dude
with appendicitis.

?�? and he blows
your mind again ?�?

?�? ooh, again ?�?

Scalpel.

How you doing, mr. Foster?

I'm so sorry about penny.

You know, you always think

You're gonna have
just a little more time.

Yeah, I guess you do.

You know, he's right

About the whole
running out of time thing.

I guess, but having
a baby's not like dying.

(chuckles)

It's--
it's exactly like dying.

We have sam on the weekends.
We know how to handle it.

Yeah, but stepkids aren't
the same. They're a rental.

You gotta take mildly
good care of 'em,

Return 'em with a full tank
of gas and not too many dents.

I'll tell you what there,
barbie.

I'm gonna go ahead
and give you my own version

Of something
your husband told you

But you couldn't hear
because you're married to him.

After that baby comes,
nothing goes back to normal.

Time doesn't slow down.
It only gets faster.

And then 20 years later
you find yourself signing a will

And realizing that you didn't
spend nearly enough time

With the one person
you care most about.

God,
I wish j.D. Had said that.

Ah, don't blame yourself.
I can't understand him either.

Sounds like a bag of cats.

J.D., I got your page.
Look, before you say anything,

I wanted to tell you
I was wrong. I'm sorry.

Look, you know
this is what I do

Before big
life-changing events.

I get way inside my own head
and freak out.

Like three weeks
before med school started,

I got way into shoplifting
and watching anime pornography--

I mean, I'm talking some
weird-ass cartoons, man.

Anyway, I love you,
and I'm sorry

That I wasn't able
to hear you,

And I didn't mean
to ruin the babymoon.

You didn't. Panther claw,
the walrus has landed.

(beep)
(turk) roger that. We're set for go.

(beep)

(gasps) oh, my god, j.D.

(j.D.) I figured if you
couldn't go to the babymoon,

I'd bring the babymoon to you.

You did all this by yourself?

Well, I had a little help.

Denise brought
some nonalcoholic beer. (chuckles)

Yeah, I got it for this dude I'm
railing. He used to be an alkie.

Mm, probably not an appropriate
time to bring all that up,

But there it is.
Thank you.

And I brought some
sensual body chocolate.

Oh.

What's the situation
with those big ol' d's?

Got any milk yet?
He should go.

Get the hell outta here.

Shall we?
We shall.

(j.D.)
well have points in life

When things
get painfully real...

You ready?

Yep.

Ow. Ow!

Ben, I haven't even
touched you yet.

You're doing a great job.

When thinking about the end
makes you reevaluate the now.

There. I just signed
your ridiculous will.

But before I give it to you,

I'd like you
to make me a promise

That just you and I
can go away this weekend--

No kids.
The no-kids thing is not really a big deal,

'cause I don't see them
that much anyway.

But it would be really nice
to get away from the nannies.

Your will.
I'd like to propose a toast.

To our deaths--

May they be untimely
and inconvenient

For all our loved ones.

So sweet.

(clink)
I love you.

(laughs)

I guess you're just lucky
if you have someone

Who'll go along
for the ride with you.

I can't believe
we're having a baby.

I know.
It's pretty amazing, huh?

This is pretty awesome,
though, right?

I mean,
just as good as hotel sex.

You know, there is a hojo's
down the street--

Thin walls, scratchyowels,
sketchy types out front.

What do you say?

for motel sex?

Ooh.

It'll be like I'm a senator,
and you're a tobacco lobbyis

We should arrive separately.
(laughs)

Or you're a bored housewife,
and I'm a strapping drifr

Looking for a warm meal
and some comfort.

J.D., come here.

(lucy)
all my cutting problems over.

No more talking cadavers
for me.

There's nothing
to be scared of. (screams)

(screams) dr. D!
What are you doing here?

I'm playing
hide-and-seek with turk.

Don't tell him I'm here.
Close me up. Close me up!

(lowers voice) hey, if j.D.
Sees me, I wasn't here.

Close me up. Close me up!

He's never gonna find me.
He's never gonna find me.

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