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1
00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:05,536
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:19,218 --> 00:00:24,022
NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world
3
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:28,493
of what he believesto be reality.
4
00:00:30,062 --> 00:00:33,431
But... there is,
5
00:00:33,499 --> 00:00:37,935
unseen by most, an underworld.
6
00:00:38,003 --> 00:00:41,640
A place that is just as real
7
00:00:41,707 --> 00:00:45,744
but not as brightly lit.
8
00:00:45,811 --> 00:00:48,513
A dark side.
9
00:00:58,924 --> 00:01:01,593
(ball bouncing)
10
00:01:01,627 --> 00:01:03,562
�
11
00:01:06,565 --> 00:01:08,499
(ball bouncing)
12
00:01:21,613 --> 00:01:23,548
(dog barking outside)
13
00:01:28,954 --> 00:01:30,121
BOY:
Ten seconds left.
14
00:01:30,189 --> 00:01:32,891
Michigan, the Rat-Brains
lead by one.
15
00:01:34,326 --> 00:01:36,628
Jonathan Bender,
ace with the ball,
16
00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:38,596
crosses mid-court.
17
00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:39,930
Time running out,
18
00:01:39,998 --> 00:01:41,999
he fakes, breaks free,
and he's up!
19
00:01:42,034 --> 00:01:44,302
You, take the
garbage out.
20
00:01:44,403 --> 00:01:46,304
Fake, Bender passes
to fellow Hoosier.
21
00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:48,306
(chanting):
Hoosier! Hoosier!
22
00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:49,641
And there's a pass
right back.
23
00:01:49,775 --> 00:01:51,209
Yes, sirree, folks.
24
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,410
Ten seconds left.
25
00:01:52,478 --> 00:01:54,211
(chanting):
Bender! Bender!
26
00:01:54,313 --> 00:01:56,247
Bender!
You hear me, shrimp?
27
00:01:56,315 --> 00:01:58,015
Get the garbage.
28
00:01:58,083 --> 00:01:59,150
Goes to shoot.
29
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:01,052
Bender!
Three seconds.
30
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:02,487
He's planting
his feet.
31
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:05,590
He's poised. He's aiming.
Bender! Bender!
32
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:08,759
Bender! He goes to shoot.
He's up! He's up!
33
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:11,095
Bender! Bender!
Don't play ball in the house,
Jonathan.
34
00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:13,297
And he lets it go...
35
00:02:15,701 --> 00:02:17,969
Stupid kid!
36
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:19,637
I told you not to play
in the house.
37
00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:23,241
Sorry!
I told him not to play
in the house.
38
00:02:23,275 --> 00:02:24,909
(TV turns on)
No TV.
39
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:26,411
(TV turns off)
Ah, Dad.
40
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:27,912
Well, what am I supposed
to do, then?
41
00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:29,914
Go sit in a corner?
42
00:02:29,982 --> 00:02:31,916
Read a book.
Yeah.
43
00:02:31,984 --> 00:02:34,919
Shock us both,
make it a schoolbook.
44
00:02:36,455 --> 00:02:38,390
Can I have the sports section?
45
00:02:38,457 --> 00:02:40,057
No, you can have
the national news.
46
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,593
It's so boring.
47
00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:42,760
Then you can go to your room.
48
00:02:58,377 --> 00:03:00,812
Mom! Mom, get up here, you won!
49
00:03:00,913 --> 00:03:02,080
What is all the noise?
50
00:03:02,114 --> 00:03:03,781
Come on, Mom, get in gear!
51
00:03:03,849 --> 00:03:04,682
Hey, hey, don't talk
52
00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:05,817
to your mother
like that.
53
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:08,353
You didn't even see it,
Mr. Newspaper Reader.
54
00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:09,987
What's wrong?
55
00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:12,790
I won?
56
00:03:14,159 --> 00:03:15,627
I won!
57
00:03:15,694 --> 00:03:17,228
Oh, I won! I won! I won!
58
00:03:17,296 --> 00:03:18,396
We won!
59
00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:19,263
Yeah, we won!
60
00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:21,332
We won!
What are you doing?!
61
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,600
We won!
Yeah, you won!
62
00:03:22,668 --> 00:03:24,302
Let me see the ticket!
I want to see the ticket!
63
00:03:24,369 --> 00:03:25,970
Margery!
64
00:03:26,038 --> 00:03:27,972
Where is the ticket?
65
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:29,307
In my purse!
66
00:03:29,374 --> 00:03:30,875
I always keep it
in my purse.
67
00:03:30,943 --> 00:03:32,877
Jonathan, go upstairs,
get your mother's purse!
68
00:03:32,945 --> 00:03:34,546
Oh, Harlan.
69
00:03:34,613 --> 00:03:36,380
Harlan, I want a fur.
70
00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:38,883
I want a fur to wear
to the supermarket.
71
00:03:38,951 --> 00:03:42,219
I want to spend more time
in the frozen food section.
72
00:03:42,287 --> 00:03:43,721
We ain't
gettin' no furs.
73
00:03:43,789 --> 00:03:46,357
Oh, a fur.
74
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:48,692
Jonathan,
where's the ticket!
75
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,028
JONATHAN:
I can't find it.
76
00:03:50,095 --> 00:03:53,031
HARLAN:
Oh, you stupid kid!
77
00:03:53,098 --> 00:03:56,034
(loud clattering
from upstairs)
78
00:03:57,636 --> 00:03:58,937
(glass shattering)
79
00:03:59,004 --> 00:04:00,939
Eleanor.
80
00:04:01,006 --> 00:04:04,442
Remember that money you told me
not to waste on the lottery?
81
00:04:04,509 --> 00:04:07,111
Well, I did it anyway.
82
00:04:07,179 --> 00:04:10,114
I won the Pick Four Jackpot!
83
00:04:10,182 --> 00:04:12,116
(laughs)
We're gonna be rich!
84
00:04:12,184 --> 00:04:13,784
Isn't it wonderful?
85
00:04:13,852 --> 00:04:15,786
(line disconnects
dial tone hums)
86
00:04:15,854 --> 00:04:17,788
Mom, I found it!
87
00:04:17,856 --> 00:04:19,290
HARLAN:
Give me that!
88
00:04:19,358 --> 00:04:20,558
Get out of the way!
89
00:04:20,625 --> 00:04:22,126
JONATHAN:
Mom!
90
00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:32,136
(phone ringing)
91
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:43,147
(ringing continues)
92
00:04:43,215 --> 00:04:45,149
We don't want any!
93
00:04:45,217 --> 00:04:48,152
Who put this phone
back on the hook?
94
00:04:51,189 --> 00:04:52,957
(doorbell chiming)
95
00:04:53,024 --> 00:04:54,959
Your turn.
96
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:05,970
What is it now, Kopec?
97
00:05:06,038 --> 00:05:09,073
Man here to see you, Mr.
Bender, says it's important.
98
00:05:09,141 --> 00:05:11,009
If it's that guy
selling dental floss,
99
00:05:11,076 --> 00:05:12,743
no, I don't want
a year's supply.
100
00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:15,513
I'll give him
the brush-off?
101
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:16,247
(laughs)
102
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:17,849
(clears throat)
103
00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:19,450
Here's some more
telegrams for you.
104
00:05:19,517 --> 00:05:21,052
I wouldn't let the
boy deliver them.
105
00:05:21,153 --> 00:05:22,653
That's what I'm paying you for.
106
00:05:22,721 --> 00:05:23,854
Is this it?
107
00:05:23,889 --> 00:05:25,690
Could I interest
you in two tickets
108
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,525
to the Polish
security guard ball?
109
00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:30,461
(door slamming)
110
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,030
Aren't you even
going to read them?
111
00:05:33,098 --> 00:05:34,399
What's the point?
112
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,634
They're only from people
trying to sell us something.
113
00:05:36,702 --> 00:05:39,437
(over intercom):
Mom, I can't find
my I.U. T-shirt.
114
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,205
Hmm, small mercies.
Something to do.
115
00:05:41,273 --> 00:05:44,376
(doorbell chiming)
116
00:05:44,443 --> 00:05:46,711
Oh...
117
00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:47,979
What now, Kopec?
118
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:50,180
There's another guy
here to see you.
119
00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:52,283
Whoever it is, tell him
I'm not interested.
120
00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:55,353
Well, he says to tell Cuddles
that Tinker is here.
121
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:56,420
Cuddles?
122
00:05:56,488 --> 00:05:57,622
That's what he said.
123
00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,490
What's his name?
124
00:05:59,558 --> 00:06:01,325
Winston McNeely McGee.
125
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:03,428
Or that's what
he told me anyway.
126
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,796
You tell that son of a...
127
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,998
...the exact
average width.
128
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:09,200
Shoulder blade to
shoulder blade, 25 inches.
129
00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:11,069
A textbook
endomorphic-type man.
130
00:06:11,136 --> 00:06:12,670
Do you want me
to punch him?
131
00:06:12,738 --> 00:06:15,206
Winnie! Well, don't just
stand there-- come on in.
132
00:06:15,273 --> 00:06:16,440
Cuddles.
133
00:06:16,475 --> 00:06:17,608
Oh!
134
00:06:17,676 --> 00:06:18,509
(door slams)
135
00:06:18,577 --> 00:06:20,010
(groans)
136
00:06:22,013 --> 00:06:24,782
250 milligrams
of acetaphetamin,
137
00:06:24,850 --> 00:06:26,951
65 milligrams
of caffeine,
138
00:06:27,018 --> 00:06:30,120
uh, microcrystalline
cellulose, uric acid,
139
00:06:30,188 --> 00:06:32,256
250 milligrams of...
(gasps) um...
140
00:06:32,324 --> 00:06:35,059
Do you have any
acetylsalicylic acid?
141
00:06:35,126 --> 00:06:38,228
You want an aspirin,
right, Tinker?
Mm.
142
00:06:38,296 --> 00:06:40,130
Harlan, get Tinker
an aspirin.
143
00:06:40,198 --> 00:06:41,365
Margery!
144
00:06:46,171 --> 00:06:47,972
Well, look at you.
145
00:06:48,039 --> 00:06:51,476
You are still one
fine figure of--
146
00:06:51,543 --> 00:06:52,643
20% body fat
147
00:06:52,711 --> 00:06:55,179
and 80% mean and lean
tissue, Cuddles.
148
00:06:55,246 --> 00:06:57,482
Aw, you're sweet, Tinker.
149
00:06:57,549 --> 00:07:00,184
Oh, have I got
a headache! Mm!
150
00:07:00,251 --> 00:07:02,286
Mom!
151
00:07:03,622 --> 00:07:04,822
Where are you
going, sweetheart?
152
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:07,025
Oh, I'm going to go
play video games.
153
00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:08,826
Isn't he a
darling, Winnie?
154
00:07:08,894 --> 00:07:12,963
He's got his father's
nose, of course, but...
Mm-hmm.
155
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:15,833
MARGERY:
don't you think
he has my eyes?
156
00:07:15,901 --> 00:07:16,700
Oh, that's normal.
157
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:18,870
After all, with 23 sets
of chromosomes
158
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,738
in the gamete, the chances
of him looking
159
00:07:20,806 --> 00:07:24,342
exactly like either one of you,
are more than one in 900--
160
00:07:24,409 --> 00:07:27,879
oh, actually,
it's 7,976,400.
161
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,214
Oh, my head!
162
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:30,915
Ow.
163
00:07:31,016 --> 00:07:32,583
Ow, ow, ow!
164
00:07:32,651 --> 00:07:34,318
(squealing)
165
00:07:34,386 --> 00:07:36,554
(squealing and groaning)
166
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,989
Oh... ah.
167
00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:43,928
Here's your aspirin.
Oh.
168
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:45,763
Now get out of here.
169
00:07:45,831 --> 00:07:47,532
MARGERY:
Harlan.
170
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,667
We haven't seen
Winnie for a while.
171
00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:51,936
And I want him to stay.
172
00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:53,872
Well, what
does he want?
173
00:07:53,939 --> 00:07:55,373
It's pretty nervy
Winnie showing up here
174
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,841
after all these years.
175
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:58,343
The man who tried
to cuckold me
176
00:07:58,410 --> 00:07:59,710
the night before
our wedding.
177
00:07:59,778 --> 00:08:01,880
Primates.
Primates, Harlan.
178
00:08:01,947 --> 00:08:05,383
Did you know primates
first stood, walked and ran
179
00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:08,820
on two legs more than
three million years ago?
180
00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:11,856
Evolving from
Australopithecus
africanesis
181
00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:14,725
to Homo erectus, Homo
sapiens, Neanderthal,
182
00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:17,095
all the way up
to modern man?
183
00:08:17,162 --> 00:08:21,366
A genus that could one day be
known as the Harlan Benderus.
184
00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:23,567
(laughing)
Tinker, what's
gotten into you?
185
00:08:23,635 --> 00:08:24,802
Are you sick?
186
00:08:24,870 --> 00:08:26,570
Sick?
187
00:08:26,638 --> 00:08:27,538
(laughing maniacally)
188
00:08:27,606 --> 00:08:29,407
No. Never better.
189
00:08:29,474 --> 00:08:30,808
Never smarter.
190
00:08:30,876 --> 00:08:33,077
In fact, the portion
of my central nervous system
191
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:34,712
in the vertebrate
cranium responsible
192
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:36,647
for the interpretation
of sensory impulses,
193
00:08:36,714 --> 00:08:38,582
the coordination
of bodily activities,
194
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:40,918
the exercise of thoughts
and emotions,
195
00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:43,888
have never ever
been this better.
196
00:08:43,989 --> 00:08:46,424
Ha, ha!
Oh! Oh!
197
00:08:46,491 --> 00:08:47,825
HARLAN:
I don't believe this.
198
00:08:47,893 --> 00:08:49,660
(pills rattling)
Margery, what's
wrong with him?
199
00:08:49,728 --> 00:08:54,298
Harlan, I've got the whole
world... in my head.
200
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,202
Now, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
201
00:08:58,270 --> 00:09:00,672
HARLAN:
If you've come for money,
Winnie, forget it.
202
00:09:00,739 --> 00:09:04,541
Harlan, it's power,
203
00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:07,812
centrifugal force,
the universe.
204
00:09:12,317 --> 00:09:14,418
I want you to help me
conquer the world.
205
00:09:14,486 --> 00:09:16,120
Hey, neato. How?
206
00:09:16,221 --> 00:09:17,788
Go to your room.
207
00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:19,023
Oh, Dad.
208
00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:20,424
HARLAN:
Go!
209
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,930
You, get the hell
out of my chair!
210
00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:30,868
(busy signal)
211
00:09:30,936 --> 00:09:32,036
Did you know
212
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:34,872
the first automatic
213
00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:39,042
telephone switchboard
was installed in 1892
214
00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:40,244
in La Porte, Indiana?
215
00:09:40,311 --> 00:09:42,179
Now think about that.
Don't!
216
00:09:42,314 --> 00:09:44,015
(phone ringing)
Don't!
217
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:47,952
No, we don't want
any computer stock.
218
00:09:48,053 --> 00:09:49,320
Winnie, I'm a busy man.
219
00:09:49,387 --> 00:09:50,755
What do you want?
220
00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:53,891
Harlan, I am offering you
a partnership
221
00:09:53,959 --> 00:09:56,027
in something that will
change the world.
222
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,929
You said we should be
looking for something
223
00:09:57,996 --> 00:09:59,030
worthwhile, Harlan.
224
00:09:59,097 --> 00:10:01,332
Yeah, but not with
this crazy bozo.
225
00:10:01,399 --> 00:10:03,400
JONATHAN:
Dad, can I come down now?
No!
226
00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:09,306
Harlan, I want you to
help me conquer the world.
227
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:10,708
You're wasting your time.
228
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,610
Mom, can I come down now?
229
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:13,544
No!
230
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:14,912
JONATHAN:
Mom?
231
00:10:14,980 --> 00:10:16,714
I invented something, see?
232
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,316
And when I heard about you
winning all that money...
233
00:10:19,384 --> 00:10:21,251
You thought you could take
some of it away from me
234
00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:23,120
like you tried to take
Margery away from me.
235
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:25,556
I thought we put
that to bed.
236
00:10:25,624 --> 00:10:26,691
No!
237
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:28,059
Oh! No.
238
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,562
I want to make money for you.
239
00:10:31,663 --> 00:10:33,264
(sighs)
240
00:10:33,331 --> 00:10:36,834
I can give you
the world, Harlan.
241
00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:38,069
Trust me.
242
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,470
(sighs)
243
00:10:39,537 --> 00:10:43,340
We can own the world!
244
00:10:43,408 --> 00:10:44,542
(laughing)
245
00:10:44,609 --> 00:10:45,610
The two of us,
246
00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:47,812
if you'll just give me
a little financial help.
247
00:10:47,946 --> 00:10:49,313
See, I invented
248
00:10:49,381 --> 00:10:54,318
a drug,
and it gives me total recall.
249
00:10:54,386 --> 00:10:56,053
I bet you know
the way out, then.
250
00:10:57,656 --> 00:10:59,990
What is intelligence?
251
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:03,961
A capacity to acquire
and apply knowledge.
252
00:11:04,029 --> 00:11:06,397
I got the secret to acquisition.
253
00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:07,465
(chuckles)
254
00:11:07,532 --> 00:11:09,100
Out of here, Tinker.
255
00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:11,234
Oh, Harlan,
remember your manners.
256
00:11:11,302 --> 00:11:12,770
You go ahead, Winnie.
257
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,172
Tell Harlan all about
your little invention.
258
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:18,175
In fact, why don't you two
just discuss a little business
259
00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:20,211
while I go
and freshen up?
260
00:11:22,347 --> 00:11:23,580
(cracking knuckles)
261
00:11:23,615 --> 00:11:24,515
All right, Winnie.
262
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:25,950
JONATHAN:
Dad, can I come down now?
263
00:11:26,017 --> 00:11:26,717
No!
264
00:11:26,818 --> 00:11:28,385
You won't
regret it, Harlan.
265
00:11:28,453 --> 00:11:30,454
I'm talking about
the optimization
266
00:11:30,521 --> 00:11:32,223
of the human computer.
267
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:35,927
The ability to search
one's lifetime library
268
00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:37,728
of learning and experience.
269
00:11:37,796 --> 00:11:38,729
Winnie, please!
270
00:11:40,165 --> 00:11:43,700
You want to know who the
first six kings of England were?
271
00:11:43,768 --> 00:11:45,303
Egbert, Aethelwulf, Aethelbald,
272
00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:47,571
Aethelberht,
Aethelred the First and Alfred.
273
00:11:47,639 --> 00:11:49,140
(laughing)
274
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,307
You want to know, uh,
275
00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:52,142
the time the United States
had two presidents?
276
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,277
Who cares?
277
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,979
I-I-I can
name you...
278
00:11:55,046 --> 00:11:57,314
I can name you the
U.S. Open golf champions
279
00:11:57,382 --> 00:11:59,183
from 1895 to date.
280
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,552
Rawlins, Foulis, Herd,
Lloyd, Smith, Anderson.
281
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:03,053
Uh, uh, no,
wait a minute.
282
00:12:03,121 --> 00:12:04,421
Uh, I forgot,
uh, 1900.
283
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:05,690
That was the Brit--
Vardon.
284
00:12:05,757 --> 00:12:07,291
Then comes Anderson.
285
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:09,060
Winnie, will you
cut it out, please?
286
00:12:09,127 --> 00:12:12,563
Harlan, this is the key
to conquering the world!
287
00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:15,833
1877-- Rutherford B. Hayes
and Ulysses S. Grant
288
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,535
were both president
for a day.
289
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:18,502
You know what?
290
00:12:18,570 --> 00:12:20,605
I learned that
one time hearing
291
00:12:20,672 --> 00:12:22,706
on the television--
a quiz show.
292
00:12:22,774 --> 00:12:23,908
(laughing)
293
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,576
Listen to this.
294
00:12:25,643 --> 00:12:28,478
(squawking like a bird)
295
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:31,448
(dog barking)
296
00:12:31,516 --> 00:12:33,283
(continues squawking)
297
00:12:33,351 --> 00:12:34,418
(dog barking)
298
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,153
Well, that's the
closest I can come
299
00:12:36,221 --> 00:12:38,122
to a ruffneck
grouse mating call.
300
00:12:38,189 --> 00:12:39,490
I heard that once
301
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:42,192
right outside
my bedroom window in 1954.
302
00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:43,761
Can you do a bald eagle?
303
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:45,630
(sighs)
Medicine.
304
00:12:45,697 --> 00:12:47,031
Education.
305
00:12:47,098 --> 00:12:49,634
I... I am talking
about the upwelling
306
00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:51,368
of the unconsciousness.
307
00:12:51,436 --> 00:12:54,539
The ability
to remember everything!
308
00:12:54,606 --> 00:12:58,242
(chuckles) You can win
every quiz show on television.
309
00:12:58,309 --> 00:13:02,379
Knowledge is power,
Harlan.
310
00:13:02,447 --> 00:13:05,883
But it does make
my head ache!
311
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,184
(heavy thud)
312
00:13:07,252 --> 00:13:08,519
Everything you ever read,
313
00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:10,755
ever saw, ever heard,
ever overheard
314
00:13:10,822 --> 00:13:13,824
is locked in your brain
right now.
315
00:13:13,892 --> 00:13:16,861
Everything that you encounter
from this day on
316
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:19,129
will be parked
in your memory bank,
317
00:13:19,197 --> 00:13:21,432
and only you
can get fast takeout!
318
00:13:21,499 --> 00:13:23,067
(laughs)
319
00:13:23,134 --> 00:13:25,302
Oh, my.
320
00:13:26,971 --> 00:13:31,275
These capsules will unlock
all that information,
321
00:13:31,342 --> 00:13:34,011
and then we can rule
the world, Harlan!
322
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:35,746
(laughing maniacally)
323
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:40,584
(laughing)
324
00:13:40,652 --> 00:13:42,153
You take one
of these capsules...
325
00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:44,755
and the blocks
326
00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:47,624
between your brain cells
are weakened for an hour.
327
00:13:47,692 --> 00:13:50,861
20 of them, and you are
a super-genius for life.
328
00:13:50,929 --> 00:13:53,030
You'll remember everything.
You won't forget.
329
00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:54,531
You'll remember
that first slap
330
00:13:54,599 --> 00:13:56,333
that the nurse gave you
on your naked bottom
331
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,501
that started you breathing
332
00:13:57,568 --> 00:13:58,936
to the name of the nurse
that took you out
333
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:00,070
to your father's
four-door.
334
00:14:00,138 --> 00:14:02,739
Who wants to remember that?
335
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:06,276
Harlan,
let's talk money.
336
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:11,515
I know more
about the Fortune 500
337
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:13,784
than any insider
on Wall Street.
338
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:15,886
I can give you
the long-term cycles
339
00:14:15,954 --> 00:14:19,924
of every stock
on every stock exchange.
340
00:14:19,991 --> 00:14:24,327
I've got them all
in my head right now.
341
00:14:24,395 --> 00:14:26,129
I even know
the private broker signals.
342
00:14:26,197 --> 00:14:28,799
Wave up for buy.
Wave down for sell.
343
00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:31,068
Harlan, give me
a million dollars.
344
00:14:31,135 --> 00:14:32,903
No!
345
00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:34,071
What? Just
a million.
346
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:35,605
You can spare it.
347
00:14:35,673 --> 00:14:36,940
Besides, I'll
double it in a week.
348
00:14:37,008 --> 00:14:39,709
In a year, we'll have
a billion dollars.
349
00:14:39,777 --> 00:14:41,645
A billion dollars!
350
00:14:41,713 --> 00:14:43,280
You hear that,
Margery?
351
00:14:43,347 --> 00:14:46,283
Hey, he's going to make us
even more popular with the IRS.
352
00:14:46,350 --> 00:14:48,385
So, we'll income average.
353
00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:50,221
No, no, no, no.
Forget taxes!
354
00:14:50,288 --> 00:14:54,091
I know loopholes you can drive
an armored truck through.
355
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:54,991
Think, Harlan.
356
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,994
Think what a super genius
357
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:59,362
could do with
a billion dollars!
358
00:14:59,430 --> 00:15:01,732
I don't think I want you
running the world, Tinker.
359
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,300
Do you want to?
360
00:15:03,368 --> 00:15:04,535
JONATHAN (over intercom):
Dad, can I come down now?
361
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,604
No!
You will.
362
00:15:06,671 --> 00:15:08,738
After you take one
of these capsules,
363
00:15:08,806 --> 00:15:12,576
you'll be able to see
everything at once!
364
00:15:12,643 --> 00:15:16,179
I mean, you'll get the
big picture, Harlan.
365
00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:19,216
I'll sell you the whole
bottle for $500,000.
366
00:15:19,284 --> 00:15:21,852
And then we'll both
be super geniuses.
367
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,221
One of these,
and I'll remember everything
368
00:15:24,289 --> 00:15:25,922
for an hour, right?
369
00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:28,625
Hmm. With you,
five minutes would be enough.
370
00:15:30,595 --> 00:15:33,797
The first one's on me.
Be my guest.
371
00:15:33,864 --> 00:15:34,565
Will my head hurt?
372
00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:36,299
What is a little headache
373
00:15:36,367 --> 00:15:38,568
when you can rule the world?
374
00:15:38,636 --> 00:15:40,804
(laughs)
Harlan, rule the world?
375
00:15:41,639 --> 00:15:42,973
Come on, Harlan.
376
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,775
$100,000.
377
00:15:44,842 --> 00:15:46,009
That's all I need.
378
00:15:46,077 --> 00:15:47,311
(stammers)
379
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:49,079
There is no limit!
380
00:15:49,147 --> 00:15:51,915
Just--
Harlan, come here.
381
00:15:51,983 --> 00:15:54,184
Just take one.
382
00:15:54,252 --> 00:15:56,754
It is too good
to be true!
383
00:15:56,821 --> 00:15:58,489
Try it.
384
00:15:58,556 --> 00:16:00,324
You're crazy, bozo.
385
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:01,759
Get that candy
out of my face.
386
00:16:01,826 --> 00:16:03,093
No. What are you doing?
387
00:16:03,161 --> 00:16:04,895
Harlan!
HARLAN: Kopec,
get in here!
388
00:16:04,963 --> 00:16:07,698
(grunting)
What?
389
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:09,866
Ow!
390
00:16:10,702 --> 00:16:13,837
Kopec!
Hey, Kopec!
391
00:16:13,904 --> 00:16:16,073
All right,
what's the problem?
392
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,008
He's the problem!
Get him out of here!
393
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,177
All right. Come on.
394
00:16:20,244 --> 00:16:21,479
Harlan Bender,
395
00:16:21,546 --> 00:16:23,246
don't you dare throw Winnie
out of this house!
396
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:24,915
He's almost family.
397
00:16:24,983 --> 00:16:27,518
All right. You're coming
with me, you little weenie.
Ow.
398
00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:30,120
KOPEC: Come here.
Harlan, don't dare let him
take him like that!
399
00:16:30,188 --> 00:16:31,288
Listen to me.
400
00:16:31,356 --> 00:16:35,559
There's 483,122 security cops
in this country.
401
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:38,061
Just drive him out of town and
dump him in some garbage site.
402
00:16:38,129 --> 00:16:40,997
...of every hundred cops
get hurt bad, really bad.
403
00:16:41,065 --> 00:16:42,666
(shouting)
(body thuds)
404
00:16:43,935 --> 00:16:48,171
You had no reason
to treat Winnie like that.
405
00:16:48,239 --> 00:16:52,776
We have more money than we
even know what to do with.
406
00:16:52,844 --> 00:16:54,277
Couldn't you have
given him a couple
407
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:57,548
of lousy hundred
thousand dollars?
408
00:16:57,615 --> 00:17:01,318
JONATHAN:
I'm tired of being locked in
my room. Can I come down now?
409
00:17:01,386 --> 00:17:03,220
No!
Yes!
410
00:17:03,287 --> 00:17:05,622
(door opens, then closes)
411
00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:08,525
Clean up that mess
for your mother, will you, dear?
412
00:17:08,593 --> 00:17:09,893
And look at yourself.
413
00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:12,896
Standing there, looking
like some dance hall floozy.
414
00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:19,603
Come on, Margery. I didn't
mean anything by it.
415
00:17:19,671 --> 00:17:22,706
I'm sorry about poor Winnie,
but forget him, okay?
416
00:17:22,774 --> 00:17:24,741
We're rich.
417
00:17:24,809 --> 00:17:27,377
Why don't we start living
as though we were rich?
418
00:17:27,445 --> 00:17:29,680
Well, it's about time.
419
00:17:29,747 --> 00:17:30,915
You know what?
Hmm?
420
00:17:30,982 --> 00:17:32,883
I'm going to take you
for a pizza.
421
00:17:32,951 --> 00:17:34,217
A pizza?
422
00:17:34,285 --> 00:17:36,787
Yeah. We'll fly
to New York.
423
00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:38,388
We'll have a pizza.
424
00:17:38,456 --> 00:17:41,725
We'll go to a show with music
and a couple of lights.
425
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:43,493
Well, what
about Jonathan?
426
00:17:43,561 --> 00:17:44,628
We'll get a babysitter.
427
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:46,763
Mrs. Turner will be happy
for the work.
428
00:17:46,831 --> 00:17:48,399
On such short notice?
429
00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:50,033
Oh, come on.
430
00:17:50,101 --> 00:17:52,936
Oh, Harlan, let's do it.
It sounds like fun.
431
00:17:53,004 --> 00:17:54,571
Let's really live.
432
00:17:54,639 --> 00:17:56,640
Aw...
433
00:17:56,707 --> 00:18:00,377
JONATHAN:
The airline number
is 555-0404.
434
00:18:00,444 --> 00:18:03,847
Mrs. Turner is 555-1645.
435
00:18:03,915 --> 00:18:09,353
And the Broadway ticket office
is 1-800-276-3939.
436
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,188
Flying time from here
to New York
437
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:14,291
with consideration for wind
direction and velocity
438
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,193
is three hours, 27 minutes.
439
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,727
If you leave within the hour,
440
00:18:17,795 --> 00:18:20,197
you'll make the
8:00 curtain call.
441
00:18:24,101 --> 00:18:27,204
You know, on top
of everything else,
442
00:18:27,271 --> 00:18:29,139
these taste terrific.
443
00:18:42,153 --> 00:18:44,755
No, don't
trouble yourself.
444
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:50,894
I can only
stay a minute.
445
00:18:50,962 --> 00:18:53,230
I was on my way to
an important business meeting,
446
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,566
and I had Kopec
bring me by.
447
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,968
How are you, Mom?
Dad?
448
00:18:58,036 --> 00:18:59,403
Everything's fine.
449
00:18:59,470 --> 00:19:00,637
Great.
450
00:19:00,705 --> 00:19:02,273
My accountant tells me
451
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:04,041
that you've been touching
your living allowance
452
00:19:04,108 --> 00:19:06,009
a little too heavily
for liquor.
453
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:09,179
You want
to watch that, now?
454
00:19:09,247 --> 00:19:10,780
We will.
455
00:19:10,848 --> 00:19:14,017
Good. I appreciate that.
456
00:19:14,085 --> 00:19:16,686
Do you know the mistake
Winnie made?
457
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:19,089
He didn't realize that his drug
would work that much better
458
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:20,657
on a brain that's still growing.
459
00:19:20,725 --> 00:19:23,627
His brain overloaded.
Couldn't take it.
460
00:19:23,694 --> 00:19:27,097
But me?
That's another story.
461
00:19:27,199 --> 00:19:30,167
Uh, Jonathan,
it was sweet of you
462
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:32,469
to bring
this week's groceries.
463
00:19:32,537 --> 00:19:34,638
I almost forgot why I came.
464
00:19:34,705 --> 00:19:35,672
(laughs)
465
00:19:36,908 --> 00:19:38,175
That's a joke.
466
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:39,476
(chuckles nervously)
467
00:19:39,544 --> 00:19:41,744
Kopec?
468
00:19:46,217 --> 00:19:48,551
I thought you'd like a final
copy of the court order
469
00:19:48,619 --> 00:19:52,189
making me
your legal guardian.
470
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,858
Cost me a quarter
of a million dollars
471
00:19:54,926 --> 00:19:57,661
and set three precedents,
but it was worth it.
472
00:19:57,729 --> 00:20:00,063
Now we can get on
to the important business.
473
00:20:01,832 --> 00:20:04,168
(fastens briefcase)
474
00:20:04,235 --> 00:20:05,802
Let's be going, Kopec.
475
00:20:07,805 --> 00:20:10,006
I don't want to be late
for the stockholder's meeting.
476
00:20:10,074 --> 00:20:12,476
Heads are going
to roll.
477
00:20:12,577 --> 00:20:13,744
Jonathan...
478
00:20:13,811 --> 00:20:16,279
with your father
not working,
479
00:20:16,347 --> 00:20:18,682
and, uh, our not
going out very much,
480
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:20,684
there's very little to do.
481
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:23,420
Do you think
we could, uh,
482
00:20:23,487 --> 00:20:26,489
afford cable
for the television?
483
00:20:26,557 --> 00:20:28,692
Nope.
484
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,294
No cable TV.
485
00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:34,130
You could always
read a book.
486
00:20:40,438 --> 00:20:42,373
Right?
487
00:21:17,308 --> 00:21:21,044
NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.
488
00:21:21,112 --> 00:21:23,580
Waiting for us to enter.
489
00:21:23,647 --> 00:21:26,816
Waiting to enter us.
490
00:21:26,884 --> 00:21:33,056
Until next time, tryto enjoy the daylight.
45295
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