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00:00:02,112 --> 00:00:04,046
[cheers and applause]
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00:00:04,081 --> 00:00:07,750
It's The Johnny Karate SuperAwesome Musical Explosion Show.
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00:00:07,785 --> 00:00:08,913
[cheers and applause]
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00:00:09,065 --> 00:00:11,499
Now, to introduce your host,
Johnny Karate,
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00:00:11,534 --> 00:00:15,170
here is me, Perd Hapley!
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00:00:16,472 --> 00:00:18,073
Silence!
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00:00:18,107 --> 00:00:20,842
Welcome to the only show
that's all about learning,
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00:00:20,877 --> 00:00:23,445
music, animals, fireworks,
water skis,
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00:00:23,479 --> 00:00:26,648
and above all, ice cream, pizza,
10
00:00:26,682 --> 00:00:28,416
ninjas, getting stronger,
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00:00:28,451 --> 00:00:30,785
sharks versus bears,
and above all...
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00:00:30,820 --> 00:00:32,988
karate!
All: Hiya!
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00:00:33,022 --> 00:00:35,924
Now, why don't you kids
help me sing The Welcome Song!
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00:00:35,958 --> 00:00:37,592
Let me just grab my guitar.
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00:00:37,627 --> 00:00:39,361
[gasps]
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00:00:39,395 --> 00:00:41,229
Someone has stolen my guitar.
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00:00:41,264 --> 00:00:42,731
[all gasping]
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00:00:42,765 --> 00:00:46,601
This seems like a case
for Special Agent...
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00:00:46,636 --> 00:00:47,569
Burt Macklin.
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00:00:47,603 --> 00:00:53,308
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:53,342 --> 00:00:55,744
I don't give a crap, Batman.
You work for me.
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00:00:55,778 --> 00:00:59,448
Increase the perimeter!
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00:00:59,482 --> 00:01:01,650
Macklin, the President's
called six times.
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00:01:01,684 --> 00:01:03,084
If we don't get
that guitar back,
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00:01:03,119 --> 00:01:04,719
the peace in Iraq
will be canceled.
26
00:01:04,754 --> 00:01:06,354
Get off my back, Chief!
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00:01:06,389 --> 00:01:07,756
I'm doing the best I can.
28
00:01:07,790 --> 00:01:09,991
I don't play by the rules.
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00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:11,593
But I get results.
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Dang it!
You're right again, Macklin.
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00:01:13,229 --> 00:01:14,462
And I'm sorry.
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00:01:14,497 --> 00:01:15,897
You're the best agent I've seen.
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00:01:15,932 --> 00:01:18,300
And I've worked with James Bond.
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- This clue may help.
- Mm.
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It was left at the crime scene.
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00:01:21,571 --> 00:01:23,471
You're dismissed.
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00:01:23,506 --> 00:01:27,776
This case just keeps getting
deeper and deeper.
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00:01:27,810 --> 00:01:29,911
I'm drowning
in the adult end of the pool,
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00:01:29,946 --> 00:01:32,581
and the lifeguard's off
in the bathroom pooping.
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00:01:32,615 --> 00:01:35,517
[laughter]
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00:01:35,551 --> 00:01:37,285
That's good writing.
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00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,321
Johnny Karate's guitar
has been stolen.
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That instrument is worth
literally $900 million.
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00:01:42,258 --> 00:01:44,793
But more importantly, he can't
play The Good-bye Song
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00:01:44,827 --> 00:01:45,760
without it.
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00:01:45,795 --> 00:01:47,329
So, by the time this show
is over,
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I will find who stole it,
and they will pay
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00:01:49,565 --> 00:01:51,032
the ultimate price.
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00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:54,870
A one-way ticket
to the Funky Monkey Dunk Tank!
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All that and more,
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00:01:56,372 --> 00:02:01,409
on The Johnny Karate SuperAwesome Musical Explosion Show!
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00:02:01,444 --> 00:02:04,713
It's time to punch boredom
in its stupid face
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00:02:04,747 --> 00:02:07,015
Jump, kick, punch, and jump
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00:02:07,049 --> 00:02:10,151
And drop-kick sadness
into outer space
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00:02:10,186 --> 00:02:12,420
Punch, kick till you drop
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00:02:12,455 --> 00:02:15,590
It's the Johnny Karate
Super Awesome
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00:02:15,625 --> 00:02:19,928
Musical Explosion Show
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So, karate masters, you are here
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00:02:21,597 --> 00:02:24,466
for an extra-awesome
and super-special episode
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00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:25,767
of Johnny Karate.
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00:02:25,802 --> 00:02:27,536
[cheers and applause]
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And that is because
it's my final show.
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All: Aw.
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00:02:31,908 --> 00:02:33,308
Don't look glum.
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00:02:33,342 --> 00:02:36,244
In a couple of weeks, I'll be
moving to Washington, D.C.
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It's the capital
of the entire world.
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They have things there
like this white house
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and this mental institution
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00:02:46,222 --> 00:02:48,824
and my very favorite,
the Lincoln Memorial.
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It's this crazy statue
of this giant monster
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sitting on a chair
that represents
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all of America's enemies.
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I'll be moving
to Washington, D.C.,
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00:02:55,932 --> 00:02:57,966
because my wife,
April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer,
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has accepted
an amazing job there.
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I'm very proud of her
and totally in love.
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00:03:01,971 --> 00:03:04,773
April, why don't you come on out
and talk to the children?
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00:03:04,807 --> 00:03:06,174
Take a bow for being so cool.
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00:03:06,209 --> 00:03:08,477
Hey, Johnny!
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So, since it's your final show,
I wanted to do
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one last extra-special
April's Animal Corner.
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[children gasp]
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That's right.
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This week
I brought one of the scariest,
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weirdest animals
in the whole world--
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a goliath
bird-eating tarantula.
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All: Wow!
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Ah!
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Now, the name, "goliath"
means "giant."
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00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:34,503
And you can see that--
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00:03:34,537 --> 00:03:36,638
- Andy, where is it?
- What?
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00:03:36,672 --> 00:03:38,173
- Uh-oh.
- Where is it?
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Don't look at me.
I don't know what happened.
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00:03:39,475 --> 00:03:41,243
I took it out to play
hide-and-seek.
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00:03:41,277 --> 00:03:42,477
I couldn't find it,
and then--
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00:03:42,512 --> 00:03:43,845
Oh, that's what happened.
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00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,681
Okay, well, once again,
April's Animal Corner
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has turned into one
of our favorite segments--
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Loose Animal in the Studio.
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00:03:51,521 --> 00:03:52,754
Yay!
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And as always,
when we accidentally end up
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doing
Loose Animal in the Studio,
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we have to show you
this disclaimer.
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Boring!
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Here's a disclaimer,
I didn't read this disclaimer.
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[blows raspberry]
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Ooh, good point.
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Okay. Done.
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Okay, kids,
so be on the lookout for a--
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00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:11,339
What's it called?
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00:04:11,374 --> 00:04:13,875
A goliath bird-eating
tarantula,
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00:04:13,910 --> 00:04:17,379
known locally to Venezuelans
as "the devil's fist."
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Bye, kids!
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00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:22,384
Okay, kids, well,
we've got a lot of work to do,
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00:04:22,418 --> 00:04:25,253
performing the Five Karate
Moves to Success.
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00:04:25,288 --> 00:04:27,022
Sing it with me!
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00:04:27,056 --> 00:04:29,357
Today we're gonna make
something
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Learn something
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Karate chop something
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00:04:33,963 --> 00:04:35,664
And then we'll try
something new
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Even if it's scary to you
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00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:39,134
And finally
we'll have some fun
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00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:40,469
Being nice to someone
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00:04:40,503 --> 00:04:46,274
Because that's
the Johnny Karate way
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Step one--
let's go make something.
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00:04:48,511 --> 00:04:50,212
[upbeat music]
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00:04:53,316 --> 00:04:54,749
Hello, Carpenter Ron.
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00:04:54,784 --> 00:04:55,984
How are you doing?
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00:04:56,018 --> 00:04:57,486
My contract is very specific.
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00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,855
I do not have to answer
that question.
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00:04:59,889 --> 00:05:02,390
This week I am making
a shadowbox frame,
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00:05:02,425 --> 00:05:06,027
which can be used to display
an object of great value.
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00:05:06,062 --> 00:05:08,897
This one is constructed
with American cherry wood.
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00:05:08,931 --> 00:05:11,666
Cherry, huh?
Now, I have just one question--
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00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:13,401
No, the wood does not taste
like cherry.
136
00:05:13,436 --> 00:05:14,536
You cannot eat it.
137
00:05:14,570 --> 00:05:16,505
I was not going to eat it,
Carpenter Ron.
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00:05:16,539 --> 00:05:18,573
I was going to lick it.
139
00:05:18,608 --> 00:05:20,876
Always remember, kids,
when you find something new,
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00:05:20,910 --> 00:05:23,445
you must lick it
before you eat it.
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00:05:23,479 --> 00:05:25,040
That is incorrect
in a number of ways.
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00:05:25,048 --> 00:05:26,348
[groans]
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00:05:26,382 --> 00:05:29,184
I sure have had some fun
making things with you, son.
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00:05:29,218 --> 00:05:30,819
Thank you
for everything you've done
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00:05:30,853 --> 00:05:32,220
for the children of this area.
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00:05:32,255 --> 00:05:33,522
You're welcome, Carpenter Ron.
147
00:05:33,556 --> 00:05:36,625
Hey, kids, this, to me,
seems like a...
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00:05:36,659 --> 00:05:38,326
Hug moment
149
00:05:38,361 --> 00:05:41,897
You are mistaken.
Remove the graphic.
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00:05:41,931 --> 00:05:44,966
Well, kids, it's time for our
next "Karate Move to Success."
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00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:46,501
Let's learn something.
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00:05:46,536 --> 00:05:47,969
153
00:05:51,107 --> 00:05:53,275
Hello, Professor Smartbrain.
154
00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:54,576
Hi, Johnny.
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00:05:54,610 --> 00:05:56,044
Listen, I don't know
if you got my email,
156
00:05:56,078 --> 00:05:58,080
but I thought that
since this is our final show,
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00:05:58,114 --> 00:05:59,614
maybe we not use the--
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00:05:59,649 --> 00:06:00,882
[buzzer sounds]
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00:06:00,917 --> 00:06:01,850
Boring buzzer.
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00:06:01,884 --> 00:06:05,187
[laughter]
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00:06:05,221 --> 00:06:08,290
Okay, kids, today we're gonna
learn about geography.
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00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:11,426
Now, you, Johnny, are moving
to Washington, D.C.
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00:06:11,461 --> 00:06:13,862
I thought what we could talk
about is how fast
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00:06:13,896 --> 00:06:19,134
you could get there using
an airplane, a train, or a car.
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00:06:19,168 --> 00:06:22,838
Now, as you can see,
the airplane is the fastest.
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00:06:22,872 --> 00:06:25,207
Not the fastest.
What about teleporting?
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00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:27,943
Well, sure,
that would be really fun,
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00:06:27,977 --> 00:06:29,578
but it's impossible.
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00:06:29,612 --> 00:06:32,681
Nothing is impossible, kids.
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00:06:32,715 --> 00:06:35,150
Teleportation is impossible.
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00:06:35,184 --> 00:06:36,318
It's about theoretical physics.
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00:06:36,352 --> 00:06:38,186
[buzzer sounds]
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00:06:38,221 --> 00:06:40,222
You know, you asked me
to do this. This was a favor--
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00:06:40,256 --> 00:06:43,091
[buzzer sounds]
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00:06:44,127 --> 00:06:45,861
Morning, Johnny.
Mail call.
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00:06:45,895 --> 00:06:48,830
[all cheering]
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00:06:48,865 --> 00:06:50,131
Ya!
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00:06:50,166 --> 00:06:51,533
Hi, Mailman Barry.
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00:06:51,567 --> 00:06:52,734
Who brought me mail today?
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00:06:52,769 --> 00:06:55,704
Well, Johnny,
you got over 500 letters
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00:06:55,738 --> 00:06:58,039
from kids who love you, asking
for you and April to stay.
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00:06:58,074 --> 00:07:00,776
- Aw, babe, did you hear that?
- [chuckles]
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00:07:00,810 --> 00:07:03,478
Now, Johnny, you also got
one very special letter.
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00:07:03,513 --> 00:07:04,846
It's from me.
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00:07:04,881 --> 00:07:06,915
And on the last day
of your show,
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00:07:06,949 --> 00:07:08,083
I thought I could read it
to you.
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00:07:08,117 --> 00:07:10,152
All: Aw.
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00:07:10,186 --> 00:07:14,055
"Dearest Andy, I have never
had a son of my own,
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00:07:14,090 --> 00:07:16,258
and I just want you to know
that for the past ten years"--
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00:07:16,292 --> 00:07:18,126
It's time to karate chop something!
191
00:07:18,161 --> 00:07:19,661
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00:07:22,699 --> 00:07:24,866
Ninjas, attack!
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00:07:24,901 --> 00:07:26,902
Oh, jeez.
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00:07:26,936 --> 00:07:30,138
[all grunting, shouting]
195
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Disperse!
196
00:07:32,075 --> 00:07:34,409
Remember, never attack
a real postal employee.
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00:07:34,444 --> 00:07:35,911
We're allowed
to attack Mailman Barry
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00:07:35,945 --> 00:07:38,413
because he volunteered to
help us with our karate moves.
199
00:07:38,448 --> 00:07:40,182
I kind of thought
I'd be holding a piece of wood
200
00:07:40,216 --> 00:07:42,184
or something, but, you know...
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00:07:42,218 --> 00:07:43,451
always happy to help.
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00:07:43,486 --> 00:07:45,126
Next up, we're going
to try something new,
203
00:07:45,154 --> 00:07:46,434
with my good friend
Leslie Knope.
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00:07:46,456 --> 00:07:48,190
205
00:07:50,893 --> 00:07:52,661
Hey, Johnny Karate,
I'm so happy to be here
206
00:07:52,695 --> 00:07:54,596
on your last show ever.
207
00:07:54,630 --> 00:07:55,897
Hi, Leslie.
I'm glad you're here
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00:07:55,932 --> 00:07:58,266
to teach us all how to be brave.
209
00:07:58,301 --> 00:08:00,402
So, Leslie, what are you going
to be trying new this week?
210
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:03,972
I am going to be taking over
hosting my friend's TV show.
211
00:08:04,006 --> 00:08:04,973
Huh?
212
00:08:05,007 --> 00:08:06,475
Isn't that right, April?
213
00:08:06,509 --> 00:08:08,276
That is right.
214
00:08:08,311 --> 00:08:10,445
Johnny, you have made
so many kids
215
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,248
and so many parents so happy,
that we wanted to give you
216
00:08:13,282 --> 00:08:14,616
a proper send-off.
217
00:08:14,650 --> 00:08:17,352
Andy Dwyer/Johnny Karate,
218
00:08:17,387 --> 00:08:21,289
this is your life.
219
00:08:21,324 --> 00:08:25,594
Oh, my gosh, Leslie,
this is amazing.
220
00:08:25,628 --> 00:08:27,863
I don't know what to say...
221
00:08:27,897 --> 00:08:29,765
literally, because normally
I have a script
222
00:08:29,799 --> 00:08:32,401
that I have to stick to, but...
223
00:08:32,435 --> 00:08:35,570
I don't know what I'm supposed
to say right now.
224
00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:36,805
It's kind of a nightmare.
225
00:08:36,839 --> 00:08:38,940
Okay, you leave that
to us, Johnny.
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00:08:38,975 --> 00:08:41,009
Uh, when we come back,
we will take a look
227
00:08:41,044 --> 00:08:42,978
at the journey of Andy Dwyer.
228
00:08:43,012 --> 00:08:44,413
Stay tuned.
229
00:08:44,447 --> 00:08:47,282
"Now listen to some words
from our sponsors,"
230
00:08:47,316 --> 00:08:51,286
are the words I'm saying
right now.
231
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,789
Hire Very Good Building Company
232
00:08:53,823 --> 00:08:55,223
for your construction needs.
233
00:08:55,258 --> 00:08:56,224
Or do not.
234
00:08:56,259 --> 00:08:58,393
I am not a beggar.
235
00:09:13,242 --> 00:09:14,643
End of commercial.
236
00:09:17,826 --> 00:09:19,858
The Wamapoke people
have a saying--
237
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,461
"Only one who listens
hears the cry of the wolf."
238
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:23,862
[wolf howling]
239
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,432
That advice has been passed down
from generation to generation.
240
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:30,235
Today I give that advice to you.
241
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:33,372
Listen for Coinsy the Wolf
at Wamapoke Casino.
242
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,675
Twice a day, one lucky visitor
will hit the mega-wolf jackpot.
243
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:39,077
And Coinsy will howl for you!
244
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:42,047
[siren wailing and wolf howling]
245
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:51,657
[chuckles]
246
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,258
The thing we return to now
247
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:56,361
is my Johnny Karate Show
return message.
248
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:57,596
[all cheering]
249
00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,331
Welcome back.
When I first met the man
250
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:01,767
standing next to me, he was not
a cultural phenomenon.
251
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:05,604
"Phenomenon" means
"to explore a cave."
252
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:07,172
He was going through
a tough time.
253
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:10,108
He had just broken both legs
from falling into a pit.
254
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,443
I was super wasted.
255
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,878
- It's a kids' show, Andy.
- Yes, good call.
256
00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:14,279
- Kids' show.
- Good call.
257
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:18,150
That event set in motion many
wonderful things in my life,
258
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,785
including the building
of the Pawnee Commons.
259
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:24,189
So, in a weird way, Andy,
I owe it all to you.
260
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:25,224
And now that the show is ending,
261
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,658
I'm gonna have to start
all over again.
262
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,827
Hopefully there's a pit
in Washington, D.C.,
263
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,062
that I could fall into.
264
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:32,798
Andy pulled his life together,
and he got himself a job
265
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,134
at the shoe-shine stand
in City Hall.
266
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,703
He then became
a bureaucratic assistant.
267
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:39,004
- Hi, honey.
- Hey. Hi.
268
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,939
He was always enthusiastic.
269
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,674
But he also kept track
of his appointments
270
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:44,710
by writing them on his arm.
271
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:46,145
Still do.
272
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:47,446
To commemorate that time
and to make sure
273
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,515
that you never miss
another appointment again,
274
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:53,318
we have brought you
a monogrammed day planner.
275
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,486
[gasps]
276
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:55,554
Guys...
277
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,156
So sweet.
278
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,157
Thank you.
279
00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,892
Aw.
280
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:01,660
Oh, no.
I lost it.
281
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:02,995
The day planner's gone.
I can't find it anywhere.
282
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:06,131
What?
283
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,866
Fitting, really.
284
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,736
From then, Andy went
to England for a few months
285
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,371
to work for a nonprofit.
286
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:13,906
It was there that he befriended
287
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:16,708
the 14th Earl
of Cornwall-upon-Thames,
288
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:17,709
Sir Edgar Covington.
289
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:19,411
Ta-da!
290
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,580
Oh, my God, Eddie,
this is amazing!
291
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,049
[laughs]
292
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:27,619
Andy, I am here in this weird,
flat place,
293
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:32,057
to name you a loyal and true
karate defender
294
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:33,058
of the Queen's Realm.
295
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:36,428
[regal music]
296
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,764
Please get down on one knee.
297
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:42,201
This honor is bestowed on those
who have shown great achievement
298
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:46,205
in fields of the arts, learning,
literature, and science.
299
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:49,308
Therefore, I hereby dub thee
300
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:52,811
a knight of the Order
of the British Empire.
301
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:55,280
Hang on,
can you actually do this?
302
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,282
Well, technically, only
the Queen can knight somebody,
303
00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,219
but I'm so rich that she lets me
do what I want.
304
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:01,787
Would you like to be knighted?
305
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:03,222
Oh, no, no, no, no.
306
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,190
No, of course not.
It's Andy's day.
307
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,225
Dude, I don't mind.
308
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:07,539
Oh, then, yes,
knight me, please.
309
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,628
Oh, my God, this is amazing!
310
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:12,498
Winter is coming
for Sir Ben Lightstorm.
311
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:13,799
Okay, you're both knights.
312
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:14,800
Cool.
313
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:17,236
Guys, this was so much fun.
314
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:20,672
Friend, coworker, musician,
husband, Andy Dwyer--
315
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:21,874
Sir Andy Dwyer.
316
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,776
Sir Andy Dwyer had become
so many things
317
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:24,877
to so many people.
318
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,912
But his greatest creation
was yet to come.
319
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:30,015
A salute to Johnny Karate
when we come back.
320
00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:34,285
We know what you want--
321
00:12:34,319 --> 00:12:36,720
healthy, natural food
that still tastes great.
322
00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:37,822
And we're here to tell you...
323
00:12:37,856 --> 00:12:38,822
[record scratches]
324
00:12:38,857 --> 00:12:41,459
It doesn't exist.
325
00:12:41,493 --> 00:12:43,093
Healthy food is for suckers.
326
00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:44,528
It tastes like garbage,
327
00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:47,031
and if you say you like it,
you're a chump and a liar.
328
00:12:47,065 --> 00:12:49,366
Be honest.
This is what you want to eat...
329
00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:53,637
It tastes amazing.
330
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:55,372
What's in it?
Who cares?
331
00:12:55,407 --> 00:12:56,964
How many calories?
Shut up.
332
00:12:57,084 --> 00:12:58,943
It's awesome.
333
00:13:05,172 --> 00:13:07,006
One of Andy's
greatest achievements
334
00:13:07,041 --> 00:13:09,082
was the success of his band,
Mouse Rat.
335
00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:11,025
No one was doing
what we were doing.
336
00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:12,160
Well, that's not really true.
337
00:13:12,194 --> 00:13:13,395
I mean, we were basically
playing covers
338
00:13:13,429 --> 00:13:14,829
of Dave Matthews songs.
339
00:13:14,864 --> 00:13:17,198
So I guess you could say
Dave Matthews
340
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:18,767
was doing what we were doing.
341
00:13:18,801 --> 00:13:21,169
Oh, to play in a band
like Mouse Rat
342
00:13:21,203 --> 00:13:23,838
that brought such joy to so many
343
00:13:23,873 --> 00:13:26,508
truly was a mitzvah.
344
00:13:26,542 --> 00:13:28,710
I should mention
I'm a rabbi now.
345
00:13:28,744 --> 00:13:30,412
For the full rockumentary, go to
346
00:13:30,446 --> 00:13:33,782
TheJohnnyKarateSuperAwesome
MusicalExplosion.com.
347
00:13:33,816 --> 00:13:35,583
And now, back to the show.
348
00:13:35,618 --> 00:13:38,486
[upbeat music]
349
00:13:38,521 --> 00:13:39,521
350
00:13:39,555 --> 00:13:41,689
Every hero struggles
with failure,
351
00:13:41,724 --> 00:13:43,958
faces something they cannot do.
352
00:13:43,993 --> 00:13:46,227
Andy faced one of those moments
just a few years ago.
353
00:13:46,262 --> 00:13:48,530
And I would've chugged
that entire gallon of milk
354
00:13:48,564 --> 00:13:50,465
had I not started puking
out of nowhere.
355
00:13:50,499 --> 00:13:52,133
No, you did not achieve
your dream
356
00:13:52,168 --> 00:13:54,269
of becoming
a Pawnee police officer.
357
00:13:54,303 --> 00:13:55,303
Oh, right.
358
00:13:55,337 --> 00:13:56,705
But you did create Burt Macklin,
359
00:13:56,739 --> 00:13:59,307
a character who exemplifies
everything that is great
360
00:13:59,341 --> 00:14:00,308
about law enforcement.
361
00:14:00,342 --> 00:14:01,843
Take a look.
362
00:14:01,877 --> 00:14:06,214
My name is rt Tyra.
363
00:14:06,248 --> 00:14:09,184
[funky music]
364
00:14:09,218 --> 00:14:12,687
365
00:14:12,722 --> 00:14:14,289
I don't know
what the problem is, Sergeant.
366
00:14:14,323 --> 00:14:16,391
Just drain the ocean.
367
00:14:16,425 --> 00:14:21,796
368
00:14:21,831 --> 00:14:23,732
[bullet ricochets]
369
00:14:23,766 --> 00:14:26,768
[kids cheering]
370
00:14:28,804 --> 00:14:31,339
Andy, on behalf of the entire
Pawnee Police Department,
371
00:14:31,373 --> 00:14:33,241
I'd like to present you
with this genuine
372
00:14:33,275 --> 00:14:34,809
- Pawnee police badge.
- Wow.
373
00:14:34,844 --> 00:14:37,011
It's ensconced forever
in the shadowbox
374
00:14:37,046 --> 00:14:38,646
- we made earlier.
- How about that?
375
00:14:38,681 --> 00:14:41,249
[glass shatters]
No.
376
00:14:41,283 --> 00:14:44,018
Son, we spent four days
making that.
377
00:14:44,053 --> 00:14:47,188
This means so, so much to me.
378
00:14:47,223 --> 00:14:48,323
I'm a cop.
379
00:14:48,357 --> 00:14:49,597
I should get some handcuffs too.
380
00:14:49,625 --> 00:14:51,026
- Give me your cuffs, Randy.
- No, no, no.
381
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:52,260
- Give me your cuffs.
- It's an honorary title only.
382
00:14:52,294 --> 00:14:53,962
- Stand down, sir.
- Stop it! Quit!
383
00:14:53,996 --> 00:14:55,363
Andy, now that you're
an official police officer...
384
00:14:55,398 --> 00:14:56,965
He's not. I want to make
it clear--he's not.
385
00:14:56,999 --> 00:14:59,834
You should be able to solve
the case of the missing guitar.
386
00:14:59,869 --> 00:15:03,772
So grab your clue and head
on over to Professor Smartbrain.
387
00:15:03,806 --> 00:15:04,906
[siren wails]
388
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:07,375
Professor Smartbrain,
this piece of fabric
389
00:15:07,410 --> 00:15:08,743
was found at the scene.
390
00:15:08,778 --> 00:15:10,312
Look at it under your telescope.
391
00:15:10,346 --> 00:15:11,412
Hmm.
392
00:15:11,447 --> 00:15:13,448
It looks like there are
some tiny initials.
393
00:15:13,482 --> 00:15:16,584
"J.C."?
394
00:15:16,619 --> 00:15:19,721
President Jimmy Carter
stole my guitar?
395
00:15:19,755 --> 00:15:20,922
But why?
396
00:15:20,956 --> 00:15:23,725
I don't think
it's Jimmy Carter, buddy.
397
00:15:23,759 --> 00:15:26,194
The champ is here!
[cheers and applause]
398
00:15:26,228 --> 00:15:27,996
[gasps]
399
00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:29,998
Hi, kids, is everybody
having a great time?
400
00:15:30,032 --> 00:15:31,566
[cheers and applause]
401
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,034
I know I am!
402
00:15:33,068 --> 00:15:34,536
John Cena in the house!
403
00:15:34,570 --> 00:15:36,438
John Cena, you're my hero.
404
00:15:36,472 --> 00:15:38,773
- Wait, you're Andy.
- Yeah, I'm Andy.
405
00:15:38,808 --> 00:15:40,075
From the information I got,
406
00:15:40,109 --> 00:15:41,810
I just assumed you'd be, like,
ten years old.
407
00:15:41,844 --> 00:15:44,345
- Thank you.
- Okay, great. Thank you.
408
00:15:44,380 --> 00:15:46,948
Thank you so much, man,
for bringing martial arts
409
00:15:46,982 --> 00:15:49,117
and music to all the children--
410
00:15:49,151 --> 00:15:50,385
Wait, wait,
what are you doing, man?
411
00:15:50,419 --> 00:15:51,352
- Got you.
- Got me?
412
00:15:51,387 --> 00:15:52,487
- What?
- He got my cuffs.
413
00:15:52,521 --> 00:15:53,888
Wait.
What the hell is this?
414
00:15:53,923 --> 00:15:55,690
John Cena, you're a great
inspiration, a true hero,
415
00:15:55,725 --> 00:15:57,559
and this is the greatest moment
of my life.
416
00:15:57,593 --> 00:15:58,526
But you're going down.
417
00:15:58,561 --> 00:15:59,561
Going down?
What are you--
418
00:15:59,562 --> 00:16:00,562
Whoa!
Hey, stop--
419
00:16:00,596 --> 00:16:01,629
You stole Johnny Karate's guitar.
420
00:16:01,664 --> 00:16:02,944
I didn't steal his guitar, man.
421
00:16:02,965 --> 00:16:04,065
I'm just doing this as a favor.
422
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,540
You're going
in the dunk tank, bud.
423
00:16:05,568 --> 00:16:06,601
I don't want to go
in the dunk tank.
424
00:16:06,635 --> 00:16:08,169
- Shut up.
- Is anybody in charge?
425
00:16:08,204 --> 00:16:09,738
A little help?
426
00:16:09,772 --> 00:16:12,540
And now it's time to celebrate
Andy Dwyer's greatest creation--
427
00:16:12,575 --> 00:16:13,508
Johnny Karate.
428
00:16:13,542 --> 00:16:15,877
[kids cheering]
429
00:16:15,911 --> 00:16:18,880
He has brought so much happiness
to so many children
430
00:16:18,914 --> 00:16:22,317
in southern Indiana that we
thought a piece of Johnny Karate
431
00:16:22,351 --> 00:16:24,352
should stay here in Pawnee.
432
00:16:24,387 --> 00:16:27,322
[soulful rendition
of Kung Fu Fighting plays]
433
00:16:27,356 --> 00:16:30,058
434
00:16:30,092 --> 00:16:34,963
Everybody was
Kung Fu fighting
435
00:16:34,997 --> 00:16:36,765
Raise it up.
436
00:16:36,799 --> 00:16:40,969
Those kicks were fast
as lightning
437
00:16:41,003 --> 00:16:43,405
This is awesome.
Can you believe it, babe?
438
00:16:43,439 --> 00:16:47,108
In fact, it was
a little bit fritening
439
00:16:47,143 --> 00:16:50,178
That karate gi
will stay here forever.
440
00:16:50,212 --> 00:16:52,747
Well, not here here,
because this studio
441
00:16:52,782 --> 00:16:54,783
actually has a show
where divorced couples
442
00:16:54,817 --> 00:16:56,217
work out their problems.
443
00:16:56,252 --> 00:16:57,686
So that might be weird if that
thing was hanging over them.
444
00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:58,853
But it'll be somewhere.
445
00:16:58,888 --> 00:17:03,758
And the spirit will stay
with us forever.
446
00:17:03,793 --> 00:17:06,561
Andy Dwyer's final good-bye
when we come back.
447
00:17:06,595 --> 00:17:09,764
[cheers and applause]
448
00:17:09,799 --> 00:17:10,765
[uplifting music]
449
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,100
What powers us?
450
00:17:12,134 --> 00:17:14,069
What gives us the tools
to attain our goals,
451
00:17:14,103 --> 00:17:17,572
face our fears, take
that next step into the unknown?
452
00:17:17,606 --> 00:17:19,340
It's energy.
453
00:17:19,375 --> 00:17:22,143
Verizon, Exxon, and Chipotle
are proud to announce
454
00:17:22,178 --> 00:17:25,513
a cross-platform merger
of our three great brands.
455
00:17:25,548 --> 00:17:27,916
Whether it's extending
your 6G coverage,
456
00:17:27,950 --> 00:17:29,818
drilling natural gas
out of shale,
457
00:17:29,852 --> 00:17:31,853
or perfecting
the chicken quesadilla,
458
00:17:31,887 --> 00:17:35,223
we will give you the energy
to get you to the next level.
459
00:17:35,257 --> 00:17:39,427
And with enough energy, America,
nothing can stop us.
460
00:17:39,462 --> 00:17:42,564
The all-new
Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon--
461
00:17:42,598 --> 00:17:45,808
proud to be one
of America's 8 companies.
462
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,580
[acoustic guitar music]
463
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:54,615
I'd like to begin by saying
thank you
464
00:17:54,649 --> 00:17:56,050
to anyone who has ever worked
465
00:17:56,084 --> 00:17:59,653
on the Johnny KarateMusical Explosion Show.
466
00:17:59,688 --> 00:18:02,623
This has been the greatest job
I've ever had,
467
00:18:02,657 --> 00:18:05,659
and today has been
the best day of my life.
468
00:18:05,694 --> 00:18:07,795
And that's saying something.
469
00:18:07,829 --> 00:18:10,431
I once found a rock that looked
exactly like Santa Claus--
470
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:13,033
hat and everything, so...
471
00:18:13,068 --> 00:18:15,469
Before I say good-bye,
let's review our checklist
472
00:18:15,504 --> 00:18:16,604
one last time.
473
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,839
We made something
with Carpenter Ron.
474
00:18:18,874 --> 00:18:21,142
We learned something
with Professor Smartbrain.
475
00:18:21,176 --> 00:18:22,810
We karate chopped something--
476
00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:24,745
old Mailman Barry's face.
477
00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:27,681
And we tried something new,
even though it was scary to us,
478
00:18:27,716 --> 00:18:29,617
with Leslie Knope.
479
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:32,153
That leaves just one more thing,
480
00:18:32,187 --> 00:18:34,822
the most important one.
481
00:18:34,856 --> 00:18:37,625
Be nice to someone.
482
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:40,094
And I think I know right now
who needs it the most--
483
00:18:40,128 --> 00:18:44,899
my wife,
April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer.
484
00:18:44,933 --> 00:18:47,001
Honey, come on out here.
485
00:18:47,035 --> 00:18:48,269
Come here.
486
00:18:48,303 --> 00:18:50,771
Babe.
487
00:18:50,806 --> 00:18:52,206
Hey, babe?
488
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,042
Wait!
489
00:18:55,076 --> 00:18:56,644
Honey, where are you going?
490
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,446
Babe, hey, will you--
491
00:18:58,480 --> 00:18:59,547
Hey, come here.
492
00:18:59,581 --> 00:19:02,616
April, what's going on?
493
00:19:02,651 --> 00:19:06,053
It's...
494
00:19:06,087 --> 00:19:09,323
Every week, this show
is an amazing train wreck,
495
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:12,393
and you love doing it,
and you're the best host,
496
00:19:12,427 --> 00:19:14,762
like, even better
than my all-time favorite host,
497
00:19:14,796 --> 00:19:16,497
Tom Snyder, which is crazy.
498
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,432
And all those kids love you,
499
00:19:18,467 --> 00:19:21,936
and you're doing
what you're meant to do.
500
00:19:21,970 --> 00:19:24,271
And I can't be the person that
makes you lose what you love.
501
00:19:24,306 --> 00:19:25,506
Yeah, but you're what I love.
502
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:27,675
You're the only reason
I have any of this.
503
00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,544
You believed in me,
and you supported me.
504
00:19:30,579 --> 00:19:32,780
You make me happy...
505
00:19:32,814 --> 00:19:35,449
happier than I ever thought
I could be.
506
00:19:35,484 --> 00:19:38,319
Without you,
I wouldn't be anything.
507
00:19:38,353 --> 00:19:40,888
You're what keeps me going.
508
00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:44,225
You're my
Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon.
509
00:19:44,259 --> 00:19:47,361
As long as I'm with you,
I'm gonna be happy.
510
00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:49,830
So we go to Washington, D.C.
511
00:19:49,865 --> 00:19:51,065
And then we figure out
512
00:19:51,099 --> 00:19:54,268
the next cool and awesome thing
from there, okay?
513
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,539
Okay.
514
00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,920
That was a very good
"Being Nice to Someone."
515
00:20:01,518 --> 00:20:02,679
I did it.
516
00:20:03,177 --> 00:20:04,177
I can go finish the show.
517
00:20:06,888 --> 00:20:10,923
Well it's time for us to go
518
00:20:11,284 --> 00:20:16,181
But I want you all to know
519
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,383
That karate's
not about fighting
520
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,619
It's about knowing
who you are
521
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,821
And being kind and honest
522
00:20:22,856 --> 00:20:24,490
While you're kicking
for the stars
523
00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:30,496
Yeah, that's
the Johnny Karate way
524
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:33,766
525
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,268
Keep karate in your heart
526
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:39,071
And aspire to your dreams
527
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:40,639
And always remember
528
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,741
You're forever on my team
529
00:20:42,776 --> 00:20:48,647
Yeah, that's
the Johnny Karate way
530
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:49,848
Karate yell!
531
00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:51,450
All: Hiya!
532
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:53,685
Good-bye, Pawnee.
I will miss you.
533
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,754
[cheers and applause]
534
00:20:55,789 --> 00:20:56,755
Guys?
535
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:57,756
Guys?
536
00:20:57,791 --> 00:20:59,658
Guys!
537
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:00,993
Tarantula.
538
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:03,028
[gasps]
539
00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:05,097
Could somebody get me
out of here, please?
540
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:06,565
I'll help you, John Cena.
541
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,300
No--
542
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:12,900
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