All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s07e06 Save JJs.eng

In front of you are
six different wedding cakes

from the top restaurants
in Pawnee.

Sample each one,
and rank your two top favorites

in the ballots provided.

Oh, boy.
They're all so good.

I can't pick just two.

Well, then you leave, Terry.

And pay for the cake
you already ate.

I like the vanilla one
with the lemon cream.

That was a joke cake I got

from the grocery store
to weed out low-quality palates.

Maybe it's because
he's my fiance, and I love him,

but I kind of like
the grocery store one, too.

There's actually one more cake
you haven't tried yet.

Donna has chosen me to be the
butler of honor at her wedding.

Now granted, butler of honor is
a term I made up,

but it's not
a job I take lightly.

That's why I'm about to
give her a surprise bigger

than when LeBron went back
to Miami.

Oh, my God.
DJ Bluntz?

[boom box plays hip-hop]
What is happening right now?

I think you know
what's happening.

But--but for real, though.
What--what's happening?

[gasps]

Treat yo' self.

(both)
Treat yo' self 2017

Oh, my God, is this for real?

Oh, it's for real.
Okay.

And it's the biggest one yet.

I-I still don't know
what's happening.

So what's happening?

(both) Treat yo' self.

Not an answer to my question.

Oh, my God, read the cake.

Still unclear.
Terry, w-what's happening?

Treat yo' self!

(both)
It's the best
day of the year

[triumphant music]

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Roscoe, people in this town are
very angry

about Gryzzl's
data-mining program.

In your opinion,
have you done anything wrong?

We did not believe that
we did anything

to invade people's privacy,
Trodd.

But then, we checked
thousands of emails and texts

between our customers
and their loved ones,

and it seemed like
people thought we were wrong.

Gryzzl's currently trying to buy

an enormous parcel of land

to build a permanent
headquarters in Pawnee.

How will you win back our trust?

We're going to be
throwing a free concert

with U2 and Beyonce.

Tickets are already
on your phones.

Seating is going to be organized
by income and sexual history.

And that, I swear,

is the last time that we will be
peeking inside your computers.

Wow.
Gryzzl is scrambling.

And for the first time
in this land battle,

they are vulnerable,
and we are gonna capitalize

on it with something
big and exciting.

I've got something
big and exciting.

All we need is a blimp
and a decoy blimp.

Okay, for what I hope is
the last time,

but will assume is
not the last time,

our strategy does not
involve blimps.

We already have an idea.
April?

Okay, our new proposal will
ask them to split the land.

Gryzzl will take
half for their campus,

and then donate the rest to
National Parks.

It's not ideal,

but they may go for it because
of how bad they screwed up.

I am not a spy,

and I would never reveal
classified information.

Do you have to say that
every time?

Yes.

But I know Gryzzl is dead-set on
owning the entire parcel.

I'm not sure
this plan will work.

Well, if it doesn't,
something will.

Because when you and I team up,
great things happen.

Ron and I had
a little falling out,

but we are back, baby.

And just like
Joey Fatone and Lance Bass,

we are totally in sync.

Come on.

Okay.

Just give me a...

Oh.
We're in sync emotionally.

Stop patting my head.

[devices chiming]

Huh.

Looks like Newport Trust is
making an announcement.

Last week,
the Newport Trust told Gryzzl,

in no uncertain terms,

that we would not do business
with a company

that invades our privacy.

Then, Gryzzl upped their offer
to $125 million,

and I swear to God, y'all,
I nearly fainted.

So we are officially
jumping the gun

and selling to Gryzzl
for $125 million.

What?

Let me repeat that,

because it makes me very horny.

$125 million!
(Ron) Come on, Knope.

How about we go drown
our sorrows in some waffles?

Before you go,
can you sign some checks?

Do mine first.
In case something happens to you

I want to make sure I get paid.

Looking out for number one.

Always smart.

So, how is post-breakup life?

Well, breakups are
famously super fun

and make everyone feel awesome,
so it's no different.

You should come to my wedding.

It's gonna be hella fun.

Yeah, you should come with me.

As like a...plus-one
type thing.

Maybe we just go as, uh...

as work friends.

Maybe it's just even, you know,
boss, employee type thing.

You know what?
That's what you should do.

You should come to the wedding
and--and--and do paperwork.

Stop, you're making this
sound almost too fun.

Whatever.
Just text me when you decide.

I literally couldn't care less,
so...

Yeah.

Let's hit it, Donna.

Um, can we talk about that
disastrous interaction

you just had with Lucy?

Nope.
All we're talking about

is treating yo' self.

Today is about one thing:

Things.

Things, Donna.

Our favorite.

Well, where is Bluntz taking us?

This is not the way to the mall.

That's 'cause
we're not going to the mall.

We're finally gonna do something
we've always talked about.

No way.

Treat yo' self.

Aah!

All I wanted was
25 square miles of land

valued at $100 million

given to me for free.

Is that too much to ask?

I'll say it again:

voodoo is still an option.

(Leslie) No.

It's over.
They won.

Everything is changing.

This town is going to be
unrecognizable in ten years.

Even JJ's Diner is disappearing.

What can I get you guys?

However many waffles it takes to
keep you in business.

I'm happy with
some of the changes

that Pawnee has gone through.

I mean,
the standard of living is up.

We have pressed juice bars and
yoga studios and a pet hotel.

But I think the town is
losing some of its charm.

And there's too much kale now.

One place asked me if
I wanted kale in my milkshake.

My milkshake, you guys.

Even though I'm a firm believer
in the free market,

and your failure
as a businessman

is ultimately to blame,

it's still a travesty
your diner is closing.

Well, I agree with you.

But the guy who
bought the property

didn't even give me a chance
to re-up the lease.

You can't win 'em all.

No.

Enough is enough.

They may have taken that land,

but I will be damned
if they take my waffles.

JJ...
Is something wrong?

No, nothing is ever wrong here.

That's why we are gonna
fight hard to save your diner.

Now you said your new landlord

didn't give you
a chance to counter.

Who is it?

It was a company with
a weird-sounding name.

Hang on.

Was it Putin?

Voldermort Putin?

Of Russia?

I'd love to
take that bastard down.

Here it is.

Thigh Gap, LLC.

Owner Dennis Feinstein.

The cologne guy?

Oh, it figures.
That guy is the worst.

Okay.

We are gonna take him down with
an old-fashioned public rally.

April, I need you to
get the word out,

with whatever
method of communication

young people are
using these days.

Oh, yeah,
tiny rolled-up scrolls

delivered by trained foxes.

I'm on it.
Andy?

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Oh, hell yeah.
Blimp time.

No.

I think this is a job for
Jonathan Karate.

Awesome.
Even better.

Ron?
What do you say?

Dynamic duo get together
one more time

to try to save JJ's Diner?

I can't think of anything
more noble to go to war over

than bacon and eggs.

Here here.

Oh, well...

We'll keep practicing.

[Twisted Sister's
We're Not Gonna Take It]

All right, everybody, listen up.

[music stops]

We're here today

because JJ's Diner has been
a part of Pawnee for 41 years.

And this man right here built
that diner from the ground up

with his own two hands.

That's not true.

It's called
constructing a narrative, JJ.

You stick to the breakfast.
I'll deal with the politics.

So, now, let's hear from a man

who knows the value of
things staying the same.

Ron Swanson.

[cheering]

I do not like rallies.

And based on what I see
from this vantage point,

I do not like most of you.

What I do like is
breakfast food.

JJ's has
very good breakfast food,

so it should remain open.

Please do not approach me
on the street

after this event
and attempt to talk to me.

Our similarities begin and end
with this single issue.

Ron Swanson.

[cheering]

[clears throat]

Can I help you?

Yes, we are here to see
Dennis Feinstein.

The appointment should be
under Karate.

Jonathan Karate.

Um, I don't see
a Jonathan Karate anywhere.

Exactly.

[whistles]

Occasionally on my show,
we deal with real issues

like bullying, peer pressure,

or holding in farts.

In those very special episodes,
I become...

Jonathan Karate,

the very serious older brother
of Johnny Karate.

Jonathan Karate
tells it like it is.

He makes people do
the right thing.

Oh, baby, that feels amazing.

But I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to go.

I have to meet Rick and TC
at the King Kamehameha Club.

Higgins is missing.

Dennis Feinstein.

What?
Who's that?

My name is Jonathan Karate.

We need to talk.

Well, make it quick.

I gotta go pull the plug
on my dad in ten minutes.

I heard you were buying JJ's
Diner and kicking everybody out.

That's true.

Real estate prices in this
turd town are through the roof.

I'm gonna turn that place into
an elbow art salon

and make a killing.

Plus, who's gonna miss
some dumpy diner?

[laughs]

Why don't you ask
the people gathering

outside of your building
right now?

Hmm?

What do we want?

(all) Breakfast!

When do we want it?

[chanting continues outside]

I had no idea
this place was so loved.

This could be bad for business.

Then come with me.

Tell the people
that JJ's can stay.

Okay.

Plus, you should get
these kids out of here.

Not to brag,

but my cologne's have been known
to stunt human growth, so...

Ninjas, scatter.

You got 'em well trained.

[Kool and the Gang's
Hollywood Swingin']

(both)
Treat yo' self
in Beverly Hills

Ladies and gentlemen, off to
our right you can see the house

that belongs to Bruce Willis
and Christina Aguilera.

And to our left is Usher's
Los Angeles residence.

(both) Usher's house!

(both) Usher's star!

So for the basic
elbow bedazzling, it's 140.

Custom art starts at 250.

I would like
three big-ass diamonds

surrounded by their own set of
tiny-ass diamonds.

That would fall under
our supreme collection.

600.

Thomas, what do you suggest?

Uh...
treat yo' self.

Trish, the gentleman is right.

I'm gonna go ahead
and treat myself.

Lasik for fingernails?
I came up with that.

You want it?
It's 275.

[sighs] Yeah.

Laser my nails off, please.

We can't bulldoze
our entire history.

We need to preserve the things
that make Pawnee great.

Like JJ's Diner.

[cheering]

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stop the clock.

Oh, speak of the devil.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the devil, Dennis Feinstein.

Whoa, hey, now.
[crowd booing]

Hang on.

Now, Leslie, I think
everybody's gonna want to hear

what I have to say.

Thank you.

People of Pawnee,

I just came down here
to tell you

how much I appreciate
your passion.

You've been heard,
loud and clear.

You convinced me.

JJ's can stay.

Yeah!

[cheering]

I just have
one more thing to say, Pawnee.

Psych!

Do you think I care about how
much you love this stupid diner?

I bought it for a song,

and I'm gonna sell it
for a mint,

and you can all just sit there,

pulling on your puds.
[laughs]

[booing]

Oh, yeah.
Give me your boos.

I am nourished by your hatred!

I should also let you know

you're all trespassing
on private property.

Release the hounds!

What hounds?

"The Hounds" as in
FDA-rejected cologne

I've been working on

that makes everything
smell like wet dog.

Make it rain!

[crowd screaming]

[laughing]

Ooh.

I gotta go kill my dad.
Let's go.

I'm sorry, JJ,
that I gave you false hope.

This is a lost cause,
just like my stupid park.

Screw that.
There's gotta be another way.

What if we steal the keys
to Feinstein's building,

break in, and TP his office?

Film the whole thing.

We'd definitely
get on a prank show.

Okay, I love your energy, Andy,

but it's not gonna help us
keep JJ's where it is.

Does it have to
stay where it is?

There's like, a ton of buildings
near where Andy and I live,

and they're all super cheap

because they're empty
and disgusting.

Great.
I'm in.

Anything to get away from
this cologne smell.

Ooh, water makes it worse.

Water makes it worse.

[Tupac's California Love]

This is the hottest restaurant
in L.A.

All the sushi is made from fish

previously owned by celebrities.

Okay.

This is Charlize Theron's
yellowtail.

Here we have
Paul Reiser's salmon.

And Peter Bogdanovich's
saltwater eel.

Enjoy.

Mmm, Bogdano-delish.

Man, you got it bad.

I know you're checking your
phone every five minutes

to see if Lucy will
come with you to my wedding.

I'm sorry.

Hey, I understand.

Which is why
I got you something.

Hey, you're not supposed to
get me anything.

This is your special day.

I didn't buy you anything.

What I have for you is
a piece of advice.

Aw, damn.
I was secretly hoping

you got me the shoes
Jaden Smith wears

in Hitch 2: Son of a Hitch.

My advice to you is,

if you want to be Lucy,

you have to be
up front with her about it.

Be a man and ask her out.

She works for me.

She uprooted her whole life to
move to Pawnee for this job.

I don't want to make it weird.

And what if she says no?

What if I'm the only one
that caught feelings?

You won't know until you ask.

Basically, Tommy, when it comes
to matters of the heart, I say:

Treat yo' self.

Thanks, Donna.
That's a great gift.

I almost forgot.

I did get you them shoes
from Hitch 2!

Oh, snap.
That's an even better gift.

That's not all.

Look behind you,
but don't be obvious.

Can I get the "me"
soft-shell crab?

Josh Groban!

He's eating his own sushi!

That's the most baller thing
I've ever seen.

[pants]

Welcome to Beachview Terrace,

the sad, unsalvageable,
broken-down armpit of Pawnee.

Yeah, we tried to clean up
this neighborhood so many times.

Nothing's worked.

We sent a street cleaner
through here a few months ago.

Raccoons ate the wheels
right off it.

Councilman Dexhart represents
this district,

and ten years ago
when he was elected,

he promised to clean it up.

Instead, he just gave it
a fancy new name:

Beachview Terrace.

A more accurate name
for this place?

Medical Waste Butt-Sweat Grove.

Hi, sorry I'm late.

We've had this listing
for seven years,

and no one's ever
asked to see it.

I thought this was a prank call.

This place has everything.

Vermin, bullet holes,
a hornets nest.

Look, I appreciate everything
that you guys have done for me,

but even if I put in
the time and the money

to refurbish this trash heap,

it's not gonna
change the fact that

no respectable people live in
this part of town anymore.

Damn straight.

Everything would have to
magically change.

The whole neighborhood would
have to suddenly become safe

and clean and have businesses
and people who dine out.

(April) No, then we'd
have to move again.

Are you thinking...

It's possible.

How would we...

(both) PR.
Which you could then--

Yes, right.
Okay, good.

Guys, we have about five days to
do three months worth of work.

But if we pull it off,

we can rescue JJ's Diner,

we can establish
a new National Park,

and we can save Pawnee forever.
Who's in?

I am.
[gasps]

Oh, my God.

Where'd you come from?

The floor hole.

Hey, how was your trip?

Great, obviously.

Bedazzled that elbow.

How's everything here?

Uneventful.

So, I was thinking about

the idea of
going to Donna's wedding.

Wait.
Before you say anything,

I don't think you should
go to Donna's wedding

to supervise catering.
Oh.

I want you to come with me
as my date.

Oh.
The thing is, you work for me,

so it's probably kind of
uncool for me to even ask.

Which is why
I signed these documents

transferring day-to-day
operations of Tom's Bistro

over to Craig.

He'll be your boss now.
Not me.

It's about time.

We're losing the cranberry
salad, effective immediately.

You don't have to do this.

Yeah, I do.

You're great at your job,

and I want you
working here forever,

and if you don't have
feelings for me,

I need you to know that
everything is gonna be fine.

In fact, forget it.

I wasn't even serious.

You've been hoaxed.

You've been Tommy'ed.

Just, hold on.

I was gonna say that

I wouldn't want to go with you
as friends.

I want to go with you
as your date.

Oh.

Cool.

Craig, never mind.

We can rip these papers up.

Well, I wish my reign had
lasted longer,

but I'm happy with
the decisions I made

and the people I fired.

Oh, God.
I better get back there.

You guys, I don't know what
this is about,

but it's 4:13,
so you got seven minutes.

Well, we just wanted to
introduce you to the new home

of the Gryzzl campus.

Are you tripping?

We just spent $125 million

to build our new campus in the
Southern Indiana Foothills.

And you'll be spending another
100 million, at least,

to construct the building,
roads, plumbing, electrical.

Whereas here
at Beachview Terrace,

you can take over
five entire square blocks

of historic Pawnee.

Here's a complete proposal

for Gryzzl's new regional
corporate headquarters.

Is this paper?

Oh, super throwback.

My company inspected
all the buildings.

They are disgusting,
I grant you,

but the guts are solid.

We've laid out
construction costs,

retail space options.

You could build a much bigger
campus in this neighborhood,

and basically break even.

Plus, the best part, all the
buildings come pre-graffitied.

That's true.
We wouldn't have to hire Banksy.

Okay, but we spent hella skrilla
on this trill forest,

so, what are we supposed to do
with that?

Here's a far-out idea

that just came to
the top of my branium:

why don't you donate that land
to the National Parks Service?

That would be pretty dope.

And you could get some
baller tax breaks

that could help you with that
mad stank construction cost--

I don't know, I'm sorry.
I can't...

I can't say those words.
You don't have to.

Okay, but why couldn't we just
build the campus here,

and then keep the land
or sell it?

You could, but donating it
will give you some good PR,

which you desperately need.

I mean, look, we are glad
that you picked Pawnee,

but if you're gonna
set up shop here,

you need to make
a covenant with the city.

Show people that
you're invested in this town.

Start by cleaning up
one part of Pawnee

and preserving the other.

Okay, well, I gotta
talk to my board,

as well as
our chief legal counsel,

and our senior advisory team.

And--and truthfully,

they're all shrooming super hard
at Coachella right now.

But as soon as they get back,
I'll get into it.

[Cypress Hill's
Hits From the Bong plays]

We gotta go.
I'm sorry, we got a meeting.

Uh, I'll catch you guys later.

I've got a meeting as well.

See you back at the house.

Andy has a meeting?

Upload it to my GryzzlGlass.

Left eye.

I'm watching porn
with my right eye.

Whoa.

Who...did...this?

[whistles]

We did.

One way or another, Jonathan
Karate always gets his man.

And like that,

they were gone.

[whistles]

Go!

Wait, where's--
hey, guys, where's Gavin?

Gav--wait, stop.

There were supposed to be
six ninjas.

Where's Gavin?
Gavin?

Who was Gavin's buddy?
Caleb?

Come on, dude, why do we even
have a buddy system?

Is he in the bathroom?

You need to tell me if
Gavin is pooping.

[giggling]

No, do not laugh, okay?

You're not even Caleb.

You're Gavin.
You're Caleb.

If you're Caleb, where's Hunter?

Hunter?
Hunter?

Okay, who was Hunter's buddy?

Hmm?

Oh, I was.

Oh, crap.

Oh, Dennis, what a mess.

You have 30 seconds to
get out of this facility.

(Leslie) I don't know, Ron.

I mean, it's been a week.

It might not work.

It'll work.

What if it doesn't?

What if we did all that research

and handed Gryzzl
a fully-formed plan

to revitalize
an entire neighborhood

and build a new National Park,

and their board still says no?

Then you'll be secure
in the knowledge

that you gave it your best shot.

But I do really think
they will go for it.

What makes you so confident?

A wise woman once told me that
whenever you and I team up,

good things happen.

Also,
they called three hours ago,

they approved the plan,

and asked me to begin drawings
for the renovation.

[laughs]

You jerk.

You sat on that news and let me
stew here for three hours?

- Yep.
- You jerk!

We did it!
You jerk!

- We did it!
- Yep.

Congratulations!

- I do not aprove of this.
- Don't care.

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