All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s06e12 Farmers Market.eng

I've got to say that this report
is quite impressive, Miss Knope.

Thank you very much,
Mr. City Manager.

And I have to say that the way

that you're rockin'
those slacks

is quite impressive as well.

Well, thank you.

[Clears throat]

- Can we hurry this up, please?
- What?

There's nothing wrong
with acknowledging

the fantastic work
of one of your employees,

especially if she's adorable.

I am back
at the parks department,

and Ben is city manager,

but we're married,
so it's kosher.

And awesome.
We live together...

- And work together.
- And we are so...

Both: In sync...

That we finish each other's...

Sentences!

We rehearsed that at home.

Naked in bed.

- What!
- What!

Please stamp the form.

I just want to admire it
one more time.

Again, fantastic work.

In fact, such good work...

I think I'm in love with you.

Oh, my God, that's great news,

'cause I'm in love
with you too.

- What?
- What?

Stamp the form.

Okay, let's not let Ron feel
left out.

We love you too, Ron.

- Stamp the damn form.
- Group hug!

Oh, I'm down for a group hug.

- Little G.H.
- Bring it in.

Come o--

[grunts]

Wow.
[Chuckles]

I think our love
made him angry.

I think he broke my wrist.
I'm not kidding.

Really?

[Triumphant music]

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Good morning, Ann Perkins.

How are you feeling today?

Perfect.

Except that I'm a whale
and that my feet already kill.

[Laughs]
Whales don't have feet.

I am a crazy shape.

This morning
when I got out of bed,

I just tipped forward

like a poorly made bowling pin.

Did I mention that my feet
kill me all the time?

Oh!

Let me rub them.

Oh, wait. No.

I read something
on raddadsolutions.net

that there's a pressure point
in the foot

that could induce labor.

Oh, it doesn't matter.
I don't care.

I'm gonna go choke down
those horse pills

I have to take every day.

Oh, no, no, I'll cut them
in half for you.

And I will pour you a glass
of flaxseed milk

to wash it down.

Everything is amazing.

Today is perfect,
and I love you.

Chris is so wonderful

and thoughtful and positive.

He's driving me
up the [bleep] wall.

Smoothie's ready!

[Steel drums playing]

Opening this farmers market

was one of my greatest
achievements as city councilor.

It's good for the economy,

it's good for families,

and it's good for promoting
a healthy lifestyle,

which Pawnee desperately needs.

Look at this tiny tree.

Can you eat this?

Aww. This one's dead.

Hey, Connie Cabbage.

What's good today?

Green cabbage is always
a safe bet.

Red cabbage is good.

[Chuckles] I mean,

you can't go wrong.

That's the fun thing
about cabbage.

One of the fun things.

Oh!

[Funky rock music]

Time to crank this market
up a notch, y'all!

"Chardbodies:
Get a chard on"?

Let's get "re-charded"
in here!

- What the hell is going on?
- Oh, yeah.

That's the new chard stand.

I suppose that's one way
to sell vegetables.

We got Swiss chard,
we got white chard,

we got chard poppers!

And for all you freaky vegans
out there...

We got chard shots!

Yeah!

Mmm, chard is so bitter.

Ben, do something.

What do you want me to do?

Well, you're the city manager.
Kick them out.

They're violating
every single one

of the farmers market's
rules of conduct.

By "rules of conduct,"

do you mean that wooden sign
you made

that says,
"Peas be kind to others"?

Yes, and "In case of fire,
romaine calm,"

and "You won't bay leaf
how nice olive our vendors are."

I don't like vegetables,

but I'm very good
at vegetable puns.

Okay, I admit this is
a little iffy, but...

- A little iffy?
- I can't do anything

until I check the rules
for city vendors.

Cabbage!

Come and...get it.

Connie, no.

Put those away.

- Don't.
-
I should just go

Oh, my God.
You play guitar?

No, that's a super small piano.

Okay, I'm gonna need
the sarcasm

to take a long walk right now.

My terrible nephew Sebastian

is having his sixth birthday
party this weekend,

and the clown they hired
has shingles.

- [Gasps]
- You think your band could play

for an hour?

- How much?
- 75.

$75,000?

How about 300?

$300,000?

- 150.
- They'll do it.

Ah, thank you.
That is such a relief.

I love my nephew very much,

but he's
a horrible little tyrant,

so don't ruin this day for him!

150 bucks?

Split that four ways, boom.

$600.

I'll say it again:
The men's room needs

a separate dispenser
for face wash.

I can't wash my face
with hand soap.

Look at these pores.
They're gaping.

- Hey, guys.
- Time-out.

Let's take a brief recess.

Can we help you, Ann?

I was looking for Leslie,
but now I'm curious

why you guys are sitting
around doing nothing

and getting drunk at work.

It's the whine & cheese club,
gorgeous.

It's a monthly gathering

where we all get together
and vent

about what annoys us at work.

Over fine wines and cheeses,
of course.

Larry, salami!

The human resources department

requires that I be available
once a month

to discuss workplace disputes
with my employees.

The rules do not specify

whether or not
I'm allowed to listen

to Willie Nelson
on my headphones.

And Kyle parked his car
in my spot again.

Now, that is the fourth time
this month.

-
Hello
-
Hello

I just want to choke him
until he passes out.

- Time.
- This looks like fun.

I want to try.

Mm, there's rules to this,
sweet pea.

It's Donna's turn next.

I'll cede my time to Ann.

I have a feeling
this is gonna be good.

Okay, well, I'm not gonna talk
for long,

'cause I have to pee again,

'cause I have to pee
every six minutes,

'cause I have a beach ball
in my stomach

that's punching on my bladder.

[Chuckles] That sucks.

I know.
And I'm never not hungry.

- Oh, well, have some cheese.
- I can't have cheese, Larry!

And I can't have wine either.

I can't have anything good.

You know, what I can have
is liquefied flaxseed.

But I don't want that.
You know what I want?

Pork rinds.
I want jelly beans.

And I want a huge trash bag
filled with mashed potatoes.

I want to be Pac-Man,

and instead of dots,
I want 'em to be cinnamon buns.

I want to be a giant head
and a mouth,

and I just want to eat rows
and rows of junk food pellets,

and where's my trash bag
of potatoes?

[Groans]

Time.

Yikes.

Okay, Harrison Ford
movie night.

Before we do that,
I was thinking more

about that chard guy.

I mean, it would be very easy
for you to revoke

their license.

Okay, Leslie,
this is city business,

and I'm not an emperor.

I can't just kick them out
for no reason.

The reason is
it's vegetable porn.

Porn on the cob.

I'm sorry.
I'm just very good at that.

Look, I am not a prude,

but the point is,

people shouldn't be half naked,

you know, in public,
in the middle of the day,

in front of children.

There's your reason.
Kick them out.

Look, now that
we're working together again,

maybe it would be good
to keep our home life

and our work life separate.

Like we only talk
about work stuff

when we're at city hall,

like a firewall system.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.
That's smart.

Home is home, and work is work.

We can always talk about this
tomorrow at the office.

Good.
Glad you agree.

- [Grunts]
- All right.

Crystal Skull it is.

No, it's ridiculous
to think that you could survive

a nuclear blast
by jumping into a refrigerator.

- Mm-hmm, yeah, uh-huh.
- But still, it's like--

Okay, so I found
a legal precedent

to shut down
those vegetable smut peddlers.

What is happening?

Firewall, man.

We pulled into the parking lot,

and this is technically
city hall property,

so now we're at work--
let's do this.

The farmers market is
a community meeting place,

and that pan-sexual
stripper show

basically negates
the whole purpose.

So if you're looking
for a reason to kick them out,

here's 158.

The new farmers market
rule book.

Okay, when did you make this?

I stayed up all night.

I also made these--

Leslie's toffee surprise.

The surprise is there's toffee
in the inside.

You can eat those
once you revoke

the chard vendor's license.

Good day, colleague.

Okay.
[Car door closes]

Ann Perkins!
How are you feeling?

You don't want to know.

It's all I want to know.

All right, man,
you asked for it.

I have shooting pains
that go all the way up

from my butt to my neck.

My stomach has
so many stretch marks on it

that it looks like
an old-fashioned globe.

My boobs are getting
really sore.

Also, I just read
Brooke Shields' book

on post-partum depression.

Now I have pre-post-partum
depression anxiety.

- Well, never fear.
- [Sighs]

I will get you Tylenol
for your pain

and shea butter for your belly.

And your voluptuous figure

only means your body is working

exactly as nature intended it.

There, it's all good.
Is that better?

Yeah. Thanks.

I've been reading up
on nipples.

The reason that you're feeling
nipple sensitivity

is because your milk ducts
in your nipples

are opening up,

which is why I bought you
this nipple kit.

It's from Kernsten's--
the nipple people.

It has nipple cream,
nipple pads,

and also a special
nipple pimple ointment

in case you develop
any pimples on your nipples.

Oh, my God, you have to stop
using the word "nipple."

Okay. Anyway.

Hopefully that will help you
with any sensitivity

that may arise around your...

boob hats.

Larry, get in there!
Come on!

What do--I don't even know
what we're doing.

What is the meaning
of this, nurse?

Emergency whine & cheese club.

Put your headphones on, Ron.

I have a lot of complaints.

Sit down.
I need to vent.

And do not
under any circumstances

respond to anything I say.

All right.

Let's talk about vomit, kids.

I do it all day long.

Okay, Sex Is Cool.
Got that.

I say we finish
on Drunk Off Our Asses.

And I think we should do
Sex in Space.

It's 20 minutes long,
but it's really good.

Babe, I don't think you should
play any of those songs

for a group of six-year-olds.

Whoa, wait--
six-year-olds?

Did you book us a gig
at a kids' party?

You said we were playing
at a festival.

You said Dave Grohl
might be there.

Dave Grohl might be there.
I don't know.

He might be anywhere.

The guy's awesome,
and he's unpredictable.

No, no, I'm not playing
for a bunch of screaming kids.

Mouse Rat is a rock band.
We're not the Wiggles.

Come on!

I'm sick of all the drama
with this band.

I-I quit.

I'm going
back to rabbinical school.

[Cymbals crash]

Umbilical school?

Rivers, come back.

Rivers, don't do this.
Hey!

Shaq might be there!

Hey, did you get a chance

to sign off
on that booklet I gave you?

Well, I read it,
but it seems like

your farmers market rules

may be specifically targeting
chardbodies.

What? How?

"No visible cleavage.

"No strobe lights.

No chard-related innuendo."

Those apply to all vendors.

Either way, it's too late.

The train has left the station.

Okay, what train,
from which station?

- You're revoking my license?
- Oh, boy.

Yes, Nolan, under the auspices

of the office of city manager,

et cetera, et cetera,
it's not important,

you are in violation
of many rules,

and therefore you cannot sell
your goods anymore

at the Pawnee farmers market.

Ben, back me up on this
without hesitation.

Nolan, can I have a second
to speak with my w--

with Ms. Knope
for a second?

Look, chard is disgusting.

You try selling it
without sexy dancers.

It's impossible.

It's like,
"Hey, you like lettuce?

"Try this. It's worse.

It tastes like kale
took a dump on spinach."

I like to think of it
as celery with B.O.

But if it's so gross,

you should just sell
something else.

I inherited this farm
from my dad.

It's all I have.

Plus, the other vendors
want me there.

I'm good for business.

We're not revoking
your license.

For now.

I am sorry you had to come in.

Judas!

I don't appreciate
being ambushed, Leslie.

- Let's just go home.
- No.

I know what
you're trying to do.

If we go home,
the firewall is up,

and then you don't have to deal
with me anymore.

Instead, fellow employee,

I will meet you
in the basement conference room

at 6:00 P.M.,

and we will solve
this chard issue

once and for all.

Don't forget your approval pen.

What?
There's no such thing.

Yes, there is.

I made it for you last night.

Ugh, and Lamaze class,

wait till I tell you
about that Ponzi scheme.

Ugh.

Oh, hey, Donna, what the hell?

You know I can't be
around smoke or fatty tuna.

Ron--

At first, this was funny,

but it's gotten out of hand.

This was our chance

to vent about work,
and you've taken it over.

Yeah!

It's sushi and cigar club now.

Wow. Okay.

I see how it is.

I feel bad.

I don't.
This is a Cuban.

This is yellowtail.
I feel amazing.

Whoa!
Monster in the window!

You know what
my biggest complaint is?

I have a million things
I need to complain about,

and I can't take them home
because Chris is

the most considerate person
in the world,

and he just wants to help me,

and then I feel bad about that,

and then I get annoyed
that he wants to help me,

and I feel even worse
about that!

I thought you guys
would be cool

with me complaining
'cause it's all you do,

is sit here and complain
without judgment or guilt.

But you know what?
I guess I was wrong.

And you know what?
I would yell some more,

but I think I just peed
my pants a little bit.

What's happening now?

Is the nurse upset?

I don't care.

Okay, 6:00.
Let's do this.

Larry?

Mm. Hey, Leslie.

Ben couldn't make it,

so he asked me
to read you this.

"Dear honey--"
Oh, how sweet.

- Read.
- Oh.

"Sorry, but I think we just need
to take a break

"from this work issue.

"Please don't grind your teeth
too hard

"when you hear this.
I will see you in the car.

I love you."

Oh, that is so sweet

that you still write
love letters to--

[roars]

What the hell
are you doing out here?

Sorry, babe.
I am off city hall property.

You have to stop.

Firewall.

Wrong.

All roads and bridges

fall under the purview

of the Pawnee department
of transportation,

which is located on
the fourth floor of city hall.

Firewall down.

Stay frosty, Wyatt.

We're just getting started.

Okay, well, that's interesting.

You know why?

- Why?
- Because--

Mother--

Ha-ha!

Bank! Private property.

Firewall restored!

Ha-ha-ha!

The concrete
that you're standing on

was poured by a municipal
construction crew.

[Grunts]

Private fountain,

private property.

I'm safe.

Guess where the water
comes from.

The Pawnee reservoir.

You can't escape
city hall, fool!

Let's dance.

[Door slams]

Hey, friends.

I'm just about to go
on my night jog.

Would you like to join me?

Mm, hard pass.

We're here because you need
to tend to your woman.

She's complaining
about everything,

ruining whine & cheese club.

I literally have
1,000 questions.

Why is Ron wearing headphones?

What's whine & cheese club?

And what is Ann
complaining about?

You, mostly--
how you never let her vent

because you're always too busy

trying to solve
everything for her.

She's upset that I'm trying
to help her?

You've fallen into a classic
trap, Christopher--

trying to fix
a woman's problems

instead of just listening
to what they are!

Why are you yelling?

Tom put all my records
into this rectangle!

Hey, man, if Ann needs Tylenol,

she can get it herself.

What she needs from you

is to just look her
in the eyes,

nod your head, and say
those two magic words.

"That sucks."

"That sucks"?

I spent my entire life

reading instructional books
about relationships

in order to trick women
into liking me.

When Ann tells you
what's bothering her,

don't try to fix it.

Just say,

"Damn, that sucks."

[Chortles]
The songs just play

one right after the other!

This is an excellent rectangle!

Okay, this is insane.

It is 40 degrees,

and we are standing
in freezing water.

No, this is our motivation.

We are not leaving
this fountain

until we've figured this out
once and for all.

Fine. Why are you
not supporting me on this?

I thought you agreed with me.

I do, as a person,

but as city manager,

I'm not 100% sure
you have a case.

You're not listening
to my side.

I mean, sometimes when we
disagree,

you're so passionate,

I feel like I'm arguing
with the sun.

What? That is totally crazy!

I am super chill all the time!

Look, let's just admit it.
We're in a weird position.

We're married.

Our professional status has
flipped, like, five times.

I mean, now I'm your boss.

This is "un-charded" territory
for us.

Oh, that's nice.

Thanks.
I learned from the best.

The point is,

forget firewalls.

Let's just be respectful
and communicate,

and we'll find
the right balance.

You're right.

I should have considered
your side.

I love you,

and you're also
a very smart person.

Let's get out of this fountain.

I can't because my legs
are numb.

Yeah, I can't move.
Are we gonna die here?

Yeah.

[Kids chattering]
No, don't do that.

I don't like this game.

I don't know
what the rules are!

Okay, babe, here's what I did.

Tell me if this is appropriate
for a kids' song.

I changed the lyrics
in Sex Hair to...

Andy, the word "hair"

was not the problem
with Sex Hair.

Oh, it's sex!
Oh, crap.

Now what the hell
am I supposed to sing?

It's time, Andrew.

These kids are tearing
my house apart,

and I need you to calm them
with the power of song.

Oh, gosh,
here's the thing--

I can't do it.

I got laryngitis.

You will not bail on me,
Andrew Dwyer.

You will perform.

My nephew is something
of an outcast in his school,

and I got Erica Swarvane
to come,

which is a huge get.

She rules the first grade.

And this party will determine
his social status

for the next hundred years!

So you better get out there,
or I am going to lose it!

Have you not lost it?

Oh, you don't even know!

Babe, I'm freaking out.

Listen to me.

You make up songs all the time

off the top of your head.

You do.

You can do this,
and afterwards,

we can have cake.

I already had cake.

Andy!

[Kids shouting]

Okay, focus up,
you little monsters!

Not you, Erica.
You're an angel,

and we're thrilled you're here.

Now, is everyone ready to hear

the best music
you've ever heard

in your miserable little lives?

Kids: No!

Okay, then,
ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome--

what even do you call yourself?

- Yeah, I--
- Oh, it's too late!

Please welcome Johnny Karate

and his magical guitar stick!

[Kids giggling]

Uh...

[Strums chord]

[laughter]

[laughter, overlapping chatter]

Kids: Ew!

He's doing it!

You're picking your nose,

and you put it on your friend!

Ha-ha, I started that.
Great!

Kids: Ew!

My name is Bert Macklin.

I investigate stinky feet
for the FBI.

[kids cheering]

[Yelling]

This is so fun.

I cannot believe
this only cost me 150 bucks.

Oh, hey.
How was your day?

[Sighs] It was okay.

Now my legs really hurt.

It's like I have
a tension headache,

but in my calves.

A new surprise every day.

That sucks.

I know.

And I'm so gassy.

There's just been, like,
a long, slow fart stream

coming out of me
since we started talking...

this morning.

That really sucks.

Yeah. It does.

Thanks.

I'm sorry that I was trying
to fix all your problems.

Oh, God, don't apologize.

I'm sorry I was such a freak.

You're the nicest,
most thoughtful baby daddy

a girl could ask for.

That was incredible.

You are overflowing with talent,
and I admire you.

- Oh.
- Excuse me.

- Mr. Karate?
- Mr. Karate!

My son wants you to sing
at his birthday party

next weekend.

- Are you available?
- He is,

but it's actually $250
for short notice.

You can call this number

and ask for April Karate.

Yes, I will.

- Babe...
- Oh, my God.

That was amazing.

I kind of think you can make
a career out of this.

But, I mean, I don't know.

W-what does that make me--
a kids' performer?

I'm supposed to be a rock star.

You just had fun in there
and made $150.

Who cares about what you were
supposed to be?

- Yeah.
- Plus, you have never been

sexier to me
than when you were singing

to those kids just now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Well, that's weird.

[Steel drums playing]

Nolan, I'm very sorry

that I overreacted
and overstepped my bounds.

I understand.

When I got into the chard game,

I knew I'd ruffle
some feathers.

Sure. I'm just glad
that we could all come

to an agreement.

All right, everybody,
it is now 5:00 P.M.,

which means the farmers market
is closed.

And farmers market after dark

is open for business!

[Sultry dance music]

Well, if this is the way

people want to buy
their produce, so be it.

This town is full of lunatics.

Both: Ugh!

Oh, my God,
this was a terrible idea.

Yeah, it's like a tree
barfed in my mouth.

Bleh.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0