All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s06e06 Filibuster.eng

Are you getting ready
with Andy in London?

You look lovely.

I'm going to murder you
a thousand times.

Okay.

What the hell?

Oh, my God.

Stop singing!
Kiss me!

Oh, my God!
What are you doing here?

Just missed you so bad, honey,

I bought myself a ticket home.

You're never gonna need
that computer again

'cause I'm home for,
like, 19 hours.

This is so sweet.
Just like the old days.

Take a hike, Jerry.

It's Larry now.

Okay, take a hike, Larry.

Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

Next order of business,

Councilman Jamm
proposes Bill 949-c.

That's right, stretch,

and looking mighty fly
in that suit, brother.

Okay, this excellent bill
only allows

someone to vote
in a Pawnee election,

for example,
the upcoming recall election,

if their I.D. lists
an official Pawnee address.

Really, councilman?
Again?

The recall election
is coming up,

and Jamm keeps trying to figure
out ways to screw me over.

Last week, he tried to have me
listed on the ballot

as "Leslie Buttface Hitler
the Fourth."

All you're trying to do
is disenfranchise

the people
from former Eagleton,

people who will most likely
vote for me

because I saved
a lot of their jobs.

I move that we table
the discussion

until after the election.

- Second.
- Thank you!

- Ah!
- I'm so sorry.

I just get excited
when you like me.

I put my career on the line
by saving Eagleton,

and he's trying
to rob me of their votes?

Those are my votes.

I've earned them!
I want them!

Give me those votes!

I don't have them on me.

I can't believe Jamm
tried to pull that crap.

I can.
He's a horrible monster.

But let's focus on
the more important issue.

You want to squeeze in
one more practice session?

Oh, do I?

Tonight, I am throwing Ben
his dream birthday party,

a roller skating bash
with an early '90s theme.

Ben lives for the early '90s.

The music, the fashion.
It's his favorite era.

As for the roller skating--

I have a thing
for women in skates. Okay?

Everyone has a thing,
and that's mine.

As far as things go,
it's pretty innocuous.

Could be one of those dudes that
kisses mannequins or whatever,

but I like a woman in skates.

A lot.

Hey, Ann, Ann called.

She wants her ugly outfit back.

Why are you dressed
as a pilgrim?

Leslie said it was a "Come
As You Were in the '90s" party.

I assumed it was the 1690s.

Babe, if it was the 1690s,
we'd all be mummies.

What do you think mummies are?

Skeletons?

- Oh, boy.
- Hey.

I just came straight from work,
so I couldn't dress up.

No problem.
You look wiggidy-wiggidy-

wiggidy-wiggidy-wonderful.

Wait a minute.
Pants on backwards.

Kris Kross, right?
Nice!

What happens when
you have to pee?

I actually just went.

I had to pull my pants
all the way to the ground

like a toddler.

Nadia, the super hot doctor,

has been hanging out with me
for the last week.

She's definitely
out of my league.

Actually, we're not even
playing the same sport.

It's kind of like she's in NBA

and I work at a muffler store
next to the stadium.

I can't believe we met
just before

you have to go
on your stupid vacation.

I'm doing doctors
without borders, man.

I'm going to Rwanda.

Exactly.
That's a stupid vacation.

Okay, well, why don't you
win me that huge-ass bear

as a going-away present?

No problem.
I'm a skee ball master.

No way!
Why don't you go pro?

I don't know.
I didn't want to be a cliche.

Yet another professional
Indian skee ball player?

Right.

Now that's what
I call shooting.

Is this a hunting game?

Yeah, it's fun.
You want to play?

Indeed, I do.

If you'd like,
I could offer you some pointers.

Hunting, Donna,

is about silence,
balance, and patience.

Get ready.

You know you're supposed
to hit the deer, rig?

Ugh!

Get it together, Swanson.

Well, the game is absurd.

This gun is lightweight,
there's no sight,

and we are far too close
to these deer.

Would they not smell us?

I want my money back.
How do I get my quarters?

Oh, my God!
You are such a sore loser.

I am not a sore loser.

It's just that I prefer to win,

and when I don't,
I get furious.

Employee!

Whoa! Watch this.

Oh, that was brilliant.

Sorry. You probably
don't know what that means.

You know how you Americans say
"cool" when something's cool?

Over in London, we say,
"That's brilliant."

Speaking of London,

you haven't told me
anything about work.

- You still love it?
- Yeah, it's awesome.

I'm kicking ass.

I'm like Chuck Norris,
only instead of crushing

bad guys' skulls,
I'm crushing documents.

- that's great.
- Yeah.

Now be the Chuck Norris
of making out with me.

I'll karate punch your face
with my tongue.

- Prove it.
- Hi-yah.

Get this.

I just asked the DJ
what rem albums he has.

He's got Monster, but not
Automatic For the People.

- Wow!
- I know.

It's like, what is this?
A mid-'90s party?

No.
It's an early '90s party.

Okay, Larry.
Tell us how this looks.

Ben wants to do
a synchronized couple skate

to Losing My Religion.

Hit it!

Leslie!
Leslie! Leslie!

I'm sorry,
but we have a problem.

His name is Jeremy Jamm.

Well, as noted in Article
nine, Paragraph two--

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Jamm, I thought
this bill was tabled?

Yes, and I called a special
session and un-tabled it.

What's up with the roller skates?

I was about to attend
a roller skating birthday party

for my husband,
but this is more important.

Yeah, I don't care.
I'm a blades guy.

Point of order!

The councilwoman
wishes to speak on this issue.

Will the councilwoman
yield her time

so we can vote on this sucker?

No, I will not yield.

Nor will I yield
for the rest of the evening.

A filibuster?

Are you dookin'
on my chest right now?

No! Gross!

And yes, it's a filibuster.

Okay?

I am not willing
to let you deprive me--

She's filibustering
on roller skates?

She's gonna be strapped
into those things for hours.

I know this
is a dire situation,

but I swear to God,
this is like

a crazy sex fantasy for me.

How goes it?

Pretty good,
except I suck at skee ball.

Well, that's too bad, 'cause
if you don't win me that bear,

you're dead to me.

Understood.

Hey, man, how many tickets
for that bear, again?

- 40,000.
- 40,000? Oh, brother.

All right, you're gonna be
my lookout for a second.

Hey, is he allowed to do that?

No!
Get off the ramp, dude!

Hey! You're supposed
to be my lookout.

I thought it'd be funnier
to watch you get busted.

Hey, you're a doctor.
You know snitches get stitches.

I remember
the first time I voted.

I was in my bedroom,
and I was five.

I voted for Mildred,
my stuffed pig,

but my cat, pancakes, won.

She had more funding.

Politics, right?
What are you gonna do?

How long have I been talking?
Three hours?

No, eight minutes.
Okay.

Maybe you should
yield the floor.

Milton doesn't
have a lot of time--

left on earth.

Hey, just kidding, bud.

Will someone open my crackers?

The session ends
at 11:00 P.M.

She has to talk the whole time.

She can't lean on anything
for support,

and no one else can help her.

Three strikes and she is done.

This is literally

the most exciting thing
that I've ever seen.

I mean, think about it.

Where else on earth
would you rather

spend your birthday
with Leslie?

Well, maybe the birthday party

she's throwing for me
right now.

Everyone in Pawnee
should have the right to vote.

Whoa!

As I dissect this important

and profound statement,

I'm just gonna
take these off for a second.

Bam, strike one.
No sitting.

Is the gong really necessary?

Yes, it is.
I love Chinese crap.

Lucy Liu, Nintendo,
Gangnam Style,

sushi, et cetera, et cetera.

Also, more importantly,
it's in the rules. No sitting.

Okay, fine.

Well, the strike is worth it
if I can take these off.

Oh, man!

Oh, my God!

I had this exact bear
when I was a kid!

- Excuse me.
- Uh-huh.

How much does this bear cost?

40,000 tickets.

Okay, well, let's
just assume that I'm an adult

who doesn't have two weeks
to play arcade games.

What about 50 bucks?

Yeah.
Just don't tell my boss.

- What are you doing, Morris?
- Nothing, Mr. Bonderman.

- Tuck in your shirt. God!
- Sorry.

Oh! You feeling it?

Wow.
You suck at this.

Donna, please back up two paces

so I can physically
destroy this machine.

Can you chill a little, man?
It's not real hunting.

It's just a game.

That you happen to suck at.

You know what?
That's a good point.

What?
That you suck at this?

That it's not re hunting.
Come with me.

I don't want you
to go back to London.

Just remember, every time
you look up at the moon,

I, too, will be
looking at a moon.

Not the same moon, obviously.
That's impossible.

See you on stupid Skype.

I'm proud of Andy.

This is the first time
he's really gone out on a limb.

I knew if he found something
that he actually liked doing,

he'd be happy, so I'm--

What the hell?
Wha--

Hey! Perkins!
What are you doing with my bear?

I've been playing skee ball
for, like, two hours

trying to win that for Nadia.

I just bought it for 50 bucks.

When I was a kid,

I taught myself
how to make out on this bear,

pretended it was cockroach
from The Cosby Show.

Hey, what's going on here?
Why does blossom have my bear?

I bought it for myself,
but apparently,

he was trying to win it
for you, so I'm sorry.

I still got
some tickets, though.

I could get you, uh,
a ninja turtle balloon

or Cliffhanger on VHS.

Oh, that's so sweet,

but you're basically
offering me garbage.

Let's just skate.

That bear was the only thing
she was gonna have

to remember me by in Rwanda.

And if I know anything
about Rwanda, and I don't,

I bet it's full of rich guys

who'll buy her
whatever she wants.

Hunting.
No quarters required.

Hang on.

Do you have a license
to hunt at night?

'Cause you need a license.

I thought you were serious.

Come on now.
You know I don't give a [bleep].

As Ronald Reagan would say,

"Well, mommy, I believe
voting rights are important."

Does anyone else
think it's hot in here?

These overalls
are really starchy.

Yeah, maybe that's 'cause
I turned up the heat to 90,

and, uh, oh, the knob
broke off in my hand.

Oops.

Well, speaking of heat,

we should discuss
America's white-hot passion

for voting rights
and the men and women

who help protect them,

like the local
city councilwoman

who is starving and thinking
about her husband's

Reservoir Dog- themed
birthday cake

and wanting to eat it
really badly.

Oh, this is not a good sign.

Once she starts
thinking about birthday cake,

she's basically useless
until she eats birthday cake.

Democracy is not unlike a cake.

It's layered, delicious,
chocolate, and I want some.

Okay, she's fading.

Ben, we need to find
a way to smuggle

some mineral oil drops
onto her tongue.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Excuse me.

What the hell
are you people doing here?

We represent the citizens
of former Eagleton.

We're here to support
Leslie Knope

for preserving
our voting rights.

Thank you!

You are all warriors
of democracy.

You know, it was the first mayor
of Pawnee, in 1817,

who said, "All we have
is the right to vote

and the right to kill Indians
without consequence."

And I believe that half
of that statement

is still true today.

All right!

Second wind!

Andy, I know you're in there.

Andy, come on.

Oh, hey.

I was just--

just here in this dumpster
'cause I jumped in.

Get out!
We need to talk.

About what?

Fresh air, real weapons,
an honest kill.

There is no substitute
for the real thing.

You want to go back and play
that video game, don't you?

Yes! Damn it!

It is so inspiring
to see Eagletonians

putting aside their prejudices.

With support like this,
Leslie Knope

may stand a fighting chance
on recall day.

- Permission to hug you.
- Granted.

I should mention, though,

that we're not voting
to keep Leslie.

What?

We want someone from Eagleton

to represent our interests
on the new city council.

Sir, I formally revoke our hug.

Well, you can't.
It happened.

We stand on the side
of Rosa Parks,

and Gandhi, and Team Aniston.

One small vote for Pawnee

is one giant leap
of voting for mankind.

Hey!

Hey, you're not allowed
to receive help from the crowd.

That's strike two.

Hey, man, leave my gong alone.

The reverb is the best part.

If I save your right to vote,

you're gonna vote
for someone from Eagleton?

Eagleton! Eagleton!

Hey, Knope! Wrap it up!

I'm not gonna yield.

I just--I need some time to think.

And because I must keep talking,
I'm gonna think out loud.

Okay, if Eagletonians
vote for someone else,

then it would be in my
best interest to stop, right?

So they can't vote.

Uh, da-doy.
Yield.

Or I keep going,

because the right to vote
is fundamental in any democracy,

and this is bigger than me
or anyone.

I don't care if I lose.

No one prevents people
in my town from voting.

Not on my watch.

The filibuster is on!

Yeah!

Okay.

I can't go back to London.

I'm totally in over my head
on this project.

Every day, someone
comes up to me and says,

"I need your approval
on this, Mr. Dwyer."

"I need your signature,
Mr. Dwyer."

"That's not a toilet,
Mr. Dwyer."

But you said everything
was going awesome.

You said you
were like Chuck Norris.

I am, but I'm
like Chuck Norris now--

some old guy with a beard
who used to be good at karate

but became a dumb has-been

and is scared and confused
about his big London job.

Okay.

The parallels between
he and I are very eerie.

I'm gonna tell you a secret
about everyone else's job.

Okay.

No one knows
what they're doing.

I don't know how to run
an animal control department.

Half the documents I get
I put right into the shredder

because they're so boring.

But you seem like you
do know what you're doing.

Yeah, I seem like it.

Deep down,
everyone is just faking it

until they figure it out.

And you will too,
because you are awesome

and everyone else sucks.

- 30 minutes to go.
- Oh, God, it's so hot.

Almost as hot as the flames

that Eagleton
would have gone down in

if I had not saved them.

Mm, mm, mm.

- That's--
- How I know you would love

an ice-cold frozen marg.

All I want
is the promise of democracy.

Sure about that?

- I want that marg.
- I know you do.

- I want that Margarita.
- Oh, it's gonna be so good.

So cold.
It's so cold.

- I want to drink it.
- Make that heat go away!

Come on, get!

Come on, girl.
Get!

Give me that Margarita!

No!
I want votes.

Excuse me, worker,

bring me a bucket of beers
and four hot dogs.

Please, and thank you.

Why are you covered in blood?

Don't worry.
It's not human.

I hope you've made peace
with your God,

small electronic deer.

Kill it.

Ann, I need that bear.

I got to give Nadia
something awesome

so she'll remember me
when she's in Africa.

Tom, bear or no bear,
she clearly likes you.

Actually, how do you even
get girls like her--

or me--
to go out with you?

Scientists say
the emotions of love and hate

are very close to each other.

That's what I tell women.

The point is,
she's leaving in two days.

You want her to remember you?

Go spend time with her

and do something
memorable, dummy!

Thanks, Ann.

I know conversations
like this are hard for you

'cause you still
have feelings for me,

but you'll land
on your feet, kid.

- Run or I punch you.
- No punchies!

Okay, bye for real this time.

Wait, wait, wait.

I made you five bologna
sandwiches

in case you get hungry
on the way to the airport.

Did you--

Yes, I used cookies
instead of bread.

You think of everything.
I love you.

Love you too.

Are you kidding me?

- Andy!
- Ha! Ha! Found it!

I got--I left my wallet
in here earlier, I guess.

Whoo! All good now.

Ooh, look!
Noodles!

No, no, no, babe.
Babe, don't touch those.

I've read the entire charter.

There's no other way
to get her a bathroom break...

unless we bring
the bathroom to her--

that's nothing.

I mean,
she's not gonna make it.

Look at her, she's dancing
around like she's a character

in one of those
Peanuts cartoons.

Okay,
in these last few minutes,

I would like to talk about
the voting rights act of 1968

while clenching every muscle
in my body.

Sound good?

Hey, Knope,
how you feeling over there?

You go pee-pee?
Pee-pee times?

Make wee-wee?

Ten more seconds.

Four, three, two, one!

This session is adjourned.

All pending matters are tabled.

Yes!

- You were amazing.
- I love you, but move!

I have to go
to the whiz palace.

Oh, wait!

Eagleton! Eagleton!

Oh!
My beautiful curls!

She didn't have time to hug me,

but she could do that?

Hey, Ann, can I talk to you
for a second? About Tom?

Sure.

You guys look like
you're having fun.

Yeah, no, I really like him.

I just wanted to say that
I think you're really cool,

and the fact that Tom dated you

makes me think
he's a really good guy.

That's so sweet.

Oh, okay.

Wha--what are you--

- What the hell?
- Now!

Sorry, Ann, this is on you.

You told us to make a memory.

- There's your money back.
- Let go!

Suck it!

This is $8!

- Man, that was so much fun.
- Yeah.

Together,
we truly did steal a toy

from your pregnant friend.

- Hey, can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm.

I know we just met, like,
two weeks ago and whatever,

but is there any chance maybe,

when you get back,
we can maybe--

Ugh. Clingy.

Oh, no. Sorry.
No, no, no, no.

I'm kidding.

Of course I'll call you
when I come back.

- Really?
- Yeah.

So long, suckers!

Hey! Quick!

Ooh!

Come on, come on,
come on, come on!

Now that's what I call shooting.

- Come on!
- That's a new record!

Hey!
Look at that!

You finally made it
in the top 10.

Now you can
enter your initials.

My initials are private.

Then just put in
any three letters.

Ass.

Oh, my God!
That was epic!

I was peeing so freakin' hard,

it was like
a jacuzzi jet or--

- Hi, Leslie.
- Hey! Ingrid!

I wasn't talking
about the velocity of my pee

because you are a very smart
and classy lady.

Ben, you remember
Ingrid de Forest

from the former Eagleton.

Yes, she was just telling me
she's been nominated

to run against you
in the recall.

Wow.
Buzz kill.

I know you must hate me
right now, Leslie,

and that's justified,

but I need to thank you
for what you just did in there.

Not the forceful urination.
The filibuster.

Right, yeah.

It was incredibly courageous,
and it was selfless.

And if I do win,

I'm gonna have very big
roller skates to fill.

Could I take you out
for a celebratory plate of--

I think you call them waffles?

Wow, that is the best offer
you could ever make,

but I had to miss my husband's
birthday party for this,

so I think I'll be spending
the evening with him.

- A rain check, maybe.
- Please.

I'm sorry your birthday party
got all screwed up.

Maybe I should put
those roller skates back on.

Well, you must be exhausted.

We don't have
to go to the party.

Oh, we're not
going to the party.

We're going home.

Then why would you need
to put on roller...skates?

Oh, yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

We're just--
we're just--skates...

Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0