All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s05e20 ment.eng

Hey. I didn't find the
article about you teaching

sex-ed to seniors, but I did
find this folder labeled

- "Senior sex-ed thank you notes."
- Oh, don't open that.

There's pictures in there.

Oh! There are pictures.

There are lots of pictures.

Why would you not throw these
away or incinerate them?

Because every memory deserves
to be chronicled.

Even the saggy ones.

I am putting together
a scrapbook commemorating

my first year
on the city council.

This year whizzed by so fast.

There was so much
more I wanted to do.

But time is the relentless
and cruel enemy

of the devoted civil servant.

It's actually one of
the sub-titles of my scrapbook.

Probably would've got
more stuff done

if I hadn't spent
so much time

brainstorming scrapbook titles.

Ben and Leslie's day off.

Let's go relax.

I cannot wait for our day off.

But what if we took
a day on

and stayed here
and worked on some projects?

- That sounds pretty sexy, right?
- No.

Leslie, you've worked nonstop.
Holidays and weekends.

You're just gonna take
a day off.

- It'll be good for you.
- All right. You're cute.

- And you're right.
- Come on.

- Let's relax.
- All right.

Hey, April.

I'll be gone for
the next 19 1/2 hours,

so can you water my plants
in my office?

We are all out of water,
actually.

I'll have to use
boiling hot milk.

- Are you really gonna do that?
- Yes.

Well, everybody.
Um, wow.

It has been an honor
and a pleasure

to work with you all.

The time I have spent
at Parks and Rec

have been the happiest days

of my life here
in the government.

And I know everyone says it,
but I sincerely hope

that we stay in touch.

What the [Bleep]
is happening right now?

Today's my last day, Leslie.

I'm retiring.

What?
Why didn't you tell us?

Well, I didn't want to make
a big fuss.

Although, gosh, I'm pretty sure
I mentioned it a few times.

Oh, God, they're gonna
fire people, aren't they?

Yeah, I am two years
from my pension.

Can you believe it?

Only six months left
until I retire.

Ooh.

What did Jerry say?

Jerry was here?

Well, this is my last weep.
Oops.

I mean, "weep."
Week.

Jeez.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait. Just wait.

Everybody wait. Okay.

As much as we want this
to happen,

we can't let Jerry
just disappear.

We have to commemorate
this somehow.

You're right.

Jerry, thank you
for your service.

Good-bye.

Thanks, Ron.
That speech means a lot.

Okay, well, I am going to go
and say good-bye

to some other folks.

Okay, see you tomorrow,
Jerry.

So we ran all your tests,
and everything looks great.

You might be the healthiest
human being we've ever seen.

You have the resting heart rate
of a 100-year-old tortoise.

Yes, I get that a lot.

So my childhood illness--

there's no chance
I would pass that on?

It wasn't genetic,
so you shouldn't worry at all.

You have every reason
to expect a healthy child.

In fact, if you'd like, you
can provide your sample today.

Today?

Like, today, today?

- This today?
- Well, yes.

I mean, the timing is right

according
to Ann's ovulation schedule.

Unless there's a reason

you'd like to wait
till next month.

No.

None.

One other question.

Completely off topic.

Would I be providing
this sample... today?

Here I am thinking about
how fast

my first year in city council
has gone,

and Jerry has had 40 years
whiz past him

with nothing to show for it.

This is everything
in his file--

a handicapped parking sticker
from when he got gout,

a Parks and Rec golf cart
driving exam

which he failed,

a scathing performance review.

I mean, why would
anyone be so mean?

Oh, wait. I wrote this.

I stand by it.

Well, Jerry was never really
the type

to rise above mediocrity
or to it.

That's what I thought,
but when he started,

he had a lot of dreams
and goals.

I mean, look at
his original entry paperwork.

He wanted to meet the mayor,

have a building
named after him.

I just can't let Jerry
leave here with nothing

and go home to an empty life.

Well, I'll help with anything.

Just promise
we'll do it quickly.

I'm making us
a mac and cheese pizza for--

- Mac and cheese pizza?
- Yeah.

- You're making that?
- Yeah.

Torturing Jerry was my
favorite thing in the world.

After making out with you.

Remember when we did both
at the same time?

It made him
so uncomfortable.

This is a sad day.

Who are we gonna
make fun of now?

No need to worry.

Every place I've ever worked in

has had a "Jerry."

When one Jerry leaves,

the office naturally selects

a new Jerry to fill that role.

It's Social Darwinism.

The strong prey
on the weak.

Soon, one of you will be
ridiculed mercilessly.

Ah, nature.

Okay.
My transfer was approved.

So starting now,
I am an employee

of the County Health Board.

You are no longer my boss,

and we can have a baby

without being a conflict
of interest.

Clear sailing.

Goodbye, Ann Perkins,
my excellent employee.

Hello, Ann Perkins,
my fallopian princess.

So here's the drill.

Make a deposit in here.

If you fill it
up all the way,

you get on the board.

Then we take the sample,
spin it in the centrifuge,

and prepare it
for fertilization.

Sounds romantic.

I guess it's go time.

Go time!

Wait, what am I doing?
I don't go with you.

Oh, no, no.
I go in alone

with this pornographic disc
and do it myself.

And you stay out here

and try not to think about
what I'm doing in there.

And I try not to think

about you waiting out here

trying not to think about me.

Should I think about you?

This is so weird.

Chris, we don't have
to do this today.

This was totally
just sprung on us.

Let's just take a moment.

There's so many pamphlets
to look at.

Yes, we do have

very important
pamphlet reading to do.

Excellent idea, Ann Perkins.

Do I keep this?

I don't know.
It feels wrong to leave it here.

Give it to me.

I panicked. Run!

Here are the last
of the Animal Control reports.

What are you doing, weirdo?

Just trying not
to spill anything.

I believe Leslie said
to organize these by year.

Way ahead of you.

I made two pile files.

Pilo fibles. Ugh.
Filo pilos.

Filo pilos?
That's not right.

- Are you broken?
- No, everything's fine.

Well, I guess that settles
who the new Jerry is.

No, it doesn't!
I barely even said it wrong.

- Said it wrong.
- Stop it!

This is how it begins.

The next "Jerry."

One screwed-up sentence,
and 30 years later,

I'm wearing
aquamarine sweater vests

and listening to
Bonnie Raitt

and The da Vinci Code
on my iPod.

It's already started.

Believe it or not, Jerry,
you were young once.

Young and full of dreams.

I forgot I wrote all this.

And as unrealistic
and absurd as those goals were,

we are not letting you retire
until we help you achieve them.

So let's see what's first.

"Eat in city council
private dining room."

That we can achieve.

Right now?

Sure. Let's go.

Authorized personnel only.

Oh, they're with me.

City Councilor Leslie Knope,
clearance level four.

Guests are only allowed
on Wednesdays.

And we don't have
clearance levels.

I know, but shouldn't we?

I mean, it sounds so cool.

Anyway, we just need to get
in there real quick

and maybe take a picture.

He's retiring
as a city hall employee

after 41 years,

and it was his dream
to eat here.

His dream? Really?

- Still no.
- It's okay, Leslie. Come on.

But thank you.
Thank you for trying.

No, no, no, no, no.
I promised you

an executive meal
and you're gonna get one.

Ben, just--okay.

I'm gonna go in there
and take a picture with Jerry.

I put my arm around nothing.

And then you Photoshop him
in later, okay?

Congratulations
on your retirement.

Aw, thank you.

One, three, seven, two, five,
nine.

Pffft!

Sudoku is easy.

Is there even rules
to this game?

There's a natural successor
to Jerry's sad, smelly crown.

And it's not me.
It's Andy.

Big guy? Check.

Goofy? Check.

All I have to do is wait
for a textbook Dwyer screw-up,

which usually happens, mm,
every 20 minutes.

Hey, if it isn't Filo Pilo.

Oh, real creative, Donna.

You expect that to catch on?

Babe, the pen.

Look at Andy.
There's ink all over him.

Andy's the new Jerry.

Game over.

Awesome.

Hey, I'm like a giant squid.

- Hey, honey, I'm ink Dracula.
- No, stop.

Squid Dracula
is going to get you.

Barking up the wrong tree,
Filo.

What do you mean?

Andy will never
be the new Jerry.

Nothing embarrasses him.

He's like a giant puppy
with no shame.

What you need is some fresh meat
in the office.

Or you guys could just stop
making fun of me.

Yeah. No.

Okay,
on to the next Jerry goal--

meet Mayor Knudson.

Oh, yeah.
He was the mayor at the time.

I've always wanted
to meet him.

Well, today you're getting
that chance.

So was he like

- a really great mayor?
- No, not really.

He resigned because of
corruption and racketeering,

and then he died
from an overdose of pills.

But actually his real
cause of death

was being thrown out of
a helicopter while handcuffed.

Some people say
he's still alive

because they never found
the body,

but they never found the body
because he exploded on impact.

- Sounds like a good dude.
- Yeah.

I just wish I had a chance
to meet him,

you know, years ago before all
the scandals and his death.

But this is nice too.

- Yeah.
- Is it?

- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.

It is.

Okay, go over there.

Let's meet Mayor Knudson.

I'll take your picture.

Butterflies.

Hello, Mr. Mayor.

First of all, I'm so sorry

that those Serbian mobsters
shoved you

out of that helicopter.

You deserve better.

Okay, you tried,
but I took a day off

to spend with you,
not with you and Jerry

and a dead mayor.

Can we please
just call it a day?

No, we can't because
in a few short years,

we're gonna be visiting
Jerry here,

and he will have achieved
nothing.

Is that what you want?

- No.
- Okay, then.

It's really been nice
to meet you.

- Okay, Jerry, let's go.
- Ooh.

Ronfire of the vanities.

Filo Pilo.

Are you kidding me?

Listen, now that Jerry's gone,

we need to hire someone
to pick up the slack.

A new person in the office?

Not a person.
An intern.

Why on earth
would I get an intern?

Interns cost nothing
to the taxpayer.

And more importantly,

they're usually
stupid and terrible.

So they get no work done.

It's like a Jerry
you don't have to pay.

Damn, son.
That is one compelling argument.

Keep it up, Filo.

We may destroy this government
one day after all.

These pamphlets
are fascinating.

It says here that some men
gain "sympathy weight"

when their partners
get pregnant.

If that happens to me,
I'd be miserable.

But happy.

But sad.

I would have never imagined

the baby-making process
to be this clinical.

I mean, imagine if actual sex
were like this.

Let me remove my clothes

so we may begin to engage
in physical activity

to multiply our genes.

And it's also weird
because we dated

and we remember what it's like
to engage in some of those

- physical activities.
- Exactly.

And we were also pretty good
at those physical activities.

Yes, we were.

Yes, we were.

You know,
is this all the pamphlets?

'Cause I think that maybe

I have some left
in my bedroom.

Oh, well, then,

we should definitely
go look for those.

- Let's find those.
- We need to find those.

Hurry.

Okay, everyone gather around.

Leslie,
I really appreciate this,

but I did promise Gayle
I would leave by 5:00.

She has a tasty surprise
waiting for me,

if you know what I mean.

Gross, Jerry.

She made a meatloaf.

Well, this is better
than meatloaf.

When Jerry first applied
for this job,

one of this goals was to have
a building named after him.

Again,
that is an absurd request

considering your work record.

But I thought
maybe he could have a room

named after him.

So henceforth,
Parks and Rec conference room

will serve as a testament

to your years
of public service.

- Oh, my God.
- Hear, hear.

"Jerry Gergich Memorial
Conference Room.

R.I.P."?

Oh, the guy at the plaque
store thought you had died.

It was a rush job, so we
didn't have time to change it.

It doesn't matter.

We can just pretend it means
retire in peace.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.

- So bring out the cake!
- Oh.

Speech, speech, speech.

Well, thank you, guys.

I'm not much of a speechmaker,

but I do like good cake.
Delicious.

Uh, you're on fire.

Oh!

Oh, my God, Jerry!

Whoa.

Well, that went roughly
as well as I thought it would.

I promised Gayle
I'd leave at 5:00.

I guess this is it.

Bye.

See you tomorrow, Jeremy.

Well, pretty heroic,
huh, guys?

Hard to make fun of that.

Oh, man, the cake.

Filo Pilo ruined the cake.

Classic Pilo.

What
how is that my fault?

Stupid Jerry. Should have
never saved his life.

Hey, Jerry.

Do you have a second?

Leslie. Well,
this is a lovely surprise.

Come on in.
Have breakfast with the family.

That's okay.
I just popped by to apologize

and to give you something.

- Is that Leslie Knope?
- Yes.

Oh, hi, Gayle.

What a surprise.

I insist you join us
for breakfast.

This guy is the greatest
breakfast chef in the world.

You know, I'm not really
into breakfast foods.

Really? Your purse
is shaped like a waffle.

- Is it?
- Please join us.

The Gergiches don't take no
for an answer.

- Mm-mm.
- Ugh, okay.

Come on in.

Girls, we've got company.

So, you want
to get out of here?

Work just started,
Ms. Meagle.

Yeah, but our work
is just beginning.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, Donna,
who's the new boy toy?

I'm Taylor,
the new intern.

This is the new intern?
Are you kidding me?

Yeah, he went to high school
with my sister, Natalie.

He was a big deal
on the football team.

Oh, meathead jock type,
huh?

Actually, I quit football
senior year

so I could help my pastor
run a homeless shelter.

Oh.
Pfftt!

This guy loves the homeless
so much,

he should marry them, right?

Anybody would be lucky
to marry him.

Hey, Taylor, do you want
to marry me and April?

Wish I could, man,
but I'm not a "marriage" dude.

I've got a lot of love
to give,

and it just seems unfair
to put boundaries on it.

He gets it.

You so get it.

Oh, hey.

Hi. Should I keep walking
towards you?

Yeah, I could stop,
and you could walk.

Or you know what,
we could meet in the middle.

Great plan.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Welp.
- Okay.

Ron, ask me if I'm sad.

No.

Ron, I'm the new Jerry.

Well, is whining going to do
anything about it?

You don't want to be
a whipping boy.

Stand up for yourself.

You don't understand, Ron.

I already was Jerry.

I was a skinny Indian kid
in South Carolina,

and it sucked.

It took me 12 years,
but I reinvented myself.

I'm a business owner.
I wear dope suits.

I have fur underwear.

It was all for nothing.

I'm back to being a Jerry.

All right.

I gotta buy some sweat pants
and a Nicholas Sparks novel.

Might as well lean into it.

Tom can take care of himself.
He's a grown man.

Well, half-grown.

He does have a business

where he rents out his clothes
to 12-year-olds.

Oh, me?

Very good.

We sing that every morning.

But it's an extra treat

because you're here
to sing it with us.

Thanks, guys.

Jerry, I wanted your last day

at work to be special,
and I feel like I let you down.

No!

So I made you this scrapbook
with nearly 4 amazing pages

jam-packed with memories

of your time in the government.

Oh, my go--

well, look.

Oh, honey.

You look great
in every one of these.

You are still
the most handsome man

in the world to me.

Ugh.

Mom, come on.

Yeah, jeez, mom.
We're eating.

You know, it doesn't
make any sense.

Leslie,
that is really sweet of you,

but you don't
have to worry about me.

I'm great.

Here.
I want to show you something.

Okay.

No!

You also dropped that,
clumsy.

Where am I?

I know I didn't achieve
all my work goals,

but, Leslie, I don't care

because for me,
the best part

about working
in the Parks department

was that I got to be home
every night

with my family at 5:00.

And to me,
that's what mattered most.

Little Sebastian...
Oh, wow.

Jerry.

Thank you for sharing this
with me.

I--

You have a wonderful life.

Mmhmm.
Aw.

Group hug.

Uhoh, here they are.

The hug machine is here.

The hug machine--

it's firing on all cylinders.

Okay, I think we should be adults
and talk about this.

I would love to.

I was nervous after yesterday

because I was thinking
what does this mean for us?

Not as parents,
but as Chris and Ann?

I don't think on-again,
off-again

is a great parental model.

Well, I completely agree.

But if there is
a hypothetical chance

that we could provide a home
with two parents

who are hypothetically
together,

then that could be even better
hypothetically.

Of course.
We should discuss and consider

all the possibilities.

The most important thing for me
and I think for you

is that we have a child.

And I don't want to do anything
to jeopardize that.

Do you want to make out?

I really do.

Hey.

What are you doing here,
Jerry?

I thought you were fired.

I wasn't fired.
I retired.

That's what they all say.

I asked Jerry to come in.

That new intern wasn't working
out, so I got rid of him.

Once again, I object in
the strongest possible terms.

Once again, noted.

I have also asked Jerry to come
in a couple hours a week

until we find
a permanent replacement.

Ugh, just when
we were rid of him?

Yeah, I don't know, Ron.

Are you hearing me, son?

Jerry will come in
once a week,

and everyone will get
to watch him eat

and talk to him about anything
he might do or say or fart.

- Welcome back, Jerry.
- Thank you.

Oh, it feels good
just to be ba--

Classic new guy.

I'm sorry that I spent
your day off with Jerry

- instead of relaxing with you.
- It's all right.

And after you fell asleep
making Jerry's scrapbook,

I went back to season
one of Fringe

to check for plot holes.

As I suspected--airtight.

I'm sorry.
This is all my fault.

I love my job.

But in the blink of an eye,
I'm gonna be retiring,

you know, and flying off
on Marine One

with you
and a Secret Service detail.

Achievements are great,

but I want more than that.

I want what Jerry has.

I mean,
we're always gonna work,

but I think we need to fill
this scrapbook too.

Maybe we should take
a real day off

and talk about starting
our family.

Yeah.
That sounds perfect.

Hey, while you were
over at Jerry's,

did you happen to get
any information

about his history with Gayle?

Like, was she a Russian spy

and the KGB forced her
to marry Jerry as a cover?

You know, it's a mystery, Ben.
Let it go.

Yeah, I can't.
It keeps me awake at night.

Hey, maybe Gayle
has one of those

Oliver Sacks
brain disorder thingies?

Like, does she think Jerry
is a friendly hat?

I think you solved it.

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