Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:13,424
Webster's defines
2
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,231
"class"
as "a group of students
3
00:00:15,291 --> 00:00:18,702
gathered at a pre-ordained time
for the purposes of education."
4
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:22,460
Angela pretty much
epitomized class.
5
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:25,741
Who could turn the world on
with her smile? Angela.
6
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:27,506
Who could take
a nothing day
7
00:00:27,571 --> 00:00:29,686
and suddenly make it all
seem worthwhile?
8
00:00:29,860 --> 00:00:30,936
Angela.
9
00:00:31,630 --> 00:00:34,397
So no one told you
life was gonna be this way.
10
00:00:35,430 --> 00:00:36,595
Angela.
11
00:00:36,835 --> 00:00:38,473
Sometimes
you want to go
12
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,382
where everybody knows
your name.
13
00:00:40,773 --> 00:00:41,931
Angela.
14
00:00:42,740 --> 00:00:46,808
Singing "Sanford and Son"
Theme song...
15
00:00:47,179 --> 00:00:48,196
Angela.
16
00:00:48,514 --> 00:00:50,804
I'm sorry.
Death is hard for me.
17
00:00:50,983 --> 00:00:53,671
But at least Angela died
doing what she loved:
18
00:00:53,752 --> 00:00:56,608
swimming less than 20 minutes
after she had eaten.
19
00:00:56,722 --> 00:00:57,983
That's a real thing, kids.
20
00:00:58,480 --> 00:00:59,335
Listen to your mothers.
21
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:00,811
That was Angela.
22
00:01:00,991 --> 00:01:03,690
Fearless.
Spontaneous.
23
00:01:03,228 --> 00:01:06,366
Honest, about herself
just as much as she was
24
00:01:06,431 --> 00:01:07,866
about the world around her.
25
00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:10,390
She had grace,
courage,
26
00:01:10,141 --> 00:01:12,515
and an unmatched zest
for life.
27
00:01:12,954 --> 00:01:15,787
She may be gone,
but her voice will live on
28
00:01:15,852 --> 00:01:17,720
in DVD and Hulu Plus
29
00:01:17,785 --> 00:01:20,819
and tiny droid-projected
messages.
30
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,163
I may have lost a boss,
31
00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:26,507
but heaven
has gained a princess.
32
00:01:30,259 --> 00:01:32,668
And I am
at the wrong funeral.
33
00:01:34,558 --> 00:01:38,709
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
34
00:01:38,774 --> 00:01:41,842
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
35
00:01:41,907 --> 00:01:45,406
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
36
00:01:45,471 --> 00:01:48,233
♪ On which we used to
relyyyyyy? ♪
37
00:01:48,618 --> 00:01:51,897
♪ Lucky there's
a family guy ♪
38
00:01:51,962 --> 00:01:55,149
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
39
00:01:55,214 --> 00:01:56,873
♪ All the things
that make us ♪
40
00:01:56,938 --> 00:01:58,552
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
41
00:01:58,617 --> 00:02:04,577
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
*FAMILY GUY*
42
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,968
Season 17 Episode 09
Episode Title: "Pawtucket Pete"
43
00:02:09,995 --> 00:02:12,320
Any idea what this meeting is about?
44
00:02:15,387 --> 00:02:16,947
Oh, we're getting
a new boss?
45
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,440
I hope
it's Hugo Boss.
46
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:19,916
Then we'll all look
snazzy.
47
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,501
Tonight's episode of Family Guy
48
00:02:21,566 --> 00:02:23,298
is brought to you
by Hugo Boss.
49
00:02:23,363 --> 00:02:25,626
Look for us in the
low-trafficked corner of Macy's
50
00:02:25,691 --> 00:02:28,713
between Eddie Bauer and
the never-bought male jewelry.
51
00:02:28,821 --> 00:02:30,251
Attention, everyone!
52
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,170
Do not adjust
your TV sets.
53
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,354
We are an interracial couple.
54
00:02:34,433 --> 00:02:35,991
I'd like
to introduce myself.
55
00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,359
My name is Bert and this
is my lovely wife Sheila.
56
00:02:39,629 --> 00:02:42,197
Two sets of disappointed parents
right there.
57
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:44,205
- Well, only her parents.
- Aah!
58
00:02:44,429 --> 00:02:46,468
Now that Angela's
no longer with us,
59
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,188
we will be
your new bosses.
60
00:02:48,253 --> 00:02:50,548
We're splitting the job
because one of the shareholders'
61
00:02:50,613 --> 00:02:53,208
favorite songs was
"Ebony and Ivory,"
62
00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:55,103
so here we are.
63
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:57,646
Now we know
it's difficult to remember
64
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,971
two new names,
so to make things easier,
65
00:03:00,450 --> 00:03:02,822
- you can call us "Beila."
- Or "Shert."
66
00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:06,786
Boy, I bet you
she's a handful in the bedroom.
67
00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:08,306
Two handfuls, baby.
68
00:03:08,371 --> 00:03:10,212
Damn it, I went all the way
around the room!
69
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:12,470
Now, some of you
may find the idea
70
00:03:12,535 --> 00:03:15,310
of two bosses
unconventional, but...
71
00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:18,391
we assure you
nothing will be different.
72
00:03:18,456 --> 00:03:21,403
And our door
will always be open
73
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:23,904
to you
any time of day.
74
00:03:23,969 --> 00:03:28,675
And there is no issue
too big or too small.
75
00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:31,381
Nice to meet
all of you.
76
00:03:31,476 --> 00:03:34,515
So, as our
mascot Pawtucket Pat says,
77
00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:38,227
"All ye Federalists, imbibe!"
78
00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:41,787
It-It means,
"Everybody, drink."
79
00:03:41,883 --> 00:03:43,235
Yay!
80
00:03:43,313 --> 00:03:45,842
Two bosses?
This sucks.
81
00:03:45,955 --> 00:03:47,775
Well, at least it beats
being home with my wife.
82
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:48,848
Peter!
83
00:03:48,926 --> 00:03:51,123
Aah! When did
we cut back home?
84
00:03:56,992 --> 00:03:58,874
- Hey, Peter.
- All right, Sheila,
85
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,279
let's do it right here
on the desk while Bert watches.
86
00:04:01,344 --> 00:04:03,175
No, Peter,
that's not what this is.
87
00:04:03,313 --> 00:04:05,244
Sorry, I-I thought
I was picking up on a vibe.
88
00:04:05,336 --> 00:04:08,505
So, Peter, we've been tasked
with making the operations
89
00:04:08,570 --> 00:04:10,545
around here
run more efficiently,
90
00:04:10,616 --> 00:04:13,669
and part of that
will involve reassigning people
91
00:04:13,734 --> 00:04:15,107
based on their abilities.
92
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:18,530
We want you to be
the office recyclables guy.
93
00:04:18,123 --> 00:04:20,220
So we're gonna
put a flag on you,
94
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:21,863
and wherever you go,
people will know
95
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,154
that's where
they put their recyclables.
96
00:04:25,911 --> 00:04:27,951
Please
don't just throw them over.
97
00:04:30,302 --> 00:04:32,607
Well, at least make sure all
the liquids are gone, please,
98
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,459
before you throw them.
99
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,745
Smithers, who is that
young go-getter?
100
00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:41,900
That's a character
from another show, sir.
101
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:43,725
- Simpson, you say?
- Pretty much, sir.
102
00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:50,591
We now return to Titanic 2,
103
00:04:50,656 --> 00:04:52,504
narrated by Al Gore.
104
00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:56,363
Iceberg, right ahead!
105
00:04:56,428 --> 00:05:00,191
But due to man's
excessive use of fossil fuels,
106
00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:02,502
climate change had rendered
the iceberg
107
00:05:02,567 --> 00:05:05,481
nothing more than
a small cube.
108
00:05:08,326 --> 00:05:09,876
Peter, why are you
wearing a flag?
109
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:12,446
Eh, it's part of my job now
'cause of my new bosses.
110
00:05:12,511 --> 00:05:14,381
Uh, is it a promotion?
111
00:05:14,446 --> 00:05:16,480
Because it doesn't
look like a promotion.
112
00:05:16,545 --> 00:05:18,563
No, it looks like
an old lady's Rascal.
113
00:05:18,628 --> 00:05:21,221
- Aah!
- So, who are these new bosses?
114
00:05:21,286 --> 00:05:24,491
Their names are Bert and Sheila.
My job sucks now.
115
00:05:24,556 --> 00:05:26,960
It's worse than when
I was a dinosaur walker.
116
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:29,898
- Hey!
- What?
117
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,629
- Pick that up!
- Pick what up?
118
00:05:31,697 --> 00:05:33,816
- That!
- That? That was there.
119
00:05:33,881 --> 00:05:35,503
No, you were looking at
your phone.
120
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,138
- No, I wasn't.
- Yes, you were.
121
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:38,506
Sir, this is a neighborhood
122
00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:40,474
where we respect the rules of society.
123
00:05:40,539 --> 00:05:43,410
Ooh! Society now.
Sir Thomas More up here.
124
00:05:43,475 --> 00:05:44,558
Good for you
and your neighborhood.
125
00:05:44,623 --> 00:05:45,800
I'm gonna take a picture of you
and
126
00:05:45,865 --> 00:05:48,248
- post it on Facebook.
- Oh, great! I hope it gets a lot of likes.
127
00:05:48,313 --> 00:05:49,582
You know what?
I forgot my bag.
128
00:05:49,647 --> 00:05:51,927
- Ooh, you forgot your bag?
- Yeah, I forgot my bag.
129
00:05:51,992 --> 00:05:53,890
But I'll be sure to come back
130
00:05:53,154 --> 00:05:54,475
- and pick this up.
- Oh, yes, I'm sure you'll be back.
131
00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:56,630
Look, I'm only here to create
an amusing comparison
132
00:05:56,695 --> 00:05:58,128
- to my current job...
- Well, bully for you.
133
00:05:58,193 --> 00:05:59,276
Which I am, at this moment,
134
00:05:59,341 --> 00:06:00,968
describing to my family
in my living room.
135
00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:02,980
So, technically,
you don't even exist.
136
00:06:03,610 --> 00:06:05,298
Well, how do you know I wasn't
telling my wife a story
137
00:06:05,363 --> 00:06:07,667
and you're
a figment of my imagination?
138
00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:10,970
I-I can assure you
that is not the case.
139
00:06:10,235 --> 00:06:12,988
We'll be right backwith more Greg in the Window.
140
00:06:13,710 --> 00:06:14,441
Well, I'll be.
141
00:06:14,539 --> 00:06:16,870
♪ Window! ♪
142
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,713
Greg in the Window,
brought to you by
143
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:20,756
never-bought male jewelry.
144
00:06:24,771 --> 00:06:27,922
Okay, Peter, we've got
something else for you.
145
00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:31,591
We need you to taste test our
new varieties of seasonal beers,
146
00:06:31,656 --> 00:06:33,738
which will be coming down
this conveyor belt.
147
00:06:33,859 --> 00:06:35,472
Place those
on this tray.
148
00:06:35,575 --> 00:06:36,997
All right,
that seems easy enough.
149
00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:38,956
Also, our delivery truck drivers
150
00:06:39,210 --> 00:06:40,667
have to pass
an annual drug test,
151
00:06:40,732 --> 00:06:43,127
so we'll need you to collect
their urine samples.
152
00:06:43,201 --> 00:06:45,345
They'll be coming down
this same conveyor belt
153
00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:47,700
in similarly colored cups,
154
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,526
which you will need to place
on this tray.
155
00:06:49,614 --> 00:06:50,814
Well, that doesn't seem like a...
156
00:06:50,879 --> 00:06:52,447
Belt activated.
157
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:54,557
Uh, showtime.
158
00:06:57,543 --> 00:06:59,315
Pumpkin, not bad.
159
00:07:00,207 --> 00:07:02,200
Gah, trucker pee.
160
00:07:02,247 --> 00:07:04,345
Belt speed increasing.
161
00:07:04,434 --> 00:07:05,547
Oh, boy.
162
00:07:06,637 --> 00:07:08,395
Apple cinnamon, not bad.
163
00:07:08,715 --> 00:07:10,297
Pee laced with meth.
164
00:07:10,739 --> 00:07:13,815
- Winter wheat.
- Lady trucker pee.
165
00:07:14,335 --> 00:07:16,203
Belt speed maximum.
166
00:07:16,268 --> 00:07:19,172
Ah, crap! Trucker. Trucker.
167
00:07:19,237 --> 00:07:21,341
Oktoberfest. Trucker.
168
00:07:21,406 --> 00:07:25,960
Amber squash, yuck.
Trucker. Trucker.
169
00:07:25,243 --> 00:07:28,410
And let's hope this one
was an Asparagus IPA.
170
00:07:33,348 --> 00:07:35,572
Too bad about the latest
sales numbers, huh?
171
00:07:35,637 --> 00:07:38,180
I don't talk to anyone
standing at a urinal.
172
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,673
Too bad about the latest
sales numbers, huh?
173
00:07:40,738 --> 00:07:41,806
Thanks for waiting.
174
00:07:41,871 --> 00:07:43,814
You know, our testing
came back and shows
175
00:07:43,879 --> 00:07:45,333
we're losing market share.
176
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,996
Apparently, nobody can relate
177
00:07:47,610 --> 00:07:48,666
to our mascot Pawtucket Pat.
178
00:07:48,731 --> 00:07:50,670
Are you guys
talking about work in there?
179
00:07:50,735 --> 00:07:53,370
Oh, yes, come on in, honey.
We've put our wangs away.
180
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,526
Did you tell him about
our testing?
181
00:07:55,607 --> 00:07:58,546
Yeah, our customers find
a 300-year-old mascot
182
00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:01,970
hard to relate to,
they want a regular guy.
183
00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:06,198
You know, a-a guy who'd
drink a beer on a toilet.
184
00:08:07,953 --> 00:08:09,332
Griffin?
185
00:08:09,754 --> 00:08:10,811
No.
186
00:08:10,889 --> 00:08:12,706
It is you, Peter.
187
00:08:12,771 --> 00:08:13,867
What are you doing?
188
00:08:13,932 --> 00:08:16,730
Playing a game on my phone
and having a beer.
189
00:08:16,161 --> 00:08:18,100
And, God willing,
going to the bathroom.
190
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:19,766
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
191
00:08:19,831 --> 00:08:21,885
He must be **** on his shirt tail?
192
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,938
Ew, yes, but also,
193
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:25,672
that's exactly
the kind of customer
194
00:08:25,737 --> 00:08:27,268
we should be
appealing to.
195
00:08:27,339 --> 00:08:30,710
I think we found our new mascot.
Are you in, Peter?
196
00:08:31,566 --> 00:08:34,150
May I have a moment
to talk it over with my mentor?
197
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:35,262
Sure.
198
00:08:39,233 --> 00:08:41,850
I'm in.
199
00:08:41,590 --> 00:08:44,100
No. We did it.
200
00:08:50,298 --> 00:08:52,910
Wow, Peter, so you're really
replacing Pawtucket Pat
201
00:08:52,975 --> 00:08:55,933
- as the new mascot?
- Yup, I'm the new Pawtucket Pat.
202
00:08:55,998 --> 00:08:57,903
Hey, now you and Jared
from Subway
203
00:08:57,968 --> 00:08:59,336
have two things in common.
204
00:08:59,401 --> 00:09:02,441
No! No, that's not true, Meg!
It's not true!
205
00:09:02,506 --> 00:09:04,242
Peter, Peter, she's garbage.
She's garbage.
206
00:09:04,307 --> 00:09:07,372
- Let it go. You're the king.
- Yeah, garbage, yeah.
207
00:09:07,522 --> 00:09:08,780
Anyway, turn on the TV.
208
00:09:08,845 --> 00:09:10,784
They're about to play
my first commercial.
209
00:09:38,655 --> 00:09:40,280
Pawtucket Patriot:
210
00:09:40,109 --> 00:09:42,950
the perfect beer
for New England beaches.
211
00:09:49,358 --> 00:09:50,954
Ladies and gentlemen,
212
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:53,661
throwing out today's
ceremonial first pitch,
213
00:09:53,789 --> 00:09:56,660
the face of
the Pawtucket Patriot Brewery,
214
00:09:56,725 --> 00:09:58,739
Pawtucket Pat!
215
00:10:08,710 --> 00:10:10,475
Aah! Please kill me!
216
00:10:10,571 --> 00:10:12,130
Still buy the beer, though.
217
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:15,561
And now,
a five-hour baseball game.
218
00:10:15,910 --> 00:10:17,537
Hey, guys, I'm Billy on the Street,
219
00:10:17,602 --> 00:10:19,138
and I'm here with
one of the biggest mascots
220
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:22,302
- in America right now.
- Popular, he means. Not large.
221
00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:23,810
Let me do my intro!
222
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:25,823
Okay, we're gonna go up
to people and give a dollar
223
00:10:25,888 --> 00:10:28,580
to everyone who recognizes you.
Let's go.
224
00:10:28,123 --> 00:10:30,994
Sir, sir, sir, for a dollar,
do you know who this is?
225
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,331
- No.
- Oh, come on, he's in a new commercial.
226
00:10:33,396 --> 00:10:34,839
I don't even own a TV.
227
00:10:34,904 --> 00:10:38,970
Oh, you don't own a TV?
I'm very impressed! Let's go!
228
00:10:38,466 --> 00:10:40,487
Sir, sir, quick, tell me.
229
00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:42,580
- Who is this man?
- Uh...
230
00:10:42,123 --> 00:10:44,800
Adweek magazine called him
the Pitchman of the Year.
231
00:10:44,865 --> 00:10:46,550
Who doesn't read Adweek?!
232
00:10:46,615 --> 00:10:48,714
There's, uh,
there's more running
233
00:10:48,779 --> 00:10:49,799
than I thought there'd be.
234
00:10:49,864 --> 00:10:52,393
- Oh, is he Jerry Ferrara?
- Jerry Ferrara?
235
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:54,986
You mean Turtle from Entourage?You're the worst!
236
00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:56,933
Even worse than
the Entourage movie!
237
00:10:56,998 --> 00:10:59,957
Mark Wahlberg is one of
our finest producers!
238
00:11:00,990 --> 00:11:03,338
I-I don't, uh, I-I don't feel
comfortable doing this.
239
00:11:03,482 --> 00:11:05,363
He was just getting a cup
of coffee with his daughter.
240
00:11:05,428 --> 00:11:08,660
- They should know you!
- Hey, you're Pawtucket Pat.
241
00:11:08,131 --> 00:11:10,501
Yes, thank you!
He's Pawtucket Pat!
242
00:11:10,599 --> 00:11:11,808
Not that I watch this show.
243
00:11:11,873 --> 00:11:14,917
I watch Black Mirror and
The Goldbergs, and that's it!
244
00:11:14,982 --> 00:11:16,651
Wow, can I get a picture with you?
245
00:11:16,716 --> 00:11:19,113
- No!
- What's his problem?
246
00:11:19,193 --> 00:11:21,722
Between you and me, I think
he may need a lady friend.
247
00:11:21,787 --> 00:11:23,722
Peter, I'm famously gay!
248
00:11:23,787 --> 00:11:25,988
Oh, my God,
he ran around the world.
249
00:11:31,404 --> 00:11:33,659
Hey, so how's the whole
Pawtucket Pat thing going?
250
00:11:33,724 --> 00:11:34,761
Aw, it's the best.
251
00:11:34,826 --> 00:11:37,328
Everywhere I go,
people recognize me and love me.
252
00:11:37,393 --> 00:11:39,177
And the other day,
I even got to hang out
253
00:11:39,242 --> 00:11:41,183
with a bunch of other famous mascots.
254
00:11:41,310 --> 00:11:44,370
So, you, uh, you really make
all those cookies in that tree?
255
00:11:44,435 --> 00:11:46,159
- They're great!
- Like, the tree is wood.
256
00:11:46,224 --> 00:11:48,138
Like, how does the tree
not catch on fire?
257
00:11:48,203 --> 00:11:50,417
Hey, you want to cool it
with that drumming?
258
00:11:50,482 --> 00:11:52,464
Anyway, do you have
to water your house?
259
00:11:52,529 --> 00:11:53,800
- 'Cause I would think that...
- They're great!
260
00:11:53,865 --> 00:11:55,536
You know what, let's just forget
the conversation
261
00:11:55,601 --> 00:11:57,230
and just pose for the picture.
262
00:11:57,846 --> 00:12:00,190
By the way, Tony,
I'm sorry your wife was shot
263
00:12:00,255 --> 00:12:02,190
by Donald Trump's children.
264
00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:10,810
Hi, Peter.
It's me, Sheila, and me, Bert.
265
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,542
Here's a dollar!
Stop talking like that!
266
00:12:12,943 --> 00:12:14,940
Sorry about him.
We ruined people's days
267
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,180
in New York earlier.
268
00:12:16,830 --> 00:12:18,600
We came by to share some great news.
269
00:12:18,710 --> 00:12:20,761
That's right.
Your character's so popular,
270
00:12:20,826 --> 00:12:24,378
you're gonna have a balloon
in the annual Quahog Parade!
271
00:12:24,487 --> 00:12:26,129
No way.
That's awesome!
272
00:12:26,273 --> 00:12:27,625
Said no one ever.
273
00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:30,253
Ah, ha, hah. Yes.
I've seen that on the Internet.
274
00:12:30,318 --> 00:12:31,292
Uh, who is this?
275
00:12:31,357 --> 00:12:32,948
Oh, that's-that's my dog, Brian.
276
00:12:33,130 --> 00:12:35,597
You have a dog that makes jokes
and drinks beer?
277
00:12:35,662 --> 00:12:36,900
Not just any beer.
278
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,350
Pawtucket Patriot Truckers Blend.
279
00:12:39,107 --> 00:12:42,374
- Ah, I approved that.
- Oh, this is just what we need.
280
00:12:42,439 --> 00:12:44,911
- You guys are great together.
- What are you talking about?
281
00:12:44,976 --> 00:12:48,881
Well, think about it, Peter.
The public loves Pawtucket Pat.
282
00:12:48,946 --> 00:12:51,198
Imagine how much
they'd love to know
283
00:12:51,263 --> 00:12:54,520
he has a funny sidekick dog
who drinks with him.
284
00:12:54,585 --> 00:12:57,268
Wow, that could be really cool.
What do you say, Brian?
285
00:12:57,333 --> 00:12:59,659
You're saying you need
a mascot's sidekick?
286
00:12:59,724 --> 00:13:00,885
Hold my beer.
287
00:13:00,957 --> 00:13:03,167
Uhp, that's also
from the Internet.
288
00:13:09,299 --> 00:13:11,471
Hi, I'm Bert of Bert and Sheila.
289
00:13:11,536 --> 00:13:12,805
And I'm Sheila.
290
00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:15,307
All right. Now, before
we bring out Daughtry...
291
00:13:15,372 --> 00:13:18,308
Hurry it up!
Some of us came for Daughtry!
292
00:13:18,373 --> 00:13:21,847
It's our pleasure
to introduce Pawtucket Pat
293
00:13:21,912 --> 00:13:25,500
and his new sidekick Hops McElaney,
294
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,261
the Alcoholic Dog.
Come on, y'all!
295
00:13:30,153 --> 00:13:31,756
- Say, Brian...
- "Hops."
296
00:13:31,821 --> 00:13:33,529
- Hops.
- Yes, Peter?
297
00:13:33,594 --> 00:13:34,451
- "Pat."
- Pat.
298
00:13:34,516 --> 00:13:36,694
What were you doing
up on the roof last night?
299
00:13:36,759 --> 00:13:38,194
- Well, Peter...
- "Pat."
300
00:13:38,261 --> 00:13:40,600
Pat. I was up on the roof
301
00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:42,647
because you told me
drinks were on the house.
302
00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:46,302
Nice one, Brian.
303
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,420
- "Hops."
- Hops.
304
00:13:47,485 --> 00:13:49,400
Let's hear more from the dog!
305
00:13:49,105 --> 00:13:50,826
- Hops! - Hops! - Hops!
- Hops! - Hops! - Hops!
306
00:13:50,891 --> 00:13:53,228
And Daughtry!
307
00:13:57,641 --> 00:13:59,316
I'm sorry, sir, you can't park here.
308
00:13:59,399 --> 00:14:01,386
This spot is reserved
for the brewery mascot.
309
00:14:01,485 --> 00:14:03,870
Yeah, I am the brewery mascot.
310
00:14:03,152 --> 00:14:06,208
No, you're the brewery mascot's
sidekick.
311
00:14:09,826 --> 00:14:12,263
What the hell?
I'm the sidekick?
312
00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:14,537
Aw, my life can't get any worse.
313
00:14:14,602 --> 00:14:16,388
Hey, at least
you're not getting attacked
314
00:14:16,453 --> 00:14:17,873
by a goose for no reason.
315
00:14:17,967 --> 00:14:20,185
Hey, you got bread, bro?
Give me that bread, bro.
316
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,982
Come on, bro. Bro.
317
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:24,146
Help me, Officer Goosefear!
318
00:14:31,281 --> 00:14:33,881
Guys, from now on,
I need to stand this up
319
00:14:33,946 --> 00:14:35,206
in the middle of your table.
320
00:14:36,156 --> 00:14:37,959
Pawww yeah!
321
00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:39,741
'Cause he's a dog.
322
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,866
Man, I hate being a sidekick
to this stupid dog.
323
00:14:42,979 --> 00:14:45,763
- Yeah, I can imagine, Peter.
- I doubt you can, Quagmire.
324
00:14:45,828 --> 00:14:46,904
None of you can.
325
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,886
- Well, I think I understand...
- I'm talking, Glenn.
326
00:14:48,951 --> 00:14:51,189
I doubt any of you can begin
to know what it's like
327
00:14:51,254 --> 00:14:52,755
to ride someone's coattails,
328
00:14:52,820 --> 00:14:55,107
to play second fiddle to some fat idiot,
329
00:14:55,172 --> 00:14:57,389
to constantly be setting up
someone else's...
330
00:14:57,703 --> 00:15:00,223
♪ It's The Joe Show ♪
331
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,970
♪ Starring Joe ♪
332
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,660
♪ Doing all sorts of Joe things ♪
333
00:15:04,725 --> 00:15:09,410
♪ Not your average Joe,and also he can walk. ♪
334
00:15:10,890 --> 00:15:13,520
Just a footnote
to someone else's narrative.
335
00:15:13,742 --> 00:15:15,113
I tell you, this sucks worse
336
00:15:15,178 --> 00:15:17,152
than being
a monkey at Coachella.
337
00:15:17,475 --> 00:15:20,324
Dude, it sucks this year.
There's no good bands.
338
00:15:20,389 --> 00:15:23,535
- There's Bananarama.
- There's, like, one good band.
339
00:15:27,623 --> 00:15:30,480
Hey, Brian,
you want to go to the park?
340
00:15:30,113 --> 00:15:31,175
The public park?
341
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,593
Uh, no, I don't think
that'd be a good idea.
342
00:15:33,658 --> 00:15:35,160
Because of Beaglemania.
343
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:36,569
- What?
- My fame.
344
00:15:36,634 --> 00:15:39,879
- That's what they're calling it.
- Who's calling it Beaglemania?
345
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:42,316
Well, you just did.
Catching on.
346
00:15:42,381 --> 00:15:44,215
Well, leave it to you to ruin it.
347
00:15:44,307 --> 00:15:46,801
Just like
Dasani ruined water.
348
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:50,793
Hey, guys, so you know
how water tastes like nothing?
349
00:15:50,913 --> 00:15:52,880
Well, what if it tasted like
350
00:15:52,945 --> 00:15:55,362
every bottle had a nickel in it?
351
00:16:01,456 --> 00:16:03,723
I want you to sign my chest.
352
00:16:04,295 --> 00:16:07,106
And I want to hawk a loogie
in your face.
353
00:16:08,662 --> 00:16:11,636
I want you to sign my ass.
354
00:16:11,826 --> 00:16:14,338
And I want to hawk a loogie
in your face.
355
00:16:16,472 --> 00:16:18,543
I want you
to autograph my stomach.
356
00:16:18,608 --> 00:16:21,295
Okay, fine, but do me a favor:
don't spit on my friend.
357
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,448
Hey, Brian?
358
00:16:22,513 --> 00:16:24,592
Why don't you mind
your own **** business?
359
00:16:28,157 --> 00:16:30,584
Oh, God, again
with this Beaglemania?
360
00:16:30,649 --> 00:16:32,709
- Where'd you get those T-shirts?
- From Brian.
361
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,389
He says
it's really catching on.
362
00:16:34,490 --> 00:16:37,662
- Well, it isn't. It's a joke.
- It's no joke for him, Dad.
363
00:16:37,727 --> 00:16:40,209
He even recorded
The Bite Album.
364
00:16:40,389 --> 00:16:43,520
K-nine. K-nine.
365
00:16:43,117 --> 00:16:47,138
K-nine. K-nine. K-nine.
366
00:16:47,203 --> 00:16:50,163
K-nine. K-nine.
367
00:16:53,538 --> 00:16:55,379
Coming up, uncomfortable pause
368
00:16:55,446 --> 00:16:57,459
as anchor throws to reporter
in the field.
369
00:16:57,524 --> 00:17:01,850
But first, hey, hungover dads,
want to go to a parade?
370
00:17:01,157 --> 00:17:03,354
Does that sound like fun
on a Sunday morning?
371
00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:05,224
Not just being worried
about your kids,
372
00:17:05,289 --> 00:17:07,193
but everyone else's kids
around you, too?
373
00:17:07,258 --> 00:17:09,536
For more, here's
Tricia Takanawa.
374
00:17:13,141 --> 00:17:14,633
Apparently we've lost Tricia...
375
00:17:14,698 --> 00:17:17,935
Tom, I'm standing here
outside some public toilets
376
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,406
where dads who are really
hurting will be vomiting
377
00:17:20,471 --> 00:17:22,974
in front of their
still-developing children.
378
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:26,155
The parade is tomorrow,
but already the giant balloons
379
00:17:26,242 --> 00:17:30,214
are being inflated including
two newcomers this year:
380
00:17:30,344 --> 00:17:32,350
Pepe, the alt-right frog,
381
00:17:32,415 --> 00:17:35,561
and Hops the Dog,
the beloved beer pitchman.
382
00:17:35,626 --> 00:17:38,115
Aw, man.
Brian gets his own balloon?
383
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:39,943
This can't get any worse.
384
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,694
In fact, Hops is so popular
that hundreds of Quahog women
385
00:17:43,759 --> 00:17:46,600
have volunteered to blow up his balloon.
386
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:55,610
Aw, that's the cashier
at the CVS I like.
387
00:17:56,503 --> 00:17:58,876
And here comes
the marching band,
388
00:17:58,941 --> 00:18:01,389
led by baton twirler Jane Duncan,
389
00:18:01,454 --> 00:18:04,904
whose aunt is famously-thin
actress Bebe Neuwirth.
390
00:18:04,969 --> 00:18:07,107
Jane lists her hobbies
as baton twirling
391
00:18:07,172 --> 00:18:09,185
and trying to contact her aunt.
392
00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:11,631
And, look, is that the beer mascot
393
00:18:11,696 --> 00:18:13,450
you've all been waiting for?
394
00:18:13,110 --> 00:18:15,530
That's right, it's Hops the Dog.
395
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:18,803
Stupid Brian.
Can't even wave to the crowd right.
396
00:18:20,862 --> 00:18:23,668
Hi! Thanks for coming out. Hi!
397
00:18:23,733 --> 00:18:25,748
Hops! Hops! Hops!
398
00:18:26,289 --> 00:18:29,209
Where's Dad? He's missing this.
399
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:34,146
Say good-bye, Hops.
400
00:18:34,211 --> 00:18:35,547
Excuse me, sir?
401
00:18:35,612 --> 00:18:37,281
Are you a guest of the hotel?
402
00:18:37,346 --> 00:18:40,138
I-I, uh...
I'm-I'm just here for an event.
403
00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,505
Oh, are you part
of Sarah's bridal brunch?
404
00:18:42,570 --> 00:18:43,826
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
405
00:18:43,891 --> 00:18:45,924
Can't-can't believe
she's heading down the aisle.
406
00:18:45,989 --> 00:18:48,192
Well, they're making speeches
in the Santa Fe Lounge.
407
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:50,470
If you hurry,
you can still get yours in.
408
00:18:53,162 --> 00:18:57,263
Well, Sarah, another turning point,
a fork stuck in the road.
409
00:18:57,328 --> 00:18:58,458
Who is he again?
410
00:18:58,523 --> 00:19:00,628
I think he's that guy
from the funeral.
411
00:19:00,693 --> 00:19:02,904
You know, part of me
is glad Sarah met Henry,
412
00:19:02,969 --> 00:19:05,344
because she and I had a pact
that if neither of us
413
00:19:05,409 --> 00:19:07,378
was married by 40,
we'd get hitched.
414
00:19:07,524 --> 00:19:10,522
And I think you all know
how that would have gone.
415
00:19:12,742 --> 00:19:14,350
Everybody, get down!
416
00:19:21,490 --> 00:19:23,306
So, to Sarah and Henry.
417
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,935
May they have a long and happy marriage.
418
00:19:31,401 --> 00:19:34,439
Tom, I'm standing here
along the parade route
419
00:19:34,537 --> 00:19:37,232
where the Hops balloon
has just been punctured,
420
00:19:37,297 --> 00:19:39,243
and is now raining helium
421
00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:40,411
Down on the crowd,
422
00:19:40,476 --> 00:19:43,547
creating chaos and wreaking havoc.
423
00:19:44,613 --> 00:19:46,183
We have an active shooter!
424
00:19:46,248 --> 00:19:48,486
I repeat, we have an active shooter!
425
00:19:48,551 --> 00:19:52,280
I can't stress the seriousness
of this situation enough!
426
00:19:56,909 --> 00:19:58,982
This is a disaster!
427
00:19:59,470 --> 00:20:00,389
Brian, you're fired.
428
00:20:00,454 --> 00:20:02,264
What do you mean?
This isn't my fault.
429
00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,788
I'm never
drinking this beer again.
430
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,456
My voice is impervious to helium.
431
00:20:20,165 --> 00:20:21,565
What a mess, huh?
432
00:20:21,735 --> 00:20:24,470
Hey, Peter, sorry all that fame
went to my head.
433
00:20:24,125 --> 00:20:26,250
And I'm sorry
I shot your balloon.
434
00:20:26,117 --> 00:20:27,784
How'd you get out of jail so fast?
435
00:20:27,849 --> 00:20:29,453
And I'm sorry II took a hostage...
436
00:20:29,518 --> 00:20:31,389
It's an ongoing situation.
437
00:20:33,797 --> 00:20:36,772
Honey, close that window
and come to bed.
438
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,865
- In a minute.
- Greg Mitchell,
439
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:42,445
sometimes I feel like
I married you and that window.
440
00:20:42,547 --> 00:20:44,489
The two of you
are more similar than you think.
441
00:20:44,554 --> 00:20:45,858
And how's that?
442
00:20:45,977 --> 00:20:49,239
Well, for one thing,
you're both a real pane.
443
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,600
♪ Window. ♪
32493
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.